Desert Island Dicks - VITTORIO ANGELONE

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

We're back baby! It’s been a while. For reasons I won’t get into we had to stop the podcast for a bit but very excited to say – we’re back. In even more exciting news – from November, Desert Island Dicks will have a brand new host! She’s an incredible comedy talent and I almost can’t believe it’s actually happening.. She recorded her first episode the other day and I can’t wait for you to hear it! Until that moment comes, I’ve got five or six unreleased episodes for your listening pleasure I’ll be releasing in the coming weeks, starting with this beauty with Vittorio Angelone. He’s is currently on tour all around the UK and Ireland with an extra London date being added soon so go book tickets to that now! Make sure you’ve subscribed for announcements and be sure to follow us on socials @dickspod for updates or you can get in touch at dickspod.com/contact. Lovely to be back! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, James Deacon here. I realise it's been a while and for reasons I won't get into we had to stop the podcast for a bit but I'm very excited to say we're back and in even more exciting news from November Desert Island Dicks will have a brand new host. She's an incredible comedy talent and I almost can't believe it's actually happening. She recorded her first episode the other day and I cannot wait for you to hear it. Until that moment comes I've got five or six unreleased episodes for your listening pleasure I'll be releasing in the coming weeks starting with this beauty with Vittorio Angelone. Vittorio is currently on tour all around the UK and Ireland with an extra date in London being added very soon so go and book your tickets as soon as possible. Make sure

you subscribe for announcements and be sure to follow us on socials at Dick's Pod for updates or you can get in touch at dickspod.com contact. It's lovely to be back and here's Desert Island Dicks with Vittorio Angelone. hi i'm james deacon and welcome to desert island dicks the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest and And here to share their Desert Island dicks with us today is comedian Vittorio Angelone. Hello. Hello.

Thank you for having me. How did you find choosing your people and things for the Desert Island? Well, it's been quite an interesting one because I am trying to have a more positive outlook on life. And you've kind of come to me and go, what do you hate? i'm like oh this is against my ethos currently was was it not before was it not before i think i think for a time i got a notion that i wanted to be like a grumpy old man type thing even though i'm it doesn't really suit me but i got an idea of like

oh fuck that that's that's terrible i don't want to do that the problem with this is whatever and i just think i don't know i i i i for ages got in the swing of every time anybody asked me like oh how's it going or how are you i would go you know surviving and or like you just go yeah a bit tired or whatever but it's like i think if you start to say that to yourself then over time you start to like agree with yourself so i really trying no like anytime and it was like how are you and i'm like yeah i'm good and to be honest some people hate that it's like what yeah how dare you yeah you're supposed to be like tired that's what you're supposed to say when you live in london you're supposed to say i'm tired like if you just

go yeah i'm doing really well lots of exciting stuff like busy but like it's exciting stuff and i just yeah i always think it's mad for a comedian to be like oh it's tough isn't it no no like you're working now this is the job you're sat and you're just talking shit yeah i'm in my pyjamas. It's unbelievable. I can't confirm or deny because I can't see. I am also pretty much in my pyjamas. I think it's fine, man. I think it's fine.

Okay, so do you feel like you had to dial back into a previous version of yourself or have you found a way to spin your choices for the island? I haven't really spun. I realized that there was quite obvious answers for lots of them i'm quite contrarian so i like i like to say that i hate things that other people like it that's something that i enjoy to do okay um so i think some people might hate me after this but oh what's the point in doing anything if nobody hates you afterwards yeah fair enough i think okay on that note um victoria who's going to be your first choice

for the desert island my first person for the desert island yeah yeah jeremy paxman wow okay and i know he's not well. Is he not? No. But I fucking hate him. What's his name? Come on, talk me through it. Jeremy Paxman.

Jeremy Paxman, for people that don't know, University Challenge host, all-around terrible guy. I just, I hate his whole attitude, particularly when, so he sat there in his throne of lies, and there's two teams of some of the best, the most promising academics in the country, from Oxford or Cambridge or occasionally Manchester Metropolitan University. And they just, they're trying their best.

They've been revising general knowledge, which I don't know if you've ever tried to revise general knowledge. It's tricky. There's loads of it. And they're nailing stuff and they're getting the odd thing wrong. But it's like, you sit at home watching University Challenge and you go,

God, how do they know any of this? And although I liked watching University Challenge with my dad because anytime there was a music question and it was like an orchestral piece, he would always very discerningly go sounds like rack mananoff to me and i was just like you don't know anything but it was always rack mananoff which is funny and i studied it like i have a degree in classical

music so it just like the more i went through it just made me laugh more and more and more of how ridiculous the suggestions that it was rec man and all for. You got a degree in classical music. Yeah. I was a classical percussionist. That's what I used to do. This happens every time I do an interview, someone goes,

what? But you're an idiot. I didn't, I didn't mean that. I just mean like, is there not more money in that is what I'm thinking. No. Not a lot.

Look, I was decent, but I just didn't like it. I found something more fun to do where you have to carry less drums places. Luckily, you're good at that as well. So that's fine. So it's okay. Yeah, yeah. I know what you mean. So, yeah, my dad will be like it sounds like ragman off and

i'm like that is rock around the clock dad that's the smiths yeah it's always the smiths as well it's like um name the artist a piece of popular music and it's always the smiths isn't it i don't know why i don't know why there was a great i went to see paul sinners a preview of paul sinners edinburgh show and he's obviously a big quizzer guy from the chase and things yeah and he basically gave a guide to winning the chase where he was like it was this whole song he did about like if they name an artist it's frida carlo you just had all the hacks of like it's always this don't say anything else oh do you know he's been on this and he was top draw he's brilliant episode is very good he's really brilliant but anyway my my problem with Paxman,

these wide-eyed, excited academics, he asks them a question, they get it wrong, and he goes, no, it's this. And I'm like, well, yeah, you have it written on a piece of paper. Obviously, you know the answer, but that's because you have it written on a piece of paper. Obviously, you know the answer,

but that's because you have it written on a piece of paper. It just takes absolute arrogance to be like, oh, no. It's like, no, just be like, oh, bad luck. It's actually this thing that I have written down and I've never even seen before. Stephen Fry does the same thing actually on QI. He goes, no. And I I go you didn't know that a producer gave you a piece of card with the logo on the back of it that says the answers and you can fuck off it's true it's so true the smugness the smugness what it is like kind of

yeah just diving back in and being like you know obviously it's benjamin britain or whatever yeah you didn't know that you're a journalist you don't know all of it um so you realize stephen fry isn't the host of qi anymore right yeah yeah yeah but back but also j day. But also, Jeremy Paxman isn't the host of isn't the host of University Challengers. I'm from a bygone era.

Who is it? It's not Colin, is it? Colin Murray. No, he's yeah, count down. It's Amal Rajad. You know, he's like a journalist.

And I actually like his vibe. is he slightly more chill with the people i haven't checked back in chill and he's a bit more a little bit more encouraging that's what we want that's what we want i'm a positive guy so this is all this thing is like such a like like degrading podcast but i'm like i'm just shitting on people who shit on others actually i'm yes robin hood of the desert island you are you are robin hood yeah so jeremy paxton i i get it i get it yeah just be nice to those people yeah just they're trying their best it's like the best day of their whole lives being on university challenge i also i was nearly on the celebrity university

challenge and i'm frustrated that i didn't get on i mean the likelihood of me being on it now is zero but i was a reserve for my university on the alumni special the guildhall school of music and drama wow it's the kind of you it's the kind of university that comes on you just you think immediately they're gonna get torn anew yeah yeah yeah yeah we got yeah we got wiped by ucl it was all because you have to be in the studio if you're the reserve and because then we like get sick or whatever so i went and watched and um yeah they just had too much so like i went to music college slash drama school and they just had too many actors on there they don't know anything was it paxman it was paxman whoa and he didn't even see it live yeah he didn't do his own sound check it seemed rude

oh wow somebody else came on and tested his mic i was like you bastard you don't have a minute to pop in and say hello one of my favorite things on this podcast is when people come in with real life stories and i feel like confirmation that you've seen him do it live is enough for me for you yeah like even on the alumni special it's like these people aren't claiming to be clever they're claiming to be famous and to be fair like it's it was insane that i was even the reserve for the guildhall school of music and drama like it's like there are so many famous people who went to that year like i went to the same uni as orlando bloom daniel craig michelle

dockery like it's just like why would i ever be even near that because none of those people would go and do it yes none of those people are yeah and do it. Yes, none of those people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair. That extends everything. Can you imagine Daniel Craig on University Challenge? It'd be the most watched episode ever, probably. Yeah. I'd love to see Daniel Craig just shouting Ratmanen off. Okay. Anything else on Jeremy Plaxman before we put him on the island no i think i've burned

that bridge enough already yeah vittorio who's gonna be your second choice people are gonna hate this oh david attenborough wow wow i'm sick of that guy it's actually i normally just nod and get on with it but i just i really need to hear why i'm sick of it i'm sick of his whole thing i'm sick of it i just think in a world where everyone hates straight white millionaires he's getting away with it he's getting away with it. He's getting away with it. And he goes, and he goes, oh, look, these penguins are dying. And I'm like, help them. Help the fucking penguins, you freak.

And he doesn't go anywhere anymore. I respected him when he was there. You know, when he was stood in the jungle talking about a gorilla that was over there he's just in a recording studio like in london probably someone gives him the best and he just does a voiceover yeah yeah do you know he is do you know ian sterling who does the voiceover for love island david adambrow is just like ian Sterling of the Galapagos. That's good.

I just don't think... Tonight on Galapagos Island. Watch the emperor penguin trying to bone another penguin. Relentlessly. Just a little puffing going, I got text. Oh, that is funny. Yeah. I just think he shouts on about saving the ocean whereas in reality if if we just sent david attenborough on a one-way trip to switzerland and then took all of his

money we could get all the plastic out of the ocean that's what i'm saying oh the sad truth is right he's been with the bbc his entire life he probably doesn't even get paid that much to do it that's true he's got equity minimum they pay a minimum yeah equity minimum okay i mean i don't know i just i've i i have loved that man and his voice and his programs for a long time. I also hate his brother. His brother's dead. Yeah, I hate him too. Richard Attenborough, the one from Jurassic Park.

Do you know he's supposed to be Scottish in that film? Is he actually? Yeah, there's like one line where he goes like, I know I'm Scottish. And I'm like, what? When they made it, they probably thought, this is for Americans, do you know what I mean? Yeah, so nobody's going to know.

But Richard Attenborough is like a classically trained actor. Surely if it says in one of the lines, I'm Scottish, you do a Scottish accent for the whole movie. It's crazy. Just fuck the whole Attenborough family. That's my opinion. He would have his uses though, right? Just for David Attenborough, he would have his uses though right just for david atbra he would have his uses you're on the island and you're trying to identify things that you can eat and what the animals are you're

not getting on board with this adamber is just another paxman he doesn't know anything oh someone else puts the he's getting scripts and also all that David Attenborough is going to do, as we've seen with the penguins, he's going to watch you die and poetically narrate it. That's good. That is good. To be honest with you, right, when I die, like I'd love for it to be, well, actually I wouldn't

because that would mean if I go before him, that's going to be pretty soon. Yeah, that would be rough. That's like this week yeah you'd hate to be on your deathbed with Attenborough going not all will survive

oh no imagine we're on this call now or on this record and just someone comes in and bludgeons me to death this is the moment I alright David look it's your island david attenborough is going to be a second choice anything else about attenborough before we put him on your arm no yeah i think i've i think i've made my i think i've alienated enough of

the audience at this point i think you have yeah i'm scared about the level of messages we're going to get from you as much as we're a podcast that talks about people and things that people hate, we're normally very, do you know what I mean? Like, I think kind of centrist in the opinions. But I think, like, if we're going to get, if it's going to be a manhunt, it's going to be this episode. Yeah.

Right. Dare I ask, who's going to be your third choice for the desert island? I think there's one slightly more agreeable lizzo all right lizzo okay yeah all right yeah i don't think lizzo has been chosen please talk me through it well people like there was a long time where you weren't allowed to say boo to lizzo you weren't allowed to say anything bad about her because she was amazing and perfect and played the flute. And now, it turns out, as with all

huge stars, I love when this happens to anyone, everyone goes, have you heard that Ellen DeGeneres is a bit of a fucking bastard? And you go, oh my god. The woman who owns a media empire isn't

sound? What the fuck? It fuck it's like yeah these people are psychos anyone who gets to that level of success is a psychopath and i love that i don't have to pretend i like lizzo anymore now that she fat shamed her dancers and it's like as soon as you do that i'm allowed to be mean about you now and i think that's great like you just opened the door so you're you're saying this like you knew you had a feeling before yeah where was this feeling coming from what made you feel like this was bubbling under do you mean what how did you know this about lizzo before it came out well she came out of nowhere and i never really trust that you know when someone just like boom they're the biggest thing in the world and you go oh what's going on what's going on there yeah where are we where was

the slow build of a couple of my mates going have you heard this lizzo gal she's fantastic no it was like she's the biggest thing in the world and everybody went yeah this is great she's strong and independent and i'm like well it feels like she's been kind of placed there by the the cogs of the industry type thing and i i have a real distrust of that people who go like and just get kind of lofted up and like chosen by the claw of the music industry to be like the next big thing and i might be wrong about that that might be just my perception but i just that gave me the kind of willies no it's good it's good i didn't really think of that but yeah you're right what what what has she got on someone do you know what i mean yeah that's what you think yeah but not everything everybody's got something on her i think it's so

stupid just like know yourself and know that anything you do is going to be you're going to be held accountable and everyone's going to know when you're that famous everyone's going to know yeah just chill i love chill massive celebrities i think they're the best people you're like you're like keanu reeves you just see him on like the subway in new york i'm just like yeah everybody just i love that just chill out i think the more you kind of shroud yourself in mystery the more the world tries to like pry in and find like every little thing about you and then but it's also it's not like lizzie was surrounding herself in mystery when she like forced her dancers to go to a strip club and eat bananas out of humans yeah i saw about that yeah i know that's wild. That is wild. Crazy.

But Lizzo being up there like playing the flute and me like, it's a good sale. It's like I wouldn't expect to have to eat fruit out of another human. Yeah, that's true. It's true. It's top draw. I think you're right. I think as well, hard work. Hard work.

Oh, yeah. She's going to be... What a combo. God, those three together would just... I don't think they would get on. I think they would also have a bad time. It'd be like all four of you in separate corners of this island. Totally. Yeah. I've normally got a lot more to say, but you've really... I don't know where to go. I wasn wasn't prepared i think i've made salient points

three fantastic choices for the desert island thank you very much now mercifully among the wreckage of the plane there was some food and drink left over unfortunately for you it's your least favorite food and drink in the world what are they and why are they so bad so for the drink i have well for the food i have a weird thing recently where i've been training myself to eat eggs right i've never liked eggs or eaten eggs my whole life ever you're vegetarian or you just no i just eggs fuck up. I don't know why. I just have a mental block on eggs, always have done. Decided when I was very young that eggs aren't my thing.

Okay. And then I've dipped a toe into eggs every so often over the course of my life. Like, I've done the easy mode of eggs. That's like French toast. That's barely eggs. That hardly counts as an egg-based dish really yeah yeah yeah and then i remember when i first got together with my girlfriend we were away on a trip together and she cooked scrambled eggs for everybody and i fancied her before we got together so i just like ate the scrambled eggs to like not be rude to the lady

that i fancied and then so i had that but then and when i was eating that i was like no this is this is nice i like this but something in my brain is telling me that it's not something i do like i just had a mental block on eggs so i was just like no eggs so if you'd if we'd done this podcast a month ago i would be like eggs fuck eggs fucking hate them but for the past month i've eaten eggs every single day to try and train myself so i've built up gradually through the the what i call the kind of egg gauntlet yeah so french toast that's easy mode eggs that's like the easiest mode of eggs egg fried rice yeah egg fried rice that's it that's again very easy mode eggs yeah uh we have uh what comes after egg fried rice quiche and this is people dispute this it's because essentially

it's just it's just scrambled eggs like mixed with stuff on a but when it's like a ham and cheese quiche it's like you're just getting ham and cheese really it's just like a kind of pie thing and also the a big part of the thing i don't like about eggs is the gooeyness of the egg right okay okay so yeah that was so like that precludes that there's no gooeyness in a quiche if you're doing it ates that there's no gooeyness in a quiche if you're doing it at all right if there's gooeyness in a quiche something's gone terribly terrible yeah yeah you're gonna get ill yeah yeah yeah but then my friend said well surely then the next step minimal gooeyness is like a hard boiled egg because that's got no gooeyness but that's

maximum egginess i think that's maximum egginess. Yeah. Isn't it? Because there's nothing to mask the egg in a hard-boiled egg. And like, it tastes more of egg than a fried egg does. Yeah. When people fart and they say it's an eggy fart, you're thinking hard-boiled egg. It's a hard-boiled egg. Most egg. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. So quiche and then omelette after quiche. Omelette's good because you could chuck a load of shit in there. You got peppers, you got whatever. And sriracha, you're in, right? Yeah, yeah. And then what's an omelette if not just kind of overcooked scrambled eggs on some level? So every day for the past month, I've basically eaten slightly overcooked scrambled eggs

and tried to tear it back down to what scrambled eggs are supposed to look like. So I've been gradually tapering from really bad scrambled eggs that I like and were tasty with. And they always have sriracha on them. They're getting hot sauce anyway. But I've been tapering down to like that has some element of gooeyness in them and in the coming weeks i think i need to make the progression to your your fried which i think if i do like a uh an over easy you know where you like it's not as gooey so if i go for that and then i think i go to like a normal good fried egg and then i i can't decide which i think hard boiled and then the real pinnacle of the egg gauntlet is somewhere around poached or soft boiled because that scares me they scare me a lot because it's still a bit it's like um it

becomes like an alien form yeah and it's still gooey maximum goo maximum goo and you're just oh god yeah i've got questions right so firstly why well i i am currently on the waiting list to find out if i'm autistic right okay so i think that could be why well i'll skip the list for you just send them this yeah just sending this like I've been giving myself an egg gauntlet. So, yeah, I think it really feels like I just have a mental block on it because every time I eat the eggs, I go, this is tasty, but my brain is telling me that I don't like it. And then every day for the past month, I'll eat eggs for breakfast.

And then later in the day, six hours later, my brain will remember that i've eaten eggs and freak out and make me feel like ill for about 20 minutes really yeah wow okay so that okay so you want to overcome that has that held you back in any part of your life up until this point because Because what are you, 20? 27. So you're 27. You've gone 27 years with this phobia.

I've been an eggless boy. Like, have you been in situations where you've had to shun the egg or you've had to be like, is there egg in that? Every breakfast I've ever had, like a cooked breakfast, relies on the eggs and you have to have a chat with the person that's making it or i have to go can i swap that for sausage or can i swap that for beans well that's actually it doesn't sound like a bad swap to be honest it's a decent swap but i would just i would like to like a you know like a premier in breakfast you want to be

lumping scrambled eggs on and believing in yourself. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm with you. And your girlfriend, does she love eggs? Well, I mean, she's a bit spooked by how much eggs I'm eating at the minute. Like I am, I'm eating an incredible amount. I'm eating four eggs a day. Are you?

Yeah, I scramble four eggs every day. See, you're going to find your place with eggs and she's just going to be put off for life. Well, you started it. You made me try eggs that one time. So eggs, eggs is going to be your food choice just because of the challenge. I mean, but that feels like I'm doing a good thing. The other option

that i just legitimately hate and i have other conquests in the culinary world that i would like to take on that i haven't taken on yet cooked fruit fuck that apple crumble apple tart rhubarb things fruity desserts all of that can i hate it jaffa cakes no jam no do you know i'm thinking about it it's not just the eggs it's a texture for you right surely it's but i think i like i think do i like other gooey things maybe it is the greenest but it's the do you eat i have and they're okay they're all right i don't mind an oyster but it's the it's like the tartness of a cooked fruit thing. Okay, okay. Yeah, I don't like that. I would say that an oyster is like peak goo and weird food.

So if you can deal with an oyster, then it's probably not that. Yeah. Yeah, the cooked fruit thing. But it's like, because Jaffa Cakes, they're not gooey. I just hate them. And chocolate orange. Yeah. Yeah, get them. And chocolate orange. Yeah. Yeah, get chocolate orange on the island.

That's the thing I hate more than anything else. Terry's chocolate orange. Yeah, or any off-brand chocolate orange either. I don't like any of them. Why not? It's just in the way of chocolate's great. Orange is fine. Why would you put that in there?

It's a hurdle to get to the chocolate. I love both. Do you know what I like that nobody there? It's a hurdle to get to the chocolate. I love both. Do you know what I like that nobody likes? Lime chocolates. I don't know if I've ever had lime chocolates. They're hard-boiled sweets that are half lime, half chocolate. And they're great. They're so good.

They're so weird. Every time I have one, my brain goes i think i think my nan likes those you know they're great me and your nan would get on are they big in ireland i don't know i've only had them in ireland but i don't they don't strike me as a hugely irish thing lime chocolates my nan's irish maybe maybe maybe it's an irish thing the lime chocolate okay okay all right um so what are we choosing because i feel like we've talked about a lot of things chocolate orange chocolate orange chocolate orange is going to be your choice what about like christmas time you don't just like fancy a chocolate orange no and all that christmas pudding and stuff that's more cooked fruit and mince pies go away but you're a barrel of laughs at christmas

just give me a chocolate thing please that's fine there's a lot of options do you know i mean and there's cranberry sauce yeah christmas is a difficult time for me culinarily is that yeah hopefully you like gravy and then great i'm a big gravy guy tell you what i like that i've only encountered recently bovril i've only ever had it at football matches yeah but it's all right yeah i love that they've just changed the name as if we're not all drinking gravy yeah it's true it is though isn't it it's just beef stock and i'm not a tea or coffee man that's my next gauntlet on my culinary gauntlet i don't i have i hate tea and i hate coffee so just quickly bovril is delicious but then so so what is that going to be a drink choice tea or coffee no my flarcordial i'm getting the sense that this is like actually one of the most incredibly middle class choices i didn't know the angle but it's just clicked maybe that is it so my problem with

elderflower cordial is similar to my egg thing where I just decided a long time ago that I didn't like it based on nothing. So I've never, ever tried elderflower cordial. Oh, right. Okay. Ever. And my mom and my older brother really liked it, and I just took a notion, nope, that's not for me. I don't like that. But then I was getting intrigued when I was a child and I was going, why have I made that

decision? Why have I decided I don't like elderflower cordial? This seems silly. I should try it. But I was too prideful to ask for elderflower cordial because I'd go, no, I don't like it. And they would all go, well, you haven't tried it. And I go, no, shut up. I have.

And so I was too prideful to be like can i actually try that please so one day i saw a pint of elderflower cordial sat on the kitchen counter beside the sink and i went nobody else was around so i sneaked up to the the elderflower cordial and i took a big glug glug glug like three big swallows of elderflower cordial and but it turns out what that was was water with fairy liquid in it so now i'm traumatized away from elderflower cordial because i drank soap it's nice i don't know if anyone's ever chosen a drink that they've never tried. I never will try. I can't.

I've got PTSD from the fairy liquid. Wow. Wow. Also, you're on a desert island, right? Just to be pedantic, if that's the right word. And you're like, okay, I know that I need some liquid here. Oh, but you having a cordial would be brutal on a desert island, wouldn't it? It would, and you would have nothing to mix it with.

So it's just like pure elderflower cordial. Does the opposite of quench your thirst? It does, yeah, it dries you out. Even worse, you get there and you open the bottle and it's just fairy liquid mixed with water. Oh, God. Terrible. Your guts, your guts. you get there and you open the bottle and it's just fairy liquid mixed with water oh god terrible your guts your guts between that between chocolate orange and fairy liquid water i fear for everyone else on the island jesus christ they'll all be hiding from you just a withered man just spewing okay right

okay yeah I mean ugly choices anything else about Elderfowl Cordial before we put it on the island no I think

get it on the island okay great great fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system

continues to work but just your luck it only has two working settings one is your least favorite film of all time and the other is your least favorite song what are they and why i think i don't know if this is my least favorite film but it's certainly the film that people think i'm going to like the most that i don't like okay i I am a half Italian half Irish man and everybody everybody told me ah you must have loved the Irishman

you must have loved it because that's you isn't it that whole film is just you that's what you that's your stuff. And I tell you what, I left it halfway through. I went to the cinema to watch it.

I checked my watch when I got bored and I realized that there were two and a half hours left in the movie. And I went, I gotta go. I gotta go. And here's my argument for why I don't like it. My argument for why I don't like it is if I wanted to watch old Italian men subtly hand each other envelopes full of money, I would go to my dad's birthday.

Oh, that's good oh just like it's just too long i mean it would fill up the long days on the desert island i guess you'd just be able to watch it and jesus i said when i left the cinema and i was like i'll go back and watch it and and like break it up on netflix but i never did did you why did like what i didn't go and watch it at the cinema what compelled you to go watch it at the cinema i really like the cinema i really like going to the cinema. I think it's great. And, you know, like it's Scorsese and you're like, this is going to be, I'm going to see Killers of the Flower Moon on Friday.

And that looks amazing. That does look good. And I love it. And there's just some films where people go, this is a masterpiece. Like, this is the thing. You got to go see this in the cinema and not just watch it on Netflix or whatever and I was like okay and then I just I left the cinema got a haircut and by the time the haircut was finished I still the movie wasn't over no way I feel like I feel like I was

wondering if you went because people said you'd like it well i think there are scorsese i haven't watched loads and loads of scorseses but i i've liked them and i like kind of i don't know like the cast is amazing and on paper you're like yeah this is going to be great but i just felt so removed from it all i don't know if it's because i don't know anything about that time in history it felt like it was somewhat based in like the reality of like jimmy hoffa and i was like who the fuck's jimmy hoffa like i don't yeah it's true i don't know any of these people so i don't feel any connection to them and i don't really get why they're all just like i just didn't i really didn't hook me at all it felt like people like oh but it was great seeing, like,

De Niro and Pacino have those scenes together where they're, like, going at it. I'm like, yeah, but when I watch a movie, I don't want to think about, oh, isn't it cool that they're buddies and they're doing a film together? I want to be in the story, you know? Yeah, yeah. And that's probably part of the problem because everyone since then thinks that you are in the story and says to you you must have loved that because that is you that's what i do i'm full of organized crime

do you know you really come across like that actually i do think yeah it's on the cover yeah yeah i'm trafficking eggs, through your internal organs. Okay. All right, The Irishman. Great. Too long. Yeah, it's too long, too boring, too hyped. Yeah.

And what's going to be your song choice? No, this is slightly more on brand for me. And it's not actually because of just me being a real wanker about it. I don't think there's – I think if it was a different song, I wouldn't hate it as much. Because of what it is, I automatically hate it, but it also does itself no favors. The song I've chosen is God Save the King,

which I automatically hate because it's the English national anthem. Yeah, yeah. But also, it's shit. Yeah. As national anthems go, there is no worse national anthem than the English national anthem. It is, in my opinion, the worst by far. And Spain's doesn't even have any words. The words are crap. The words are crap.

The notes are crap. It's not rousing. I don't know how anyone gets, like, turned on by it, chewed up by it. I feel like, isn't there something as well, like we only sing that one section, but if you carry the song on, it gets really quite dark.

It gets a bit dicey. It gets a bit like a history that we'd like to bury. Yeah. Kind of. Yeah. There's actually, there's like an extended version, you know, like the album version of the track. So you're from Belfast, right?

I am, yes. What is the Northern Irish? Well, Northern Ireland doesn't really have one so there's the irish and then if you watch the rugby we get like two different anthems which is like exciting we get the one that's in irish that is for the the south the republic of ireland but then we get the kind of all ireland which loads of people hate loads of people hate the kind of manufactured all ireland kind of rugby one um because it is a bit childish it's calm the day and calm the hour calm the power and the glory we have gone to answer

our country's call it's just like it's like it could be about any country do you know what i mean yeah but it's all it's already i don't know if it's you singing it but immediately it's more fun it's like yeah do you know what do you know what's the best and this is also me being biased the best anthem by far and i said this i went to the euros the final of the euros italy versus england and it was like a comparison of the best anthem in football and the worst anthem in football the best actually to be fair to england i think the american national anthem because of the way they do it is potentially worse i hate that they get one person to sing it and nobody sings along yeah i think that's so so weird it is weird it is weird like very very strange that it's just like j-lo singing it and everybody else just stands there

it's like the whole thing of a national anthem is everybody gets involved but the italian national anthem you know it's the best national anthem because because before the words come in people are singing along because the the orchestral intro is such a banger everyone goes Everyone goes... They're beating their chest. It's proper energy. It's so sick. They've won the match before it's even started. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, and I just think... I think it's in the words of Bill Bailey. He refers to God Save the King as a funereal dirge. I think not wrong. Because there's no intro. There's no intro to God... It like creeps in it just goes and it's just like you're right i i think it does the i watch england play football of course i do support england when they play and um and i've been to the matches and you're watching it on tv and the national

anthem comes on there's always this weird thing it's like do you sing it don't you sing it and like you just sat with your mates in your living room and it's like we're not gonna sing that so you're just like at the time just you know oh god i don't think i don't sing any national anthem in my house no but when you watch it in the pub with a group of people you're part of it you get swept up there's a real intensity to england fandom and international sports there's a real kind of bite to it isn't there yeah yeah yeah oh no wonder people hate us around the world it's like if it wasn't born out of colonialism it would it would be that because it's just we we behave terribly it's really bad irish fans just like seem to bring a party wherever they go without having any cash and it

is because we aren't shit like there's because there's no stakes for us really there's no that that weight of expectation i think but brings out like an aggression in England fans god save the king yeah I'm sorry to I'm sorry to anyone no I'm like it was nice that you talked for five minutes just to um in a roundabout way like the underlying thing is that you hate the English I don't know why we bothered you could have just said that but that's okay I love this it's like I hate all of, but come see me on tour, please. I think that would be nice. Yeah.

Well, at least you're playing in Ireland. Yeah, those things would be good. Okay. Thank you very much, Vittorio. And finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why? Oh, it's overrun? Yeah, well, this is something I'm dealing with in my life right now.

Okay. The foxes outside my house are getting cocky. They're getting very confident. Like I'll walk up to the drive where I turn in to get to the front door of the block of flats, and the fox just walks up to the top of the path and just looks at me. And normally you go like, right, if I take a couple steps forward, he's going to like bolt.

But I took a couple steps forward he's gonna like bolt but i took a couple steps forward and he just sat down and i was like the goal the gumption and then you get you know you do like a clap or something and then it went you kind of shrug i don't know if foxes can shrug but it felt like he shrugged at me he was like yeah fuck you mate and then i had to do, like, I've only recently learned how to whistle through my fingers. Oh, yeah. So that was the only way I could get him to go, was just be like, wah! Like, absolutely hoof it out.

And, yeah, they're just getting a bit big for their boots. Getting a bit cocky. Also, my bad the other night. My friend gave me a cannabis gummy, and I don't really do drugs very often, but i just said yes because i was excited and i went to the fucking moon by accident i'm like so i was i had a mcdonald's and an uber and then by the time i got i was too paranoid to eat the chips in the uber because i thought he would be really angry at me so i was like sneaking chips in the back of the uber and by the time i got to my house

chips were cold and i was like i can't eat cold mcdonald's chips so i went into the garden of my block of flats and started throwing the chips into the grass for the foxes because i was like i know we've had arguments before but i think we can be friends now and then i went upstairs and went over that so i am simultaneously encouraging and discouraging the foxes in my life right now yeah because they're going to keep coming back the problem is now you've just now you're just going to get over on with rats yeah this is the foxes control the rats that is yeah because also the chips will probably bring the rats that's yeah that's a real bother that i've put myself into i also used to have and i can tell this to my to paxman adam brand lizzo i can tell my

i have a couple stupid fox jokes um that never worked on stage but i think are really funny i had one that was like you know i come from belfast i'm very middle class but then you kind of moved to london and there's like there's like upper middle class people you know i've never met these people for their upper middle class you know these guys are out there hunting foxes on horseback i'm hunting foxes on foot like a pleb it's good it's a good little i just think it's good it's good oh i'm sad it didn't land i'm glad you got to recycle it on here. It's a good little fox. Thanks for bringing it to us. Oh, go on. Have you got one more?

Oh, just the noise that foxes make when they're having sex. God, it sounds like they're fighting. It's fucking awful. They're like, ah, ah, ah. And I'm like, God, if they sound like they're fighting when they're having sex, what do they sound like when they're fighting? Are they like, hiya? Two objectively bad jokes that I think are great.

It's fun. It's fun. Thank you. Okay, yeah, Fox is too cockyy i remember a similar situation when i lived in london they're just like they just stare you out and like when someone gonna do something about it because at some point they're gonna start taking over yeah they eat babies sometimes don't they that's like a thing urban foxes are very aggressive i think urban foxes i swear there's been like stories of urban foxes

like eating a baby's face or something maybe this is like an urban myth from the urban fox but i'd love an urban fox hunt that'd be so funny if they're on horses like skidding around corners of central london that'd be so sick yeah but it'd be blokes in car hat hats and single speed bikes running around with lassoos or something. And instead of like the beagles, it's like cavapoo's chasing after the fox. Yeah. Oh, that's great. Yeah. All right.

Okay, foxes. Anything else on the urban fox before we put it on there? No, I think get the urban Fox on there. Okay. Get the urban Fox. Victoria. It has been a lot of fun.

Thank you so much for joining me on the podcast. I really appreciate it. Um, you've got a lot of stuff going on. Yes, I have a, I have a tour on sale now for going all around the UK and Ireland and hoping to add some European dates as well. This was very exciting.

I was looking and it's doing incredibly there's already some sold out dates. Yeah, it's crazy man. So we're adding some extras as well. So if you look on the website and it says that they're sold out, there should be extras coming soon for the likes of London and Glasgow and places like that.

So that will be great. And then I have a podcast I do with my friend Mike Rice who's a brilliant comedian from Kilkenny. It's called Mike and Vittorio's Guide to Parenting. Neither of us have kids. We are just trying to attract an audience of young mums. So if you feel like that is you and you would like to get involved, find me on Instagram.

I post loads and loads of clips of all sorts of funny things that i think you would like and listen to the podcast guide to parenting yeah yeah well thank you again thanks for coming on thanks so much man