Desert Island Dicks - ZACK SIGNORE

Episode Date: October 21, 2024

ANOTHER ONE! Serving another episode for your listening pleasure before our new host takes over in a couple of weeks. This one we recorded a while ago with the brilliant Zack Signore! Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, I'm James Deacon and welcome to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you marooned on a desert island after a plane crash with the worst people and worst things imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick is up to our guest and here to share their desert island dicks with us today is comedian podcaster and aspiring model jack senior how's everybody doing aspiring and failing i have to be very clear about that i'm so desperate for a studio to pick me up and they don't want to i keep not having the look, whatever. Look, I would say, so you're on a podcast. You make a podcast called Le Podcast

with a previous guest to this podcast just a few weeks ago, Gabby Bryan, right? Yeah, I think she's asleep over there. So I'm going to start screaming to wake her up. Yeah, it's a little late. Yeah, it's like 11 o'clock, come on. It's okay. We don't wake up till like noon sometimes it's so hard

to adjust over here um because we won't stop partying maybe that's it yeah so the thing is it's um so you're over in london at the minute you um are you feeling the jet lag are you feeling like the time difference i couldn't be feeling it more um It hurts so bad. Like, I didn't even read. This is the first experience I've had where I've truly felt jet lag because I've never had a moment to adjust. I always thought that it was everybody was being dramatic. Yeah. Like my entire life. People like jet lag.

Oh, my God. I'm feeling jet lag right now. I'm like, I was like, shut up. Just go to sleep and you'll be fine. It's been two weeks and I'm not adjusted. I'm like having fever dreams at night. You know what I mean? Because it's like two weeks and i'm not adjusted i'm like i'm like having fever dreams at night you know what i mean because it's like my body has no idea what time it is um well look uh it looks i've seen on social media it looks like you're having a great time

oh high highs low lows yeah you don't see the low lows on social media no you don't you don't you're right but look um so look the plane didn't crash. You got over here, but we're going to hypothetically put you on a desert Island. You've crashed on a desert Island with the worst people and worst things imaginable. How, how did you find choosing them? Was it easy? Did it, is it something that came easily to you or was it struggle? Um, it was kind of, you know, the hard one for me was the animals. Oh, cause I love, I'm, I'm a crazy'm a, you know, I'm like a Disney princess. I love all creatures of this world, except for the people.

So that was easy. Was it? Did you find that you had more than you needed and you had to whittle it down? Or was there, you know? I was, to come up with things I don't like, it's an endless resource. That's the real renewable resource that, that the, that they should check into forget, forget, uh, solar. Okay. Comedian venom is what they should be fueling the world off of. Okay. Okay. Um, I'm just like very interested to dive in because it came so easy, easy to who is going to be your first choice for the desert island.

Okay. My first one for this is I, and I need to preface this with the fact that I'm a gay guy that, that will illuminate a lot going forward. I don't know if you could tell by the way I talk, act and am, but my first person, it's like if I'm in this plane and it crash landed and I like look up on the island, the only other guy is Anderson Cooper. OK, I don't know who Anderson Cooper is. Right. He is that CNN correspondent with the white hair. He's a gay guy with glasses.

OK, yes, I know exactly who that is. Right. OK. I don't know if it's like, would gay guys love to pit each other against each other? So if I was on it, I would, we would both be like, Oh, I'm the better gay guy. He's like, he comes across as an incredibly powerful man. Like whatever, you know what I mean? I find,

I find I've always thought this is that he is like the most non-fun. You can't be fun and be like a correspondent on CNN. I feel like you sort of have to, you're talking about the brass tacks. I feel like he would be the worst guy to riff with. Like, I would be like. And if you're on an island with me, we're riffing. You know what I mean? I'm like. We're riffing non-stop or i'll die

so i just feel like he don't he would just be like yeah he has no riff he would just i'd be like trying to be like so blah blah blah and he would be like oh well 10 like 100 people dead blah blah blah and i'm like oh god fucking jesus christ he's like a what about her kind of guy you know yeah yeah yeah i feel like because of who he is as well he'd be desperately trying to think of the story do you mean he'd be like what is the story how was how am i going to better my career on the journalistic scoop of being on this island right and can we clock out i mean we're on a desert island okay like can you leave work on the plane okay we're hunter gatherers now okay like that's what i mean he would do terrible in hunter gatherer so i've only seen him on clips online

because i don't think um he's as popular here in the uk if you like give us some top line examples like of of this guy so to paint a picture for some of the listeners okay well first off no this is like not even a lot of americans know this um he he's part of the vanderbilt family right okay which is like a the vanderbilt family they're like in you know how like america was all started by like evil guys and their families yeah like evil oil tycoons or whatever yeah it's kind of like that's our royalty yeah that's our our royalty is evil oil tycoons like the people who's got like the mustaches um the guys who all look like the guy on monopoly yeah yeah yeah yeah that's like our god i've seen there will be blood right it's that is that right yeah yeah that's exactly it um that guy is based off like the rockefellers in

that movie and like one of the vanderbilts so he's part of that family that's worth like a bajillion bajillion dollars and i there was just like this one time because people call him out like you know his opponents like they always call him out. And then on the news, he was like, people love to call out what? Because my name is like, I'm part of this family. It's just a name. And I'm like, bro, it's more than that. Like, being rich and being like oil tycoon family is like, they're different. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Well, I'm looking at pictures of him now. This man sleeps incredibly well at night.

Like that always got a great, he has a great, he gets great Botox basically. Oh my God, look, he's like one shade. He's like one color palette. Have you seen like that? That hair has died. Yeah, and there's not a wrinkle on him, He's like one shade. He's like one color palette. Have you seen like that? That hair has died. Yeah. And there's not a wrinkle on him. But you could tell he's getting 10 hours sleep a night in freshly changed sheets on the daily.

Well, there's something about him being a journalist. I don't know if this is fucked up with me to say. And fuck it. I'll say it. I don't care. Couldn't make this the clip. No. Is that he like, I find like a super rich, like when when i say super rich i'm not even talking about

the regular rich like this like mythically god rich guy is like being a journalist i'm like ew what's what fascinates you about us peasants that you want to like go like just go fucking on trips dude no one needs to yeah you should just be on holiday all the time why are you bothering to turn up i know it's like dude no one cares what you have to say. I'm sorry. Like, you won the genetic lottery. You were born into that family. Like, just go to clubs.

Like, what the fuck? Yeah. Just go disgrace yourself on the, yeah. I mean, and get your lawyers to pay them off. Do you know what I mean? If I was a Vanderbilt, do you think I would be doing this? Like, do you think? I would not be here right now.

I would be in Ibiza if you think i would not be here right now i would be in abiza abita okay i would i would be like to mykonos then back to visa one day like yeah yeah just do it yeah um okay and so then you talked about um like the there'd be like competition on the island what competition do you see with with anderson like you well i would just want to be the hotter one okay so i would be like doing crossfit with the rocks i would be like there's a recurring theme between gabby's episode and your episode we have a podcast together about being as toxic as possible like i guess i thought we were being that well you're nailing the brief i'd say hell yeah yeah it's great no um when you said aspiring model and you put yourself down like a lot of like not in a perverse way if you google your podcast it's mostly just pictures of you two in your underwear i mean if you're not pitching yourself to do some kind of modeling or something. All my peers and friends are asking me about that.

I'd say it's not subtle. It's not subtle. Yeah, my mom's pretty upset. But I know I was talking to my friends. I'm like, guys, podcasting is starting to require like a lot of body. Like I'm like, I thought this was an audio medium. You're doing extra crunches you're like yeah we're like trying to get into modeling through the back door of

comedy which no one's ever done yeah i don't i don't think i don't think anyone's ever gone that route but it's great it's not working and you shouldn't do it i'm here for it when it pays off you'll be laughing on the other side of your face when you're as rich as Anderson Cooper. We'll see about that. We'll see. We'll see. If I discover an oil well, then I'll get back to you. Yeah.

Okay. So, Anderson Cooper is going to be your first choice. Anything else about Anderson before we put him on the island? No. I think he – no. Ew. My last statement about him? Ew.

Ew. Yeah. Done. Right. Move on. Okay. he um no ew my my last statement about him ew yeah done right move on okay thank you very much zach who's going to be a second choice um gwyneth paltrow oh okay yeah i mean and if i i can't say that too loud because my friend who's sleeping is like a huge fan she is sort of like you know they're like on youtube and everything you're a guy you understand there's like sort of like, you know, they're like on YouTube and everything. You're a guy, you understand. There's like sort of a radical anti-science culture that is always being pushed on you. Yep. Yep. Yep. People love to think that's just happening to men. Gwyneth Paltrow is that for women. Okay. Yes. I see that. Right. Right. Right. Goop. Yeah. Have you ever like looked at the products? It's like like put this garlic candle up your your vagina

yeah it will like align your chakras it's like what like it's wild it's absolutely wasn't there some stones that you're meant to like pop up there leave up there all day and then she loves doing that pop them back out no i'm not sure that's advice you should be giving to people i know it's so funny because when you're like at the there was like that viral clip of her being like yeah i do like ozone therapy but i shove it it's like goes up my ass like i'm i'm like it's so funny we evolved millions of years and like but that's the secret you know what i mean like evolution didn't think of that um i just find that you know there's the horseshoe and like it all goes back to being anti-vax you know what i

mean like that's where it starts and ends it goes yeah yeah the reason why i said her is i do think we would get along really well we'd get on great you know what i mean because i could talk i could talk about language i'd be like yo can i like fuck it yeah like garlic where yeah like i would talk but i think like she the reason why i say her is i just have a feeling she would make me do a lot on the island right i'm getting the lumber i'm hunting the wild boars i'm cooking the wild boars you know what i mean and then she's like complaining about the the wild boars. I'm cooking the wild boars. You know what I mean? And then she's like complaining about the wild boar meat. And I'm like, all right, all right, okay. And you look around, you're doing all the work.

You look around, she's just got a foot behind her head with a candle just coming out. I know. I'm like, you have those candles? I've been trying to start a fire for days. What's that smell? And you look around and it's just her lighting a candle. I'm like, why does it smell like Italian food? Where the hell yeah why does it smell like italian food and vaginas oh it's good

like a candle in us brilliant you have a lighter like i'd be so pissed yeah like the maddest thing is that is that popping stuff up yourself like i imagine the emergency room and just like people come come in looking a bit shy and they're like we've got another one i'm surprised that they haven't got like a cease and desist like i'm surprised like yeah it's wild to be honest i've never even been on the website but so many people have mentioned it to me. I just am like, what the hell is this thing? I mean, the branding is so good that it would fool even me, honestly.

Like I'll buy something from that company. You know what I mean? It's like $3 bajillion for like a powder made of like crushed ladybugs and it's supposed to like get rid of your adult acne. I don't know. Yeah, it's great. Gwyneth Paltrow i mean the thing the sad thing is like i can't specifically remember i'm sure she was a good actor as well i'm sure

she was good great she was great in iron man she was great yeah just do that though i think that's fine to just be good at that i don't think that you need to do the other thing there is something so awesome about like an actor or an actress who then just like stops doing it completely and then becomes a billionaire through like an insane company like i think just and i might be wrong about this but you know jessica alba yes yeah she um she she like has like this baby clothes company. It doesn't even act anymore. It's a billionaire. Oh, baby clothes. Wow.

I'm like, what's my thing? And I'm like, what's mine? Cause I want to stop immediately. You know, I'll tell you what, it's probably not,

it's probably not comedy, but if you can use it as a jumping off point, well, performers are never the high billionaires, you know, they're like, they have $1 billion. And so like amongst the billionaires, they're like the losers, you know they're like they have one billion dollars and so like amongst the billionaires they're like the losers you know like what are they like the fate like oprah and

like michael jordan but those are from just their like their branding of their ip i feel like they are billionaires not from like the things they did but i feel like your merchandise can be whatever you want it to be right it's literally whatever you want it to be, right? It's literally whatever you want it to be. There's no rules. Christmas trees or whatever the hell. You can make it your thing. I don't know why there's one next. There's literally a Christmas tree right here.

That would be so funny. It's like, you know that guy, Zack Signore? He's a billionaire from Christmas trees. Fast forward 10 years and look at him now. I just like crossbreed and make him pink. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's good. But then to make your merchandise candles that you put into yourself to release your chakras.

It's an interesting choice, I'd say. But, you know. Hey, I mean, in this dark world, okay, whatever you can do to get ahead, do it. I don't judge. I don't like, I'm just like, go for it, bitch. do it i don't judge i don't like i'm just like go for a bitch but it is annoying you know like yeah yeah because i'm trying to work out because you are now defending i'm sure you were putting her on the island but that's it would be annoying it would be annoying and i wouldn't like it but if when we're not on the island i'm like do you

okay and if in this dark world if you can make become a billionaire from fucking garlic vagina vagina candles like go for it yeah live your life that's great yeah okay good about your solid choice okay so far anderson cooper and griffin show it's like who's going to be your third choice okay this one is actually going to be the hardest one because this one is not because I hate them. Okay. I don't know if you guys are aware. You guys have a British guy who is sort of like a famous guy who's very famous, Henry Cavill.

Yeah, I know. He'd be a superman. That guy looks like he was created in an evil gay lab. Yeah. Yeah. The operative word is evil. Like the, he was created by an evil gay scientist to hurt gay guys. You know what I mean?

Like, so if I like woke up after the print, like, like the plane crash, like, and I got up and it's just, he's like, I don't know. I would be like, hello. I would be like, fuck.

I would be like, fuck. What have you done? Because, you know, because now it's not about survival. Now I would be, like, subconsciously trying to look hot constantly, and that's like so much mental weight. Oh, sorry.

Plane crash. I'd be doing bits. i'd be like fuck fuck fuck i would be doing rapid fire bits like they would come out before i even thought trying to make him like me and i wouldn't stop until the rescue boat got there he'd probably kill me with a fucking rock by the yeah it's um i i've seen well obviously i've seen him i know i've seen the films and like, I know exactly what he looks like. It's inhuman. Like, I don't understand.

It's fucked up. He should have to wear a veil, I think. I think you should have to wear a veil. I don't think you should be able to show that. I don't think on TV that's fucked up. Okay. Yeah. I'm just Googling him now like when you're

casting superman there is not there's no one that could be more superman i think he's almost like too sexy to be superman because like i feel like you're not supposed to want to fuck superman you're supposed he's supposed to be like a like a like a like a lawful good like upstanding citizen and not that not a sex god like what the fuck like but like he's in films as like a quote-unquote normal guy like aside from um superman i'm just trying to find one but like he plays like regular people in films but he is built like in like a wwe wrestler i still get a picture of him here in a suit and you ever see those wrestlers the suit is like oh or like a basketball player they have to have a weird shape oversized suit that man's arms are bigger than both of my

legs put together i know but like imagine without all that chicken breast he's gonna shrink real quick you know what i mean i worked out i know i know you need to be eating a lot of chicken breast yeah but like i finally kind of understand why straight guys act so crazy like i like because i think only recently in our in the western world they start like posting pictures of hot guys everywhere and it and i'm like being like jesus fucking christ like how do you guys like and then i'm like oh my god they've been posting pictures of hot girls throughout all history that's why straight guys have started all those wars i'm like i'm like i like it i saw every war flash before my eye and i was like i get it i would do that i would do oh it'll be the downfall of society yeah it's fucked up yeah okay um alongside trying to competitively look hot for the rest of your days is there anything else about henry carver that

is going to be difficult on the desert island um i used to follow him online yes and i had to unfollow him but not for like the reason why you think because he like okay i like a nerd okay i love a nerd i love a geek okay i play dnd i play you know what i mean i like i like that i used to play world of warcraft i feel like he's kind of boring like he like posted these videos of him like building a computer i've seen it yeah yeah yeah i was watching that being like oh my god i would break up with him like i would be like after like three months i would be like i don't think this is working there's a few there's a few elements within the video though so all right so i think it took him like a few days

to build the computer he was so excited when these like components of building a computer arrived. Then you see inside his house, right? Or inside his room. There's like no furnishings. There's nothing on the wall. Nothing on, that is such a red flag when there's nothing on the wall. Well, there's just, well, I'm in an upstairs room of an office right now. I'm not judging you.

No, this is not my house. Red flag, no. Yeah yeah there's nothing in there and also i think some of the weirdest lighting like the room is so dark and he's got the curtains drawn in the day when you're that hot i don't think like he's ever like he doesn't get it like he you know what i mean i feel like i put art on the wall because i've felt hardship you know what i mean like i've that's why art makes sense like you know what i mean like sorry night makes no sense if you've never felt bad like i'm kidding hot people do feel bad sometimes um not that often but yeah not that often it's like easier to get like to go back up when you're

extremely hot it's like what's your thought being like oh fuck like oh wait i'm a bombshell yeah i don't need to think about that stuff the mere mortals can deal with that um yeah i feel like you're probably right he can't focus on being that hot and, you know, getting the lighting right. No, I mean, neither would I, if I was that hot, like, just like if I was a Vanderbilt, if I was that hot, I was fucking, I would be an asshole. I mean, he seems nice. I would be a nightmare. I would be fucking.

Oh, good. It's good. Okay. And I will reiterate the parallel between yours and gabby's episode are they exactly the same no but the underlying theme is that you don't want any competitive hotness with you on the island and we're not even on an island i'm already feeling that in regular world the regular society you know i think being on the island is just showing like my evil demons come out on blast. It's just like.

Okay. I'm enjoying this. This is really good so far. Thank you very much. Oh, no problem. Among the wreckage of the plane, there was some food and drink left over. Unfortunately for you, it's your least favorite food and drink in the world. What are they and why are they so bad?

All right. This one, I think everyone's going to be mad at me for saying this. And especially people in America. I know you guys will be mad at me even americans are gonna be really mad at me i really don't like any seafood oh any at all i okay i can eat a fish because that's basically a steak okay like that is but when people are eating these fucking googly little rocks like clams okay little and fucking like honestly huge spiders which are all crustaceans i and squids that's the most fucked up thing in my mind look at it that thing looks fucking disgusting i would never eat a squid i would never eat calamari or any of that fucking gross bullshit.

So it's like that, I can't even swallow it. Cause I think my mind is like, so like this is a bug or an alien or a gross fleshy rock. And I can't get into it. So I get really skinny, but I would, um,

yeah, it's going to be difficult for you because the debt, like it's probably going to be one of the main things that you might be able to get. Even if the plane didn't have it, the other food I would be able to get is that. Seafood and stuff, yeah. I'm hoping there's a population of little boars that I could hunt. No, I get it. Look, I eat seafood, right?

Yeah, but there is something weird about if you have like, say you go for like some Asian food and there's like a stir fry meal and it's got those little tentacly octopus things in there and you put it in your mouth and you could feel all of the legs. That's like fucked up. Like who ate that? I feel like squids in particular, like look at them. Would you ever, I would never eat that. I'll eat anything on land and I'll eat any part of a land creature. I'll eat it.

I'll eat its ass. Okay. I'll fucking, I'll eat it. Like, but I'm not eating a fucking gross squid. Like that looks like an alien and it's got like a beak. What? No, I don't know. When did you discover this or have you always disliked it?

I'm from new England, new England. Not, I know I'm in the old one, but I'm from new England. Um, but just fucking all of our towns are the same. The pilgrims were not creative.

Okay. Why are they called the same thing? I know. They were probably stressed. Like from the journey that they got there and they're like okay it's it's plymouth i don't know all right yeah i know and i looked i'm from this little town called lettreff and there's like there's a lettreff and i was like settlers from literally my tiny little town were like we're going to america and they went and found the new land and they were like this is lettreff and they couldn't

think of it they've taken all that time it took weeks to get there at that point like like 90 days it took like a long time you could have come up with something new like a whole summer like a whole summer yeah it's like why but also to turn up and be like i i call this new england and it was what forget the old places. Weren't you mad at them? Like, I would be like, I wouldn't want to respect them by saying that. I mean, now I'm happy because New England is kind of cute, like new and old. I'm from Wallingford, Connecticut.

And there's a Wallingford here. So it must be people from Wallingford have gone to Wallingford and said. There's a Milford. There's a Danbury. Danbury is what you say. there's a milford there's a danbury danberry is what you say um there's a such plastonberry is there yeah is there durham that those are such oldie english names as well i love how we kind of rebrand them a little bit you know what i mean like it's like danberry you know what i mean like you wouldn't say Danbury. It'd be like easy.

There's a Manchester. We also have a New London, which I live near. New London. Oh, yeah. It is a shithole. It's a shithole. They really fucked up that. They were like, this is going to be the New London. And then they're like, ah, never mind. Fuck it. It's going to be a shitty town with only

fucking strip malls. Really? Well, I'm not unlike parts of London, if I i'm honest with you i've been to stratford but yeah um okay i am well wait back to my like i was saying in new england yeah like seafood is like our our cuisine you know right okay in connecticut you know like new england clam chowder because you know like lobster and all that kind of stuff so my entire life I've been sort of inundated with you should be eating this and be and I was constantly given this kind of shit but I would even as a young child I'd be like no that's how my mom knew I was gay because I would be like no absolutely not I'll take a salad no um no croutons um it from it was from a young age and and like since then have you had to

experience it many times have you been in social situations where you felt the need to just go along with it and eat some fish or or do you put your foot down and say no above all i want to be liked um so i definitely will eat it if if it's like in a group setting um because i'm a man of the world yeah okay i'll eat anything once to just oh we've all got a fragile ego i'm i do exactly the same more than anything else i want people to like me so even if i don't like it i'm eating it yeah like i'll eat it but i'll be really upset um and my friend like one time i was in maine um and i uh and also above all i'm a good guest okay i would never disrespect a home or a household um and so i was in maine and maine lobster it's like mythic everyone's like you gotta eat the lobster i was

there and it was like this little you know i was there was like this little commune very maine and um the host was like, was preparing this big dinner. And he came up to me. He's like, are you allergic to lobster? And I was like, oh, I'm not allergic. Because I thought, you know, they were preparing the food around it. I didn't want him to worry. That was me confirming that I would eat an entire lobster.

And so I sit at that dinner kind of like, let's eat lobster. And then he's like, it's the best and so i had to put myself in a fugue state okay and be like like just went with it it was traumatic um the protein think of the protein think of the protein yeah that's all i was like think of it but and then they're like don't eat the the back part with all the green slime that's it's shit i'm like i'm like okay look at everyone cracking the little spider legs off it and shit and then when you turn it over you're like that is a punk dude that's that is great okay i think justified choice seafood and what is going to be your drink choice

i mean again like henry cavill it's because i love this one so much and it's dangerous it's diet coke um i am and it's your guys's fault i met a british guy uh one of my friends in new york like two years ago and i used to never drink soda i used to kind of be like a like a like i would i don't drink that shit. Um, and he's like, drink this diet Coke. And I'm like, fine.

I drank it. And then I, and I heard the sound of God. I was like, I would be embarrassed to say how many diet Cokes I drink a day. Really? I drink still drink it now. There's something about the ones over here that don't hit as hard.

And I think it's cause there's no microplastic. Um, I think I like that part. I think we've got different rules around sweetener and sugar and stuff yeah probably i don't know i like the chemical part um yeah the burn yeah like at my house my roommates are like the only ones who see and they're like dude this is a lot and it's just like in one day i I buy them also single, like loosies. You know what I mean? Like loose.

I only buy one at a time. That is a man in denial about how much you drink. Because I'm not buying a 12-pack. No, yeah, because then you're admitting that you have a problem. Right, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but no, it's the amount I'm chugging every day. So if they were on that island, I would also drink them all the first day because I have this scarcity mentality with them. Like, I'm like, I need to drink it right now.

And I'm just subconsciously also, I don't even realize, but planning to have them later. Like, I'm like, oh, go to the store, buy one for later, buy one for later. Oh, I should have one for later. And then I have nine in my bedroom i'm like i feel like i feel like it's coke uh diet coke is the addiction that no one is talking about like it is it is an epidemic like i know so many people addicted to diet coke here i know people who drink a lot of diet coke it can make your breath really stinky. Well, I mean, stinky breath. That sucks so hard to hear. Oh, no. Jesus Christ.

Okay. That's the least of my worries. That actually might help me because I think the only thing that could stop an addiction is like, what if it makes me ugly? So I told my mom when I moved to New york when i was 18 she's like be careful like don't do drugs i'm like mom you don't have to worry about me doing any drug or getting addicted that makes me ugly so i'll do coke like i'll do coke pretty girls do coke um but i won't be an alcoholic it's not great on the waist.

You might have just cured my addiction just then. What, with the breath thing? I'll never drink it again. Well, I'm a freak about my breath. I actually have a little vial of peppermint oil I keep by my bed. If I ever have sort of a guest. You know what I mean? A gentleman caller.

A gentleman caller, a secret liaison, you might say. I keep this little thing next to my bed. And so in the morning, I'm like, and then it's like literally a nuclear bomb of mint. That's so powerful that if I kiss them, it makes their breath smell good. Nice. Okay. Okay. Right.

Interesting. So everyone try that. breath smell good. Nice. Okay. Okay. Right. Interesting. So everyone try that. That's good. I thought you were joking, but I may have actually put you off Diet Coke is what's happening. No, I'll drink it. No, yeah. I have no willpower. We had this conversation.

I'll think about it one more time and then I'll chug more Diet Coke. I feel like the thing with Diet Coke on the island for you is the biggest worry is that there's loads of it, and you drink it every day, you're happy as anything, and then it runs out. That is the biggest worry. Oh, yeah. Then I'm killing Henry Cavill. You know what I mean? Then I'm like, because I'm so stressed, I'm like, I don't know.

I don't know how to build a computer. Beat him to death. Right. Okay. Look, so far, like like i said excellent choices you're building your own island hell and you're fulfilling the brief perfectly oh yeah now fortunately you won't be without entertainment on the island the planes entertainment system continues to work but just your luck it only has two working settings one is your least favorite film of all time and the other is your least favorite song what are they and why okay my least favorite film

of all time is actually wolf of wall street not because it's a bad film i don't like it because what it did to men all right i feel like that movie was a warning oh i hate that thing that like straight guys like saw that and they were like like that's your religion you know like in our godless world like we need something girls have astrology guys have that moment from wolf of wall street okay like do you know they improv that yeah it's clear um i think that movie was a warning um and then but every guy in america saw that movie and they were like oh i'm gonna do that i want that life you know so i just every time i watch that i'm just like oh so that's the only thing

and there's no hot guys in it there's just like naked girls so it's like what am i watching you're right it's not a bad film but it did spawn a genre of toxic masculinity that i think didn't exist it spawned like a splinter off that was just like men who all of a sudden thought that they were that guy american psycho did do the same thing you know what i mean okay and then this is like the next evolution for a new generation you know what i mean like american psycho created that nightmare 90s situation you know what i mean that we all were there right it was awful um that kind of wrecked the western world um you might you many people might say and then wolf

of wall street took that to the because then it's like oh but get fucked up actually and now everybody's fucking getting fucked up and like and it's like if you fuck up really bad they'll send you to a prison that's nice like a resort like that's basically the thesis of that movie um and so i just remember watching it being like oh not even knowing the disastrous consequences that would come later so i would be i would be remiss if that was the only um film on my island and also off the back of that the guy i can't remember his name the lead guy leonardo dicaprio no extremely famous actor leonardo dicaprio no who it's about the guy who it's about oh yeah yeah oh yeah oh guy yeah like he he did incredibly well he's just because he would have got so much money from that film so much money

from the sale of the books he got like he tripled quadrupled the price that he was charging to go and speak at things like that guy and yeah they're just like the fame now now everyone every guy worships him like that was sick dude oh that was fucking awesome that bit you know with the vaginas in the car all right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah to go through that like for me personally i wouldn't mind watching that every day. Well, it was made for you. If you watched it on the island, you'd probably start an LLC. You know what I mean? You'd be like, how do we make cash?

How do we monetize this? How do we monetize? I'm there just looking for any prescription drugs on the plane just looking yeah like rubbing coconuts to get quaaludes or fucking whatever like yeah carville's like is that how you say his name henry carville he's like he's like he's on board straight away oh yeah he'd be like i love that movie um i love it fuck dude i thought our favorite movie is here i'm like no yeah more red flags to add to the list yeah look a solid choice anything else about wolf of wall street before we put it on the island i hate it just

that much tick but i would like it was a fun watch yeah let's get it up there fun sort of a nuanced opinion there it's like you know i with those films i'm such a simple person i think in many ways because i watch those films i'm like oh my god did that actually happen but actually you know, I, with those films, I'm such a simple person. I think in many ways, cause I watched those films and I'm like, Oh my God, did that actually happen? But actually, you know, it's just,

it's amplified for Hollywood. I mean, it's like, it's not all that stuff happened. His wife was not Margot Robbie. All right. Let's be clear. Yeah.

Okay. His wife was on a 23 year old Margot Robbie. So all guys can chill. Um, that's not going to happen. Um, yeah. Um, okay's not going to happen. Um, um, okay. And what's going to be a song choice. All right. Do you know this song? It was, it was really big in America. It's like a G six. Oh, I know. Well, yeah, yeah. It has like a G six,

like a G six. It has this like, like beat that it starts with it's like that like okay when me when i was in high school me and my friends used to get so goddamn fucked up to that song like like a marathon it was 2012 and that era it's like they ever thought the world was gonna end so we were fucking drinking like like like like fish like we were like we were chugging and then the world didn't end and then it so that was awkward but um and then you just haggard and tired still drinking like that was a fun like time in history because everybody's like fuck it the mayans say it's ending um but um that song me and my friends used to get extremely fucked up but then my my friend a total asshole he used to wake us up the next morning with that song okay that's annoying so it's like

i'm was like sleeping in a lot of pain and then it's like like so as an adult, when I hear that song, my blood turns to ice. Yeah. I feel like the opening lyrics is something mad, like popping bottles in the curb, getting so hard or something. It's like, what's that even mean? On scissor or whatever. I don't know if you guys had scissor up over here. We didn't, but I know what it is. It's like cough syrup.

Yeah. Mixed with like kind of painkillers and Sprite. Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was funny. This was a kind of painkillers and sprite yeah yeah it was it was funny i this was a kind of a phenomenon in high school is like everyone was like scissor was like a thing and then there was like this this bit every you guys had like assemblies in school where like they would basically do a psa where they're like don't drink and drive yeah i remember we all got called to the auditorium and we sat there and then they were like, SysRip is this new drug kids are doing to feel really good. This is how you make it.

Cough syrup, Sprite, and a painkiller, and some Jolly Ranchers. And me and all my friends were like, what is that? That sounds awesome. Why did they break down the ingredients for you? They taught us how to make it and then I did it. Yeah, and then I did it. It was like so fucked up so um and yeah it coughs her up whoo they should ban that shit i remember being a kid being like i like that you know what i mean like before i even knew just spam

but so yeah when i hear that song it like it like if say there was like speakers on the island that just played it at random like i would be like like i'd be like like like carrying like you got ptsd so i hate that song it like uh it just triggers me back to waking up angry such a weird song as well what does that even mean like a g6 that's a plane no one's ever known what that meant no one knows to this day what they're singing about okay yeah what confusing song okay i think that's a great choice especially if it's just going to pop on at random also how toxic between that and wolf of wall street is your only entertainment yeah like it's like like it's that era of time was like a really like it was uh the economy was going really good at the expense

of everyone else um kind of the american dream if you ask me um and anderson cooper absolutely loving it he's living his best life it was like that part that era in time was so fucked up because it was just like party rockers in the house you know what i mean like that was the vibe for all of culture fashion was just disgusting you know what i mean because it was like who gives a fuck we're rich you know what i mean like oh neon everything right okay a great song choice. Thank you very much. Thank you. Finally, the island is overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals. Which animal is it and why?

Okay. I think these animals are gross. This is actually not a cool guy thing to say. I'm really coming off across as bad on this. I fucking hate lizards. I hate like iguanas. I hate them. I think that above all, they're boring.

Yeah. And they're gross. Like say there was a bunch of wild wolves, okay? I could do something, okay? After a certain amount of time, I could communicate with them. Okay, they're mammals okay i would have dogs you know by the end of the day you know but lizards they smell disgusting they're always like peeing at random my roommate used to have one and he was like do you want to

hold it i'd like get that goddamn fucking like it's i would rather you have a rat okay like i would rather because that's a mammal i could talk to i could do something with okay i just find that lizards are are um gross and boring and um if they and like it wouldn't even be exciting when i looked up and i was like oh my god this island's full of oh iguanas no personality whatsoever as an animal and uh yeah like they're not soft or cute or anything they're just gross you can't even eat them either. Well, I was going to say, if you were to like get them and cook them, there's going to be such little wiry, tough meat. It's like not really very edible.

I don't know. I've eaten an alligator before. Not a whole one, but I've eaten alligator gator. It's like it's a delicacy in Florida because it was crazy. Reptile is like a mix of chicken and fish which is not a good vibe you know what i mean like it's like a fishy chicken and you're like it's not good you gotta try gator sometime no yeah i would be up for it yeah like next time in florida i'll give it a go it's only legal there baby no yeah get myself down jungle gyms or whatever like if there was it say they were bigger lizards like a komodo dragon or an

alligator that is like fun in a way where it's like oh now i have an obstacle yeah okay now i have to work against this and that like keeps me entertained not entertained but um alert but if i'm just like oh there's a bunch of lizards just being like i just i'd fucking that would suck i'd fucking hate that shit that would suck that yeah yeah yeah i'm with you um awful there would be like hundreds of them they're literally everywhere on the island like overrun with it with like iguana island i'd be like uh and it would smell like piss the whole place oh yeah some of them were massive as well what if there was like komodo dragon size well the komodo dragons those things are fucked up

those things are they like have that that venom spit that like i think i could kill one i mean i think like every guy in the world like when you see an animal you're like could i kill that if i had to okay like like when you see a really big dog on the street not i love dogs but like in your head i think your guy brain is like worst case scenario okay i could kick that to death how would i approach defeating that dog um komodo dragon no chance i think i could do it with a little prep do you reckon i think i could i think humans are crazy that way give us 10 minutes and a stick i'll kill it okay do you know what right i don't know if you pay any attention to this but it's i'm a celebrity get me out of here it's on tv right now do you know about that no it's I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here. It's on TV right now. Do you know about that? No. So it's like celebrities from the UK are in Australia right now and they stick them in

the jungle and they have to eat all kinds of weird things and like they get covered in bugs and like all kinds of stuff like that. I feel like you would be really good on that. I would. You'd be great. Because like if the world is watching, I'll eat a slug. Okay. Like I'll do it.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I always think that is it like a competition show where they have to like... They get voted off one at a time. Oh, then I'd win.

Or at least I would get to the final three. But then everyone would realize that I'm toxic at the final ceremony and I'd lose. I love that you know that there's a final three. There always is. There's always a final three. Yeah, yeah, right? There's always a final three. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Zach, this has been brilliant.

Thank you so much. James, I had a blast. Yeah. Oh, no, it was great. I'm sorry if I painted myself as a psycho. I mean, I think you set it up at the start. You were like, it's really easy just to pick loads of stuff that I hate. I feel like you fulfilled the brief very well.

So well done. And so we said briefly at the start. so you do a podcast with gabby um podcast podcast tell tell the listeners about it okay so the podcast is okay imagine that you're you know you're a total loser you know what i mean and you have no friends and you're in school okay right and then imagine you see the two most popular girls girls in school and you're obsessed with them okay they're really cool they're really awesome and then one day they invite you to their house okay and you're like okay they're gonna bully me okay they're gonna bully me they're gonna treat me like shit you show up and they actually want you to be their third okay

they're obsessed with you okay that's the podcast okay oh you've really sold it you've really sold it you show up to their finished basement okay at their house okay first off their stepmom lets you in stepmom because okay lets you in walks you down to their basement fully furnished okay big screen tv okay we're watching disney channel okay and we're like bitch we love you we love you we love your vibe we want you to be our third popular girl okay and when i say girl i mean guy yeah okay i i mean that like you know how like some people get mad when you address a group as guys i think you can address a group as guys because I only address individuals as girl. Girl?

It's good. It's good. Look, I think you've painted the perfect picture. And so I urge everyone to go and subscribe, start watching because I know you video some. Yeah, we're on YouTube. We're on pretty much, we're on every platform. You can't get away from us, actually. Yeah, that's great. Oh, Zach, thank you so much for coming on. You can't get away from us, actually. Yeah, yeah, that's great.

Oh, Zach, thank you so much for coming on. James, thank you. It was a blast. Oh, yeah. Okay, bye, everybody. Thank you so much. Cheers, mate. Thank you.

Cheers.