Desert Skies - Desert Skies Presents: THIRST

Episode Date: July 31, 2025

While you wait for Season 3 to arrive, check out THIRST. Here's what to expect: In a future America somehow even worse than the present, four couples must survive a dangerous reality TV competition designed by a sadistic host and a cheerfully violent Algorithm. Outside, sea levels rise and temperatures climb; inside, tensions quickly reach their boiling point. Ridiculous and horrifying, Thirst asks how much the residents of this crumbling empire are willing to trade away for a chance at wealth and safety. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hi, this is Jared. Before the episode begins, I wanted to invite you to join the pilot launch of our trusty traveler referral program. The way the program works is that by sharing the podcast with new listeners, You'll help us grow desert skies and receive rewards along the way, including a special short-form series of happenings around the station, audio tours through different celestial spheres, and even a private invitation to the meeting of the sphere movers. You can join the trusty traveler program and learn more about it by going to trusty traveler program.com slash join. Again, that's trusty traveler program.com forward slash join. We're limited to the number of sign-ups for the trusty traveler pilot program as we work to perfect it. So if you're interested in joining, head over now.

Thanks for listening and thank you for sharing Desert Skies with others. It means the world to me. Now, enjoy the episode. Hi, friends, I know, I know you're still waiting for the start of season three of Desert Skies, and I hear you. I'm excited for it too. You'll get an announcement from me about it soon. But while you wait, I'm excited. to share a show I think you're gonna like.

It's called Thirst. I've told you before, I'm a big fan of horror, and the more ridiculous, the better. In a future America, somehow even worse than the present, four couples must survive a dangerous reality TV competition designed by a sadistic host and a cheerfully violent algorithm. Outside, sea levels rise and temperatures climb.

Inside, tensions quickly reach their boiling point. ridiculous and horrifying, Thirst asks how much the residents of this crumbling empire are willing to trade away for a chance at wealth and safety. Thirst is from the award-winning creators of the beloved Penumbra podcast, and you can find Thirst on the Penumbra podcast feed on Spotify or any podcast app. Without further ado, here's the first episode of Thirst. Hello, this is Harley Takagi Kainer, one of the creators of the Penumbra podcast. If you're just checking out the feed for the first time, welcome. If you've been a listener of the Juno Steel or Second Citadel series, welcome back.

We are so excited to share our new story, Thirst, with all of you. If you are familiar with our previous work, I do want to let you know that Thirst is much more explicit and a lot darker than our other series. so I would not recommend it for children. If you have concerns about potential triggers, those will always be listed at the end of the transcript and in the show notes. And here in the series premiere, we have also included a more comprehensive list so that you can decide whether or not the show as a whole is right for you.

I do hope you decide to stick around, though. And now, thirst. Can't tear my eyes from you. Chapter 1, Icebreaker. professionally. But if you want a shot at our $10,000 prize, plus that half acre of landlocked property, well, I hope you've both got something big up your sleeves. You know the game by now. Your loved ones are in the audience, your family, best friends. Hell, Marcus, even your boss at the cannery took the day off to come and hear what you've been hiding

from him. Hi, Dave. This better be good, Williams. Our producers scoured America and interviewed thousands of applicants to find the deepest, darkest secrets we could. Our private team of investigators is on standby to confirm anything our contestants' claim.

So, Claudia, Marcus, if you want that $10,000, you're going to have to confess your crimes. That's right! And we've learned a lot, haven't we? Marcus, we learned you've been jealous of your little brother ever since he went missing 20 years ago. So jealous, you faked your report cards and diploma and hell, even your job, just to get mommy proud of you again. And Claudia, who-wee!

Where do we even start? Cheated your way through high school, plagiarized your valedictorian speech, beat a girl in your sorority within an inch of her life, and blamed it on her birthday. blamed it on her boyfriend. I just hope you haven't let your best secrets loose too early. Me too, Alex. Me too. But now, it's our final round, so each of you gets to pull just one last skeleton out of your closet.

Most terrible secret verified by our investigators wins. Audience decides who tells first. So audience, are we ready? Yeah! Then get voting. Wow, that's really extreme, isn't it? Is this too much? They're not all like this, I promise.

I just picked this one because it's the last thing our producers worked on, so I thought we could, you know, study the lay of the land a little. Our producers, huh. I'm not sure it quite hit me until you said that. If this is too much, we can stop watching. I promised you. I know. I know.

Oh, okay, okay, I'm ready. You're sure. You're right. We should study if we're going to... That's my fault for not watching your kind of show earlier. You can start it up again. Okay. Let's try to enjoy it, huh?

These secrets are going to be juicy. Juicy. That's good. The votes are in, and Claudia looks like you're up first. So, ready to confess your crimes? Uh, okay. Bill, I... Bill?

As in your supportive husband, Bill? He's in the crowd today! Why don't you stand up, Bill? Let everybody get a good look at you. Yeah? Claudia? Bill, I... You know, I love you. More than anything, I love you, and I regret it so much, but... Just say it, please. When you were in the hospital, when you had that heart attack and the doctor said they didn't think you were going to make it,

I told you I had no reception and I missed your mother's calls, that traffic was so bad I couldn't make it there? Claudia, no. It's not true. I was with Chris. For those playing at home, that's Chris Lyman, Claudia's ex. You told me you weren't talking to him. anymore after last time. I saw your calls, but we'd had a few drinks and he booked a hotel room and we, we were... We were...

You, you, you sick bitch! And Bill has left the building! Burning bridges with the father of your child, Claudia. That's a hell of a showing. How do you feel? I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm like this I'm so sorry Great

Our investigators are on the line With Mr. Lyman now And we'll get him to corroborate your story shortly That's gonna be hard to beat But first Marcus I think you know what time it is I do

Yeah anybody you want to point your confession To my Mom Mama's boy Marcus strikes again Lydia, are you out there? Stand on up, Lydia. Help her out, folks. Her knees aren't what they used to be.

Markey, please. You don't have to do this. We lost the house, Mom. What am I supposed to do? We can just leave. Everything you've said so far, I forgive you. Really, we can walk out of here and pretend this never happened. So sorry, Mrs. Williams, but we've got a contract with your boy's name on it that says otherwise.

Clock's ticking, Marcus. What do you want to tell, dear old Ma? And all the millions of Americans watching at home? Mom, I... I know where Martin is. Juicy! Go on, Marcus. Don't leave us hanging. Dead or alive.

He's dead. He has been for 20 years. I was there when he died. I'm the recent. He's dead. A murder confession! You can't make this stuff up, people. That's the magic of live television.

I didn't need to do it. It was the lake mom, the frozen lake by grandpa's house, and he had been telling us all these stories about how he used to go ice skating there. And he told us not to, but it was such a cold winter. We'd never seen a brook before. Martin didn't want to go. He thought it was dangerous, so I called him a chick. and we got to fight, and I pushed him hard, harder than I meant to it.

Must be a lousy reception. Come on. Come on. Get up, and I told me had to get up, but then the ice cracked, and just before I can reach him, he just... You just... Our team of investigators is trawling Firefly Pond as we speak. We'll be back with the bloated corpse of Martin Williams after these messages from... family oats. Family oats. A wholesome meal for the wholesome American family.

Damn. No service out here in the sticks, I guess. We'll just have to look up who won later. So, did you like confess your crimes? I just don't know if I'm going to be able to do anything like that, Dennis. What, beat me up and drown me in a frozen lake? That's disappointing. I wouldn't have married you if I knew that's where you drew the line. Are you doing okay? Me? Yes. Yes, I'm fine. Of course I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine? I'm really grateful that you agreed to do this, you know? I know it's not nothing to you, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't so excited you're here. I really miss you when I'm away filming a show. I miss you too, Dee. And I'm glad we're together. I'm scared, but I trust you. After all, I hear my teammate in this game is a real big deal. Oh, am I a real big deal?

The size of the deal? Big. The realness? Oh, you better believe it's real. Damn it every time. What can I say? Dennis Cruz does not lose. I'm like one of those heroes in that book you gave me.

The one with the naked lady riding the fisherman's platter on the cover. No, no, I'm not going to take the bait. You know who that is. Oh, you got me. Who could ever forget the great myths about the woman born from the waves? Doggy, Catherine. You'd better be careful, Dee. Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty,

has done terrible things to men for saying much less than that. Goddess of beauty, huh? That's weird. She doesn't look anything like you. Disgusting. I do my best. But yeah, I'm like a mythological hero when you think about it. One of the good ones. Percy has never lost a fight, did he?

I think you're more of an Ajax. Ajax Ajax Think Trojan No hints Ajax the great Second best in the Greek army During the Trojan War

So you do listen when I talk about work But there's one big difference between me and him I'm second best on purpose Because the thing is The thing is getting second place In a competition show is actually the smart move It is though Because everybody loves an underdog

Don't forget about the prize money And then you get the run-wrap prize without the press banging down your door all the time. Pretty smart, right? Wow, that is such a wise and intelligent and handsome thing, you just said. Did you come up with that, or... I learned from the second best.

Not for long, I'm not, because you and me are cashing out, babe, and taking this competition show is how we do it. You don't need to be nervous. It's the end of the world, Inuk. What? I said, it's not the end of the world if we don't win this. I can always go on another show.

So we'll get in there. I'll try to figure out our win. And if not, who cares? We got a free trip out into the country. Did you really just call Westen Moss the country, city boy? It's got trees, doesn't it? That's country enough for me. And anyway, country girl, it's beautiful out here.

Air's great, no flood risk. Think of this as a paid vacation. Just one where we could win $100 million in a house somewhere far away from the sea. That would be nice. You sure it's $100 million? You prefer your contracts written or referable? Because I got both flavors. The executive producer, Ms. Laplace, she called me personally to give me the offer.

She did? You didn't tell me that. I didn't want you to feel pressured to say yes. If you didn't want to, I would have just... Anyway, Miss Laplace called me the day before we filmed our audition tape and asked me, Mr. Cruz, you're married, right? And I tell her I am, but for the right price, that can be told with. And she says, how's a chance at $100 million sound to you?

And I tell her, it sounds great, of course, but you should have hurt her, babe. People love rooting for you, and it's time you are paid your due. She even said she liked my videos, Anook. She mentioned Recap Roundup by name. See, the pros want us here, babe. They're not going to make you do anything you don't want to do. I promise. And this Miss Laplace also produced that Confess Your Crimes show?

I really freaked you out watching that, didn't I? I knew I should have picked 24-hour dodgeball for us to study. No, no. It was great, obviously. I just... All that for a $10,000 prize? That's nothing. barely three days in the hospital

and that man threw away his life confessing to murder for it? Well, probably talk him down to manslaughter and the tears and the shouting and all that that's just theater. Unwritten rule of these shows is if the audience gets bored watching you, the producers find a reason to give you the acts. So the winners, they just play a good character, right?

But that doesn't mean that's who they really are. They're nice, usually. I just feel like I should have done more to prepare. Watch more of these shows, I'll study them like you do. I'm going to be so angry with myself if I let you down. It's not your fault. Competition shows stress you out.

They aren't for everybody. Just almost everybody. Listen, I'll say this as many times as you need. I'm glad you're here. I mean, when we win this thing, this is going to be my last competition show ever. The Dennis Cruz Swan Song. I'll still upload all my videos and stuff,

but this is emotional for me. I'm glad you're here to help and you couldn't possibly let me down. Honest. Thanks, Steve. It's just... Yeah? I'm sorry.

Doing these shows has just been so much of your life for so long, even more than your videos, and it's just hard for me to believe it's almost over. But you promise you're done after this. Really? I promise. And I...

You always keep your promises. I know. I mean it. Get pumped, babe, because this is the finish line. One more win, and we'll have a number. up for lighting. We already have enough, Dee. I just have to go full-time and... No, no, no, uh-uh. When we first met, I promised you I'd support you until your paintings took off and we're too close to give up now. A hundred million, Anuka, a place somewhere safe. Somewhere we won't have to move from in 10 years. I have to take that deal. It'd be

irresponsible not to. Sure, it's going to be hard. And sure, these shows are scary, but they can't make you do anything. So what's the worst that could happen? You like that scariness, don't you? I do. But if I need a thrill in the future, I'll take up skydiving. With $100 million, I can buy my own plane. Maybe you should buy a parachute first. I knew I was forgetting something.

I ever tell you how lucky I am to have you? Oh, you're shaking. Don't be nervous. I'm here. I know. I'm glad. You'll feel better when this van gets us on set. A little fresh air, a little crafty in your belly, and this will all seem much more doable. Hey, a driver? Sorry, I didn't get your name.

How much longer till we get, wherever we're going? I guess he's not very talkative. Did we just stop? Seems like, yeah. Hope I didn't offend the guy. Everything all right up there, sir? I don't have cell service, do you? It doesn't look like.

I'm just going to check to see what's up. up. D. It'll be fine. He probably just needs help change an attire or something. Hey, anything I can... Huh. Dee, why did we stop? We're here, I guess. Really? Welcome to San Narcisse University. Contestants please follow the signs to the student building. I guess we're supposed to walk from here.

Did the driver say anything? Ask him yourself. Um, excuse me, is this? Oh. Nobody here but us, mice. Did the driver already go somewhere? I didn't see anyone walk away. I'm guessing it's an automated van.

Easier to keep things under wraps that way. Nobody can leak our location if nobody knows we're here. Wait, nobody knows where we're here. Wait, nobody knows where we're. And the nearest city is how far away? I mean the producers, no, and I'm sure they got emergency services on speed dial. Let's give them a chance. I'm sure they got something worked out.

Let's just grab our stuff and... Shit. Wait, hold on, we don't have our bags yet. What the hell? I mean, at least it's going the same direction we are. Then why couldn't it give us a ride? Glitching the programming, maybe. When we get to the student building, we'll figure it out.

We should get moving. You are sure about this? I am, but also it's not like we have a choice. Teaser trailer airs tonight, and we haven't filmed a minute of it yet. My brothers will be watching. What about your aunt? Of course. They can really edit the footage into a trailer that quickly?

It's already full. That is pretty quick. But Studio Laplace are some of the best in the business, I guess. We should hurry in case we're late, though. Come on, it'll be all right. We've got each other, don't we? Well, I can't say I've ever screwed up this particular way before. Don't say that. You're making me nervous.

I mean, getting lost down a straight path. That is next level. It's just, it's not even possible. How could we be lost? I don't know what else could have happened though If the van was automated and it picked us up on time It should have dropped us off on time too right And we've been walking this path pretty quickly But I haven't seen the building yet I don't know how we're going to have time to film this thing

Neither of us can tell your aunt about this I worked hard to get the micro shred of respect She's given me and I'm not losing it that easy I wouldn't tell her Honestly, she'd probably kill me for staying out in the woods So long without bug spray I wouldn't give your aunt's horror stories that much credit you should have heard some of the stuff she was trying to get me to believe last time we went over for dinner

man-eating deer and giant tics and whatever else i just kept wanting to be like you know this is massachusetts right turkeys thanksgiving you put a fish on the ground to make the corn grow all that kind of thing the way she talks you'd think this is like Chernobyl or the backside of the moon or i don't know florida yeah yeah she's a lot but she is right about something People really do keep disappearing in the woods. Yeah, people always have, though. And the wildlife, the mosquitoes? I was watching a report yesterday that said the way they move, the way they swarm.

It's almost like they can all... Watching stuff like that, I don't see the point. If nobody's even figured out why it's happening or what to do about it, I mean, why bother? I just... Well, maybe I shouldn't. Sometimes I think it might be useful to see the bad things coming before they get here, you know? Take it from your TV guy, babe. You can't trust everything you hear on TV.

Watching the news. That was your first mistake. If I believed every bad thing they say on the news, hell, I don't know how you could do that without going completely mental. Mental, right. It definitely feels that way. We've been walking way too long to be on the right path. Let me check my phone again, see if I can get a GPS signal now.

Huh. Dee? Is something wrong? I can't find my phone. I must have dropped it at some point. Dennis, your phone always falls out of those pockets. They're too small. I thought you were going to donate those pants.

I was, but then I checked again, and I got to look good for the premiere, you know what I mean? And have you seen my button these? Yes, and it's juicy as healthy, but priorities, please. Well, at least it's a straight part. Let's go back. Nope. No time. I can run faster than you. I'll go back from my phone and you keep walking.

I'll catch up with you in a minute. I really don't want to be in these woods alone. Why not? You and your aunt used to do that kind of thing all the time, right? That's different. How? Come on, you're tough, babe. Just feels different right now. I don't want to be tough out here, alone. Well, you're always tough, so you'll be okay.

I promise. We're running behind schedule and breaking one of these contracts. Trust me, that's something real to be scared of. So keep walking, stay posy, and I'll catch up with you in a minute, okay? Dee, we were just talking about the words being dangerous. What are you going to do if you come back to the disemboweled corpse of your wife? I love you no matter where your bowels are, babe. Be right back. Love you. Grab my phone, find my babe, record the teaser.

Grab my phone, find my babe, record the teaser. Love you, too. Come on, Anuk. You can't be afraid of our ghost stories forever. Because she's crazy, right? She always says she's crazy. There's no good reason to believe the world's ending. Besides, you know, the heat and no safe drinking water,

and biblical flooding so bad we don't even know where all this saltwater's coming from. And the climate of Siberia and the Sahara just switching places. And the animal's going completely crazy, just like our goat's crazy, and I'm crazy and everyone's crazy, and his and life more fun. inside the madhouse anyway. Dee? Is that you? I must have just stepped on a twig or something.

Dennis? Are you there? Whoever's there, you better not... No, no, it can't. Dennis, I need you to... Dennis, come back. Please. Dennis!

This wasn't supposed to... said if I never said it again, then this wouldn't... Oh! What? What the... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on? Are you hurt? Who, how? I didn't hear you.

You didn't hear me because you were making enough noise for both of us. Take a breath and talk to me. Are you in danger? Are any bears or, I don't know, rural sex pests about to come running through those bushes? What? No, I thought I hurt, and the body, that dead body, its face. It's a deer, and it's too dead to hurt you now. And that means you only have one job right now, and that's to get your shit together, okay? We're going to do it together. Can you handle that? I, yes, I can. Good. Sit up straight so you can have space to receive air. Okay.

Nice. Now, relax. Get comfortable, soft gays. Okay. Right. Okay. Now try to place your spirit somewhere down low, low above the buttocks and between the ovaries. Okay. Wait, what? Now it's not for talking. Now is for breathing. Ready? Inhale for one, two, three, four. Hold it in. Two, three, four. Exhale, two, three, four. Wow That was really...

And inhale, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four, exhale, two, four. Inhale, two, three, four. Inhale, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Exhale, two, three, four. So, are we done yet? The work is never done.

But, like, it literally is at some point, right? There. Ready to face the world again? Yeah. Sorry, I just heard... I thought I had something that I... Sorry, yes. Thank you. No problem. It's my job.

Finding lost women in the woods and helping them through panic attacks? Yeah. So, like, do they have schools for that, or... I would describe most of my clients as women lost in the woods. I'm a spiritual healer, conduit for the unspoken wisdom of the universe, yoga instructor. Oh. You meant, like, metaphorically.

That makes so much more sense. I thought you were a park ranger or something. I don't really care for that word. Oh, uh, uh, are we all angry at park rangers now for some reason? I meant metaphorically. I just don't see the point in having a word for things that aren't true. If it isn't true, why would we spend time talking about it? So if we talk about it, it must be true.

Right, that's... Huh, that's fun. You're much nicer to talk to than my husband. I guess that's another reason to be glad I lost him in the woods here. Your husband, then, are you here for the competition show, too? I am, and I guess that makes you with a competition. I hope I don't end up regretting saving you from that pile of rotting meat that used to be a deer. I'm Rain, Randolph, and you?

Anuk Kalhara. Exotic? Do you think that's going to give you an edge on the show? I don't know. I don't really watch shows like this. Diving in the deep end first? That's brave. So what's a brave girl like you, doing screaming about dead deer in the middle of the woods?

The woods is like where dead deer live. Didn't you notice its face? Ugh, no. The flies told me most of what I need to know. Thanks. Its face looks like it's been torn off. But the rest of its body... It looks like it's been out here for a few weeks,

but there are no signs of scavengers picking at the rest of its body, only the face. It's just ripped away completely. Huh. Must just be a gross deer. What? It's just that scavengers don't behave that way. Food is food, and there's a lot of meat on a deer this size. Yeah, the dead deer is super weird and interesting, but you're from around.

here? With that accent? Not originally, but most of my life, yeah. Oh, Massachusetts. What a concept. What was that? I think I heard her over this way. Come on. I'm moving as fast as I can, all right?

These aren't exactly hiking shoes. Sounds to me like the kind of animal we really should be scared of. Dennis? Dennis. How do you know Dennis? What? Babe, there you are. Dennis! Oh, that, Dennis.

I got you men... Jesus, Cruz. I asked you to wait up. That, Dennis. Happy to see you, too, honey. Let me clear things up before they get too confusing. Anuk, this is my new pal, Dennis Lang. And you must be Rayne. Nice to meet you. Oh, I know who you are.

I've watched TV before. So your guy is the Dennis Cruz, huh? Yes. I hear he's on a lot of shows like this one. A lot? he's on every one of these stupid shows. Jackpot triathlon, the big sexy house, John McGraw's Last Stand Saloon

presented by John McGraw. Quiz me, Daddy, sell me your trash, gambler's pair of dice. Road trip ward zone, alone in the mall with a very big bear. This is the winter when we discontent, the Great American Tax Rydol. If you're here who's driving,

business boy season five. And the third all-star season. Right, the princess of profit. Have to ask, were you all really at each other's throats like that all the time? That? No, that was just an act. Except Caleb, everybody really did hate that guy.

Really? Then the punch. Real? Wait, uh, punches in the bowl or like the fist? Either. Both. I knew it. God, that was such good TV. I found All-Stars two more compelling, and personally.

Uh, Dennis? Yeah. What? Oh, that's not going to get annoying. She said my name. What was I supposed? It rains right, though. This is going to get confusing.

Hey, here's an idea. Why don't we call you, Dennis L? And what are we calling you? Oh, just Dennis is fine. Ha, very funny. I'm just absolutely busting about it. Don't say busting. Oh, I'm busting all over the place.

Hither and yawn, sea to shining sea. I'm just kidding you anyway, Dennis L. So glad we bumped into each other because, hey, babe, you're not going to believe this. But Lange here knows the way to San Narcisse. I was worried we'd be late, but apparently they haven't even set up for filming yet. There's no way that's true.

I knew you'd say that, so I grabbed one of these on the way out. An invitation to dinner? One of the producers give this to you? I didn't see a producer while I was there, just the other contestants. None of them had seen a producer either. They said they'd each found one of these in their rooms. Let's get going, then. I'm starving. Oof!

I think we have any more Dennises in store for us, fellow Dennis? Guess we'll just have to hope we get lucky. Hey, who's up for an icebreaker while we walk? Fascinating. You must be the last person alive who actually likes icebreakers. The world couldn't handle two of us. Here's one that always gets people talking. If you were to be executed by firing squad, would you be a blindfold on or blindfold off kind of guy? Oh, my God.

What? I think it's kind of fun to think about. A blindfold on, obviously. That's the only rational answer. If I'm going to be dead anyway, why would I add all that suspense on top of... What up, party, people? Who's ready for dinner? Huh. Well, this wasn't exactly the vibe I was expecting to walk into. Hmm. Look, Dennis is back with friends. You had us worried. We thought all that screaming in the woods might have been you. Ha, ha. Guess a little gratitude is too much to expect.

You heard that from here? Oh, and look, now you made a nook feel bad. It's our nook, actually. Jesus Christ. Can't anybody lay off me for like two seconds? I'm glad nobody's hurt. We were just discussing whether we should send someone to check and see what the screaming was all about. Bad idea. Splitting the group in the middle of unknown territory is asking for trouble.

And my husband would know he's a survival specialist. I'm sorry. That wasn't kind of me. It's been a very long day. Georgia Whitaker. And this is my husband, Capote Whitaker. Pleasure. Capote?

And I'm Holliday Murdoch, a psychology research. researcher at Arkansas College, and the national hero sitting next to me is my husband, Murdoch. Hmm. His name is Murdoch, Murdoch? Everyone just calls me Murdoch. But some people like to start with Sargent. Good to meet you, Sarge. You know, my dad was military, too.

What branch? Special forces. That must be a nice life. Taxes bite off enough of my money that I bet you eat better than I do. I'm retired. Thank you for your service. Well, it sounds like you already know my good pal, Dennis L. Boy, do we ever...

And this is my new friend, Rain. I can introduce my own wife, thanks. Rain, everybody. Everybody rain. Wow, I'm so glad you're here to roll out the red carpet, Dennis L. This is, of course, my beautiful wife, Anuk. Hello. And I'm... Dennis Cruz.

Reputation precedes me, I guess. Cruz here thinks that the producer should be starting things up. Any minute now. Who's going to tell him? Tell him what, exactly? We've all been saying that for how long now, Cap? Um, eight hours. Eight hours?

How much longer are they going to take? We'll tell you as soon as anybody tells us. Well, personally, I am just thrilled for this competition show to begin. I'm so very confident in the love my Murdoch and I have built together, and I will represent my country proudly. What's with her? She still think the show's already started? She won't talk about it directly.

I think she thinks it'll make it. her look bad. What? Don't be silly. That would be so paranoid. The best way to make yourself paranoid is to act paranoid. I don't think it's paranoid. Great energy holiday. Really fantastic. Just some quick advice from someone who's written this rodeo a few times before. Try to relax into it and have some fun, huh? The cameras are going to love that. Really? Really. Look people, I think holiday here has the right attitude. You said you work at Arkansas College, right, Holiday? Where is that exactly? Why?

Just kidding you. But since we're sitting in the college dining room right now, that means we're on your turf, so I think we should follow your lead. If the producers told us we're filming the teaser today, you can bet we're filming it. And given that the thing's supposed to air in, how long? Half an hour by my watch. Thank you, Sarge. I think it's likely we're already filming.

Really? I didn't see any cameras. You never do on these things, obviously. Not to burst your bubble, Dennis, but we've already tried most of the things you might expect for our hidden camera show. So really, we were starting to wonder if... Wonder if what? Well, if there's been some kind of production error.

Hopefully, just scheduling. Hopefully. What? You think they just drove us out into the woods and abandoned us here? Oh, my! It seems unlikely, but the evidence is mounting. There's food in the kitchen, but most of it looks like it's spoiled months ago. There's a greenhouse on campus, but we would have to do some serious bushwhacking to see if there's anything edible growing there.

It looks like nobody's tended to it in years. And, most interesting of all, in my opinion, is the obvious woodlouse infestation. Ew? Of course, woodlice typically gravitude toward damp wood, which... Um, never mind. I just think they're interesting. That's weird. Sure, but hell, we all have Marina Laplace's number, right? So why don't we just call her and see what's up?

Someone must have reception out here? That's the thing, Dennis. Not one of us does. Landlines don't work either. Chuck to myself. Then we're just stranded out here without food or anything? Some canned. Enough to last eight people one week, maybe two. Jesus. What about water? We'll be thirsty, but we'll live.

Modern life in a nutshell, isn't it grand? Well, there's nothing to stop us from just leaving on our own, is there? I mean, maybe in the woods, but this is a small state. It couldn't take more than a date. No! I mean, you don't want to do that. Excuse me? She's right, Holly.

Oh, well then. I guess we'll all figure something out together. I'm going to be honest. I'm not convinced there's anything to figure out here. Respectfully, Dennis, if this is all just part of a game, why would the producers have kept us in the dark without so much as a hello for eight hours? Well, maybe they were waiting for us. and look whether or not studio Laplace has left us out here to die

we're going to be stuck together for a while so we might as well get to know each other right no matter what's going on here that seems like our next move okay I'm taking a walk my ice is already broken thanks have fun Dennis L well it seems like we've lucked into two of the most charming Dennises in the country you'll have to let me interview you before we're done here I'm sure my viewers would love to hear from you again. Oh, do you have a channel online or something?

Yes, a small one, celebrity gossip. I've covered you before. That's so cool! You'll have to send me a link, Georgia. I can't believe I've never seen your stuff before. Oh, you have. Maybe the name Georgia Akubude sounds more familiar. Sorry, you must be thinking of someone else.

No. Well, what did you say about him in your videos? You're married to him. I think you can probably guess. She doesn't watch my shows. Explains a lot. So Capote must help with your channel then. Oh, no.

I'm, well, I'm a writer of a kind, but... A writer! That's so exciting. And what do you write? Uh, nothing anybody reads. Hey, uh, Georgia. Didn't you say you already checked the kitchen? Murdoch and I both did.

Why? Then, what's this exactly? Oh, my goodness. Is that a pot roast? It looks like it. Tastes like it, too. May I? May you what?

Um, maybe you could try a fork instead of your finger? Oh, my goodness. I think that's real beef. That, that can't be right. I'm sure of it. Where I grew up in Montana, there used to be cattle ranches, and ever since the water... Well, I obviously haven't had real beef since I was a little girl. Hey, we're really getting the star treatment.

This must be how the rich and famous eat. It isn't, though. I'm starving. Bring that bad boy over here, Dennis, and let's dig in. Yeah, I'm happy to provide. No reason to thank me. I just found this while I was looking around, and I decided to, you know, share the wealth.

It's just the kind of guy I am. Share the wealth, as opposed to what? Eating it all yourself? Is that the alternative? You want us to be proud of you for sharing our dinner instead of eating eight pounds of beef by yourself? Obviously not. Let me take that off your hands.

Sure, whatever. Like I was saying, there are vegetables, too. You didn't hunt the cow, Dennis L. Stop calling me that. You haven't provided shit. Dig in, people. Let's not let a delicacy go to waste. Yeah, help yourselves, guys. So you're a writer, Capote. That's awesome.

I bet you and a nook will have a lot to talk about. She's an artist, too. Tell him about it, babe. Oh, I wouldn't call it the same thing, really. She's being modest. Her paintings are just so, so good. That sounds wonderful. I don't know much about painting, Anouk. She says the paint she uses, this really rare paint that you can't even find online. It's wild. But I guess something happened and they can't make it anymore, so now it's even rarer, right? See, we really don't have to get into all that.

Why not? Maybe one of them knows where you can get some. I really don't think they will. I've interviewed a few painters. Maybe I have a connection. What's it called? Oh. Really? That'd be great. It's called Venga Black. Don't you mean Vantablack? Oh, God. See, thank you. That's what I said. But no, Anook says it's a totally different thing.

And what's crazy is the name's... We don't have to act like children just because the lights went out. Look, some kind of projectors playing on the wall. Can't tear my eyes from you. Nothing else that I can do Let me ask you a question, America. What's the craziest thing you would do for love? I went to war for her.

Oh, be serious. We didn't meet until after you enlisted. Well, I didn't know you yet, but I knew you were out there, and I thought, even if I never got to meet you, I do anything I could to make sure you never went thirsty, and I meant it. Oh, oh, Squish. It's a tough world out there, folks, and it feels like it's just getting tougher every day.

And times like this make you ask, how are we supposed to make it through? So, I was in high school, we don't have to say how long ago, and I was planning this stupid stunt for weeks. right I broke the lock on the door to the roof of the school and I had this big banner I made that said will you go to prom with me Kelly B. You didn't just wait because it's so much worse than you think because the fellas right they said I should lock the door behind me and knock him off the roof till Kelly B said yes so that's what I did they had to call the fire department to pull me off there then Kelly didn't say yes no but even worse it turns out she was out sick that day so all I got was an in-school suspension and a second-degree sunburn So what do we need to get by? Well, you've probably guessed it by now. It's your favorite four-letter word that doesn't rhyme with duck. It's love, baby, and we're just living it.

I don't think I believe in crazy, really. If an idea works, it works, and if it doesn't, it shouldn't matter how it sounds. I'll agree with that, sure. But do you remember that great master I studied under a few years ago? You're not going to convince me that there's a great master. master in Queens, reign. He had himself convinced enough for all of us, trust me. But he did tell me this beautiful story about a spiritual wanderer whose lover died when they

were both very young. So she trained. She trained for years on end to separate herself from her physical body to travel everywhere else. Everywhere that's real, that matters, but that you can't touch. Well... Let me finish. She finds him, eventually.

but when she returns to her body she sees that it's nothing but a pile of bones she'd been gone searching for a thousand years but the journey had meant so much to her that she hadn't noticed the time pass her by I think I think if I could ever find that kind of strength within myself that's the kind of thing I might do for love

even if people think it's crazy I don't think that's crazy That's beautiful That great master though Yikes Do you remember the hair Oh my God What the hell did he call it

That combination Mohawk and white guy cornrose thing Cornhawk Oh god Everyone's so negative these days You think the world was ending the way people talk But just because the problems are complicated Doesn't mean the solutions have to be Love can save you, folks.

I mean it, and we're going to show you how. You know, I used to have an apartment. It was a nice place. It did look a bit like a ghost lived there, yes, and the walls were totally bare. Well, I liked it, but then we got together, and I thought, I have to be with this woman. And when you're with Georgia, you're living life at her pace. I can count on one hand the number of nights I've slept in my own bed in the last year.

Besides that, it's just hotels all over the country. Capote, I followed you into a literal war zone. And you think the craziest thing you've done is sleep in hotel? We're on a hunt for love, ladies and gents, and we've got top of the line tech helping us track it down. Our series of highly scientific tests of love, hell, our entire program will be designed by the most knowledgeable computer mind in the country. And let me tell you, it's not going to let up until,

Will we prove we've found America's sweethearts? Love will save you. We'll show you how all you need to do is tune in and let the magic happen. My name's Jedediah Jordan, and this is Can't Tear My Eyes from you. Catch us Thursdays at 8 p.m. only on America's favorite channel. That was really sweet, don't you all think? I didn't record any of that. Yes, you did.

What are you talking about? You were with me in that video. You know we never filmed that. Not in that room, sure. That was from our audition tape. Ours, too. But how could it be from our audition tapes? I've never been in the room they showed in that clip.

It's a digital composite. They put our auditions onto new backgrounds, or they're supposed state-of-the-art AI did, at least. They've been able to do that for a long time, but it's more expensive and time-consuming than just finding a new room to record in. So it hasn't been in vogue for a while. This is obviously just showing off whatever tech they're running. I didn't know the show was being put together by an AI.

You didn't? Oh, that's the only reason to be on this stupid thing. It's going to be a disaster. The stuff they're promising with this AI, it can't even be half true. And you know this how? Glad you asked Whitaker. See, my specialty is encoding thinking systems into interactive digital spaces. He makes video games.

I make award-winning video games, strategy mostly, but it's the enemy AI that grabs people. You develop a relationship with it over the course of a game, right? It holds grudges, it gets jealous. Can't really feel all that? It's just a computer. It doesn't feel anything. My point is if this AI could do what they say it can, I'd know. And I don't, so it can't. Huh. And a lot of people pay money for that kind of thing?

It's better than watching the news. Do they usually make fake videos of the contestants on shows like this, Mr. Cruz? Basically, don't be dense. No, they don't. In that clip, they had me drinking beer. And how do I know I wasn't drinking beer when we were recording? Because beer is for idiots. Drinking all those carbohydrates, you might as well drink a loaf of bread. I could drink a loaf of bread right now.

If they can make a video of us drinking things, we never drank. What else could they show us doing? Nothing our contracts say they can. Oh, we were supposed to specify everything we didn't want to be shown doing on our contracts then? Silly me. I got halfway through the Seven Deadly Sins and ran out of steam. Babe, everything all right? This is how TV is made, and we signed up for it?

But what? How? I've interviewed enough competition show contestants to know that this is not how it's made. And we're not going to let Mr. Cruz convince us all that this is normal. You need some space? You want to get some air? What I want to know is who turned on the darn projector. Could the AI have done that, Dennis? He's not the goddamn expert on everything here. He was talking to you.

You, Dennis L. Then he should have... What? What's with all right, love birds? Romances in the air. Was that? Was that? Her water glass?

Jesus, Anuk, you almost broke his nose. Oh, my God. Good aim, barely two inches off. And all that water! How horrible! Guess she's not thirsty. I'm so... I don't know why.

It's just... But you... I didn't... I'll... I'll be right back. Anouk. Anuk, I'm so sorry, everybody, just one second. Anuk.

Well, the producers were telling me that this crop of contestants were cropped, dead, gorgeous. But I didn't think they meant that literally. If you like our stories and you'd like us to keep making them, please follow us and spread the word about us on social media, including at the penumbra podcast on Instagram and TikTok, the penumbra podcast on Facebook, and at the penumbrapod. com.combe.combe.combe.combe.combe.combe.combe.combe.combe. If you have a little bit

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helping us, that's the place to go. We use your contributions to pay our actors and artists' competitive rates, purchase equipment and licensed software that allows us to work and record remotely with a wide range of performers, and buy time to work obsessively on these stories to make them as good as they can be. If you want indie art to continue existing, please continue supporting it how you can. And hey, speaking of behind the scenes content, one of our favorite rewards is our companion podcast for Thirst, Wet Hot American Doomsday, where Harley and I chat with the actors and artists of Thirst.

This week we're talking about chemistry between actors with Melody Pereira and Joshua Elon. Okay, I'll be blunt. It is weird because I've never met Joshua. I've only seen him through a tiny little window on Zoom, you know and and when you look through my windows when you were following me now and I'm a pervert yeah but we'd also like to shower thanks upon our endless gratitude to your supporters who give so generously to keep our show alive macaela bear skyfire forever

radia selna the werner's thanking the penumbar team for preserving and creating june gashoku jonathan the wilka's wilkes kiki's podcast patronage service Gregory Siedman, Ari Berry, Jay Hull, Diana Cause, Cortu, Desert Willow, the Lady Guinevere and the Extra Large Snack, Eden the Gay Book Worm, Jane Marie Cohen, Tanya's Robot Repair, Chloe Dumoulin, Charlie Cain, Joey Minchew in Memory of Spiral Opel, and Genetic. Thank you all so much. This episode of Thirst, Chapter 1, Icebreaker, was performed by Joshua Elon as Dennis Cruz, Melody Pereira as Anuke Calhara, Marge Dunn as Rain Randolph,

Stephano Pretty as Dennis Lang, Amanda Egbue as Georgia Whitaker, Quinn McKinsey as Capote Whitaker, Mark Pierre as Sergeant Murdoch, Eleanor Cho Fellerhoff as Holiday Murdoch, and Alexander Stravinsky as the host. The Can't Tear My Eyes From You Theme was written by Harrison M. Beck. Our composer is Ryan Vibert. Our graphic designer is Jeff Wright. Our head of operations is Ginny DiAngelo. Thirst and the number of podcast are created and produced by Harley Takagi Kainer, our director and sound designer, as well as Kevin Vibert. That's me. Our lead writer.

For additional credits, including credits for ensemble roles, our script editing team, our transcripts, and more. Check out the show notes for this episode. That's all the apocalypse we have time for today. Thanks for listening and stay hydrated. Thank you. Thanks for supporting the Fable and Folly Network. Here's another show we know you'll love. Hi, I'm Jonathan Pezza, creator of the multi-award-winning immersive fiction podcast, Curious Matter Anthology. And we are launching the Kickstarter campaign for our brand new season and our very first tabletop RPG. I'm Tiffany Smith. We are so excited to share a sneak peek at what we have planned for Karnacki, blood, and ether, our deepest dive into supernatural horror yet that will transport audiences and players alike into an age of superstition, ghosts, and de-nows.

This new season, in addition to the podcast, we are inviting you to join the story with the Blood and Ether supernatural horror role-playing system. It's me, Amy Vorpal. You may know me from things like sagas of sundry goblin mode or Dimension 20 and Dropout TV. If you and your friends are fans of horror cinema and all things supernatural, we are creating a game system that gets your heart pumping with narrative scares and roller coaster twists and turns that'll promise to get you and your friends on the edge of your seats the whole time you're playing. Last season, we had one of the most exciting casts in audio fiction, and this season will be no different because yet again,

we have an unbelievable list of performers that we will be announcing throughout the Kickstarter campaign. For exclusive rewards, early access, and even a chance to play with the cast, back us on Kickstarter today by heading to CMAnthology.com slash Kickstarter. That's CMAnthology.com slash Kickstarter. Help us make season four Karnacki, Blood, and Ether a reality. Join the adventure, back the campaign, and let's get curious together. See you in the nightland.