Dhru Purohit Show - Healing Trauma, Psychedelic Medicine, and The Power of Self-Love with Dr. Molly Maloof

Episode Date: May 5, 2022

This episode is brought to you by BiOptimizers and HigherDOSE. Tapping into love and connection is one of our greatest tools for improved health, happiness, and longevity.  This is an area many of us struggled with pre-pandemic, and it has only become more overwhelming and destructive over the last few years. And while our relationships with others are vital to our well-being, our degree of self-love is a key player as well.  Today on The Dhru Purohit Podcast, Dhru talks to Dr. Molly Maloof about creating more love in life, working through trauma, and how psychedelic medicines can safely be used in the process.  Dr. Molly is passionate about extending healthspan through her medical practice, personal brand, and entrepreneurial and educational endeavors. She is the founder and CEO of Adamo Bioscience, a company pioneering the science of love. She provides personalized medicine to world-class entrepreneurs, investors, and technology executives in Silicon Valley.  In this episode, we dive into:  -One of the most important questions that your doctor should ask (0:49) -The top impediments that get in the way of people having more love and connection in their lives (9:57) -What trauma does to the brain (14:03) -Psychedelic medicine in healing trauma (15:42) -Sexual trauma, PTSD, and sexual dysfunction (25:34) -Understanding your core wound (32:17) -How to intentionally create community (48:55) -The power of self-love (1:00:07) Also mentioned in this episode: -Adamo Bioscience -Your Healthspan Plan Course   For more on Dr. Molly, follow her on Instagram @drmolly.co, Facebook @mollymaloofmd, Twitter @mollymaloofmd, and through her website, drmolly.co. Preorder her book, The Spark Factor, here. This episode is brought to you by BiOptimizers and HigherDOSE. Magnesium Breakthrough from BiOptimizers really stands out from the other magnesium supplements out there. It contains seven different forms of magnesium, all of which have different functions in the body. There isn't anything else like it on the market. BiOptimizers is offering my community 10% off, so just head over to magbreakthrough.com/dhru and use code DHRU10. The Infrared Sauna Blanket from HigherDOSE gives you all the benefits of infrared in an easy-to-use, portable blanket at a much lower cost than a stand-alone sauna. Get your own Infrared Sauna Blanket at HigherDOSE.com today and use my exclusive Promo Code: DHRU15 at check out to save 15% off. That’s HigherDOSE.com. Exclusive Promo Code: DHRU15. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Social disconnection is a bigger driver of disease and disability than smoking, drinking, sedentary behavior, and obesity. Hi, everyone. Drew Brode here. Today we have Dr. Molly Maloof on the podcast to talk about some of the top things that get in the way of us truly experiencing a massive dose of love in our life. Yes, love. If you care about love, love, this podcast is for you. And we talk about the role that's psychedelics and healing from unresolved traumas, especially. sexual trauma can have in us getting back to love in our lives. It's a fascinating conversation. Stay tuned. Dr. Molly, welcome to the podcast. It's a pleasure and honor to have you here.

I've been following your work over the last couple of years as I've gotten introduced to you. I'd love to start off with a little bit of a bigger picture question. I've been listening to a lot of your interviews recently. And one of the things that I've extrapolated from there that you ask people is what is the last time that you've gone in for your annual physical or even let alone a doctor's appointment with your general physician? And they've asked you the question, do you have love in your life? Oh, yeah. Talk to us about why that question could be an important, if not maybe one of the most important questions for people to be asked by somebody who's helping them take care of their health. Yeah. So I, I.

found myself teaching at Stanford and building this curriculum around health and doing all this research on everything that I could possibly put into a course on health span extension. So how do you extend the number of healthy years of living? And after spending 10 years working with executives, investors, and entrepreneurs, I was a hit with this new knowledge with like, it was just a ton of bricks. I was like, oh my God, literally social disconnection is a bigger driver of disease and disability than smoking, drinking, sedentary behavior, and obesity. And it turns out, at least in men, long-titudinal studies in men, social connection and high-quality personal relationships is a bigger driver of health and happiness than any other

factor we know. So I was like, how is it possible that medicine is overlooked this massively important facet of existence? And so I started, you know, learning about love because I was like, what is love? Like, what is this motivational force, right? Like, and I discovered that this was as important and as programmed into our biology as thirst and hunger. And that loneliness was actually a primitive pain signal that's actually designed to get you to move closer to your tribe. Because in primitive times, you would have been at risk of being attacked by neighboring tribes and animals if you were on the outskirts.

So we actually developed this pain signal. And you can't really understand love unless you understand loneliness and you understand isolation and connection and what that does to health. And my personal experience during the pandemic was that, you know, for part of it, I was alone and isolated. And I'd never experienced more challenges to my health during that period of time. Nothing worked. Like my metabolism didn't work. Ketosis didn't work. Caliore restriction didn't work. I could not lose weight no matter what. My body was in a state of hypervigilance and threat. And as were many people. And so I, you know, during 2021, decided to start spending more time with my friends and decided to start traveling.

I spent a good amount of time with my family, but I really needed to spend more time with my friends and my community. So I started traveling and I started spending time with people and reconnecting with all my communities and all the major cities. And I was, I've never been more high on life. I've never felt more joy, more love, more just peace than when I came out of the, you know, I got vaccinated and I started traveling and I started seeing people again. And I, that's when, I mean, just really has all come together for.

for me in the last few years, you know, I spent since 2014 obsessed with metabolism. And I was just always asking myself, like, why is it that? Even if you can wear a glucose monitor and know exactly what to eat and know exactly which foods you shouldn't touch, why do you still reach for the cookie when you're stressed and alone and isolated? Why was it impossible for me to eat normally during the pandemic when I was by myself? And I realized that there is this programming in our mind to literally drive us towards people because when we are close to people, when we maintain proximity with people, when we

touch other people, it actually turns off on safety signaling. It actually turns on a sense of feeling love, feeling connection, feeling safe, feeling trust. And that's actually all through oxytocin neurobiology. So really what I feel like is I've discovered the Holy Grail of health. I really feel like love and trust and safety and connection and compassion. And and gratitude and empathy. And all of these things that seem like amorphous concepts are actually all related to how we find safety in life and how we find safety through social connection. And this is like one of the biggest things that if we could actually spread as a movement,

it would transform the health of millions of people. And that's when I decided to commit a lot of my health and my health fan practice, my companies, my, you know, I built a company called Adama Bioscience specifically to actually work on pro-social behavior. science and bring this to the masses through products and services because I was like, this is the missing thing that we're all ignoring. And as a result, I've just discovered this massive, massive field that like hasn't, it's actually a fairly nascent field, but there's quite a lot of literature on the science of love and social connection that hasn't made it to the mainstream yet. And so, you know, coming on podcasts like this and talking about it is really about trying to teach people

this important facet of our lives because I think if we all knew more about it, we would be thriving rather than struggling in this post-pendemic world we're living in. On that note, I mean, so much to unpack there and we will. That's why we have you on the podcast. What do you think are some of the top impediments that get in the way? In addition to, let's say, you know, you're talking about isolation, which, you know, there's multiple layers of isolation, which we chat about that in a little bit. But what are some of the top things and impediments that get in the way of people having

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We don't want to look at the parts of ourselves that. been traumatized. And I really love internal family systems because it really gives you an opportunity to like revisit the traumatized part of yourself that needs to be cared for. It needs to be held, needs to be told. Everything's going to be okay. And a lot of people have attachment dysfunction from childhood, you know, from parental relationships that were very challenging, having parents that had attachment dysfunction, intergenerational trauma unresolved actually contributes to a lot of parental behaviors that don't contribute to a feeling, essentially. felt sense of safety and connection with parents.

And so until you really work through your personal narrative of your life and really understand your core wound, whether you have big tier, little T trauma, most people have some wounding that hasn't been fully addressed. And that typically is that and that wounded parts, part of ourselves is typically the part of ourselves that's afraid to love because frankly, a lot of what we're supposed to feel love is actually through our primary family relationships. And if those were challenging and we didn't get. enough love growing up, then we struggle with it in our adult relationships. And so I think

those are actually profoundly important things to address first. On top of those things, social media and modern dating culture is highly toxic to the young brain, the young growing brain. And I'm sure I'm dramatically like the amount of concern I have for Gen Z is astonishing because like, you know, 30% of Gen Z doesn't even want me to have sex. Like they're not even thinking about sex. Like that's pretty screwed up because love is, so if you actually understand like biology, sexuality is like there's a sex drive, right? So sex drive is driven by testosterone and estrogen. It's designed to get you to have sex with people so that you can find a person that you have sex with a lot. And the more you have sex with them, the more love

hormones get released, the more dopamine you get, the more you passion you feel, the more euphoria you get around them, the more neuropronephrine that gets released, the more obsessed you get, the more the more like nervous you feel, the less you sleep because you're just so, you're so obsessed with this person. And then the more serotonin you feel, which is like the warm and fuzzy feeling and knowing that this person makes you feel good when you, when you're around them. And when all these three hormones get consistently released, you start getting, you actually start getting more and more oxytocin, which is the bonding hormones, the parabonding hormone. So understanding this evolutionary biology and this biological imperative actually plays a huge role in how we love or how we struggle with

love. And so there are a lot of people who actually are, are, have quite promiscuous lives and don't ever fall in love. And usually these individuals struggle with, um, trauma under the per surface. And frankly, there is a, there is a, there's a lot of talk on me too, but there's not enough talk about pediatric sexual trauma in society. And one in four girls are abused as children. And I think it's one in 11 boys. It's probably more than boys are willing to admit because I, I think a lot of men are afraid to admit trauma. But I've spoken to quite a lot of experts in sexual trauma at this point. And I think that the numbers are probably double. And so if that's true, then we're talking a pretty large percentage of the population is dealt with inappropriate touch, sexual abuse,

you know, rape and all sorts of things that are unspeakable acts towards children. And that's going to really mess up your ability to love as an adult, turns out. And also it happens to teenagers, one in four girls, one in five women in college are raped. Um, you know, one in five women are, um, are assaulted in their lifetime. One in three women are, actually it's one in three women are assaulted. One in one in five, one and five women are apparently raped. And these numbers are CDC numbers. So like that actually makes, uh, the nervous system. And it's not just women, by the way. It definitely happens to men too. I've actually met quite a lot of men since starting my my company and my practice who've experienced sexual trauma.

But we do not talk enough about this because it is such a profoundly influential facet of love and connection is actually understanding what trauma does to the brain. And it actually creates a sense of deep fear that another person is going to harm you. And especially a person is going to harm you in a condition that's supposed to be a loving experience. Like sex is supposed to be about love. It's supposed to be about coming together and finding a partner and building a life and building a family and yet that gets highly disturbed through trauma especially specifically sexual trauma so um i'm

bringing this up because like i actually don't hear enough enough about this on podcasts almost nobody wants to talk about this topic because it's so so awful it's like such a terrible topic but i found personally that like as a as a survival of sexual trauma in college um i have started talking about my own experiences. And this dropping all shame around your experience, whether it be sexual assault or sexual trauma or pediatric sexual abuse, is actually profoundly healing. And so I think the more women and men that hear that just talking about these things can actually improve your ability to love others, improve your ability to love yourself, improve your ability to just lift this shame is actually profoundly important. And so it's one of those things that I talk a lot about now because I think

it's one of those things where it's a major impediment to even healthy relationships because a lot of people get triggered and their partners don't know why. And oftentimes that part of us gets triggered is actually the part of us that's dramatized. And so it's so important that we understand this facet of our psychology. And I believe that psychedelic medicine is going to play a role in the future of helping us heal from trauma. And MAPS is doing a remarkably important work. And I'm also just working on research for my own company around potentially the role of psychedelics in helping to heal relationships and help heal trauma. You know, you've been honest about your journey and story and you've been using it as a

teachable opportunity for other people. I'm curious for you, what gave you the courage and the freedom and a little bit of the space and the confidence to feel like, you know what? Maybe not as many people are talking about this, but I'm going to choose to talk about it. You know, on one hand, you're a physician. So a big part of your job, especially as a position in the space of somebody who's talking about health span to people, is you're an educator. So you're your constant educator. Yet still, nonetheless, there's that sense of, oh, you know, I'm from Stanford.

I grew up this way or this is this component. I believe that you came from also like a pretty religious background and what are people going to think of me. So would you mind sharing about what brought you to that place that gave you the confidence to be able to talk about this? Well, it's so interesting because, you know, life is so inexplicable at sometimes. Like, certain, there's things like, like, I was such a rationalist, scientific thinker in my 20s. And I still am very much as scientific thinker and use a lot of reason to make sense of life. But I never thought that I would find the weird synchronicities that I've, that I've experienced in the last few years since the pandemic began. And I guess it's funny.

I committed in 2020 to like really just start working for myself as much as possible because I've worked for 50 companies in the last 10 years. And I've worked as a private doctor and I've done so much consulting and so much advising and so much spreading myself throughout so many different projects. But I decided I was going to work for me and I was going to work on my personal brand more. And that's what I decided to start working on the book and start working on building an online course. And I, one of my friends, one of my friends, branded me Dr. Molly many years ago. He goes, you know your brand has to be Dr. Molly, right? And I was like, okay, people are going to misinterpret this.

And he's like, no, no, no, you just have to because like, Molly, you're cool. Everyone loves Molly. It's funny. People are going to like tongue and cheek. And I was like, yeah, but like, I don't really know if it makes sense to just be Dr. Molly. But I've always kind of want to be like, I've always admired Andrew Weil. And so I was like, why not?

Just go with Dr. Molly. And so, but it's fun. Because like the psychedelic revolution started in, you know, in the pandemic. And I was kind of astonished at how quickly psychedelic companies were starting to just blossom. Like there was like 20 companies in 2020 and then there was like 300 in 2021 in psychedelics. So by the time 2021 came around, I had actually done a podcast that I was it was kind of a podcast. It was more like a weekly radio show that was on Clubhouse called. the psychedelic news hour. And I built the psychedelic club on Clubhouse because like there was

no other public square to talk about stuff. And I was like, seems like there's a lot of movement in psychedelics. And we should probably be talking about the risks because they're not perfectly safe. And people should definitely know that they like I just saw a lot of psychedelic use during the pandemic. And I was just thinking to myself, wow, everyone's isolated. People are using drugs. This is a recipe for disaster. And I'm sure you've noticed that quite a lot of people have succumb to addiction and there's quite a lot of mental health discrepancies. So I really wanted the psychedelic News Hour to be like a place where people could talk about science and the science of psychedelics and the risks and benefits and the harms. And in the process, I just started getting pitch decks from investors

who were like, hey, do you know a lot about psychedelics? You should let us know about this company. And I started seeing all these pitch checks. And I was like, wow, I wouldn't invest in any of these companies. I was like not impressed at all with them. And I have rare high standards. Like I rarely really think things are that interesting unless I'm like obsessed with them. And so I had been, it was 2021 and I was starting to talk to other founders. And people were starting to recruit me to try to join their companies. They were like, you know, you're a public figure about psychedelics. You need to join a company. And a lot of my friends were encouraging me to start another company. And I was like, yeah, I definitely should be in a psychedelic space. Like this is something I'm really

passionate about. I've been passionate about psychedelics since I was in my early 20s. And so I was thinking about this version, this was an intactogen that my friend of mine had developed. And I was like, you know what? I love MDMA, but this is a really great medicine. And I was thinking about like, okay, if I'm going to build a company, what I wanted to be around. And so I knew I wanted to work in psychedelics and I knew I wanted to work with intactogens. And the reason why I wanted to work with them was in my late 20s, I had, met a guy and we had experimented with MDMA together. And I had been essentially like undiagnosed

multiple sexual dysfunction individual in my 20s. I didn't realize, but until I started learning about sexual dysfunction. But I had hypoactive arousal, which means I didn't have really any lubrication at all during before sex. And then I had sexual pain, which we considered, you know, either vaginism or disparunia. And I had anoregasmia, situational anorgasm. me so I was unable to have an orgasm. And I just knew I didn't have a normal sex life in my 20s. I just knew that there was something wrong with me because I was just like, and sex always felt like a kind of performative act. Like it never really felt like I was really in it. I always felt kind of dissociated from my body whenever I had sex. And I just didn't feel present. I never really felt

present for my sex life. It was always like this thing that I would do, but it was almost like an act because I would never have any real pleasure from it. And it's so funny. because I met this guy we were using, and by the way, huge disclaimer here to anyone listening. This is 100% not condoning the use of MDMA for sexual dysfunction. This has not been studied professionally. We have not run any long-term studies. There's quite a lot of anecdotal evidence, but there is absolutely no, like, I cannot condone people do what I did because if people do what I did, they could harm themselves.

if you uncover, you know, sexual trauma during a sexual experience, it could actually leave you very unsettled. So I want women to listen to this. Like, I cannot condone until the research is done, like, that this is safe. But this is what happened to me. So this is a total anecdotal story. I was using MDMA with this partner. And I, you know, we were together at Burning Man and we were together after Burning Man. And after, you know, we had experimented with this medicine together, I had gone.

gone from having all of these sexual dysfunctions to having none. And they just evaporated after feeling safe with this person, having a safe environment, extraordinarily safe container we created. I felt safe with this individual psychologically. My mindset was extremely positive. I felt very, very much centered and safe. And the medicine, MDMA, releases the same neurochemicals as love. So you get dopamine, you get serotonin, you get norophenaphrin, you get oxytocin.

And so it deeply creates a sense of safety. If you have a safe container, if you have a safe mindset, if you have a safe partner, if you don't have all those safety settings, then you can actually end up more traumatized with MDMA. People don't realize this. So like I had created an accident the perfect safe sexual healing experience. And I've actually talked to people who've done MDMA without safety settings. And they've actually uncovered their own traumas and they ended up feeling more traumatized than they were going in. So if you are in an unsafe environment and you,

taken in tactogen, what can happen is your body has a safety setting where it will try to get you out of danger no matter what. So even if a drug dramatically increases oxytocin release, if you feel unsafe at all, this is what a bad trip is, basically. You feel unsafe, you have an unsafe environment, somebody makes you feel unsafe, or your mindset goes to a dark place. What happens is your nervous system says, uh-oh, unsafety, get this person out of here. And so what it does is it activates the basopressin receptors. So oxytocin can hit this receptors that, activate aggression, anxiety, fear, and survival, right? So very, very importantly to explain the differences here, because the neurobiology of oxytocin and vasopressin is really important for

understanding psychedelic. And it's actually very important for understanding how psychedelic can be extremely healing or very dangerous depending on the conditions and the context. So going back to me, I had had this like crazy sexual healing experience in my late 20s, right? And like I hadn't even been to my residence yet. It wasn't even a licensed doctor. So like arguably, I don't think anybody could probably take my license away for telling this story because I wasn't actually a licensed physician. But I basically like told all my friends what happened to me. And I was like, guys, I had this like crazy experience. And like I had all these problems with sex.

And now I'm totally fine. And I don't know what I don't even know what happened. And I was like, I think I should probably work in like the sexual health space. And all my friends talked me out of it. They're like, you don't want to work in sex. Sex is dangerous. sucks is bad, sex is dark. And honestly, a lot of people were just like,

to stay away from that field. And I was like, okay. And I was really impressionable, right? But 10, you know, fast forward to like almost 10 years later. And I saw what MAPS was doing with MDMA. And I started doing research on MDMA. And I was like, wait, did I have PTSD? And so I looked up the diagnosis of PTSD.

And I go, oh, shit, I did not have PTSD. I had actually was one of those women. And so about for any women with sexual trauma, the research suggests that about 30% of them will develop PTSD. But 60 to 80% of them will develop sexual dysfunction. So it's really not uncommon for a woman to develop sexual dysfunction after a sexually traumatizing experience because her nervous system says, that was dangerous. I don't want that again. And so anytime you're back in the same situation, your nervous system goes, this is not safe. What am I going to do here?

And so you end up with what's called a body that's in. in a threat state. And in a threat state, you can't fully relax. And we all, anybody who's had an orgasm knows that it actually requires both activation of your nervous system, but actually it's a parasympathetic and sympathetic balance. And if you're, if you're caught in overly a sympathetic state because your body says this is dangerous, then you won't really experience the full breadth of sexual pleasure and euphoria. So I was with an investor and I was telling you about my company idea. And I was like, you know what? I just don't know what to do with my life. I really feel like I should, I could go and build brand Dr. Molly.

But I also have this idea for a psychedelic company. And I really want to bring sexual, you know, healing to women and men. And I really think that like drugs can potentially help people heal sexual dysfunction. And he's like, well, how do you have that? Why would you know about that? I was like, well, it happened to me. And he's like, what? And I was like, yeah.

And he's like, shoot, if you think that this works, I mean, like, the latter is evolutionary. Like you're a woman instead of a man in the media. That's cool. He's like, but by the way, you can do that. in your sleep. Like you can do that no matter if you build a company or not. He's like, the latter, this is revolutionary. So if you do this, I will fund it and I'll be your lead. And I was like, what? I was like, crap, that means I have to do this. So basically, I started the company and I started telling people about my company why I started in the origin story. And they were all like, wait,

so you have a new Molly and your name is Molly and you're trying to bring Molly to the masses to help feeling sexual dysfunction. I was like, yeah. And they're like, that's insane, but that's amazing. But here's the thing. I started talking to women and I started talking to women about their own experiences because women, I opened up about myself and the women started opening up to me. And holy crap, did I meet so many women, so many powerful, talented, successful, ambitious women who said, wait, that happened to you? That happened to me too. And it was like over and over again. I mean, almost the majority of women I told about my company, they, they were either assaulted or raped.

And it was like, I was like, wait, this is not okay. Like, this doesn't make sense. Like, how is it possible that this many women have this problem? Like, this is way more widespread than I thought. Like, I just couldn't believe it. And honestly, like, the more I talked about myself, the more women could open up to me. And the more I realized that, like, the less shame that I had, the less, I, I mean, by the time six months went into this company and I learned so much about sexual health and love and attachment. the amount of shame that had about my own self and my own history was gone.

I just like it was gone. I was like, this shame is gone. And I was like, wow, this is wild. So it's funny because I started this company as a psychedelic company. And I have a patent on a, on a really cool drug. But what's interestingly is, Adama bioscience is becoming much bigger than a drug company. Like we're actually delaying the drug development.

We're still patenting the drug and we're still working on understanding the profile of this medicine because we think it can teach us a lot about love. but it's becoming much bigger than this. It's actually becoming an entire bioscience platform dedicated to understanding pro-social behavior because pro-social behavior is actually the entire field above love. Love is underneath pro-social behavior. And it turns out that I believe that we have a responsibility

to actually teach society about this part of our lives and to actually help educate women and women about the evolutionary prerogative because it can actually explain a lot of why men engage in behaviors that are, men and women, by the way, engage in behaviors that are, that are hurtful and why these problems in society actually contribute

to all sorts of problems downstream, including attachment dysfunction, parenting problems, child rearing problems. And I think if we can, you know, enlighten and illuminate society around this, the world's going to look like a very different place in the future. So that's a really long answer. But I had to give the whole thing because

honestly, a lot of people have gotten a lot of criticism about my company recently. A lot of people have been talking about the dangers of psychedelics and sexual trauma and how women are getting traumatized by sexual shamans. And that is definitely a problem in the world. But I just really wanted to bring that up because I think it's important that people understand the whole backstory, but also understand that my platform is becoming much more than just a drug company. It's actually becoming a bioscience platform. And we are going to, we are going to teach people about the effects

of sexual trauma. And we are developing drug-assisted therapy protocols, which we are going to test, clinical studies. And someday there will be a drugs available for people to help them heal. And I know this is coming. And whether people like it or not, it's, it's necessary. Because what I have today in my sexual power is literally beyond comprehension, like beyond even, I can barely even articulate the level of transformation that this discovery has made in my own personal life. And I think it's a huge, huge predictor of like overall, like the amount of energy that I have every day is like, has gone up exponentially since healing my body in this way. So I think this is something that's worth sharing. I'm so glad you're sharing it. I appreciate you being out there.

And you know, we're in this like many emerging fields that are there. There's always a wild, wild west period, right? There's a lot of good. There's some bad that's out there and we need people who know how to navigate and take and be explorers, but also within certain boundaries to create a new model. And that's how everything, that's how everything that ends up making its way to the masses get started. But you got to go through that Wild West period. You know, jumping back a little bit. And, you know, it's the first time that we're getting a chance to talk in an interview capacity. So I want to just first acknowledge, you know, number one, thank you for sharing that. It's going to help so many people because, as you mentioned, there's many women.

some men that have gone through this process and have never felt confident to be able to talk about it or comfortable and seeing somebody like you will make them. Number two, I'm sorry for the experience that you went through and everything that ended up happening from this college experience and then that leading to many, many other things down the road. I'm also curious about, you know, use this word core wound. Talk to us about what is a core wound. and how much did your life or maybe the upbringing that you had that seemed to be very conservative play into it or not play into it? Yeah. I mean, I'll be honest with you.

Like, if I could tell my entire story, it would be amazing. But unfortunately, because it involves other people that are close to me and their own personal stories of their own traumas, I can only give like the, I can only tell part of it. But suffice to say that when I was a child, um, there were some major family traumas and, and not happen, that didn't happen to me, but happened to people in my family. And these traumas woke me up. I mean, I'm talking, I went from being a child who played with toys to a little girl who saw the entire suffering of humanity land on her head. And somehow I just had this awakening as like a child to like, holy fucking shit, I am absolutely so blessed because I have these incredible parents

who love me so deeply. And I am so blessed with like we were financially well off. And my parents, my dad was an entrepreneur and he was constantly making more money every year. But when he started out, he was poor. But then he became more and more wealthy. And so I saw the power of hard work and dedication. And I also just saw the power of love from these two parents. But I also saw the suffering that comes from trauma. And trauma that didn't happen to me, but happened periphery. And that was an eye-opening experience because it basically made me grow up overnight. You know, I just stopped caring about childhood things.

I remember just like, I remember looking at toys and being like, what's the point? Like, what's the point anymore, you know? And I was kind of sad because I was actually very sad as a fifth grader because my life had been turned upside down. My family's life had been turned upside down. And I was a very persevering, very I mean, since I was in kindergarten, I was basically like, once I learned that there was like different reading groups, I was like, oh, so there's the best. I have to be the best. And I was always having to be in the best. I was had to have perfect grades. I always had to be, you know, as a high performing child, like I just always wanted to be, you know, good at everything. And so

I started a little business. I started making things I would sell at school. and I started making money and my school sent me to the principal's office because they were like, you're not allowed to do this on campus. And I was like, what? And so nowadays, they put kids in special classes when they make money and have entrepreneurship in their blood. But just to interject, what were you selling? Like candy, like blue box? I was actually selling, um, these handmade origami boxes that I had drew all over. And they were like decorated. And then I was making American girl doll clothes and bedding the sewing machine. So I was like sewing things. You were, real things. Like it was like real handicrafts. I would sew purses. Like I would go by like,

I would go by scrap fabric at the fabric store for like very cheap. And then I would like make things out of it. And then I would sell it for a higher price. And I was a little business going. And I was pretty proud of myself. I would make pillows for American girl dolls. It was great. And, uh, and then I got in trouble. And so I got to the principal's office. And this has a lot about this Christian grade school that I went to. because basically they were not particularly pro-women. And there was no women on the board of the school. Like, there was dancing was not allowed. When I was in sixth grade, there was a literal revival and a book burning.

I'm talking, that is bananas crazy. Most people will never see a revival in their lifetime. Like, it's just bonkers. It's like a mass hysteria. And so it's like in this super, super strict environment. And yet, you know, because of all the stuff that happened to my family and there was multiple deaths and there was like more more than one trauma. I my parents were kind of in emergency survival mode because they just had so much on their

plate and I was not like basically when there's an emergency and you're looking at like all the kids and you're like are they okay? Great. Let's like deal with what's really important right now. And I at the time felt a little bit like, uh, I just didn't feel like my, and by the way, this is totally a narrative. I told myself as a child. It was not actually true. Um, and I've, and I've worked through this very much in the last year because I have like learned a ton about attachment. And so as children, we create narratives around our parents when we feel like our needs aren't met in some way. And at the time, when I was a child, I felt as though I wasn't being given the same kind of treatment that other people were around me. And as a result, I really felt like

I had to take care of myself. And I was like, okay, you know, like, nobody needs to worry about me because like, I'm going to figure out my life. And I was like convinced that I had to figure out my entire career as a fifth grader. Like super convinced that like if I didn't, it was an existential moment. I was like, if I do not figure out my life right now, I will, I will lose my mind. And so I I was like, which also played into the idea of like me figuring out my life is also part of the pathway that's going to help me maybe avoid some of this pain that I see around. Yeah. I mean, if I was like, if I figure out my life right now, then I can just focus on that, you know.

And so I decided, I remember to talk to my mom. I was like, mom, writing a book report, but what am going to become when I'm older? And I think I should be a nurse. And she's like, wow, that's great. You could totally be a nurse. And she's like, but why wouldn't you be a doctor? If you like science so much, you love science, Molly. And I was like, but I don't know any female doctors.

And she goes, Molly, the doctor that delivered you was a doctor. Dr. Ali, she delivered you and all your sisters. And I was like, wait, really? And she's like, yeah. I was like, all right, great. I'm going to be a doctor. And this is my purpose. And I'm going to do this.

And this is what I'm going to be here to do. And I was like so dead set on becoming a physician. Even though I think my first calling was entrepreneurship, I think my two callings in fifth grade were definitely like companies and medicine. And I did not stop after that year. I basically, you know, remember sixth grade came along and I went through puberty and seventh grade came along. And I was like, I remember when sixth grade came along and I was just like, oh, I'm going to figure out health. I'm going to figure out this, all this crazy stuff.

Makes no sense. I don't know what's going to happen. It was happening to me right now, but I'm going to someday figure out all of these problems. And this is going to be totally explained by science. And then I bought a book, becoming a physician. and I outlined exactly what it took to become a doctor. And I was like, all right, this year I got to do this. This year I got to do that.

And I was just in go mode from then on. I mean, full on go mode. And I was a pretty relentlessly hardworking kid. And, you know, the kind of person who, like, first time I went to a new school in high school, first day, I went and I got in front of the entire school and ran for student government and gave a speech. Like, I was like, these people are going to know who I am. Like, I was like so fearless. And yeah, that core wound was like, you know, nobody needs to worry about me because I have it all figured.

I'm going to figure it all out. Like nobody needs to worry about me because like, you know, I just felt deeply that if I had figured out my life, then like I could also get away with a lot. So if I was perfect on paper, if I had perfect grades, if I was on all student government, varsity sports, all the clubs, literally if I was perfect on paper, then nobody could tell me what to do. and I was like extraordinarily precocious and annoying as a child. And I was pretty much every year since I've been a kid, got sent to the principal's office once a year for doing something. It's like once a year at least for doing something I, and saying something I shouldn't have said to a teacher.

Because I just had this opinion that like, look, if I'm doing everything society says I should do, then why are you telling me what to do? Unfortunately, that was not a particular entitled attitude was, did not serve me particularly well. But fortunately, you know, I think for the most part kind of moved through it, but definitely painted. I mean, it really characterizes a lot of my life since then, which was like, I have always

had a hard time relying on other people and always, and in a lot of ways, it's affected my relationships with men because a lot of men, like, they're like, well, what do I, what can I even do for you? Like, you do everything for yourself. You don't really need me. Like, and it's been a really big, you know, lesson of healing in learning to receive, learning to ask for help, learning to hire help. learning to get people to work for me.

Just to jump in on what you're saying so that the audience could fall along. You know, with every core wound, there's an opposite sort of counterpart that's there. And that opposite counterpart, when we want to look at the patterns that are driving us in life, and why do I keep on doing these same, you know, what I deem to be negative behaviors, or why do I keep on having the same relationships? Why do I keep on having these same sort of, you know, businesses or wrong opportunities come in the way they do? Well, there is usually something that we're creating.

on the opposite side or kind of bringing into us because it helps make our core wound clear for us. Is that an accurate way to talk about it? Yeah, I think so. And I think that it's really important to understand that like there's kind of two sides to the same, to like two sides of the story with core wounds, right? Because on one hand, you adapt, like you would, you kind of adapted this, this facet of yourself to survive. And it was designed to help you like try to make. mitigate like what was a really painful experience for you. It was like it was your way of coping. So in some ways it actually can be very helpful. Like it made me extraordinarily high achieving. And yet at the same time being that achievement oriented is kind of a detrimental thing because it makes

you over identify with your achievements. It makes you override and like makes you over identify with your work. It makes you kind of sacrifice your work for even your relationships at some point. you know and so there's like it's like it's beneficial but it's also really important that if you don't work through your core wound then you may not realize that life can be even better beyond that right like sometimes it's holding you back from actually your full potential because like I had I had literally a pathological inability to ask for help like pathological and I remember asking a friend I asked you Facebook actually I was asking all my friends on Facebook years ago and I go look I I need help. I don't know how to ask for help. And it was like very meta question. I was just like,

I'm struggling. I'm asking for help. I don't know how to ask for help. I don't really know what to do here. And so somebody needs to help me. And so it was like a really important turning point because I was able to get really good feedback from people. Like, this is how you ask for help. And it still took me years to really get to the point where I was truly able to start to delegate things for my life. But man, like everything has sped up and got even more exciting and just more effective. now that I have like multiple people helping me with my company and with my multiple companies and multiple assistants. And it's just like so nice now. And it's like, wow, this burden of thinking I had to do it all myself was actually such a, yes, it got me to a certain point.

But moving through that core wound and really being able to see it and know when it's coming up has helped me kind of surpass it in some ways and start to move, start to move in a direction where it's no longer like completely dictating my life. What books, workshops, guides, Sherpas on the journey helped you gain that clarity that you would feel comfortable? You know, there's people that are listening here that are like, can we kind of have an idea? I think I know, but I'm not sure. I might need a little bit of guidance to dig into this topic and see what that insecurity that core wound is. And I'd love some help doing it.

Any recommendations? I mean, like I already mentioned earlier, the internal family systems model and there's a book called No Bad Parts. But also, having had like a pretty wildly powerful spiritual awakening in 2019, I started meditating and going to meditation retreats. And there was a book that I read called Buddha Takes No Prisoners. And the one thing that you got to know about facing your shadow is the spiritual path is not for sissies. Like it's not this like soft woo woo crap.

It's actually like full on Jedi training. So like if you're going to go start exploring the part of yourself that like, like, the parts of yourself that are the most wounded, like you have to prepare yourself, like, to recognize that stuff's going to come up that, like, isn't going to be easy. And you're going to start seeing parts of yourself that you really do not want to look at. And honestly, like, it's the real work that you have to do. But it's, it's like a lot of people just never will never go there because they just don't like what they see when they look inside.

And so you have to be willing to actually look inside and look at the gunk and look at the stuff that's been shoved under the rug, like all the crap that you just like don't like about yourself. And fortunately, I have had some, I have to admit, I'm like the amount of, like, I have some extraordinary people in my life. And I know about four people that are like pretty much enlightened. And I wouldn't consider myself enlightened yet. But like, I think there's days where I have some sense of enlightenment, but most of the time I just feel like I'm a normal person.

However, well, not actually, I never really feel like a normal person. But like most of the time I don't feel like I'm like an enlightened human, but I definitely feel like I have made certain strides in my spirituality in the last few years. But spending time with people who are more enlightened than you are will like rub off on you like osmosis. So huge fan of Jeffrey Martin's work. He wrote the book, The Finders, and he has this thing called The Finders course and the Explorers course. Highly recommend his work. He is absolutely brilliant because he's really

taken a scientific approach to enlightenment and consciousness. This guy, Ian Mitchell, he introduced me to this guy, David Hawkins's work, like Power v. Force and letting go. I thought his books were total bullshit when I first read them. And then I read them again after Ian and I talked. And I was like, wow, this stuff is actually real. Like, it's been really life-changing those books. And then Tom Chi is an extraordinary human being. And he's got some great talks on YouTube that you should totally check out. Like, he actually may be one of the few people in the world who has the wherewithal to truly understand how to heal climate change.

And he's investing in all of the technologies that are both net positive for humanity and nature and actually a better, they're actually like a better return on investment than current current technology. So he's just cracked this massive code that I think. we need to like if you're an investor listening to this poor money into at one ventures because this guy's like outperforming outperforming 95% of venture capital I don't think he would be doing that if he wasn't truly on the spiritual path like he has like a he's it's not like religious he's just on he's just got this incredibly deeply I I feel like I think being around him it's like he considers

enlightenment a verb that you have to practice every day and he taught me that he was like you're not an enlightened person you're a person who practices enlightenment and I was like, whoa, that is like, what does that even mean? And then I realized it is a practice. It's like a daily choice that you have to, like, like yesterday, I was like particularly not acting spiritually woke whatsoever. I was acting particularly terrible because I was premenstrual and moody and rude. And I was acting mean. And I was like reminded, oh my God, I have so much work to do still. And I'm still a human. But when you have friends that you can call and that you can be like, you know, like people in your life that you can just be like, hey, like, you know, look at yourself

in the mirror. Like, that's important. And it doesn't have to be friends that are enlightened. Can you be friends that like might inspire you and might be people that like in their moral character and the way that they behave and the way that they act like really give you a sense of, I know I can be a better person. You know, I know that I can figure this stuff out. I know that like the way that I'm today is not the person I need to be in, in, in like in in the present or the future. And so there's a lot that you can do by just being around people that you admire and surrounding yourself with people that you want to be more like. Yeah, it comes back to community, spending time with those individuals. Community.

Let's, I mean, we should talk a lot about community, honestly, because like this is so, so important. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about community. I feel like that's something that for you, you mentioned earlier on the podcast and just following you a little on social media is really blossomed in the last couple years. Not that you didn't have community before, but your shape of community has changed wildly. Tell us how did you create that in your life? And what did that look like? How do you intentionally go out there as somebody who's no passion about community?

He talks about a lot in this podcast, talks about my men's group that meets up once a week and goes hiking on Thursday mornings. And it's like something that I look forward to on a regular basis. Like what was one of those first things you did to say like, I want to intentionally create community. and like have these shared experiences with people where we get a chance to go deeper on all these things that I'm talking about here on this podcast. Sure. Well, so I've always been a social butterfly since I was in high school and college. I was a social chair of my sorority.

And medical school, I was very unsocial. I was almost like so focused on studying that I like almost completely disconnected from my family and my community. It was particularly unhealthy. And that was the first time I realized when I reconnected with people that, oh my God, what have I been doing? What am I thinking not being connected to my loved ones? And then, you know, I get to my residency and I'm particularly miserable because I don't have a lot of friends where I'm living. And I felt I had friends where I was living, but I never saw them because I was working pretty much nonstop.

So I felt very alienated and alone my residency. And I felt very much like I was the black sheep of my program. Not surprised. That's surprising. I was constantly asking questions of why health care was the way it was and why we couldn't change it, what we could do differently. And anyway, I ended up leaving my residency, getting my license anyway. But I got a job actually right out of my residency, double my income and half my work hours. And I got that job not because of my own ability to just like find a job.

It was actually through my community. So I knew like first of all, my family was. absolutely astonishingly angry at me for leaving my residency because they were like, nobody does this. This is a terrible idea. Now it's actually pretty common for people to get their like to get their internship over with and get their license, especially functional medicine doctors. I know quite a lot of women who just did their internship and started functional medicine

right after because they're like, what's the point? But at the time, it wasn't particularly popular. My parents were upset. And so I had to go to my community for help. So I started going to events and started going to see people and started telling everyone, look, guys, I'm doing this thing. It's not safe. It's really risky. I don't know if it's going to turn out, but I know I can't thrive in the hospital. And it's going to make me sick. And I just really deeply felt that the hospital was going to make me ill. And it was making me ill. I mean,

I was really, really unwell emotionally working there. And so I started, you know, networking and I ended up getting a job through a friend. And, you know, that job led to me meeting a bunch of mentors that were doctors who became like they were really doing medicine differently in the valley. They were working with really different clientele that I normally would have expected. They were working with like the kings of the of the part of the world like that, you know, the biggest names in investment in entrepreneurship. So I was like, wow, if she can see it, she can be it. And so I basically was like, I can do this too.

And I told these this one doctor, I go, I want to do what you do. You're going to teach me. And he was because he was optimizing health. And I was like, he's like, what? And I was like, yeah, and you're going to teach me. And he's like, okay. And so he bought me a textbook. And he gave me a list of labs to learn about.

So like the first story is basically all about how it was people that I knew that actually shaped my career, right? And I really valued those people because they were like instrumental helping me build my medical practice. But I also made friends in San Francisco in the entrepreneurship world. And one of my friends Todd, he. He was a consultant for a bunch of companies and the military. And he was an entrepreneur.

And he was like, you know, you should really, I was like, Todd, I have no idea how to fund building of medical practice. And he's like, why don't you to start consulting for startups? And I was like, I don't even know how to do that. And he's like, I'll teach you. So he taught me how to be consultant. And I was like, sorry, started talking to startups. And I started getting jobs. And I was like funding my practice.

And I was like, oh my God, I would never have been able to do that had I knock on to a party. and met this guy. It was like a Halloween party. And so it was just, it's always, it's been this chain reaction of, you know, I wouldn't even have gone to the Bay Area if it hadn't been for the fact that I'd been to Burning Man. And Burning Man was where I met a huge amount of people from the Bay Area. And when I was interviewing all over the country for residencies, it was the Bay Area where I had the most friends. And so I ended up going to the Bay because I was like, this is where I need to be. These are my people. And I knew that I'd feel safe in a community where I knew I had friends. And so it's just been this like constant reminder throughout my life that like if I invest in people,

people will invest in me and be in this and there's a sort of relationship that's built through constantly interacting with people in networks. And you get these effects, network effects of like once people know, once one person knows who you are and you know a few people, like if I go to a new city and I know one person, within a week, I'm going to have seven new friends. Like I can make friends like that. As long as I have one friend, that one friend will introduce me to two friends and those two people and choose me to five people. And then before I know it, I have 10 new friends in a new city.

And, um, and, and like that's to me, like, that's something that I've, I've learned is it's, it's, it takes a little bit of fearlessness. Like, you have to ask people to help you and make introductions. It helps to be a fairly charming human. Like, you know, like, it helps to be someone that people want to be around. So like, you know, I haven't always been the way I am today. I was extraordinarily aggressive. I was on Adderall when I was younger. I was like way too assertive, kind of annoying. So I think I've become more likable just through working through all my crap under the surface. But I got invited on a trip called Chosen Experiences. It was a really special travel company that like you had applied to get in, but I never even knew about them. They just asked me to come and teach. And I go and I was like, well, where are we going? Where do you want me to come? And they're like come to Guatemala. And

And they're like, you know, we'd love to have you teach. And I was like, okay, I'll come to Guatemala. And before I knew it, I was literally on a helicopter flying to a villa in Guatemala. And I remember being like, this is insane. I've never been on a trip this nice before. And I met these two founders, John and Robin. And I remember thinking, how did you build your life like this? How did you build this crazy experience?

Like, this is the most extraordinary trip I've ever taken. And I'm here teaching. Like, why did you pick me? And they're like, because we've been watching you. And we've heard about you. and you're, you know, you're a pioneer. And I was like, whoa, that's crazy. I was like, so you do this all over the world?

You have friends all over the world? And they're like, yeah. And I was like, whoa. I was like, someday I want to have friends all over the world, just like you guys. And I want to be able to go to new cities and have new friends in different countries and be able to feel safe anywhere in the world. And they're like, that can be your life. And I was like, wow, that could be my life, you know?

And someday, like literally, you know, six years later, I'm in Norway and I had one friend here and now I have a whole bunch of friends here and I feel safe in this new city and like everywhere I go, I feel like I'm meeting someone new and finding restaurants that I like and like people are trying to recognize me in like the local area. Like this one Indian restaurant, they like seen me three times in the last 10, 13 days because it's really good Indian food. And it's like just this sense of dropping into a city feeling like you know one person and now you have five people. And it's like this, it's like this, it's a It's just the thing that just started happening.

And one of the things that you have to realize, if you're trying to build community, is like the biggest impediment to making new friends is awkwardness. So I realized that when the pandemic ended, well, for me, it ended. I got vaccinated and I was like, pandemic's over. And so I started traveling. And I remember going to parties in L.A. And I remember going to the first party in L.A. And I was like, wow, this is the most awkward social experience I have ever been at.

People don't know how to socialize. everybody's awkward. And I was like, wow, if everyone's awkward, that means I don't have to be awkward anymore because everybody's awkward. And I was like, cool. So I basically just eliminated awkwardness because I was like, what's the point of feeling awkward if like everything in the world is totally weird now? So I just like, I think I think these two little secrets of like invest in your friends, invest in your community, like no one person in a new city, have them introduce you to new people. And then just like stop feeling awkward just because everyone feels this way. And before you know it, you can start building friends anywhere.

And then it also really helps if you built friends in a community, if somebody else goes to that city and like, for example, I have a ton of friends in Austin. I had a friend who is an investor in psychedelics and he goes, hey, Molly, I'm going to spend a few months in Austin. Is there any way you can introduce me to people?

Be very generous with introductions because it's so feeds back. I mean, it's like karma. Like the more people you introduce people to, the more people introduce you to other people. And so I introduced him to like 15 of my friends. And, you know, I just think that it's so important to invest in just helping people connect and helping people make friends. And like one of my dear friends, she got a job through one of my friends.

And, you know, one of my friends hired a new rock star CMO because of our friendship. And like he introduced her to a bunch of other friends of his. And it's just like, I think it's so important to just like constantly invest in helping people. Because the more people you help, the more people will help you. And so especially when you're young, when you're young, when you're, you're really young and in your 20s and you're trying to make your name for yourself, just give away your time because you have way more time than you do when you're older. When you're older, just like still do your best to like make introductions when people ask

because be the kind of person who's generous with introductions, but always be respectful to people. No cold introductions unless somebody like cold versus warm introduction. A lot of people who are a higher status than you do not want you to just like email somebody and include the other person in the email. They want to be told a few things about this person. So like it's, it's like always nice to just say, hey, this is my friend. They would love to, they would love to meet you.

Would you mind me? I make an introduction. So just knowing some formal decorum of making intros is really helpful. But again, it's just all about the investment of like building your network and building your community and being someone who can be helpful as much as possible. And it's like karma. The more you give, the more you get. And it's just generative.

I love it. One of my favorite books on this topic is by Keith Farazi, Never Eat Alone. I came across it a few years ago. Really, really beautiful, really beautiful book. So I want to ask you about how you think about putting all these things together. You know, we've done so many episodes on the topic of metabolic health and balanced blood sugar and all the tips and tricks and the hacks out of there. And yet, sometimes, and I try to do a job on my podcast as the steward of this podcast, of zooming out and sharing that if we're so stressed out about trying to figure out exactly the right way to eat or sleep or do this or do that, it can consume us. And we end up losing out on some very foundational aspects of love in our life,

which is even that self-love. We're so hard on ourselves. And we're often the hardest people on ourselves. Is there anything that you want to talk about on that topic as people start to think about putting these things together? together in their in their in their life yeah i mean i really i'm getting more and more questions on self-love and i'm starting to think that this needs to be a book at some point because there are really almost no good books on self-love turns out like you'd be surprised i've looked

on amazon it's actually pretty pot like pretty pretty pretty few books on this topic and um and so i had to face something in myself during the pandemic so i had right out of i was on a sabbatical in Maui and the pandemic hit and I was like and I was actually not technically on a sabbatical because I ended up working just as much as I did in San Francisco from because I was like oh it turns out I can work from anywhere. This is a good no like this is a good like learning and then the pandemic hit and I was like oh I don't want to be in Maui for the pandemic because I want to be in the action so like if one of my friends invited me to quarantine with him it was a guy at a crush on and I was like really at the I think I would I would actually describe myself as somebody who was like pretty desperate for love at the time because I had had a pretty bad breakup the year before and I was really wanting a boyfriend again. And so I ended up getting into this, you know, quarantine situation with this guy, which ended up being pretty hilarious, the whole experience, but like kind of backfired on me of just a tad. So I ended up leaving and then I met another guy and within like a week. As I told this guy, I was like, well, this isn't working out. Just to you know, I'm going to have a boyfriend within a week.

And like, I was like, it'll be like that. And like literally within a week, I like had a new boyfriend. But then I like that relationship ended in, you know, let's see here. It was like June through December. And I had to look in the mirror and be like, why am I trying to be in a relationship right now when I'm repeating these same patterns over and over again? Why am I trying to find happiness outside of myself? Like, why am I thinking that it's somehow going to be found in some perfect relationship? Like, what is wrong with this picture? Because this keeps on being a pattern. And so I said, you know what? I guess 2021 is going to be about me. I think it's going to be about working on my own self-love because clearly this is an area I need to work on because I keep in having these relationship patterns over and over again. And I don't think I've really concernedly given this a real try. And so I spent 2021 really being like not intentionally dating. I was intentionally not dating.

I was like, this is going to be time for me to get to know me and to work on my relationship with who I am and why I'm. I'm, you know, why I am the way I am. And it was like definitely a lot of internal family systems work. And, you know, stuff that I had started in 2020, but I really needed to continue into 2021. And it was a lot of like just being okay with being with myself and being like just really working, kind of like, Sean Schapier has this book called Good Morning. I love you. And it was like really working on the voice that was the way that I talked to myself. So it was like, I had noticed that there was this pattern in kind of a self flagellation type unkindness towards me that was like,

you have to do this, you have to do that. And if you don't do this, you know, you're not going to be that. And it was always this like voice. And I still struggle with this, by the way. It's not like it went away completely. And it definitely is still an issue. It's not like I perfectly figured this all out. But there is definitely far more days where I look in the mirror and I like myself and I like

who I am and the voice inside my head is like, I love you, Molly. I actually love you. I'm here for you. I have your back. You're okay. Like, you're safe. You know, this is like everything's going to work out. And, um, and I, I just like really started trying to change that internal voice and like started noticing how I was I talking to myself. And what was I saying to myself? And what was that voice really, really, really reflecting? And what need wasn't being met? You know, like where could I actually service my, my own personal needs without having to try to. seek it outside of myself.

And it was really kind of a profound transformation for me because I was like started. It was probably August of 2021 when I started being like, oh, so this is what it's like to wake up and not be so mean to myself, you know, and not be so hard of myself and not be so unkind to myself. And I still fall back into patterns of not enough and you need to do more and like, you've got these deadlines. and it's like there's always a manager that's kind of like still trying to manage everything. But there's far less of the, um, there's just like far, I have like far less of a problem with

emotional eating, like far less of a problem with like, like, it's really strange. Like I actually have found that like I know when like it's really interesting like emotional eating for me in the past was like a major issue, like major, major, major problem for a lot of my life. And since working on the inner voice and the inner self-love stuff, it's become easy. and easier and easier, just like not to reach for the cookie because I need to pacify my sadness. It's like actually like, oh, I want to just nourish my body. I like want to make myself feel good.

Like I want to give myself the food that makes me feel good. And so that's been a pretty surprising discovery. And yeah, I mean, I really do wish that there was better literature on this topic. And I actually even looked on PubMed specifically for self-love research. I have not found it. it. Like, it doesn't, as far as I can tell, there's not very much of it. Kristen Neff, who's in, uh, in Austin. She's written a little bit about this topic. And she's kind of accumulated some good stuff. She's been on here before.

Uh, happy to introduce you if you're in Austin. You want to catch up with somebody and make a new friend. Awesome. What, what, just one question off of that. I think that's so much of health and life and love and really everything comes down to awareness and awareness of ourselves. And awareness of ourselves. awareness of we need. What are one, maybe two things? What are some early signs that you would be looking for in your life? Patterns, habits, whatever, addictions that would show up that are an indication that whether you're not noticing right now, you are about to be hard on yourself or you're like you're creating the environment for you to be hard or like very critical on yourself.

Like what are early things that you're looking for that you're putting yourself in that state? Is that makes it make any sense? Yeah. I mean, I think that the first one is like, you know, it's always that the first thing you have to ask yourself is like, is who's actually operating in this moment? Is it my highest self? Is it my traumatized self? Is it the firefighter that's trying to put out any of the feelings that I want to feel, the numbing self, the self that reaches for the ice cream and the cookie to make themselves feel. better or is it the manager who's just trying to like control things you know like yesterday i was like

full on manager and it was like awful because i was just like trying to manage everything and i was like if all these things to do and i was like kind of mean to my friend because i was like look i i'm just like i i really need my space and i was just like you just have to yourself who are you behave who are you acting like you know like is this your highest self right now and if not then you have to ask yourself like are there any habitual behaviors in my life that are that i'm trying to seek dopamine for in order to not feel what I want to feel or to pacify some sort of need that's not being met. So like almost everybody is reaching for dopamine when they shouldn't be. Like we're looking on our social media too much. We're looking on Twitter too much. We're like we're like reaching for

junk food when we shouldn't be. We're like snacking when we're not even hungry. We're, you know, and frankly, a lot of people are seeking drugs when they really shouldn't be. You know, like a lot of people are struggling with addiction. And, and some people, you're even, struggle with like, you know, just having promiscuous sex because they're just like they, they just want to feel connection because they feel so disconnected. And so it's really just asking yourself, like, what am I running away from? You know? And what habits and behaviors are, am I engaging with that are like, are distracting me from my purpose, distracting me from my, from like my highest good, distracting me from actually doing something in my life that's meaningful. And, um,

honestly, this is like, this is like a, this is the human. and condition, you know? Like, we are programmed to seek dopamine as much as we can because like, you know, thirst and hunger and sex are like big drivers of perpetuating the species, survival and reproduction, right? So we have these drives, these motivational drives, specifically because they would keep us alive and they would increase the chances of us reproducing the species. So we actually need dopamine. We wouldn't be seeking so much of it if it wasn't so important. But the problem is that society is hijacking. us constantly, right? So like these, these advertisements and social media and the news is putting

us in a, in like sort of an artificial state of way too much threat. And then we're constantly seeking to hit the dopamine switch to pacify that feeling of fear. And we just, we really need to get past it all. And so I really just recommend that people spend far more time, you know, in the present, not like spend more time just like being in the present, meditate. You know, and spend more time in nature. Spend more time just like having lunch with a friend where nobody's phone is on and just being completely, you know, interacting with them. And spend more time with yourself doing things that nourish you, like exercise and cooking and like, you know, hobbies. How many people don't have hobbies?

How many people forgot about like travel, you know, like enjoying your existence and not constantly trying to run away from it or like, or like, you know, sink yourself into things that are distractions, you know? Like just being present and seeking presence is really the key to really living, like being alive. And that's really something that I'm constantly seeking. I love it. And the access for so many of that for people, especially new things, is just maybe another friend that you get a chance to do that with. It's a lot more fun. We have a friend, a community, you explore a topic, a new venture, travel, whatever it might be. It's a lot less fun when you're doing things on your own.

Not that it's not okay to do things on your own. There are plenty of things that are better on your own, but it's a lot more fun when you do it with other people. Molly, this has been great. Any other things, before you wrap up here and I let you get on with your busy day, anything else that you want to get a chance to talk about with our audience. Yeah, a few things I just need to, like, promote because I'm doing stuff in the world. First is I'm the spokesperson of Neurohacker Qualia Skin, and I am obsessed with the, this product. I actually, it's funny because I always preface it that the company had to literally convince, like they really had to push me to get involved because I for many months was like,

no, no, no, no, I do not have time to do this stuff. But then they sent me their products and I finally started taking them. And I was like, fine, I'll just try the stuff and see if it works. And I was like, wait, this stuff is amazing. And like, it actually is one of the few supplements that there is real research behind on truly increasing attractiveness. So carotenoids are known to increase appearance. They actually improve the way people look to the opposite sex, and they actually improve the way people smell to the opposite sex, which is fascinating.

So actually, I had these lecture slides in my Stanford course, and then this company comes along, and they're like, we think you'd be a great spokesperson. And I was like, well, I'll try it, but I'm probably too busy to do this. But I never thought I would actually promote a product until I was like, wait, this stuff is amazing. I'm also a really big fan of this company called NPR3. And they're going to be coming to America soon, but it's like the highest grade,

pharmaceutical grades, fish oil in the world. Not affiliated with them yet, working on that. But they are phenomenal. And you can sign them to be on their waiting list on the website. And then I'm going to be launching an online course called The Health Span Plan. And that's going to come out in probably the next month or so. And if you come to my Instagram at Dr.Molly.com at dr.molli.com, you can sign up, using the magically link in my, link in my bio, there's a link to the health span plan signup page.

And then let's see here. I'm also writing a book called The Spark Factor that's going to be published by Harper Wave in 2023, which is very exciting. And it's all about how to extend the number of healthy years of living, how to biohack bio-energetic capacity. It's all about how to biohack female health specifically because women are not the same as men. And so we need different advice. And so I'm really writing this book specifically for women.

but men can read it too. It's going to be useful for both. And then I am running the company. I'm the founder and CEO of the company, Adamo, Bioscience. And you can go to our website. And we're basically pioneering pro-social behaviors, pro-social science. And we're funding, you know, we're funding cutting-edge research on love and the neurology of love and safety and social connection.

And then we're also going to be developing a variety of products and services that can help people create deeper connection in their life. and more positive energy. And ideally, you know, deeper connections and more positive energy should help individuals live longer lives and healthier lives and happier lives. And so that's really what I'm all about these days. So that's a lot of things I'm working on. I'm pretty busy lady.

But, you know, I think it's really just a testament to really living, I try to live the example. And the more that I optimize my health and use first principles in science to make myself as healthier as possible, the more I can do. And I want to teach other women and men that they can do. do more with their lives as well. I love it. It's a beautiful mission. I appreciate you coming on the podcast to talk about it all with us. And when the book is out, you'll be on your tour. We'd love to have conversation in L.A. at the studio. I always find, you know, remote is beautiful because otherwise we wouldn't be able to do this. You're in Norway. I'm over here in L.A. But there's something about

being in person where, you know, sometimes I get so excited about what somebody's saying that you naturally want to interrupt them and say like, oh my gosh, like that reminds me of this or that or whatever. And it's a lot easier and a lot more eloquent to interrupt somebody in person than when you're doing it remotely. It's like, oh, I don't want to like interrupt their trade of thought. And they're like on this like, you know, they're sharing. And so I look forward to our next conversation in person where we get to chat all about your book. Thank you. I can't want to be back.