Dhru Purohit Show - How to Build Unshakable Confidence and The Power of Pivoting to Accomplish Your Dreams with David Nurse

Episode Date: August 4, 2022

This episode is brought to you by InsideTracker and Paleovalley. We create our own realities—it’s all in how we think about life. Do you ever notice how a growth mindset leads to opportunity and success, but a poverty mindset leaves you with nothing but wants and often spirals downward into an ongoing funk? We have to use our physical state to change our mental state, and vice versa. There’s a feedback loop between our bodies and brains, which is why mindset and behavior are so powerful for creating the reality we desire. Today on The Dhru Purohit Podcast, Dhru sits down with David Nurse to talk about how to build unshakable confidence and the power of pivoting to accomplish your dreams.  David Nurse is a bestselling author, speaker, and coach to NBA players. As a former professional basketball player, David’s ability to get into the zone and master his mindset led him to two Guinness World Records for shooting. Today, CEOs and professional athletes hire David for his award-winning strategies and infectious positivity. His two books, Pivot & Go and Breakthrough, have helped thousands develop confidence and find success, and the books’ teachings are also at the very core of his virtual coaching business, online workshops, and corporate speaking. In this episode, we dive into:   -What steals people's confidence (1:51) -David’s story and how pivoting was a theme he learned how to embrace (15:06) -Overcoming roadblocks (26:58) -How to know when to stick with or quit something (29:53) -The fear of the unknown (35:01) -Dhru’s gratitude workshop (40:01) -David’s joy-list exercise (47:31) -The power of visualization (50:48) -What gets in the way of our ability to believe (59:05) -How to cultivate self-awareness (1:01:08)   For more on David Nurse, follow him on Instagram @davidnursenba, Facebook @davidnursenba, Twitter @davidnursenba, YouTube @davidnursenba, and through his website, davidnurse.com. This episode is brought to you by InsideTracker and Paleovalley. InsideTracker provides detailed nutrition and lifestyle guidance based on your individual needs. Right now, they’re offering my podcast community 20% off. Just go to insidetracker.com/DHRU to get your discount and try it out for yourself. Paleovalley is offering my listeners 15% off their entire first order. Just go to paleovalley.com/dhru to check out all their clean Paleo products and take advantage of this deal. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I think that's something that is so missed. They don't review what they've done. They're just kind of doing, doing, doing, doing, doing. And then you wake up 20 years later, like, what just happened? Welcome to the Drew Prod podcast. Each week we explore the inner workings of the brain and the body with one of the brightest minds and wellness, medicine, and mindset. This week's guest is David Nurse.

David Nurse is a best-selling author, speaker, and coach to NBA players. On today's podcast, David talks about how to build unshaping. capable confidence and the power of pivoting to accomplish your wildest goals and dreams in life. Now, a little bit more about David. In total, David has worked with over 150 NBA players whose contracts earnings amount to over $3.2 billion. And on top of that, he's had two Guinness World Records for shooting, which is pretty wild in itself.

Now, on today's podcast, David is going to share some of the top practices that he teaches. teaches NBA players and executives alike to not only help them stay in the zone, but also to achieve their wildest dreams and goals in life. It's a fascinating conversation. Stay tuned. David, pleasure to have you on the show. Welcome to the studio. I'm excited to jump right in. I was chatting with you a little bit about what do we want to start off with, and I had the perfect thing that I think that a lot of people struggle with. And that's this idea that you've written about so often in your books, and that's confidence. not only how do we get it, but also what eats away or steals our confidence?

Because I think when I look at a lot of young kids, they grow up and sure, some people are a little bit more shy, but kids have this innate confidence, as long as they had good parenting growing up, and then something shifts along the way. So I'd love to ask you, can you give us a couple things right off the top that you think that eats away or steals people's confidence in life? Absolutely. So the number one thing that I've seen steal people's confidence is the results. So let's take it, for example, of NBA players.

That's kind of my background is working with NBA players. If they see their stats and results, they aren't scoring as many points or they aren't making as many shots or you're not getting as good of grades on your test scores and you see the results are going down and down and down. That is the biggest thing that steals people's results because they tie their confidence. and their self-worth to the results instead of tying their self-worth to their self-awareness of who they are. And when these players and when people and kids can understand that they aren't what the results are, but they are who they are on their core, on the inside,

and the results are just a byproduct of the system, the person that they are and the process, their daily habits, that's when unshakable confidence develops. So I can tell you a quick story about this, a player that I worked with a good friend of mine, Jeremy Lynn. He went through this time called Lynn Sanity. So if you haven't seen it, look it up. It's one of the craziest times in sports. And he was absolutely killing. He was going for 30-point games, game winners, everything came out of complete obscurity for the New York Knicks. And he was at the top of the top, the mountain top of the NBA. And everybody's saying, this guy is going to take over the league. He was Times Magazine, GQ, all of this.

But instead of just really appreciating that moment and being confident in who he was, he was worrying about the what ifs. Like, what if I can't keep this up? What if I don't keep this pace up? And that's the biggest thing that really eats away at us. When we have results, we feel like that's what we're defined by. We have to continue to hit these. And it is the what ifs, what ifs?

So one of the biggest breakthroughs that I've seen in his career is understanding that he stands for so much more than basketball, stands for so much more than results. He stands for his faith in Jesus, his Taiwanese people, and standing up for using his basketball as a platform instead of a definition of who he is. So when people start thinking they're defined by the results, that's the biggest thing that takes away their confidence. Self-awareness and understanding who you are at the core is the most important thing that will keep the unshakable confidence. It seems like two themes that I want to extrapolate for our audience who either may not be into sports or has never played basketball. It doesn't know too much about it.

But it all relates to one another. The first thing is the sense of knowing who you are. And I think that goes into great, maybe knowing your beliefs, knowing what you stand for. But it's also knowing that you're doing the daily work, right? In sports, you know, I've never played basketball besides just like pick up games and that sort of thing. but you're putting in the reps and even if you are behind on the scoreboard you're like, look, I'm doing the work to get better. And so I think people who are listening today and they're just daily life is that something

may not be working out. They may not have gotten the job that they were going for. They may have had a relationship that ended. There could have been some sort of family tragedy or something that took a turn in their life. But if they're working on the fundamentals in their life that are the baseline, then that also gives you confidence because no matter how yesterday went, you're still putting in the work today. And the other theme that I think comes out of there is this idea of like, I'm curious about your take on it is the story that we tell ourselves based on the results.

So because this thing is not working out, I'm not good enough, smart enough. What are some of the stories that you've seen people, including yourself? Tell yourself when the results are not working out. This episode is brought to you by Inside Tracker. You know, in my opinion, I think technology can be a critical part in a solution to helping us figure out what foods are best suited for our own unique genetic makeup. That's why I was super excited when I heard about InsideTracker. Tracker. Inside Tracker helps take the guesswork out of living optimally and creates a nutrition,

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So I love taking turmeric complex from Paleo Valley. It contains organic whole food. food turmeric so you can get the synergistic effects of all its compounds. Tumric complex also contains coconut oil and black pepper, which have been shown to improve the absorption of those active compounds by get this 2,000 percent. Plus, it includes other natural anti-inflammatories like organic ginger, rosemary, and close. This is why I love the fact that turmeric complex by Paleo Valley is sponsoring today's

episode. Right now, Paleo Valley is offering my listeners 15% off at paleovalley.com slash Drew. That's Paleo Valley, P-A-L-E-O-V-A-L-L-E-Y dot com slash Drew, D-H-R-U. Check it out today. That is the natural inclination for us. We live in a self-doubt. We have 50,000 self-talk thoughts daily. I know your audience probably knows this. 80% of those are negative. So every morning when you wake up, you get that choice of who you are going to live in. And the stories that we tell ourselves are who we become. It's the neuroplasticity in our brain. We're able to convince ourselves. It's also, on the good end, like, if I tell myself the story of I'm going to be this great speaker, great author, a great NBA player, that's what I'm taking

steps forward to. But it's also, all right, it could be a bad end. That's where pathological a lot of come into play because they keep telling themselves these lies. So the stories we tell ourselves, you could say their goals. I like to have my players that I work with set just massive, incredible, big goals because that's who they want to live in. If you're just going day to day, and if you're just going from one thing to the next, it's you start getting in this hamster wheel and it's tough to know what you're striving for. So, like, for example, I'll give you another example of story of a player that I worked with Domates Sabonis.

It's 2018. He's coming off of the bench. So he's not like a big-time player in the NBA. And he comes out to Santa Monica and we start working. I just ask him, who does he want to be? What are his goals for the NBA? He says he wants to be great. Now, a lot of people will say that, but that's very vague.

So, like, okay, let's be specific with this because we have to have to have to have to be great. have something that we're striving for. We have to have a story that you're telling yourself every morning. So he says, okay, all right, I want to be an all-star. When do you want to be an all-star? When do you want to be an all-star? It's a bold move. Two years from coming off the bench to be an NBA all-stars, big for an NBA player. 2020. All right, where's the game at? It was in Chicago, Illinois that year. What's the date? February 18th. What times tip-off? 7.30 p.m. So we got very specific with it. Put it in his iPhone.

So every time you click your iPhone, Americans touch their phone 2,137 times a day. So he's going to see this. So subconsciously it's building into his mind that this is the person he is living into. So he's convincing himself into this. He also knows that everything he's doing on a daily basis, the system, like we talked about self-awareness confidence of who he is, the process, the habit. the showing up at 6 in the morning to the gym when he doesn't really feel like it is taking a step towards who he wants to become. Because if we don't have this goal, if we don't have this vision

of who we want to be, what's the point putting in these daily grind if you want to call it? Because we don't see those results from it. But he knew, as you touched on earlier, the greatest confidence comes through preparation. That is the greatest confidence. I step on stage and speak. If I don't feel like I've prepared enough, I'm not as confident. But if I feel like I've prepared a ton, I know that I can smoothly crush that talk. Or just like if someone takes the SAT or the ACT, if you walked into that room and you took the test 2,000 times before, you're going to walk in they're very confident. So the preparation. So Sabonis sees these goals daily, knows he's working towards this daily system, who he is, process. That's what equals results. 2020 comes in,

right before the world shut down, February 18th, 7.30 p.m., Chicago, Illinois, Subonis is an all-star. Now, I'm not saying like, hey, you're always going to hit that, but you know that vision that you want to become, the vision of who you're going to be. So also, in the same breath, is your future self is dictated by the actions that you take today. So if I'm sitting here and I'm just letting things happen to me, letting the world come to me, or if I am saying I'm going to be a, say, New York Times bestseller, speak in front of 100,000 people in an audience, I've got to be doing something that I know each day I'm pouring into that it's going to give me a step closer to that. Physically doing it, but also mentally in my mind. So on my fridge, I have a picture of myself cut out my face, cut out, put on a guy speaking into a massive audience, 100,000,

thousand people. I have my name at the top of the New York Times bestseller list. So I see that every day. I'm not necessarily sitting there and just looking at it and studying it, but I know that's the vision. That's the story that I'm telling myself. I'm not telling myself, well, like, why should I do it? Like, well, seeing these people, these bestsellers and stuff, that's for them. No, it's the whole mindset shift of why me? Like, why me? Like to why not me? Somebody's got to do it. It can be me. It can be you. It can be everybody to listen to this. You have to be able to shift that mindset of, hey, here's my goals. Here's my vision. Here's who I am. Not this negative thing that the world is telling me that you can't do it. Shift it to the why not me. You know, in your first

book, Pivot and Go, right? That was the first book. There's also a pretty profound story about what happens when you have been focusing on your goals. It's all aspects of your life. And sometimes things don't work out. And how do we shift? So tell a little bit of your story and this idea of how pivoting was a theme that you learned how to embrace in your life for the times when our goals are not headed in the right direction, but take a different transformation. Yeah. So just to preface, goals are just mile markers, having a vision and being on a mission to serve others. That's what you want to be in using that platform to do so. So my whole life was based on playing in the NBA. And I grew up in a small cornfield town of Iowa. And like I'm not that athletic. My vertical leaps probably about

three inches, give or take. But I wanted to play in the NBA. My parents supported that. They should have said play tennis or golf, something on those lines. So I poured every waking hour I could into playing in the NBA. And I grinded my way to play college basketball. And I'm playing professionally overseas. And It sounds cool to say professional overseas, but if I'm being honest, it's more like the Will Ferrell semi-pro league, if you've seen that movie, kind of more like a joke of a league where players are more concerned about where the party is drinking beers at halftime than they are the actual basketball. But I'm putting in these two days film study. I'm in a second division league in Spain and northern Spain in the Basque region. I'm still thinking I'm playing in the NBA,

far from it. And I get cut from this team. So think about all of your hopes and goals and dreams taken away from you, turned upside down, your face rubbed into dirt. I go home and I'm living my parents recliner chair in Kansas City at the time, feeling bad for myself, about six months, licking my wounds. And my mom said this, she'd always say these motivational and inspirational quotes, and I would never listen to her, whatever mom in one ear out the other, out the other ear. She said this one when she was doing dishes, and I was kicked back in the chair. She said, David, when one door closes, four open, and an entire beachfront patio overlooking the ocean. And it caught me off guard because I always thought it was one door, one door.

But what she was saying is that everything I'd poured into my life that I thought was gone and taken away, playing in the NBA, was actually preparing me for something better. That door closed to open an opportunity to coach in the NBA, to use my gifts, the IQ of basketball to be able to help others who had more God-given ability, athleticism to get to the NBA. So instead of looking at your situation when you get fired or it doesn't work out as, okay, I just wasted four years of my life doing this. No, it prepared you for something better to come. It's not that everything is, okay, now I have to start fresh and new.

This is God's way of showing you, hey, there's something more. And so that's how I really understood like, okay, this is my life pivot. And I think life is like a long hallway. So think about vision yourself walking down a long hallway. There's doors on each side of this hallway. You walk in this door, you learn something. You check it out. Okay, you learn here.

All right. Then you're on to the next. Walk down the hallway some more into the next door. And you're continuing to learn and continuing to grow and leading you to what you're ultimately made to do. So for me, I thought it was coaching in the NBA. So that's all I wanted to do. I changed my mission. I didn't have any contacts or anybody in the NBA to be able to get into the coach.

So I hand wrote a letter to every NBA GM. Didn't get anything back for a month and a half. And got a phone call from a 310 area code number, Los Angeles, who's the general manager for the Los Angeles Clippers, Gary Sachs. We just had a normal conversation pretty quick. and he said, if you're ever out in L.A., look me up, we'll grab coffee. Most people take that as good luck with the rest of your life. But I took it as an opportunity.

And I spent all my money on a plane ticket, stole some of my parents' money so I could be out in L.A. that following week, acting like I had a basketball camp. I didn't want to put that pressure on him. And we have a meeting. We hit it off. Great meeting. Every NBA connection has came from that, from Gary Sacks, introducing me to head coaches throughout the league general managers.

I end up living with Gary when I moved out to L.A. becomes one of my closest friends. He's in my wedding and everything because I was willing to take that shot. So that's another lesson in there as well of take those chances because you don't know where they're going to lead. It's really a lose, lose. Sorry, it's a no lose. It's a win-win situation that we're living in.

If I would have not gotten anything back, I'd have been in the same exact spot. but too many people aren't willing to pick up the phone or write a letter or do something different to stand out to be able to go to that spot coaching in the NBA or wherever their dreams might might go. If I could jump in with one item. Absolutely. Yeah. You know, to me to kind of tie this back to what we are opening with is that there was a former

guest in this podcast, a Dr. Joan Rosenberg, really incredible human being. And she has this quote and she says, confidence is no one. that even if things don't work out, you're going to be okay. And this idea that sometimes we have big goals in our life, sometimes we have things that we want to pursue, sometimes they're in our control, sometimes they're not in our control, that we don't end up achieving them or getting close to them or we don't feel like we're on the path to them. And when we know our core talents, when we know our core center, it can be that the next

version of that is the evolution of whatever life wants to take us towards. Like, we're going to be okay regardless of even if it doesn't work out in our limited definition of what working out looks like. It's a great point, a limited definition of working out. It could be something even greater than we imagine. Like, just to go back to your first, you know, one of your goals that you have on your refrigerator, right? Yep. New York Times bestseller.

Let's say in your life, right? You'd never become a New York Times number one bestseller, whatever the version of the goal is, right? Not to put that in the universe, but just for the purposes of the conversation. Let's say that never happens, right? Something tells me you're still going to be okay, not even okay. You're going to be thriving because just even you shooting for that, having your podcast, writing these books, making an impact because that's like an arbitrary thing that's out there. And great, sometimes arbitrary things are nice.

Sometimes we have a goal for money, status, whatever it might be because it symbolizes something greater. And just when we were chit chatting a little bit before the interview started rolling, you were like, how do I make a difference in like the lives of kids and middle school students and things like that and reach those, you're going to figure it out one way or another. However you hack your way to get there, you're going to figure it out. That's the way I see it. Do you see it that way? Totally. I think that's the fun of life, isn't it? Like, it's just, we live in a world where we literally can create anything. There's people have careers on YouTube shooting videos or making money doing

TikTok. We're able to do, we're basically playing with house money in life if you look at it that way. One of the things that really helps me, it's kind of morbid to think about this, but like, 100 years from now, nobody's going to remember who we are. Like, very few people remember, know people 100 years ago. I don't know my great grandparents. Maybe it's a few presidents, a few big actors, but it also is really freeing that the pressure isn't on us. We don't have to necessarily, like, think, okay, well, I need all this people in the world to see me. If nobody reads my books, if one person reads the books, I'm going to be totally okay. Because I know inside when we talk about who you are, your self-awareness, your understanding,

I know I have God and I know I have my smoking hot wife. I don't really need anything else. I'm good. So it's, I think it takes a lot of pressure off, you knowing that you don't, like, you don't have to be someone that people remember 100 years from now. And it goes both ways. It's kind of like, if you are just a grain of sand on one little beach in the state, in the world and everything, you're just one tiny little grain of sand, be the best grain of sand that you can be.

If you're one drop in the ocean, be that best drop in the ocean that you can be, because if it doesn't matter, why not go for it full out? Why not, right? What do you have to lose? And I know people don't always want to hear that. Like, oh, well, it's easy to say, okay, just do the best you can in the spot that you are, be where your feet are. Yeah, it sounds like everybody says that's repetitive, it's cheesy, but you know those people that you're around and they're actually like that? And they're just infectious with energy and joy in their life. Like you walk out of those meetings and out of those rooms. Like I want to be that person.

I remember if anybody knows, this college football, this guy's Davosweeney is the coach. And he's one of the best college football coaches. They had this big time game. I was down there with our mutual friend John Gordon, who's friends with him. And one of the biggest games of the year. And we have breakfast with him. So instead of being like super stressed and you know if you've got a big meeting or a big talk coming up, you're probably going to be stressed about it, thinking about it, not having time for anybody else,

he is so fully in the conversation and just lost and asking questions to me. Doesn't even know me. First time I met him, but just, man, so much joy and it was just infectious. I walk out of the room. Like, that's the type of person I want to be like. that actually makes other people want to live a life of more true genuine joy. Can I come back to something that you said? And I want to push on it a little bit.

Sure. You said, what do you have to lose? Now, I think that if we would go back to you pursuing that dream of being in the MBA and you're working your heart out, put us in that sort of headspace then because you probably did feel at that time. Like, there's a lot to lose. if this goal doesn't work out, you were probably feeling like my whole freaking life. So, again, just take us to that stage because there was an evolution off of that. But I think sometimes

when people hear that, what do you have to lose? Well, we've all been in that situation where we genuinely feel like, fuck, I'm actually going to lose something right now. Right. So what were you afraid of losing? What did you put on a pedestal at that time thinking that if this didn't work out, it meant X, Y, and Z? So just entertain us a little bit. That's such a great question. So, yeah, I did feel that way. Like, I had to make it to the NBA coaching-wise. And I made these basketballs to do a shooting basketball. Okay, so I was sorry, just because I know your story really well.

That kind of came later. So take us back to when you're actually trying to make it into the NBA, right? Oh, we're going into the NBA. And you're playing overseas and other stuff. And you have this goal and you're like, before you get to your, you know, right before you get to your parents' couch, right after you get cut from the team in Spain. Oh, totally, man. Right?

So what did you feel like you had to lose at that time? My whole life. My identity was basketball. No, like everybody, all of my friendships, my relationships, everything came from the sport of basketball. I put myself as I'm a really great player. People looked at me like, you know how you tell people you're a little bit better than you actually are? I told people I was a lot better than I actually was. So my identity was based on, okay, can I make it to the next level? Can I have a career in playing professional basketball?

because that's all I've known and that's all that people know of me. So, yeah, there was a lot of pressure to make it that I put on myself. So you know there's a like quote that you see online sometimes. It says rock bottom was the foundation that I rebuilt my life on. Totally, man. So you hit rock bottom. What was it for you at the time? Obviously, of course, there was your mom's quote that you shared with us earlier.

But what was that perspective shift that said, you know, you still cared about all those things? Right. Basketball is still probably a big part of your life and your identity now. And I think that actually is one of the key words is identity. What got your identity to expand beyond this idea that your worth was only, you know, getting into the NBA or this very specific goal? Like, what expanded that identity? Well, I really think it is when you said rock bottom, when you actually feel that that you have nowhere else to go. And it's almost your back is up against. a wall. Like I started feeling that way. I started feeling really bad for myself. Friends when I was back home would ask like, dude, what's wrong? Like really feeling in a big time rut. And to be able to

get out of that, hey, this is changing my identity. It's not, I don't think there is a quick flip of the switch. I think it's just being around people, my mom being one, a few friends telling me like that's not all that you are showing you that your identity isn't just based in that. If you're only on your own, if I was just on my own, I probably would have been miserable, probably would have just given up. But having the people around you and everybody like talks about having a support group, it's really important to have a support group, but it's also important to have a challenge group too. So the people that will chat. I had a few friends that were in basketball and my coach from college that challenged me.

like, David, my college coach, he was telling me, he's like, I told you, you would be a coach. You weren't made to be a play. You weren't even that good. Like, he was challenging me. So I think we need to have, well, I know we need to have those type of people that will, yeah, support us. We need that type of encouragement, but we also need the people that will challenge us. Because if we only have yes men in our life or if we're only the American Idol singer who everybody says is so great, but you actually suck, like, what good is that doing you? So we were chatting about this a little bit beforehand. And I was showing, sharing with you that one of my favorite books is The Dip by Seth Godin.

And inside of that book, the core idea is, when do you know when to stick with your goals and when do you know when to quit? Why do you think that that's a tough thing for a lot of people to figure out in their own life? Could even be in a relationship. They're in a relationship. And they're not sure. Like, should I stick with this thing? Should I quit with this thing?

They're trying to take on a new habit. They're trying to eat healthier. They're trying to put attention to something. And quitting is actually okay. there's a lot of things in our life, just like you made the decision. Okay, yes, you got kicked out of the team, but you also said, I'm not going to go down this path. I'm going to go for another path. Why is it hard for people to know when to quit and when to stick? Great point. Two reasons. One, society has ingrained in us that quitting is a bad

thing. I mean, think about it. Most parents will say, you got to stick it out. You got to stick it out. You got to keep going. Or school like we were talking about and doctrines into us. You cannot quit. quit. So it's this word of quitting is failure. Quitting is associated with failure. But words are only what we are taught for them to mean. Like if I say, hey, you want to live a rich life, a lot of people out there will think different things. They're thinking, what's my bank account look like? Where am I taking these vacations to? But you might be thinking, okay, this is a rich life. If I'm going to spend time with my wife, with my kids, you get to decide what these words mean. So I think the first thing that we need to do with

this word quit is rewire it. Quit does not necessarily mean you failed. Failure. Another thing is another word we can rewire. It doesn't mean you necessarily failed. You make that decision. So quit can be, well, I learned all this stuff right here and I got out before I banged my head against the wall and kept banging my head against the wall. Like, you used to talk about in relationships, it's the it's the comfortability factor. That's the second point. We get so comfortable in something. That's why you see people stay in these toxic relationships and you can see your friends going down the wrong path and they can't see it because it's comforting. That's what they know. People know this. They know, okay, well, I'm in this job. Well, at least I have this job. You know, at least I have this

money that's coming in. At least I have this security. Security is a bunch of BS. You don't have any security. The greatest control is knowing that you don't have control. Like literally us sitting here right now, this building could blow up. We don't know. I mean, I know that's a really drastic to say. Earthquake. We can have a major earthquake. Exactly. We're not in that control. So why try to control every situation? Why try to go and it's cliche to say, hey, be on get out of your comfort zone, but it really is the true way. So two things there is is redefining what we're mean to you, quit, you can say, all right, well, that's just a different way, or I'm learning a different way. I'm learning what to do that wasn't working. And the comfortability factor of

if I stay in this, if I stay in the zone of minute right now, I'm never going to learn and grow. So when I talk to companies about going from good to great, that's been done. But sustaining greatness. It's one of the hardest things to do is sustain. greatness when you've already had the success, when you're already at the top, and I've dealt with a lot of NBA teams that have won championships, been around their coaches and their cultures. But one thing they do is even when they're at the top, they change. They change things up because they don't want to get stagnant. So even if you're successful right now, listen to this and you're like, man, I'm in a good spot. Oh, keep changing. Keep growing. Because I think the whole fun,

of this life that we have is it is a constant learning, a constant growing. I'm addicted to growth and learning. I'm never going to be at the point where, man, I made it. Let's say even if I hit the number one, like, all right, well, what else can we do? What else can, like, how else can you have impact? It's not, it's never, I just made it. Let me get comfortable in this one spot. You were talking about the unknown being so scary. Do you think also, again, tying it back to that original goal that you had because I think a lot of people can relate to that. They have a vision, they have something that they want to do. And sometimes the unlock in our life is the Joseph Campbell quote, letting go of the life that we thought we were supposed to live to live the life

that we were meant to live. Right. So going back to that original goal of being in the NBA and like this relentless pursuit and I've heard you tell the story multiple times, you know, going to this team and you know, playing in Europe and then and then feeling like, man, they're not taking it serious. and then, you know, and then they cut you and you're like, what? Like, you guys aren't even taking this seriously. You're going to cut me? Do you think that part of the reason that that relentlessness was there was also a little bit of you were afraid of the unknown? If I don't pursue this, then what do I do? Totally. Yes, 100%. I think that's the most scary thing for people is the unknown. Because if I was going to tell you, well, the day that you die, like, I know that's

sounds another morbid one again, but you wouldn't be as afraid of death if you know what it is. You'll probably live in a life a lot with more joy. You'll probably be on the beach in Hawaii or something, spending more time with your family because you know that end date, but death is scary because we don't know it. And failure is scary because we don't know what comes next. The unknown is the most fearful thing. So yeah, I feared the unknown because, hey, if I don't make it, then what am I going to be doing? Am I going to have to work construction? am I going to have to, am I not going to have a job? Am I going to be able to make any money?

And all these lies would come into my head and all these, this self-doubt. And like we talked about earlier, like those 40,000, 80% of our thoughts are self-doubt. And it's very, very important that people build in these type of habits to be able to erase these tools to be able to erase self-doubt. But yeah, fear of the unknown is the scariest thing that I think any of us. any of us deal with. What was, I hear you talk about gratitude a lot. How does that show up in your life? And how was that showing up in your life through the most challenging times that you were

going through? What's your take on gratitude and your own spin on it? Yeah. Gratitude is the staple for living a life of joy. And it's not a, it's not just like, hey, I'm going to go meditate and kind of gets a bad rap of like, oh, it's just, you know, gratitude, just throw it up in the air, throw it up in the sky. But it's a foundation builder. Because every time that I have been so concerned with myself, and I'm on a mission in a lot of

things, and I want to do, like, have great impact. But when I get so narrow-minded into that of like, wait, well, why aren't these books selling like they should or why aren't I getting as many talks or why isn't this hitting, that's the point where I get stressed out. I get down. I get beating myself up. But when I realize it's not about me and I'm able to say, all right, well, instead of thinking like, okay, what can I do for myself today? But actually, hey, what can I do for my wife? How can I love my wife a little bit more? How can I love my friends a little bit more? How can I be so grateful that I'm actually living in this world where I'm not worrying

about what, I'm not worrying about where do I get my next meal? I'm worried about am I going to eat at Air One or Whole Foods, like, where do I get my next meal? And just writing these little things out, I do it every single morning. I write out my daily joys, the joys from the day before. They could be the smallest little joy. It could be baking cookies with my wife or going for a walk in the sunshine, living in the marina where it's the same weather every day. And it's just reminders, you know, because we so often get caught up.

I get so often get caught up in what I have to do next, what's coming next, that we forget about these little things, these little joy. So coming back to that as a starting point for your day. And I think it is at the start of your day. That's when you like to do it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All of our days get really crazy. And I know it's so cliche to say the morning routine is really important, but there's a reason why people talk about. There's a reason why, quote unquote, successful people all have a

morning routine that they really make like a staple of their day. So gratitude to me is getting out of your own way, not always worrying about what you have, but going into a service mode. One of the best tools that I've used for myself is when I enter a room or I get on the computer and I'm about to do a zoom, I look at my hands, a visual cue looking at my hands and say the word serve. So it kicks my subconscious and my cueed into, okay, I'm going to serve the people in this room. I'm going to take the pressure off of myself. It feels a lot better when I'm not worried about who I have to meet, who I have to connect to, how am I going to look on camera? What if I mess up on stage and I say the wrong thing? It doesn't matter. How am I going to serve the people in that room?

And that, that to me is ultimate gratitude. There's this thing that I've been doing for years now. And then when my wife and I got together, got engaged and they got married, we made it a yearly ritual and I call it my gratitude hack workshop and we do it usually in December when we're when we're traveling it's her birthday usually around that time and what I find is that a lot of people will set a goal like around you know the new year's time and regardless of what people think about that goals intention whatever people tend to pay attention a little bit more at the start of a new year and when I was younger I would look around and I would find that when most of my friends were setting goals, their goals were coming from a place of, they were very inspirational, but the

subtext behind it was that they were often coming from a place of lack. It didn't mean that the goal was coming from a place of lack, but the intention behind the goal was like, okay, I'm not enough. Here's this next thing that I want to do, right? Totally. And one of the things that I found in my own life, because I definitely have played in the habit, is that, okay, let me do a little bit of a palette cleanse before I set a goal at any time of the year, I'm going to do a little bit of a palette cleanse. And that palette cleanse is going to be, I'm going to go back in the year, starting with the previous January, month by month, and I'm going to ask myself three questions. I'm going to go through each month with my calendar. I've been using Google calendar forever. So I have

my entire calendar. So I'd go to January. And I'd say, okay, these are the three questions, right? So I'd love to ask you the first question to kind of walk through as I'm going through the months. the first question is no matter how big or small what's something that I achieved or accomplished and again I'm asking about it in the month but let's put it for you for the month of January so no matter how big or small in the last week last couple weeks recent you know recent time period what's something meaningful to you that that you made progress on or that you accomplished that was tough right you still made progress on it even though it was tough anything come to mind for you Yeah, actually, yeah, I've booked a TEDx talk.

And I've been trying to get a TEDx talk for a long time. It is, I actually reached out to all the, like, a ton of the TEDx people that put them on. And one guy got back to me and booked a TEDx talk. And I'm going to try to do that for a long time. So that stands out to me. That's incredible, right? That's incredible. I can imagine not everybody getting back to you.

Maybe some people said no, whatever it is. Yeah. And that's got to feel good, right? Yeah. Okay. the next question. No matter how big or small, who's someone in your life that did something for you? Like, who are they and what did they do? My sister. My sister has four kids and she told me that she was going to, she's got a blog.

She's a minimalist blogger, a really good blog. That's amazing. What's the blog called? Let's give her a little shout out. Rich and what matters. Rich and what matters. It's really good. And she's a phenomenal writer. And she used to be an editor. And she said, hey, I'm going to stop doing this for two months. and I'm going to help you flow your next book and edit your book and just out of the kindness of our heart with four kids, all of them under, all of them under seven is going to take that time to do that for me. That's huge.

Shout out to your sister. What's her name? Julia of the game. Shout out to Julia. That's amazing. It is. Okay. Last one.

Last one. Last question. And as I'm asking these questions, I've written this all up. Everything we put the link in the show note. I'll explain a little bit of the methodology behind the questions, not to hijack the interview. just wanted to include into context. The last question is, no matter how big or small, who's someone that you did something for. Oh, wow, great question. This is probably bad when I can't think of this as quick as I can the other ones. And I have a theory about that too. Yeah, no, that's good.

That's good. Okay, all right. So I was just out at Las Vegas NBA Summer League. So this is where all the NBA teams come out to all the coaches, the young players. And there's a friend of mine who's kind of up and coming, younger guy. And I connected him with some other MBA front office people, some general managers. That was me back in the day. And some people helped me do that. So I did that for him to connect him to some people. That's huge, man.

You're paying it forward. Yeah, yeah. But it took me a little while to think of that, so they can't be back. Well, you know, that's the reason that that question is so. powerful is because we sometimes forget how much we do for other people. And I think the people that have big goals and dreams, and I know you're one of them, we're sometimes the hardest on ourselves. And we forget the things, the practice. You know, to me, just the same way that an NBA player would be like in the gym and he's making practice, you know, he's making progress or she's making

practice in. And WMBA, those are the reps that you're putting in. And you're like, look, even if I didn't do that well last season, I'm still putting in the work to get better. And when it comes to that in life, to me is, okay, yeah, maybe that book deal didn't work out. Or maybe you're not making as much progress on this thing that you want to do or that salary that you ask, the raise you asked for in your job, it didn't end up happening. But what are the foundational things that show you that you're still on the right track? And one of them is just even remembering, remembering what you do for other people. And when I do this exercise with my wife, when we go back in the year and do that, first of all, it takes like if you're really going to do it month by month and you go back and

look at your calendar and what was going on then, it can take like the entire year. It can be like three hours to go through. Right. And it doesn't have to be for the year. People could do that just on a weekly basis as a reflection. But it puts in that reminder. And what made me think about bringing it up today in our interview is that I was reading one of your quotes and you said, you know, gratitude is comparison. And, And when you compare in a good way, we often think of comparing as a bad way, when we not only compare our lives to other people in an intentional way, but we also compare our lives to our own life.

We compare our previous reality to what's going on right now. We create contrast. And in a way, gratitude is a meditation on contrast. You're using contrast for the fact that, okay, your nervous system may not think that you're helping somebody right now. But when you go back and you remember that you did this amazing thing for this guy, it all of a sudden brings those emotions and those feelings back in and probably lights up all these regions in the brain as well.

And now you're meditating on the fact that you have actually done something for people. So like the world is okay. Your nervous system is chill. And now you can go out and like go and crush and kill your goals. So that's my whole gratitude hack workshop. I am stealing that. That is that's phenomenal. Well, even in this the point of like reassessing what you have done.

like going back and reflecting. I think it's so important. At the end of each day, for five minutes at the end of each day, I'll review the day that I just had. And just to see those things, like, what did I do? Like, where do I need to focus the next day? I think that's something that is so missed with people. They don't review what they've done.

They're just kind of doing, doing, doing, doing. And then you wake up 20 years later, you're like, whoa, those 20 years went fast. What just happened? You don't even know, you know? Like to be able to do that, to review it and see those joys and see the impact that you've had, that's powerful. Think about where people listening to where you were five years ago. Hopefully you've grown a lot.

If I think about where I was five years ago, it's crazy how different my life is, how much better my life is too. But when we don't go back to see that, we don't see the growth that we've had. We feel bad about ourselves. Like, oh, I'm not getting anywhere because, yeah, that work comparison is so dynamic. I could look at Tony Robbins or people like that, like, well, why am I not there yet? But those type of people, they've been doing it for years and years and years. You can't envy somebody else's success unless you put the time in their shoes to walk through

those same type of steps that they have. But it also gives people, like, I think it gives, it should give people a lot of confidence and a lot of like excitement of, well, somebody's doing it. Like, I can follow in there. I can compare myself to them. I'm going to be a little different version. It's like a smoothie. We take all these ingredients.

I take an ingredient of you or Tony Robbins or Mr. Rogers and throw them all in this blender and put my own little spices and cacao nibs and granola on top. We're all an original smoothie blended of other people around us. So on a practical level, when you're reviewing back your day, right, is there any favorite place in your house or where you are? do it? Are you writing stuff down on paper? Are you looking at your calendar? Like, walk us through that. Yep, yep. It's writing it down on paper. I have a journal. I have a journal that tons of pages and it actually goes two years back. So I'm using that one every single day at the start of the day

and the finish of the day. Me and my wife, we have a closing time. So we'll tell each other at the start of the day, when are we shutting it down? So we are both on the same page communicating. Like, okay, is it 6 p.m. tonight? Is it 5 p.m. tonight? Because the worst thing is when we get in this, like we don't communicate on that, and then it's 7 o'clock, and she thinks I'm going to be all into being focused on her, and I'm actually going through text or emails right now, and I'm just, like, I'm not present. That's the worst thing to actually be together, but not present. So, yeah, my journal, I have a table with my favorite chair and a heating pad. It sounds weird, but it's my heating pad I use in the morning and in the evening.

And it doesn't even really get that cold, but it does in our apartment because my wife freezes it out. So I use my heating pad and it's overlooking the water. I've got this beautiful view overlooking the marina out here in the west side of Los Angeles. And that's my spot. So I have my go-to spot, my go-to journal, and I'm actively writing it out. And when you're writing in it, are you looking for certain themes? Like, for example, are you highlighting what went grateful in the day? but are you also looking for like where there was friction or where you weren't happy with something?

Yep, both, both. So I have two columns, life and business. So it's the personal and business. And I'll write out the things that went well in life and that day, things that went well in business that day. I work, mission. And I also write the things that didn't go well. Was there a time that I was quick with my wife? Was a time when I was just frustrated?

Was there, did there something, is nothing really working on the business front? and I feel like I got nothing done today. And I'll write both of them down. So here's the powerful mindset tool for this. Write both of them down. And then I'll cross out, literally put a line through the negative parts. So I'm accepting the negative. I'm showing that it's true.

Like I think positivity is so important. But you have to be able to accept and appreciate the negative too for. be able to appreciate a positive. You can't just slap a positive band-aid on everything and say, oh, well, everything's okay because then you're just suppressing everything. So I write out the negative and then I put a line through it. I don't have to take that into the next day. I've accepted it. So when I look back on this journal, when I have pages and pages and pages, I'll have the positives, which don't have a line through it, and then the negatives have a line through it. So I see, okay, this happened, but I put it in the past. What is in the past? I have a

All you can do is learn from the past. You can't take the past into the next. You can't let it go into the next day with you. You accept the past, appreciate the present, anticipate the future. So that's my kind of tool, mindset tool to be able to do that. Now, visualization is a powerful tool that you use with a lot of your athletes that you coach. How do you use it in your own life, right? So you have prompts and different cues around you for your goal setting.

Do you ever do visualization like getting ready for? speech. Well, actually, let me not chime in. Let me just ask you how you use it. For sure, for speeches, that's the biggest one that I use it. For even for like a podcast like this, I visualized what the setup would look like. I didn't know it would be this cool of a setup with this background that we had, but I visualized us going through this conversation. And at the end of it, given a big bro hug. So hopefully we give a big bro hug at the end. But I see, but for talks even more in depth, like I'll visualize. I have my, what I call my personal highlight reel. I have some different clips in my mind from the speaking engagements that I

gave. Now, it's not necessarily me watching back the video. I'm watching it from my perspective. I'm seeing myself when I walked on stage for my very first big keynote talk from up above. I'm seeing myself walk on stage and then literally felt like three minutes that was getting a round applause and I was off stage, even though it was an hour long talk. So I know that feeling, that feeling of how good it feels. So I'm trying to not just see it. I'm trying to, I'm bringing in exactly the drink that I had. This is not a plug, but element is a drink. Like I was drinking that on stage. So I'm tasting that. I'm trying to bring every type of feeling, taste, smell into this type of visualization work. And then I'm seeing that for the talk that I'm about to give, I'm watching it play out.

I'm watching to play out how I'm doing it, where I'm going on stage, where my inflection points are, people cheering, laughing. So I'm really trying to play as much out and simulate it as possible. But the other thing that I do, which has helped me a ton, I stole this from Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant's mental coaches, they would always watch the game the way they wanted to go. And then if something bad happens, if a storm happens in the game, how do they overcome it? So I'll watch my talk of, okay, well, man, I forgot that whole line, that slide. So this means just to clarify, you're going back and you're watching the talk that you gave? No, so I'm, so I visualized in two ways. Okay, got it.

The way that I wanted to go. And then when something, a storm happens in it, how do I overcome that? Okay. Because then I see, okay, well, I've overcame it. Like, if something bad happens, I'm not going to be caught off guard. I've already gone through this. Like you forgot what you're going to say next and you're visualizing it and you're visualizing yourself addressing that or doing something smooth to sort of make it a joke or part of the thing.

Exactly. And those are the two visualization keys that I use when I'm preparing for something really big and that I have my NBA players use when they go into each game. So they're ready for any situation. So instead of being, the main point of this is that part is being proactive instead of reactive. Instead of reacting to the situation, you've already played the situation. You know how to overcome it and that you've already overcame it. When I was young and I was dropped at a school to start my first business, dropped out of college, I would lay on the floor and I started this, my first company where I was like designing websites, like literally for like mom and pop stores and stuff. And that kind of graduated up. And then I started,

I grew up in Delaware. I started doing stuff for like banks. There's a lot of banks in Delaware that, you know, went from there. I hired a team, hired my two best friends. Like, you know, it kind of grew from there further. And before big meetings, because I was. So at the time, the thing that I was hearing from all the well-intentioned people around me was that if you don't have a degree, right? So I'm turning 40 this year. So when I dropped out of school, that would have been 2002, 2003, somewhere right around there. Sophomore year, going to junior year of college.

And everybody around me saying, like, if you don't have a degree, nobody's going to take you seriously, right? How are you even going to get into these meetings and stuff like that? I came from a family of doctors, engineers, lawyers, other stuff. They're not a lot of entrepreneurs. Yeah. Right. So they didn't really know how necessarily that world work.

And I can remember sitting down, laying on the floor, visualizing me kind of going in this meeting, this pitch with the CEO or some VP that I'm talking to, knowing my stuff, calmly and gently sort of explaining like why I think this project will work or how to do it differently or how I can save the money compared to the current people that they're working with. And I would even imagine people asking tough questions. Like, hey, like, where did you go to school? Or like, what did you get your degree in or that? Things that I felt very nervous about at the time talking about it.

And it was almost like my nervous system felt like, we've already been through this before. So let people ask whatever they want to ask. And it's all good. The crazy situation, just to put a little bow tie on that story, is that nobody ever asked me once. No, right? Where did I go to school? only time it would come up is a couple times after the work meeting people would be like, oh, like we're all going to go grab lunch together. Do you want to join us? And they'd be like,

you look young as F. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When did you graduate school? Because like, you look really young still. Yeah. And I just had that sort of baby face at the time, too. That's the only time the question of like, where did you go to school? At the end of the day, everybody was looking for, what can you do for us? Right. And you've done this for somebody else that we know that went well. so what can you do for us? So that was part of me bringing in confidence into this area that I had a lot of trepidation around using the power of visualization. Dude, that's so good.

Let me ask you this. When you walked in those meetings too, did you bring presence? Like, did you actively work on when I step into this room of these meetings? I'm going to look like I know exactly what I'm talking about and that I'm holding this room. Yeah, I think that would come from a couple of different standpoints. Number one, even in a business setting, you know, going back to your cue of looking at your hand and saying service, right? My dad told me this story really a long time ago.

When he noticed I was a little bit shy and we were at like a family wedding that we didn't really know that well. And I was kind of just like all by like core cousins that I was super close with weren't there. And I was with a bunch of like strangers. So I was just kind of in the corner kind of hanging out by myself and people come and talk to me, but I'd be a little bit more shy about it. I must have been like 12 at the time. And my dad came up to me and said, you know, one thing.

that I'll just share with you is that anytime you're out, just pretend like it's your event. Yeah. And be in service of people. Like my dad is so involved with his temple and community and the Hindu tradition. And there's always service has been a huge part of his life. He's like, just act like this is your event. So you see somebody looking for a chair to pull up to a table because they're going to squeeze it in.

Go and help them and just be helpful. Like everywhere you go, just bring the confidence of like, let me help you. be the person that goes out of the way, let me be the person to introduce you to somebody and just act like it. Even sometimes people would say like, oh my gosh, like thank you. Like, are you the brother of the bride or this? And I'm like, no, I'm just trying to be helpful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so in that same sense in a business setting, I would go in and just say like, look, these guys have a challenge. I'm here to be of support to them. And just be present in this moment. Look them in the eye. Just be here. And, you know, service them in any way that you can,

you can be helpful for them. But you believed wholeheartedly in what you were doing. Yeah. That's the biggest thing. That is when I speak to companies or work with these top NBA players, if I don't step out there and I fully believe in what I'm saying, they can see right through me. And that presence that you had of being, okay, this is what it's going to be. People will believe that. People want to follow that. Even if I said all the right things, but I looked a little timid, and like I didn't know what I was talking about, no one's going to believe you. That's one of the biggest skills that I can like tell people to work on is like when you step into a room, whether you actually know what you're talking about or not, you better believe sure as heck

that you know what you're talking about. So question then, what gets in the way for our audience is listening? What gets in the way of our ability to believe? Is it just practice and then you get better over time? Like how do you actually step into belief? Yeah, because you've got to know that even if you fail, if you flop, you're going to be okay. We fear that we're not going to be okay. We fear that, oh, if I come on this podcast and I say the wrong thing, that you're going to make fun of me. Every the audience is like, oh, we found him out. He's not real.

He's a fake. That's what we fear. So yes, preparation gives you the confidence of it, but also knowing that you're playing a win-win game. There is a no-lose. and to go into a room with knowing you can't lose, then you become dangerous in a good way. What was really helpful for me and part of that, my journey as an entrepreneur,

just a human being, is that everybody feels like they're an imposter. Yeah. Even the people that have been doing this thing for a really long time, there's an insecurity, there's a hook, there's something that's there. So if everybody feels that way, that also takes off pressure from you of being like,

cool, of course I feel like, you know, I'm a little bit of an imposter, have imposter syndrome because I've just started this or I've just beginning my journey. I'm still putting in the practice. But guess what? Everybody feels that way. Even the people that have done it for a really long time still feel that way a little bit around the thing, even if they're good at it. Yeah. And one of the main themes of all of this is the different side of the coin that you can look at, the perspective shift. So imposter syndrome is a really good thing to have because nobody felt imposter syndrome

who's just sitting on the couch watching Netflix eating nachos all day. Like you don't feel imposterism. If you're doing something worth value and meaning, you're going to feel imposter syndrome. And that's totally okay because like you said, everybody feels it.

Even the best of the best and the best, even if they try to tell you that they don't feel it, they feel it. But that's an okay thing to feel. What are some other hacks pulling from the two books that are out there. First one, pivot and go. Second one, break through.

Break through, yep. Breakthrough. Just pull out a few things for our audience that you think that would be useful in the context of this conversation, practices, skills, tools that they can incorporate that play on some of the themes that we covered. So one of my favorite ones to use and is one of the most important, I think, is so having self-awareness is one of the most important things. And what I mean by self-awareness, we talked about knowing yourself, but it's also being able to be like understand the moment, not let the moment get away from you. So if I start thinking negative

thoughts, if I start feeling frustrated, if I start feeling hurried, like how do you stop that moment until it starts to spiral and spiral and spiral and having this self-awareness? So the cue that I use is just snapping my fingers. A snap of the fingers is a cue, meaning like it's going to tell my subconscious, okay, I'm tying this action to a thought. So, like, like the movie Inception where the top spins around and they kick back into a layer of the dream because they see that cue. So the snap of the fingers stands for stop. I want to stop. Notice and notice.

Okay. Taking a step back. I'm going 50,000 feet above. Notice. Okay. I see what's going on. Now I assess the A assess. I'm assessing the situation.

Why am I feeling like this? Like, is it actually something somebody else said or am I just stressed? Is it me? What's the story you're telling yourself? the story going on here. Okay, assess and then P is pivot. All right. So, all right, here I assess the situation. Now, now what do I do from here? How can I look at it? So I'm really taking myself out of my body and seeing the situation going in. So this snap of the fingers, have your hands with you at all times. It's a very easy cue to use for self-awareness. And that's, that's one of the most

important things that I've done or taught people to do is just be like in the moment self-awareness. when, so you can stop a, a train that's going off the tracks. So you catch yourself, right? So the first thing is that there's even the awareness to kind of catch the thought that you're playing out a story or your negative pattern or whatever, you're like, oh shit, I'm doing it again. Now you snap and you go through that process. Is that how it works?

Totally. So can you think of something recently that you kind of went through this in your life? A lot. All the time. Yeah. What's an example of one that would be helpful for our audience to hear? Yeah. So when you get that hurried feeling,

and I'll get that hurry. Like, oh my gosh, I got so much to do. How am I going to get this done? Oh, I got to get this email. Oh, wait, I got this podcast. Oh, I got to do this. I got this book that's due. I got this.

I get this. And then I'll snap the fingers. Like, it's all going to work out. It's worked out in the past. Like, I'm doing fine. Like, it's going to work out. And then I remind myself when I do that snap, like I literally remind myself, when was the last time something great happened when I was really hurried?

The answer? Never. ever so that kind of reminder and it happens a lot man like sure when I say these things that I'd like I do these things because I need them just as much as the people that I'm telling you know what was really interesting observing you you know snapping your fingers and kind of seeing the shift in your body and then also going into that story of like when I asked you when was the last time you this happened and you mentioned you being hurried what I noticed is that when you were talking about being hurried you know you kind of like hunched over and I think a lot of people relate to this right

in our lives, when we feel rushed, when we feel pressure, we get small. We get kind of, we get confined. And our body language changes, our breathing changes. So true. And when you had snapped your fingers, what I noticed what you did is your posture went up. Your breathing changed. It was a whole like shift inside of your body. And obviously this is what you teach to people that are out there.

But just for the people that are listening on audio and not watching the video on YouTube, this is actually a cue to your. entire body and your nervous system to shift the way that it's showing up in this moment. And one thing I realize when I'm hurried is that trying to do a lot of different things or worrying about a lot of different things all at the same time is a great way to make yourself stressed versus when I have all those same things that are going on and I just simply, okay, cool, what's in my mind? Let me write out a sheet of paper. I'm going to write them one by one. Good, man.

And I'm going to see, okay, what's my plan of attack or how am I going to chunk these things or how do I need to say what is really first? Because at the end of the day, we can only work on one thing at a time if we're actually going to make progress on it. And then we go to the next thing. And then we go to the next thing. But always when people are frazzled in the day, it's like, and then this is going on. You even hear it in their speech.

You hear it in their speech. It's like, hey, are you okay? No, I'm just so stressed. Like, this is going on. And I got to get this thing. And I got that. It's like this sing song. way of jumping from one thing to another and that actually makes you more stress talking about

how stressed you are. So I love that. A little cue. So in a day, for example, would you do this like a few times at least? Yeah. I mean, I would say on average it's probably two to three times. Yeah. Yeah. Powerful. That's a great one. Want some more? Yeah. Want some more? Yeah. Let's look some more. All right. Another one is a what I call the mental dictatorship. It's a 17 second rule that I give myself. So when I was training NBA players, I would go around with a stopwatch and I would hit start when it seemed like the player didn't want to do the workout. It was one of those days where they just wanted to, you know, just go through the motions. So I'd hit start until the point where they were okay with it once they got through that first initial difficult time.

17 seconds was the average. I'd write all the times down that came back of how long it took for your mind to overcome or your body to overcome what you're going to overcome what you're mind was telling you. So I use this on a daily basis and the first thing I do in the morning is I take an ice cold shower about two to three minutes. But it's at 17 seconds that I hate at the start of it when I get in there. I never look forward to this thing. But I know it only takes 17 seconds. So if there's something I don't necessarily want to do that day or I don't want to like I don't feel like I got these calls to make or I got to send out the like I don't want to do it. If you're a salesperson, you have to pick up the phone and make calls. Make that first call.

if you don't want to work out. Like, do that first rep. After you do it, you're fine. And it's proven that I've proved through working with these players at 17 seconds is the time that it takes to overcome that. So having that confidence of like, well, I'm going to get through it. It's just so 17 seconds that suck at the start gives me a lot of peace. And it's like, anybody can make it through the first 17 seconds.

You can make it. Cool. I can get to at least 17 and then you go from there. Exactly. Yep. I love it, dude. You know, we touched on this a little bit. earlier, but we didn't really flush it out vocabulary. So tell me about some of the words

that either you've switched in your life or trigger words that you're mindful of, that they're an indication that if you use that word, that might be an opportunity to either snap or sort of change your state or figure out what's going on. So are there any kind of words that you in particular pay attention to for yourself? Yeah, yeah, good. So let me tell you where it first came from and then I'll tell you the words that still do that for me. So in basketball, I mean, the word slump means you're having a really bad game or a really bad string of games. I mean, just in life, if you're in a slump. So I would start asking players that I worked with, when was your last shooting slump?

And they'd always be like, just like said, body language would crumble and, like, yeah, I mean, I couldn't make a shot for the last five games. And I'm just, I just don't have it anymore. And then I would say, I follow up question, well, when was your last shooting hippopotamus? And they'd look at me like, what are you talking about? I'm shooting. But what I was showing them is that that word slump is literally just a word. If you replace it with hippopotamus, then it becomes funny.

Then you kind of laugh at it. So these words that we tie these certain meanings to because we grow up being taught this way, that's the reason that why we think is. That's the reason why we think failure. That's the reason why we think what rich means is because we are taught this certain way. So you have the ability to be able to defy this. whatever word that you want to define. Like for failure, most people cringe at that. And I know you've heard it's the best way to learn and grow. It really is. And it's also twofold. If you fail

at something, if I fail miserable at something, I can teach somebody else that's coming up along the way how to avoid those roadblocks. So not only do you learn and grow, but you also get the power to serve in that same capacity. So for me, words that are the ones that have to come back and redefine, like, busy. Being busy. What does being busy mean? Is that a good thing? Is that a good thing? No, but it's kind of celebrated in the society that we live in. Like, man, I'm just so busy. You know, I'm so, it's almost like a, oh, man, man, that guy must be important. He's busy. He's got so much going on. And people will say that to me. He's like, ah, I see you going. Yeah, you're so busy. No, I'm not busy. I'm making sure that I keep the most important.

things the most important. Like, I'll use the excuse of being busy for people I don't necessarily want to talk to at times. Like, hey, I'm just, you know, it's got like going to busy. But I'll make sure, hey, that I'm taking time for my wife. We're going to go on a week, Alaskan cruise vacation and we're going to shut their phones off. Like, if I was really busy, I wouldn't be able to do that. So busy is just what you choose it to be. And these different types of words that maybe are sticking points for you, look at what those words are. Look at them, write them out the actual definition, and then write out your definition and start living in that definition because you have the power to control those words. You know, there's one that I see a lot when it comes to our health in our body

and that word is tired. Oh, good, man. Now, sometimes people are genuinely tired, right? Yeah. And then other times, tired is this crutch word that there's a lot of energy behind. And I think I love this idea that you shared, which is write down. If you're somebody who uses that word often, people come to you, you show up at the office or you come back from the office and your partner sees you and you're like, hey, babe, how are you? And you're like, I'm just tired. Right. Okay.

What does that word mean to you? What do you embody when you're saying that? Yeah, that's good. Like, are you not fulfilled in your job? It's good. Are you feel not connected to your partner? Maybe there's some resentment. Maybe there's some stuff that needs to be sort of.

But tired is one of those disguise words. Yeah. Can I say on that point? I want people to know you don't have to run the same race everybody else is running. I think it's so important to understand that. Like we see on social media or you see Goggins or these guys like, you know, I'm up at 4 a.m. is grinding and going and going. Like, I'm not going to do that.

That doesn't look like success to me. Like, we know people who are millionaires, billionaires, but they're working and working and work and work. What's the point? Why run the same race that everybody else is running? You're never going to be fulfilled. You're never going to have contentment if you're just trying to make more money or be on the same level as somebody else. Like, I'll look at people like that and I'll laugh to myself. Like, you're probably miserable.

You might put on this front on social media, but I'm sure you're probably probably. be miserable. We want the life of contentment. And I just keep reminding myself, like, don't run the same race. Run your own race at your own pace. Going back to words, because I feel like this is such a powerful topic, any other ones that you see often with people that you coach? You know, I mean, people know a lot of the shoulds, you know. Yeah. I try to catch myself. Yeah, yeah. Especially with my wife's, you know, saying never or always. That's one. You know, we've done the Gottman Institute training. it's like a marital based evidence based marital therapy. Oh, cool.

And inside of there, they have you sort of pay attention to sort of your languaging and stuff. And so one of the ones is like, when do you say always? Oh, right? Like, babe, you always, or this always happens. We're always running late, right? Or you never do this or you never do that. And obviously that's an extract.

That's, you know, it's not usually the case. But it's not that we should just discard it. It's actually an indication. It's like if they're smooth. smoke and the smoke detector is going off, there's something to pay attention to. Now, sometimes it's faulty and sometimes there could legitimately be a fire or something that's burning over there. So I find these trigger words are a great reminder for me of like, oh, there's something

deeper that's going on. So if I should on my babe or if I always on my babe or if I never on her and I catch that, I'm like, okay, what is it that I'm feeling in this moment? I'm feeling maybe that I'm not being respected for my time. Okay, cool. What does it look like if I'm genuinely wanting to make progress of like, you know, maybe not in that moment, but later on, sitting down, holding your hand and saying, you know, hey, sweetie, you know, when we run late, I want to share with you, this is what I feel, especially when it's, you know,

my friends and we show up at this time. Like, this is the position that I feel that I'm in. And I want to let you know, like, I know you're doing your best and I appreciate how this, that, whatever. And I've always found that those conversations actually more lead to true connection and results versus like some flipping on the person and just you're always running this or you're always doing that, which never gets anybody anywhere. That's so powerful. We need everybody to rewind that and listen to that point back. The way that we talk to the people that we love is the most important. And I even think about the things that you do in your day of, is it going to bless her? or stress her. And you might not even know. Like for me, I know my wife, she wants the kitchen to be

clean, but I don't really do a very good job of that. And she might not see me actively doing it, but if there's a coffee cup that's not clean, am I just going to put it back in the shelf or I'm going to actually clean it? She might not see it. But I know each other one of those decisions, is it going to bless her or is it going to stress her? But coming back to your point of the words, which I love that, I want to look more into that. Like words like, try. When people say, well, I'm trying. Yeah, you're trying.

Everybody's trying. Take that word out. You're not trying. You're doing. Switch the word trying for doing. The word hope. Well, I'm hoping to. I'm hoping.

Hope is a great thing. We want to have hope. We want to have hope for the future. But if you're just leaving it to hope, you're saying I'm hoping, then you're not actually having a plan. You're not taking steps toward that plan. You're just throwing it out in the air. So those are two words.

that most people will use on a very daily basis that I like to throw out, just completely throw out of their try and hope. And I think like you're talking about with your wife, the way we communicate is more powerful than the words we actually say. Are you ask yourself that question? Are you speaking life into your spouse? And it's hard to do because we know them so well that we can take things out of our own accord and that we're feeling for others on the people we love the most when it should be the complete actual opposite. Like a random stranger, like we're just getting to meet here for the first time. Like, I'm going to be, like, I'm not going to take out any stresses on you, but if it was my wife, maybe I would. But it shouldn't

be that way. And that probably plays into also how we speak to ourselves. Totally does. Yep. what do you think are some of the narratives like do you think that there's a connection between how we speak to other people and how we speak to ourselves yeah yeah i think there is i think it all comes back down to how i mean how much we value ourselves or how much we what's the right word i'm looking for how much we i guess we think that we matter if we feel like we're in a place that we matter that i'm like i have an importance i have an effect on other people in a positive way, then we're going to speak to other people in that type of way. What we see in ourselves, it's kind of like the, you look at the water when it's clear and there's

no waves and you see your reflection coming back at you. Is it a beautiful reflection that you see in that pond? Or do you see that, what is that, Lion King where he sees his dad, he looks at himself and sees his dad? What are you seeing in that reflection in the pond? And if you have on the inside, if you're comfortable with yourself and you're at peace with yourself. And I use the word contentment. I don't think people like that word contentment because you think like, oh, well, you're not striving for anything. No, I want to be content.

I'm still going to be hungry on the mission I'm on, but I want to be content. And if you see that contentment in yourself, you're going to reflect it on others. So yeah, I think it starts at the inner self before what we reflect on the outer self. Or if I'm just trying to put on something of making like the outer self, then I'm not. accepting what is actually happening in my own life and I'm just suppressing and suppressing is the worst thing that you can do. What are some of your larger senses of why right now in your life, right? Like your your why, your motivation, your reason, because I think that one thing we often forget is that when we look at like some of the top happiness surveys that are out there,

join contentment surveys, people feel a strong sense of connection to often, you know, faith or community and also the sense of that they're making the world a better place in their corner. How's that show up for you right now? Give us a little bit of that drive that pulls you forward. To me, it's always going to be my relationship with Jesus, my faith in God. That is the why that I'm doing everything that I'm doing. I want to show people that they are loved. I want to show people that they matter.

Now, this is on like, that's my beliefs. It doesn't have to be anybody else's beliefs. but at the core, that is love. Jesus came to show love. I want to show people love. I want to show people that they matter. I want to show people that their identity is not tied to what society has to tell them. I want to show people that they have a gift inside of them.

Like literally, all of us have a God-given gift inside of us. But far too often, we suppress it in. We block it off because little Jimmy down the road said we're not good enough. And he doesn't really care about our lives, but we put everything on what somebody else said about us. Like if I was a great piano player, but you give you an analogy here, and God gave me this gift to be this great piano player. And then he gives me this grand piano, this beautiful piano.

It just makes the most elegant keys, sounds, whatever. I'm not really a piano player, but you know. And I put it over in the corner, and I put this tarp over, and I never play it because somebody else said I wasn't good enough. Now, that's a slap in the face to my creator, right, for not pursuing. this gift that he's given me. And I think that's what holds a lot of us back because society tells us, well, don't do it. Like just fit in. Like just come on, be part of the crowd. Go with the crowd. And to me, that's one of the reasons that this world is in the predicament that it's in

because we just follow and we're just trying to just get through it and we're trying to just fit in. when in reality you have an amazing gift to be able to share to better other people around you. So in a long-winded answer, show people the gifts that they have inside of them that they can actually go make an impact on other people in a positive, real genuine way. That's a powerful brother. Thank you. Give us a rundown of your world, the books, the podcast, walk the audience through it for those that want to keep in touch with you, want to go deeper in the books.

Totally. The books are pivot and go and breakthrough. and the next book's coming out in spring of 23. That you're working on with your sister. Yes. My sister is working out. Yes. I might ask you some title ideas after this.

The podcast is the art of and websites davidnurs.com. And the podcast, you know, this audience love podcast. If there was one or two interviews that you would say for them to go to next or, you know, they want to continue listening from here, what would you do? direct them to. I would say just go check it out. And the art of I bring on people that you might not have actually heard of. Some of them you have. Some of them you haven't. But they'll be the top in their field. And it really gives people a lot of hope of like, okay, this gift like we're just talking about, you have this gift. Like you can be the best cake baker, the best violinist and make a career out of it and give, inspire people to be able to come along to be able to do what they love to do. So if if you're

interested in amazing stories and seeing people go for their dreams, no matter what those dreams are, even as crazy as they are, that's, yeah, that's the goal in the podcast. Beautiful, beautiful. And you're on social media as well? David Nurse. David Nurse NBA, Instagram, Twitter, social media, or come out here, like I said, to air one and hang out with us. Which one? Now there's a bunch of them. Which one can they find you at? The Venice one. David, it's been a pleasure, man. I really appreciate you coming on the show. sharing all the lessons that you put together in your book.

And I think that sports is such a great analogy because we often, you know, my audience is more likely not like a big sports audience. Not saying that people are not into sports, but it's not a big sports audience. And I think we can pull analogies from there and remind ourselves that, you know, no matter where we are in life, there's like something that we can do right now to step into what I've heard you use with people like this athlete's mind. And an athlete's mindset or

athlete's mind is this idea of like, I'm intentionally going to get better at these areas in my life that I want to make progress on. I'm going to have a plan. I'm going to put in practice. Like there's no athlete that's out there. It's like, I'm going to get better without practice. But there are people that are out there who are not athletes who are like, yeah, I'm just magically going to get better. So I appreciate you coming here and sort of sharing that perspective from a world class coach that you are because sometimes stepping. that athlete's mindset is exactly the unlock that we need to take that next step in our life. Oh, that was beautifully said. Thank you so much, man.