Dhru Purohit Show - The Personality Trait That Could Help You Live Longer. Researcher Shares the Surprising Link Between Charisma and Longevity with Vanessa Van Edwards 

Episode Date: August 11, 2025

This episode is brought to you by Pique Life and Bon Charge.  We know that exercise and diet play a major role in longevity, but social interactions and meaningful connections also have a powerful impact on how we age. In this episode, you’ll learn how to foster relationships that energize you—not drain you—and avoid the trap of unwanted interactions and energy vampires. If you’re looking to live a happier, longer life, this episode shows you how. Today on The Dhru Purohit Show, we’re revisiting one of our most talked-about moments with behavioral researcher Vanessa Van Edwards. Vanessa explores how key personality traits, like charisma, can contribute to a longer, more fulfilling life and help you manifest the life you desire. She breaks down the OCEAN personality model and discusses which traits may support or hinder longevity. Vanessa also shares examples of social interactions that drain your energy and offers practical tools to help you navigate conversations with greater ease and confidence. Vanessa Van Edwards is a multi-time bestselling author and a renowned behavioral researcher specializing in professional communication and leadership. Vanessa’s work has been featured in national and international media, as well as in workshops worldwide. In this episode, Dhru and Vanessa dive into: How charisma can help you live longer and get what you want (1:16) Key personality traits you can develop to support longevity (2:17) How to conserve energy and manage your social battery (10:05) Why life gets easier when you step into your charisma (12:05) Practical tools to feel more at ease in social interactions (22:56) Final thoughts (24:52) Also mentioned: Full episode with Vanessa Van Edwards This episode is brought to you by Pique Life and Bon Charge. Right now, Pique Life is offering 20% off their Sun Goddess Matcha. Plus, you’ll get a free beaker and frother when you go to piquelife.com/dhru. Right now, Bon Charge is offering my community 15% off; just go to boncharge.com/DHRU and use coupon code DHRU to save 15%. Sign up for Dhru’s Try This Newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi everyone, Drew Prode here. Everyone knows that things like our diet, our sleep, and our exercise can impact our longevity. But did you know that your personality traits and how you connect with others are also directly connected to how long and well you live? That's pretty shocking, but it's true. In today's episode, I'm sharing a portion of my conversation with Vanessa Van Edwards, where we explore the fascinating science behind the personality traits that are linked to living longer. Not only that, but we'll also show you how these traits, like conscientiousness, agreeableness, and even aspects of extroversion are skills that you can build, not things that you are born with, which is so important because so many people think you either have it or you don't,

it's not true. And Vanessa Van Edwards is going to tell you why on today's moments episode. So a little bit about Vanessa. She's a multi-time best-selling author and renowned behavioral researcher on professional communication and leadership. Vanessa's work has been featured. featured in national and international media and to audiences and workshops worldwide. This episode is certain to challenge the way you think about health, and it might just change the way that you show up in your relationships. Let's dive in. Something mind-blowing that I've learned from your content is not only will charisma help us

get what we want in life, but it will actually help us live longer. Can you talk about that? So the better our connections, the deeper our connections, the more we look forward to our the happier we are, the healthier we are, and the longer we live. And this makes sense. Like, think about someone that you kind of dread, like ambivalent relationships.

Actually, you hear a lot about toxic relationships, but when we're ambivalent about someone that's actually more draining, highly charismatic people, they can develop deep, very quick connections with people, and they love it. They look forward to seeing that person. They have really great conversations. What we're trying to fight is that lack of charisma

or that ambivalence where you're not sure if you like the person, they're not sure if they like you. that's actually way more draining on our health. It's more stressful. And it takes a toll on our mental and our emotional health. Well, we'll cover both sides of that. Let's start off with the positive, which are key personality traits that we can develop and practice and get better at that actually help us live longer. And then we're going to come back to this toxic traits and avoiding toxic people that suck energy out of us.

And the red flags that we can watch out for. Yeah. And you have some experience with this. Yes. So let's start with a positive side of this. Okay. The positive side is the most academically rigorous look at personality is the big five, which is I like to call it ocean.

Easy to remember. Openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. So what research has looked at is in a population of people, do certain personality traits make you live longer? And so if you look at those traits, a quick review. And by the way, as I describe these, you can kind of think, are you. Are you high, medium, or low? Because I won't give away the longevity traits yet.

I'll have you guess. So the first one is openness. That's how you approach new ideas. Do you like doing new things all the time? If you're high in openness, you love being creative, you love trying new things. You get bored easily. Low openness. You like habit, tradition, ritual, routine.

So that's one of the first trait. Conscientiousness is the second trait. This is how you approach detail. So people who are high in conscientiousness are very detail-oriented. This is me. I get an adrenaline rush from alphabetizing. You know, I love a colored compartment. High conscious people are very detailed oriented and they're very organized.

Low conscientious people are more flexible. They want to go with the flow. Details kind of bog them down. They like big ideas. That's the second one. The third one is extroversion. So this is the one we hear the most about. If you're a high extrovert, you love people.

You get energy from being around people. If you have a good day, you want to celebrate with people. You have a bad day. You want to commiserate with people. Low extroverts are known as introverts, and they get energy from being alone. They recharge with solo time. If they have a bad day, they want to process by themselves. They want a journal.

If they have a good day, they want to celebrate first from themselves, savor the moment a little bit. And there's also the, actually most people are ambiverts, which is in between the two. And there's agreeableness. Agreeableness is the one that's, I think the people don't think about the most. Agreeableness is how you approach cooperation. So people who are high in agreeableness, they default to yes. meaning when they're asked,

hey, will you help me with this? Of course. If you're high in agreeableness, you often fall into people pleasing. Sometimes you overcomit, over-extend yourself because all you want to do is cooperate, help, and give.

Low-agreable folks are more analytical. They default to no. So if you ask them, do you want to, no. I don't have time. And they tend to be more suspicious. They want to look things up. They're Google fact-checkers,

like our low-agreable people. They want to make sure that's actually right. So they tend to say no to things, even if they're a good idea. The last one is neuroticism. This is how you approach worry. So high neurotics, this is me. We worry because it's a sport. We think that worrying is an investment in failure prevention. So we actually carry long forms of the serotonin transport gene, which means we produce serotonin more slowly. And that makes us more anxious because when a bad thing happens to us, it lasts longer and it feels worse.

Low neurotics are stable. They don't have a lot of mood change. They typically are very in control of their emotions. So those are the five. Which ones do you think are most important for longevity? Ooh, I would have to say openness. Okay. Why?

High or low open? Who lives longer? High people, high open people are low. I think high open people. But they're jumping out of planes, right? High open people. They're the ones who are taking risks. I guess there's a balance.

Between it, right? Like you want to be open? Because I think about the opposite of openness is closed-mindedness, a little bit of doom and gloom. A little bit of I'm not going to trust people. I'm not going to invest time and energy. Why try this new activity? Why invest in all aspects of my life? Okay.

So you got it right, actually. That is exactly it. What you just said, which is that people who are willing to be open to ideas or invest in their relationships. Actually, that's an aspect of agreeableness. So openness, high open people are our adrenaline junkies. Okay, got it. They are not the ones. So I don't think that those are the people that are living long.

They're the ones. They actually found this that people who are high in openness carry a DRD4, a certain gene that makes you more prone to gambling. You have more of an addictive personality. Your adrenaline junkie. It's actually how your genes express. You get more dopamine juiced from a new experience. So those people who are constantly searching for new, it's because they physically have. have a higher chemical positive reaction to something new.

Low open people don't have that. So they're like, why worth the risk? It's not worth the risk. Risk reward. Right. So openness is actually more dangerous. Okay, got it. Now that I understand the definition.

Yes, but you got it right, actually. So agreeableness is one of the aspects that contribute to longevity. Highly agreeable folks are all about cooperation. They are about saying yes to, you know what? I will try to work on that team. You know what? I will try that, even though it's a little bit out of my comfort zone. So even though high-gral people can be people-pleasers, that actually contributes to the longevity

because it makes them more willing to cooperate, even if they're a little bit uncomfortable. Oh, super interesting. So high agreeableness. That's the first one. That's the first one. The second one is high conscientiousness. And this makes sense. If you are detailed-oriented, you remember to brush your teeth.

You remember to take your vitamins. You go to the doctor. You remember your appointment. You have a calendar. So it's actually less a function of how you think and just more that you're probably remembering the good things that you're supposed to be. doing. And the funny thing is, so conscientiousness is great for longevity. And if you, kind of another way to think about longevity is not just what you're doing. So the vitamins you're taking

or your sleep protocol, it's also just getting good at doing things repeatedly. Like just investing in your ability to build habits and investing in your ability to be a high conscientious person and pay attention to the details, that is a longevity hack just in itself. So having discipline, but in a way kind of looking forward to and enjoying that? Yes. And creating systems for yourself where it's not taking energy from you. Highly conscientious people are very good at creating systems where the energy has been taken out of the task.

Right. So I'm making it up, but like a high conscious person, I'm a high conscientious person, right? I love calendars and details and I love compartments. Well, you know, all my vitamins, I would forget to take them except for on Sunday I make a whole vitamin regime with my little pill boxes, right? And otherwise I would never take them.

But that system makes it so that I don't even think about it all week. I just have to think about it on Sunday. So I think that investing in a system that's going to make it so you can be low conscientious. You don't have to think about it. That's actually the way it helps your longevity because you're not having to expend mental energy on doing it. Beautiful. Okay, so the last one. There's one more, the most important one, I think, which is extroversion.

So this, I'll be honest, when I read this, it made me a little sad because I'm not a high extrovert. I'm an ambivert. So the research finds that extroverts people who get energy from being with people live longer. Why? The more connected we are, the more oxytocin we have, the more we feel supported. Also, if you're seeing your friends every day, they're going to call you on your bad habits. They're like, dude, why are you eating all that fried food? We should go eat something more healthy, right?

Like you get your goals done faster. You tend to be the average of the people you spend time with that they found that depression is contagious, weight gain is contagious. So if you're a high extrovert and you're hanging around, people who are helping you and love you and support you, you are more likely to be healthy and feel connected. The problem with this is I am not a natural extrovert. So I was like, oh, man. But I think there's good news here.

This is where charisma comes in. I think you can find your flavor of charisma. And it doesn't have to be pretending to be an extrovert. I think for many years, beginning of my career, certainly, all the advice out there for communication and people's skills and being charismatic was written by extroverts. And basically their advice is pretend to be more extroverted. Fake it till you make it. Right.

Pretend to be more outgoing. And so that doesn't work. It does not work in the long term. You cannot fake being more outgoing. It drains you faster. So actually what you're better off doing is if you're not an extrovert, if you're an ambivert or an introvert, is understanding your social battery. You really have to think of your energy like social energy.

In that, there are certain things on your phone that just, drain it faster. There are certain apps that drain your phone faster. You have certain people in your life that drain you faster. You have certain places that drain you faster. Like this for me is fun and interesting and easy. It doesn't drain my social battery as much as if we were to, if you were to say, hey, Vanessa, you want to go to a happy hour tonight? Nope, can't do it. I can maybe do 30 minutes. The loud room and trying to make small talk with people I don't really know, that drains my social energy faster. So kind of exercise you can do. is think about who are the people who fill your battery?

Like, who are the people that when you leave, you have more energy? You find that they get you out of your bad mood. Those are the people who are, like, those are renewable sources, right? Like, you can plug into them. Who are the people who drain your energy? How can you boundary them? How can you say no to them? How can you limit your exposure to them as much as possible?

And then what are the places that fill you or give you energy? Like, I love learning environments. I love one-to-one conversations. I love game nights. Like, those fill my energy. And what are the places that take from you that drain your energy faster? This is just an energy savings game.

And I think that that is how we can all get the benefits that extroverts have, even if we're not extroverted. You said the benefits, because really a key part of your message is that the more charismatic, not you can become, because actually what you're talking about is stepping into your natural charisma, which many people do organically. You organically do these in moments in situations

where you feel comfortable, where you feel understood. And yet, if we can tap into it a little bit better and see these cues, life becomes easier. How does our life become easier when we step into our natural charisma? It's so basic, but I think a lot of people don't often know how life becomes easier. Have you noticed that everyone is obsessed with Macha right now?

Even my wife. Well, it's for a good reason. Macha is packed with antioxidants called catacins that help your body recover from stress and cellular damage. It also has chlorophyll for natural detoxification support, altheoneme for calm, focused energy, and a bunch of vitamins like phytonutrients that support digestion, metabolism, and your immune system. But here's the thing.

Not all Macha is created equal. Peak Sun Goddess Macha is in a class of its own. First of all, it's organic, ceremonial-grade mottes. And it's shaded 35% longer than typical macha to enhance its althianine and chlorophyll content. You're not going to find this level of purity in most matcha brands out there. And by the way, it tastes amazing. Super smooth, no bitterness, just clean focused energy without a crash. Whether I whisk it into a latte or shake it over ice, it's become a daily ritual I look forward to.

Right now, Peak is offering my community 20% off for life, plus a free starter kit just for my listeners. And if you want it, just go to peaklife.com slash drew to grab the offer. That's peak, P-I-Q-U-E-L-I-F-E-E-D-H-R-U. That's me, to get this offer today. Peek's sun-godest match matcha truly is the cleanest, best-tasting matcha I've found, and it's backed by real science. Give it a try and let me know what you think. Let's be real.

Most of us don't have a ton of extra time. Between trying to eat well, staying active, And getting through a pack day, it's hard to squeeze in anything else. By the time 8 p.m. hits, all I want to do is chill out and relax and wind down for the evening. But here's the thing. What if you could support your health while just sitting on the couch or stretching while watching your favorite show or winding down before bed? That's exactly why I love the Bond Charge red light face mask. It's a super easy way to boost your skin health without adding anything extra to your day.

In just 10 to 20 minutes a night, doing what you're already doing, you're giving your skin some serious love. The mask combines red light and near infrared light to naturally support collagen, elastin, and overall skin repair. It's super lightweight, stays cool on your face, no heat, no irritation, and you can switch between light modes depending on your needs. And the best part, it's HSA and FSA eligible, so you can save up to 30% tax-free. Plus, it comes with a 12-month warranty and worldwide shipping. Bonchard also has some other great science-backed wellness tools, like low blue light bulbs, infrared sauna blankets, and blackout sleep masks. And right now, they're giving my listeners 15% off their red light face mask.

Just head over to boncharge.com slash drew and use the code Drew at checkout. That's Boncharge, B-O-N-C-H-A-R-G-E.com slash Drew, D-D-H-R-U. and don't forget to use the code Drew, D-H-R-U, to save 15%. If you've been thinking about getting on the red light train, stack it into your nightly routine with bond charge and let the benefits add up effortlessly. I also think, sadly, a lot of us, at least for me, I'm a recovering awkward person, right?

Like, my natural state is actually more awkward. So for me, it doesn't come easily. Like, I have trouble finding those cues or those micros skills that make me feel good. So actually, if you're listening, you're like, oh, look, I haven't felt that that's easy for me. I want you to actually break down what specific aspects of a conversation or interaction work for you and what don't work for you.

So, for example, I'm allergic to small talk. Like, I have found that talking about the weather, like, it makes me itchy. Like, I just, there's something about it that I'm like, ah, this is so not productive. There's some people who love it, right? So one is, what are the questions that make your skin crawl, like the small talk questions? Some people love small talk. Like, my husband, he loves talking about the weather. Loves it.

Loves talking about the weather. We'll have a whole text thread with people that we're friends with where we're like, what's the weather where you are? What's the weather where I am? And I'm like, throw my phone out the window, right? Is this true? Should we get him a microphone and you can join in on the conversation? You love the weather.

You do love talking. He loves talking about the weather. He'll be like, is it sunny there? And I'm like, no. Like, no. So it's not the same for everyone. So thinking about what are the questions and topics that let you up? So for me, I know that I love talking.

I love asking for advice. That's a micro skill that I really like. So what are the questions and topics that you really like? And also, what are the scenarios where you can put yourself in them more where you're harnessing that natural charisma that you have? So, for example, I love asking people, what podcasts are you listening to? What book have you been reading recently? I've gotten in the habit now of asking the same questions to my friends so that we actually

keep each other accountable. So I'll give you an example. So I've decided with all of my friends, I'm always going to ask them whenever I see them and they know this, what are you learning right now? And they know that I'm going to ask this. And so now, and my friends have told me this, they prepare things before they get together with me that they are learning. And I do the same.

And so I know I've created that. I made that sort of social habit for myself. One, it lowers the load, right? It's really hard to go into a conversation with an old friend or a colleague and have to think of brand new, exciting conversation charge every time. Right? That's really hard. So take that load off, right?

It's about creating social. habits that work for you, right? So, okay, what's a question that you could make your go-to question, your on-brand question, whatever that is? I even think great podcast hosts do this where they'll ask similar questions at the end. The same thing can work in social situations. So for me, I ask, what are you learning right now? On Mondays and Fridays, everyone who works with me, my whole team knows, I'm going to ask you, do you do anything exciting this past weekend? And on Fridays, I always ask, do you have anything exciting coming up this weekend? In that way, I've lost, I takes out the mental load. And second, more importantly, I am now asking the other

person's brain to juice dopamine. If you ask someone, how's it going? Nothing. Brain dead, right? Right? Like, what my least favorite question, so it's new. Oh, no. No, right? Like, oh, like skin crawl, right? Like, that's one that you're allergic to. And you get into a social script, right? If you ask what's going on, how are you? What's new? It creates a social script where both our brain, brains are on autopilot. We're not like actually thinking, and that takes away the longevity benefits of an interaction. The reason why extraverse, I think chemically speaking, live longer and are healthier and happier is because they're having amazing conversations.

In an amazing conversation, two things happen. One is you produce dopamine. Dopamine does a lot of things in our body, as you know, but from a social perspective, it gives us energy. Dopamine makes us feel excited. It gives us a little bit of pleasure, but mostly it's an energy-giving chemical. In that, it gives us motivation. So if someone asks us a question, what's new or how's it going?

No dopamine. Our brain goes, oh, not much, busy. This is the answer, especially in L.A. You ask someone, you ask someone. So how's it going? Busy, good, but busy. Like, that is always the answer is totally scripted. And where do you go from there?

So if you ask someone, have anything exciting coming up this weekend, first of all, it's always different because typically people have different places. plans on the weekends. And you're literally asking them, what already excites you? Can you share with me? Can we juice it together? So it's kind of a hack into getting dopamine. I get dopamine from talking about things I learn. I love aha moments. Like an aha moment for me is like, really? Like an eyebrow raising moment. That is the most dopamine state that I'm going to have. So that's why I love listening to podcasts because I'm like, really? I didn't know that. So when I asked someone, what are you learning? and they tell me an aha moment, I get dopamine and they share dopamine.

So that's the first and it happens chemically. And that's dopamine is give us energy. The second thing, most importantly, is oxytocin. Oxytocin, again, does a lot of things in our body. But from a social perspective, it makes us feel belonging. It makes us feel connected. It makes us feel accepted. And so in a conversation, if someone says, I say, doing anything exciting this weekend,

dopamine, dopamine. And they say, yes, actually this weekend, we're going to a little pumpkin patch. And my daughter, I have a nine-month-old daughter. She's going to pick out her first pumpkin. We're really excited. Dofamine. Dofine.

And then the other person goes, oh, my gosh, me too. I remember when my daughter got her first pumpkin. That me-toe moment, that little shared experience creates oxytocin for both of us. We make eye contact. You're nodding. I'm nodding. When we mirror each other's body language, we both feel like we get each other. And that chemically makes us feel so good.

And so I think that that's what we're going after in these conversations. What makes them easier is you're going for excitement and you're going for connection. And there are verbal ways to get to those as well as nonverbal ways. So powerful. In a way, we are signaling inside out that our body is safe, that we're with our tribe, that this is friendly. And when we're in that state of mind, state of being internally, because what happens with the body, happens to the mind, what happens to the mind, happens to the body. Our resources inside of our body can be used for other priorities instead of this sort of

fight, flight, freeze response, which so many people are walking around throughout the day, moments where my wife, since you mentioned your husband, I'll bring my wife into the conversation. Yeah, that's ringer. I'll notice sometimes that she will just stop breathing, especially when she's doing email. There's almost a part of her that's bracing for impact. Yes. Right?

Because it feels like, you know, you're kind of in this sort of battle a little bit, you know, doing things that are a little bit tough. And I think the more that we can remind ourselves that the world is a safe place, the more that our body can actually ease up and our perceived sense of stress completely starts to change. Okay. So I love the way you frame that is your body does not have to be in fight or flight when you're in a social interaction. And for awkward people, for introverts, I know this because I'm an awkward person, we are constantly in a state of fight or flight. in social interactions. And it is exhausting. It is exhausting. It is why we have burnout. It is why we leave like and we have to go flat on our bed. When you have interactions that are not putting in a fight or flight, you have more energy. So a couple, I want to give a couple tools if I can.

Please, please. So verbal tools. I want to take the cognitive load off of you for your social interactions, okay? So on Mondays and Fridays, always ask, do anything fun this past weekend? I have anything exciting this kind of point weekend. On Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, don't talk to anyone. No, just joking. My wife is back here, like, cheering. She's like, oh my God, amazing. You know what? That's an option.

You know what? That's an option. If you're like, I need a three-day break, good. You can take a three-day break. On Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, you have a couple choices. You can have like a go-to question. Hey, are you learning anything interesting these days? Are you reading anything interesting these days? Are you listening to anything interesting these days?

So you can have a go-to question of learning-based if that gets you going. If you're not a big learner or self-development junkie, but I think everyone who's listening and watching this is. That's a go-to question. You can also do working on anything exciting recently. So that's like the bridge question. If you're with someone, you're like, I don't know what to talk about. We're not that close.

Working on anything exciting recently is a permission question. I think oftentimes we tend to ask people, so what do you do? Where are you from? How's the fam? Those are traps. I call those social traps because... Traps that also, for some people, it's the bane of their existence to get into small talk, which is what you were sharing about earlier.

And they're brain dead, right? They're totally on autopilot. So I would avoid it. Let's go on a, what do you do, diet if you, if you would. It's going to age you. Let's put it that simply, right? If you keep asking people, what do you do? Where are you from?

It's going to age you because you're going to have boring, stale autopilot conversations. My conversation with Vanessa totally reframed how I think about the connection between interpersonal interactions and our health. I love, love, love, how she reminded us that longevity isn't just about what we do. It's also how we live and how we connect. And being a more charismatic, more connected, and more conscious person in your relationships isn't just good for your social life. It's actually medicine for your body and brain. Now, if you enjoyed this segment of my conversation, I encourage you to check out my

full-length conversation with Vanessa, where we dive deeper into the science and practice of creating better connections. Vanessa also shares a simple but powerful, powerful practice that parents can use to build deeper connection with their children. We explore why ambivalent relationships are often more damaging to your health than overtly toxic ones. That's a surprise for me, but it turns out to be true. And she shares a lot of tips to become a master communicator. You can find the link to the full-length conversation in the episode's show notes. And if you value today's episode, do your favor. Share it with someone you love

who could benefit from this information. Until next time, thank you for tuning in.