Dial In with Jonny Ardavanis - Brianna Harris - Can I Be Content In My Singleness?

Episode Date: March 16, 2023

Dial In with Jonny Ardavanis: Big Questions, Biblical Answers, is a series that seeks to provide biblical answers to some of the most prominent and fundamental questions regarding God, the Gospel, and the Bible.In this episode, Jonny Ardavanis sits down with Brianna Harris, the Dean of Women at The Master’s University and asks her about singleness. In this episode Brianna addresses a number of the misconceptions regarding singleness and helps us find the balance between continuing to pray that God would grant a spouse, while at the same time remaining content in our singleness.Watch VideosVisit the Website Follow on InstagramFollow on Twitter

Hey guys, my name is Johnny Artavanis and this is Dial-In. I want to thank you all for listening to our series on work, laziness, rest, and Sabbath. It's been one of the most listened to series that I've done to date and I'm so glad that it's been helpful for many of you as it's been convicting in my own life. I'll conclude that series in next week's episode as I do a final episode on redeeming our time as believers. In this week's episode, I sit down with Breonna Harris, who works alongside me at the Masters University as the Dean of Women,

and I ask her about the subject of singleness. Let's dial in. Well, Bre, thanks for sitting down once again. I wanted to talk to you about singleness. So often we talk about marriage, and especially we're in a Christian environment, so there's a lot of pressure for people to get married. You are not married, and that's true. Singleness is a topic that you hear of at times.

People talk about the gift of singleness. Do you have the gift of singleness? Do you feel called to singleness? Maybe address potentially some of the misconceptions regarding singleness. You're a single woman. What are some of the thoughts or things that you hear that you go, I don't actually know if I buy into that. Speak to us. Yeah, I think, well, I have wanted to get married since I can like, remember like when I was young and realized what marriage was, found out my mom got married at 18. I always wanted to be like your mom.

Yeah, I was like, I want to get married at 17. I'm a Koli Kota. And so that was like always a hope. I've always wanted to get married. And now I'm like 28, almost 29. So it's like 10 years past where I thought I, you know, hopefully would tie the knot. And so I remember it's so funny because I think the younger you are, the more discontent I feel like I find girls to be. And so I'll have girls in my dorm be like, I'm 20 and I don't think I'm ever going to get married.

And I'm like, you look so young. There's so much time. But I remember when I was that age and I really struggled with singleness. And when people would say like, oh, it's a gift, like it's OK. And I just I always really would think like that is a lie. Like, there's nothing good about this. Like, I don't see why it's a gift. But that is what scripture says. So that's a good thing that people told me. But I think it took a lot of time and a lot of like thinking about what I actually believe in when it comes to like wanting to get married and why I want to get married and all those things to get to the place I'm at today, where I do feel like I

have reached a level of contentment that I hadn't been at before. And of course it ebbs and flows, but I think I had to realize that I don't think, or I think that a man's love would be the best thing that could ever happen to me. Like that was something I think I believed. And so it was so devastating that that's never happening. But then I had to face that and just be like, well, God saved me and died on the cross for my sins. Like that's the best thing that could ever happen to me. And his love for me is like way better than any love a broken man could give me

and start to actually ask the Lord to help me to believe that. And those types of things, I feel like helped me truly like come to a place where I could believe, like if I'm single for the rest of my life, I'm good because the Lord is good and he's more than enough and truly satisfies. But we know all of those things, but you have to start to like dig into that and be like, do I actually believe this? I can say this all day, but how does that play out in my thoughts

and in different things like that? And so I think it's for sure a journey to, you know, work on that. What would you say is the difference between being content in your singleness? Like Paul says, And so I think it's for sure a journey to, you know, work on that. What would you say is the difference between being content in your singleness? Like Paul says, I've learned to be content in whatever circumstance. Content, not always being synonymous with I no longer want to be married. What's the difference? What's the line between being content and desiring to be married? Explain that to someone.

Yeah, I think that was another, I feel like there's so many steps from like, that was a big point where I think I had to realize that at one point I was like, it's fine if I don't get married, but Lord, I don't want to want to get married then. Like just take it all away. Take the desire away. Yeah, take the desire away so I can just chill, you know?

But it just like, I think I realized that that was the easy way out. I didn't have to trust the Lord if that was taken away. And so I think it's like, okay, one, marriage is not the point of our lives. It's a gift from the Lord and it's a good gift. It's a good thing to desire. But if you don't get it, I think a lot of people almost feel like I deserve it. And it's like, I'm not getting something I'm owed.

And I think that's a big hindrance in being content because it's just like then every day it's just like I have to try to deal with this thing that I should get that I don't have. But I think I also have to be like, OK, do I believe that God is good and that he does good to his people? That includes me. And so I think even trusting God's timing. And if I'm single right now, I have to believe that that that's the best for me or else something different would be happening because that's what God's word says. And so I think we have to, I challenge myself a lot. Like you say that you believe this about God, but you're thinking these things. You can't do both. So are you going to continue to dwell on something that doesn't align with scripture or are you going to challenge that and make sure that you're thinking on what's true?

And so I think that definitely comes into play with understanding like like, I would like to get married, but I trust the Lord. And if that's not where he has me right now, I'm content with where he has me. What are you think, you know, what you said is interesting as far as like reconciling what you believe to be true about the character of God with the situation that you're in. Like, I can't believe God is sovereign and good and loving and kind and has invested in my life. And yet also simultaneously feel like he's robbing me of life's greatest joy. Yeah. But how do you also look at that situation that you find yourself in in life and think about your life as a steward and going like,

maybe what are some of the ways that you feel like God has extended opportunities for you to steward your singleness? Yeah. of the ways that you feel like God has extended opportunities for you to steward your singleness in a way that I sometimes think people, you know, even talk about this in a way that goes like, you're trying to remedy a bad situation. Like, oh, but have you been able to do something single that you haven't been able to do married? But I think there's a real truth there, biblically speaking. And Paul says, hey, you can serve the Lord uninhibited. So what are some of the ways that you feel like God has extended opportunities for you to steward your singleness in ways that you're thankful for?

Yeah, that's a really good, I think in the past couple of years, I definitely have just been able to do, like being the Dean of Women, I'm also the resident director. So I live in the dorm with the girls. I couldn't do this job if I wasn't single. I couldn't do both of them.

And I love what I do. And it's amazing what the Lord has done. The opportunities I've got, the people I've gotten to know, the girls I've made relationships with, all those things. And the way that I can extend myself that I couldn't do if I was married or in a relationship. And so I think over the past couple years, I've really cherished singleness as a gift. Because I've seen firsthand that a lot of the things I'm doing right now that I love to do that I like don't want to give up I like couldn't do if I was married and so it's funny because I never thought I reached the other side where I'm like oh maybe

I want to stay single because I really like my setup right now or like you know you get you get used to like your thing and I'm like I don't want to be you know I could get I could go to the other side and be like lord don't bring anybody But I want whatever the Lord wants. But right now, I am enjoying the gift of that. And even, I mean, to be honest, you, you know, reach out to people who are married and they're like, let's go do this. And they're like, oh, let me check with my husband, which is like, great. And I want to support that. But there is like, like, it's nice that I don't have to do that at this time. And there are freedoms and things that you have being single. So I'm, I'm enjoying those things now. Okay. So I think maybe have two things for you as I'm thinking, and obviously there's a level of friendship here. So like, I, I know you and I want to reconcile two realities. Number one would be a trust in the character of God that he's good and sovereign. You know you want to get married, but you're not right now.

Then there's this other side where you also understand that there's these freedoms that are extended to you. You feel like, yeah, I can see the benefits and I recognize those benefits. Those are good. Now, where do those things come together in a sense where you can express to god uh like do you pray for a husband what does that look like you know even we live in a you know there's even like this type of an idea that if you're really trusting the lord you won't mention it to anybody and it'll be the secret between you and god that you want to be married yeah so which is not biblically accurate it's, doesn't have to be a secret between you and the Lord.

I would actually like to be married. So where does that trust, that contentness come together where you go, well, this is how I pray. And this is even now I'm honest and transparent with other people that this is my desire and it's not happening right now, but I'll continue to trust the Lord until it does. Yeah. If it does. Yeah.

If it does. That's one thing I always say. People are like, oh, you'll get married. And I'm like, I might not. And that's okay. That's the thing that bugs me. But, um, like everyone's like, no, you're going to get married. And I'm like, you don't know God's plan for my life. Um, but I think that I, I've learned to, um, to express that. Yeah. I like, I go through seasons. I don't pray every day that the Lord would send me a husband, which is nothing wrong with that. But I do have times where I pray about that more often,

that like, man, Lord, this is your will. Like, I'd love for this to happen. And like, but I think because I also see how the Lord's using me, that I know that like there's a balance there where I know that if that were to come, that would be God's will. And so I know that if that were to come, that would be God's will. And so I could take that path and and leave all of this behind that I get to do while I'm single.

But if it's not, then I keep to I get to keep doing what I love. And so I don't know if that answers your question. It makes sense. It's prayer or marriage is a component of your prayer, but it's not a preoccupation of your mind where you're pining away for something you don't have, missing what's right in front of you. But at the same time, you're not, oh, if God brings it, he will without actually thinking about it. So it's a healthy balance. It's definitely there. And sometimes the balance is off and it's something that's on my

mind more often than not. And so it changes. But I think as I've grown and the Lord sanctified me, I've seen that. I've seen it level out where I feel like I'm more content than not, which is awesome. The Lord's really faithful in that. So, yeah. Well, Brie, that's super helpful for just for a lot of people. And obviously we talk about singleness as if it's like a you know like a peripheral thing in the church but statistically 50 of people in the church are single so um so we need to know how to approach this biblically and with wisdom so thank you for your time yeah for sure