Dial In with Jonny Ardavanis - God's Design for Marriage and Sexuality | Paul Twiss and Jonny Ardavanis

Episode Date: July 29, 2025

Are you waiting for the "perfect" financial situation or career milestone before getting married? Dr. Paul Twiss reveals why this dangerous mindset is causing young Christians to miss out on one of God's best gifts.🎯 KEY TAKEAWAYS:-Marriage is an exclusive, permanent union between one man and one woman-Delaying marriage for career/financial milestones often leads to endless delays-Your marriage should be a testimony to others, especially young people-Biblical marriage is directly connected to raising children-Studies show marriage is the #1 indicator of life happinessBIBLICAL FOUNDATION:This conversation dives deep into Genesis 1-2, Matthew 19, and Ephesians to show how marriage reflects Christ and the Church. Learn why marriage isn't just a cultural construct but God's ordained design for human flourishing.FOR YOUNG SINGLES: Stop waiting for perfect circumstances. Trust God's timing and provision in marriage.FOR MARRIED COUPLES: Display the joy and goodness of marriage to inspire the next generation.

So I want to talk about marriage and the goodness of it from a biblical perspective. And then maybe we can look at, even within the story of Genesis, how marriage is distorted, our sexuality is distorted. You can try and have all of the benefits of marriage without entering into marriage. It's not going to serve you well because God makes plain an exclusive and a permanent union between one man and one woman, that's marriage. And he gives that to us as one of his best gifts, this side of glory. Something I see with young people is that they will delay marriage and they do it on one of two reasons.

They'll either say we don't have enough means yet to get married or they'll create a milestone within their careers and we'll say we're just going to get to this milestone and then we'll enter into these things. It's a dangerous thing to do. The risk is, and I've seen this happen, they get to the milestone and they'll say, you know what? maybe that's not quite enough and it gets pushed back further and it keeps getting pushed back and you're just missing out on one of god's best gifts well welcome back to the dialin ministries podcast i'm sitting here with dr paul twist you know we previously talk through how genesis provides the framework not only for our understanding of scripture but for our life as we live it who we are being

an image bearer, we're made in the image of God. Can you just once again maybe define what you meant when you said that we're made in the image of God? Yeah, primarily the idea there is that we are his representatives. To be an image bearer is to represent God. Yeah. Now, you mentioned, and I like the terminology that you employed, that there is at the beginning of scripture, and I like even that idea of a drum beat, a cadence, a metronome, just the boom, boom, boom, it's that God makes, he speaks, it comes into being, and it was good. Yes. I love the way you friends, at the opening section of scripture where you mentioned that there is a metronome

or a drumbeat to the story of scripture that God is speaking and then things are coming into being and it's good. He makes man but then at Genesis 2 he says that there is something that is not good. And he says it's not good for man

to be alone. I've married several individuals. You're a pastor. You marry people. I always start that way because it helps me ground the reality of marriage, not in a cultural construct, but as a biblical representation of it's God ordained for God's

glory. So I want to talk about marriage and the goodness of it from a biblical perspective. And then maybe we can look at, even within the story of Genesis, how marriage is distorted, our sexuality is distorted. We were, I think, I forget who said that maybe Paul Tripp says we were sexual before we were sinful.

And that God made man and woman to be together. And that was a part of his intention to design from the beginning. But let's just talk big ideas. marriage. Yeah, I mean, you hit upon it. The goodness of marriage is what we see in the first few chapters of the Bible. When we read that there was something not good, it doesn't mean that sin has entered him. It really is a literary device to show us how good God's plan is by bringing man and woman together in the first ever marriage. And that, just like everything else we've

been talking about, it lays a foundation for our understanding, for the rest of scripture and for life. And the point is this, God's design is an exclusive and a permanent union between one man and one woman. That's the definition of marriage. And that's where we experience God's goodness. If we pursue anything that isn't that, and we try and call it marriage, we may try and pretend it's marriage, it's not, and it's not going to be for our good. So, you know, you can have, you can try and have all of the benefits of marriage without entering into marriage, it's not going to serve you well. You can try and change the form of it. You can try and change the definition of it. None of it is going to be for our good because God makes plain an exclusive and a permanent union between one man

and one woman, that's marriage, and he gives that to us as one of his best gifts, this side of glory. And if you fast forward to Jesus' teaching of marriage in the New Testament in Matthew 19, he picks up exactly on that argument. And the implications today would be, you know, as I look at people in our church who are married, I want to say to them, there may be difficulties in your marriage. You're two sinners, and so guess what, you sin. But don't let your sin, your failure as a husband or a wife, redefine your understanding of the relationship, the institution that you're a part of. The institution of marriage is inherently good because it comes from God who is good. That's the goodness of marriage. And if you can hold on to that, it's actually

going to help you better fulfill your role as a husband or wife. I think Christians get into problems in marriage when they start to allow their behavior or perhaps the expectations that they have of their spouse to define their understanding of the relationship. And they think that marriage as an entity, as an institution, is flawed or is defective because they're experiencing trouble within their marriage. It's inherently good because it comes from God. And if you're following God's plan, an exclusive an opponent union between one man and one woman, you are in a very, very good place. So going back to what we talked about previously, you mentioned that, you know, one of the things that Genesis does is it helps us to see the beauty of the story God is writing.

Let's use that, you know, and gild our perspective of marriage with that element of beauty, right? So like from a dramatic, you know, grand narrative perspective, let's talk marriage. So there's a beauty of it. God's going to tie in the central metaphor of Jesus Christ with this church to that of a marriage. The church is the bride of Christ. Let's elevate maybe man's perspectives because sometimes you said, I think when I was listening to you preach on the subject that people don't really have an elevated perspective of marriage.

So you mentioned they get into it. They find out it's difficult because they've never tethered their worldview of it to the reality that it's God authored. It's good and it's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, even going back to the image bearing concept, consider this. God says, let us make man in our image, and then he makes male and female.

So that alone is part of our successful image bearing, that he makes us male and female. There is there a, we might say, a diversity or a plurality within humanity, male and female, that enables us to fulfill our own. role as representatives of God, image bearing. When male and female come together in a marriage, by God's design, that is one sphere in which we can represent him and find satisfaction. I mean, I'll often say marriage is the grace of life. I mean, salvation and then God gives us marriage, it's incredible that he would give us someone to serve for as many days as he would allow in this unique relationship

which has no other parallel in any of our other earthly relationships. My friendship with you doesn't come nearly as close in terms of quality and blessing as my marriage to my wife or a family relationship between a father and a son.

As rich and as meaningful as that is, God's design is that marriage is set apart and unique from even those good relationships. And the wonder of it when we get to Ephesians is that as God ordained marriage, he actually had in mind the relationship between Christ and the church. So there again, we learn something about God's goodness to us in giving us that marriage. The benefit or the goodness of marriage is so multifaceted. one of the things that I always am burdened to show to young couples as they prepare for marriage

is that your marriage you're going to enjoy your marriage it's going to be a blessing to you but it should also be the case that the people around you the society you're in should have a blessing from your marriage your marriage is supposed to benefit society those around you and one of the ways it does that is to portray the relationship between Christ and the church. So it's just fascinating. As you look at the studies that keep coming out concerning the institution of marriage

and the benefit of being in a marriage, studies that are being conducted by people who have no particular burden to make the conclusions they're making. So not necessarily Christians. And consistently, these studies are showing us that one of the leading indicators of happiness is marriage. More than perceived financial success or material wealth or academic

success, far and above anything like that, one of the leading indicators of happiness in life is marriage. If you're in a marriage, you tend to be happier than those that aren't. those that have chosen to perhaps cohabit with someone or pursue something that isn't God's plan for man and woman. There was a study that came out just last week. One of the key or the primary indicator for quote-unquote success in a child's life when he grows up and leaves the home, relational success, financial success, all these different metrics that they measured is that he grew up in a two-parent

home. That is the leading indicator for how his life will go. Now look, God's grace can work in incredible ways. I'm the product of a broken home, and I'm thankful for God's grace in my life. But what these studies are showing, and my point is, they just keep testifying to God's goodness in giving us the gift of marriage. And so the implications, you know, again, as I look at our church what are we to do with this i want to speak much about the goodness of marriage i want to tell our married folks come to church on a sunday holding each other's hands smiling why because there are hundreds of young hearts that have been entrusted to us at bethany bible church all of these children they're growing up in the church praise the lord but they are forming conclusions based on what

they see. And I want them to see and to keep forming the conclusion that marriage is a really good thing. So you portray the reality, which is that marriage is a gift, hold your spouse's hand and smile. If you give the impression that your marriage is a burden, why would these young people run towards it as they grow up? They're going to start to form the conclusion. Marriage isn't fun. Why would I want to go towards marriage? I want them to be eager and excited to find their spouse. So it's our responsibility to project and to portray the goodness of marriage, to speak often about marriage. I would even encourage parents to be thinking through what are your aspirations, your desires for your child, and speak often to them about marriage. So, I mean, I see

that we have in the West created, I think, many idols for our children that we put in front of them. And education would be one of them. So don't mishear me. I love learning. I was very blessed to receive a great education, the opportunity to study, and I am all for that. But what I see is

often parents prioritizing education so much with little to no thought about what happens when you graduate college. And the statistics show if you have not found your spouse by them, the chances kind of drop off pretty rapidly. College is a wonderful time to find a spouse. And so, you know, we talk to our children often. We want you to go to college.

We think it's a wonderful thing. We want you to get a good degree. Hey, and we would love for that to be somewhere where you find your spouse. And we're just going to pray to that end. I want my children to get married young. I want them to assume all of the responsibilities and the privileges of marriage as early as they can. Something I see with young people is that they will delay marriage. And they often delay after marriage.

They'll delay having children. And they do it on one of two reasons. They'll either say we don't have enough means yet to get married. or to start having children. So they create an arbitrary line in their bank account. When we get to this amount, that's when we'll be ready to get married or to have kids. Or they'll create a milestone within their careers and we'll say, we're just going to get to this milestone and then we'll enter into these things.

It's a dangerous thing to do. When you create these arbitrary lines that you feel like you have to cross before you walk into the responsibilities and the privileges of marriage and then parenthood the risk is and i've seen this happen people make it to their milestone that they determined and they'll say because of the because of the attitude with which they created that they get to the milestone and they'll say you know what maybe that's not quite enough resources in the bank maybe just a little bit more and it gets push back further and it keeps getting pushed back and you're just missing out on one of God's best gifts to delay marriage think about having children when Jesus taught about eunuchs in

Matthew 19 we talk about singleness why might you choose not to get married that's what he's essentially saying that here's some reasons why you might choose not to get married all of the reasons he gives, all three reasons he gives has to do with not having children. So that's profound. Jesus is showing us his understanding of marriage is intimately connected with the role of raising children. He assumes if you're going to get married, you're going to be raising kids. Now look, I'm not talking here about people that desperately want to get married and they haven't found a spouse. Or people that desperately want kids and can't help. Right. I'm not talking about people that are married would love to have children and for whatever reason they can't.

I'm talking about the young couple who are delaying marriage or have entered into marriage and are saying, not yet for kids. And they delay and they delay and they delay. It is such a good gift from God for you to be found in an exclusive and a permanent union between one man and one woman. And as the Lord allows for you to be raising children, that's God's goodness. I just want to encourage people to run towards that, trusting the Lord. And sure, it's not easy. Again, two sinners coming together to spend their lives together. It's not easy. But you have to reshape your understanding of what a blessing is. The hard times, that's where God teaches you. That's where God shapes you. That's

his goodness towards you. You shouldn't be trying to avoid those things. That's equipping you in so many ways to live life well. So all of that to say, God has given us such a precious gift with the institution of marriage and society depends upon it. I mean, just at a very, very simple level, societies continue, they are dependent on people being married and having children. And that is, again, the net benefit, the benefit that people around you feel as you enter into this institution and you have children. And I just want to encourage the church to be more mindful

of communicating God's goodness in marriage and in raising children. Displaying that, you mentioned holding hands. Putting it on display. Yeah, you know, I think, you know, sometimes we do wonder like, hey, why is the next generation getting married a decade later

than the generation that preceded it? And it's, well, because maybe sometimes the marriages that were modeled for them didn't seem that happy at all. Why would you envy something that seemed miserable? Yeah. I think even two regarding the children, and I'm really glad you touched on this.

You know, when Katie and I, you know, I did not get married until I was 27. So I left a, you know, master's university unmarried. I was, you know, everyone's good luck, you know. I was so thankful to meet my wife and we wanted kids, you know, fairly quickly. And we had people that were married in the church that came and said, you know, like, just give it a couple years, give it a few years. And I understand where they're coming from. But when Katie and I got pregnant a year after we got married,

we had people in our life that we love and trust that we're like oh just say goodbye to date nights say goodbye to traveling you know you're just entering into the season it's going to be really difficult you know when anybody ever asked us how how it's going as a parent and we always and we've made a conscious decision not in a fake way to say it's the best yes kids are the best right we want more yep you know we had a baby six weeks ago we're already ready you know like obviously the lord brings children yeah we walk through a season where we couldn't have kids and we have friends that want to kids and can't have kids. But when anybody

ever asks us, how's it going with your family? I want a champion. It's the best. Absolutely. And I think even that type of spirit is pretty absent because, you know, I'm so busy and I'm raising kids and it sounds like, dude, are you okay? You know, like

to people when they talk about their family, even in a Christian environment. And I think part of the issue is this. The day in which we live, we receive so much information and we allow, as Christians, we can so easily allow the world to define for us what constitutes happiness.

And so I'm thinking about the person who is spending too much time looking at social media, receiving a worldview that is not biblical, and allowing that worldview to redefine their understanding of what happiness means. Be in the church, just be in the church, be in the word, be in prayer and allow the scriptures to define your worldview. Understand what God has deemed to be good and what his blessings look like.

And what you'll find is that in terms of this life here and now, marriage is right there at the center of it. Salvation in Christ, obedience to him, and then that institution of one man, one woman, exclusive and permanent relationship, that's God's goodness. It is. And you called it the grace of life. And for me, you know, it's not just like something people say as a PR move, you know, for their wife. It's like, this is the greatest gift, you know, that God has given to me. And I think my dad said that when he married, you know, did the ceremony for Katie and I. And then now in retrospect, you've been married longer than I have, but you go, it's true. And here's the wonder of it.

We've been married 18 years by God's kindness. We have six children. and I would say the longer we're married, the better it gets. I mean, when I marry somebody, when I perform the ceremony, I can see how happy they are on the day and I think you have no idea

how good this is going to get. It just keeps getting better. One of the blessings of marriage is its enduring nature. And as God sanctifies husband and wife together, as he leads them through trials together, you just keep tasting more and more of his goodness in the design of marriage.

It's so good, I'm so thankful for my wife, and you said it's in God's kindness because the Lord, he who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. And so that's so helpful. Now, in the next episode, and I'll just cue it up. I just want to maybe talk about some of the aberrations we see right away in the book of Genesis

for how the world distorts marriage, sexuality. You said it's one man, one woman, the covenant of marriage there is no other thing there's no marriage other than that's right and we live in a world that's constantly trying to redefine that so paul thank you so much yeah my pleasure