Dial In with Jonny Ardavanis - Paul Washer - What is God's design for sex?

Episode Date: July 8, 2022

Jonny Ardavanis is the Dean of Campus Life at The Master’s University and hosts the podcast Dial In with Jonny Ardavanis. He is passionate about the Gospel and God’s Word and desires to see people understand and obey it. Dial In with Jonny Ardavanis: Big Questions, Biblical Answers, is a series that seeks to provide biblical answers to some of the most prominent and fundamental questions regarding God, the Gospel, and the BibleIn this episode Paul Washer, from HeartCry Missionary Society answers the question: “What is God's design for sex?"Subscribe to stay up to date with each episode! Watch VideosVisit the Website Follow on InstagramFollow on Twitter

Hey guys, my name is Johnny Artavanis and this is Dial In. In this episode, I sit down with my friend Paul Washer, the director and founder of the Heart Crime Missionary Society, and I ask him about God's design for sex. Let's dial in. Paul, we live in a world of sexual perversion. It's filled with immorality. And sometimes we can begin to be confused that the world invented sex. But what we know biblically is that sex was something that was designed by God. Can you talk to us about God's design for sex and why it's so

important that we have a biblical understanding of it? Yeah, first of all, it was designed by God. And I think that the thing that makes the difference between the wrong view and the right view is with the right view, sex is not an end in itself. Even the pleasure of sex is not an end in itself. Even the pleasure of sex is not an end in itself. If you remember when Adam and Eve sinned, what happened? They covered themselves. But I believe they didn't merely cover themselves from God. They covered themselves from each other. That's what sin does. It destroys intimacy. Okay? So if we're talking about sex just as a physical pleasure with no other goal in mind, well, it's animal.

All right? But if sex has a higher purpose, not taking away from the physical delight of sex, but if sex has a higher purpose, and that is to increase my emotional, spiritual animal pleasure becomes then twisted and dark and selfish. But when sex is designed to take a man and a woman and make them more one, make them more intimate, make them more giving and receiving, then you see something very, very beautiful. So the end of sex is greater relational intimacy that the wife and the man emotionally, spiritually become a part of each other, become one. And that's what makes it beautiful. When that is removed, when that is removed, it becomes animal. So I've told even my sons this because my daughters are still young. But I've warned them that entering into a relationship with a girl

that there's not the intention or the commitment to marry, even if they're sharing feelings with one another, they're holding hands or the farthest they go is to hug one another, they're creating a bond of intimacy. You say, well, it's harmless. Well, not really when you think about it. Why? They're creating a bond of intimacy and that's what marriage is about.

So if they're just kind of boyfriend and girlfriend and they break up, guess what happens? It's kind of like the boy is going to leave part of himself with that girl and the girl is going to leave part of herself with that boy in the end and there's intimacy shared that almost can never be removed and so one of the most important things is that it's not just that we remain chase physically but we remain chase with regard to entering into an intimate relationship with another person. You want to go to that altar. Like people always think going to the altar complete, which means physically chaste, but you can have all these emotional relationships with people

and it's as though you're taking them to the altar with you. Do you see? Yeah. Now, Paul, even what you're saying, you know, I think there's so many different ways that parents or pastors approach the conversation of sex with students and their own children. Can you talk just as we close about communicating the beauty of sex without stoking curiosity in it? Because I think people grow up going, if they're in the church, that's bad. Don't talk about it. that's a mommy and a daddy thing and it becomes something that is so private and curious talk about the beauty of it and yet protecting curiosity first of all there is a danger of awaking that there is a

there is a time in a child's life for innocence. They need to be thinking about dolls or Tonka trucks or things like that. And we need to guard that. And each child is different. But when you're in prayer, you're reading the Word, the parent's renewing his mind, it looks like it's time. And with each child that can be different according to their maturity. Here's what I would suggest. First of all, you need to explain it very, very carefully,

explain it biblically, put the emphasis on the intimacy, the relationship, the commitment. Show how this is a beautiful thing because of the commitment. Show how this is a beautiful thing because of the commitment. And when the commitment and the intimacy isn't there, it's no longer a beautiful thing, it's a wrong thing. But here's what I would really warn about. This is gonna happen almost every time I've seen this.

The moment you have that conversation, it's after that conversation that you really need to guard your child because their curiosity is going to be piqued. And that's where you need to have safeguards on the internet and all kinds of things because the child has just heard this. And so they may type in something because they just want to know more about what it is. And all of a sudden, there you go. They've just been bombarded with things they should never see.

Well, that's awful. It's so important that we understand God's design for sex. And then there's a wisdom and discernment, as you're saying, in how we navigate and approach and protect even our children and people in our ministry? It's not a question. I mean, even someone who puts all the safeguards down, it's not a question of if they're going to be confronted with something. It's a question of when. And here's the thing that you really want to put out there. It's beautiful because the end goal is intimacy. It's sharing. It's self-giving.

Okay. And when, and it's a commitment. And when that commitment's not there, then it turns into something ugly. And that can only happen, as you're saying, in marriage. Right. In marriage. I told my boys this. I said, should a married man keep himself pure from a relationship with other women?

And they said, of course, Dad. And I said, you know, one of my, I think my son was 12 and I said, so you're 12.

Let's say that, do you think you'll marry a girl 12 years younger than you? And he said, so you're 12. Let's say that, do you think you'll marry a girl 12 years younger than you? And he said, no. I said, what's the average? You know, it's about five, isn't it? Six, eight, something like that. Three, two. I said, guess what, son? Your wife is alive right now somewhere. And you need to remain pure for her because she's alive somewhere and you need to pray for her and you can't guard her physically but you need to be guarding her in prayer you need to be lifting her up i want my young men i want them interceding for their wives maybe 20 years before they meet them yeah and I want them maintaining loyalty to God,

but also loyalty to the woman they are going to marry. So helpful and so clear. Thank you, Paul. And they feel noble. Yeah, in the process. Yeah, they feel like, yes, you know, I need to do that. It makes boys men when they view sex that way. Yeah.

It's important. And commitment and loyalty is what makes any man a man. It's not how big his biceps are. It's not even if he's tremendously bold. It's loyalty that makes a man a man. Thank you, Paul.