Dial In with Jonny Ardavanis - What You Need To Know About Biblical Friendship with Brianna Harris

Episode Date: August 6, 2024

Jonny Ardavanis is the Pastor of Stonebridge Bible Church in Franklin, Tennessee and hosts the podcast Dial In with Jonny Ardavanis. He is passionate about the Gospel and God’s Word and desires to see people understand and obey it. Dial In with Jonny Ardavanis: Big Questions, Biblical Answers, is a series that seeks to provide biblical answers to some of the most prominent and fundamental questions regarding God, the Gospel, and the Bible.In this episode, Jonny Ardavanis sits down with Brianna Harris, the Dean of Women at the Masters University, to discuss the reality of biblical friendships. Brie shares her insights on the importance of friendship, common pitfalls, and best practices from a biblical perspective. Together they explore how friendships can sometimes become idols, the danger of self-centered relationships, and the need for intentionality in pointing each other towards Christ. Bri also touches on the balance between fun and godliness, the misconception of having to be friends with everyone, and the value of deep, meaningful connections. Dial in as Jonny and Bri dive into these vital aspects of Christian community and learn how to navigate friendships with wisdom and grace.Topics Covered:- The importance of friendship in community- Common pitfalls in friendships, such as idolizing friends and self-centeredness- The need for intentional, Christ-centered relationships- Practical ways to encourage and support friends in their faith- Balancing fun and godliness in friendships- The distinction between acquaintances and true friends- The value of having a few deep, meaningful friendships over many superficial onesWatch VideosVisit the Website Pre-order Consider the LiliesFollow on Instagram

Bree, thanks for sitting down. Why don't you tell everybody what you do for a living, and then we'll jump into our question for today. Yeah, I work at the Master's University. I am the Dean of Women and a Resident Director. Bree is one of my good friends, so it's awesome to be able to sit down with you. Bree, I wanted to talk about the reality of biblical friendships. Everybody lives life, hopefully in some sense of community, they have people around them. Maybe just talk about the importance of friendship, even as you navigate your relationship with the students that you work with at the Master's University. What are some good practices? What are some pitfalls of friendships? What are some maybe habits or ideas that people fall into that they should be aware of from a biblical perspective?

Yeah, I'll start with pitfalls. I think one of the biggest things that I see is that students or anyone can look to their friendships for things that only God can give. And so they idolize them. They want comfort in them. They look to them for stability. They look to them for identity toize them. They want comfort in them. They look to them for stability. They look to them for identity to satisfy them. And that can cause a lot of issues because then you have these expectations of people that they can't meet. And so they're always letting you down in that sense.

So I think that's a really big issue that I see. Just in regards to maybe people looking to their friends as like maybe the messiah of their problems or? Yeah, I think there are different ways that it can come out. And so I think if you are even just like there are some people who are like, I have to have like a friend group. And if I don't have a group of friends, then what does that say about me? Or they feel lesser than because they don't have, you know, five people they consistently hang out with and or that they look to them and that's how they find their identity, you know, is that they have a friend group or you see it and when they see that they're friends or they want them to fulfill certain things where, you know, it's like you have to look to the Lord for to be your comforter or like to help you through certain things your

friend can't fulfill all of those those ideas. So that would be one of the pitfalls of friendship. Okay. Another one I would say is that we put ourselves at the center of friendship. And so it's all about what do these people give me rather than how can I serve other people? And I think, you know, the idea of to love your neighbor as yourself. So many people think like, oh, I have to love myself more so I can love other people better. But that's not a biblical idea. I think we have to remember that sin inherently is that we are so focused. And so is that we already love ourselves so much. And so we should love other people sacrificially the way that we care for ourselves. And so it's not about what can this person give me, but how can I serve other people? Yeah, I think that's important. I think probably

our tendency in the flesh is to kind of think through our relationships with what are people going to contribute or serve me. And it's probably a backwards way of thinking because it also inevitably robs us of our joy. Because if we start looking at our relationships through the perspective of what are people offering me, we become disappointed when they aren't maybe contributing in that regard. I think it was Corrie Ten Boom who talks about friendship, and she says, if you're unhappy with your lot in life or your friendships or relationships, build a service station on it. But it is very easy to become me-centered.

Yes. Okay, what else? I think some of the things that we need to do a better job is have friends around us who actually point us to Christ. I think there's so much in like a biblical community that we let, like we say this is okay or that's okay, where, you know, maybe we make all these jokes with our friends, but we're all Christians, so it's fine in this context. Or there's not an edifying or pointing to Christ in those friendships. And so I think we need to do a better job at pursuing holiness. We need to pursue Christ and we need other people to point us to Christ in that. And then what does that look like, practically speaking, like if you're going to try

to push your friend towards a greater love for Jesus and a love for his word? Is that like, hey, so-and-so, Sarah, Bob, how's it going in your time in the word? Like, what does that look like practically? What do you want your friends to do with you proactively? For sure. I think one thing is I want us to have, like, open, honest friendship where we're talking about things we're struggling with. And so that way when we do get together, it can be like, oh, hey, how's that going? I've been praying for that thing.

So being able to share and, like, welcome people into your life and then as well as those questions being intentional. been praying for that thing. So being able to share and like welcome people into your life. And then as well as those questions of being intentional, like, yeah, how is your time in the word going or being willing to stop certain things that aren't, you know, we talked about gossip before, stop those conversations or if things aren't helpful that we're able to even help each other know how to navigate that. And so I think, I think those are ways that we could do that better. You talked about even kind of that idea with that. And so I think those are ways that we could do that better. You talked about even kind of that idea with like Christian friendships. I think sometimes there's like the assumption that, well, we know how to have a godly conversation if we had to have one. But there sometimes tends to be a lack of intentionality in our relationships between

people that know the Lord, just because people kind of assume that if it is something serious or if there is something going on in your life, then I would know. But, you know, we're kind of just status quo. What are some of maybe the ways that even like, do you feel like you have to have like a extra intentionality with your friends? Like, hey, guys, I feel like we're not necessarily being intentional. We're just kind of coasting relationally. Do you kind of feel like you have like moments that are tuning amongst your friendships to be like, hey, we're not necessarily being intentional. We're just kind of coasting relationally. Do you kind of feel like you have like moments that are tuning amongst your friendships to be like, hey, we're just kind of hanging. I don't even know if you could call this fellowship

because it's just, we're doing what an unbeliever does. We're just maybe not partaking in the sins of the world, but it doesn't make this any more Christ-like than maybe what you would see in the New Testament. Yeah, I think there definitely are moments where that happens and it can be hard to step into that because so many people are people pleasers and they don't want to ruffle any feathers or whatever. Yeah, be that guy.

Yes, where you're like, you know, the killjoy. Mr. Godly. Yes, but then at the same time, it's like, well, do we want to pursue godliness? So sometimes I think you have to have those conversations or maybe you need to reevaluate your friendships because you don't want to spend all of your time with people who never talk about the Lord or point you to Christ in some ways. And that doesn't mean you can't have fun. Like you can honor God and have fun. I'm like the funnest guy.

Yeah, I'm as fun as it gets. So I think that there's a balance there. So I think sometimes it does call for us to maybe have a conversation here and there. And then maybe just like one thing, and finally, in regards to like the friendship dynamic, I think sometimes like when I was growing up, there was the, I grew up in youth group culture, you know, in the early 2000s, everything was a click, you know, like it's a click, it's a click. I think kind of looking back now, I go, well, Jesus had 70 disciples, then he had 12 disciples, and he had Peter, James, and John, and then he had the disciple that he loved. So there is a level of intimacy that you should

have with certain people. I think sometimes in a Christian context, there's the pressure to be friends with everybody. Who are your friends? Well, I have 1,400 friends on Facebook. And then you go, I have friends with all of these people. They all deserve equal amounts of my time and I deserve an equal amount of their time. Maybe even just the priority and necessity of going like, you need to have your life known by certain people in depth. Yeah. And that's what real friendship is. It's not, I think we've really dissolved the distinction between an acquaintance and

a friendship. So true. And maybe just speak to that. Yeah, I think that is really dissolved the distinction between an acquaintance and a friendship. So true. And maybe just speak to that. Yeah, I think that is a very good point. There are people who will say, like, oh, I know her super well. And I'm like, how long have you known her? When's the last time you talked to her? Six months ago?

Exactly. You're a liar. I think we definitely over-exaggerate. And I think one way to look at it, too, is is like, who do you go to church with? Like who's in your circle? Who's in your Bible study? Like who can you be intentional to get to know that you're just going to naturally be around?

And then I think in my context too, it's like who naturally comes to me? There are some people that want just time and so then I can develop those friendships. But I do think you have to be careful because you can't go deep with everybody. And so I think it does take attentionality and, honestly, discernment on how to do that. Yeah, I think it's funny because especially in, like, a Christian environment, like, there are guys that get married that are like, I know how to narrow it down.

So I got 16 groomsmen. You know, you're like, well, I understand that you have a handful of friends, but, like, I also think there's something healthy and normal about these guys know my life. Paul had a Timothy. Yeah. And there's these relationships that you see. And I think that comes from priority. Yeah. Like, I think, once again, if you want to be the person who just seems like they have a lot of friends, then, like, your priority is different and you're just going to be spread. Or even there are maybe under the false, I would say like biblical idea that you need to be equally close with everyone.

Yeah, with everyone. Yeah. And it's like sometimes people, you know, people would say like, oh, it seems like you're closest with them. And I think now I'm coming to the realization. Yes, I am. Yes, that's not a negative thing. They're some of my best friends.

For sure. And these are the people I invest in. They're the people that invest in me. Yeah. And I think there's a biblical precedent for that. And I think people need to feel the freedom to go, these are the people I'm pouring my life into. And these are the people where if I have a free night, these are the people I want to hang out with. Yeah. But I think sometimes on a fear of exclusion, the pathway to true intimacy is never kind of – you never find it.

Yeah. Because you're always trying to build bridges with everybody. Yes. I think that's a good point. And that goes back to like the self-seeking like friend is that you – even when people sometimes are like excluded from something. But if you're like thinking rightly, you don't see it as like an exclusion. It's like, oh, they have deep friendship. They've known each other longer.

It doesn't have to be a personal attack on me if I get invited to something. Which is a whole other conversation. Everything is a personal attack. Everything's a personal attack. You didn't like my photo. Yeah. Well, Brie, thanks so much for your perspective and input in this regard. I appreciate you and your friendship.

I hope you would consider me a friend. Yeah, you're a friend well thank you for sitting down yeah no problem