Dice Shame - 135 | 'Go Down Well'

Episode Date: May 12, 2022

Comedy, action and a whole lot of shaming come together in Dice Shame, an Actual Play Podcast of Storm King's Thunder by Wizards of the Coast! Join our GM Jo; her partner Harlan, his brother Alex & their best friends Justin and Rob as they tackle the daunting world of Faerun in this legendary adventure module!Dice Shame is a podcast that welcomes its audience to the gaming table. Like the games they play at home, they try not to take themselves too seriously. The show aims to be entertaining, inclusive, and irreverent, while still taking the rules (somewhat) seriously. Join us every Thursday morning for brand new episodes available on all major platforms including; Spotify, iTunes, Google Play and more! If you haven't checked it out yet... what are you waiting for?!?Content Warning: swearing, violence, horror, mental illness and suicide. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I don't see anybody following us. Does evil Krayloff miswiggleworms, though? If you don't want to come. What if we just went further south? That was rude. Hey guys. It's been annotated pretty well. Ah, too, talk, docada.

I think I'll just wait and see ya. But how far down is the well? I'm not repeating that. Oh, oh dear strings. I find you with you. I'm really nervous. Krayloff subtly hands you a flash. Look at me, I'm getting beheaded.

Oh, beyond as well. I get it. Yes, in your face, store! Welcome back to Dyshame. This is episode 135, go down well. MVP this week is Sharpie, who's been posting their totally normal feelings in the form of red fan art. Sharpie is still working their way

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at your leisure. Thanks to all of you for your understanding and for your support. Thanks so much. All right, should we get down to business. Let's do it. Two days of travel east and south through the edges of the high forest brings you roughly to the place marked on Harshnag's map listed as Bayerunas well. It's been snowing nearly the entire time and thick blankets of it cover the ground except places where the coniferous trees grow especially close.

God, I'm so sick of snow. Yeah, me too. Remember the first time we came up here? It was all like, wow, new and special and pleasant. I'm tired of it. Yeah, when's spring coming, Jack? How many more hours? Yeah, Jack.

So today's the eighth of hammer, which means we've just got Alturiac and Chess to go through before the spring equinox on the 19th. But usually it's not too warm up here until you get to at least green grass at the end of Tarsix. So we're a couple of months away. Wait, green grass is warm?

Yeah. So the name isn't ironic. No. What if we just went further south? What if we just told all the giants to go south and then we can just fight them there? I promise you there's giants in the south too. It's just that there isn't an oracle in the spine of the world in the south, and that's where we need to go after Barone as well.

But, I mean, if it's too far and you'd rather do something else, I'm sure Kieran and I could make it there. Oh. You don't want us to come with you. If you don't want to come. Oh. Is he being serious? No, he's just messing with us.

Doran approaches the three of you. He's trailing behind and he's walking backwards. He's kind of looking through the trees. He's still got this concern that they're being followed by these assassins. He's just being extra careful. I don't see anybody following us And I'll tell you what It's a lot more difficult

To follow us in the summer With the trees that are full So I don't know I don't mind the cold As long as I can see who's following us Look Doran It's big cities We want to stay away from

For the dark tide The forests like this It's not really where they're red and butter They're definitely strongest around cities Really? Yeah Okay, well Yeah but there's other things in the forest red Yeah like lions and tigers

and owl bears? Oh, my. You come across some footprints in the snow. Their edges are muted by the recent storm. Hey, what the hell's this? Red bends down. Can I roll a tracking? Yeah, roll survival. Great.

That would be a two plus eight. Oh, yeah. That's terrible. You're not sure how long ago these were left. Probably not more than a day. go based on how much snow has been coming down. Krayloff is flipping his mace up and down in his hand

like no one can see that Justin. Like flipping it up and around? There's going to be a great sound effect there, don't worry. They know, they can see it. The theater of mind. Looks like someone came through here. Can I see the number of tracks or just one person?

Yeah, roll perception. Oh, that's a 19 plus 6. Hey, that's better. Nicely done. Yeah, you can't gain any information from the tracks that you see directly in front of you, but you cast a quick eye around and you see that there's actually a lot more footprints just off to your left. Hmm. We might want to be careful here. Dwarves from Jalenthor? Possibly, but I don't think so. They would have had to come before us somehow. Could be elves. We're in the high forest. So we're heading through the forest and, well, we haven't even come across path or anything.

We've just come across these footprints. Yeah, you guys are using Harshnegg's hastily scrawled giant map and trying to figure out where this final spirit mound is. It's been annotated pretty well. I mean, I feel like I'm pretty sure where we're going. It's not, I mean, it's not perfect, but it's just any, you know, just over this next hill, I'm sure of it. All right, well, let's just take it slow and easy. Doran stands next to Jack, pointing at the map, and he says, uh, does it look like these foot footprints go in the same direction of where we're supposed to be headed or what that's a great

question red what what direction you think they're heading east they're headed east and what's this on the map and doran's still kind of pointing that's a coffee stain dorin well i don't care what it is which way we're going are we going east yeah eastish okay well well let's just take it slow and uh yeah yeah um be on god i'd rather be follower fall i'd rather be following than a follower no i'd rather be following than follow yeah we get where you're going Don't worry. Let's go. You got there.

Good job. The tracks lead deeper into the forest. Not quite in a straight line, but still purposeful, keeping to the lower land, maybe following some frozen stream under the snow. After about an hour of following these tracks, you hear a commotion up ahead. It's getting dark now, kind of early evening.

You hear sounds of people maybe singing. It's hard to tell from this distance. Mm, everyone, get down. Red, you and Kieran both hear the sounds of chanting maybe. Red, you don't understand the language, but there's definitely some music underneath. Do you want to scout ahead? I could use ten minutes, and then I could understand the language. Yeah, if you want to take a few minutes, that's fine. I'm going to do my prime evil awareness, and Red lays down on the snow, and I'm going to just sense how many humanoids or giants are within a five-mile radius.

Red, you don't detect any giant traces within five miles. However, there is a huge accumulation of humanoids just up ahead, maybe a kilometer away. There's at least 80. There's almost 80 people up ahead. 80. And Doran's looking down at the footprints in the dim light. Does it appear like 80 footprints? Or maybe could there have been like,

80 people converging from different parts of the land. It's 80. I just sensed 80. No, no, I understand that. But my question is like, I literally fell 80. Look, look at the footprints and Dora's now pointing on the ground on the ground. Like at the footprints from the direction. Maybe 10 sets of footprints that you've been following. Maybe something up there.

I mean, there's not enough footprints here to describe 80 people. Maybe they're converging from different directions. Right, right. Look, they're not for a kilometer off, so I'm going to try to stealth up. Wait here. Don't make a sound. I'll see what I can find out. And Red begins to skulk up stealthily.

Doran starts making hand signals towards Jack and Kralov. Casting a spell. Casting a spell. Kralov starts eating a very loud apple. And Jack, you're performing your ritual for comprehend languages? I am comprehending languages. Yes, I've got that. All right, sounds good.

In the meantime, Red, you stalk forward through the gathering dusk underneath the limbs of these conifers. Roll a stealth check for me. Happily. Rolling, rolling, rolling. Keep the dice are rolling. Rollin, rolling, rolling, roll in, stealth check. Ooh, that's 17 plus 7. 24. Red, you come eventually to a place in the forest

where the floor gives way to a cavern mouth, a yawning dark hole in the snowy landscape that must be at least 200 feet across. the human sounds are coming from within the hole and smoke also issues forth from within. Do you stay in the tree line? I'm going to scan around to make sure there's no other beings around here other than within that hole.

And that's a 19 perception. You don't perceive any movement in the forest around you. Then I'll skulk forward, laying close to the ground. Or you like down on all fours? Yes. Like wiggle worms? Like, I haven't played wiggled worms in a dog's age. I miss it terribly.

Me too. Does evil Kraloff miss Wiggle Worms, though? We don't know yet. Krahloff is all about wiggle worms, man. Oh my God. Maybe Honest Red isn't, though. Maybe that's the dichotomy. Honest Red?

Honest Red, like, pitch clean. Honest Red and Evil Crailath. I haven't figured a new label. Ships passing in the name. Assassin Red, maybe. Killer Red. Killer Red's kind of cool. Maybe Killer Red, Evil Kraloth. Mm-hmm.

But Red's always been a killer. Right, right. So there's no... The new version of Red. Revelation Red? That's cool. It's got some alliteration to it, that's for sure. All right, Revelation Red creeps up to the hole.

The cavern, the well that you look down into is very deep. Way down at the bottom, in the center where the light still reaches, a small grove of trees has grown up. You can imagine pine cones falling down from the spruce on the surface, clattering against the edges of the cavern mouth. and then flung out into empty space, landing softly 250 feet below and growing a sapling over decades, starting a tiny subterranean forest. Beyond the little grove, the bottom of the cavern extends out past the edges of the surface mouth into who knows how much space. The dark caves below are spotted with campfires and torchlight.

on as well. I get it. It's like a big way. Like turns to somebody's not there. Based on the number of fires and voices, you can hear there could be a whole tribe down here, and it sounds like they're in the middle of some kind of event or feast day. I'm just going to observe them for a moment.

Lay close to the snow and watch. Red, you watch for a few moments, And as you look down into the well and gain your surroundings a little more, you notice that there's a rope on the rim of the cavern mouth. A dead tree's trunk forms an anchor point and the rope descends down into the darkness.

You would assume this is probably the way that most people enter and exit the well. Yeah. Kralath, Doran, Jack. It's been about 10 minutes since Red left your side. He has yet to return.

Ach-tuk-tok-tok-d-d-rach-d-rach-d-rach-dra. Kralath says in Goblin. You know what I said? I do. Oh, good. I'm not repeating that. Don't, yeah. I can't believe you said it to me in the first place.

Oh, my God. That was really rude, man. I didn't think, oh, I don't know. I can't speak it, but I can understand it. Wow. He said we're supposed to be quiet, but I'll tell you what. I'm getting kind of antsy here. I hope he's not in any trouble.

So, told me a little bit more about the Uthgar Barbarians. Jack, perhaps you could have learned a little bit about the tribes that may reside here, since you know, you've known for some time that you're headed to Beiruna's well. Yeah, I got a 25 history to try and pull together everything I know about this specific spot in their culture. So with a 25, you've learned through your travels. Maybe you did a little extra reading during your time in Silvery Moon. Who knows? But Beirna as well has been known to scholars to be a sacred site for two different tribes, the Black Lion tribe and the Red Tiger tribe. Some people say that these tribes do not get along. Others say that they have an

uneasy alliance. As far as the tribes themselves, you know that both of them are typically very hostile. The Black Lion tribe specifically has no tolerance for diplomacy or the trappings of civilization, while the Red Tiger tribe has been known to attack larger civilizations like small towns, not just individual homesteads, in order to gather goods and supplies. It's not going to be the friendliest folks we've ever met. I don't imagine. I'm a little worried about it. I was surprised we got along so well with the Great Worm Tribe honestly, and so this...

Yeah. And as this story is unveiling, Doran's like skulking towards the hole like ceases and he like skulks back where they were originally waiting. I think I'll just wait and see what Red says. I mean, I don't want to get us in any trouble.

I mean, it's not like they're a very friendly tribe it doesn't sound like. Kieran's been sniffing around in the snow, wagging their tail. and you hear their voice in your head, Jack. I think they were dragging something, boss. Food. Smells good.

Yeah, like a, I mean, it did sound like a party. I'm not sure. I can't, I don't know all of their holidays and rituals. I wonder what they're celebrating. Jack, is your dog talking about food? Because I'm smelling food, too. I was just thinking about food. You were.

You two got a nose like a bloodhound. Let me tell you. Yeah, it's a party down there. They brought supplies. Imagine they had, like, fresh deer? Oh, oh, oh, oh, deer strips, venison strips, seared, cut into very, very thin, and wrapped around pork. And freshly cracked black pepper?

Have you ever had that? Oh. Meanwhile, Red, it's a party vibe down there, although it's unlike any party that you've been. two. From your observations here on the rim of the well, you gain two important pieces of information. Number one, that the rope, that seems to be the main mode of egress from this well, is not really being used right now. It doesn't seem like people are coming and going from the party. It seems like a pretty stationary situation. And the second important piece of information

is you do notice that a couple of people are acting a little bit intoxicated. that you're not sure whether it's some herb or a drink, like you would have brewed beer or spirits, but people are enjoying themselves in a way that has them maybe walking, not straight. People are laughing more uproariously than you would expect. So this is clearly a party atmosphere. And just before Red sort of skulks back, he takes one last look to see if he can spot anything that might house or be a giant art.

effect. It's tricky because from your position on the rim of this well, you can't see all the deeper parts of the cavern. They extend beyond. You're kind of sitting on a rim of something and underneath the cavern is much wider. Does it look like there are places to hide down there in the shadows? Oh, certainly. Okay. Red sort of nods to himself, skulks back and quickly heads back to the others. Maybe like a sharp cheese, graded over a, like a souffle. Kieran's just sitting in front of you guys wagging his tail.

Hey guys! Oh, you're here back. Red's just standing there? One second, Red. I mean one second. What the fuck are you doing here? We're trying, we're going to be as well. I found it.

Oh, oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right, right, right. Look, it looks like there's a big party going on. and a few people intoxicated. A party? Yeah. But there's about 80 people, as I said,

far too many that we could take on. I'm wondering if we go in stealthy. Now, remember, with pass without trace, I can give us each, as long as we stay within, you know, 30 feet of me, a good boon to our bonus. But I'm wondering if maybe we take precautions. and Reds sort of glances between Kralath and Doran's new armor.

I don't think there's really any way we could kill 80 barbarians, let alone would we want to. There's families down there. Yeah, I don't want to kill it. I'm thinking that maybe if we try to go in stealthy and not have any sort of danger coming up, that maybe you two could lose your armor to make it easier. Well, um...

Best case we can sneak down there, find the artifact, toss it in a portable hole, and climb back up. That's what I'm thinking. And it's not bad, and Red Ben's over and he like starts digging a hole in the snow, like to show. He's like, see, there's a rope over here to the north, and then it's probably maybe 200, 250 feet down. But there's darkness all around the ledge. So I think we would be able to hide in this sort of little alcove. All far down is the well.

250. So, I mean, there is an option. Right. But how far down is the well? I'm really nervous about climbing a rope 250 feet down, and I know Krayloth loves heights, and Doran is super limber, but we could take shallow breaths and hide in that hole as you scamper down there and let us out once we were in a spot where we weren't going to be seen. It's not a bad idea, Jack, but kind of risky. I mean, you're not going down right now.

Why don't, why don't we wait a few hours? Maybe they'll fall asleep. And then, hey, that's not a bad idea if we all crawl into the hole. But it might be, might be quiet enough once everybody's asleep that we all crawl down together. I mean, I mean, there's a couple different ways we can do it. I'm not opposed to getting in the, in the hole, I guess. There's a lot of trust to put in red. Yeah.

Yeah. All right, let's do it. Cool. And Red, in the meantime, he's going to unattune from the eyes ruin, and he's going to reattune to his masquerade tattoo so he can disguise himself and look like a barbarian, just doubling down on the bluff. I want to say something, though. I mean, what happens if you are captured or something? I mean, what's plan B if we're stuck in the hole in your pocket? Listen, plan B is fine.

I'm going to go to Waterdeep, hire three new adventurers, bring them to the cloud giants, and everything. What happens to us? Who? Oh, you? Doran, there's no better get at a jail card than I unfurl a tiny little cloth onto the ground and the three of us pop out to rescue Red from whatever problem is. As long as he's got an arm free. Just don't lose it. Yeah.

Lose what? Red checks his pockets. Oh, shit. I'm just kidding. That'll be fine. Look, I can squirrel out of anything. And besides, I can move like 120 feet in one round. What are we hearing from these songs now that Jack can understand the language, hopefully?

Is there a theme to the celebration? Is there anything we can sort of glean about what's going on down there from the voices and singing and partying we're hearing? Yeah, Jack, I mean, it's still pretty far away. You guys are a kilometer away to be able to make out any specific voices. But when all of the voices are raised in concert, singing some kind of chorus, maybe you're able to make out the gist of it is like good, hunt fast return of spring right all right it's sort of a midwinter festival kind of thing

my kind of dance red just boogeying in the corner waving his hands about his head turn of spring personal rave da da da da da da da da cool so you guys wait for a couple hours the lights go out in the sky stars come out things get quiet all right well you might as well take off your armor while we're waiting. I'm still very concerned. So if we're down in the hole and you put the hole down and we pop out and we have to, you know, get into a battle and we're not wearing our armor. Like that that could be pretty. Doran, you'll still be wearing your ring. You can thunderstep right out the hole. Well, what about me? The truth is with the amount of people down there, combat is not really an option. If things go south, we're going to want to get out of there as soon as possible. So I'm

or no armor, we'd be toast. At this point, if it's going to make our chances of sneaking less likely, then we've got to lose it. Which means you've got to get rid of this, and I point to Jack's dangly earrings. Oh, yeah, they're so noisy. You're right. I've got to, I...

You know, I've been trying them... Just noose and silvery moon. I've been really trying a new thing. No, guys? No, I'm sorry. I don't like everyone here. Fine. It's like a little tiny wind chime. It's been really getting on everyone's nerves for the past five days, but no one's said anything because they love you.

Jerks about it. I don't know. I thought it sounded really nice. I bet you I can sneak better than you, Dorn. I don't know about that. Look at you. Look at you. Well, you're literally the four feet taller than me.

Yeah. Sneaking practice. That's what you guys are doing while you're waiting for the sun to go down. Yeah, yeah. Okay, red, Jack, close your eyes. Close your eyes. Okay.

Crail, if you come back here with me, you come back over here with me. All right, no. Okay, okay, okay. Jack, your eyes closed. Close your eyes. They're closed. I need that.

Not watching. They're totally closed. You tell us when you hear us. Okay, here we go. Okay. I'm going to start. Okay. Are we starting?

Oh, are we doing it together or you go first? Well, I'll have to guess which one of us is going first. Oh, okay. I hear you. Oh, okay. I read. Are they just talking to each other? Do they know they're supposed to be quiet here?

I don't know. Here we go. Uh. Oh. I can hear both of you. I rolled a five. I rolled 16. Oh.

So Doreloth is quieter. Dorel like trips and like climbs to the snow and Yes, in your face, door. I find you, find you where he hands you five gold. We had a bet. Well done. The feast day vibes carrying. on into the night, and it's late when the last sounds of revelry died down and the fires burn

low. Finally, the moon is hanging low on the horizon, and all is quiet within Bayron as well. And you're sure you want to do this, Red says, like standing next to a rock wall as the three of you are lined up. Doran and Kralov not wearing any armor. All right, guys, get in one at a time. Yeah, and Kralov steps into this black hole. Doren's like Okay It doesn't get weird Until he folds it up

And that's the part Where it's going to get strange Because this whole part of reality Is gonna fold in on top of us It's a Oh, oh great Krelath standing there Next to like these giant relics

He's just in the dark though Okay Can you hear me if I talk to you? Yes, yes I still can Relatively you're standing in an extra dimensional space But it's actually like still only Five feet from us

So once we're in here We're still there until we're not. And Doren comes in the hole. All right, fold it up, Red. Let's go. Red walks in front, and you see him like silhouetted

by this black hole. You know what I mean? He's just like, all right, guys, I got your armor in the bag of holding. It's all good in case we need it, but so long. And he like reaches up

and you see him like pulled down this hole and it disappears as he's doing it and you're just in blackness. And then when Red closes it up and folds it and puts in his pocket, he's like, man, we're still a kilometer from the hole. Oh, shit. And he starts running as fast as he can towards the whole edge. How fast can I run a kilometer?

So how long do we really have in here before we run out of air? I'm no alchemist, but I'm pretty sure a breathing creature like us can survive in a portable hole for 10 minutes. It should be no problem. Wait, a single breathing creature? Because there's three of us. Hey. There's you and me. And now we're arguing.

And we're asking questions. Oh, no. Calm your breathing, Doran. And I'm panicking. You're hyperventilating, Doran. You'll be able to suffocate for a long time before you die. Okay, okay. Meanwhile, Red.

Red arrives at the edge of Bionneswell, and he looks at the rope. I got to time I own, but I'm at like seven minutes. So he just grabs the rope and starts climbing down, hand over hand, panicking, sweat dripping down his brow. And halfway down, he stops. Oh, shit. I've got to disguise myself. He, like, looks over it.

over his shoulder looking down at the pit and all the hopefully sleeping barbarians and then after a second, he just changes on the rope. You see this like magic and wash over him as it becomes this large, heavyset, bald barbarian. Kevin Costner. No, Russell Crowe. Yeah.

And then he continues climbing down. Red, you descend the rope into the darkness, hung in oblivion like a spider on a piece of silk. The floor of the cavern is only snowy in the middle, below the aperture of the cave, through which you've descended. Beyond the shadow of this eye, a large chamber, hooded with stalactites, reaches out about 700 feet across. The ceiling is pierced with tree roots and rocky protrusions, and you silently land on the floor of the cavern, although you appear like someone who really belongs here. I appear like Peter Ruffrington, my alter ego.

Roughly triangular in shape, the northeastern corner of the cavern is raised up on a ledge, and a large encampment has been constructed there, the shapes of tents visible even in the gloom. To the northwest, the sound of running water betrays the presence of some underground spring, and to the south, a series of ledges climb the side of the cavern wall topped with a few structures. The dark forms of sleeping tribal warriors are scattered throughout the dark cavern, especially concentrated around the spring and the encampment of the east. Red, as you land on the floor here, you don't see anyone directly around you,

but there are sleeping figures everywhere. Oh boy. Red quickly looks around for like a flat wall he can throw the portable hole against. There are several stalagmites growing from the floor here and there around the chamber. There's one just beside you. Yeah, he slides down the little hill and starts running towards it. And in his head, he's like, nine, nine, 43, 44, 45, 46. He's like running towards this big opening.

Roll a stealth check for me, please. Red's going to cast pass without trace. 27. You slide towards this stalagmite, stealthily quiet. And I throw the hole on the wall and casually open it back up. It took you long enough. We tried as fast as I could, I'm sorry. We started so far back from the well.

I really should have called to the edge before we're doing that. It's not very smart. I'm pretty sure Doran farted in there. I felt like we were in there forever. Also, I wanted to make a joke, by the well. I'm so surprised your digestive system is still working like that. I wouldn't have suspected. It was Jack.

Kieran. At which point Kieran appears. besides. So convenient. Pass without traces on. So we don't have to keep whispering, actually, because it's just sort of a nice little area around here. We should keep whispering for the ambience.

Over there to the east of us is the tent. It looks like there's a stream over there to the west of us. Okay. Jack, do your thing. Tell us where it is. Yeah. Is there an... Well, do we want to start where there's no people and work our way towards people?

Sure. Yeah, let's do that. Well, hold on. And Kralath, can I do a survival check to get a lay of the land? Or would that be perception? That would be perception. 24. Whoa.

Oh. Yeah, looking for giant artifacts anywhere that, you know, they have some sort of. What to your undead I see? Alter, I don't know. You spy towards the south corner of the room that there appear to be. some structures atop a ledge that look like they could be

maybe totem poles you're still about 500 feet away from them but they look like a likely spot to start your search Kralath has his goggles on and he turns a little knob on the side so steampunk

yeah the vision zooms in and I can see the totem poles that doesn't happen but it actually I pretend that there's a knob on the side of my glasses that's even better

it looks like there's something over there Dorn feels like the monkey in the forbidden cavern of Aladdin where like he's seeing all these like booze bottles and like he's like really tempted

to like touch nothing but the artifact that's exactly it that's funny But he, you know, like, so I was like very tempted to grab all these, you know, he's seeing these empty, half empty boom. Don't stop out of it. Okay. Yeah. Let's start heading towards those totem poles and stay close to me.

Once we're out of here, I'm going to get a drink. What? No. Once we're out of here, I said. Sure. I can wait till after, is what I say. Hold you damn. It's been five minutes.

Kralath subtly hands you a flask, Doran. Yeah. Oh. Evil Kralath. Evil. Everyone make a stealth check. 27. Kraloff is going to cast enhanceability on himself, doing Katz Grace, which gives him advantage on dexterity checks.

Nice. Wow. Natural 20. Hey. Whoa. Good one. Evil Kralov disappears. 17.

18. Nice. stealthily. The four of you make your way across the floor of the cavern. What's everyone's passive perception? 20. 17. 11. 13. Pretty good. Red, as you are stealthing your way across, you notice just in the nick of time that there are barbarians sleeping under the snow here. Stop! Barely betrayed by the shape of their body against the earth. Several of them here, just in very very stealthy mounds.

Sick. Don't. They're sick. Sleeping or are they dead? They're under the snow? You know, snow is actually very insulating. Shut up. Just go round them very carefully.

And you continue on your way south towards this ledge. You approach and see that you're going to have to climb up. It's about 10 feet to the first tier. and there's a second tier beyond that. But Kralath's eyes did not deceive him. There are two totem poles here on either side of the top ledge. What are they of? Like, what are they displaying?

Hmm. One pole is covered with something dark and has a lion's skull atop it. The other is also stained and has a tiger's skull on top. Both of the poles appear to be etched with. carvings. Pole monsters, classic. Probably black lions and red tigers, the two. No, no, no, you don't think so?

Okay, that's fine. Pole monsters for sure. Definitely human. I've heard legend. Artifacts is my vibe. Of the pole monsters. Yeah. It's scary.

I didn't think we'd encountered them. All right, well, how do we get up? Um, well, why don't you take a rope up there, Red? You can make quick work of that ledge. I could, but why don't I boost you up And then I'll climb up after. I don't want to leave any sign of being here. If someone spots a rope, it could be a bit of a visual.

Here, you first, Kralath. Oh, you're so much lighter without your plate armor on. Oh, thank you. Give me a hand here, Kralath. Yep, I reach down and I pull Jack up and begin making sure everybody gets up. Like a feather. Just toss him around. I whip him up to the top.

Dorn just, like, holds on to Jack's ankle. as Jack's being lifted. Just drags you up behind him. That's great. All right. And Red scampers up behind them. Through the power of teamwork, you're able to make it up to the top, where you see that at the far rear of this corner of the cavern, there is an altar.

It's wide and darkly stained, a stone block that is at least several tons. It's nine feet long by six feet wide by three feet tall. I think that's it. Did you pick up the portable hole, Red? Fuck! Did you? Red climbs back down and runs all the way. It's just like a long moment where you see Red like running 500 feet away.

Yeah, it's one single long shot. He reaches up, he pulls down the hole. He jumps over the barbarians. He runs back, he jumps over the barbarians, he comes all the way back up. I wish we'd forgotten it. I would have loved the after scene, like the after episode credits of the the Uthgard Barbarians like,

being like, oh, we lost our artifact, but we got this new artifact, which is amazing. I didn't forget it. I kept it there for safety. Anyway. All right, what happens the next, boys? Well, is this, is this it?

And Doran looks at Jack. What is this? I don't know. I mean... Don't you live for this shit, Jack? You get all... You dream of this stuff. Well, you know what?

Actually, Doren's going to roll his stone cunning. Yeah. Jack's not going to take it. You take it out from under him. 18 for stone cunning. What can you tell me about this stone thing? Oh, dungeon master? This is a solid piece of granite.

It was certainly used as an altar in the past. It's probably been in this position for at least 500 years. So it's granite. This is like one of the heaviest pieces of stone you could possibly find. It's solid all the way through? I don't know. And darn like knocks on it and he doesn't hear a hollow sound. Yes, it is.

Yeah, he like puts his ear next to it like a doctor. Well, I don't know what doctors do that anymore, but... Yeah, you know, a doctor puts his ears. Wait, your doctor doesn't do that? Why just hear your guts? Oh, you're fine. Should I get a new doctor, guys? Probably.

It sounds like it. I'm skeptical. Doran, I almost said doctor. Doran, Dr. Doran. Dr. Doran. It's a new TV show. Doran knocks on the altar. And he says, yeah, you know,

granite gives a very specific sound when it's hollow. This is a solid piece of granite. I don't know how we're going to move this. True, but granite, we don't understand what's in there yet. Granite, we've only come here a few minutes ago. Yeah, I see what you said there. Red, can you pull out the rod of the Vonnegad? Sure, yeah.

And Red pulls at the rod of the Vaughnan Dod and hands it to Jack. Dung, doom! Just falls in the ground. Hafting this rod made for fire giants, Jack is attuned to it and channels the energy to try and find a giant artifact. The closest one on this plane of reality. It has to be a certain kind of apparel, jewelry, furniture, tool, or weapon. So you would have to say what kind of thing you're looking for.

So what do we got so far? We got an axe. We got a shield. We got a shield. We got a mask. Yeah. So we... What else would a fighter have?

A weapon, a piece of apparel, a game, an instrument. What about shoes? sure is that on apparel yeah but i mean to say look you're going out you put on your mask you grab your shield you take your axe you need a pair of shoes yeah show me shoes red points to the altar rod red you know giants better than than anyone uh yeah actually that's a good point can i roll information on giants definitely definitely roll you know actually when i was speaking with hoshnag i really picked his brain about some of the things that giants are into 18 Does anything come to mind?

Red, you and Jack put your heads together and you're able to kind of make an educated guess about what kind of artifact you're looking for. Given that, you need to find one artifact for each kind of giant. Right. You know, we have all the other pieces. Remember, Jack?

We have the fire giant shield. The bull from the stone giants? and the mask from the cloud giants, so we're looking... Right, but we don't have a frost giant. I'm wondering if it might be... Under the snow somewhere. What? Maybe it's under the snow somewhere.

No. Maybe the snow is the artifact. Mm, yeah. All right, just everyone... Kralath and Dorn are like off on their own. Kralath and Dorn by the shoulders and we step once to the side. I wonder if it could be maybe a helmet or a paddle, something that would give them the seafaring edge, like a Nordic tribe.

sure um yeah so i let let let's start with a show me show me uh frost giant hat what do we you do not return any hits for hat so so i think if we're thinking about red if we're thinking about the sorts of things that are available to frost giants in the in the north right like they've got metal because maybe they're digging it out of the earth but there's a lot of there's not a lot of trees up in all that ice you might have like walrus tusks or you know leathers for boats

I don't know I think it could be a paddle show us paddle yeah let's let's ring the rod of the Von and Dodd

searching for a intricately carved giant paddle Harland keeps pointing behind him like he's on the price is right no it's not

no like I'm a family feud that's what I mean family feud I said family feud yeah you did you did there's no evidence to the contrary

to the contrary it wasn't recorded yeah that's right thank you there's no paddle boys Damn. It's not a paddle.

Damn, I thought it was going to be a paddle. Anyway, what were you saying about wood? Well, I'm just saying they probably don't have a lot of wood up in the, like, icy north where I understand Frost Giants spend a lot of their time. I'm thinking... And what about a horn? Why don't you ask that thing if it can find us a horn? Sure. Let's find horn.

And it goes off. You get a pin. Jack tries not to shout when he gets the... jolt of like, oh, shit, something is nearby within a thousand feet? What direction am I looking? What happened? It's under your feet, Jack. Good news, bad news. It's below the earth. Oh. Hey, wait a minute. Could that alter be an entrance? Can it move? And Red walks over to it and just kind of like gives it a little shove. Do you want to make a strength roll? I might as well. Yeah, that's going to be a You may be surprised to learn that nothing happens.

Doran watches Red do this and without really even looking he runs over and in a very American football style way, throws his shoulder into it and starts like, I'd like to help. Roll a strength check. So that's going to be 20, a dirty 20. Nothing happens. I think this alter does move, but not the top. Doran, you and Kralath grab that side. Jack, you know what, Doran, you help me on this side. Jack, you go help Kralov on that side.

Sure. It's a better distribution of strength. You guys pull your side. We'll pull our side. Ready? Yep. Three, two, one. Nothing happens.

Does it look like anything could be placed upon it? Definitely there is kind of a divot on top where you would lay a creature. Ah. Hey, don't climb on top of this thing for a second. And he, like, lies on the table as if he's like, look at me, I'm getting beheaded. Now, don't get angry at me. And Red pulls out his Sylvan ghost dagger, and he draws a little bit of blood from Doren's side. Just like a...

Ow! What the hell are you doing? As a droplet of blood slides from Doran's side and lands on the altar, it begins to quake and move. Grail offcast, silent. A rough hewn niche opens beneath the altar through which Doran falls. It forms a narrow stone stairway that leads down into the earth. You smell stale stone dirt and something else. some strange undertone.

Red turns around and takes a look at the tribe that's sleeping. Does anyone stir? No, it seems like Krayloff's spell caught the sound before it reached them. And Red puts away his Sylvan dagger and heads down after Doran. Thank you once again to our wonderful Patreon supporters, Christopher Ryan Evans, Alexander Reed, Merlin, Mitchell Cadwell, Michael and Brianna Webber, Brian Blass, Heather Nichols, Colin Burkart, Daniel, Tara Smith, Blass, Doug, Gray, Jackie and Rain, Creature, Stephen Lovett, Jessica Orrett, Jonah Goldman, Melanie Cheyne, Lars, and Mari Kineski. See you soon!