Dice Shame - 139 | 'Price Out of the Market'

Episode Date: June 9, 2022

Comedy, action and a whole lot of shaming come together in Dice Shame, an Actual Play Podcast of Storm King's Thunder by Wizards of the Coast! Join our GM Jo; her partner Harlan, his brother Alex & their best friends Justin and Rob as they tackle the daunting world of Faerun in this legendary adventure module! Dice Shame is a podcast that welcomes its audience to the gaming table. Like the games they play at home, they try not to take themselves too seriously. The show aims to be entertaining, inclusive, and irreverent, while still taking the rules (somewhat) seriously. Join us every Thursday morning for brand new episodes available on all major platforms including; Spotify, iTunes, Google Play and more! If you haven't checked it out yet... what are you waiting for?!? Content Warning: swearing, violence, horror, mental illness and suicide. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm so over this cold weather. The Dwarven bandits have disbanded. That sort of rhymes. I mean, who doesn't love good stationery? The porcupine god. I just want to know if I can do this. I mean, look at all my drawings. No, no, it's purely fiction, though.

Look, I'm going to go to the market and buy some health potions. These are fine-looking potions, too. Maybe I can even draw pictures. No better day to learn a little more about deniers. And I may have threatened them. Can I give my old inspiration to red and then take my new inspiration or give the new inspiration to it? You've got to keep the new one. You don't want, nobody wants to stale inspiration.

Oh, welcome. MVP this week is Twiglitz are great to eat. Twiglitz is an avid consumer of many podcasts, and we are thrilled that Dice Shame is in the mix. Thanks for the nice tweets you've shared about us and for giving me a new snack obsession. I really want to try them. Fanscape is a fan fiction podcast by the Infiniscape Collective that aims to reinvent the podfig genre by changing the way you experience your favorite fan fictions. They tell stories you'll love in full audio drama style.

Give them a listen today. All right. Shall we do this? Yeah, let's do it. I was thinking I saw, didn't, didn't that guy get bit by a snake recently and survive? Carey Ellis. What guy? Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Carrie Ellis, yeah. He did? He got bitten by a snake? Yeah, although, I mean, let's be honest here. Red doesn't sound anything like Carrie Elis. No, but there's enough inspiration there that I heard that. I'm like, aw, and then I thought about you. I don't know.

I appreciate that. Anytime you think about me, it's a win. You know what I thought when you said that? So you said, Carrie always was bit by a snake. Yeah. I said that guy, but you... Yeah.

It was in the news? Yeah. Yeah. I was like, how often do people actually get bit by snakes? You didn't say poisonous snake, right? You said... Bit by a rattlesnake.

It was a rattle snake. You said a snake. Just a regular snake. Garter snake. He's like, oh! Yeah. He got bit by a snake.

Newsworthy. I got bit by a garter snake once. Me too. We all got bit by a garden snake once. I loved going down to the creek to catch garter snake. snakes. Yeah, use a stick behind their neck, pin them down while you grab them with your hand. And then they make the smell. Pee? Don't they pee? Come on, everyone. I don't know what it is. She always talks about snakes. I don't always talk about it. She's like, thank you everyone

for coming to my wedding. I'm so happy. I want to tell you about the snake smell. You guys know, I can certainly, there is a funk to snakes that I can picture. Like if I put myself in that. I'm not saying that snakes don't have a funk what i'm saying is when i think and talk about snakes it's nowhere near the first thing that comes to mind like everything has its own kind of smell i think i just scared a snake really bad once and i have this sense memory just really at the right time to lock that memory in maybe you were a snake in a previous life oh so the smell is like a spheromones you're like i stink i have a very strong memory of my favorite birthday where it was warm enough that there was a garter snake through the like front yard and we caught it as we were i don't know like seven or eight running

around the front yard. It was like, oh, a snake on my birthday. This is literally the best thing that's ever happened. And it's like early April. There shouldn't be snakes there normally in Saskatchew. Snake on my birthday? Right? It's a banner year.

That's great. I think there's this issue, you know, where people are like, ah, I'm getting older or whatever. I don't want to get older. And I'm totally in that, but I also don't want to be that. I want to fight that instinct to be like, yeah, fuck it. I'm getting old. Yeah, you're just getting better.

Getting better with these. I got a fine wine. That's right. I'm with you on that. I don't want to regret my life. I mean, I do. It's my life. You know what I never regret?

Playing Dungeons and Dwagons. Oh, yeah. Putting the high forest behind you, you emerge back out onto the Roven Road, continuing on west to Everland. It's the morning of Hammer 13, an unrelentingly cold. I'm so over this cold.

Yeah, once you step out of the trees, you really get the breeze. Hey, that sort of rhymes. What? No, it didn't. It feels like it's been longer than, what, like a month and a half of winter? Yeah. I feel like it's been winter for maybe a year and a half. Yeah. Jack really carefully, like, is holding this Opel of the Ill run.

It's like, it's really not so bad out today. I don't know what everybody else is. You just wait till we get to the hot, hot days. Then you'll be sweating. I think it's always cold up here, Doren says, as he pulls, his arm out and shows the mountain range right there. I think you can still see it, right? We're right there and kind of the spine.

Yeah, you can see it. Yeah. You can absolutely see it. Well, it's not the spine of the world you're looking at so much as the nether mountains to your north. It's always cold here, Kralath, because of those mountains that keep the snow on this side of it. What mountains are those? I don't know.

She just told you. The nether mountains. They were right on the tip of my head. I was like trying to prompt you so that you I literally couldn't remember. You're like, I don't fucking know. They're there, though, for sure. Oh, they're beautiful. And what a cool name, the Neva Mountains.

Yeah, they marked the boundary between the ancient empires of Nethro and Delzone. It's a really historic place, if you think about it. Hmm. Now that's less cool. Yeah, sorry. Have you ever met anyone from there? These empires, like, were ancient ones.

You know, the ruins we saw up in the north. Those were the runes of a Nuthry's empire tower. This sort of marked their lower boundary of where they... Oh, I see. Yeah. But, you know, some of the first people to use the wizarding magic traditions that survive to this day. It's kind of fun to be around... That's actually kind of cool.

Yeah, it is. Huh. We're walking on history here. In the distance and growing clearer, a band of travelers approaches you on the road, heading east. One cart is being pulled by a beast of bird. burden, the wheels catching and bumping on the redded earth. Do they look friendly? Can I rule perception? Sure.

24. Holy shit. From what you can tell at this distance, they are probably friendly. You see some smaller forms walking among adults, maybe children. Are any of them carrying weapons? Or are any of them carrying what could be weapons under a bulky coat? Hard to tell from this distance. All right.

Everyone beyond their guard is a group approaching. Yeah. They're heading towards Everland or from Everland? From Everland heading towards you. That would be towards Jalenthar. Right. Yeah, I think we continue on. Red sort of just casually hands his bow

in case he needs to retrieve it quickly. As you get to within shouting distance, someone from the approaching group hails you. Hail, what news of the East? Are the oppressors truly gone? Yes, yes. They have been vanquished by, uh, well, by the Nightstone Four, Red says and puts a hand on Doren's back. Huh.

Dorn Iron Fist. Uh, he, uh, he vanquished their evil leader, Murgir flame tender. Duren's eyes go wide. Oh, now Red, I don't need that sort of, uh, acknowledgement. It's not a knowledgement, it's the truth, friend. You, you did it. I mean, literally, you went one-on-one with a more experienced fighter and you took that guy down. But any of those people could be assassins, changeling assassins out to kill Doran who are on the lookout to...

Yeah, that's why I was checking them for weapons. I'm on it. Look, you're not wrong, but the assassins know Doran Iron Fist through and through. At this point, it's just about us protecting them. They attacked him in that market square without a single one of us naming him. So as long as we're on guard to any approaching groups and cities, that's as good as we can be. right now. The Dwarven bandits have disbanded, but I wouldn't say that Jalenthal is safe. It's become a heavy target for giants. And I imagine we're getting closer and closer to these people. Yeah, they actually stop their donkey and someone is like leading it off to the side of the road to find some frozen grass to chew on while you guys have your chat. We don't care about giants.

We can defend our homes well enough. Just give me my own land back. That's what I say. We can We can dig in. Hmm. You're responsible for, uh, vanquishing the Dwarven threat. Well, we were, yes. Uh, and hopefully you found your, uh, you find your home, you know, still standing. They were fairly destructive, wouldn't you say? Hmm.

Homes can be rebuilt. We just need to be back by second claw for when the land thaws. We have to put seeds in the ground to keep our families from starving, you know. We're farming folk. Mm-hmm. And the land is most important. Walls, roofs, those are all temporary. We're just glad that we can be back on our land again.

Hey, that's a really positive outlook. Certainly. Good luck. I mean, obviously, be careful, but hey, power to you. Thank you. And to you as well. And they get the donkey saddled back up and get ready to move back on East. Good luck.

Feels good to have put this story to rest And let people go back to their houses And rebuild their lives Yeah It's a nice feeling People are resilient Hopefully when we go back They'll have

Maybe we'll be welcomed With some fine foods and drink I wouldn't go that far They're still starving And with lots of really delicious food You know When the nicer weather comes around Oh, Doran, always delusional.

Meaden. After they bury those carcasses and figure out their own shit, then they can set it a proper feast for us. You can tell where Doran's minds are. Anyway, let's keep moving. And red heads towards Everland. Before long, you are in the shadow of this great walled city on the banks of the Ralvin River. It looks just as you recall. Guards on the top of the parapet.

long banners in the breeze from these tall, steepled roofs. Well, I guess the plan is to try to seek out Valharo and use the teleportation circle to head back up to Mirabar, right? I think so. It's going to be an awkward conversation, especially because we haven't talked to him since, well, since the Nightstone Four have been a bit of a dour name around here, and since Dora and I blackmailed someone into having...

having us use it. Yeah, that's the part. Which brings up a good point. Do you have any other plans in Everland or do you just expect to go straight to Valhara? What's the party's vibe? I say straight to Valharo. I wouldn't mind, and I don't know if it's possible to spend some of that gold on like a handful of scrolls or a little magic item or something at the wizard tower.

There might be something there. Just to get that money out of my pocket. As you walk through the streets of Everland, you see that there are some interesting banners hung from some windows of homes. These banners are dark blue in color with stitched motif of a porcupine or some other quilled animal. And there's an air of celebration in and among the bell market. People are talking and there's just kind of like a joyous vibe going on.

Different than what I expected, for sure. Well, I mean, look, the Jalanthar dwarves were the biggest threat that happened to these people, more so than the giants. I guess the fact that Doran chopped the head off the snake is concert celebration, I don't know. And Red just walks up to somebody in the street. Hey, what's the porcupine thing banner mean? Uh, it is a holiday, this eve, sir, anophili. Anna, what's it? It's with the god, denier.

Ah, denier de far. I don't know anybody. What are you talking about gods? Who's denier, Jack? A god of the harvest, I think. You can roll a religion. I love to. That's very much a thing that I would do. You know what? I'll do it too in case I suddenly remember. 17. 7. Red, you recognize that it's a porcupine on these banners? Oh, the porcupine god. I know this guy. Jack knows that the holiday of Anufili is a celebration that revolves around loyalty, diligence, and mental clarity. So the people who are hanging banners from their windows are probably people that are believers, but not only that they're observing the holiday by spending all day reading.

Reading? Oh, it's a Jack holiday. It's a great holiday. It's a very book-focused holiday, and so I'm a big fan. Doran, you might find, like, De Nier's god of cartography and art and the porcupine, I don't recognize. But that, I'm so interested to learn about that. Maybe they'll have a book about it. Wait a minute, porcupines have quill.

And we write with a quill. Maybe that's what the connection is. You nailed it right on the head, Doran. I'm pretty sure that's got to be the connection. Maybe I could do a lesson while I'm here in town. A lesson on cartography. I mean, look at all my drawings. And Doran pulls out his, like, journal.

And it's all very, very messy. Like the chicken scratch writing, it's all just sort of like this. For notes on the road, they're not half bad. You just need to take an hour or two to, like, really sit at a desk and clean it up a little, which, I mean, like, this part here, if you, if you, well, and the, I mean, in the smudge, okay, that's definitely beer, though, isn't it? Well, that's beer and that's blood. You can see the difference, right? The color different. But I mean, no, but they're writing.

I mean, I think it's quite good, but... You've got the fundamentals down. Like, I'm really impressed from where we started the last couple of months. I think you're really getting this. Yeah, and I also don't really know how to spell and comment. I can say it, but... But using the, I mean, the Dwarven alphabet really lends an air of credence to a lot of these papers. I think that's...

Oh, yeah. It's not a... It's not a mark against you, although we could always practice. I mean... So no food, no drink, no partying with this holiday, just books? On the mirror bar! I'm sure we could have a drink while we're, you know, studying our book. Nobody's going to stop you?

Sorry, you want to study. Well, I'm going to put up not interested on that. Where's my stamp? Well, I just think it's kind of interesting. Carl Loth, do you want to read or draw maps? No, it seems kind of boring. Aside from reading, is there anything else we want to do in Everland? before we leave.

Look, I'm going to go to the market and buy some health potions. Anyone who wants to come can come. Yeah, I'll join you. And Red, heads off towards the market. Stay safe. Yes. I mean, we should stick together. I definitely thought you wanted to buy scrolls.

Yeah. I mean, I'm all about taking in the cultures. The first, like, event in Everland that I've ever felt connected to, so I'm... Sure. We can just leave, though. That's fine. Let's go get you some health potions. It's still going on every.

Well, you stay here then. You do your thing. What do you mean? There's no here. Let's go. I don't know. I don't know. Red heads off towards the marketplace and he's just going to find a potion vendor

and going to buy a few level-uped healing potion. Sure, sure. Kralov is following Red and just kind of looking, taking in the sights of this festival. And one thing he kind of noticed that there's a halfling trying to read, like sitting down on like a sack of potatoes. and there's just a goose next to him just honking in his ear as he's like trying to flip pages

and he like turns back and love it. Is he reading to the goose? Getting more and more frustrated. Evelyn, where even the geese read. Absolutely. Because the goose was actually honking because the guy was turning too slow.

The goose is... I'm done with this page. Huh? I love it. Inspiration, Justin. Thank you. Does everybody have inspiration? Yeah.

No, I do. No? And then I'm going to give my Can I give my old inspiration to Red and then take my new inspiration or give the new inspiration? You've got to keep the new one. You don't want, nobody wants to stale inspiration. I want the old. Can I do that or?

You should keep the new one because the new one is, has better energy. Keep the old one. It's been with you for a while. That's true, actually. I get, keep the old one. I just want to know if I can do this. Of course you could do it. What it doesn't, it's not a thing.

I don't know. I just like, oh, I get inspiration. Okay. Well, no. already have it, but I'm going to give it to... Yeah. Can't you give inspiration to somebody else? Can't you do that as a other?

Yeah, but you have to give the old one. You have to keep the new one for yourself. First in, first out. All right. So then I give my old one that I've been looking after. I've been keeping it warm. It's free. And with farts.

It's just a little stale. I give it to a red. Thanks, buddy. Geese abound in the bell market. Red, you push through a gaggle of geese towards the potion vendor and you're able to purchase. How many potions are you looking for? There are $100 each, I think? I'm going to buy five greater healing potions for 100 gold each.

I'm going to use the communal money. Well, where are you getting that price from? Because the old one is 50. They're not doubled. Well, why not? It's profit margin. Okay, how much are they? Uncommon consumable, 250.

250? Mm-hmm. Oh, my God, forget it. How much and how much do they heal? Only 2D4. It's kind of garbage. Never mind. And a single one heals 1D4?

Why don't we just get regular? their healing potions get a bigger bottle combine a bunch of them into the bottle so doran turns to jack and he's like well what do you think do you want to do you want to walk around and maybe uh we can so and doran's like trying to engage with jack in in some sort of like relatable hobby maybe we can find um you know some new quills or maybe we can get some fancy paper or i can get my you know i diary repaired. I would love, like, it's a little out of my, my depth. I'm not, and I admit, you're a little more artistic than me.

Krayloff got this lovely book for me last time we were in a market. Oh, that's nice. I've been thinking about, like, sketching a little bit in it, but all I've got is like a pen and ink and quill, and that's great for taking notes and stuff, but it's not like a set of chargles or pastels or something to, you know, I don't know, it's just I'm looking for some other. And I picture us sort of strolling through the streets,

and like, because it's this festival, there's like shops with their writing and drawing stuff on display. So I kind of look at, you know, look at what they've got. I'm seeing, you know, chocks, I'm assuming? Yeah, there are a couple of different shops that actually have tiles out front saying that there's an Anufeely sale going on. Should we look in here? Whoa.

They've got nice pictures drawn on the sign out here. I wonder if they have nice things to draw pictures in there. Hey, Jack? Yeah. I mean, who doesn't love good stationery? Let's take a look. Yeah. Sure.

You walk into a shop. There are several shelves dedicated to quills, to different kinds of colored inks, to charcoals, and other items that you might use for manuscript illumination. Oh. Gold leaf that you could imprint onto a piece of parchment. There's wax for seals. There are all different kinds of. of seals that you can use and different kinds of parchment.

I think I'm really just looking for like some some charcoal's and stuff just to be a little bit of creative on the road. I think like this set here, look, it's got a whole spectrum. Do you think that one's... Hey, yeah, do you want to share it? We should get one and then we can all...

And Doran's like grabbing pieces of the charcoal out and drawing on some of the paper that's there. It's like, oh, this one's like darker. Oh, I like this. Oh, and this one's lighter. Oh, hey, Jack, could we get this? Oh, do you think we could? Because then maybe I can even draw pictures.

That would be great, and we can share it. And that way, we don't have to spend too much of our goal on, you know, just this drawing stuff. Yeah, let's, I mean, nothing like an art night at the end of the day to calm down around the campfire. Let's do it. Sounds great. So just for some mundane calligraphers supplies, maybe like a little bit of a higher end, we'll call it like 10 gold.

That sounds good to me. I do also love the like, it's a shared set. I think that's going to be interesting. Yeah. I kind of pictured like a crayon set or a pencil set where you got the hard. I mean, I think by the end of it, we've got a stack of one of each and a bunch of other sketches.

Like it's hard to know when to stop when you're in one of those stars, right? Like, it's like, oh, and this pencil is the perfect one, though, and this will really get the good art out. You know, it's the tools that are really in need here. It's not me or practice. That's not what's holding us back. No, it's the tools.

And look at the good tools get the good, yeah. Krayloth and I got matching knives and forks. Mine a red metal. So while we were in the market, Krayloff is kind of like perusing while Red's over at the potion dealer and you just hear I'm arguing loudly 250 that's ridiculous I'll never pay it yeah and then and Kraloff kind of like nods and notes and then after Red storms off I want to go over to the potion seller sorry what was what was that all about oh what do you mean that that that customer that just came here he seemed

pretty irate. Yeah, he was trying to tell me that my stuff was too expensive. Listen, if I gave away every potion that I made for as little money as he was willing to pay, I wouldn't have a shirt on my back. Oh, well, uh, I understand that. Uh, you're a businessman. You got to do what you got to do to make a living. And Kralov picks up one of these potions. These are fine looking potions, too. It's, it looks like you're, you're peddling good quality here. Certainly, nothing butt. How do you make these? Do you make them yourself or do you sell them?

And Kraloff has one of the greater healing potions in his hand. I do. I do make these, yes. Trade secret. Okay. All right. I suppose you wouldn't want to part with. Ah, never mind.

I won't even ask. I just, I'm an admirer. I'm a chef myself. And I could admire alchemy, even though I don't understand it. But the craftsman's ship that goes into it. And while Kralov is talking to this shopkeeper, one of the other bottles of greater healing starts to levitate very subtly,

one in the corner of the table, and begins to move behind the shop, just slowly. Oh, shit. Steal it? Mm-hmm. Interesting. Okay, so you are trying to keep this guy distracted while something else happens exactly yes all right all right uh roll a deception check for me all right and i'm

going to use my inspiration because this is okay old or new only i i didn't roll nothing either that is a natural one and oh 18 this is a contested check against my perception i roll a 17. Oh, wow. So you got it, you got it over on me by one. But this could have been an interesting rest of the session with Kralath going to prison. The problem is I don't think Kriolath would go to prison. No.

That's worse. We'll see. I could talk my way out of it, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm glad you said talk your way out instead of a blood bath. I could kill my way out of this. He's like, well, sir, listen. I appreciate your interest, but unfortunately I can't be just given away all of my, the secrets of my trade.

No, no, no, no. I completely understand. Listen, you say, how much is this worth? It was $150, $200 gold? $250, sir. $250 gold, eh? All right, I'll take it. And Krayloff puts down $250 gold onto the table.

Pleasure, pleasure. Did you want this gift wrapped? We're offering free gift wrapped. for the Anu Philly sale. So if you like, I can put it in a nice bag for you with some ribbons. I'm not sure if this is a gift or if it's just... The gift of major healing. Sure.

Yeah. Yeah. Let's get a gift wrap, please. Nice, nice. For those aging friends of yours. He wraps it up in some nice paper and puts a velvet ribbon on the front of it, and he passes it to you and takes your money. Thank you, sir.

Thank you, sir. Thank you very much. You have a wonderful day. And Kralov walks off, and he walks down an alley between two little stalls and just kind of bobbing next to him appears this second grader yelling potion. He grabs it out of the air and just winks at the air and places it in his backpack. Red sitting in a fountain in the middle of the square. It's like, kicking, 250 gold, ridiculous cost. Ridiculous, I tell you.

And then he hears a thing. The sound of a bottle filled with some liquid placed on the fountain right next to him. And Red like looks over. What? There's a gift wrapped. He picks it up. Is it gift wrapped? Red picks it up and like tears open the package.

He's like, what the hell is this? Oh. What the hell? And he like looks around in the market to see if anybody's like, you know, around him. Red, actually, you, you look. Look back at the potion shop and you see that the potion vendor is talking with some members of the city guard. And they start looking around. And then the potion vendor sees you there on the rim of the fountain holding up this potion of greater healing.

And he points at you. And he's like, you can just hear kind of in the distance over the babble of the market. There he is. Thief. Oh. Red like looks over his shoulder at nobody and then like just puts the greater healing potion down. on the fountain and starts like casually taking a step back with his hands up. And like a couple of these armored guards are starting to hustle over to you.

What the hell? What the hell? You, this shopkeeper said that you stole one of his potions. I didn't, I didn't steal anything. That was just there, I swear it. How are we to believe you? What kind of a tale is that? Well, I, that feels personal.

Red looks at his tail. Red turns as thick as his tail's been severed. Meanwhile, Dorn and Jack, what have you been up to? You said that you wanted to buy some scroll, right? If there was a place here that sold mystical tomes and scrolls and things, that certainly Jack's got his eye out for a vendor of that persuasion. I feel like Doren's just kind of tagging along with Jack, like sort of like, buddying up.

So wherever Jack's going, Doren's just hanging around. He's going to go with them. Oh, yeah. And Dorn's not getting two steps out of Jack's Vision in a crowded marketplace either, given our last... Yeah, that's definitely on Doran's mind as well. Yeah, there's a bookshop that advertises the sale of scrolls. The two of you duck into a store that is strangely dim for one that claims to sell reading materials.

On one side, there is a shelf that is full of books. On the other, magical components, herbs, drying, jars of strange ingredients. And behind the counter, you see a small glass. last case with a few spell scrolls in it. There's a small sign that says anufili sale. Prices are good, exclamation mark. Not great, just good. And there is a gnomish shopkeeper sitting on a tall stool behind the counter.

Happy anufili. Good evening, sirs. How can I help you? Certainly here to see your fine wares. We're going to make some magic. Well, I wish you all the best and safe magicing to you, my sir. Tell us about your sale. 10% off all list prices for all of our books. And we have spell scrolls here as well.

Unfortunately, the shelves are a little more empty than normal because of the sale. But the prices, as it says on the shelf, the prices are good. I would never question it. So what are we looking at? Here we have a spell scroll for the spell grease, extremely useful in a tight situation. This here, for detecting poisons and diseases of all kinds. This is for divine favor from any deity that you are likely to worship.

I have a spell scroll of phantom steed as well, and this most dangerous of all is fire. Fireball, Jack. Yeah, no, some of those are, they're all great, not going to lie. Doran's probably doing something like flipping through these magic books. You open one up and it just starts screaming at you. Wow, I'll just put that one back. Phantom Steed sounds like the one for sure.

What'll that one set you back? Indeed, sir, Phantom Steed. The gnome turns around and with a small key unlocks the glass cabinet and gingerly picks up the spell scroll, places it on the counter in front of her. 1,000 gold, and then, of course, the sale, so 900 gold. Ah, hmm. 900. Yeah, it's a little pricey for sure.

You know, maybe I'll think about it. Doran's staying in there holding up the book. He's like, oh, how much for this one? It's called The Darkest Magic from the Darkest Depths. Darkest magic from the Darkest Depths. That sounds like something that would be locked in a glass case if a fucking spell scroll of greases. No, no, it's purely fiction, though.

It's literally a children's book. Oh, good, good, good. Yeah, Jordan, I think that one's in your reading level even. It might help you practice your comment. It's got some pictures in there, too. It was a real favorite of mine as a kid. It's been republished a whole bunch. So it's not bop up?

So it's not actually the darkest. magic from the darkest depths. No, no, it's just called that. It is, but it's like Dr. Seuss. Yeah, like the darkest magic is at the end of this book. Don't turn the page, please. And then there's like a plastic cut out where a little piece of wood wand would be and like you pop it out and like you get your own version of it.

Yeah. It's not actually magical. Are you getting that scroll, Jack? No, I think I'm okay. I was just window shopping. Yeah, yeah. All right, sir. If you change your mind, let me know.

No, and she picks the scroll back up and puts it back in the case. As Doran shelves the book of dark and infinite magics, or whatever the fuck it was. The darkest, dark, darkest magic from the deepest depths. Beside a fiction novel called Silent Saga, the conformist story of a righteous baron and his reign, perhaps this bothers you, Jack, because it does not seem like these books are shelved in any particular. order, your eyes fall along the spine of a book called De Nere and his rights. De Nere, yeah. I mean, it's the day for that. I think I'll take it up to the friend and say, you know what, maybe I'll just take this one. No better day to learn a little more about Deneer. You are not wrong, sir. Seven thousand gold. Shut up. You know what? And Doren's like,

well, how much for that? Because maybe I'll just get this one too. And he grabs the darkest magic from the deepest depths. Because I'm gonna, now I've got it in my mind. I'm gonna write this story. Yeah, we have to. It's a kid's book. Something has to happen with that book. Great, great.

Four gold for you, sir. She nods at Jack and 18 for you, a young master dwarf. 18, cool. Perfect. And he's flipping through it, kind of weighing whether he's gonna buy this still. But then your eyes catch on the illicit.

They're these beautiful woodcut illustrations. Okay. It's got pictures. It pushes down 18 gold on the table. Excellent. Well done. Meanwhile, back in the marketplace. Red, there are two guards.

One of them has you kind of, he's got a heavy hand on your shoulder. He's like, we'll have to take this up with the... Look, look, look, I told you. I don't, I have no idea. I didn't even touch the thing. Well, I touched. it. But I didn't even, well, okay, I opened the package. Look, I had no reason to...

Okay, look, I argued with the potion vendor about his prices, and I may have threatened him. But it wasn't a real threat. It was a lighthearted gesture. He's fine, isn't he? Read, like, gestures to him across the market square, and he's just scowling angrily at him. The other guard, this wire-thin human with a big mustache is like, seems like we heard all we need, actually. Well, hold on. There's got to be some sort of trial, some sort of fair reasoning. There must have been a witness to something.

Look, how would I have done it? There's no way. I'm not that... Okay, I'm pretty sneaky. Damn it. What's your name? Red-handed... Red. Just red.

Just red is my name. Red-handed? No, that's not my name. Okay, it is. But listen, it's not... It's just a nickname. It's a nickname I got when I was young because I would do things for people.

And it got me a lot of credit for good things. Punishment for theft is we take your hand. Not my right. Wait, not either hand. Is everything all right, Red? Kralov walks over. Kralov!

Jesus! They think I stole this potion! Well, how would you have stolen it? Well, that's what I'm trying to say. No, no, no, no, no. This was a gift. This was a gift for me. See, the wrapping paper's right there.

This is the one I purchased. What? Is that so? Yeah, you can see. The wrapping paper is. You wrapped it. You remember. The wrapping paper right there is exactly the wrapping paper that you use to wrap this here greater potion. Is it not, sir? It is, yes. Yeah, I gave it to my friend. I wanted to surprise him by leaving it out here on the fountain. There's no way this is, what's going on?

Yeah, yeah, he bought it. See? See? Crayloth. You bought it. Right. So you're saying that it's mere coincidence that I'm missing a potion. You are accosting my friend here for something. that was honestly purchased, and I don't think that that's real. I have nothing. Here! The guard by your shoulder paths you down, Red. Check the bag of holding. Yeah, and he goes through and he's pulling out, like, weird things you'd forgotten about from weeks ago. Don't play with that.

What's all this from? It's none of your business. You've been stealing all of these things? No, no, no, I bought every single one of them. Don't touch that. And don't lick that. I'm eating that later. Look around.

With all due respect, sir, this is an open marketplace. There are pickpockets and thieves all around. I don't understand why it is that you are targeting my friend here. Kralov, tell them we have nothing to hide. Let them pat him down too. We have nothing. Krayloff, let them pat you down. The guard then moves over to you and pats you down, Kralath.

Sure. If this is the way you want to handle this, that's fine. Does he find anything? No, he finds nothing. Hmm. The guard turns to the shopkeeper. He's clean, sir. well listen i apologize you understand that uh well reputation is everything and well i just don't want you to get

the wrong impression i mean i don't want this to if you want to maintain your reputation then i think that a potion as an apology a token of apology for inconveniencing my friend and i is an appropriate solution. He goes back over to his shop and you see him pick up another potion of greater healing and then he comes back. He brings it back to you. You don't have to do this. Look, you're just trying to do your best. Keep it. I don't want it anyway. No, no, I insist. No, I insist. Look, you're just trying to... Red. Pay for your own stuff. It's fine. It's fine. It was a misunderstanding. Red. Red. Well, thank you. Uh, I, uh... Anyway, you gentlemen have a lovely anna-filly.

I appreciate this. Thank you. I almost lost my hand. I need that one. And the other one. Kralov begins to chuckle and starts walking down an alley. And I was like, it's okay, Red. I'm glad that you got both your hands still.

Me too. Gee, sorry, man. I didn't know you bought this. I just appeared on the thing. You must have pulled an old sneaky and given it to me. Oh, I didn't steal it. And he kneels down to the stone road and he casts a spell. And the stone shapes away in the floor.

And then he reaches down into a hole that he's made and pulls out the second greater healing potion and says, I stole this one. Oh, listen, it's all right. 250 for a greater healing potion is an exorbitant amount. He had to learn his lesson. We are members of the ordaining. If anybody needs these greater superior healing potions, it's us. So I don't see anything wrong with what I did.

Plus, it was good fun. You should have seen the look on his face. And oh, watching you get accosted by the guards? Oh, that's one for the books. I guess, I guess, yeah. It's all right. I was really scared, Kraloff. I thought they were going to take my hand.

Right, right, yeah. Okay, well, I'm glad that it all worked out, I suppose. Yeah, yeah. My heart's racing. And at that moment, Jack and Doran sort of passed by the alley and maybe catch sight of the two of you in there. You know, I am looking forward to reading this. It's going to be really good.

Oh, hey. How's it going? What are you guys doing down there? Oh, yeah. Oh, nothing. Just hanging out. Oh. Well, we want to head to the Moongleam Tower?

Hmm. I think it's about time. Yeah, let's get out of this city. Did you buy anything really cool? Yeah, we got a couple potions. Oh, nice, nice, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I got this book. And I got some drawing stuff. We got some drawing stuff. Uh, yeah. Aw. Good job. Creel takes the book from Dort and begins leafing through it. And he's like, the darkest magic.

Hey, Jack. Yeah. Isn't this a kid's book? Yeah. It's to practice the common letters. It's like an A-B-A-B-Riming. Oh, yeah, I'm definitely like a monster at the end of this book is definitely the deep, deepest, darkest magic. It says the only way to defeat that monster is with love.

No, it's my best. brushing every day. That's great. That's why you must fly. All right, you guys head to Moongleam Tower. Yeah, I think on the way there, Red just like, yeah, give me one second. He heads off.

And I think when the potion vendor's not looking, he places the potion back and then continues on towards Moonglow Tower. Thank you once again to our wonderful Patreon. supporters, Heather Nichols, Alexander Reed, Merlin, Christopher Ryan Evans, Mitchell Cadwell, Colin Burkhart, K.R. Kelly McLeysot, Creature, Michelle Conn, Melanie Schien, Maggie Breeze, Stephen Lovett, Brian Blass, Lars, Gray, Bryn Marie, Marie-Marie, Daniel, Tara, Doug Churchman, Marie Kahniski, and Michael and Brianna Webber. See you soon.

Doran, I'll show you the difference. There's a shop over here that I think we'll have the scrolls and sort of the components. Oh, so we can get some spell scrolls or, you know, books with spells in them. That would be really interesting. Yeah, I'd love to see if they're good. I just think one day I could learn how to do spells. I mean, how does it feel? I don't know.

I don't know, Jack. It just seems a little bit scared of me. How does it feel when you use that ring of spells? The two of you duck into. Oh. That's right. It feels really odd. You know, I'm not quite used to it yet.

I mean, you're certainly getting maybe some more of that. Between your wand of secrets and that ring. You're able to trigger the effects. It's just that now crafting and channeling them is the real trick. You know, crafting and channeling this magic

is a much different experience than crafting and channeling the... Oh, you really just got to start to feel it with your mind, right? The two of you duck into a store that is strangely, you have to stop talking for me to be able to start talking. You're welcome.