Dice Shame - 143 | 'Earn an Honest Buck'

Episode Date: July 7, 2022

Comedy, action and a whole lot of shaming come together in Dice Shame, an Actual Play Podcast of Storm King's Thunder by Wizards of the Coast! Join our GM Jo; her partner Harlan, his brother Alex & their best friends Justin and Rob as they tackle the daunting world of Faerun in this legendary adventure module!Dice Shame is a podcast that welcomes its audience to the gaming table. Like the games they play at home, they try not to take themselves too seriously. The show aims to be entertaining, inclusive, and irreverent, while still taking the rules (somewhat) seriously.Join us every Thursday morning for brand new episodes available on all major platforms including; Spotify, iTunes, Google Play and more! If you haven't checked it out yet... what are you waiting for?!?Content Warning: swearing, violence, horror, mental illness and suicide. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

That was anti-climactic. Unless one of us is the assassin. Still clear. I'm coming. I'm sorry. Not really too exciting. It squealed in my head. You punched a door on the shoulder when you see an orc. I thought or explet it'd warn him first.

I think that second glass didn't go down quite right. Jack, look. Ben, he's tired. Here's an empty oil flash. So it didn't hurt you? I'm invested now. How dare you? What?

Well, at least down here. We're somewhat hidden. You know, assassins would have a very difficult time finding us, I think. Like, you know, we're off the roads, off the beaten track. Unless one of us is the assassin. Yeah. Welcome back to Dyshame. This is episode 143, earn an honest buck.

MVP this week goes to Knife Martin, who's been live. blogging their listen-through on our Discord. Thanks, Knife Martin. This one's for you, buddy. Malevolent, our sister show, is now a part of Rusty Quill. There are so many great shows and people under the Rusty Quill banner, and there's no place better to talk to these shows than the unofficial Rusty Quill Discord server, run by our friend Mr. F.

You can join the server by following at Mr. F from Reddit and following the link in his bio. We love interacting with Malevolent fans there and other members of the Rusty Quill team. Check it out now. for more communities to engage with. All right. Should we do this? Let's do it. Yeah.

Time passes strangely in the depths of the tunnels beneath the valley of Cadroon. Over hours and hours, the rhythmic plodding steps of the Rafé and the squeak of the mine cart wheels act as a pendulum swinging, maybe cause you to remember other things with persistence. trance, trance like. You're troubled with the memory of a drummer accompanying a fireside chant, the loneliness of a wave-beaten shore, of watching your lover's pulse as they sleep. The darkness is total, oppressive, and comforting in turns, depending on your own internal prejudice. The four of you travel on, atop your mind carts maybe. What do we see? Reds up front, behind the Roth, hey.

Just taking a look out. I feel like enough time has passed that he's sort of laying on the cat. Yeah. He kind of sits up every once in a while, peeks around, takes a look. Still clear. And lies back down. Yeah, I mean, Jack's got his lantern on, you know, tent pole, and he hasn't lit it yet. He's down to his flask of oil, so he's trying to, you know, play it safe and sort of go back to those, like, just the weird, dim gray shadows he sees with dark.

vision and you know which are really hard to read by it's a real shame so he's looking at all the books he'd like to read better but is running out of oil to read by you didn't know when you set out on this journey that you were going to be spending a bunch of time in the tunnels it wasn't wasn't a really thoughtful plan when we tracked down here who who to thunk next time though when we're going to deliver supplies as a on a first level quest we'll be ready Kraloff is sitting on the very back wagon, his legs dangling over the edge, just looking into the darkness behind them, not really watching to see if anything's following, more just watching as the walls of the tunnel continue past and the struts supporting the ceiling go by one by one. Doran sits up front and he's smoking a cigarette while he's sharpening his axe with a big wet stone. And he says, well, at least down here, we're somewhat hidden.

You know, assassins would have a very difficult time finding us, I think. Like, you know, we're off the roads, off the beaten track. Unless one of us is the assassin. I'm bored. I'm so bored. Anyone want to play a game? I'm thinking of a number or what humanoid am I? Or punch orky? Seven. Is it seven? It was seven. Seven. Dwarf. And what was the last question? Punch orky. You punch door on the shoulder when you see an orc. Oh, okay. They haven't seen an orc. I thought or explained it warn him first. Yeah. I like the idea that.

we play car games when we're traveling though like the the fantasy equivalent of car games it's like I see a peasant with one ear and a rotten eye ew I spy with my dark vision eye yeah yeah something that is gray is it rocks it's rocks oh we're colorblind though oh that's a good joke too that's the actual joke that wasn't The Rathes slow down and stop. One of them looking over its shoulder at you, Doren. Uh-oh.

They've stopped and they're looking at me like they need direction. What? Huh? Maybe they're hungry. And Dorn hops down and walks in front, looking into the darkness. Roll perception. Ooh. A 17.

Hey. Nice. What do my dark eyes perceive? Oh, Doren, peering ahead down the mind track into the darkness, you see that there's some growth of lichen along one of the rocks, just to the left. Apart from that, nothing else excites your vision. I think Red hops down from the front cart and enters in the frame, stands up beside Dorn. Hey, Dorn, what's the hold up? I don't know.

But if you look up there, there seems to be some of that, you know, some, some, some, some. some undergrowth down here. Now, I have to ask myself, if the Roth, they eat the undergrowth and they're stopping and not going towards it, maybe there's something they know that we don't know. Hey, uh, Jack, Rayloth, why don't, why don't you guys come up here? Hmm, yeah.

Ah, what's wrong, Benny? Red rubs the Rotha. Aw, everything okay, bud? Benny. It kind of tosses its heavy horns at you, enjoying your brief scratch. Ludol Are these beasts?

They are beasts Are they beasts? Beasts of bad No, but like Well, they're not, they're not humanoids And they're not No, but they could be monstrosities, I don't know Or Faye

There's a lot of options They're humanoids They have tiny, tiny wings Hidden underneath their harness But do all Faye have wings? No, I'm just fucking around Well, I don't know, I'm still learning I'm gonna stop.

Yeah, you know what? I'm going to use my primeval awareness. Beasts recognize me as a kindred spirit. Through simple sounds and gestures, I can communicate simple ideas to the beast as an action, reading its basic mood and intent. So I feel like as the others join, Red just scratching it's like,

Donn thinks it's some reason up there that's stopped them. But I think Benny just wants some scratches. And I'll spend a minute while the others are talking. Maybe with that, I suggest to Jack. Hey, why don't we go up? And I start to walk up towards this like-end. Yeah, I'm liking what I'm seeing. You get it?

You heard that one? No one laugh. No one laugh. He won't stop if we laugh. I just think lichens are neat. What is a lichen? Yeah, what makes it different than like a mussel? Well, it's a symbiotic creature, actually.

There's two different tiny bugs living together, and it grows like a plant. It's super cool. Oh, oh, you're talking about this plant. Oh, sorry. It's a lichen. Yeah, no, it's not a plant. Is it edible? technically.

Yeah. Oh. And Kualov gets like really close, probably too close to this lichen. I feel like Doran and Krayal, they're like down on their hands and he's looking at this stuff. Excellent. Is it growing like on the rail tracks? It's growing all up the side of the left cavern wall. I might break out the lantern with my bullseye lantern and spend the last of my oil to read by

to get a better examination of this of this lichen up close just to, investigate the scene a little bit. It attacks! I'm liking what I'm seeing. You're how late it is. Kralov might take his goggles off as well. Yeah. Okay.

On closer examination under lantern light, you see that this lichen is teal and purple in kind of rings, concentric rings growing out from the center of each specific growth. And as you approach, it sort of slightly flutters,

almost as if under a current of water. Now, I don't know about you, but this is either extremely poisonous or extremely delicious. It's only one of those two. Is that natural and expected from this kind of lichen or is there anything that might stand out about it or I might have read about in a book somewhere?

I don't know that you're super familiar with the underdark. I mean. That's good. You can roll a nature check with disadvantage. I'm going to cast guidance on Jack. I see him looking at this and I'm like, this beats me, Jack, and I put a hand on his shoulder and cast guidance.

Sure. Nice. In the meantime, Red, you detect that this Rothay that you are giving scriches to. Benny. Benny has got weary eyes. Oh, what's wrong, Benny? Beer. Beer. Oh, he's drunk.

Everyone is fucking drunk. Who put this giant plastic beer holder hat on him with two straws? I thought it would be funny. Benny is tired. Benny needs to take a rest. Oh, guys, Benny's tired. Benny needs a rest. What about you, Brenda?

Who's Benny? And I lean over to look at the Rathé behind. Brenda, do you need a rest? too? Brenda tosses her horns. Well, maybe we can find a spot to take a little nap. What do you guys say? Hey, what are you looking at?

Red says and slowly walks over to these ones, Lichen the Lichen. Just a neat plant. Would you get on your... I got a 15 with the guidance, yeah. Yeah, you're not super familiar with the plants of the underdark, but from what you can suppose, based on the plants movement and exotic colorings, it's probably not something that you would want to just foolheartedly take a big mouthful of.

Yeah, I'm nervous around strange underground plants. I definitely think, you know, things flutter and have funky colors, especially in the dark for reasons that worn off predators and stuff. Even if we could get them to Rathay to move back a little bit, Who knows what kind of spores or something this could put out? It could be a whole situation here. I don't know. It could be nothing.

It is just a weird plant in the underdark. I just don't know much about it. Maybe they just stop because they're tired. And I'm reading into this. Maybe it's just, what do you think? We let them off the leash and let them roam and they can eat what they know what's good for them, I imagine. I don't think they're hungry.

I think they're just tired. Well, let's unhook them either way, you know? Well, I mean, we could. Why don't we go up a little bit? Maybe there's a place we can rest. This is kind of a tight tunnel, Red Sazin looks around. Yeah, it is. It's fairly close on either side.

Maybe four or five feet between the sides of the tracks and the wall. Okay. Ben, are you okay to go a little further? This is the only time Alex has not made an animal sound when the opportunity has presented itself. That's perfect. Is it not yes? It nods yes.

I don't know how it would communicate with you, but it would go, mhr. Ah, that means yes, yes. All right, there's a joke in there I missed, but damn it. Give me one for yes or two for no. That's yes, yes, let's go. Perfect.

And yeah, I'll hop up and lead Benny. Maybe I'll even stay on foot to make sure he doesn't. get too tired. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Do you unclip the animals? Um, no. No.

No. No. Okay. No. They slowly drag the mind carts a few more feet, and then they don't move anymore. All right. Well, I guess we unclip the mine carts, right? This seems like a bad idea, though.

Well... Is it that they don't want to go into the spores? No, they're just tired. I mean, we can just rest here, then, I suppose. And Red sort of looks behind and looks forward. No reason why not. I mean, the tunnel is a tunnel. Yeah, I mean.

Yeah. And we don't know how much farther up it goes before we get to another, you know, a breaking point where it kind of opens up a bit. Yeah, that's true. We've been in this tunnel for, I don't even know what day it is. Has it been hours or days? From my calculations, we're near the end of our journey, right?

Is that? Yeah, I mean, oh, is it, have we slept already a day? Oh. Yeah, I think you guys have just dozed off on the top of the mind carts, because they haven't stopped before now. Yeah. Right, right. All right, well, I guess here's as good as anywhere then. We'll just take a nappy nap. Yeah, sure. Well, they will. We'll do something, I guess. Oh, I'll take a nappy nap. Yeah, I'll take a nap. Yeah, I'll play a game with Jack. Yeah.

What humanoid am I? It's an elf. It is. Good, good, good guess. All right. Well, you pick one next time, Jack. Okay, I got one. What humanoid am I? What's a humanoid? Isn't it your favorite enemy? Kralov turns to Jack and says, so, um, you want to take a little bit of that?

Should we take some? I'm nervous about that, given how close we are. Because what if disturbing it is what causes it to release a bunch of deadly spores or something? It's not my forte, and I... Yeah. Don't touch the lichen. No? No, just leave it where it lies.

It's best to just leave it. But how are we supposed to discover delicious new ingredients if we don't take potentially delicious ingredients? Oh, I mean, there is a long and storied tradition of somebody being bold in that way. I guess it's a question of, is not wrong? Is getting these rothay to the other side a bigger part of our mission or is finding new ingredients? And that's, honestly, how do you weigh this? Don't challenge them like that. I mean, I don't think they need to be one or the other.

I think it's very easy to just grab one and put it in a beaker or something. But no, if you guys don't want to pick the lichen because you're scared, then that's okay. Here's an empty oil flask. Why don't you wait until we're a little ways down the way? I'll stand watch and you do what you got to do. Krala just fucking explodes. Yeah. Don't want to pick no liking.

I'll pick the lichen. Just take some. Just take some. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to wait till I'm going to do what Jack requests, wait for the beast. Well, yeah, yeah. Pass the lichen and then I'll pick the lichen. I mean, imagine if it's explosive.

Oh, man. That'd be great. Well, yeah. Explosive lichen? Imagine we got beakers of explosive lichen. Oh, that'd be great. That'd be handy, right? So Red and Jack drive these cattle essentially,

pulling the mine carts forward, maybe a hundred feet down at a time. Yeah. Shine the light back on him just to be like, anytime now. Yeah, and then turn around and, yeah, Red sits with like his fists on his chin, poised the top watching with a big smile, excited to see what will happen. Whatever happens, we're excited. Go for it, boys. All right.

Maybe you stand over there, Doran, just a case it does explode. Yeah, sure. I'll be okay either way, I hope. So Dorn is not really concerned. He sort of stands there with his hands leaning on his axe. And Kralov finds a little tiny piece of lichen that's kind of off to the edge. And all of a sudden, after all of this buildup, he's actually a bit nervous. He hesitantly reaches his hand into this little piece of lichen, a single beat of sweat going down his forehead.

As your fingers approach the lichen getting closer and closer, you're not sure. if it's your own imagination or if you're truly hearing just this ringing in your ears. Hmm. I hear a ringing in my ears. Do it, Kralov. Do it. I hear a ringing.

Show us that we're the chickens. Do it. Uh-huh. Can I do a survival check? Yes. And Kraylop's survival is always like... He pulled his hand back. It's always related to his god. So can I be like, yo, Ray-L?

Is this a good idea? Mm-hmm. You can roll it. And she's probably going to say yes, and then I'm going to fucking explode. Really well. This is going to be so mundane. I'm excited. Okay, okay.

That is 21. Whoa. Okay. You hear the voice of your goddess in your head saying, do what thou wilt. What the hell? And Krayloff picks it. The sound that was once a ringing becomes a terrible high-pitched scream. And then as soon as you pluck the piece of lichen, it stops.

And you're just holding a piece of lichen in your hand. The color is somewhat dimmer than previous, but smells a little bit like maybe oregano. Well, that was unsettling, but it smells like oregano, which is very settling. What, um... Don't validate this action with actual spices. It's moss. Meanwhile, one potentially delicious spice? Yeah.

Every time you pick off a tiny... Now this is going to be a thing. Do you realize what you did? Every time you pick off a tiny piece of this lichen, you hear the same terrible scream in your head. The scream of agony. Oh, shut up. It can't be that bad. Doren watches this and obviously doesn't hear any of the screaming.

So, you know, he just sees Krala like reach towards the lichen and then stop and then kind of do some internal thinking and then reach and pick it. And like he looks really shocked and then puts in the jar and. Yeah. Every time his eyes go wide. Well, that was, um, that was anticlimactic. Antichlamactic? What are you talking about? Smell this.

And Kralov holds up the beaker to Doren's nose. Um, well, it smells like, yeah, it smells like, I guess, it smells herbie, I guess, yeah. Not, it's not really too exciting. It's oregano, Doran. It's oregano. Come on. And Kralov walks back to the, the last cart. Yeah, Doreen, too. Sort of shrugging. I think Kralov is going to bring it to Jack and hand it over to him. He says, save some for cooking purposes.

But interesting thing about this. It squealed in my head. What? Now, I don't know if that's a normal lichen property. It's never happened to me before. I didn't even know the word lichen until now, but maybe I've seen stuff like this on trees. But I think it's weird that it was screaming in my head,

and Doren couldn't hear it. Yeah, I couldn't hear it. I was just about to say, you heard screaming? Yeah, I heard screaming in my head. I don't think it was my own anxieties. I think this time it was the lichen, because it disappeared as soon as I picked it. Doren kind of gives this like bewildered look to Jack and Red.

Sort of like is our friend losing his mind type of look. This is one of those like, this smells bad, smell it kind of situations. And now I got to go pick some lichen before we can move the adventure forward. Hold a full stop. Red, you're up at the front, right? With the first Rothay. As you look back and you see Kray Loth and Doren interacting with Jack, you notice that the distance between the two Rothay is.

wider than it used to be. Ha, ha, good, good job, boys. Oh, hold on, Betty, Betty. And I hop up, boys, Betty's still moving. Hurry up. Oh, come on, Betty. Whoa, and I pull Benny a little bit. Oh, huh.

All right. All right. Torture your mushrooms later. Dorn kind of escorts Jack as well. Likin's not a mushroom. That's a fungus. It's a symbiotic. It's screamed.

I think it's alive. What, that, no, I'm not, no argument. It's alive. Hurry up. coming. I'm sorry. We're coming. Yeah, Doran joins. So, Kralath, you collected some, like, and Jack, did you actually run back there to grab some? Yeah, if there was time to run back there and...

It depends how fast you are at running. You got Thunderstep. You could do it. I'll catch up. Cave in. Yeah. That's great. All right, you come back with however much vegetation you feel like, or insect or whatever the hell. I just wanted to experience it for myself. Oh, yeah. You totally experience all that stuff that I described. Fascinating.

It's just as Kralath told it to you. Yeah. Cool, right? It's really cool. Did you hear the screaming, too? Oh, yeah. No, it's totally, it's a, I've never described anything like that before. Fascinating.

Wow. Rad, are you around a corner? What? I don't know. I'm doing the job we're on. Yeah, no, we're coming. Driving a Rotha. I tried to slow it.

Oh, come on. It's not listening to you. Yeah, now it's doing its own thing, boy. See you then. Oh, okay. You're not like stampeding out of sight, but the distance between the two Rathay is definitely slowly getting a little bit wider. Who's behind, Betty? Benny, no, that's Brenda.

Oh, Brenda. Come on, Benny, come on. All right. Go back for Brenda. Here, let me try. Maybe it's a weight thing, and Kralath hops off of the back wagon and goes towards the front wagon hops up there with red. Yeah. There.

Maybe our combined weights will slow it down. Maybe. He seems pretty driven. Benny, what's going on, bud? Can I try to read his mood and intent again? Yeah, you want to spend a minute just... Yeah. Red just like flops on his back. He's like holding him. Let me just read you.

You're like not that much bigger than he is either. I mean, they're strong, muscular beasts, but they're still medium size. So I love the idea of red just draped over the whole body of this creature to read. It's not even going that fast, but Red is... like, for some reason, struggling to hold on. Whoa! Oh, no! You're just sitting there.

You see Red just, like, static on it. But for some reason, making it seem like he's about to fall off. Oh, no! This is the man that was hired to kill you, Doren. What? Yeah, I know. And meanwhile, Doren's holding Brenda's reins kind of pulling her. Come on.

Come on. Hurry up a bit. Yeah. Benny seems fine. Benny's having a great day. Oh. Benny seems fine. Krillov, you stay here.

And Red stands up on the back and runs. off the back towards Brenda. Yeah. Kralath, now that you're in the front, you see that you're starting to round a corner a little bit, and there's someone there.

Someone is standing by the mind cart tracks up ahead, maybe about 50 feet away. Brenda, what's wrong with you? And Brenda's dragging her rothae feet. And I'm going to do the same thing. I'm going to do my bestial insight. Okay.

It takes a minute, though, right? Yep. In the meantime, Benny's just continuing to move forward towards this figure. Okay, all right. Stop. Stop, buddy. Stop. Uh-huh.

Guys, there's a person. And meanwhile, Doran's, like, coming up to Creelaw. Hop off! I don't think they go unless we're not on them. Unless we're on them. No, they go so long as the load's hooked up. Oh, that's it. Yeah, Doren grabs the pin of Benny and unlatches the...

I must have missed that. that direction and Kuala pops down. Oh, there's one thing I were actually retained. When you're as meticulous as Doran, you don't let details like that slip. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but guys, who the hell is that? Guys, there's a person around the corner. Look, look over there. Yeah. What? What the hell is that? Is it another lizard person? I don't know. I don't think so. It hasn't attacked us yet.

Anyone with dark vision would peer through the gloom and you see that there is a goblin standing behind a table at the side of this mind track. Red leaves Brenda and joins the others. Yeah. Ah, would you look at that? I'm going to spend, oh, that's a minute. Yeah. Do it, do it.

I know what you're going to use, and you've never used it. I know your enemy. You want to see your cool skills? That sounds great. If anyone could size up a goblin, it's Doran. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, hell, then I'll finish my minute with Brenda instead then. Yeah.

My minute with Brenda. So Doran's going to stand there, and he's going to spend a minute, observing and I want to learn if they're equally superior or inferior to your wife when it comes to when it comes to total class level and I don't know what do you guys think strength exterior constitution armor class hit points okay cool both of them are inferior to your own so this is a lower level and less vital creature. Yeah, so Doran kind of turns and he says,

well, it's just a little, it's just a little, just a little guy, goblins. Yeah. And, uh, well, I've had dealings with goblins before. Should we go up and talk with it? See what's going on? Might as well. There's only one road out of here.

In the meantime, Red, you find out by staring a minute into Brenda's eyes that Brenda is sad. Oh. Oh, Brenda, what's wrong? Brenda? Brenda's actually making a soft little, hum, home, home. Oh, home, sound. Oh, Brenda, and I give her some scratches.

There's no reason to be sad. What's wrong, little Brenda? Can you look at what's causing your grief? Is it your chain? And Red, like, tries to tug at her straps. Is this too tight? Her flanks are warm to the touch. Her eyes are moist and glassy.

Oh, well, just stay here. I'm going to figure out what's wrong with you, okay? I've got to see what they're doing, though, and red jogs over. As you are all standing around for a minute, variously discussing the goblin and looking into the Rathay's eyes and whatnot, the goblin kind of gives you guys a little wave. Red waves back. Hello! Dorn kind of starts walking already, and he approaches the goblin. Yeah, Krayloff follows.

And Red does too. Hello there. What are you doing up here? Welcome to Prango's Delight. Be amazed. It's Prango herself. Ooh. Oh, wow.

Oh, hi there. Prango. Prango's Delight. What is this, a little shop you've got set up here? Yes, yes, yes. Oh, yes, it is. Prango has this. She reaches down underneath her.

her table, and all of the muscles straining in her little physique, she pulls this huge pitcher of liquid up onto the top of the table, and it sloshes just a little bit. The hell is this? Just lemonade stand. You've come such a long way. Take a rest. Take a rest. Have some ilk sap.

Just one gold per cup. I think as this is happening, you know, Doran's kind of looking around. Looking for anything out of the ordinary possible ambush traps in our immediate vicinity. Surely it can't be this good a deal. One golden cup. Well, it is a little bit odd. Never trust a goblin. Yeah, you can all a perception check.

So that's going to be 21. Wow. Doran, you do not detect the presence of any other creatures besides yourselves and this one goblin in the stretch of tunnel. You don't perceive any signs of ambush. You do perceive a little goblin. She's wearing a mish-mash assortment of clothes. Most of them seem to be too big for her.

And she's very excited to sell you this beverage. Do you get many people through here? No, that's why Prango is so excited to see you. What have we got here? What's in the liquid? Well, as Prango said, this is Ilksap. Ilksap. Sure, I'll have one.

Red slaps the gold down. She sets out a little cup and struggles with the pitcher, finally, sloshingly pouring you a portion, Red. Wow. One gold. Now, Red picks it up and downs it in one gulp. Ooh, red. It is refreshing.

It tastes good, but a little bit like, like a parsnip, like a root vegetable-type taste. It's lightly carbonated. Hmm. And, uh, inoffensive. This is delicious. Mm. Boys, wonderful drink.

Pringo, wonderful job. Thank you. Very good. That's pretty bold of you just to just drink this free drink from this underground goblin. Uh, let me try some of that. Kralath reaches over and grabs a cup. Yeah, she. Again, just pours you.

This picture is about the size of her torso, and she just wrestles with it. It's like a three-year-old with a milk carton. Mm, very nice. What's ilk sap? Ilks sap is sap from the ilk? You don't say. What's an ilk?

It is a root. Hmm, right. Oh, I thought you said elk sap. I thought this was elk pee. What is an elk? Oh, it's really cool. It's the animal I always guessed to be. Prango, do you live down here?

Yes. Oh, yes. Oh, by yourself or do you have a clan? Prango lives with her brother. Oh. Doran's kind of looking around a little flabbergass of that, you know, the lack of concern that Red just displayed in drinking this drink. I mean, he questions fucking everything.

Unless you're at a bar, in which case... He always questions people's what their agenda is, if they can be trusted, asking this, that, and the other thing. And then here, we come across a goblin in the deepest, darkest mine shaft, selling free drinks, and he's like, gulp. Well, she's adorable. So Doren's just kind of like... Hold on, that was not a free drink.

That cost me an entire gold. Well, that's true, fair enough. That's not true. I ate a fucking berry from someone's bush once. What are you talking about? Literally one that thought was poisonous. I threw it in my mouth and got violently ill. Fair enough.

But that was your own, that was your own, you found it on a bush, right? It wasn't like somebody came up to. Red also did that, admittedly, to his own benefit,

but when you guys were exploring the netherese tower. Oh yeah, and I got to put like a magic thing from it. So it's diarrhea or magic. I was going to say it's very, very, very red to just, Do the thing that doesn't seem too dangerous.

Well, but Doran is a little bit. Hmm. So it didn't hurt you? Nah, it feels great. I mean, my tummy's a little sore, but that could be because of all those berries I ate. Remember those berries? Jack will put two gold down on the,

I don't know, hand two gold over to Prango and get a cup for Doran and himself. Uh, let's give it a shot. Hey. Prango thanks you. Sounds good to me, and Doran downs it as well. Yeah, she pours you two cups. It's sour

For some reason I feel like Dorn has a lot of cavities I don't know why Because he doesn't bathe So is all you got the juice or do you sell anything else too Oh Prango wasn't sure that you would be interested in other things First Would you like more Ilksap?

I'm good It was good though Dorn kind of points to Brenda And he nudges Nudges Red Didn't you talk with that animal back there? Yeah, something seems up with her. Come, I'll tell you, if you want.

And Red starts heading towards Brenda. Why don't you give her some of this? I'm sure both the animals could use a drink. I mean, what the hell? Red looks at the lemonade thing, looks at the Brenda, looks at the lemonade thing. All right. And he buys another glass. And then walks back over with it sploshing around towards the Rathay.

Yeah, and Doran's kind of helping too. Would you like more Ilksap? Yeah, sure. Awesome. She pours you another glass of this same... Here, here. And Kralov pours out his water skin and then holds it out for her. I don't know, what's this, two or three cups worth.

Oh. Like it's good, Kralath, but... Prango, thanks you. She pours almost the full pitcher's worth into your water skin. And then there's just a little bit left in the bottom. And she looks at you, Jack, with these big goblin eyes. Yeah, fill me up. Red and Doran.

You bring this glass back to the Raffay. There you go, Brenda. Maybe you're thirsty. She seems to be upset about something sad, I think, even, Doran. Really? Did you say anything to her? I didn't. But, I mean, looking at her, she looks like she should.

You could just use a drink. All right. And I hold it under to see if she's tantalized. You want a little bit of this? Brenda holds her face away dramatically from the glass. No, she doesn't want this. Here, darn, you drink it. Now, now, and Red passes me the drink.

So Doren puts a hand on the head, shoulder, neck area of this Roth A, and looks at Red, sort of rolling his eyes a bit, and then turns back to the Roth A and says, now, now, Brenda. Come on, it might make you feel better. Are you sure you don't want to try a little bit? She turns her head again to the other side. She's sad, Doran. It's not that she's thirsty. Look, Brenda, what's making you sad? Your saddle's not too tight.

Are you tired of walking? Give me one honk for yes, two honks for no. Whompf? Whompf. Oh, no. Hey, wait a minute. Wasn't Benny walking up ahead? Did you and Benny have a fight?

She just looks down at the track Is this about Benny? Just looks kind of a way. Is she say anything to you? I don't know. Give me one honk for yes. Is this about Benny? Oh.

It's about Benny. It is. What did he do? What did he do? Ritz says like turns, looks in the vague direction of the other Rathay and then looks back towards her. Did he say something that hurt you

or do something? Do you talk? Dorn, I think this is about Benny. Well, you know better than I would. You're the one talking to the beast of burden. Dorn's drinking the... It's not a beast of burden. Don't call her that.

Well, he's beautiful. You know, this beast that's pulling our burden, I guess. Look, if Brenny doesn't want to tell us, maybe Benny will tell us. Let's go see what we can find out from him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The politics of Rathé. Doren's sort of It doesn't really know if he believes

that Red can really talk or understand these creatures Just kind of going along with it Red's just inventing these like I love that dramatic story He's so bored it's clear Everyone who's consumed this ilk sap Begins to feel a little bit dizzy

Yeah I knew it God damn it That was carbonated So those bubbles had to come from the something Hmm. So, uh, and Krayloff kind of wipes his forehead a little bit. Uh, oh.

You got any other wares? Yes, a Prango has this painting. And she lifts up a piece of cloth that has been daubed with different colored clays. Uh, my brother made it. He is very talented. Now, I've seen a lot of. of art objects in my time um what do i make of it it's not more than a hundred years old yeah i know uh certainly not an archaeological find but maybe there's some artistic merit to it would you

like to roll a oh man i guess a i would say charisma check yeah uh sure let's let's see if i get anything from this art maybe it speaks to me oh 19 nice um um Certainly to the right collector, it might be very interesting. To the untrained eye, it seems a little more than the flailings of an untalented hack. But I think that really erases the cultural significance of what is put on display here. It's not just anybody splashing colors on a canvas. This is goblin art from, you know, I could see this in a gallery and water. for sure. Your brother should go to Waterdeep.

Yeah. I don't think she knows what Waterdeep is. Oh, it's a great city for art. It's got a great art scene. 20 gold. 20 gold. So? What do you say, Jack? Won't go halfsies? Eh, well, it's just where

would we put it? I'll take it. Grayloth shows forth 20 gold. Yes. She rolls it up gingerly and ties it with a length of twine. Ah, good eye. A collector, I see. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I like this, uh, is this, like this, this, this red clay here works really nice with the gray clay. Uh, very, very nice. What else you got? Uh, I, I have this. Prango is not sure if you are ready for this wear. Oh, Prango, we are.

at the most roadside stop you can get. There's no more touristy folks than us on a path like this. Lay it on us. Feast your eyes on this. Doran turns to red, and he's like, Oh, red. I don't know. I think that second glass

didn't go down quite right. I'm feeling a little bit. Off. I don't know. I feel fine. It's totally fine. Yeah, yeah. Trust me. It happens all the time when you try to. Maybe it's those berries. Oh.

Yeah, sure, it's the berries. Anyway, Betty, did you say something to Brenda? One honk for yes, two for dough. Benny doesn't say anything. He just shakes his big horns at you. Benny, now you listen to me. Yeah, listen to him. Did you hurt Brenda's feelings?

I'll make you walk extra double time if you don't tell me the truth. Benny looks over his shoulder at you. reproachfully Jack, what does reproachful mean? He didn't say The dungeon master said it Shut up, who?

Look at the way he's looking at you. Ilksap makes you aware of the fact that you're playing in a game of Dungeons and Dragons. Reproatsful, are you? Reproachful, ah, well, reproachful. How dare he? All right, fine, you don't want to play?

You're going to be lugging an extra cart, and we're going to take one off Brenda. How do you like that? Mm. Now unless you go talk to her and sort out your differences and get along,

because we got a lot of, a lot of, excuse me, they've got a lot of distance to go. Excuse me, I think I'm going to be sick. It's just in your mind, do it.

Oh, I'm dizzy. Now you answer us, Benny. One honk, yes, two honks, no. Did you say something to Brenda that hurt her feelings? Oh. How dare you? Was it because she wanted to be nice to you?

Brenda is a sweetheart and a darling. Now you tell me right this instant, did you make fun of her lopsided horn? Benny hangs his head low. How could you? It's beautiful. Then Benny sort of turns and, starts to slowly walk back through the darkness toward Brenda.

Yeah, you make things right. Meanwhile, Prango, Jack, and Kraloth are all staring down what she's placed on the table. It is a dirty, empty bottle. Aha. New it. And she says, it's a ghost. Excuse me? No, didn't know it.

Is it? Oh, yes. Prango caught this ghost. Kralath casts detect undead. There's nothing in there. Is it a goblin-made bottle or is it a bottle from somewhere? You tried to trick the wrong cleric. Oh, no. Oh, you know, so Jack's mage hand is invisible now because he's telekinetic.

And so as Kralath says it's not a ghost or whatever, Jack picks it up with his mind and shakes the bottle vigorously. and sets it back down. Yes, Prango leaps into the air, pointing. See, see, Prango is not lying. Oh, oh, wow. Seems haunted to me. The bottle floats a little closer to Prango. Do you do something to make this ghost mad, Prango?

No, no, this ghost was found by me in the darkest stretches of the lowest caverns. Oh, it haunted me when I was sleeping and I woke up. heard who pango and I picked out my strongest bottle and I captured the ghost inside of it. I lured it in with a song. And then when the ghost went inside, I put the cork in the bottle and here we are. Ten gold. Let's see, maybe if the ghost wants to come with us, let's see. I'll put the bottle down on the table and give it a spin.

And if it points at one of us, it definitely wants to come with us. But if not, maybe it needs to stay with you. A pet ghost is a really fashionable thing in water deep. Oh, no. Oh, no. I dare not make the ghost inside dizzy or angry. I want to give you inspiration. Thank you.

Yeah, really. All right. You're not brave enough, I guess. 15 gold. Oh, wait. Why did the price go up? Because it moved. Mysterious ways.

Yeah. Well, I don't want to buy it for 15 gold, but maybe 10. Maybe I could be convinced with 10 gold. The bottle slams itself down on the counter. See? You're making the ghost angry, suggesting it only worth 10 gold. Who could do such a thing? Well, you see, I've dealt with many ghosts in my time, and while I understand that this ghost may seem very valuable, I'd only say it's worth about 10 gold based on my experience.

He's a collector. She holds up her hands, palms facing you. Okay. Collectors price then, 10 gold. For my esteemed friend, ghost collector, here you are. She passes the bottle to you, and she kind of hot potatoes it between her hands for a second, and then she gives it to you. It almost doesn't leave when she tries to hand it off,

but then there's this last minute of like it flies out of her hand. That's awesome. Jack, look. Whoa, you got the haunted bottle. A ghost. Mm-hmm. Benny makes his way back to Brenda, and at first you see that the Rothay is hiding her face from him coyly.

she's shielding her disformed, her disfigured horn away from where he can see. We're going to get to the bottom of this door and look, it's clear they've got hit. Don, what are you doing? Are you sleeping? Wake up. No, I'm right here. I'm paying attention. It's just not feeling very well. It's just like eyes are like mostly closed. I'm not sure what's going on. Are they apologizing? I can't speak when you're speaking. I can't hear them.

It's all about emotion, Dorn. Look, look, I can teach you. Just look at their eyes and open your heart and imagine what it feels like to be it. It's all about empathy. Once you get yourself in their shoes, you can pretty much guess what they're doing. See, Benny's saying, I'm sorry, Brenda.

And Brenda's saying, You should be sorry. And Benny's saying, It's because I, well, I don't have a friend in this world. And Brenda's saying, I just wanted to be friends with you too. See? Isn't that obvious?

They both look back at you. Doran's, like, lit another cigarette. He's just standing there watching you reenact. And Red's, like, bouncing from in front of Brenda to in front of Betty. And to Red, these animal's eyes contain all of these expressions, these micro expressions, and the way that they're holding their heads, everything tells a story. And to Doran, there's two oxen standing in on a mine cart and one of them pees. And then that's what happens.

Well, that's great, Red. You know, I'll tell you, I'll tell you, it's a real, it's a real gift you've got. And, and I think you should just keep on doing that. Red turns back to Doran, and he's been crying. She was heartbroken, Doran. She just, she, she, she put her love out there to Betty, and he, he rejected her. We have to make this right. And Red puts his hand on door on your shoulder.

Prango pulls something really big for her. Whoa. In reality, more so the size of like a large piece of luggage. But she pulls up this big box and sets it with a shutter on the table. What's in the box? This is Prango's surprise box. Whoa. You can't know what's in the box until you buy it.

Uh-huh. How much? 25 gold. All right. And he turns to Jack and he's like, I'm invested now. I mean, I was going to go in on this one. Do you want to split this one with you? Sorry.

Damn it. Yeah. Great luck. All right, all right. Surprise box. What do you think it is, Jack? Another ghost? I hope so.

I feel like Red and Doren walked back up. Yeah. Red's just wiping off tears. What's wrong with you? How did you guys do? Oh, we married the Rothays. How are you guys doing? We bought a haunted bottle, and we're about to see what's in the box.

Yeah. Oh, cool. You're spending all your money, I see. Oh. What do you mean? Everybody's lost their mind except for me. Hey, it was a beautiful wedding. You shut your mouth.

I had a Prango's brother original. It could be something good. it could be more juice and Krayloth opens the box Krayloth inside you find a veritable treasure trove of goblin

knickknacks You find a handful of colorful bugs and beetles All dead mind you I'm imagining like a June bug type beetle but it's got like

lustrous red carapus A couple of loose crystals that were maybe snapped from a crystalline formation in some deep cave. Three tarnished silver rings. A frog lashed to a stick. The frog is also dead. A button, a large mushroom,

and a necklace with an opal on it. With a snap of his finger, Kralov casts detect magic. Hmm. The necklace has a slight aura of magic. Hmm. And Kralath closes the box, locks it, looks up at the goblin, and says, I love it. In fact, I think it's worth an extra five gold.

Wow. Wow. She applauds. And then she curtsies. Prango, thanks you for doing business with her. And with that, she releases you from your prison. She goes to behind the table. and she cranks this hidden gear

and you hear the sound of stone grinding on stone with that, you smell a fresher odor coming from down the passageway. Oh, interesting. Oh, yeah. Well, we were wondering about that. Good job, Kralath, solving the riddle. Kralath is just kind of dumbfounded.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, bye. And we head back to the conference. Carts. Goodbye, Perango. Arms full of goblin treasure, the four of you make your way back to the mind carts, where the two Rathé are still rubbing horns towards the back of the carts. And strangely, the whole area is lit with this beautiful blue light. Doran turns to red, and he kind of nudges him, said, look what you did.

Look, look. Oh, isn't it nice? I'll go back. you know. Oh, oh, God. Never mind, never mind. Guys, we're going to have to give them five more minutes. Why? Thank you once again to our wonderful Patreon supporters, Heather Nichols, Alexander Reed, Merlin, Christopher Ryan Evans,

Mitchell Cadwell, Colin Burckhardt, K.R., Kelly McLeysot, Creature, Michelle Kohn, Melanie Shen, Maggie Breeze, Stephen Lovett, Brian Blass, Lars, Gray, Bryn-Marie, Daniel, Tara, Doug, Marie Kahniski, and Michael and Brianna-Weber. See you soon! Woo! It's an elf. It's always... Damn it.

What a humanoid in a... Fuck off! What an emmaid am I? We can never say it right. It's tough. Say it. Say it fast. What humanoid am I?

What humanoid am I? What humanoid am I? Oh, I couldn't do it. Oh, justice. Damn it. It's not a normal. The two professional voice actors fucked it up. What humanoid I?

You're better than everybody, obviously. What humanoid I? Anyway.