Dice Shame - 149 | 'Feel Like A New Person'

Episode Date: August 18, 2022

Comedy, action and a whole lot of shaming come together in Dice Shame, an Actual Play Podcast of Storm King's Thunder by Wizards of the Coast! Join our GM Jo; her partner Harlan, his brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they tackle the daunting world of Faerun in this legendary adventure module!Dice Shame is a podcast that welcomes its audience to the gaming table. Like the games they play at home, they try not to take themselves too seriously. The show aims to be entertaining, inclusive, and irreverent, while still taking the rules (somewhat) seriously.Join us every Thursday morning for brand new episodes available on all major platforms including; Spotify, iTunes, Google Play and more! If you haven't checked it out yet... what are you waiting for?!?Content Warning: swearing, violence, horror, mental illness and suicide. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey lady, get away from there. Inceptionary. I'm going hard. I'm going hard right now. You keep your mouse shut. Don't point at me. That's so rude. It also leaves like a wet patch on him. You better get on those quick. They often have treasure in them. Do not get drunk. Please get down off of the table.

I grew up as the run to the litter. So that hurts doubly for me. You had a past history with this guy. This is my alter ego, Peter Refrington. I realize now that I'm not entirely sure what you are. Hey, you would be the second person that I didn't kill for money of my friends. Welcome back to Dyshane. This is episode 149, feel like a new person. MVP this week is Alex Nersal for being an incredible person who you're going to hear from in a little bit.

Stay tuned. loving dice shame or Invictus or even malevolent? If so, please consider joining our Patreon at the Invictus stream. It's the best way to help support the vision for the show that we want and a great way to keep vermin out of your house. It's true. Just one Patreon dollar helps keep 50 easels out of the toolbox. Should we do this?

All right, let's do it. Winter hides. Creatures burrow deep under the snow. voles safe in tunnels of warm dry grass, still smelling of autumn, protected from the shivering, watchful eyes of raptors. Winter reveals. No matter how stealthily prey may travel, snow still betrays their passage, whether with a crunch or through a tiny trail of footprints, the predator can be alerted, can follow tenacious, no matter how far. The winter road tells a story, for anyone perceptive enough to read it.

The snow is crushed in the parallel lines telling of wagon wheels, several different boot prints, and two sets of animal hooves. Beside these, another set of prints off to the side, and the crunch of the creature making them. Alex? Who do we see? There is a relatively tall, water genassi, walking, Along the road, just by yourself, wearing mostly an outfit made of animal hide and leather that's been expertly made, clearly by someone who knows what they're doing, but like someone

who knows from experience and, you know, like a grandmother has made it. And she has light blue skin, dark gray hair, and is ever so gently tapping a little knife against the occasional branch that she comes along. and every time that knife taps, a couple of petals fall. An idle habit. Yes. The Deseran Valley is all scrubby hills and valleys. The road hugs one such hill.

And around the bend, you come upon a strange vignette. A pair of covered wagons are stopped in the middle of the trail. Their horse is bored and nosing around in the snow. Three humans are bent, huddled around the axle of one wagon, arguing loudly. You see that one of the wagons seems to be outfitted with the bars of a cage and a fourth creature sits inside, their legs dangling through the bars, swinging them idly. Hey! Hey! I kind of like have an arm through, and I'm kind of waving it at this person.

Hello? I'm trying to sort of see what this arm looks like, but it looks not human. Come here. Hello, I sensed you coming. Hello. And I feel like I'm like waving you over like a come hither type thing. Come, come. One of the men who's bent down by the axles just kicks the side of the wagon and it sort of rocks a little bit.

Oie, quiet down in there. I didn't say nothing. Shut up. How far am I from? You're about 100 feet off right now. You can just barely hear his stage whisper. I'm like, we're backstage. Get out of stuff.

The audience can hear. What do you do? I want to help this guy. This feels weird. I've been out on the road for a long time, just by myself. So what I would like to do is I would like to get these guys out of here. I want these dudes. I want to distract them a little bit.

I'm trustworthy, I promise. And even though I'm sitting there and I'm like tapping. the knife against a branch and like a bunch of daisies pours out. Ooh, that feels weird. I like your knife. Um, I would like to shape some water. I just create like a, just with my hands, just a ball of water that's about the size of, I was going to say, like the orb you tell fortunes in, which sounds like a crystal ball.

Yes, let's just say a small bowling ball, like you're going five pin round. I create an orb of water, the size of an orb. Orb. It's orb-sized. Inception or. Yes, it is your standard orb. And I just sort of lob it into the forest. Yeah, what does it look like?

I pull it from the air. So the moisture in the air just forms into a shimmering damp orb. That as it sort of flies through the air, you get, You only notice it if you're watching for it. But as it hits the tree, as it comes down, it just sends everything around it, spiraling, birds going, animals running away. There's a squirrel. The squirrel is now soaked. It's very mad.

It now has a vengeance against me for wrecking its little house. I think Red picks up on this and sees it you doing that, and he's like, oh, and he like turns the opposite direction. He's like, I saw a giant. I swear, it's just over there. Yeah, can I just try to, like, deception, like, play off? of that and try to like sell these people you gotta go in there that if the giant doesn't get tracked down and killed you could easily take it it was tiny roll deception i'll do it that's what i do that's seven for deception i swear i'm innocent all three men stand up from this uh roadside repair that

they've been busily attending to one of them sticks a finger in through the bars at you and says i've heard enough of you hey you keep your mouse to Shut. Don't point at me. That's so rude. So rude. Mont, Krieg, go check it out. And the two guards walk off into the woods. You still see their backs. They're going through the undergrowth, kind of hesitantly poking at it with their hafts of their spears. It seems like you've momentarily distracted two of three humanoids. And I wave at the blue person. Hey! I'm sitting there and I'm just, I'm feeling bad about the fact that I just wrecked that squirrels day. I still want to talk to this guy.

Something feels off. I would like to cast hallucinary terrain. Okay, great. What the hell is? I'm going hard. I'm going hard right now. Tell me about hallucinary terrain. I've never even heard of that.

You make natural terrain in a 150-foot cube in a range, look, sound, and smell like some sort of other terrain. Okay. So you can make a pond look like a field. You could make a mountain look like a pond. Someone can just watch right into it. It's all pond-based. It's all pond-based.

It must be either was or to be a pond. Okay, so right now we're looking at this wintry roadside in the desert and valley. Pond. Just pond. Hallucinatory pond. Yes. The last dude is standing.

Wherever he's looking, that has now become a desert oasis. There's a palm tree. It's like when you're in the, the, comic idea of one where there's just little sand dunes and there's a single palm tree and there's like a weird little pond. Oh, that's how they all literally are. I'm sure of it. Yes, yes. And there's a decorative little sand castle. It's just far enough in the distance that he has to, he has to take a little walk to get there. Oh, it's one of those rare natural forming desert

oasis. You better get on those quick. They often have treasure in them, Red will say, and try to aid the deception. I promise I won't tell the other guys when you're Strike it big. He does one of those cartoonish gestures where he scrubs at his eyes with both closed fists. And he kind of wanders off 50 feet away to go and take a look at this weird magic sand. Yeah, and Red drops the stage whisper. How the hell did you do that? He shouts across the road.

Shut up, shut up. I'm going to sneak a little bit closer so I can actually, so I don't have to yell at him. Sorry, sorry. Why don't you roll your first role on the show, Alex? Yes. Make a stealth check. I rolled a 19. Hey!

All right. You tiptoe across the snow. Neri a squeak to be heard. Yes, it's those leather boots I'm wearing. Cool. And when you get into range, Red snaps his fingers, and I'll cast Pass Without Trace, which gives us both at plus 10 to our stealth when we're in the same aura. Okay.

Hi, I'm safe. My name is Red-handed Robin. This is, well, there's no one with me, but that's my name. What's your name? My name's Mari, and can you tell me what's happening here? Because I want to let you out. Of course, of course. But I'm not. I get it. I don't look trustworthy. I totally get it. I wouldn't let me out. Well, it's not to say that you shouldn't let me out, because I'm very trustworthy. Have you ever heard of the Nightstone Four? I don't think I have.

Okay. I'm just sort of like playing with my hair, and my hair always looks wet, so it just water's squeezing out of it as I do. that just as a nervous habit? Well, that's okay. We're kind of a big deal to some people. Not everyone, obviously. But I was wrongfully accused of a crime. Look, Mari, what brings you to the area? I'll tell you that. When you first tell me what crime, because that's a big decider on whether or not I pick this thing open.

Look, I promise you, I mean, I used to be an assassin a long time ago. But I don't think these people know that. And also I didn't kill people unless it was for money. I'm making a bad impression. Look, I'm a good guy. I promise. If you could see my alignment, I promise you'd be trustworthy. If I could show you my character sheet.

Pulling papers out going, look, look, it's fine. How can I make you believe me? Look, I come from a place called MasterCard. And I came here to try to sell some arrows and to make a name for myself. And I met up with some friends. And we were put on this quest. to hunt giants and I've been trying to do that ever since. Look into my eyes.

I promise you that I try to do right by people as much as I can. I'm feeling it. I feel okay with this, but I'm sitting there and again, like I just do one big long squeeze of my hair and somehow just more water just keeps pouring out. You're so wet. It's very odd.

Yeah. And I just sort of lean against the bars and I go, have you ever met any gods? Oh. Uh, I don't really believe in gods, to be honest. Uh, uh, my friends do, but, uh, uh, uh, no. All right. I think I want to help.

That's lovely. But you have to promise me, if anyone pays you to kill me, that you won't. Hey, you would be the second person that I didn't kill for money of my friends. I'm touched that you think we're friends already. Of course we're friends. You came over, didn't you? You helped me? Do you know how many other people walked by and ignored me?

Oh, my God. People are jerks out here. Mara, you seem cool. Yeah, help me out. I don't know how to get out, but... Is that guy still... Is he still distracted by the... He's like digging his nails in the dirt.

He's like trying to dig the X. The guy who's interested in the hallucinatory terrain is still busily investigating. He's trying desperately to figure out, is this real? Could it be? Have my dreams come true? Meanwhile, the two that were investigating. investigating your clever shape water ruse are on their way back to the wagon and one of them actually calls out to you. Hey lady, get away from there. Oh no. All right. Um, hey, this is our

prisoner. You can't have him. I'm not no one's prisoner. Not no way, not know how. It starts jogging over to you. Stop running. How tough is this lock? Oh, is it? Is it like a padlock? Or is it just like a door that can swing open and this guy's never tried? This is, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you can open doors? They go two different ways? This is a padlock for sure. I'm going to bust out my little custom magical weapon, which is a dagger. The dagger that I was using to sort of tap against stuff,

and I just push it into the lock into there and just hold it there as plants starts to grow and push their way out through it. Holy crap. These guards start running towards you, Mari and Red, and they're getting closer and closer to the wagon. and as you press the tip of the dagger into this padlock

with a clank it opens and shatters at the pressure of all of this greenery just exploding out of nowhere. Okay, come on. I'm trying, I'm trying. My legs I stuck them through these little holes. Hold on. And Red's like awkwardly trying to get up the thing.

I just grab them. Ow, oh, oh, oh, okay. And at that moment, one of the guards pulls from his back a net that unfurably furrows over both of you. No, no, no, no. Waded down on all sides by these metal weights,

you feel overcome by a magical exhaustion. And both of you begin to close your eyes slowed by some magic force. I'm sorry. And you fall unconscious together on the snow. Come on, man. A red pulse beats dimly inside. your skull, and consciousness blearily sets back in. Marie, as your eyes flutter open, you perceive a headache,

first and foremost. And then after you grapple with that, you feel the cold stone floor underneath you, scattered with clean straw and nothing else. It's pretty dark, but for one guttering torch on a distant wall, and you realize you're in some dim prison cell. Under the torchlight, a human man with a bushy mustache reclines in a chair facing you, his legs crossed at the ankles, seemingly asleep, and across the room, occupying a second cell, a now familiar set of eyes flash at you through the iron bars. Sorry! I can't believe this is happening. What is going on? I don't know. I promise I don't know. Look, I tried to get out as fast as possible. My legs were just really jammed in there. Oh my god.

Whose idea was that? You didn't have to stick them out. I was really tired. It wasn't that tall of a cage. I was just getting comfortable. It was seven feet tall. I promise you. I will repay you. I will make it up to you. I promise. Okay. That'd be great. But first, we're stuck in what appears to be a dungeon. And I did not need this today. I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm a bit hung over too. We'll figure it out.

It'll be fine. Muffled laughter and conversation drifts down from the floor above you somewhere. It seems like, although there's just one sleeping guard in this prison, that there's something going on. It's been like that for the last ten minutes, I think. There's no clock down here. Do you have any idea where we are? No, but if it makes you feel better. Was that going to go anywhere?

No, I was thinking about something else. We're not going to be. able to get out of here, as long as that nerd is sitting there. You can't just call everyone a nerd. I know that he's wearing an MCU shirt, but it's fine. Fine, fine. He's not a nerd. He's a jerk. Can I call the prison guy a jerk? Yeah, you can call him a jerk. I think that's my gear, maybe. That's a sack of potatoes.

I don't... Oh, yeah, it is. Okay. I can't read comment, but anyway... I'm trying to keep my patience, but I'm feeling... Sorry. Not great. Oh, wait, are you mad at me or the situation? Uh, mostly the second one. Okay, but a little bit the first. You know what? I'm going to give you, I'm going to give you a little bit of doubt here

and understand that you didn't technically cause this. Yes? Like, you didn't do it. Yeah. But I'm kind of mad at myself for getting involved right now. No, don't be. Listen, Mari, I get that you just feel like you got the run to the litter right now. But I grew up as the run to the litter.

So that hurts doubly for me. And trust me when I say that you helping me, met the world to me. So even if you're in a bit of tough spot right now, I promise that I'm going to help you in any way I can. All right. Well, that does make me feel better, and I do like animals. Yeah. So, yeah. I guess I'm an animal.

No, I think that makes me feel better. I feel, no. I'm not offended. It's okay. Look, we'll figure out a way to get out. I'll take a look around in my cell. Your cell appears clean and well-capped red. the metal bars are cold iron and not rusted set solidly into the stone floor straw covers the stone

on which you are lying you don't see anything else notable right now i push the straw away under the straw you reveal some graffiti carved into the floor in jagged letters you read full creek burn in hell and you see that one of the far stones on the floor looks like it doesn't quite sit well in the mortar. Hey, hey, there's something on the ground here. Check your cell. Maybe you got one, too. So I'm, I'm, I'm looking around.

What's, uh, what do, is there anything of use in mind? I'm sort of brushing hay away. As you brush the straw away in your cell, Mari, your hand slides into a pile of human feces. God damn it. What? I'll bend down and I'll move the stone. I just create some water and just shake my hand. off into the, yeah, because I'm just like, yuck, yuck.

In my notes, I was like, first person gets the secret thing. Second person gets poop. Yeah, Red lifts the stone. I think there's something here. Behind the stone is a small dugout cubby in which you find an incredibly moldy piece of something that was probably once edible and a small dagger. The blade bears the marks of ill use, probably on the stone floor, but it seems. seems sharp enough. Red picks up the dagger and you see Red turn around and he's like,

I found a dagger. I'm, I'm just, I'm watching this all go down as I just sort of like pour water on my hands and I'm like, you know what? I know what kind of spores are on there, but I'm not going to tell. And I didn't find much of anything else and he wipes the crumbs off his lip. Oh, I don't feel well. Maybe they drugged us. Oh, God. Anyway, maybe I can pick the lock with this and I like reach around and I start fiddling with the dagger that's awesome I want to give you inspiration for that oh thank you that's beautiful yeah I'm gonna roll lock pick yeah a roll slight of hand please 21 it takes some doing you're not really that used to picking locks but after just a few moments you turn the handle of the dagger inside the keyhole of the lock and with a satisfying

Click, it opens. Red smiles at Mari and says, See, this is where I'm useful, a little bit. Okay, but could you help me out, please? Right, of course. And Red scurries across, and I'll do the same. Yeah, you apply the skill that you just demonstrated on your own cell and make quick work of the lock that's on Mari's cell.

So now the two of you stand freed in this prison chain. One sleeping guard to your east, and to the east and west there are exits from the room. It looks like the exit by which the guard is sitting culminates in a staircase leading up. The other exit to the west leads to another chamber. Well, put it there. Red shakes your hand. It's very wet. You're always so wet. Are you not?

Not. No. Yeah, I don't... Not usually. No, no. I think this is just me. Why are you so wet? Ah, I...

You know, I was kind of just born like this. Really? Yeah, I just kind of got used to it, but my mom is like, she's always soaking it. My dad is, everyone, everyone in my family, just... My house is a mess. Are you water... Yes. People?

Oh, I'm a water genasi. Oh! And I'm just... I'm waiting for, like, recognition. Can I... Drink you? Please don't. Oh, but you'll, and he like kind of just pokes your shoulder a bit.

Oh, you're like, just watery. You don't turn into water, do you? No, no, it's just, it's just kind of damp, so. But, uh, but I think I look pretty cool. No, you look so cool. Pretty cool doesn't even come close to it. You know, you're winning me over with how much you just like to hype someone up. Hyping you up is easy because of how fucking awesome you are.

Let me just say, you threw a ball of water in a tree. That was so cool. Yeah. I'm, uh, I'm feeling, I'm feeling the, the hype man. Well, that's what I do. It's kind of my whole deal. The guard off to the side emits a loud snore and moves slightly in the chair. All right, that guy.

That guy. Well, we need, uh, our gear. And then we can just get out of here. Is our gear down here? You don't see it in this room, no. Oh, oh, I know what I can do. And Red flops down to the floor and he puts his severed ear. towards the floor, and he's just quiet.

Do you hear anything? Just wait, just wait. And then he passed back up after a minute. Okay, I did my little thing. I can tell how many human noids are in the area if I wait a minute. Oh, okay. And aside from me and aside from sleepy McGee over there,

what do we got? Like a lot. Oh, there's like 60 people. Oh, God. But there's no giants, if that helps. That's good. I'm glad that we all. only have people, but not giants.

Yeah. Although, that's too many people. Yes. And I'm not a fan. I'll cast Paso Tres again, and let's sneak out one of these hallways and see if we can't find a shit. That's the most important. Yes.

I keep tapping the wall, like, as if I still have that little dagger and it's just, but it's just my fingernail now. You stealth towards the western exit of this room and look down. It's like a sunken living room style. You know how there's like three steps that go down? So seven. 70s. Yes.

Oh, the 1570s are here again. But the whole place is, well, it's a keep. So there's no shag carpet or anything like that. Rats. There are some of those. And in addition to the rats that are sitting on top of some barrels, there are two more human guards. One of these guards is wearing red,

your rope of useful items. The... Fucker! It looks like they're playing cards on an up. upturned barrel, and they're using items of yours as wagers. In the corner of the room, you spy your bag of holding. Mari, you see your knapsack. Clearly, this is where your items are.

I want to kill them. Can we kill them? You know, I've never killed anyone before. Oh, it's easy. Yeah. I mean, we don't have to. That's why I was a little nervous when you were like, you said you were an assassin. I'm not, I'm a little, it's not something I ever had to think about before. You're right.

And truthfully, it's something I didn't think about enough. So how about this? Let's not kill them. Let's knock them out. Okay. Any ideas? All right. I'm just nervously, like, tapping the wall very quietly.

Red grabs your hand. Stop tapping the wall. It's very loud. Sorry. Sorry. We could maybe try to convince them that we are guards. Is that an option? Like, I know that there's, we've,

We've got Sleepy Boy over there. Yeah. And we could maybe take his stuff. I don't know how out he is. He might have taken melatonin. I'm not sure. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

I like that. Let's see. And we walk over to the sleeping guard, like on either side of him. Mm-hmm. I feel like I wave a hand in front of his closed eyes. Yep. He doesn't see it. He doesn't see your hand.

He's out of it. I guess we knock him out. Yeah. You guys want to deal non-lethal damage. You just whack him on the head. If you don't feel comfortable, I can do it. it. You know what? I feel like after today, I feel like I'm going to have to get used to a lot more things. I've been hiding in the woods a lot, so I think I'm ready to try conking a guy on the

head. You can do it. I'll be here for moral support. So yes, I just sort of close my eyes and just raise my fist and then just it just comes down harder than you think it's going to. Oh no. because I am not aware of my own strength at all. It's like a vegetarian stunning of fish. Yes, just close your eyes and go for it. But it also, it makes like a sort of like... Bonk. It also leaves like a wet patch on him.

It's like a water balloon wrapped around a rock. Yes. He slumps forward. No blood comes out, but he's definitely unconscious. Hey, you did it. Okay. All right. That's good.

That's great. That's good. All right. You did it. He's fine. He still breathe. Oh, shit. I think he's fucking dead.

Oh, no, no. No, no, no, he's still breathing. We're good. It's great. Look. There's this tiny nagging doubt in the back of my head where I was like, that was kind of fun. Anyway, let's get you suited up and Red starts stripping the guard. Mari and Red, you stand in the doorway, looking down into this gambling den, this guard antechamber, looking at all of your gear and stuff being won and lost. Mari, you're disguised. You're dressed up like a guard.

I mean, you have blue skin. Blue skin and I look wet. You're rapidly soaking through the outfit that you're wearing. Are you nervous? You look nervous. Why are you sweating so much? Stress sweat. Okay.

That's okay. You can be great. Do you want me in there as a cell? You know what? I can pretend I'm handcuffed and you can carry me in, say that I have to pee or something. How do we get them out of there if you're with me? We bonged them on the back of the head like previous. Well, then why are we dressed as guards?

I don't know. This is your plan. I'm just following you. we're both Okay, this is fine We'll go in there We'll get the advantage on them Because we're dressed as guards

We'll get the sneaky attack And we'll both bonk them And then we'll get out of here With that stuff I take a deep breath And I walk in Just trying to Trying to feel confident

In this moment I'm imagining my favorite song Trying to feel cool It's like an old bard song And I'm like the bass line is so nice It's just like a bunch of fucking moot music Yeah, yeah, it's just like someone just really going at it. Yeah, it's, I'm trying to psych myself up.

And I walk over and I just go, hey, they're asking for you upstairs, but I don't specify which one. And I'm just standing there, like, pointing towards their like, those, you guys, they're asking for you upstairs. You got to go up. Who me? Yeah, yeah, both of you. Oh, I think, I think, I think, uh... Peter. Yeah, him.

He was, uh, he was asking to see if you guys could just. just come by for a second. Oh. And, uh, help him, help him carry some things. Did you find out about the... About what? He looks nervously in your direction. Wait.

Wait, about his sister? Roll a deception check. I'm sitting there making this guy feel uncomfortable. Oh, come on, baby. No! Four. Oh, no. He looks at his companion with this suspicious face.

you know the one. And then he looks back up at you and he goes, yeah, his sister. And he stands up slowly and takes a step toward you. Red jumps in the background and goes, ha ha, I got loose. And he runs the opposite direction. And I just go, he's loose.

And point. And I start running in circles in the round room that we started in. Just whoopo, woo, bo, woo, woo. Yeah, the guards jump up grabbing their scimitars and they rush into the room past you, Mari to capture Red. I would like to immediately grab the bag. Yeah. He has a bag of holding, so it magically contains a ton of stuff. One of the guards is wearing some of Red's gear.

There's a bunch of your gear on the table. There are weapons, like a long bow, your sickle. There's a lot of stuff just kind of lay down on the floor. So you're not going to be able to just do a smash and grab. No. And then Red's in the corner, like cornered by the two. He stops, like, all right. all right listen boys everything and he's like gesturing with his hand to you to like get the stuff

he's like everything's gonna be fine i ain't going back in that can i just sweep everything into the bag of holding like just everything on that table there are cards all of our shit yeah and when you look in there's a dizzying array of shit in there just furniture a ton of gold there's a folding boat yeah there's human skulls i just i'm just looking at it like does he ever organize it There's like a six-week-old sandwich. There's not a jingle of broken pottery, things that he just throws in there that gets smashed. He doesn't. Another squirrel runs out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for real. And then Red is, like, crouched as these two men come close and he's like, all right, you asked for it. And I'm going to roll between them. Okay. Roll an acrobatics check to do a cool somersault between these two guards as they both dive for you. I'm going to use my inspiration. I'd say 16.

All right, yeah. You somersault between these guards. And as I do, I pull off the patch of the 10-foot hole and I slap it down between them. And this 10-foot hole just opens up beneath them and they fall in. Yes, that's incredible. And then Red's just like teetering on the edge of this hole. I use druid craft to just blow like a little puff of wind that pushes them back. Oh, oh, thank you.

sorry boys and red nods curtly at them and nods at marie and grabs his bag of a holding from her and as the guards kind of awkwardly try to do jump-ups and can't reach the top of this pit you go through your items and red everything seems to be accounted for all except for the cloak are you leaving that on the dude down no i'm like like you just see it in the background red negotiating he's like on his tummy he's like i will let you up if you take off the robe first but that's just like in the background as Mari is looking through her stuff and as Red bargains and lies through his teeth to get this cloak back in the background Mari you realize that everything is here except for one very important item you are missing a silver ring I'm missing where is my ring do you have the ring

is it in is it in your bag? I'm ready to go do we got no do you what do you in your bag is there a ring Do you see a ring? I know that it's not well organized, but if you have some sort of filing system. I have my locket, my silver darts, my manacles, and then my one copper coin pouch, my thieves tools.

Piece of cloud, cloud, hair bit. I don't see a ring in here. I'm sorry, Mari. And I just take a big, deep breath. And I storm over to the hole. I bend down over it, and I go, which one of you has my ring? Give it to me now.

They look between each other And then one of them Flushing with fear Of your powers Says I'm sorry The Lady Fulcrieks intended Took it

He wanted to gift it to her Tonight has an engagement gift It's an engagement party upstairs We don't have it, I swear Oh, okay Is it that important? Yes, it is that important Okay, okay

Listen, Mari, I promise you I will help you get it back. We will not leave here until we get it back. I'm half tempted to cast a spell just to be annoyed at this guy. I cast Druid Craft again, but I make the whole pit smell like skunks. Yes. It just smells like farts so bad down there that they're like gagging. They're just, they can't. The whole place just like reeks of butts and skunks and the shit and the cell.

And I'm just like, that's what you get. Yeah. Don't mess with us, you jerks. And I pull Mari into the other room where they were gambling, and I say, hey, hey, what's going on? What's with the ring? Why is it so important? The ring was, it's special to me because it was something that me and my friends all have, and I just, I need it, I need it back. It's, I know it's not important, but I need it because it's very important to me. If it is important to you, then it is important to me, and we are going to get it back. You said this was something you and your friends had? Yeah, me and my friends, we all had these rings made.

And if you take the ring and you tap it against anything else betel, it makes birdsong. Oh. And that's how we would always find each other, as you would tap the ring and you would hear the bird song. That sounds lovely. Let's get you your ring back. Red Lake wipes a tear from his eye I just like gently pat him on the head Thank you

Let's get it Alright You know what I think I think I think I'm starting to like you Oh You seem like a good guy Thanks

I liked you immediately But I'm not offended Yes minus minus the murdering part Yeah well Look hey if I make you feel better I uh And I just said this yesterday To my estranged daughter

But I genuinely regret hurting anyone and I don't like doing it anymore and you know you've given me a lot of pause for thought you know maybe killing people isn't the way to go anymore and red just stares into the middle distance for a minute you shoulder your bow that has slain hundreds and hundreds of people so many okay and red starts heading towards one of the doors oh wait it's an engagement party though oh no oh hold on and red starts digging through the bag of holding, and he comes up with two black robes that I took off cultists forever ago. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, these are the nicest things I own. I pull my hair up at the very least. Good. So it's sort of pulled into like a nice, like a nice bun. Yeah, just constantly

dripping a rivulet down your spine. Oh, wow. Yeah. Great looking hair, though. I have a little bag of like river pearls with me, so I just sort of throw them into my hair. Oh, it looks really nice. Yeah. And Red's just like licking the back of his muddy paw. Oh, but you know what? And Red snaps his fingers and he casts disguise self on himself. Oh. And he looks totally different from the head to the toe. His skin changes from fur to sort of Caucasian male with a chiseled jaw.

And I look exactly like Kevin Costner. And I say, this is my alter ego, Peter Refrington. And he'll fit him up there, I'm sure. I realize now that I'm not entirely. sure what you are. I just sort of assumed you were just a really friendly fox. I'm a tabaxi. And with that, you head up the stairs into the sounds of partying.

You emerge into a hallway that's thick with good food smells and the sounds of polite revelry. A door on the north side of the hall is just shutting, clearly the party door, because the sound dampens as it closes, and a woman in a blue silk dress shuffles past you awkwardly, narrowly avoiding a plaster bust of some unknown person sitting atop a pedestal. The corridor that you're standing in extends east and west with doors studding both sides of the hall. To the east in the direction the woman is walking, the hall curves up and into a staircase. To the west, the corridor opens into what surely is an entry hall or grand room of some kind.

My friends would love this place. My friend Crayloth, he went to a party just like this, and he fell in love. Oh. Yeah, he's been weird lately, though. Hmm. Yeah, love is, love is tricky like that. You ever been in love? No, not really.

I mean, I love my friends, but I don't really feel a romantic love the way that most people seem to do. I just kind of love everyone. All right. Okay, so your ring. We have to find it. The guy downstairs says it was on a who,

a full creek. I'm trying to see if there's any sort of signs around that give us like maybe there's a name up somewhere. Not here. All right. They never put up nice signs. And we head into the party room. Your entry into this room is marked by its occupants, but only for a short time as they all

politely return to their own topics of conversation. You see a number of different local nobles, a priest, some serving people, just folks making polite conversation. A dining table has been shoved up against one of the walls and on top of it there is food being served, some kind of boiled seafood on frilly leaves, pillowy buns full of glazed roasted vegetables and shredded rabbit. There are also open caraffs of wine sitting, errating near trays of sparkling glass goblets. It would appear that this is the kind of party that you bartend for yourself. And you see someone drifts over and pours themselves another glass of wine before returning to their conversation. In the center of the far wall of the room, a large hearth

blazes merrily and casts warm glow around the room. Hey, this is kind of cool. I haven't been to a party and actually I was at a party recently. When was the last time you went to a party, Mari? I went to a funeral about a year ago. Does that count? It depends on what you did there. I suppose, and who, if you like the person who died? Mostly was sad and yes. But, oh, I stumbled into a birthday six months ago. Oh. And, yeah, but I actually stumbled.

That was the problem. And I landed in the cake. Oh. So, downside, I was not allowed to say, upside, I got all the cake. Nice. And also, if the cake was dry, you probably would have made it moisture. It was. It was weird.

I wander over to the wine. and each porous each a glass just so that we have something to... So I have something to do with my hands mostly. Oh, yeah. I just hand... I hand red a glass and I'm sort of delicately sipping at it.

Thank you. Red chugs it... Oh, that was great. I just take it because... Do not get drunk. Oh, right, sorry. Yes. Yeah, that's what me and Doran do all the time.

Doran's my dwarven friend. He has an axe that talks to him. That sounds fake, but okay. Yeah. I don't believe it either. I sort of look like, okay. But then I realize that I have a knife that creates flowers.

So I'm like, well, I've heard of weirder. Par for the course, really. I look around for any sort of serving staff who might look kind of friendly. Yeah, there's actually a servant walking by carrying a tray of just the stinkiest fucking cheese you've ever smelled. Oh, that smells good. But they have a kind face. I go over and I take a piece of cheese and I thank them and I go, this weird question

but I'm here with a friend the couple's not in here they're due to make an appearance any moment right Red joins the conversation with his mouthful Jack would never not know the time my friend Jack who's a half elf

he knows all the times all the time and I go yes honey it's all right it's chew with your mouth closed the rabbit's good though I'm sorry he gets like this at parties sometimes all the party we go to. Of course. We don't go to parties.

You only went to a funeral or the other. Shut up, shut up. I'm sorry. And what is your name, my lord and lady? Peter Raffrington, and this is the lady Mari. Of Simbar. Two. Lady Mari of Simbar.

Yes. From the eastern northern east. Northeastern. From the wetlands. That's right, the wetlands, because she's so wet. And I point at her face. cheese, sir? No, I'm a tobacco, uh, human.

Very well. And the servant shambles away. What a weird fellow. Yeah. All right, I'll be right back. I think red slips out of the room to, to just get a lay of the land and see where the front door is. Mm-hmm. I just make idle conversation.

Like, I'm just like, you from around here to like people while like swishing a glass of wine around. You just keep saying that. You from around here? You from around here? And they like just answer it. Yeah, yeah. At that moment, the door. opens and the party erupts into polite applause. A hunched old man enters the room and he's dressed

garishly in furs and finery. And he says, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for coming to this evening. I am very pleased to announce my daughter, Barona, has finally chosen a suitor. And I I am here tonight to present to all of you the happy couple. Please join me in welcoming. My beautiful, beautiful daughter, Barona Fulcreek and her future husband, Zolkin Alessander. And into the room sweeps a lovely couple. We see a passionate, bright-faced young woman who is dressed in black and gold silk. clinging to the arm of a dashingly handsome man dressed in Noble's finery, his shiny dark hair piled up on the top of his head in an unmistakable pompadour style.

The two sweep around the room, making some small talk politely to individual guests, luminaries, and then settle in to address the crowd. first barona speaks thank you all so much for coming it's just wonderful to see you all and i know that you guys are all just going to love making friends with my new husband we haven't settled on a date yet but i just couldn't be happier anyway this is zolkin everybody slips a coy arm around the woman's waist and kind of steers her off to the side of the room whereupon then he takes the floor himself. Good evening, darlings. Yes, I'm Zolkin, of course, and it is wonderful to make your acquaintance. I am so pleased to have found such a gem. Can we all agree? What a gem, darling. Doesn't she look lovely this evening? Now,

As I understand, there has been just an awful occurrence here, a theft. And you'll come to know that I do not stand for such things, because I am a man of valor and of upstanding nature. Now, darling, he walks over to her, takes her hand in his. I'm so sorry that your late mother's priceless heirloom necklaces were all stolen by those dastardly thieves. But now that they're all locked up in the dungeon, tight, safe and sound, hopefully this new prize will sweeten the loss.

He reaches into the pocket of his waistcoat and produces a familiar ring. Heavy, silver, and yours, Mari. He reaches for his future bride's hand and slides it on her finger, and she gasps, It's beautiful! Oh, thank you. Oh, and she dissolves into a pile of tears. The room erupts in applause. I think the door opens and Red walks in.

He's sort of mid-conversation with himself. All right, do I want to left it, him. And he walks up without even looking at the people in the corner and talks to Mari. All right, I think I know the places. He's laid out, you know, so I know the exit, and as soon as we, you know, see this lady, we'll just grab it and go. It should be pretty easy. She has my ring. She has a...

Who has your ring? That, the lady in the dress up there. Oh, yeah. Zulkin! Red says very loudly and like abruptly, getting everybody's attention. The man in the pompador just swivels immediately and stares across the room at you and says,

yes. You, son of a bitch! And Red jumps up on a table. You, how dare you? Are you behind all of this? Behind all of this? Well, what? There must be some kind of, please get down off of the table. Never! And Red steps back down and turns to Murray.

Look, this guy's a total asshole. He was part of this weird underground guild of Zentorum or something. He was like a spy, and then he tried to rob this house, and then he tried to double cross us on something, and Red snaps his fingers, and he drops the guys. Gaspes erupt from everyone in the room. Oh, shut up, your cheese sucks. You could have mentioned you had a past history with this guy.

I didn't know it was this guy And he is such a jerk And red points of finger at him Now you listen here, Zokin What did you do to me and my friend? Yeah, what? Why are we here? We didn't do anything

Clearly you two have a past And give me back My ring You stole that from me The Lord of the House is like Zulkin Are these assertions true? No, no, of course not

Father, future father No, nothing that these Bring the back to the dungeons. These are the thieves from downstairs. They've surely made their way up into the party and ruined everything I've been planning this whole time. I like yell for silence. Silence.

I just stop. What bird song does the ring make? If it's your ring, you would know. So tell me what bird song does the ring make? Zolkin strides across the room. confidently and stands in front of you and says, well, of course, I know what song the bird's song makes with the bird's song ring. And I'll tell you right now.

Good night! And he runs out the door. Yeah, red trips. No! And I cast Druid Craft so that it smells like he farted on his way out. That's better. That's even better, actually. Yeah, you keep running, Zulkin.

The room erupts into noise and the woman pulls the ring off of her finger, strides across the room and gives it to you, Mari. And she says, ah, get out of my sight. I don't want to see you anymore. Happily. Do I have my dagger with me? Yeah, of course. I, like, just, like, stab it into a table until a bunch of flowers pop up.

And then I just, like, rip them off and I just hand them to her. And I'm like, I'm really sorry. this has clearly been a bad night. It's, I feel you because I'm also there. Aw, inspiration. I like that.

Sorry about you getting left by Zokin, but if it makes you feel any better, he's a total dick. Maybe. Yeah, he sucks. Cool. Anyway, bye. Returns around and walks.

They're like, have a good night. The wine is fine, the cheese is not. And then just, Wander off and then follow Red. Do you know that guy? Yeah, it's a long story. As you head out the front door of the keep. Keeps have front doors, right?

Oh, yeah, I started it. There's a sign that says, bless this mess. That's right. You see a lone figure kicking a clod of snow into the darkness. He's heading down the laneway with his shoulders slumming. his pompadour wilting. Couldn't get away with it this time, eh, Zulkin? Red says as we head down the stone steps.

How else would you prefer for me to recover from the loss of my dear Keller, Red? I don't know. Get a job with something cool? Come now. She was the only person I've ever met with Averis to match my own. Yeah. Zokin, Mari, Mari. Mari, Zulkin. Nice to meet you, Mari. Yeah, sure, whatever.

He's kind of a crumudgeon, but, you know, he's one of those people in red pinches his cheek that you kind of hate but you kind of like his well and then he slaps it a little bit same to you buddy you did set my girlfriend on fire but you what yeah

you're kind of sweet I was a long story clearly you two have a history and clearly I'm only feeling the very first emotion and not really the second one yet that's fair well you you head off on your own now Zokin

and I'm sure I'll see you around. No, I'll... I'm off into the sunset, red. Who knows where my feet will take me. You know, guys like me... He just orates himself into the darkness. Yeah, he does that. You never know when he's going to pop up.

You know a lot of weird people. Yeah, well, you know, I've been around this area for a little bit, and, uh, you know, Marri, you're one of the... You're one of the coolest people that I've gone to meet. What brings you to this area? Why are kicking around here? The honest answer? Sure. I think we're there.

The honest answer is I need to know if the gods exist. Oh. I need to know if they do, because I have questions, and I need to find out. Well, I applaud you. I think I might know someone that could help, actually. Really? Yeah, my friend Jack, he knows kind of about everything. Have you ever been to Waterdeep?

I have not, but I like the name. Yeah, yeah, you'd like it. If you head this way to Everland, about a day, and speak to my friend Crow and Baharo, he'll send you down to Waterdeep. why don't you wait at the copper cup with my friend Torrin and I'll have Jack meet you there and I promise you

he can help you find what you're looking for or at least give you as much information as you can literally stand on the subject All right okay that uh that sounds good I think that I think that would help a lot

so thank you no no thank you if you hadn't to come along I don't know where I'd be right now Do you want to hear something cool? Yes, please. And I take the knife up, but I hold it flat, and I tap the ring against it. And you just hear birdsong, echoing everywhere.

I think that's a Robin's song. You are correct. Oh. Well, I look forward to seeing you again, Mary. Well, I look forward to seeing you, too, as long as you're not in another cage. No. For both of our sakes. Travel safely.

and Red skips off down the road And I wave as I sort of watch you go And I sort of turn And I'm just What the hell just happened Thank you once again To our wonderful Patreon supporters Alexander Ruku

Lost with Two Faces Mathilda Rushing Leader Chelsea Chong Kea Sky Creature Regan Michelle Con Heather Nichols

Alexander Reed, Melanie Cheyenne, Artistic Witch, Brian Blas, Lars, Gray, Bryn, Daniel, Tara, Doug, Marie Kanishki, Merlin, Christopher Ryan Evans, Mitchell Cadwell, Colin Burkart, and Michael and Brianna Weber. Thank you so much.