Dice Shame - 15 | 'Out of Left Field'

Episode Date: January 23, 2020

A cry breaks the silence of the night as a sizable force attacks Golden Fields... Dice Shame is a podcast that welcomes its audience to the gaming table. There’s nothing quite like getting together with your close friends on game night, getting the snacks out, and rolling some dice together. Right now we’re playing through Storm King’s Thunder, an adventure for D&D 5th edition. Like the games we play at home, we try not to take ourselves too seriously. The show is entertaining, inclusive, and irreverent, while still taking the rules (somewhat) seriously. As for the eponymous Dice Shame? When the rolls get cold—well, you’ll have to tune in to find out! Episodes are released every Thursday at 1:20 am. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jack, lobs a fireball. Lightning ball, lightning ball! Who wants to watch an ogre die? Kralath, you still up? He's unconscious and dying? I don't know, bag on those. You know they're called bug bears, right? Oh.

Watch yourself, boy! I was looking forward to feeling the pierce of my flesh. It is a ball of holy, radiant light with a choir of angels singing, telling people, look at me, look, like, look here. Welcome back to Dice Shame, episode 15 out of left field. Thank you so much to Corey Botch and Raymond at the underscore Real underscore Ruck for joining us on Twitter. Both of you guys have been so supportive of us in reviewing and listening, so thanks a lot. I'm pretty nervous about this next battle.

I feel like this could be the first major one that we have. I will say that you're in for a big surprise. Uh-oh. Let's do it. We're going to play a game called, guess the spell. Okay, so Alex, I want you to tell me there's a spell called Friends. I want you to tell me what it does. I'm going to guess that it, you cast.

it and enemies become friends. I'll be there for you. That's why I did. I'll be there. That's it. Can I guess? Friends. It's a cantrip.

I'm going to guess it detects friendlies in the area that would like be a, like you'd be able to talk about. Like contacts. No, actually. It is actually just the Friends theme song that it does. Oh, nice. Okay. Back to Alex. There is a spell called Force Cage.

What does Force Cage do? I know. this one. I think I know this. It's a, it's a magical cage. It's a magical cage. No, I know it's. Okay. All right, Harlan. Nicholas Cage spawns. And he's like, listen here, man. They're making me do this. I'm forced to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to be in this campaign, man. That is correct. Point for Harlow. I knew. I've used that one before. That one's good. Okay. All right, Alex, this spell is called jump what what is jump jump oh I know this one oh yeah yeah yeah if you go on quicksand you you get sucked into it no I know okay Harlem this is this is the this is the one where if you do it Van Halen shows up and they all show up and they go you know what you would you

would think of that you would think that there is actually that is very common a lot of people make that mistake what that's actually the spell you might as well oh it's house of pain as well, jump. It's house of pain. Jump is if you have like an orc, an orcish driver, you can start their vehicle if it breaks down. Oh, that makes sense. That's perfect sense. Yeah, yeah.

I think we're ready. Are you guys ready? Let's do an intro really quick. Hi, welcome to KBPBL. Is that what we're naming this podcast now? Yeah. It's KBBBBBBL, episode 15. Harlan, darling, welcome.

Oh, episode 15. Thank you. I just wanted to officially generate a welcome for you. But then also everybody else. Oh, hey, thank you. Hey, guys. Welcome to the podcast. Very welcome to episode 15.

It's episode 15. Wow. Wow. We're just getting started here on the podcast, though. Even though we've been releasing episodes of Dice Shame for almost four months. We're only like really one quarter of the way through this campaign. Not even close. Of 60 episodes.

Baby numbers. No, guys. Baby numbers. I have big plans for all of you. Death. But first, yeah, death. But before death. Comes suffering.

And before suffering comes... Fear. Fear. Which is it? Fear leads to hate. No, you guys. Rear least anger. Anger leads to hate.

Right, right. And hate leads to the dark side. I want to give you guys a present. Uh-oh. Each of you gets a present. What's that? You get to play another character at this episode. Whoa.

Can I play Krayla? Oh, I want to play, I want to play Krayloff. Can I just play two Kraylofts? Can we just all play Krayloff? Double Krayla. Can I think I could pull Doren? Can I play red? Oh, I'll do red.

Oh. I'm Doren. My beard smells terrible. I'm, I'm red. Ah, ta, ta, ta, ta. Oh, look at me. I'll shoot arrows. I knock another one.

I want to play red like that now. He's more fun. He's a very breathy version of red, but I like him. No, my gift to you is that you each now have control of an NPC on top of your PCs. Yes, so Harlan, on top of Red, you're going to be playing Liferlus, the tree. The tree guy? The tree boy. Yes.

That's all right, Red. Gime in me and we'll be safe together. Alex, on top of Doren, you're going to be playing Miroz. Miroz? Yes. Oh, that's good. I'm going to do a Miroz like this. I hope that's okay.

I can't tell who's speaking It's easy He's European now Yes He's a mirage Oh, this is so frustrating I can't believe I'm sitting next to this guy

Oh what? You don't like at me Oh what do you like in me? I told you Don't touch me That's okay I don't I want to touch you

But like You know I am I like I love people You love people? I love people What are you touching Where are you touching Doren? I didn't he's a

Don't touch my beard. It's okay. I'm covered in hair like this. And your beard, I got it like my hair like this. Just don't touch me. If Dornan dies, I think we should just adopt Paris in the party. I can't. I got it under my tavern.

Rob, you are going to be playing Jack as always. But on top of that, I give you Z. Hot damn, team awkward intellectual. That team is going to be so quiet. What do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want to do? Justin, can you guess who you're going to play?

The baby mama. Yeah, the chocolatey-eyed woman. The chocolate-y-eyed baby-mom. No, you're going to play Naxine. Maxine. The mage. Who is she? She is the lady who liked Jack.

And who knows Jack's people. She's from water deep. She's with the magistrate. She seems like a more, a little bit older, maybe more experienced. I have a picture of her here now. Yes. Anybody guess what Kraloth and her have in common. Anger.

Where there's skin tone Justin, it's so funny because you're the only African-American You also created a PC who's black And Maxine was randomly assigned to you And she's also black woman So here we go Randomly assigned Well I mean we were going to give it to Scarlett Johansson

But I mean I'm playing a tree person You are fairly woody sometimes I am very wooded Oh you should roll with this dye for The tree Oh, it's kind of a wood-looking dye. I wish I had a wood-dye.

It's not wood-se. Okay, I'll roll with it. Okay, so I'm a witty die. So everyone has their stat blocks. Is everyone comfortable with the character that you have? Yeah. Yes. I get a tree dude.

How couldn't I like that? Yes, I know these spells like the back of my mage-ha. I don't have spells. I have a trunk that wax things. Yes, you do. I got a thing to do. I got to go walk around just in case. You're all going to start at different places on the map as well.

Oh, interesting. Liferless, you're going to start at your grove where we encountered you on the way into town. Jollywood. Z, you spend your nights at the temple as you are an accolite of Chantay, so you are going to be hanging out at the abbey. Awesome. Miros, you spend your night at the inn. Of course. And, Naxine, you have also been staying at the inn for the past number of months, so that is where you begin.

So, Naxine and Miros are in the inn with us, presumably sleeping, whereas Liferlath and Z are on their own. Your NPCs will act on the same initiative count as you. Cool. And finally, Orin Yogelvie shatters the night's silence. We're under attack! Two arms! To arms! Gathering your wits and your weapons, you stumble outside the inn.

A low mist blankets the quiet gardens to the north And slinks between the rows of dark and longhouses to the south A small figure stumbles around the corner of the nearest longhouse Loses his balance and falls He raises himself to his feet And he points backward into the darkness Additionally, his alarm wakes up Miros and Naxine Who stumble from the inn

Ready to go Everybody roll initiative Meos, I'm ready for action. And despite how goofy he may sound, he's actually got a heavy crossbow, a bear hug, and a club. Yeah, he's ready to hug you to death. He's quite a powerful man.

Okay, Jack and Z. Ten. Justin, what about Kraloth and Naxine? Two. Oh. Red and Liferlis? 22. Jesus, a crazy.

Doren and Miros. Nine. Red, all of the NPCs who are active and the PCs have heard Oren's strong, clear voice. What do you do? And then what does Liferlis do? Liferlis has an ability, false appearance. While he remains motionless, he is indistinguishable from a normal tree. So he's just going to sort of hide for the time being,

aware that something is coming, and he's going to try to listen for anybody approaching. But at this moment, he doesn't see anybody that needs help, he doesn't hear anybody that needs help, so he's not going to really know what to do. Right, on the other hand, because he's outside the tavern, I'm going to scamper to the roof. and I'm going to ready an action for first enemy I see

and when they approach I will fire at them. Red, you clamber to the top of the inn. Correct. You would have to use your feel and agility to get all the way to the top because this is three-story building. Okay. Jack and Z.

Z knows absolutely what to do. She hears this. She sort of curses to herself, I'll never do it without me and dashes towards the front gate. She's going to be running about a mile and a half. And if she sees something in, you know, in that run, she's going to stop, you know, and try and assess what she sees. But she's going to assume it's a pretty defensible place.

Bad guys are probably outside of the wall. She needs to get to the wall. Z is sprinting first toward the town square. And then you're going to be turning a hard left. Perfect. So right now you're running toward the town square. Yeah. Jack.

He's going to sort of find someplace against the wall and be like, okay, Kieran, let's do this and project his mind into Kieran's and fly out. up as high as he can to get a really good look around, see what I can see from above. Roll perception for Kieran, please. Sure. 23. So, Jack, you close your eyes and you assume Kieran's senses, and as they ascend into the air, you see a crew of dark figures amassing out of the shadows in the town square.

As soon as I see them, I'll dump myself out of Kieran into my own body and say, they're in the town square, that way. There are too many to count. At least a score. And then I think Jack will start heading in that direction. Okay. It's Doran and Miroz's turn. Miros goes into the tavern and warns all of the people that are staying there to lock the doors.

Don't let anybody in. And Doran, he heads straight towards the center of town. And I holler up to Red. And I say, I'm heading towards the middle of town. I'll meet you there. Kraloth and Naxine. Am I wearing my armor? Yes.

Okay. All right. Okay. So, Maxine first. She pushes herself out of bed and she listens and squints and then says, Bandits, more hill giants. And she storms towards the door, slams it open and begins making her way downstairs, grumbling, and saying, get out of my way and pushing people over the way.

Maybe she meets Miro's in the front door. You need to lock yourself in the room and stay here and stay safe. Don't you start with me, Meroz. Okay. My duty is to protect the citizens, protect the crops, and protect the dignity of the magistrate. That's okay. You absolutely right. Come on, let's go.

And, like, you, like, open the door for her. She's like, I can open a door myself. And I yell. The rest of you, lock the doors. Don't open the friday, except you hear my voice, my very distinct voice. So she just, she uses both of her actions to begin, like, hiking up her. I guess her nightgown. She's, like, battling in her nightgown.

Yeah, yeah. That's awesome. She's tough, man. And, yeah, she's, like, got this scowl on her face as she makes her way down the street. She's determined. And then Kralov is just going to, like, follow after her. Like, oh, okay, I guess she's sort of the leader here. And, yeah, he's going to follow Mason Shield out.

Liferless roll perception check. Happily. A natural 20. Oh. Wow. I see everything. Was that Chester? No, that was the wooden die.

Liferless dies. Yeah, that's Liferless's die. Liferless, you are well attuned to the way that your forest should sound. Your roots are planted deep in the ground when you sleep. I didn't feel the rumbling of feet beneath them. You recognize that there are intruders in the town square. You feel them moving, but you are. also feel intruders elsewhere.

Where? There are creatures sneaking through the animal fields, which are toward the main gates. So there's a different group of aggressors. You hear the quiet bleats of sheep as they're startled. I can hear my, I can hear the townsfolk heading towards the square, but I don't, I don't sense anybody. Hearing the approaching. He's no one around him, right? Okay.

Is it still his, is it now at my turn again? Yeah, it's your turn. Actually, Liferliss, you have some unique knowledge. Yeah? There are other awakened trees in your grove. Fuck, yeah. He's going to, I'm going to rally them. Okay.

He's to be like, brothers, let us awake. The town needs our help. And he's going to, like, uproot his roots and, like, start creakingly move the forest towards the town square and most importantly towards the creatures and actually he's going to beckin out he's going to say

they arrive from the animals as well as he like starts moving across town incredible so I'm going to give you two minions that are replicas of liferless that you can also act with on your turn what does red do so red is like up on this rooftop

and he's like I need distance it doesn't work without having some height if only there was some mobile thing I could be on top of give a little bit of height towards so that I could oh and he like it dawns on him and he's like that tree and he like heads down and starts heading across the square following the others but with the intention to move past towards that tree so you head toward the square yeah because I know that Liferliss was on the other side when we passed through correct that's brilliant I'm really that's really cool isn't that nice

justification I just kind of did that you're already climbing him that night I was climbing him that night That's so right Yeah And honestly when you gave Inspiration for Harlan I love the combination of PC and NPC Can I just say when you gave me this

I had zero thought about that Like literally I looked at this tree I never thought As soon as you had red climb up in him earlier I was like oh these guys are gonna be BFFs Didn't even think about that But now it's funny because it wasn't until you said That you can only see 60 feet

That I literally was like If only there was something High ground, that's mobile. Exactly. So Redd is going to be fucking up that tree. Tree mount. Yeah. Dope.

Okay, Red, as you are the fastest of your companions and you head toward the town square, you make out shapes in the darkness. I'm going to start calling them out. Kralath and I have been in a few battles together, and I've fought with Jack and Dorn enough times to know that I'm not protecting anybody from anything. I'm letting people know. You recognize the shape of an ogre. There are two of them here.

They have another ogre. Hopefully these ones aren't married. There are about 10 goblins running around and four goblinoid-type creatures that you're not familiar with. And two ogres. You are running alongside your companions to the town square where these creatures stand in the mist,

wreathed in darkness. What would you like to do? I'm going to fire at the ogre. Okay, which ogre? I'm going to fire at the one to the south. Okay. Additionally, because they have not taken a round and because I am a ranger,

I get advantage on my first attack. So I have advantage. I'm going to roll. I'm also going to take my sharpshooter perk. So this is going to be at a negative five to hit. And as a bonus action, I'm going to cast Hunter's mark on him. That is two natural 20s.

Oh, wow. Are you kidding me? Two fucking natural 20s right there. Whoa, that is insane. Is that with advantage? Yeah. Celebrate good time. Come on.

Both of them are paladin dice. Okay, hold on. Who wants to watch an ogre die? First and foremost, I took sharpshooter perk. Yes, you did. Which means that's plus 10. Yep. I did Hunter's mark.

I critted, which means I roll Hunter's mark twice. I roll my damage twice. So 2D8s, 2 D6s for Hunter's mark. This is going to be plus 13. Damage. Ooh, that looks pretty good. 32 damage on the first ogre. And because I have an extra attack, I'm going to attack again.

Hot damn. I'm going to take a negative 5 penalty again to these rules, and I'm going to try to sharpshoot again. 19 hit. You hit. I get to add my Colossus slayer damage now, which is an additional 1D8. And this is going to be plus 13. 15 plus 13 is 28 damage.

Wow. Red, can you tell me what it looks like when you kill an ogre? Red and kneels at the... edge of the square and he takes two arrows out of his quiver and plants them in the ground and he studies for a second and sees this massive ogre in the moonlight they notice you he starts walking toward you he draws the first arrow and pulls back tight on the bow and sings it off through the night you don't even hear the whisper of the arrow as it flies into one of the ogre's eyes you only hear the screaming of the ogre but before it can react red draws a second arrow and fires it into the other eye

only this time it sinks clean through and falls through the back as the ogre slams to the ground shaking the earth behind him. Red turns over his shoulders to look at his friend and be like, bingo bango, friends. Dorn's falling you closer behind and just like stunned.

Oh, whoa. A fucking good start. Wow. Wow. Okay, so the four medium creatures notice this obviously and they all start moving towards you quickly and quietly. These are no idiots. Two of them pulled javelins off their back and try to skewer you with them, Red. You have a Vivify ready, right? Oh yeah. I feel like we're going to need it.

Does 14 hit you? No. Okay. So one of them hits and deals eight piercing damage to you. Oh boy. The other two try to attack you, but they have disadvantaged because you're slightly out of range. One of them hits you. Nine piercing damage. So four javelins come whizzing out of the darkness. fired from the strong arms of these creatures as they run toward you. Two of them hit you one in one shoulder than one of the other shoulder. 17 health left I have. Okay. That basically halved me.

Jack and Z. Jack is going to stop where he is and have a light come off in his brain. And Jack lobs a fireball from 120 feet away. it lands in the center of them and lights up the the eight goblins at the back, two bug bears and one ogre. How do you feel about

everyone failing their deck saves? I love it because they all take 22 damage. All right. So all of those goblins die. That must be a level three spell. It is a brand new level three spell. But it's actually, it's funny because I woke up,

I scrolled down this spell and I'm like, fuck it, I'm trying it. It's, you know. Yeah. Zis obviously sees this huge, huge fireball. Yeah, and Z was going to run forward, and she's got her quarterstaff. She's, like, cinched up on a baseball bat style, and is just going to take one swing, and that's a seven is probably going to miss, but she gets two attacks.

And the other one, oh, oh, a natural one. Oh, shame it. Shame it. Which one is this? Bidysa, that was her shitty roll. You're on timeout. You got to go to the dice shame jar. Shame, shame.

Shame, shame. Poor showing. We got some goblin turns now. The goblin who is not currently engaged with Z and is also not burned to a crisp, so one of two goblins fires his short bow at red and misses

with a nine. The other one pulls out his scimitar and tries to slash at Z 15 to hit. That's my AC, yep. Gets her good in the midsection, eight slashing damage. Oh, ouch. Doran and Miros.

Doran moves up and then uses commander strike using one of The superiority die, which I'm going to roll right now, a four. And I yell over to... Who? Me? Red. Bingo, bango.

Red. Make your attack now. All right, buddy. And I just make an attack now? Yep. Fuck, yeah. Who are you targeting? Who do you want me to target, commander?

Him. So I'm attacking the bug bear that's already been hit by the fireball. The lightly smoking charred bug bear. I see the plume of smoke rising off of the men. His hair is a little bit on fire. fire. Perfect. And I will hit with a 18? Yes, you will. Are bug bear's humanoid? Yes, they are. Amazing. And I will do seven points of damage. Plus four. Oh, 11 points of damage. Your arrow hits him squarely in the gut and he falls over dead. Oh, well done, Doran. Would I be able to shoot with my crossbow? Yes. And I'll fire

at this other injured one at the back here. 15. Nope. Okay. Does Miros do anything this turn, Doren? Yes. Miros is going to use his crossbow. Mm-hmm.

And he is going to attack, let's say the ogre. It's a big target. Plus two. So 19. Yeah. How close are you to the ogre? Definitely within 400 feet. Great.

Two piercing damage. Yeah, no, it's just two. His decks is zero. 1D10, but I have two attacks. So I'll just do that twice. Great. So three, so okay. No, you miss the second shot.

So you hit the ogre in the foot, and then you miss your second shot. I miss the second shot. Is the ogre's turn. Close combat for Doran. The ogre charges at Doran. Do you have Revivify ready? And swings his great club. 25 to hit.

That's a hit. 10 bludgeoning damage. I'm at 4. He gives you a good wallop, but you remain steadfast on your feet, ready to go. You're giving him a big wool up. Kralath and Maxine. Maxine spins in her robe to Jack and says, Careful with those fire spells.

Wizards, man, I can't believe it. So I want to cast a spell that is a direct line. Lightning bolt. It's a five-foot line. Yeah. Lightning bolt, lightning bolt. Car ready! So she kind of like gazed.

She kind of squints her eyes, puts her spectacles on, her half-moon spectacles, and then with a flourish of her hands, cast this spell as lightning crackles around her hands. It's instantaneous. Each creature in the line must take a dexterity saving throw. So the bugbear saves, what's your save, D.C? 13. Yeah, the bugbear saves, and the goblin and the ogre fail. 26.39. Okay, so on a successful save, they take 19 damage.

On a failed save, they take 39. All of them die. The ogre, too? Yeah. Fuck, yeah. What does that look like? This bolt of lightning shoots forward from her hands as she thrusts them forward, and it rips into the ogre first and sends him convulsing.

And before he's even falling to the ground, it's passed through him into a bugbear and then beyond all the way and sniping the goblin in the back that just slashed at Z. And I mean, Z is missed by this lightning bolt by a matter of two feet. I love the idea of Z like pulling back for a hit and the goblin in front of her just like she looks down the line and she sees Naxine standing on the other end of the square. I think there's a moment where she nods like appreciative and and you know puts her hand on the goblin stab wounds, she just got and takes a step, you know, back to reassess her strategy. And sort of the simultaneousness of it is, you know, the ogre steps in.

The simultaneous list, simultaneousnessless. Supposedly. The ogre steps in and hits me and then all of a sudden just totally electrician and fries. Everyone gets six seconds as they're turning around, but those six seconds happen at the same time as everyone else. And so as Naxine, after Naxine does that, she turns back to Kralath and says,

excuse me, dear, get in front of me. And Krayloff's like, oh, okay. Amazing. He pulls out his shield and he steps in front of her and blocks her frail frame. Oh, that's great. How are you doing on Health Red? 17 Health. Okay, I'm good to, oh, I'm half. Okay, as I'm walking over, can I

cast cure wounds in the middle of my move? Yes. Okay, as I'm walking over to defend Maxine. I place a hand on Red's shoulder and I say, good shot, buddy. Thanks, buddy. As this surge of warmth fills you and you heal 12 points of damage. Amazing. You guys are cleaning this up nicely. Okay, Red and Liferous. So Liferlis is now basically in the square and he bellows out. More enemies arriving from the animals. And he kind of just, vestures with a long limb. It's like bedecked with lanterns,

so it's like outlined in this glowing light. Oh, that's cool. I mean, he doesn't really have any range, so he can't really do anything. He's just going to stay there. I don't want him to be in the fight yet. And he's pretty close. You know what?

Actually, he'll move sort of into the center. You're closing on the two bug bears? Yeah, but again, it's only melee he has. Red, what do you do? Red will fire. Are either of those bug bears hurt? No. So Red is going to attack the nearest one.

I'm going to move Hunter's mark onto him, and I get a 2016. to hit and I'm going to do 12 damage I'm thinking because I'm assuming they're humanoid. Yes they are. That'll be 12 damage then. Okay. And I'll tack again on that one. This time he is hurt. He is. There's an arrow sticking out of his

So I get my colossus slayer and that's going to be a 17 plus 8 to hit. That hits. And that'll be a 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 13 damage. All right. Hits him in the dick. His dick is pierced. He's like, Bugger Bear, my balls hack. And then I'm going to move as far as I can towards Liphilus, sort of in a large arch, to stay away from these guys.

These bug bear are not intimidated by the fact that you have killed nearly everyone else around them because they are seasoned warriors. The bug bear that was just injured by Red's arrows runs up at Doren and swings a morning star at him. That's 17 to hit you, Doren. And they don't hit. Oh, yeah. Nice. Do you take it on the shield? No, actually.

Tell me what happens. I'm going to roll repost, which is going to use superiority die. So that's a seven. I've got to mark down that I use this too. When a creature misses me with a melee attack, you can use your reaction to expand one superior die, make a melee weapon attack against the creature. If you hit, you add the superiority die. Yeah, so he swings his morning star at you.

19 to hit. You hit? Yeah, 13 damage. Yeah, with a crack. You hit this bug bear with your axe, and he's down. So it's like a, whew, and a sidestep and then a crack on the back of the head. Yeah. He's like, whack right to the gown, face down.

You step to the side as he tries to get you with the morning star, and then as his flank is exposed, you just sink your axe deep into his kidneys. No, it's like the back of his neck. Okay, well, whatever, back of his neck, back of, you got to be clear. The other bug bear runs at Red. Can't quite make it to him in time. and then tries to hit him with a javelin. 21 hits you. Yep.

That's 11 piercing damage. Oh boy. Jack and Z. It's your turn. So Z is going to pull out a sling and crack a bullet at this goblin that's hanging out in the middle of the square there. Do it, girl. And she gets a 10.

That is not hit. So then she moves her 40 feet to get behind Liphilis. Meanwhile, Jack is moving deftly towards red. and when he gets sort of within 60 feet of that bug bear is just going to snap and call that creature's soul to it, it would need to make a wisdom saving throw. And is it injured? No.

All right then. 15. 15 is the save it's looking for. Okay, so it saves. All right then. So that's my turn. No tolling dead? Sadly not.

The goblin is going to try to shoot an arrow at red. 20 to hit you red? Oh, God, yeah. Six piercing damage. You are getting a lot of ranged missiles just stuck right into you. I need to get in that tree. Doren, Miros. Meros is going to go first this time.

Okay. Because he's got that heavy crossbow. He is going to aim for this bug a bear. It's not build a bear. It's crossbow time. And he misses with three. But he can attack twice. Oh, yeah.

this is plus two so that's a 20 that'll hit that's gonna do it 30 20 but still and doing this much damage is two two damage I'm so sorry red I didn't do much damage Doran what do you do um that's just gonna be a normal attack does a 11 no sir but you attack twice so 19 oh yeah that'll do it I keep forgetting that that's that's why I'm here I know seven damage Okay. Kraloth and Naxine. Naxine taps Kralov on the shoulder and says, let's take that one down on the count of three. One, two, three.

And then she snaps her fingers and she's going to cast Firebolt. Yeah. Which, it's just a... Ranged spell attack. It's a ranged spell attack. So then I'm just going to roll for her. And then Kralath is going to cast Sacred Flame. At the same time, Target must succeed, dexterity saving throw.

So they'll take one. Dexterity saving for O. That's a five to save. So, Naxine also rolled a five. So she misses with her firebolt. But as the bug bear dodges out of the way of the firebolt, he gets hit squarely with the ray of sacred flame. The spell's damage increases by 1D8 when you reach fifth level. Woo!

So, this bug bear takes 13 points of damage. Wow. You light them up. Pooh-doopy, doofy. Like dead light up? Golden frame. Red and Liferous. Red will move 30 feet towards Liferous.

And then he'll fire at the bastard who tried to hurt him. He is damaged, I'm assuming. That's the bugger bear he's firing at? Yeah, back at. So I'm going to use my bonus action to assign Hunter's mark onto him. And then he is damaged, so I'll have Colossus Slayer on him. 17 to hit? Oh, yeah, that hits.

20 damage. He opens his mouth to growl at you. and you arrow him, right? You pierce his gullet. And he falls over dead, and I'm like, that's right. Ouch! He's like dripping. I'm like dripping blood down there.

Yeah. Liferlis? Liferous. Liffres is like, enough of this nonsense. And he walks over to the goblin between him and red. And he is going to attack with a natural 20. No way.

That's your what? fourth one this game? At least. And he's going to do 14 damage. The goblin is pounded into soup. And he like does it. It's like,

and the goblin gets like hammered and hammered and hammered in the ground. And he's like, oh, oh, ha. And Red's like watching this as the blood's like

speckling his face. Like, oh my God. Bye! Want to climb up? And then he, lifts red onto his back. We're dropping out of initiative right now. So there's more at the gates? Jack shouts? There's more coming between the animals.

Come friends, let us kill them. And liverless turns around and starts leading the charge with red on his back. If we're out of round, can I cast cure wounds on myself? Yep. Okay. So I'm going to do that. Anyone else want to do any buffing? Is he's looking a little cut up. She's down to 14 hit points. She could use a few if anybody had a way of healing. If not, she will hang back. I'll all do both. the healer. This is what I'm here for. Beautiful.

Good job, guys. Nicely done. We fucked up that way to go. We've got some good. Now the tough battle. No, you guys did really great. I'm really proud of you. You took your, you took your lumps. You gave some lumps. Red, you murdered an ogre in one turn by yourself. That was pretty incredible. I want to turn that audio moment into a picture and hang it on the wall somehow. There's a lot of 20s going on there. You hear the distraught sounds of animal. coming from the shepherd fields.

This way, come. Everyone's healed up and I'm ready to go. Yep. Yeah, Liferlis sort of knows the way. Red is on his shoulders. We're moving towards the animals. I'm up. Do I see anything on his shoulders?

Is everyone all together? Yep. We're sort of caravaning through the city. Are you going down the road? Well, now I have doubt because you're asked. Now it seems like that's the bad idea. I mean, okay, let me put it in another way. Are you heading through the trees?

Oh gosh. No, we can't do that. Definitely not. Didn't you have two trees with you? Yeah, I got two trees buddies with me. You got tree bros. Tree bros? Let's get them tree bros out there.

Yeah, let's get some tree bros up there. You come down the road and you see some goblins. Holy shit. Some of them are sort of cowering behind the fence that outlines the animal husbandry area. Some of them have been stuffing poultry into bags. That's it. Goblins are no big deal. There are two more ogres on the road.

Oh, never mind. And they are also carrying huge bags stuffed with bleeding carcasses of sheep, goats. There are two ogres. You see ten goblins. Oh, my gosh. Everyone, roll initiative. Hey. What did you get?

Above ten. Natural 20. No way. No way. Oh, my God. All right, Red. What did you in Liferlis get? 23.

Kralath and Naxine? 12. Doran and Miroz? 16. Jack and Z? Oh, 23, not to steal reds thunder. Oh, nice. Who wants to go first?

I mean, I could throw another fire. Let me go first. Let me clear up the field a little bit. Sure. Jack looks forward out into the crowd. Sees these ogres, sees the goblins in the field, and also sees that we're surrounded by flammable crops and has some concerns about that. And so tweaks the spell he just used to make it slightly different.

I'm going to use my fabulously cool ability. I am going to use the spell secrets I know to alter the spell in two ways. Very similar to what I'd done with the ice knife before. It would be a fireball, but it is a ball of holy radiant light with a choir of angels singing, telling people, look at me. Look like, look here. And it's going to change the save type and also change the energy to radiant instead of flaming. Do you have inspiration, Rob? I do not.

I think Jack deserves. The whole crew is rolling with inspiration now. Fuck, yes. I'm so, I can't get over how fucking sick that is. So that's going to make eight goblins and two ogres that need to make intelligence saving throws and they need to get a 15. Man! 14.

The goblins. 11. So that is 26. radiant damage as a choir of angels calls them to look in this holy purifying light that washes out in this big flash all the all the goblins dive being so dumb many many many heads explode on this day um okay that cleaned of the battlefield pretty good uh what does he do uh z's gonna try it within 60 feet of this ogre, and Z's going to take a sling attack, roll with disadvantage.

They're just going to try and hit this ogre from as far away as possible. Nine's probably not going to do it. Nope. So misses the ogre, but she is joining the holy choir full of throwing things at these things. I love that everyone is kind of raising their voice in this attack. Absolutely. Red, liferless, what are the two of you do?

Bingo bingo, bingo, buddy. Red says down to Jack as he, like, brings his hands down from this light ball. And Red's gonna attack. These guys haven't attacked yet, right? The ogres? No, they have not. So I get advantage.

So I'm gonna take the one closest. And I'm going to do it with sharpshooter. So I'm gonna take a negative five to this. Ooh, 15. You hit. Oh, good. And they are damaged, correct? They are.

So I'm gonna do Colossus Slayer. Okay. I did not remember to do Hunter's Mark, so I will not give myself that because I forgot. 26 damage Nice Well done And I'll talk again

Same boy Same boy And it is a boy So that will hit as well Because it's higher than the last rule I do not get Colossus layer Because it's once per turn 18 damage

You kill it Nice And Red like taps Liferless his head and says How you like that? Let's kill some ogres And he's like Well done little man

and he's like, good down. And Red's going to sort of hunker behind a tree a little bit, behind the tree, I should say, within it and take a bit of cover. And Liferlis is going to command his buddies to sort of move forward and attack. Leverless is a bit more of like, I get the impression he's a bit of the elder tree. Oh, yeah, he's the oldest. He's also a bit nervous because he feels a lot of rumblings on the ground still, but there are only a few feet.

Can he do a perception? Of course. Because he's different, he's not feeling, or he's not looking, he's feeling. No, real perception. Yeah, I know, too. Okay, so what do Liferliss's friends do? So they're going to move forward as far as they can. Okay.

Make it easy. All of a sudden, four bug bears jump out from where they were hiding in undergrowth. Bugaboo! Builder bear! God, it's those builder bears! I don't know they're called bug bears right oh yeah yes but in my language they call a bagaboo isn't that like a Beyonce song oh they are like right on top of us so two bug bears burst out from behind a tree where they were hiding and run up to Kraloff and swing their morning stars at him

ooh I have a 19 and a 23 to hit both hit both of them hit you You're going to take some serious damage. That's not good because it's a surprise round two. 22 damage with the first one. Oh, boy. 23 damage from the second one. 45 points of damage total as both of these bug bears slam you with their morning stars. Kralath.

Is still up? I'm still up. Well, that's the first. Krayloth is still up? How much health do you have left? Eight. Oh, boy. The other two.

bug bears similarly leap out from behind bushes. Oh, man. They ambushed us. Yeah, they did. Yeah. They pull out javelins and they throw them at Doran. Oh, yeah? 15 misses, but 19 hits you?

Correct. One javelin skewers you. Skewered? Least intimidating javelin sound ever. 16 piercing damage. The ogre then pulls a javelin off of his back and starts. running down the road toward you. Takes aim.

He aims at Miros with the javelin and tries to kill him. 19 to hit Miros. Miros is a hit, yeah. 11 piercing damage. 11 points of damage, 11 hit points left. Doren and Miros, it's your turn. Doren is going to straight up attack the bug bears that are in front of him, which are the ones that attacked Kralath.

So I'm just going to roll both my D20s. Yeah, let's see it. So that's 13. 19. Beautiful. And NS6. Okay, so the one that hits does nine points of damage. All right. Is that all that happens, Doran?

Yeah. What does Miros do? And Miros attacks with his crossbow. Does he have a war cry? He is known as the Yeti. So he goes... No! He's like the white ape, you know, the Albion.

Bino ape. So he's like, from the film Congo. Yeah. Don't eat my sesame cake. But he's going to attack this bug bear here. Okay. Okay.

That's eight. And then a 21, which hits. Yeah. With a nine points of piercing damage. Great. Kralath and Naxine. So, uh, Naxine's going to shout at Kralath.

Watch yourself, boy! And then she's going to cast. She's going to cast Mage Armour on herself. That's a great idea. Yeah, she's going to do that. You never know where one of those javelins is going to go. What does Krayloff do?

Kralov's hurting. So Krayloth is going to cast Cure Wounds, level three on himself. Hell yeah. He's one of his level three spells. So 18 points back plus five, so 23 points of health back. The two goblins in the field run forward 30 feet. They suck. They are not the best enemies.

They're not great at what they do. Both of them use their short bows and fire at Doren. Both of them miss you, Doren. Dorn just grunts. Knock off of your armor. I was looking forward to feeling the pierce of my flesh. Whoa. Jack and Z. What do you do? He's a massacist.

Jack is going to move up until he's within 60 feet of the two behind a bush there. Yep. and he will pull out his orb, and from it, this big icicle will form above it and shoot forward towards the one in the north there. Yish! Ice knife? Yeah, ice knife. So we're 17, 25 to hit that one. That hits. So they will take three piercing, and then both of them need to make me a dexterity save.

Okay. Both of them fail. They're too chilly. And that'll take 12 damage as the icicle explodes into shards that stab both of them for 12. Owie, owie, owie, owie, owie, owie, owie. Does Z do anything? Z is going to take a shot at the one that everybody's concentrating fire on. The bug bear that everyone's been? The bug bear in front of Doran and Kralath.

Z is going to try and get in on that action and rolls a 19 for a 23. Yes. For three, four, five damage. The stone clonks him solid in the table. temple and he looks very dazed. And there's a moment where Z, like, celebrates. You can see on her face where she's like, yes, I hit finally. Red and Liferless.

Liferless is so angry. Honestly, more than anything, because the people he's fighting with right now, he doesn't recognize that much. He knows Mikros from being hit and Z, but he's really angry that they use the trees to hide and jump out of. He's, like, pissed off that these are my friends. He's like, how dare you? you use them to ambush us.

And he is going to pummel that one in front of Doran into the ground with a 11 is a miss. He's attacked twice, so he's going to try again. With a 18 plus 6. That hits. And he is going to slam him. Is that the one we've been concentrating on? Great. Slams him into the ground with 12, 16 damage.

Yeah. There's no more bug bear there anymore. He's like, how do you? And, like, it hammers this thing into the ground, fuming as he does. Amazing. And Red's going to take that inspiration, not literally, but he's going to fire at the, has any of the other bug bear's been hit? Yeah, the other two had been ice knived.

That's what I thought. So I'm going to take the one in front, yeah, because it's more important. The one that's by Kraloff? Bingo. Let's see it happen. So I'm going to. You're going to Hunter's Mark? I'm going to Hunter's Mark.

Thank you. Do you have to recast that? per battle. So this is only a second spell use because I can move it with a bonus action as someone dies but to cast it

I have to use a spell slot. That's what I mean like you cast it in the first battle so you have to recast it? Yes, so I've used three spell slots this entire game

so far, one cure and two hunters marks. Make it happen. So I am going to cast hunter's mark on him I am also going to sharpshoot this guy because I think

it's honestly worth it most of the time and I'm going to roll one of these new paladin dice again because they were doing so well that first time. Nope, that's gonna miss.

And then I'm gonna attack again just regular because I don't wanna jinx it now. So 19 plus 8. Yep. And that's gonna be 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. And they're humanoid, right? They are. So 14 damage.

The bug bear, he's going to try to morning star Krilloth. Okay. 12 to hit. That is a miss. Misses you? The other two bug bear who were, ice-knived run-up on the party and one of them attacks Doran,

one of them attacks Miros. 11 misses Doran but I believe a 17 will hit Miros. Yes, it does. Is this the end of our inkeeper friend? 14, piercing team. He's dead. Well, he's on the ground.

Is he unconscious or dead? He's unconscious and dying, but... Like, I can give him a... One round and he's dead. Yeah, basically. If nothing happens this round, he's toast. Oh, boy. Literally last.

episode ended us with us being like, hey, your parents are dead. This episode might end with him dying. The ogre continues charging up the road and grabs a javelin and tries to hurl it at red in the tree. That's a 10 to hit. Oh, Justin Misley. Now, here's an interesting question. Does it hit Liferless? That's a great question, actually. And I think if it would hit you but for the cover, then it should hit the cover. I mean, that's not rules as written. No, but we can play it like that Because it means it was close enough that it would have hit me, but because I'm behind a trunk. What's your AC right now? 15?

Yeah. Yeah. So if it was a 15 or 16? Yeah. Makes a lot sense. With a 10, it just skids wide. I think that's a good ruling and I agree with it. Thank you.

Doran and Miros. Doran is going to take both of his actions. Mm-hmm. Can I take my bonus action first? Sure. Okay. Unless it's like as a bonus action, you use your action to blah, blah, blah. So I'm going to use my action surge, which just gives me an extra action.

Amazing. I'm going to give me. A bottle of health potion. So that's three, seven, nine. So he's pretty much back up. He is prone, so he's still lying on the ground, but he is alive. Whew. Now what do you do?

Doran, I'm going to take both of my attacks because I can. And they're going to go against the one directly in front of me here in the middle. 16, no, 19, sorry. Yeah, that hits. Plus nine damage. And then 25 with seven and five, 12. 12 damage. You kill it.

You hack him to... Nice. Little... You mince... Well done, buddy! You mince him. Finally. Into meat cubes.

It's just a messy hack in the middle of the chest. Did you want Muros to take a turn now? Can he stand up now? Yeah, that's half of his movement. Oh, I see, I see. Okay. And then he's just going to...

I'll just move back so I'm out of harm's way then. Okay, so you disengage as your action? Yeah, move half my... So, five, ten, 15. Perfect. So that's Muros. Now it's... Krayloth and Naxine's turn.

Okay, so she's going to use Magic Missile. Yep. So she's going to use Magic Missile on which which bugbear has been damaged the most. So there are two bug bears left. They each look kind of equally damaged. Okay, I'll do the one that's in front of Kralath.

Mm-hmm. And so she does 13. 13 points of damage as these three bolts shoot from her hands and connect with this. Yeah, as the last dart pummels its body, falls over dead. Beautiful.

Concussed bleeding. Kralath is going to cast, you know what, just radiant flame. Yeah. The cantrip's are great. So against the ogre. Oger has to make a save? Yeah, dexterity. 18.

That is a safe. No problem. Okay. Goblins turns, they both fire at Red, who's still in Liferlus. And they both miss you with a 14 as the highest. Jack and Z? So Jack's going to move forward up next to Z and sort of point at the ogre and Z sort of fires a slingstone Adam just in the same time as Jack tolls the dead.

Amazing. So I need that wisdom save throw and I got a 23 to hit. I rolled a negative one on the wisdom. So five from the slingstone and 12 from the tolling of the dead. So you guys are still facing down one wounded ogre, two, goblins and one bug bear. Red, liferless, what do you do? I'm going to use the two trees to attack first.

They're going to attack the ogre. Yeah, they're kind of flanking the ogre. Miss, a hit, one hits. With a what to hit? So each one hits once. Great. They smash at this ogre with their huge tree trunks. Oh, not bad.

17. And these trees together bludgeon the ogre to death. And the ogre is dead. And Red slaps, Leflis' heads. Well done! We got that bastard. Red, what do you do? Actually, Liverless is going to go now.

He's going to attack the bug bear in front of him. Okay. And he's going to slam down with a hit. 17 plus 6. And that's going to be 17 damage. Kills him. Kills the bug bear. And Red is going to take aim at those two last goblins.

Great. That are just floating off in the distance. Let's see you clean up the map here. I wanted to, but four misses. Second attack hits with an 18. 12 damage to one goblin. Dead. That leaves one goblin on the board.

It's Doran and Miroz's turn. Miroz is going to go first. He's got a crossbow. Which is going to be... Fuck. Okay, one attack misses. And one hits? And one is a 16.

To hit? Yeah. Yeah. Uh, seven damage? You kill them. Oh, perfect. Nice. As everyone stands, wounded, out of breath, feeling the crackle of energy in the air, in the darkness with the mist creeping back over the fields, hearing the soft bleat of cattle, you also hear the Abbey begin to ring its bell.

And over the fields, through the darkness, you hear the Abbot's voice. Arms, two arms, attackers in the town square. Not again. Let's throw down. Bandit. Giants of the magistrate giants. Of the magistrate giants.

Here come the trees. We must protect the citizens. We must protect the crops in the name of the magistrate. Lots of beatboxing in dice, shame. Yeah, lots of it.