Dice Shame - 2-119 | 'Knuckle Sandwhich'

Episode Date: December 5, 2024

Imagine your best game of D&D. The shocks, the twists and turns, the moments that can’t be caught because you just had to be there. That’s Dice Shame.Join our DM Jo, her husband Harlan, their brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they experience those unmissable, gut-wrenching, heart-aching, joy-filled moments.This legendary AP releases a brand new episode every Thursday morning at 1:20 am!Content Warning: animal death, swearing, violence, claustrophobiaPart of the Rusty Quill Network Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Now we're sure these are not magic apples, right? Can I see that apple red? Better enjoy them while we can. It's ripe area for experimentation. Oh, have we unlocked fast travel? We are traveling real time, okay? Bigger. Bigger.

For the condition, I bet it's great. I lost too many horses to trolls before. I know. You've been shooting me weird looking. Dodge this. I was busy assessing the situation. Different bridge. Different bridge swim. I'm right here.

GM, GM, GM. They're disposable. Nog fight frog. Welcome back to Dishame. This is Season 2, Episode 119, Knuckle Sandwich. MVP this week is Zill, aka Evil Liz, from our Discord, who says that they're thoroughly enjoying the show. We're so glad to hear it, Zill, you're this week's MVP. Thanks, Zill. All right, should we play some dungeons into dragons?

Yes, let's do it. Were there moments where you think, God, how I was so oblivious, or maybe not so oblivious, but maybe, like, if I knew now, what I knew then, oh, my God. Like, I'll give you an example. Ooh, la la. I was once, I was like 17 maybe, and I feel like, if I think back on it, I feel like I was just this young, dumb teenage kid. I have no re-recollection of what was actually going on long in my mind at that time. But I was looking for jobs and my aunt and uncle knew this guy that was in the advertising business. You know, they sent me up for like an interview and I go and sit down.

And I sort of remember the interview And it was like, so what do you want to do here? I was probably like, oh, I don't know. You know, like job. Yeah, work. Job for money. And I mean, I was a polite kid, but no real drive or push in my life, right? And I think back, oh, God.

Like, I just sort of cringe thinking about how the guy was polite enough to call me and be like, yeah, sorry, we're not looking to hire anybody right now. Okay. You got the experience of an interview? That's not nothing. Kne-jerk for me, I was thinking like, oh, man, totally same era of my life, you know, 15, 16, and like, you know, I think I have to cut myself some slack because thinking back on those years, like, oh, the cringe, the stretchy airbrushed dolphin pants that I used to wear, like, sincerely. But I don't know, man. Like, everyone gets to be a kid and be stupid and like, yeah, kind of dumb things.

And, like, I don't know. I deserve to, to not feel humiliated in retrospect. Don't kill the part of you that's cringe. Kill the part of you that cringes. Yes. Yeah. I like that. I don't know.

I feel somewhere in the middle between those. I feel like there's things that you could be objected. I think it's aspirational. I feel like you could kill a little part of you that's free. cringe and a little part of you like cringes. Why not kill every part of me? Self-awareness is also. I don't think I want to kill

either part. I think ultimately what happened in that perspective, looking back and going, wow, what the heck did I? I learned, you know, what not to do and what to do, and that obviously guided me, but, you know, I know as a young man,

I missed obvious signals from women. And looking back on it, it's like, dog how can I have been so stupid that's where my brain went to like relationships I mean just as much though failed communication is the communicator's problem if they were trying to give you a signal

message was not received they failed at communicating no no Rob it's not some people require a sledgehammer I can promise you I can think of a handful of times as well where I was like ah that was great and then years later was like oh Still, it was like, you know, I didn't pick up on it. Oh, well, you know, it really was.

I remember one time Alex, when we were on that cruise, that Mediterranean cruise, the piano player, remember him? Yeah. The piano man, himself? Yeah. I remember afterwards sitting with him and he was like, oh, do you want a beer? And I was, no, no, no. He's like, okay, yeah, yeah.

And he was like talking to me. And it reminded me of that scene in community where Abed is talking to the guy about Last Starfighter. And the guy keeps buying him beers and everything. He's like, so anyway, you want to get out of here? And Abbot's like, no, he's like, what? He's like, I've been buying you drinks all. night don't you want to come back to my room and he's like no i'm not gay he's like you're

gay what do you think we were talking about he's like uh last starfighter it's exactly that but me with like billy joel i was like yeah anyway and billy joel he's like yeah yeah yeah you just wish you wish you took more advantage of him buying your beers no no he's full out he really wanted to explore a new part of himself and he at the end of he was like he's like are you not gay i was like no no he was like oh okay oh that's and then like immediately excused himself from the conversation but at the time i was just like oh he must have stuff to do But anyway, I always think of that scene when I see that. Man, all my, all my, like, things where I'm, like, I should have learned earlier are, like, injury-related, like, times where I'm just, like, I'll be fine.

And then, like, the narrator pops up and is like, but she was not fine. I've, like, written some checks. My body cannot cash. And I'm still paying for it. For me, mine are, honestly, if I'm being sincere, which I think we have space to be here, you know, some two. I regret the large part of my 20s I spent intoxicated, probably. Like, that's a lot of wasted time and brain cells, frankly. And I'm really happy that I don't do that to myself anymore because that sucks.

Fair. Yeah. I can edit crickets there. No. Harsh. I mean. No, I don't know how to cut the tension there. joking is all I can think of I mean I can be sincere yeah I mean I totally agree

you know I do but I don't I don't know how to yeah come back from that we can kill the podcast here and now speaking of drinking too much what's Doran up to I don't know my one skin get away from I mean there's a lot to regret that we can regret but like even going back to Alex's original example did you want that advertising job who who knows I may not have even liked it you know But I guess the point is, well, you live and you learn. But if you didn't want the job, then did you really whiff the interview is what I'm saying.

Like a cringe moment of mine is I once took a job. I was desperate for a job. I quit my last one because they were miserable pieces of shit. Nice. Yeah. They asked me, I was hired with a beard and I worked there for three, four, five, maybe even six months. And one day the district manager came in. and he was just in like a foul mood

and he pointed out and I meant him like tons of times before that he pointed him he was like go home and shave I was like what he's like go home and shave yeah and I was like a power trip my dude kidding that's fucking illegal Mr. Burns ass shit

I remember he was like so I think he just got chewed out maybe or something and I was like if I go home I'm not coming back and he was like didn't buy it he was like yeah yeah and I just never went back I was like I went home and I was like yep done but anyway I took another job

after that one because I was so desperate for work and it was at like H&R block or something and I remember they hired me and they did all that shit and I was in orientation

sitting there in my stupid fucking dress shirt and tie and it was like the first lunch break and I just went up to the dude and I can't do that I was like I can't do this

I was like I and he was just like so gobsmacked I was like I thought I needed to work this bad but I was like I don't I don't care about your business at all I wasn't that cool about saying it I was just like, I'm sorry, I got to leave.

And then I just fucking left because, like, you know, two hours into that, I was like, this is going to fucking kill me if I do this. Like, I am, yeah, can't do it. But my point being is that if Alex whiffed the interview in advertising, you probably didn't really give a shit about advertising, and it probably wasn't the right thing for you. Well, no, the thing is, my point was it was so, I was so kind of young and dumb and naive,

I didn't realize what opportunities I had I might have had in front of me. And so I didn't really put my best efforts in, I guess. And would I have liked the job or not? That would have been to be determined. You could have walked out like I did, which I did before in different jobs. There is that particular kind of desperate of I've just gotten out of school. I'm supposed to be an adult now. I'm supposed to do another thing.

And now I'm at the mercy of whoever sends me an email to come in for an interview. And then I'm at the mercy of whether I, you know, like so much of life after that point is just what set of circumstances. is going to push me in a weird direction. You know, you're just got to kind of go with it until you... Fuck you, H&R Block. I think it's funny to like, look, define like those moments of failure in your life where you're actually like, you know what? I think it's fine that I failed at this.

Because like, well, like, I studied classical piano for most of my life. I was originally going to go to university for music. I got into two different universities for classical piano and then wanted to go to U of T auditioned, did not get in. Like, just not at all. And I was like, okay, I could go to my backups or I could completely change the course of what I'll be doing with my life. And I decided to stay in Toronto to not go into music.

And as much as I love music, as much as I still play stuff, I still get to occasionally compose, I still get to, I still play bass. I do lots of other stuff. But I think that where I am now versus like that other path, I'm like, I think I'm more comfortable now. Sure. in a way, like, and treating music as, like, something that is fun versus it being my job. I much prefer when my job is something that I don't have to, like, love so much, where I'm just

like, I like my job. It's a lot of fun. And I have, like, I like my coworkers and all this stuff. But, like, there is something about, I don't know, I feel like I would have burned out so much faster because it's also so much more cutthroat to do classical piano. Totally. Like, it is not an easy world to be in. Speaking of monetizing our hobbies.

Let's play some D&D. With the mysteries of Westbridge solved, and your packs absolutely stuffed to the brim with apples, you head east on the stone trail, Wim, Mari, Red, and Doran on horseback, and Jack being born by his fantastic chariot. Now, we're sure these are not magic apples, right? These are just the normal ones, he said.

He promised. Can I see that apple red? Yeah, here. Yeah, she throws it into the bush. What? The only way to be sure. I don't trust these apples. I have plenty more.

Look, the deal was he wanted to get rid of them. He mentioned someone Jonathan Apple bomb or something. I don't know. Look, we're here to deliver the apples to anyone we come across so that he can get rid of them. That was our deal. He's going to make those big piles of apples to waterway giants as well. So this is our part of the deal.

All right. Taking some apples with us. I'm still not sure how much I believe Hill Giants really hate bats that much, but next time we come up against one, I think it's ripe area for experimentation. I'll tell you, it's true. Listen, they're my favorite enemy. I roll on it and everything. 100%.

I just, I would want to see it for myself. Well, sure. Is Kieran summoned Jack? Kieran is summoned and around Jack's neck. Do they ever eat? Apples. Yeah, absolutely. Apples?

They eat all kinds of crap. Do they eat these apples? They sure are. If Kieran ate a memory wiping apple, would Kieran's memory of eating the apple be gone? Yeah. Because, you know, this would be a great curse for someone who really hated apples, but needed to eat them for some reason. Yeah, like everyone in the world. Well, maybe everyone in the world is cursed like this, and we just don't realize it.

I just don't know how applicable, like on the broader. Don't think about it, Jack, Red says. I'm excited to get to the orchard giants. Ah, the rare and orchard giants. Are those just triants? Look, it's a bright sunny day. We've got Stonebridge ahead of us. I'm excited.

And look, Red reaches in his pocket and pulls out his magic piece of paper and shows everyone the title of today's page. On the magical piece of parchment, it says, Red gives it his all. And it's true. I'm giving it my all. just like I do every day. I'm so glad I didn't say Red shits his pants again. That was a rough day.

That was a terrible day. That was very tough. We should not have had that spicy food. And I'm going to. I always give it my all. We're all going to give it our all. Right? And Red tucks the paper away. Just as you're tucking it away,

Jack's words that were still on the page scattered to the edge flow in and form in a sentence behind it. And is really nice to Jack. It's still in your handwriting, Jack, but I can be nice to you. Hey, we were so nice the other day, remember when you and I got to be the masked thief of Waterdeep and his partner, who's also the Masked Thief of Waterdeep? I mean, it was a whole criminal guild at the end of it.

Exactly, and I solved it. Mori in the back room is like, I solved it. Mari is just quietly cutting a piece of apple and then sort of like seeing if she can lure Kirr it over. They're all about the apple. Doren, you see monthly quiet Dorn's riding up front eating an apple

For the first time His 400th of the week And also My stoma curds He's admiring his Adventures Guild Membership card I'll tell you

You can never turn down good food And these apples They're still in great condition So Better enjoy them while we can Yeah, I mean, considering they must have came off a tree last fall, you know, so they've survived through a winter and still he had that many. That's right. Really shocking.

Yeah. Well, anyways. Yep. You know, every once in a while, you cut into an adventure and there's just not much going on. Feels like one of those days, eh, guys? Just another boring walk. You know, it always seems like we're getting into something exciting and a dance. ventrists, but really most of the time is just this kind of stuff.

We're just riding along, doing nothing. It's true, right? You guys just have to raise your hand when you want to skip time to the next time when someone fucking dies in front of you and I'll do it. Oh, if we unlocked fast travel? Yeah, that's right. We are traveling real time, okay? We got to do like five hours of just small talk.

Although Doran says this and you can tell he's a little distracted. We're an unskippable cutscene. This apple scene is cursed You can tell that Doren's trying to distract from something that's weighing on him And I think most people would be able to notice that Hey Dorn I can tell you trying to distract yourself from something that's weighing on you What's up? What? No, red

That's no His eyes flash over to Mari No, I'm just concerned about getting to the Stonebridge And worried that we might encounter a fire giant right like last time and he kind of turns his attention back towards the road and throws the core

of his apple in a bit of haste right right right red turns to whim like I'm going to believe that whim makes a like a shape of a bridge and then mimics like walking over it and points at Doran

yes he loves bridges she nods that's what she needed to know Oh, hey, Doran, tell Wim about Stonebridge. She doesn't know anything about it. You don't. He kind of looks back at Wim over his shoulder. What are you sheltered? Stonebridge, Wim.

Grop in a cave? Well, it's a site of great importance to us, dwarves. It was where the site of Morridon, Sean, at one point after the great battles. It's almost two miles long. Almost 400 feet in the air, it stands. casting shadows far beyond where you can see. It's very important, and I'm looking forward to going back. Doren says all of this without looking at Wim,

and Wim just turns to red, and he's like, it's a long bridge, very cool. No, no, I'm teasing. He grips his axe and says, I just hope we don't have another similar encounter with a fire giant there. I'll tell you what, if we do run into another one, I'm firing at him from 600 feet away. By all means

I'll second that, Red. The dogs in the last one was really the challenge. The hellhounds, those things were probably why you keep thinking of the flames. They were vicious creatures. In fact, as we come up to this crest over here, you might even be able to see the peak

of the bridge. Well, peak implies that there's a point, but it's pretty... You're right. It sort of goes up, and then it goes straight for a long time, and then it goes down again. You know, despite my fact that I've been a really fantastic blacksmith

for the most of my life. I don't know much about geometry. Not a much of a stone mason. Is this a square? I have no idea. I just hit it with a hammer and see what happens. Anyway, it's a beautiful sight. It's really one of the wonders of our world, I think,

honestly. It sounds amazing. I'd say so. It's breathtaking. She signs with her hands, go dwarves. Yeah, they're pretty fun. Late in the day, You hear the rush of meltwater before you see the stream. And following the trail, you come to a little bridge, not the feat of Dwarven engineering that Doren mentioned.

This one only spanning about 75 feet. Across the bridge and in the shadow of it, a small cottage nestles cozily into the riverbank, with a little dock jutting out into the water. A rowboat bobs along, tied to one post. Wim hops down off her horse and she points at the bridge like Doren, the bridge

She signs like, wow Bridge Yeah, it is a bridge No, no, no, no That's not, no, no, no, it's not that bridge No, no That's, it's called Stonebridge Because it's stone, it's made of stone

She turns to Jack and she's like, good bridge Honestly, look at it, for the condition I bet it's great Wait, I mean, it's not that, no, no, no Different bridge, different bridge, Wim Yeah. Yeah, this... Completely different bridge.

Much higher, much bigger. Doran's showing with his arms. Much bigger, bigger, taller. But he's short, so it's still very small. Wim hops back up on her horse, dejected. It's okay, wait. Murray just pats her on the shoulder. Like, next one.

We'll get it next time. As you continue to approach this small bridge, you notice that there are a... series of lumbering, terrible monsters. A handful of ogres and trolls appear to be enjoying the sport of terrorizing this homestead. Both ends of the bridge are occupied by the brutes, and an ogre is trying to pry loose stones to throw down on the house below. On the porch of the house, a troll is hammering on the door,

and there is smoke leaking from the chimney. Oh, shit. So essentially, we've got our crew of adventurers here on the western part of the bridge. You're heading east. And there appear to be a number of monsters in the scene. Okay. You don't see all of them based on where your characters are. You're kind of up on a hill, looking down at the scene, judging by the height of the bridge,

maybe on a hill 40 feet up, we would say, from the water. and then looking across the way and down, you can see the homestead. As you are, you are out in the open. So if you haven't been noticed by the trolls and ogres yet, it's very possible that that will happen in a matter of seconds. Oh, shit. Trolls, everyone. Get down. And Red hops off his horse and quickly runs for cover behind one of the trees. Sure. Do you lead your horse with you?

I would imagine adventuring horses are like kind of, you know, smart. He turns it around and smacks its butt and lets it run off down the road to be whistled for later. Sure. Video game. Yeah, for sure. You just need to get your ocarina out. Shadow facts? I lost too many horses to trolls before.

That's true. Yeah, you've got troll. Troma? Troma? Post-troll stress disorder? PTSD. Post-trollmatic. Yes.

I'm glad we took a minute to workshop that And Red heads behind a large tree And beckons whim over Sure, whim will do the same Thor and follows along And kind of does what Red did there Jack jumps off his chariot And grabs Kieran and makes for the bushes after Red

Yeah and Mari jumps down off of our horse Gives it kind of like a Like a look just like I'll see you later Like and I'm sure the horse gives her like a glare back No there's no time for knowing glances You got to fucking just do it. This is adventure or shit.

She just pushes it. Go, go. I'll see in a bit. And then heads down into the bushes alongside. She'll go with Doran. Great. So we've got Doran and Mari on the north side of the road. Yeah.

And we have Jack with Kieran, Wim, and Red on the south side of the road. Everyone is just hunkered down in these bushes and the horses have made themselves scarce. Everyone, roll a stealth check, please. Okay. Let's start with the north. side of the road. Mari and Doran, what did you guys get? 18. 13. Okay. Whim rolled 12. What about you, Jack, and Red? Jack's got a 12 hiding in these bushes. Okay. Red has a 27. Red just doesn't exist at this point. He just floats into the air. I kind of love the idea that Red runs off and brings Wim and Jack

follows and by the time whim and jack like are like okay and they turn around red's like gone like he's up in a tree i'm right here he moves and he just looks like the bark excellent for the moment you don't appear to be observed as these monsters go about their business breaking into the cottage down below there's clearly smoke coming from the chimney there are people home you would assume okay look i have good advantage on this cliff overfacing the house There's a large rock by the side that I can hide behind to suppress some of the attacking from the north. But Maury and Doran, and maybe you, Jack,

need to swing north and cut off that bridge so I can't be flanked on my left. Maybe Wim and I can do some range damage from here. What do you think? Wimnods. Sorry, I was busy assessing the situation. Get in the game, and Red slaps Jack's face. People are dying.

I'm just kidding. Yeah. My thought was maybe. try and hypnotize the guys across the river because they're in range for that and that might shut them down while we can get over there. I like that too. That's smart. Okay. It won't get, I don't think I can get all of them. That's what I was just trying to figure out. Doren sort of stands up from the bushes that he's tumbled into and he looks over across and he catches Red's eyes through the bushes. Making the motions of his hands like a soldier would in battle. He suggests

that Doran and Mari go the route, follow the road a bit, and perhaps cause a distraction. If anyone wants to leap on my chariot, it's got a hundred foot movement speed and hit points like a horse and can get you where you need to go. Is the chariots still just sitting on the road? They're disposable. Is the nice part about imaginary chariots? Cool. I thought you guys had all cleared the road, but if there's just a big fucking chariot

sitting in the middle of the road. Flame decals and everything. That's pretty flashy, yo. It's like, it's like bouncing, like one of those cars that have hydraulics. Mm-hmm. When Jack points out to Doren that the chariots there, and Dorn sort of nods, Red sort of smacks Jack on the chest. And he's like, can you move that thing without being on it? Somebody needs to drive it, but anybody can drive it.

As you guys are sitting around in the bushes, some creatures have noticed the chariot, and they're beginning to walk towards you down the road. There's an ogre who was on the far side of the bridge who's making his... way across the bridge now and a troll who was on the near side of the bridge who's walking down the road right red like kind of waves to break eyesight between doran and jack and just kind of nods the dorin like yeah yeah go go go go and then signals to doran that he's going to go along the cliff face and sort of get an overlook of the cottage down below as well as have the right flank of the approaching enemies excellent everybody roll for initiative Oh, let's hope I roll like this all battle.

How did you roll? What was that role that you got excited about? 22. Nice. Mari, would you get? A 13. Okay. You sunk my battleship.

Red? 12. Oof. Jack? Four. Oh, no. For the lover. Dorn, you got to lead this.

A bunch of sleepy. folks here. All right, Doran, it's your turn to act first. What do you do? Doran, in the urgency of this situation, looks at Marian and says, when are you going to tell them about your skin? Has I spread any further? What, Doran? There is, Doran, there is trolls and ogres and everything heading towards. It is not time to talk about whatever skin condition I have, okay? So just... I know, but it's been on my mind. I know. You've been shooting me weird looks, but you need to get down there and need to

distract or fight or something. And I'll back you up. And if we survive this, then I'll tell them. Let's just get rid of these ogres or whatever they are. And then we can talk about this. Doran charges across the road, yelling back to Mari. Cover me! And he jumps onto the chariot.

And then he cracks the whip. Dashes this raging, imaginary dragon ride, whatever it is. Flying, barreling down the road, seeing the troll as he approaches quickly, and charges straight at him. Dodge this! And he drives the chariot directly into the troll in the middle of the road.

Amazing. Taken completely by surprise because who would expect a phantasmal chariot driven by a bloodthirsty dwarf in the middle of a leisurely countryside murder scene? The troll is

barreled directly into by Jack's Phantom Steed. He's going to take a a little bit of car crash damage. We're going to say nine damage. Doran hops out at the very last minute, striking a very cool pose. Doran crashes the chariot into the troll and then it disappears in this rolling roiling smoke and then it's as it clears it's just Doran standing there in the middle of the road imposing himself between the troll and the rest of the party. Doran, you still have all of your action. What do you want to do? What am I looking at?

You are looking at a large giant creature. He has these bloodthirsty red eyes and long fangs. His limbs are very powerful looking and long claws protrude from the tips of his fingers. He looks very hungry. Like he's probably going to try to eat you. I'm just going to do a normal axe attack. Do it. So here we go. Attacking once, swinging with his axe. He tries to hit with an 18.

Yes. Doing eight points of damage. Excellent. And then coming back around with a 21. Yes. He does another nine points of damage. Nice. Oh, yeah.

Feels good, Ork Splitter. Get him, Doran. Cool. Doran, that's the end of your turn? Uh, yeah. Rock and roll. All right, we got troll turns. Um, the first troll, which you are standing directly in front of, Doren, takes those meaty axe hits and then tries to bite you. 24 to hit.

That's going to be a yes. Eight piercing damage. And then it'll try to claw you twice. Uh. The first claw is a crit. 20 damage on the claw and the second claw 13 that does not hit the troll is making a ton of noise attacking Doran a bunch of other trolls are alerted to Doran's position but are not aware that he is not alone there is a troll that is on the riverbank the same

side of the river as you and alerted to Doran's battle sounds it begins to to climb this steep, muddy slope. He's only moving half speed because it's pretty steep and slippery, but he gets about half the way towards you, Dorn. The other troll that is in front of this house doesn't seem terribly perturbed, but does break down the door about halfway.

And you hear a terrified scream emanate from within. Next up, we have whim. Reds is the terrified scream. does that reaction that Tank does in Matrix where he goes, no! The Matrix jokes as of late on the show have really

taken an up to it. It's a really popular rastic in play. I don't know if you're... It is very popular. It was really formative in Red's teenage years I think. He definitely had a leather coat that he loved. No. Right. It's almost he's jealous of Jack's new look for that reason. Yeah, you keep telling yourself

that, honey. Wim creeps through the underbrush to the sounds of these screams until she gets to the edge of this little shrubbery and she looks down towards the house. Seeing the troll battering down this door lights something inside of her and she plunges her hand into the dirt below her and pulls out a stone that turn into six stones and these meteors just begin to zoom around her head. And she points a finger down at the troll that is battering down the door.

And one of the meteors streaks its way with a flaming tail across the river and explodes at the troll's feet. Splashing the ogre nearby in flame and rock. The troll fails its dexterity save, so it's going to take 18 fire-de-fire. damage and the ogre takes eight because shortly after that first meteor makes its way across the river a second one follows and then whim crouches back in the shrubbery with four meteors circling her head she looks back over at red and jack and nods at them like okay we can do this damn straight we can all right we got ogre turns now the ogre that's on the front porch enraged by the flame moves his way to the side of the house where he's not really visible

from Wim's sniper nest and you hear the renewed sounds of windows breaking and screaming coming from inside the house. Oh dear. There is an ogre that is on the riverbank that was kind of like hanging out with the troll. He makes his way up the embankment towards Doran And the ogre that's on the bridge starts to charge at Doran. He's got 40 feet of speed in him. So he's going to get right up beside the troll, almost within striking range of Doran. The fourth ogre, which is on the far side of the river, so on the side with the house, sees the commotion with Doran and also spotted where Wim was taking her.

shots from and begins to swim across the river towards you. In my mind, he was just like seeing a cool frog and trying to catch it while everybody else was doing a little bit of terrorism. He was like, he's just hanging out. He's kind of off in the weeds, you know, just. Dogfight frog. He's just having a good time. Exactly. He makes his way to the shallows on the near side of the riverbank. And that is the ogre turns. Mari, you're up. What happens?

Mari sees Doran being absolutely overrun, ogre run by all of these ogres and trolls heading towards, I can't steal the joke from you, Joe, it's yours. It's co-opted. That's mine. TM, TM, TM, TM. GM, GM. Runs out of cover. Just like, oh, God, all right.

And heads over and stops about part way down and focuses tightly on. the troll that has been attacking Doran and closes her eyes and focuses on the trees and the plants around her and tries to not harness the magic that turrell those people up before because she's afraid of what it would do to Doran but she thinks this memory of what Wim had done comes to her watching Wim pull the life from these plants and around her feet starts to grow these little plants

these little vines and everything and they start to work away up her leg but around the foot of the troll, an almost inverse image of that starts to form. These dark, black with this blue glow vines and plants start to grow up around it and twist up its legs and start to pull the life from it. Wow. And this weird sort of cold magic starts to radiate out from her. She can feel that coldness on her skin start to really take shape, but she just kind of pushes through it.

and she casts blight. And can you give me a Constitution saving throw, please? 24. You still take 20 damage. Excellent. What kind of damage? Yeah, that's necrotic damage. Sounds good.

Red-handed Robin. Red looks to Jack. The people down there, do you have a plan for them? They're being bombarded by those trolls and ocus. I can protect them. You think? Yes. Red sees Dorn being surrounded on all sides

and sees Wim taking a sniper's approach. Then he looks up, It's the giant tree that he's underneath. Red will use the cover of the tree trunk and fire at the one that is currently before Doran. 20 to hit? Yeah, that hits. And you said he has been damaged? Correct.

Then I'm going to be using my Colossus Slayer. Oh. Oh, I rolled a max on both. Eight and eight. Holy shit. 36 damage. Nice. Beefy arrow.

hit. Good job. Yeah. Chah. Way better than my axe chopping. I still don't understand this. I need to figure this out. You've got to use all your axe abilities. Yeah, you got, remember, you create on a 19. You also have that new ability that you can take a negative.

Do you do understand you could take a penalty to do more damage, right? No, did I take that one? If you decide to roll with a negative five penalty. So let's say you roll and it's like, oh, 22 to hit. but if you count that as a 17 or whatever the fuck and that still hits then you add 10 to your damage and you can do that whenever you want okay and then I'm going to attack again 20 to hit

24 damage excellent job the troll slumps to its knees and then falls to the ground excellent when red sinks that arrow through the troll does it look like it dies or does it just slump down it falls down for all intents and purposes quite dead. Okay, but here's a thing. So I have 23 fire arrows. I was wondering if you've been counting or if you needed me to get the campaign calendar out. I got Rob to do it. Both of those

arrows were fire arrows. So as Red lets that final arrow sing and it hits a small burst of flame ignites because instead of doing piercing damage, both of those arrows did fire damage. Red, as your fire, Arrow hits the troll's body and it slumps down. A shower of sparks emits from its corpse. And not only does it hit the ground with a slump, it turns to ash and begins to blow away on the wind. Red hides behind the tree and looks at women and says, use fire for the trolls. She points at the meteors and she gives you thumbs up. Meteor? Meteor? Meteor? Meteor? Thank you to our courageous patrons. Adam Frey, Abriel, A.K. Trash Panda.

Allison Wrights. Alicia Andrews. Alicia D. Amanda Nicole? Amanda Romano. Anna Lena Atholagoth Axel

Beanboy Gav Bird Bob Caspian Charles There's a lot of these Christopher Sidate

Colin Burckhart Couch Crow David Shaw Dippity DJ Eldridge Unicorn Emerson Forsberg

Aaron Lightning Fjord Fuvulcrum Gabby Tau Gareth Bradshaw Haley Harpo the Marks

Izzy J.D. Josh Galusha Joshua Nance Joy Robinson K.M. Karen DeLay Cass

Keith Adelae Kelly Fall Lambda Letta J Lickrott Liz Lorelei Feldman Manderpants Merrick's Moon

Mulinda Curley Merlin Michaela Minty Mizra Moon Nebia Gwega

Nicky Oakland, Okie dokey, pan, pinch of peppers, queen, rabidinaz cheese, Regan, Ren, Rigor Mortis Riot, Rowan, Ruthan Reed, Trin, Scotty, Seer of Time, Shannon Walner, Sray 96, Stab, S, money tea kettle ulysses vol control waffle 427 zander morning dove zephyrus and zylstree elizabeth um so uh see you next time thanks for listening I believe stone bridges were thoroughed flame tongue No, it's a holy sight to Moradin But really good memory about the flame tongue It's two miles across and 400 feet tall in the middle

It's like a big fucking deal And conspicuously lacking any railings the whole way Why would you need railings? Two miles of No, yeah, no, it's not, it's not two miles wide. Okay, all right. It's 15 feet. 15. Feet wide.

I was picturing a two mile wide bridge. I think she meant wide across the river. Like the river is wide. It's two miles across the river, like to cross the river. Yes, okay, that makes it. Yeah. The span of the bridge. That makes much more sense.

I don't know why my brain pictured like a pretty normal bridge. I mean, why would you need railings if it's two miles across? You're not really going to, whoa. battle sounds it begins to climb this steep muddy slope steep muddy slope see my brain went a troll once more just around the river bend we quit i'm quitting this podcast goodbye everyone we finally broke joe the ogre can you just say like French dogerre dogerre it is the terrible of doger

I could go see some dogeot with fruit on the bottom doger doger