Dice Shame - 2-14 | 'Party Crashers'

Episode Date: December 1, 2022

Imagine your best game of D&D. The shocks, the twists and turns, the moments that can’t be caught because you just had to be there. That’s Dice Shame.Join our DM Jo, her husband Harlan, their brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they experience those unmissable, gut-wrenching, heart-aching, joy-filled moments.This legendary AP releases a brand new episode every Thursday morning at 1:20 am!Content Warning: swearing, violence.Part of the Rusty Quill Network Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I never know how to approach these things. Doran, you look so manly. I don't want to sound like Doran. Let me out. I've known Mern forever. Mern, you keep it safe. That would be lovely. You get used to it.

You're doing good. No, Mari, no. I come from very far away. I just, like, flubbed that so hard. I'll take you by to meet the family. Let her go. She's just a mean girl. Chondry Knowles the second, I don't shake hands. Get back that drink.

Stop thinking about water. God, if I could give you. inspiration. I would. Welcome back to Dysh. This is Season 2, episode 14, party Crashers. MVP this week is Ethan, with the millionaires, who left us a stunning review on Apple Podcasts, saying that we had excellent storytelling and chemistry. We really wish you were in our group too, Ethan. Thanks, Ethan. Looking to get in the Christmas spirit,

Invictus Christmas Radio is back. We'll be playing all your favorite holiday hits with some fun intermissions and goofs to keep you laughing. Join the Discord for details and get ready to feel festive. All right, should we play some D&D? Let's do it. So we had some people over this weekend. some of them may or may not

be here at the table with us and we ordered some chicken wings okay we ordered a lot of chicken wings because we were doing the hot ones challenge as part of our Extra Life donation station

what is it called charity and I don't know why I'm the kind of person who needs to over explain things but when the delivery guy came to the front door with his boxes of I was like, oh, yeah, it's because we're, they don't have any sauce in them because we're putting our own sauce. You know, we, we, we. Charity. It's for charity. Would they even know that they were unsauced chicken wings? It's, he's like, he's eaten one. He's just like, take your wings

and pay me and stop telling me what you're doing. Okay, but I, I had an interaction with, with a delivery guy before we went on to do the extra life thing. I did. A capital I, human interaction. What? So Harlan and I ordered chicken wings for dinner tonight also from the same

place. And we ordered more chicken wings than what we ordered for extra life. We wanted leftovers, okay? Listen, shut up. Doesn't matter why.

Doesn't matter the reasons that just happened. But the guy delivered it and he was like, oh, so you're doing the charity stream again. Oh, it's you guys. You guys are doing the chicken wings.

Yeah, he's like, do you have more people this one? No, just the two of us. No, I didn't. I full out fucking lied. He went for it.

Yeah, I was like, you know, and then he like hung me there. He's like, yeah, because your wife mentioned that you guys were doing the stream the other day. So what is it like a two-day thing? And I was like, yeah, well, basically. Just look up the Invictus stream

and you'll figure it out. And imagine looking through the open doorway into the empty, quiet house. Only two shoes behind him. To see you. sprawled out on the couch, just rubbing your belly waiting. That's right. Waiting, yum, yum, yum, bring me wings.

Anyway, they're delicious. It's like when you order like a ton of sushi and then you get it and they're like, here's three sets of chopsticks. No, like 50 chopsticks and like a pile of... And then you yell into the house, hey guys, I got the food. I've actually done that. Funny enough. I did it.

You've done that? You called into your house. I did. I was totally embarrassed. I was like, uh, food's here. They know. They know you're lying. They can tell. They always know. Yeah. It's like the home alone. Last year for my birthday, I decided to eat 34 pieces of sushi.

And nothing is more hilarious than getting a party tray for yourself. Yeah. I'm proud of you. Thank you. I was proud of me too. Commitment to eat an aquarium worth of sushi. And I'm going to do it again this year. Nice. Speaking of, your birthday is coming up. It's tomorrow. Hey. I know. Oh, happy birthday to you.

God, now you have to sing it in character. Happy birthday to Mary. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. And Doran. Oh, Mary. And Doran doesn't know the name all the way through. Mary.

And he's like dwarves don't celebrate birthdays. They just have like a big party. for no reason. It's true. They just have bland stew. Yeah, bland stew. So what are you doing tomorrow for your birthday? Besides ordering sushi.

Sushi is Friday. Tomorrow is going to get a tattoo. Yeah. Yeah. Is that your Parkdale Haunt tattoo? It is. Fuck yeah. Yeah.

It's going to be tenuously connected. So it's not like super obvious. But it's for me. It's for me. It'll be obvious for all of us because you're putting in a podcast now. Now everyone will be like, oh, that must be the part to a haunt tattoo, and you'll go, damn it. Well, I feel like it's going to be, like, really high up on my leg. So either if someone saw that and they said that, either I'd be like swimming around them or for some reason my pants have gone missing.

So both ways, it's a moment in any way. Yeah, yeah. You did jeans accident. Yeah. That actually, I had a shorts accident once where I was walking home from something. And I looked at my phone and I wasn't paying attention. and there was like, you know, those the fire hose connectors

that like stick out of a building? There was one of those and it had a big giant screw blood stuck out of it and I bumped into it my hip and I ripped the whole side of my shorts open. Oh no. Oh, no. Five o'clock on Queen Street West

in the middle of summer. And all I could do was turn around and walk into an H&M and buy the exact same pair of shorts. And the girl at the counter was like, how's your day going? And I have half my short short it's missing and a big wound and I was like not great it's like one of those scenarios where you buy

a new pair of shoes and you're like I'm just going to leave my old pair here with you I'm excuse to buy a name brand though there you go if you buy a name brand you're always going to have a duplicate pair pretty much on any major shopping trip yeah except I would have just to a homemade a blood covered pair of ripped shorts just in a change room here take these yeah they're a gift to you know what I mean like an H&M oh yeah yeah I don't have to worry about changing your gear you can just be like hey you know like if i tried to buy a replacement pair of pants it would be probably difficult i don't know where half my shorts came from do you just like find clothes i buy your pants at the gap i don't buy at the gap oh okay people buy me close at the gap what i'm saying is

i don't know where they are come from if i was walking it on my sheets i wouldn't know to go to an h-and-m i'd be like oh no where do i get pants i mean i have the pants come from you go to the This is this place with pants, probably. What? No, that's big brain stuff, Rob. I would go to a trash can. I'm just imagining, like, Hurling goes in his closet.

He's like, clothes of a pair. Magic. Yeah, I'm very much, like, red in that way. I don't want to wear pants. Speaking of wings, previously, Rob wasn't able to because he was too cool to be here. Yeah. Yeah, I had a vacation plan.

Yeah, we missed you, buddy. I mean, I'm sad I couldn't be there. It just happened to fall on the weekend. We were in Halifax. How was Halifax? It was awesome. I'd never been out to the East Coast. It's pretty stunning.

I wasn't expecting how dramatic the landscape was going to be. Like it's, you know, and maybe that's like grew up in the prairie, so I think anything is, you know, it didn't feel like mountainous. A rock! You certainly were going around a lot of twists and turns and up and down and it was, you know, pretty cool. So much drama. just drama everywhere. This isn't dry grass. Curved roads?

Yeah. Right. Pebbles. I mean, where's the soft rolling hills from the bottom of the ocean? There's oceans out there. I'm not just, I'm not literally a desert.

No, but I know what you mean. You might think you go out. You think you're driving down to the coast. So it's like all just downhill to you hit the beach. But it's like mountainous. But also like all the trees were really, really small because I guess there isn't a lot of soil or something.

So it's all just very tiny trees, but a lot of them... They're illegal out there. Yeah, they actually legally can't have talk about. Interesting. I wonder how that came about it. Christmas fucking sucks. And, yeah, I mean, it was pretty cool

to walk down to the wharf and see seals and starfish and all the like, you know, ocean stuff just right there. Kind of reminds me of water deep. Oh, yeah. Let's do it. Yeah. I can't wait to show you what you're in for tonight. Midwinter holidays are.

celebrated by those who await renewal, holy ones seeking the still, endless night, by the hungry who watched their larders empty while the ground remains frozen, by the diligent, who clean every inch of their homes to prepare for new light. Some believers extend the observance over many days with solemn parades, and on midwinter night the air in the city and into the hills beyond the walls, echoes with screams for vengeance, for midwinter is also a time to renew alliances, make blood oaths, and remember grievance sore and deep. But for the nobles of Waterdeep, it would be unseemly to scream curses into the deep stillness of the night, and so they spend midwinter

like most holidays, feasting and gossiping and jockeying for favor, trying to ascertain the identity of the new masked lords and placing and losing wagers, the tangled and frivolous concerns of educated people with too much money and time. The mysterious Lord Cabin Zithundrick from the Moonshaye Isles, he who is said to so closely resemble Remy, is rumored to be attending the party of one of the most powerful noble houses in the city. It's Midwinter Day. between the months of Hammer and Alturiac, the January and February analogs, and the party is tonight.

Red stands outside of the mansion that the party is happening at. He's wearing a red velour suit with a frilly little neck, and as he finishes pissing in a bush around the corner, he zips up his fly and turns to his three other friends who are dressed equally fancy. All right, so this is the party that Cabin's supposed to be at, huh? What's our plan, Jack? Well, I never know how to approach these things. They've always been awkward. I can't wait to see you folks interact with the nobility.

It's going to be a treat for me personally. So this is house dritis, very wealthy. They own half the Doc Ward, very influential. It'll be a delight to see you piss them all off. And as you're talking, Red is just fuzzing with your hair? He's like, is this where it's, do you want to put it? It looks so different. No, it's supposed to fall like that.

It's artistic. I'm told it's the fashion this year. It's supposed to have. Why is it so crunchy? What did you put in it? The skills of the Water Davian hairstylers are second to none. Oh, this is a style. So you fucking went and got your hair did.

Well. I mean, so did Mari. This is House Dritis, you know. They're a big family, lots of very influential people. Jack's not going to necessarily be the one to be on the bad side of them. He's going to, like he normally does read a book in the corner maybe. Well, your hair looks nice regardless. And, Marry, you look nice too.

What is this? Thank you. Yeah, she's wearing a long-sleeved, deep, deep, deep, native. blue silk dress that just sort of bells out at the end. It's very long. It's one of those things where it's simple, but it's well made. This is simple but well made. And she picked up while wandering around.

It was beside the cursed silks merchant. There was just a regular silks merchant. Oh, nice. Silks, get your cursed silks. Regular silks, get your regular silks. She was tempted by the cursed silks, though, I will say that. I mean, they're half off. And then your skin is half off after wearing them.

But she has pulled her hair up into up to do at the back that she's, again, from her first instant, like, run in with red thrown of these sort of little river pearls into. Doran, you look so manly. Standing before you is like this tall, muscular human man. Wow. A human? He's like, hello. Oh, no.

Doren. Daron, your voice, it's so different. Oh, oh. Is it? Oh, well. Oh, you guys all look great, real great. I feel great. How do I look?

Different. What should we call you tonight? Well, I guess Doran wouldn't work. How about Dobin? This way we'll all remember, and I won't forget either. Can someone minor illusion him so he sounds normal? I don't want to sound like Doran. I just minor illusion a tiny Doren right beside this one like half faded in just the way you would see it in a cartoon where it's like oh this is clearly whatever just for while we're alone well oh thank all right fine but oh you made it sound like my voice oh this is very strange oh it's so much better I like it

um all right what's the game plan look we know that cabin is a target of this creature that we fought in the suez yeah we want to go in we want to warn him I feel so naked without my bow but at least I have it in the bag of holding. Dorn, where's Ork Splitter? Oh, I'm still wearing it, but you just can't see because I look like this tall guy. And I really, uh, once we get closer in, I'd like to change my voice back. Well, of course. This is just to make Red feel comfortable for the minute. This is just to make me feel comfortable, yeah.

You know, I have to say, this is a really, really unique experience that I'm feeling here, guys. You know, I'm not really a magic user per se. I've never really used it in my life. So this is all very new to me. Oh, you get used to it. And she goes to sort of like, like she's looking at him quizzically and she taps him on the back

and she can feel that his back just feels like metal. It just feels wrong and she just kind of pulls a hand back. Yeah. Right. So how many people are going to be at this party, roughly, Jack? Just the Dredas family could be a number.

And depending on how many of their friends and family, I mean, it's probably stuff to the gills and then extra rooms beyond. I think locating cabin is probably the first hurdle and then trying to find a way to talk to him in private is probably the second one. We should really try and see if there's some connection to the goose coins.

I mean, maybe this creature is actually looking for someone who has more of a connection with the goose coins, specifically. Right, right, right. But let's not put the company for the horse. Look, Jack's right. I think we should go in, split up, keep eyes out, find him and when we do contact the others so that we can

reconvene and come up with a plan of where to lure him. Oh, for sure. So also be keeping an eye out for maybe someplace quiet that we can talk. Who knows how big this place is going to be. And remember the signal. Hmm. The Whippoorwill. Whippoorwill! So just call that out if you see him. Wipperwill. All right.

I got it. Yeah. Everyone do it to test. Mari, do you whippoorwill. Can I just tap the ring? No, Mari, Wipperwill. We already decided. We voted. Robin was not an option. It's got to be Wipperwill. Wait, I was part of this vote? When did you vote? Yeah, well, it's democratic process. It was three of us, and we all decided that Whippewill would be easier

because Robbins might be at the party. I don't remember the conversation. We'll do it when the time comes. Let's go inside, everyone. And Red starts walking towards the house. I think he dreamed the voting part, but just run with it. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. I'll be sure to let him know.

I like to believe that Red just, like, in his head was like, I have made this choice. Remember? No, he said to Stephen. Should we have a special sound tonight? We absolutely need a signal, Stephen. Which one do you like? And he stomps twice and then chases a whippoorwill out of the bushes?

Really? It's your favorite. I was just going to go, goat, goat! The North Ward is a shimmering sea of candlelight, and your breath makes plumes of fog in the cold snow air as you trudge up the lane towards the Dritus Villa, a splendid mansion built of white stone whose spires are capped. with snow. You're not the only arrivals right now as you pass through the main gate and up the

lane to the entranceway. You're joined by a horse-drawn carriage that slows to a stop. Its driver hops down and opens the door assisting the passengers out into the snow. What appears to be a family unit of humans and dragon-born, dressed in immaculate finery, Jackie recognized one or two of the members to be nobles from House Herlev, well known in Waterdeep, as a family of warriors, and soldiers. Their party dress features several ornamental weapons amongst the jewelry. Hello! Hi, welcome, and I

help one of them down. Peter Refrington. We're going to the same party. I'll see you inside. Charmed, I'm sure. Me too. The grand entrance to the manor stands between two dry fountains at the top of a flight of marble stairs and a pair of servants stand to greet your arrival.

Good evening, gentle folk and nobles. Mixed Hilotte, Master Votemma and other members of House Erlev, a pleasant midwinter to you all. Please be welcomed to House Drytus. We would ask for you to kindly relinquish any weapons or other armaments before entering the celebration as it is strictly forbidden to enter well armed. Master Johannes Page. Hello. It has been some time since you were present at the house.

I trust you a will. It's been a rough week, but I'm really excited for a house treatise party. And as the other guests are entering into this mansion grand entryway, you see the splash of a grand staircase that leads off into the party. These dragon-borns and humans are unbuckling ceremonial cemotars and rapiers and shit and just like throwing them all in a big bag that a servant is holding. I believe Master Alev must have neglected to send you an invitation. I had a verbal invitation.

We spoke briefly. We're all friends, of course. Yeah, we're friends of Jack. My name's Peter Reffrington. Chaudry, Chaudry Knowles, the second. Sir, Peter Raffrington. I'm also noble, Chaudry Knowles, the second. Yes, and I'm also noble.

Chaudry Knowles, the second. And we're brothers. We're brothers. That's why we look simple. Not brothers, but related to cousins. That's right. They're from very far away, and I thought, you know, some of the nobles at Waterbrook would love Waterbrook.

Some of the nobles. Waterbrook is actually the name of the Dritis House. It's the Waterbrook Manor. Wow. Look how much he knows. He's totally not lying. Yes. My friend here, Johannes, that is your name, right?

Yes. He told us that we are very noble in the land where we come from and it would only serve us the best to... Oh, we're super famous where we come from, and our friend, Marie here too, a queen, marry. That's right, and a queen. Just lady. A lady.

Lady queen, queen lady. You're not going to give us any trouble getting in, are you? Look at how nicely we're dressed. Of course, Master Jack. Please, if you wouldn't mind leaving your weapons at the door. I've got no weapons here. I don't got no weapons neither. I'm sorry, sir, but the bag of holding, please.

Oh, that old. Of course. I can easily take this off and read like claws at it, trying to take it off. But it's so reluctant he used to. It's this totally just not my safety bag. I don't need this. It's here. Just keep it, keep it safe.

Daddy will come back for you. I assure you, sir. He hangs it around the guy's neck. Just keep it safe, okay? Promise me, what's your name? I'm the house servant, Mern. Mern, you keep it safe. You promise me you'll keep it safe.

Promise me! Of course, sir. Good. And then I open it and say, I'll see you soon, human skulls. All right, all right, we're in. We're good. All right.

And as you enter this grand manner, you can see there are other guests making their way up the lane behind you. Clearly, the servant does not want to make a scene right now, not tonight of all nights. Blink! Mari looks over at them and just says, if anyone asks what my name is, just say that I am Lady Ligari, okay? What? She's learned from the first time. Ligari translates in Icelandic to liar. I see.

So Peter Raffrington, Chandra Noles, the second, and Lady Ligari. Queen Mari. These are my esteemed guests I am bringing with me to this house, and it's totally going to be fine. Knowing that, just keep in the back of your mind. You're supposed to be here. You don't have to try so hard. We maybe got a little excited.

That's Mern. I've known Mern forever. He was always going to let us in. It's going to be fine. Red's already eating shrimp. All right? Do you say something? Never mind.

Have a good one, Peter. I'll see you at the other side. of the party. Now I'm with you all the way. Oh, wait, yeah. Okay, see you soon. And red heads off to look for the person we're supposed to look for. Sounds good. That's really good to know, actually, Jack. Thanks for all your help, eh? Chondry's awfully Canadian. He is. He's like the most Canadian. It's Bob and Doug McKenzie over here. Yeah, my, my full name is Johannes Iveven Page. Sion of the House of Wands if you really needed a title, but Jack has just always been easier.

I didn't, but it sounds, but Jack always sounded a little bit. Doran, is it cyan a color? Is Jack a color? No, red, I mean, Peter, you're a color. I know, I thought that would be cool. Sion, red, it's like we're family. I don't get it. As you move into the party, the crowd is a little bit overwhelming. The haughty, judgmental looks of certain partygoers

shows you that maybe your presence is not expected or potentially welcome here. Wow, so civilized. Look at everyone. I can't say I have too many experiences around this many nobles. Me neither, but look at all the culture. We can soak it up. It's not culture, it's just money. This? This? The whole rest of Waterdeep available, and this is the part you're going to soak up?

It's so cosmopolitan and stylish and elegant and refined. Look at that person. He's smooth. Oh, that's a statue. So you make your way into this main entry hallway. There's a giant statue of a dragon directly in front of the front doors, a massive staircase leading up to a set of balconies and the second floor. And then the doors to the left and right are property.

open, which seemed to lead into a giant dining hall. All right. Well, uh, let's split up. I'll take this room. It looks like a music room. And, uh, remember, Whippoorwill. It sounds like this. Whippoorwill!

Right. Mari just like her head shoots around. She can see people are looking at it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Hello. Some curious looks. And Red, you see a noble or two, uh, maybe,

a little bit startled to see it. Referrington, of the referentons! And I smile and walk over. Is there music coming from anywhere? Yeah, there's music coming from a couple of different places. It seems like there's probably some piano music coming from the east, as well as maybe a quartet coming from deeper within the manor somewhere. I think Jack's going to sort of make a beeline towards the dining hall.

The biggest space just to like rule out the most amount of people in one go. Sure, sure, sure. Redd, you make your way over to a music room, you said? Ah, yes. Music, so cultured in here. It's like nice and quiet. You can hear Red's voice piercing through the murmuring. So much culture, huh?

Oh, um, your name? My name is Peter Referrington of the Referrington families from East Refrington. East Reffrington, you say. Yes, it's just west of Reffrington of the... hills. Marry comes in behind him and she just goes, it's just east of Ereboz. Yes, Ereboes. Thank you, Queen Mari. Lady. Lady Elgha. And she just sort of like, like tries to like play it off and it's just like, Lady Ligari, hello. Yes, this is my good wife, Lady Megari. Ah, Mari can feel the tiniest rivulet of water just starting to run down

the back of her neck. She's like, oh no, oh no. Red slaps it. No, it's nothing, everything's fine. just like wipes it off on your dress. Anyway, we're looking for our good friend Cabin's a Thundrick. Have you seen them around here? Oh, the cabin is the talk of the party. Did you come just to see him? No, no. The referring to us, we...

There are a few out-of-towners here I've seen. Folks that we don't recognize from the water-deep circles, of course. You shouldn't count yourselves unique among them. No, we are not unique at all. No, the blue person and the fur person. We're normal. What brings you to water deep? Our fortune.

Papers, mainly. We make papers and paper products for wrapping fish, yes. And. And leather working. Well, leather working, yep, with feathers and fish. Fascinating. Fishes. I must apologize.

I'm Sua Cabernal. Oh, lovely to meet you. Correct. Yes. Does my reputation precede me? Of course it does. Your family does the long... I'm sorry.

He's come down with a chill as of late, and it's kind of slowed things down. You tell me what you do, and then I'll remember when you say it. And she gestures to this extremely exotic dress that she has. The dresses. You do the dresses, obviously. You do the famous salari dresses. Solari? Sonari. What was your name? Cabranal. Cambrinal dresses, that's what I meant.

Yes. Yes. Well, it was on the tip of my tongue, really. Yes. Well, it has been lovely speaking with you. Yes. Oh, and about Kevin, have you seen him anywhere? I have not. Oh, right. But why was he the talk of the town? Oh, visiting Highborn from a distant eye. Island is very exotic, don't you think?

Oh, I'm so exalted. I mean, talk about exotic, you know, me and my life. Yes, she takes a disinterested sip of wine. Yeah. Chandri, shall we go get a drink? Yes, I think that would be a lovely idea. Excellent. And has Doran and, oh, said Rob,

is Doran and Jack step into the front room here with the statue of the dragon? Sure, yeah. Who we got around us here? Well, Doren, as people arrive to the party, they make their way through this room and onward. So you kind of have your pick of the litter, some people shaking snow off of their shoulders. You do see there's a family of humans just coming up the lane. The dragon-born family, the Hailevs, have already moved on into the dining room by this point. I think Doren pretends to wipe some snow off his shoulders as though there was some there.

Oh, yes, of course. Oh, snowy outside, isn't it? He just finds it exciting to be tall. Yeah. I'm only a foot taller than I was. That's a big difference. You're feeling. Yes, yes.

I imagine. Yeah, I think a quick scan of this room, I'm guessing we don't see anyone who looks particularly cabin-shaped. No, not specifically. Yeah. And so I think we'd linger. I think we head on to the bigger dining room. Yes. I really could use a drink.

Jack, I think that's a great idea. Man, the Chandrae voice is throwing me. As he's talking, like, deep down beneath, you can kind of hear Doren, like, beneath the service. Whoa, there's layers to this acting, you know? Yeah. And then, so, like, you know, if you're really up close, like, you're listening right into this guy's chest,

you might hear Doren be like, you know, Doren's voice. let me out help I'm being eaten I think that's a good idea we should definitely go into the next room and get ourselves a drink yeah you move on

into this opulent marble like it's just screaming wealth dining room there's two long tables on either side of the room just filled with chairs people standing and sitting conversing

eating and drinking, servants passing around platters of food and wine. There's laughter, some of it's sounding fake and forced, some of it genuine. In the center of the room at the far wall, there's a raised platform with a sort of throne-type seat atop it, which is empty. Is it more than a hundred years old? Yes. It is. Always been Jack's favorite part of this room. Yes.

That's at that moment when Doran turns to Jack and says, Is this sort of like what the page residence is like? This magnificent and ginormous and beautiful. It's like still Doran, right? It's not like that. I think you can definitely feel here. You know, the House of Wands is not particularly grounded in reality in a way that, you know, a lot of other families have been.

So I'll take you by sometime to meet the family. That would be lovely. That would be lovely, Jack. I think that would be a lot of fun. In the meantime, I wonder if we should split up. I think I'm going to walk over that direction. And Doran kind of points towards the back left door beside the throne. Sure. All right then. Great. I love being alone at these parties They're my favorite Jack just pulls out a book

And reads in the corner I mean Unless you wanted to hang around together And it might be easier to break some ice You just hear red off in the corner Well you don't have to be so rude about it I was just trying to touch it You can't

You're not allowed to go near that But why put it on display like that? Just leave it alone You can't eat it either Well don't wear it then lady I know that there's an illustration of a ham in it But that doesn't mean you can lick it Is there anyone in this room who I recognize as a particular gossip from the circles of nobility or around town or anything from like the time I've spent here?

I'm so glad you asked. Absolutely. Holding court over maybe four or five rapt listeners, you recognize Randall Dritus. Oh. One of the members of this house and one of your acquaintances. Yeah. Oh, Chandra, let's go meet Randall. No, I think that would be a wonderful idea. Did you hear that, Jack? I said, wonderful.

Wonderful? I'm missing it. Well, it's just not something I normally say. I'm saying it because I'm in disguise right now. But Doran actually says that. Got it. Yes, you're doing so good. So good. You're doing so good, honey. Um, yeah, I'm, I'm gonna just try and give Randall a wave from outside the crowd just to, to try and catch his attention in a moment when he's looking over. Yeah. No, no, I think we should walk up and introduce ourselves.

Randall catches your eye and raises a glass to you and then continues his story. Ah, all right, let's go. Let's, you mean, like, leave? No, I mean, let's go over there, I meant. Let's go and say hello. No, no, not let's leave. Let's leave. Blue do, do.

So easily thwarted. No, no. He was just trying to not have to be in a crowd of nobles because it's his favorite place to be. Yeah. But I'll lead my friend, Chandri Knowles, over there. As you make your way over to Randall, see a couple more servants come in,

you know, dress in standard servant where they bustle past you. One of them sort of jostles you, unfortunately. But then they offer you a drink from the platter. Oh, thank you so much. Oh, thank you. Doran, like, takes one. And then looks around really quickly.

And is anybody looking at him? They'll keep it full all night, Dory. To a person watching, like, he, like, holds his drink up to, like, his neck and gulps it back. Like his Adam's apple. black that's awesome yeah and he puts down the drink on the table and grab yeah and he grabs a full one and walks around with it now that you're up close randall says uh jack oh so nice to see you it's been a long time yes of course anyway so i heard that lady silverhand was consorting with viscount nicholas and the crowd's like a new love interest perhaps

And then the girl standing beside him in a shriveled up nose goes, maybe something political. Gross. Maybe it's political or maybe it's just, you know. And who are you? Oh. This is my friend Chondry. Chondry Knowles, the second.

Chondry Knowles the second. Very nice to meet you. No, sorry, I don't shake hands. Too many germs. No one offering you their hands. What are germs? Well, I don't really know. Randall says, oh, it's lovely to see you, Jack.

I'm so glad that you could make it at the exact same time as this chick goes, look who the cat dragged in. Well, it's not often I'm in water deep in midwinter and, you know, where else to be, but a fancy house like yours. It's always, it's always wonderful. I love this room in particular. It's just grounded in so much history, you know? Yes, of course, of course.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Why do we think... I feel like at this point, Red and Mari wedged into this conversation as well. Oh, this is where the fun is happening, eh? Hey, how's it going, everybody? My name is Peter Referrington, and this is my wife, lady... Ligari. Ligari.

Ligari. Newlyweds? No. she's about to say something and just doesn't say anything no it's been it's been quite a while yeah feels like longer than it's been how can you count the years yeah you can't when they've been so short

you have fingers and toes who are you I pointed at the guy talking Randall Dritis pleasure to make your acquaintance ah you two put it there and I stick a hand out towards them This is Thera and Enrique of House Elou. And I move my hand in front of them. And Ali and Busto.

And I move my hand in front of the scrunchy nose girl. Yeah, and she's like... Well, you don't shake hands? Not with animals. Oh, well, that's... Oh, wow. That took the wind out of me. That's not very nice of you, you know, lady.

Oh, apologies. You don't mean that. You don't mean that at all. Yes, you'll have to excuse me. me. You know what? You want to hurt me? You go right ahead if it makes you feel any better.

I'm an easy target. You're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you. But I don't like to hurt people's feelings. What is happening? Well, you think what you want about me.

I'm not changing. I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me, because I'm the real article. what you see is what you get what is red ever folded like that what's happening can i give you inspiration for somehow working in the entire speech that john candy did in planes trains and automobiles into our game of d and d thank you i was waiting for someone to catch that congratulations i thought it sounded familiar but i'm in love with you i was like and

you even have a wife yeah but in this context i do it's why i dropped it i was like oh i'll make her my wife so I can throw in the John Candy's speech. That's awesome. It's just the whole reason. God, if I could give you inspiration, I would. Yeah, and Red's facade drops immediately. And he's like, I'm the realatical. And then as this person walks away, he's like,

that's where I'm an old mastican play called boats, brigades, and ships. Boats, carriages, and cannabis, airies. Oh, there we go. Sure, sure, sure. Marie shoots through an angry look and then just very quietly, just you see her fingers move and she casts druid craft so that there's just this smell like she's just farted

comes up, waffes up from her. The classic Mari farting. Yeah, she's just just makes her smell like rotten eggs. Yeah, a couple of other people start to drift away like pretending that it's not about the smell but it's definitely about the smell until like

it's just Randall and her and like one other person left and then I'm sorry, Jack, you don't have to say that you're with me if you don't want. It's all good. Mari looks at the lady and she just goes. Those boots you're wearing. Oh, those original Zarnax? Of course they are.

They look very nice, but they are counterfeit. And how do you know? I just have good taste and I just have an eye for these things, but clearly you don't. Based on your dress, I should say not. Oh, you jerk. And she grabs a glass of wine and throws it right now. No, Mari, no. It's not worth it. Let her go. She's just a mean girl.

You know what? People like you make this whole town function, frankly. That's just kind of the way it works, but... Have you tried the canapes? I don't know what that is, and I'm offended by the term. I'm sure they have something that you creatures like to eat here. All right, lady, listen here. You might call me a creature, and you might be technically correct.

But I'm no more or less a creature than you and your ugly scrunched-up nose. At least I have a reason for mine with genetics. What's your excuse? What was the name of this lady? This is Ali of House Elu. Oh, you've won this round, lady. But I'll be back once I think of something clever to say. Red Storm's off.

Also, I want to try those canopies. For unrelated reasons. I didn't know this party was going to be such a dull boar. If you'll excuse me, Randall. And she turns around and goes to find someone more highly entertaining. Oh, well, then I'll come back then. Add a spite. Red walks back up to the table.

Marrycast. shape water, and it looks like she pissed herself. It just slides down her back. This is like fucking Dennis the Menace style pranks. Then I get a whoopee cushion. And I put it right under her butt. Whatever.

Mari and I are going to go check the library because it stinks over here because she farted. I have to say, Jack, you are surrounding yourself with some interesting people these days. Where did you find them? You wouldn't believe me if I told you. That's quite possible.

Chondry Knowles, was it? Yes, yes, yes. Very nice to meet you. I come from very far away, and I'm very, very rich, extremely wealthy. Wealthy beyond my wildest dreams, actually. And how do you have your fortune? Is it old money, new money? Oh, it's a little bit of old and a little bit of new.

Isn't that always the way? Yes, of course. How can you be rich only on old money? You're only on new money. You have to have all of the money. That's what they say, isn't it? Yes, yes. Jack, I hope you don't mind me saying so, but those other two seem a little gauche, don't they? Oh, totally. I, uh, it's, maybe it's just a little bit of distance from Waterdeep has helped, but I, I didn't feel too much.

Uh, you know, I didn't bring a book this time, at least, so I'm trying. So you brought socially obnoxious people on purpose. Well, I'm not socially obnoxious, I don't think. Present company excluded, of course, Chandler. Oh, well, thank you. Who else is here? I would love to meet your family of wealth. Probably can't throw a rock without hitting a Dratus. Not that you should throw rocks, please.

Ha, ha, ha! Jack, I always get such a laugh out of Jack. You know, he really is a very wise and noble. I'm very glad to have met him. Do you think so, Jack, are you known as the most wisdomest of your dull companions? I would say, yes, very much the wisest. Wisdom is in the words you don't say. Well put. To be fair, I mean, who hasn't heard about Cabins of Thundrick and wanted to at least lay eyes on the man, right?

I know. Isn't it just divine? The room is buzzing with it. It's all everybody's talking about, and yet they say he's here, and I've never seen. seen him. It's been rumored that he is attending the party and he gets a little bit conspiratorially close to you in disguise. No. He could be anyone. Really? I was hoping perhaps one of the hangers-on that you'd brought, but it doesn't seem like they're the type. Chondry, have you ever been to the Moonshay Isles? And he kind of elbows you. I only, uh, and now I'm looking at Jack for some sort of assistance on how to answer that. Have I?

All I'll say is... No, I haven't. I haven't. All I'll say is my companions are from some very interesting places. But you and I think that interesting are very different things, Jack.

Back to Red and Mari. Look at all these books. You think they've read every single one, Mary, even the ones without pictures. There's so much dust on every single one of them that I don't think anyone's touched these for ages, but something tells me they don't feel like the people around here read very much. Yeah, they only

read their farts. Hey, uh, you, Redd walks over to someone perusing some books. What's your name? There's a dude who's not dressed as nicely as a lot of the other people at the party, and he's got really tall leather, like

stompy type boots. Hey, I like your boots. And he's got a book in his hand and he closes it. Why, thank you. What you're reading there? This seems to be some kind of political treatise from a couple hundred years ago.

Probably interesting to the right people, but certainly not to me. Snoose fest for me too, eh, Marie? A lady gladrial? I am Hodge Giffardis. Well, it's very nice to meet you, Hodge. Good bless you. Are you originally from Waterdeep?

No. Baldersgate. I've never been to Balder's Gate, but I've heard good things. It's a wonderful city. You should definitely make the trip. I think it's a bit of a walk with your Balders Gate. Hey, that's a joke. My wife's hilarious. Did I mention that she's my wife? Play on words, I like it. What brings you here to Waterdeep?

Locals, or you don't seem the type too much? No, we trade mainly in furs. My name is Peter Referrington, if I hadn't mentioned that. We sell gates and furs. You do? Yeah, iron, wood, mainly gates. We are a family of naval merchants. Oh, belly buttons, eh?

The sea, dear boy. See what? The ocean. Oh, what? Mari's ears perk up at that. So which, where do you find yourself usually? Which ocean? I'm just curious.

The sea of swords typically. The one outside the house here or a totally different ocean? That was like a bag. The window just to there. Oh. I just like flubbed that so hard. Any port in a storm, eh? I know the feeling.

You must know Cabin Threldrick then. Zithrendrick. Well, I was hoping to make his acquaintance at this party. Hey, me too. Wink. House Zethundrick was... It's said that they're here to make business connections with the mainland. And for pleasure, of course, what noble house would be in Waterdeep, if not to enjoy themselves a little.

But it doesn't seem like there's anyone around here who feels like talking about anything of substance at all. Hey, we like talking about stuff of substance? What do you want to talk about? Oozes, goose, mold? Trade roots. Wait, what? Nope. Yeah, that's boring stuff.

Don't be boring. All right, his eyes glaze over. She starts scanning the room for literally anyone else to talk to. Mario just goes, honey, I think they're playing our song. Oh, they are. I don't hear any music, but we'll get them to. Nice meeting, you, boring guy! And we walk away to end up.

Goodbye. Man, that guy was boring. Who wants to talk about trade routes, and what are they? And I don't want to know. Is it routes or roots? I don't know. Probably the one I said. Okay, bye.

Bye. Chondri, why don't I take you and introduce you to some more people? I don't want to... I think that would be fantastic. Introduce me to all of your friends and acquaintances here at this house. Well, we've done that. So now... It's like you're a dog that's just learned to speak.

How am I doing, Jack? Or something. Great. You're doing good. I think it helps us, knowing that Cabins of Thundrick might be here disguised, because then people might be more interested thinking about people here in disguise. It's not that there are any that I know of,

but if there were, that might be an interesting, that's the sort of thing that people around here tend to find fun. Red and Mari just pushed through the background, like walking loudly. As you see Mari and Red re-enter the room, they almost bump into a couple of humans that have just entered carrying this huge,

Ice sculpture and they're like, whoa, whoa. Red and Mari basically just about knock the whole thing over. They regain their composure and place it on top of this cleared table. It's got like narwhals on top of it and there's like a big wave and a sea snail and it's this very elaborate, expensive piece of decoration. The reaction in the room is kind of mixed. several nobles break out into spontaneous applause and appreciative comments and a couple others like sneer and are kind of like, how gosh? Red awkwardly applauds as well.

I could do that. I just don't want to. Yeah, it's too showy. It's a little much. Let's go check in with the guys. Red heads over to Jack and Chondry. Hey guys, what have you found so far? The rumor is Cabin is here in disguise. Hey, if there's a chance that, you know, this guy's disguised,

maybe if we make it seem like I'm him and we look for the person not interested in that, then we find our guy, right? Or the one who's deeply confused by why he is also here now. Yeah, but either of those would be a tell. So what do we know about Cabinsethundrick? Anything that would be a clue that I could say or promote. Like if he's good at dancing, I could chat, cha, cha.

You know? Or if he's really good at singing, I could sing. You've pretty much got it. You could say anything, and people would believe it. You just got to be consistent and believable. Well, what if I start talking about the Moonshay Isles really loudly over there? And whoever wants to help can be looking out to see the reactions to the crowd, and that can at least be a tell. Because at this point, we're not getting anywhere. If he's lying, he's lying.

I don't think you even need to talk loudly. there's like two sets of language happening here the word has gotten around that there's weirdos in who are yourselves everybody is talking about you even if you can't tell oh believe me I can tell at that moment to Dragonborn who you had seen earlier in the entranceway come up to your party and they say

I don't believe we had the chance to make your acquaintance sir oh So, Peter Refrington. They're reaching out past you read towards Doran, both of them. Um, yes. Chondry Knowles the second, I don't shake hands. I'm sorry. Oh, we heard.

I'm so sorry. Mm, that's okay. This is Peter. Ruffrington. Ruffington. From the Moon's Ailes. Yes, Raffrington. And, uh, Lady Laga.

Lady Ligari, and she puts her hand out, and she says in Drakonic, it's very nice to meet you. Oh. And in Rikonic, they reply, it's very nice to meet you as well. It's lovely. And in Draconic, Red also says, I didn't know you speak Traconic, Mari. I do. Draconic, y'all! Now they're just chatting in Draconic.

And Jack says, it's a lovely language. It's so expressive. Shandri has no idea. Chondry, what do you? say? I don't know what you're saying, but it sounds very dragon-like. In goblin, you're just like, y'all can eat a dick. I'm going to excuse myself from this conversation.

See you round. Yeah, so as the night progresses, it seems like Chondri seems to be attracting a lot of attention from the nobility. And I say to Marie, I guess I plan work. worked even though it wasn't really me I was trying to get him or whatever and red kicks a appetizer. I feel like this plan just kind of fell apart and melts it away. Kind of like that ice sculpture that they have over there that has just been left by a lot of candles. Stop thinking about water. Look, we need to start looking through the crowd. Is anybody reacting to him or not reacting to

him? Can we roll insight on the other people that are like not? Either people who haven't talked to them yet, people who aren't shaking hands or people who don't recognize Jack, because those are the three sort of modifiers. Because anyone who knows Jack. That's a great point. Yeah, yeah. So I'm going to roll, I don't know, perception, I guess. Can I also roll, just so we have double, double the eyes.

Double perception. How's that? We're a team. What's out? I rolled a 22. Who, wow. Great. I rolled an 18. Hey. Between the two of you, you spot about four possible people in the dining hall that seem to be a little bit resistant to maybe the normal amount of socializing, perhaps are less interested in Doran's facade than everyone else.

Come on, Mari, I have an idea. Oh, no. I lead us on a little path between all four, and Red just stands in front of them for a second smiling, and then he says, Kevin And I want to roll insight Your stupid plan That's a 16 plus

7 So that's 23 Yeah you startle the shit out of this old lady Does she react And then the red is like studying her face up close You know like looking really like looking at each eye Like trying to get reaction Cabin

This is not cabin But you scared an old woman Okay. Just testing, it's a protocol We're making sure there's no lice And then he moves on the next person. You do this one, Marie. She instead just swipes two drinks off of like a passing servant Just like a tray and hands it, it goes up to the next person

It hands it to them. It just goes, party's full of phonies, aren't they? You think so, do you? I do. You know, I've been to enough stuff that, I don't know, It just wrote at this point. Yes, the whole thing is a little bit tiring. Kevin!

Red yells like it leads forward. Like interrupts your conversation. It just moves his head around and rolling his right. The man stands up and reaches to his side. A roll another 16. As if he's going to draw a sword on you and then realizes that he's been disarmed by the owners of this manner. And he's like, don't you ever yell at me again? Oh, it is you.

Sorry. My name is Peter Raffrington. Well, actually, it's red-handed Robin, and this is Lady Ligaria. Well, actually, Mari, uh, I'm... We need to talk to you. I don't know what you're talking. It's a matter of life and death. This guy was startled and mad at you for screaming in his face, but probably isn't.

We need to protect you. Wait, wait, are you cabin? No, I just get out of here. Get the fuck away from me. No, you get out of here now. No, you get out of here. Give you back that drink. You get that right the drink.

the drink to red and just walks away. Yeah, that's right. Red drinks it. All at once, the lamps and candles flicker, and a shiver passes through the guests. A great wave of what looks like static electricity rolls over everyone. Hair standing on end all at once.

And then a sound almost like the crack of a whip. What the hell is that? Jack, you know. notice all at once that Doran's appearance has reverted back to our lovable Dwarven hero. And he stands in front of you, he's standing in front of you looking the same as any Tuesday morning. With clean knees? The party goers quiet and murmur amongst each other nervously about what they all just collectively felt. Looking at the other two people that we were about to go to, do either of them look different?

Yes. One of them looks like an old white dude with silver hair. That's him. That's him. We need to get him out of here. You hear a sharp shriek coming from the west wing of the manor. A door slams, running footsteps, and then both doors on the east and west of this dining room smash open. These party crashers that pour through the doors are sopping wet. sluiced with ooze and appear to be partly melted away.

Their shoulders sloping and the cheeks hanging from their faces, dragging down the skin underneath black eyes that glitter with intelligent malice. Thank you once again to our wonderful Patreon supporters, Ace, Adrian Estock, Alexander Reed, Alexander, Artistic Witch, Brian Blass, Brianna Weber, Michael Weber, Brain Marie, Christopher, Colin Burkhart, Creature, Daniel, Divine Omen, Doug, Grey, Haley, Heather Nichols, K.R. Lazz, Lazzania, Leader J, Lorelei Feldman, Lost with Two Faces, Mari Kahniski, Matilda Rushing, Matt Wordberry, Merlin, Michelle Canary, Mitchell Cadwell, Nut, Reagan, Ruckoo, Chelsea, Sarah, Shadowhaven, Sky, Tara, Tony Pepperone, Trapper 939, and Tyler Fowler. Thank you so much.