Dice Shame - 2-23 | 'Keep The Wolves At Bay'

Episode Date: February 2, 2023

https://strautmaskreplica.itch.io/contactImagine your best game of D&D. The shocks, the twists and turns, the moments that can’t be caught because you just had to be there. That’s Dice Shame.Join our DM Jo, her husband Harlan, their brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they experience those unmissable, gut-wrenching, heart-aching, joy-filled moments.This legendary AP releases a brand new episode every Thursday morning at 1:20 am!Content Warning: swearing, violence.Part of the Rusty Quill Network Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Didn't I just do this? Don't believe them. You slap him back in the neck. This thing runs after me. It's fine. It's fine. Wow. Hey, puppy, I have your dinner for you. Jack wants to get the hell out of there.

Hooray, finally. I've been looking at you get rid of some. My frustrations. More than all right. I've always got your back, buddy. He's doing a Naruto run. That was awesome, Jack. Why'd you do that? I was right where I wanted.

I was gonna pull out my little thing here and... Hey, where the hell is Vegas? You guys aren't fucking around. Welcome back to Dice Jane. This is Season 2, episode 23, Keep the Wolves at bay. MVP this week is Michael Tobias, who's been hanging out with us on Discord. Thanks, Michael. And if you want your shot at being mentioned at the top of the show as our MVP,

come and hang out with us too. Contact is a tabletop storytelling game in which players communicate with extraterrestrials using a collaborative playlist of songs and a deck of tarot cards. Our friend Jay Strottman has been working tirelessly on an amazing new game which opens for crowdfunding on February 7th. If you love RPGs, cool new ideas, or just love supporting indie creators, check out contact at strattmaskreplica. Dot itch.io slash contact or click the link in the description. It's well worth supporting. All right, should we play some D&D?

Yeah, let's do it. Yeah. Doren, Mari, Jack, roll for initiative. Uh-oh. Don't-da-da-da-da-da. Hope you prepared your spells, losers. Sure. Hope you prepared your losers' spells.

Yeah. Can I pretend that I didn't already roll again? Already? Huh. I mean? What? Never mind. Go on.

You just want to. Roll initiative again. It's so much fun. D20s are just like, just fun. All them sides. I love how they go all the way from one up to 20. These motherfuckers are just rolling low lately, and it's driving to be nuts. For shame.

Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. It's not vanilla scented, but it looks like it should be. Oh, you actually have a dice jail.

Yes. Totally vanilla scent. Yeah, I should just put vanilla perfume in it. Dice jail is really, really. really elevated itself. Where'd you get that from? I got it from Emily for my birthday. Into Dice Jail, you go.

Nice. Thanks, Emily. Now, let me just describe for the listeners. That was like a little cube yellow glass jar type thing. Or plastic. But you just said jail, dice jail. And I was thinking, wouldn't it be great if we had made for us a custom little, like an actual jail cell?

Hint, hint, listeners So many of them exist Do it, do it Send it to P-O Box 31044 Westney Heights RPO AJAX Ontario

L1T 3V2 Canada Send it our way And if they tell you that it doesn't exist Don't believe them Because that's just the local post office By the way we got a letter today That was for everybody We can read it at the end

Like MST 3K But like a little like could you imagine Like a little cage That'd be so cool like a metal cage. I'm going to re-roll because I actually did forget what I rolled. Right. That's illegal.

What you're doing is illegal. I know. I'm so sorry. I am, I am. Wow, a 20, Alex. Way to go. Whoa. All right.

You guys are going to get attacked by some wolves. Sweet. Doren, would you roll? That is seven, a seven. What about you, Jack? 19. Mari, 13. 15.

Those are big wolves They sure certainly are my friend Are they actually that big or are they Yep these are large creatures They're horse-sized wolves I'm having horrible flashbacks to last week Playing the thing Oh no

Didn't we just do this? Didn't I just do this? This is where you can really pull out your bow Whatever that thing is that you have You don't know I have that No no no but I like I do But Doran doesn't You don't know either Alex

how dare you Alex we are one in the same oh those are big wolves they're big fucking wolves you know what they are BFWs they're wolves the size of horses wolf sized horses

Wolfs if friend shaped then why not friend horse size wolves or wharf is well currently thanks to the kerfuffle in the snow with everyone punching each other in the face jovially while making

lots of yummy breakfast smells as you complete breaking camp and getting this fire going, you are being, unfortunately, surrounded by a pack of huge white wolves. Yikes. The wolves get to start off the combat with a Nat 20. That's bullshit. It's a wolf shit. Or you're about to be wolf shit. Dorn's like, quiet.

I heard something. And they're like all around us. Damn it. There's something out there in the woods. I think I hear something. Where's our perceptive one? We need it. Like directly behind us.

Three wolves charge right at you. Oh. And they sneeze on you. They're not very tough. They look that way until. They're so soft and fluffy. Oh, yeah. They can run really far.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Three wolves get within chomping distance of you and another three are circling around outside of your clearing. Don't love it Alright remember what I told you Punching the neck Not punching the wolves We've got our magic here man

Oh this is true Not punching a wolf in the mouth Oh I'm going to Okay great That's great Doran Go ahead Well if any of us are gonna have Success with that

We're standing back to back to back The first wolf Rears back and launches itself At Umari And tries to catch hold of your arm Shit It's giant jaws with a 25 to hit you

Well, yeah Sorry, I forgot that Mari is now encased in diamonds Oh, that's handy Is a hundred 12 piercing damage Oh, ouch Make a strength saving throw

Oh, no, oh God Oh, a six I don't think that's going to do shit No, you are knocked prone As it drags you to the ground God, no the next wolf attacks you jack growling yeah don't love it that's a 23 to hit you uh yeah that that'll hit those teeth connect i halfway through a punch i stick my whole hand in its mouth it's a mistake i don't know

what i was thinking i was sleeves were rolled up dorin's a bad influence i think it's what we're learning 10 piercing damage oh and you must make a strength save uh what are the odds of this do we think uh you could do it I mean, anything is possible. It's D&D. Do better than me, please. 10. You are also dragged to the ground, kicking and screaming, optional. On my ass.

Doran, the final wolf tries to get a good hold on you with its sharp, sharp teeth. We'll see about that. I rolled the lowest on the person who definitely has the highest AC. That is only 19 to hit you. And I have a 19. So it goes to the defender. Okay, so I hit. What?

It goes to the attacker. To who rolled. First new rolls the dice, wins the price. Right. Okay. That's what's cross-stitched on the wall behind me. Okay. That's Dyshame's new motto.

Doren, you take 14 piercing damage. 14 piercing. 14 piercing damage. Make a strength save. All right. I think I'm going to be okay. That's going to be 24. Get off me.

Yeah, you're fine. The wolf tries to pull you. down to the ground where it can more easily bite at your soft underbelly, but you just push it away. Okay. Jack, it's your turn. What do you do? Think too hard about the problem and then do something really simple, but I haven't figured out if I've thought hard enough about it yet.

100% true. Jack turns invisible and scrambles on his feet, and we're going to start by trying to shove this wolf off of me with my mind because I don't like it near me with all these teeth and my fist in its mouth. Who would? So can it make me a strength saving throw as a bonus action? Absolutely, absolutely. Shove it with my brain.

19. That'll sadly do it. Well, I'm still invisible and I'll take my chances as I scramble away. Okay, so you use half of your movement to stand. I do. And you scramble away. He's going to try to perceive you, so make a stealth check with advantage for me. Sure thing.

Rolled a dirty 20 on my perception. Yeah, I got at 18. Okay, the wolf detects that you are trying to escape it, and it's going to roll with disadvantage to try to hit you on an attack of opportunity as you make your escape. I don't like it, but... 18 to hit. I haven't used a reaction yet this round, so...

Yep, you are going through all the action economy. Every, every action. So, yeah, this thing runs after me and just... runs face first into a wall. There's a shield that doesn't see that sort of gets in the way of all those teeth and pushes them back off of me. Having had an optimal round using all my actions, I pass it over. You see slavering jaws close on air and you are safe for the moment.

For the moment. Mari, what do you do? Mari is not feeling great. She's just talking about how squishy she was and now she's feeling incredibly squishy because now she's full of teeth that should. not be there. And she grabs a fistful of snow from the ground and casts tidal wave. Ooh, man.

Welcome to the show, tidal wave. Welcome to the show, tidal wave. And that's also a space 30 feet long and 10 feet wide. So those two wolves are in her path, and she's just, boy, she pissed and bleeding. Okay. So that is a deck save for, I guess, both of them. You're doing a big old square of water is going to come down. Nice.

Title one. Sort of vibe. Okay. And we're going to be able to skate down the mountain. 10 for the first one and. Okay. Wash all your worries away. 20 for the second.

First one, first one failed, second one saved, but they're both going to take damage. So that first one's going to be, the one that failed is now knocked prone. and the other one is not, but let me roll for damage. So that first one takes 15 damage. Hell yeah. And then the second one, so seven. Yeah, half as much damage for the second one. Rock and roll.

So she grabs a fistful of water and crushes it in her hand, and all the sudden, all the snow around them just turns to water, lifts up in this giant wave of water. There's a moment where it roars and then it's silent, and then it crashes down on both of these wolds. One of them now has, like, comedy stars around its head. Bluebirds and stars. The other one just stands up and shakes it off.

I love that. Like a wet doggie. Doran, Jack's gone again. Mari just created this massive tidal wave, and you are toe to toe with this wolf who's trying its best to drag you to the ground. What do you do? Yeah, so this.

Wolf has got its like jaws on my forearm. And the best thing I can do, of course, as always, is my single most popular move. It's that attack with an axe. So I reach onto my back and I retrieve the axe and I bring the axe head down upon this creature's skull. And that's going to be a 28 to hit. Hell yeah. Doing pretty pitiful, nine points of damage. Okay.

And then Dorn's like, come on. He's kind of pulling and yanking and that's going to be a 29 to hit the second time. Absolutely. And this time doing 12 points of damage. Nice. Come on. So it's like, ch-ch-ch-ch-litter's just reveling in the chance to do some damage. It's been a few days.

Red, where are you? Red, you hear your friend calling to you. Do I, though? I don't know. Depends how last. La la la la la la la la la la la la he's all you would have seen is like above the trees just all of a sudden like the white caps of a tidal wave and then just the sound of all this water just go time for you to sing veranda that seems normal yeah you're like oh they're having fun they're doing fun spells water is that fireworks the wolves turn top of the round the three wolves that that are prowling around on the outside begin to close in.

Of course they do. Why wouldn't it? Meanwhile, the one that was thrown off its feet by the tidal wave gets up shakily and retaliates against you, Mari, as does its neighbor. You are taking hits from both of these wolves now. Oh, boy. The first wolf attacks you, 23 to hit. Yep.

And the second wolf attacks you again. Ooh. 13 to hit. That does not hit for once. Okay. You take another 12 piercing damage. That's just rude. The third wolf attacks you, Doran, trying to trade blood for blood.

All right. Let's see it. 22 to hit you. Oh, damn it. Yes, it does. Mm-hmm. Blood for blood. For minimum damage, six piercing.

All right. Make his strength save. That's going to be at 27? Yeah, you're fine. I know. That's it for now. Jack, your turn. Jack climbs up onto the top of this rock that's behind him to get a little bit of an elevated space to sort of be looking down on the wolves.

And from scrabbling up top invisibly, he pulls out Desan's wand and fires. And a bolt of fire flashes out. The one Doren was slicing with the axe. Fireball. Cool. Because I'm invisible and it can't see me, I get to roll with advantage. How do we feel about 14? 14 does hit.

For four whopping fire damage because I rolled it, it's pretty bad. Frigg, yeah. You're greater invisibility, right? Correct, yeah. Marvelous. So Jack remains invisible. Red, you continue your travels closer to your companions, but you are still outside of range of being able to enter the fight.

Mari, your turn. Well, I'm so torn between trying to fight properly and just pulling a jack. What does that mean? Well, we'll see. We'll see in a moment. Does that mean explode five things at once or die? It could mean any of these things. I think that it's the toss-up, right?

Yes. All right, well, I'm going to. moonbeam again. Excellent. Just get moonbeam going. The old classic. She snaps a finger and here comes that big old spicy beam from the sky. Who wah.

Yeah. Jack, not Jack. Rob, were you doing the opening that Disturb song? Wah! There we go. I wasn't going to try to do it because it would sound terrible. I don't think I was. I want to hear what it sounds like when you do it.

It's going to see. That'll be the end bumper. Do it. Do it. Do it. Everyone has to do it. I don't know this song. You don't know that song? Anyway.

Maybe to hear it, but not by... I'm going to cast Moonbeam. So if that lovely little fluffy boy could do a constitution stay for me? Absolutely. Fluffy boys will definitely do a concede. That's a 10. That does not safe.

Hey. Let's find out what roasted wolf smells like. 28 points of damage. The beam comes. down and it looks so pretty but it's not pretty if you're within the beam and that wolf is so that's 28 points of damage the fur begins to just singe and sear and you can begin to see skin and char and the wolf howls in pain can i do bonus action 100% and that bonus action is misty step oh nice yes when i say i'm pulling a jack it means i'm leaving look at me i am

I'm leaving Doran to fight all of these three. Sorry, Doran. Well, I mean that, I still have, I still have that beam, and that beam's going to be my buddy for the next little bit. Beam buddies. Best beam ever. Yes, welcome, welcome to the game, Mari using Misty Step. She has this moment where she feels this incredible guilt because she's already got mad at

Jack and now she feels such an incredible sense of cognitive dissonance for doing this, but she... Oh, the second time that's come up this game. Cognitive dissonance, eh? That's the theme of this episode. The Dyshame Word of the Day. I think we've been using Moonbeam wrong. Have we?

Oh, fuck me. When a creature enters the spell for the first time on a turn or starts its turn there, it is engulfed in ghostly flames that cause searing pain. And it must make a con saving through. But not when you cast the spell. So it's not going to take damage again on its turn because it just took damage. You know what I mean? It would take that damage on this third of it.

Right. But I don't want to double up on that damage. I think we've been doubling up by. accident because it's cool when you cast a spell for the thing to happen. But for moonbeam, the thing happens on the creature's turn. Or if someone say telekinetically shoves them into the moon. Sure. Or pushes them.

However that might happen. Regardless, I'm just for my own brain. Right. So, Doran. Mari has bamfed the fuck away from you. Jack is nowhere to be seen. Red's not around. There is a pillar of light.

But apart from that, there are a lot of wolves around you. What are you going to do? Oh. I've been looking to get rid of some of my frustrations, some of my angers. And Doran turns and quickly swipes at the, with a natural 20-day- Oh! Nice! Doing, um, don't tell me.

Don't tell me. It's, you got this. I'm rolling my damage dice twice. And I'm going to add, and I'm going to only add the modifier one. My damage twice. Oh, look at that. So that's going to be 18 plus math. It's 27.

18 plus 9. 27. 27 points of damage. Sweet. Rock and roll. The first one. And then attacking again, that's going to be 22 to hit. Yes.

And full points of damage, that's going to be 20 points of damage, the same wolf. Hit twice. Yeah, you take that wolf to the ground. And I, like, clean my axe right into the neck of this wolf. And with an agonizing, it blood spurts out of its eyes and mouth. And it goes lifeless on the ground. Ork splitter's jubilant cries are muffled as she's buried inside of the fur of this creature. Great job.

Do you want to do anything else, Doran? Um, I'm going to end my turn there. Rock and roll. All right, Doren. Great round. Yeah, thanks. Killed one. Doren, I'm so sorry.

Oh, it's okay. I needed this. It's the wolves turns. Doren, Doren. One of the wolves beside you that took some abuse from Mari earlier. Oh. The one that fell down for the tidal wave. Oh.

Has regained its footing and it's staring down at you, Doren. It opens its mouth. And instead of biting you, it exhales this blast of freezing wind at you. Make a dexterity saving throw. We're fighting Pokemon? Gotta catch them all. Will a 12 do it? Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait. Whoa. It does. You save exactly. Ah. Yes. And a skinnier teeth, Doran. Doren braces against the chilling, cold.

air. Yeah, you take nine cold damage as this icy wind washes over you. At the same time, the other two wolves close in Doran, and they both take giant chomps at your cute dwarf butt. That's a 24 to hit you. Yeah, that one hits. And another 24. Oh, man, when is it not going to hit? I want to do my repost. No, they're... Repost! I'm rolling with advantage because they're pack hunters. Ooh, max damage. Oh. Oh, no. That is 16 points of piercing damage.

Okay. And roll a strength saving throw. 18? You're fine. And then you take nine points of piercing damage from the other wolf. Jack, you notice that there's a wolf below you on the snow that's sniffing upwards at you. Hmm. Hopefully it's a windy day.

Trying to smell you. Jack, don't fart. Or do. It begins to pace around the rock, clearly sensing that you are up there. And this fourth wolf begins to close in on you, Doren. Brang him. Jack, it's your turn.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself with that. Well, Jack runs in behind Doren, like leaps off this rock, powers in through the snow. Do you do a 180? Rolls an ankle. It's a cool kick flip. You know what?

When Jack tells it, no one can discount him because he's invisible and no one can see him scrape his knees and fall twice as he slides to get in beside Doran. But seeing that these things have like breath weapons and our next fucking level, Jack wants to get the hell out of there, grabs Doran and explodes.

Oh, no! They're both dead. That explodes. And a wave of as much thunder juiced up with all the energy he can muster into it washes over these three wolves. Marvelous. I'll tell you what that means in a second. It's probably going to start with a save. That save is a constitution saving throw of 17.

All right. Unconstitutional. It's not a meager. It's a unconstitution saving throw. One fail. That's a 16. Two fails. Sweet.

and 17 17 that's a success right i think so yeah okay so one succeeds two fails so it's 14 thunder damage and another 11 force damage as jack washes as much power over these creatures as he can and jack and dorrit explode in this wave of force and thunder washes over these three wolves and we reappear you know 70 feet to the south just sort of on the outside of the pack so they're no longer are circling around us, and now it's dice, now it's, now it's, now it's dice shame. And now it's dice shame. We don't have, what I don't have a thing for? I was going to say it's the nightstone four, but we're not, and now we're the ones circling them and hunting them. Damn right. Hey, nice job, Jack. And Doran gives you a high five. You try, but I'm still

invisible and I'm kind of freaked out, so it's real challenging. You slap them back in the neck as vengeance. Wow. You smack him right in the butt like a baseball player. No, no, no, no. If, if you're then Dorn doesn't see any of it and he yells because he doesn't realize you're right next to him. He goes, oh, whoa, wait, that was awesome, Jack. Thanks. I've always got you back, buddy. Oh, you're right here. Shit.

I thought you were off in the distance. Red. It's your turn. As these guys bamf out of the circle and Mario sees these five giant wolves circling around, it's like still for a second. Just a...

And like, the wolves sort of like cream their heads a little bit and look off to the west as an arrow just like hits one right in the center and then fucking explodes yes I'm gonna use my advantage thanks Jim got so exploding so gradually we really ramped up into it there was a fuse oh yeah I wrote a natural one uh oh do better in 18 hey I'm hitting the middle one and the arrow hits that one for 24 damage. Yeah, the snow is painted red as the wolf actually explodes. And then the two on either side of it take 10 force damage.

It's visceral body and bones just drive into their coats, like shoving them. There's like a crater between them. Oh, yeah. What does it sound like when a wolf explode? But much deeper and with an explosion. You ever had like a baked potato blow up and then? the oven. Yeah.

I really like, I'm picturing that like one of those myth busters, like lots of high explosives in a concrete truck, just a pow! And then, oh, yeah. You know, like, and then the camera like snaps over to red and zooms in as it sees him because he came out of nowhere and he goes, I was the first one. Explosion buddies. And then he lets a second arrow go and it sings out towards one of the two. Yeah, 14 hit.

14 hits. Nice. And it hits him for 28 damage. What does it look like when you kill your second wolf for your second arrow? The wolf turns to see where the arrow came from that just exploded his friend and hurt him. And as he turns, the arrow drives through his open jaw and pins his jaw to his foot as he just crumples over and like kind of walks back and forth for a second. But the foot stays pinned to the ground and he falls over dead. That's so sad.

No, it's not. They're off. They are bad wolves. They're bad, bad creatures. You dickweeds. Mari, it's your turn. A wolf exploded in front of you, by the way. Yeah, she's definitely took a little bit of viscera in that.

You're not that far away. You're on the other half of a moonbeam, so maybe it's cooked it through the air. Like, it's one of those. Oh, that's nice. It hit with little pieces of steak. Just sailing over towards me. We eat this. Everybody loves that.

Blood pudding just raining down. Burnt hair. I'm going to move my moon beam. Move beam. You can beam your move boom. Yeah. Mari sees these, watches as these wolves just explode in front of her. And she's just kind of aware that it must be red because it's just sailing back.

And she can hear somewhere in the distance, someone trying to stay something cool and like one cool thing. And then the second time, it's just like, I, whatever. It's fine. It's fine. You just start cackling. Yeah. She's like, okay, that's better. And she gently shifts the moonbeam over.

Excellent. The moonbeam hoves over a little bit westward and settles to spotlight on one of the shiny, fresh, and new wolves. You can tell based on the fact that it's not bleeding a lot into the snow. Come on down. Pretty much. A new wolf. Yes, welcome to the pain is right. Excellent.

Do you want to do anything else with your turn? I don't think there's much else I can do unless I can just throw a shaleli at someone which I don't think I can. I don't know how shaleli works. I never will. I refuse to learn. Or I can bring back archer form.

And still, I think the only person you can see me is red, maybe. I think we're looking at you. Yeah, we're in eyesight. But there's two wolves in the way. They're really big. You can see, but you can't see, you know, with your heart. Mari is so squishy, and she's bleeding from, like, a chunk of her arm that she really liked. She liked that part of her arm, and now it's missing.

It was a good arm. Yeah, it was a nice arm, and she's already got, like, a hand injury from punching Doran in the face. Same arm. Same arm. Tough morning for limbs in that sense. So she scrambles up the tree beside her, just to try to get out of range of something like kind of running and snapping over at her. Sounds great. Do you want to make an athletics check for me?

I probably shouldn't because I'm, I forget how soft and squishy I am. Oh, I shouldn't. No. Climbing a tree is not very hard. 13. Yeah, you're good. You get up as far as you want into this 20-foot tree. Yeah, she pokes, she, like, pulls back and nail just a little bit when she doesn't.

Oh. Damn it. Now we've got to put a content warning on. Thanks, Alex. The grossest part. I love how we're all like these, like, really intense fighters. and we're like, oh, a nail. Ouch, ooh, cuticle injury.

Doran, it's your turn. You've just been teleported by your friend Jack. Yeah, and then I watched two of these wolves explode. One of them exploded, and then the other one just fucking died. So then I look at the wolf that's sort of 10 feet in front of us, and I just kind of say, oh, you guys are in trouble now. And the wolf's like, woof, because it doesn't speak English. Oh, no, it does.

It speaks common. Should I, should, is an intimidation sort of a talking or is that a full action? You can try to intimidate this wolf. I don't want to, I don't want to use an action to do it, though. Yeah, you can, okay. I'm cool with free skill checks mostly throughout combat, unless it gets really involved. Yeah. Well, well, then Doran's going to be like, you're going to, you're in trouble now.

Oh, you don't know what you're in for. So he's trying to like, kind of intimidate him. a bit he sounds so intimidating too um i guess that's gonna be like a dad talking to a three year old it's like i i rolled a critical fail a one oh no you're gonna be uh you're somewhat you're i bet you're in trouble it makes you sound more appealing oh fuck it and then he just like steps forward and he just starts attacking he's like come here awesome so he lunges forward with an 18 to hit hey oh yes you do and that's gonna The 17 points of damage.

Okay. Kind of does like an attack and then a spinny attack? What? Spinny! I love it when you do those. The second one, he spins back the other way. Left-handed two, with a 28 to hit. Fuck yeah, you do.

Full damage, 20 points of damage. Nice. Excellent. Well done. And, and. And. And? And?

I'm going to use my action surge. Great X and more. I'm going to use my action surge to use one additional action, and that additional action is going to be combat superiority. Uh-huh. I was trying to warn you, but you're in trouble now. Kid him again, Red. I'm on it, buddy! So you're going to add a D-8 to whatever your damage is, Harlan.

Nois. Which one are you going to attack? The one in front of Doren, I assume. Watch a friend there. Doran's like convincing the wolf that really things are very dangerous. That is a natural 19. Nice. Whoa.

Beauty. That's 29 damage. Hell yeah. Whoa. Good job. And then Doren's going to use his last half a turn here for an attack on the one in front. Did you see that? Did you see that?

It hit your friend there. For a 26 to hit? Yes. Yes. Did he hit it with a rolled-up newspaper? Bad dog. Doing 15.000. Nicely done.

Beefy hit. Oh shit. Somehow this character is minus 115. Good. They're really, really dead. Take it on. That wolf is vaporized. Incredible.

That was the best axe hit you ever did. Maybe one day. Doren, you bury your axe in this thing's shoulder and it's slavering, rolling blood and saliva down its teeth, but it's still alive. Now are you still living? He says while staring this beast in the face. Apt question.

Wolf turn, top of the round. Let's deal with the wolf that's inside of the moonbeam first. Do you want to roll some damage from me, Mari? Well, the Constitution does it need to do a save? I got to make one. Yes. Here we go. 17.

That saves. So you're doing half. the damage. I'm rolling great tonight. You are rolling great tonight. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thanks for that observation.

I noticed. I noticed these things. How much damage? 12 damage. 12 damage. The creature then takes off running towards Red. Red, you see this creature

come through the trees at you. Yeah, you ain't gonna make it this far, pooch. He runs a hundred feet towards you. Yeah. He's a fast mofo. The other wolf that you just hit with an arrow red begins to

snuffle around the base of Mari's tree. It puts its front paws up on the base of the trunk. Oh shit. Back. And being unable to climb up after you, it exhales this cone of cold up at

you. Make a dexterity saving throw as you try to stay in the tree while also avoiding the creature's breath. I rolled a 19. Ooh, nicely done. Hooray, finally. Way to go.

I think I rolled something good. You take a meaty seven cold damage. Chile. Yes. And the final wolf taking a leaf from its brethren's playbook also exhales a similar cone. Doren and Jack. Both of you make dexterity saving throws.

Oh, 20. Hey! Way to go. I'll take it. And a 13 for me. Yeah, you both save. You each take nine cold damage. And I take half of that because I have resistance to cold damage from this funky ruin that I'm holding.

Listen to you. Yeah. You're fine. But I still got to roll a concentrate on invisibility. Her. Yeah. So you're concentrating. I mean, oh, my God.

I fucked that up. Six. Yeah, you fail your con save, right? Yeah, I do, yeah. Yeah, so you become visible. Yeah, I think Jack just gets covered in frost. That's the first time I've ever messed with your con, I think, your concentration. As the frost kind of melts off of him from his body, he's just visible again.

You're naked for some reason. Nope. Jack, wear your pants. You were wearing pants. pants when we started. Jack, you're not wearing pants? They are torn up and covered in snow because he did tumble down the rock and slip over when he was dashing towards Doran and tried to cover it up real good.

But other than scrape... Jack, did you reverse Hulk? Hulk is my favorite orc from one of my favorite plays. That's right. We'll have to watch that one sometime. It sounds great. If we survive this, but Jack, you really do need some pants. I got to get better ones for sure.

These ones are not winterproof. If it makes me better, Mari knows mending, so. Hey, there we are. That'll be a plus. Men just mend some pants. Not for your damaged psyche. That's right. It's all hanging out there.

What do you do, Jack Page? So I'm looking at wolves that are stupidly big that can breathe cold out of their mouth. If I ever heard of anything like this, do I know anything about them? Are they particularly vulnerable to anything? Have I ever heard any stories about them? Why don't you roll a history check for me? Searching all of the books I've ever read. Oh, my God, 14.

You've heard of giant wolves. You've heard of like winter wolves, but you don't know anything specific about them. You've never heard that they would breathe cold magic at you. All right. You know classically that wolves smell in here really great and that you shouldn't let multiples of them attack you at once. and that's all you got.

That tracks with what's going on here. Jack is going to sort of step, keeping a door in between him and the wolf that he's facing. He's going to peek around the other side to look over at the one climbing a tree, raise DeZan's wand, and blast it with a fire bolt. Great.

Roll the hit. Yeah. How do we like 13? Yep, that hits. Excellent. 12 fire damage washes over this thing as fire, you know, starts to singe the fur of it. Nice.

nicely done. Red. Your turn. Red sees this wolf running at him. He pulled as his bow taut and fires at the thing's foot. Yeah, it's barreling towards you. It's going to be a 17 to hit. You do. The arrow

pins its foot to the ground and stops it in its run towards me for a moment. It takes 22 damage. Eight of that is poison. And its speed is reduced by 10 feet. And it takes an additional 2D6 slashing damage the first time it moves on its turn.

Okay, keep me honest about that one. Yeah, brambles burst up from its paw as it's pinned to the ground and it lets out a howl. It's going to take damage if it tries to move right now, but it can use its action to remove the brambles with a strength check. Sure. Otherwise, they'll last for a minute. And then as this creature is pinned to the ground, howling in pain, I fire a fire. it again. So rude.

Hey, puppy, I have your dinner for you. And I fire at its open mouth as it looks up towards me. Huh? With a dirty 20. You hit. 17 damage. Nice. And I feel like it speaks back to you, Red.

Yeah? Through slavering, bloody jaws. It says, I will eat you. Hold on, just wait a second so I can fucking kill you. Mari, it's your turn. This wolf is just at the base of the tree ready to get you. Yeah, she's pulling her feet up. She's feeling real nervous and she's pretty aware that this thing,

even if I can't climb, it can definitely still fight back. Why is everything such a monstrosity? Why can't I use speak with animals just to be their friend? You're joined too late in the game. There's still going to be chances. Don't worry. But instead, fuck this one that's trying to eat my. boots and she locks eyes with it and casts guiding bolt 15 to hit you do

hey eyes this is like a romantic eye lock yeah it's really like it's a I give it a knowing glance and that glances if you don't stop trying to eat my feet I will blow up your eyeballs that's 19 damage oh you do blow up its eyeballs its whole brain blows up and and it falls to the ground absolutely dead. Nice. Well done, Mari. She crawls out of the tree and sort of scoots around it and feels a tiny, tiny pang of guilt.

Mm-hmm. Doran, your turn. I told you, you need to fear us. And Doran attacks this. Mm-hmm. We really don't have any good one-liners. No, we don't. We don't want to step on Mr. Freeze territory.

I'll give you something to howl at. Chill out. 28 to hit. and doing 18 damage. You bring it to its knees, Doran. It falls onto the snow in front of you, but it still has the fire of life in its eyes. Look, you're on your knees.

I don't even know where your knees are. And the legs, probably. Yeah, well, there's somewhere like that, but they bend backwards. It's really weird. I think that's actually the ankle. Exactly the same role. 28 to hit.

Mm-hmm. Yep. And I look at this beast in the eyes and I say, I've got to put you down. Oh. Yeller. During 18 points of damage. Is that canonical?

You kill it. You old howler. And he chops off the head of the wolf in front of him. Meanwhile, up north in front of red, this wolf pulls itself from its grasping lines that are attaching to the ground. Now, it takes damage. That's only five damage. So the wolf limps up to you, bloodied, and it's slavering with hunger. You see some kind of small intelligence burning in its eyes.

Small, real sweet. It leaps up at you and tries to snap at your legs. Ooh, 22 to hit you, Red. Yeah, that hits. Red, you take... It's just a little nibble. It'll be fine. Fucking minimum damage.

Red, you take six piercing damage. Oh. Make a strength saving throw. Oh, it's not good to fall out of a tree, though. Yeah, that ain't going to make it. Seven. Red. This wolf pulls you down out of the tree beside it. It lands heavily beside you, but it gets back up to its feet and growls as it stands over your body. Jack, it starts running towards the last wolf that he can see sort of over there. I think he maybe catches out of the corner of his eye and pull something out of a tree.

Jack. Known athlete Sprints He's doing his best. I can tell you that much. He's doing a Naruto run. Yeah, he's just on the outside edge of his firebolt and he waves the wand and tries to light this thing up before it gets its teeth anywhere closer to red. Firebolt! Firebolt!

Does it 22 hit? It does. Have 11 damage. I will take that damage Red you smell the singeing fur of this creature as it falls over dead on top

of you Reddy all right more than all right I had it and I push them off and I stand up why did you do that I was right where I wanted I was gonna pull out my little thing here

and hey where the hell is Vegas veranda peeks out from behind a tree close by you red looks scared to death and she says in a shaky voice you guys aren't fucking around

none of us have great one-liners tonight we tried our best thank you once again to our wonderful big train supporters Alexander artistic witch Brian Blass Brianna Weber, Michael Weber, Brain Marie, Christopher, Colin Burkart, creature, cytosine, Daniel, Elizabeth H, Glory, Doug, Kirsten Wolf, Haley, Heather Nichols, K.Rs, Lars, Lazzania, Leader J, Lorelei Feldman, Last Ruth on the left, Lost with Two Faces, Marimo, Melissa, Moss, Matilda Rushing, Matt Woodbury, Merlin, Michelle Kahn, Tamar Konatsa, Reagan, Reagan, Shadowhaven, Sky, Terra.

Tony Pepperone, Trapper 939, and Tyler Fowler. Thank you so much. That's a nice message from retrophonologist. Yeah. Really nice. And they sent me Gardettos. I still haven't had them. Hey, by the way, I've been meaning to mention to you guys

that the other day I tried a galette. Oh, there you are. How was it? It was good. I fucking hated it. It's the worst. Is it the terrible?

No. The like sweet dessert kind? I'm trying to think of where I was. Jack canonically likes galettes, by the way, Alex, for you being. Oh, okay. I was like waiting for a reference. I was like, I don't know what's happening. It was a Swedish savory one.

It was, it was, had sweet potato and stuff. Go cheese and apple. Yeah I think Go cheese and butternut squash or something like that That sounds delicious

Sweet potato or something Dom Bomb your boobon Shimmy or Randros Whoa bidang globe This is all staying in Don de list out Um

Just explode Just explode them now right Yeah.