Dice Shame - 2-35 | 'Every Nook and Cranny'

Episode Date: April 27, 2023

www.deviser.caImagine your best game of D&D. The shocks, the twists and turns, the moments that can’t be caught because you just had to be there. That’s Dice Shame.Join our DM Jo, her husband Harlan, their brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they experience those unmissable, gut-wrenching, heart-aching, joy-filled moments.This legendary AP releases a brand new episode every Thursday morning at 1:20 am!Content Warning: swearing, violence, animal death.Part of the Rusty Quill Network Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Holy shit, you killed that thing. This feels like a dream. Welcome back, Doren. Thank you. I'm not even sure where to start with this place. Jack, don't you have Mage Hand? Like, I've seen you use it. Furious Dragon freaked me out.

Quit drinking those potions, Red. She looks amazing. I don't want to presume. We'll just pile them all here. Oh, that thing, cool, you know. I'm guessing something has to weigh this down. Let them have it, Jack. I want to make sure you're picturing the same kind of weights I am.

You guys are just stealing stuff from each other. It's just a circle. Children, all of you Welcome back to This is season 2, episode 35, every nook and cranny MVP this week is Faye, a.k.a. Nerd Fairy, who's been live blogging their listen on our Discord. Faye's pretty much all caught up and would die for rats' new red friends. Stevie. You and me both, Faye. And I promise nothing will ever, ever happen to him.

It better not. Devizer is a new limited series I've created that releases everywhere May 1st. It's a sci-fi horror audio drama that is sure to be a blast for fans of sinister space tales. You can subscribe now at divisor.ca or check everywhere May 1st for all seven episodes. You won't want to miss this one. All right. Should we play some D&D? Let's do it. I feel like there's two groups of people There's a group of people that will clap like this

And keep their hands shut Then there's the group of people That will clap like this And take their hands away Well, everyone takes their hand away It just depends on how long after the thought I clapped 20 years ago And I'm not separating my hands

At what point is it like a together clap Or an away clap Because I did that I mean You can say my hands. Together clap's just praying. Which one are you, Alex? Are you a together clapper or an away clapper?

I'm a together clapper. It's staying together for a while. I'm also. I think Rob, you did it pull away. This is like when someone asks you, like, what foot do you lead with? And you're like, I don't know anymore. Now that you ask me, it's impossible to say. I'm very aware of all the processes your body's doing.

Me? I love blinking. Oh, my God. You ever thought about breathing? Digest much? Don't think of your tongue being in your mouth. Oh, no. Now you're aware of that.

How would you mention that? I mean, pumping around you. Yeah, to me, if you pull your hand off quick because you're going to be clapping again, then you're just applauding, basically, aren't you? Well, I guess, yeah, so maybe at the beginning, we should be saying, okay, do everybody do one applaud.

Everyone do a really slow applause, but only twice. Trying to be inclusive here, so you can either do a single applaud or a clap. Whatever you're most comfortable with. What about a one hand clap? Okay, everyone. Lease, it's this. I can only do lots of them.

I got nothing. Yeah, you can't. It's like, it's like when you get tongs. You have to check them, make sure they click. I'm copying. You have to like, you have to like scoop, Rob. You got a meaty palm. Fuck yeah, I do.

You know what that means? I got a big ego. I have their little cartilage in my hands. You've been known to punch. Oh my God. Seriously. I mean, I think the best applause is the, the, there's a video where somebody she got the audience rather than applauding to just click their teeth together. Just, ew.

And when you have an auditorium of people, doing that it is upsetting that that is a lot of mouth sounds interesting apparently your teeth shouldn't touch each other unless you're actively chewing that's correct like ever yeah well yeah every time your teeth touch each other they like lose a little bit of tooth juice well that's okay go to the petro canada and just fill up more tooth juice they just need a long rest well i mean if you look at old people teeth there are if you look at old people teeth there are if you look at old people teeth. Hold on. Who's old people teeth? Any of them. We're all old, but define

old now, like old fuckers? Like 80s. Like 90s. Their teeth are going or gone and that's why. They're going. They're going. They're out of here. They used up all their tooth teeth. Oh, the incisor is coming up in the past lane. Tooth make it feel like it's a gusher and like if you like pop a toothout, it's just full of like blue

raspberry. Your aren't? Oh, and the fang takes the lead in the outside. Well, no, I think mine are watermelon. I can't tell, though. Oh, watermelon. There's like a image, like a gift and a computer-created image of, like, a brush, brushing soft teeth and the bristles are hard. You were seeing that.

It's really funny. Yeah, it's like, there's a whole bunch of gifts that are like kind of reversed expectation where they're really common things. And this just, yeah, this bristle comes in and the bristles don't move, but the teeth just kind of like softly squish with each bristle move. Well, this is like the, um, that's a, The question of, would you rather have hair where your teeth are or teeth where your hair is? Teeth hair.

Wait, sorry. I'd rather have your teeth. Yeah, hair where your teeth is or teeth where your hair are. Except that I was like, I was like, what, how much hair are we talking about? Yeah, like it was just like top of your head. It's like, click, click, click, click, click. Or like, like, oh, my eyelashes teeth now. I'm with Alex Guthrie here.

I want a lovely mane of teeth. Yeah. And other teeth in my mouth. Chuck, you think my mustache is impressive? Check this out. But you're Baleen? All of it feels weird because of what we got right now. But like, you know, whales got hair teeth, basically, don't they?

They're really stiff. How would you eat a fucking hamburger through your weird hair teeth? Yeah, but our food would be different. We wouldn't have. No, it's not we. It's you. I will not have hair teeth. Just one person.

That's right. Well, then I can't imagine anyone who would take hair teeth because you'd basically be cutting out. you know like you know hair on the top or teeth on top of your head it's like yeah whatever you just kind of look weird it could look awesome you could just buzz the hair teeth down and then get a pair of dentures oh but then what's the point you just you're just doing if their hair teeth they got to be the whole way like enamel all of those nerves in there all that shit like it's got to be just horrible then do you eat with your skull like your brain your head you're like

think so I'm just chewing with your head I'm gonna bite you motherfucker head butt I mean that's kind of already

what those Perilosolophilus is that the one that has the bone head like there's a bunch of them Pacocephylosaurus Pacocephalosaurus that one is one too

but I was thinking of the one with the but you're right that's probably more apt yeah they got like a big tooth on the top of their head more or less right it's bone

narwhals have got a big little teeth got a big old teeth got a big old Drafts are weird, unrelated, but I mean, they are. Yeah, Pachiosephalosaurus.

That's the one that... Oh, yeah, that's where they get syphilis from. That's where you get syphilis from. Packer cephalosaurus is the one that thick-headed. It's just a headbutton and boom, STD here. I was going to say those koalas, but koalas give you chlamydia. Yeah.

It's true. Koalimidia. I know that first hand. I just showed on the radio this morning. Did you know that koalas have a similar fingerprints to us? Yes. Yeah. Did you know koalas are actively trying to try and

replace us good you know they called drop bears in Australia no that's something different no these are

now yeah the drop bears they're like big quaws that drop from the long claws I want to go to the zoo

with Alex and have him explain everything yeah see that that's a fucking thing wild yeah I'm fucking that's not a bat

that's a flying rat mammal actually that's pretty that one's that's what a bat is Pretty good. No, that's not a bat. It's a flying rat mammal with wings.

That's leathery. That's not a lizard. That's a snake with legs. That's one of those leggy snakes. Speaking of weird creatures. Speaking of leggy snakes. Should we play some Dungeons and Dragons? Yeah, let's do it.

Yeah. Yeah. Hooray. Let's do it. Moments ago, you were being menaced by a monstrous mechanical creature, fiercely breathing lightning and locked in combat with the giant pincers of Doran as a giant crab. Now defeated, it lies still on the floor of the workshop.

You hear footsteps echo through the halls as veranda returns from her mission to help out with the creature. Did it work? Is everyone okay? Yeah, we're all right. Holy shit, you killed that thing. Yeah, well, you know. Certainly deactivated it. Yeah.

And also, Doran's a giant crab. case she didn't realize it. Doran like stands towering over you guys, beady eyes and just snipping his snippers as if he's giving you knowing glances. Knowing snips. Knowing click clicks. There's so much clear now that the eyes are so much bigger,

you can really get all of the nuance in the whole eyeball. I think it's time we turn Doran back. Mari just sort of pinched herself in the arm. No. You can just choose. She just choose to break concentration. You don't have to hurt yourself. She's never made anything this big.

So it's mostly just like, am I? This feels like a dream. The idea that she gets stuck concentrating on it is really good. A moment for her of like cosmic horror. Ooh. This show needs more cosmic horror. I'm into it. What have I done?

Doren, the massive giant fighting crab is her first journey into that. Welcome back, Doren. Oh, thank you. Oh, I'm still sort of crabby. Yeah. Oh, Red. I think destroying those crystals up North helped. I hope they didn't power anything else, though.

I ended up kind of breaking all of them. You might want to take a look, Jack. Yeah, I mean, we'll have to get there. I'm not even sure where to start with this place. Yeah. Well, I want to look at this thing, and Red walks over to the thing we just defeated. It kind of kicks the metal shell of it. What the hell is this?

It's huge. It's big enough that you can, like, climb on top of it. And Red does. Wee! Yeah, I mean, it's got these interlocking plates of metal that cover it on all sides from what you can tell. It has 12 limbs that, until very recently propelled it along the floor and a terrifying, gaping, toothy mouth. The teeth, of course, are also made of metal.

This machine, it was powered by whatever the hell was in that room up there. That's nuts. Yeah. I'm going to go walk up to that room. Yeah, go take a look. It's pretty cool. Doran sort of limps over to a stool at a workbench over here and takes a seat to catch his breath. How many hip points do you have, Doran?

Oh, yeah. Do you want me to heal you, Doran? I can do cure wounds for the time being. I still have some spell slots. Red walks over and puts a hand on you. Oh, body. It's all right. You took one for the team.

And I'm going to cast Cure Wounds at a level two. Red, that... Your hands are so warm. Mm-hmm. That beast. Was it magic? Or was it mechanical? 2D8 plus...

Do I roll it? You can't if you'd like. Or are you rolling it? Well, why don't you roll 1D8? And I'll row 1D8, and we can meet in the middle and kiss. Heal together. I rolled a 2. What if we kiss under the 2D8s?

I rolled a 5. Just kidding. It's a... It's a... The eight to date. Aw. Weird. Anyway, yeah, Red heals you a little bit.

Cool. Wub, wub, wub, wub, wub. Healing achieved. Mari, you head up north into one of these auxiliary power station rooms, and you see what Red saw earlier, except without all of the ball lightning chaining around the room. And the floor is littered in shards of lovely crystal. Apart from that. She picks up a piece of the crystal.

Cool. I just want to take a look at. at it and pockets it. It's teal. It looks like, I don't know, probably not valuable so much as useful, I guess. I mean, you could mill it down and make jewelry out of it if you felt like it. I mean, you can roll a nature check if you wanted to, like, figure out what kind of crystal it is, but... I'm going to just to see what happens.

Great. Let's do it. It's ice crystal. Random gemstone generator. Here we go. I'll roll an eight, so. Great. You think it's a sapphire. Sweet.

Yeah, she just pockets it because it looks pretty and it's just a nice little piece of rock. Why not? I mean, on that note, Red is just like going from table to table and taking the coolest things from everything in this room. It's like a workshop littered with like cool trinkets. Just cool trinkets, yeah. Absolutely. Like Jack's imagination is captured by these flying machines that are in here just to try and compare them to the one we were on a while ago and figure, see if we can figure out how they work.

I've got the flying machine. Definitely not propelled by a balloon made of dragon hide. These are more mechanical in nature. You could almost picture a small gnome hopping into one of them and peddling it, like what we kind of know as like a bicycle. Oh, interesting. Yeah, the wings, though, seem like they would move up and down. Yeah, nothing else.

of a size that looks like it would fit all of us anyways, is what I'm... Unfortunately not. How convenient would that be, though? And no way to get it out of here also, strangely enough. That's weird. They built it in here. Can I do it like a roll...

Well, now... I haven't written anything super cool to exist in this room. So we can figure it out later. Yeah, I mean, it's like a cool workshop room. There's like a bunch of glass wearing shit, but... Now later on, we can be like sitting around the campfire and you can say, wow, look what I found there. I have 50 different nomish inventions.

This one turns you blue. What happens if we use it on Maori? Quit drinking those potions, Red. I'm going to be really upset that I didn't specify exact. No, I love the idea that like there's an old Abbott and Costello, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and they break into his lab and they drink something and Abbott turns into a mouse. But then when they go back, he's like converted to a wine cellar and they're convinced that the wine is turning them into, like he's must have hidden the potions and bottles, but they're just getting drunk. Yeah.

He's like, I'm drinking and you. you're turning into a mouse. And I love the idea that Red like steals all these concoctions that are just like alcohol. And he's like, I think this one's turning you whole blue, but he's just getting fucked up. He's like, I said 46 hammers. All of them are too small for any of us to use. I think we learned, or at least I did a couple of rooms ago, don't drink the weird booze that's been down here for centuries. Yeah.

Red and Doran didn't learn that lesson. Red definitely has it. Softcasters. Red hasn't learned that lesson the whole campaign. And I don't think it's now is the time to start. That's for sure. Exactly. He'll take those berries. So, yeah, Red picks up interesting trinkets from every table and puts them in the bag of holding.

And this one, and that one, and this one. It's like your grocery shopping on an empty stomach. Shiny. Ooh. So much ice cream. Dorin is sort of now walking around the room looking for any potential of an exit, you know. Doren, for sure. You see that there seems to be an exit from this room, at least, that you haven't explored.

Lord, a passage that leads to the east. Looks like just a dark corridor. Doran sort of pokes his head down the corridor just slightly and sniffs the air. And he says, hey, when we're ready to leave, this might be our exit. Oh, good, good find. Yeah. Smells like an exit. Does it smell like fresh air?

You know, I never thought I'd actually look forward to getting above ground. I mean, I am. I'm ready to go. I'm not actually. I'm really enjoying this crazy workshop full of weird trinkets. I'm surprised at both of you. This is the coolest place we've been in so long. Yeah, I mean, Jack's really torn scanning for any like notes, anybody wrote down about what they were doing here or working on or anything underneath all of the tables or things just to try and, but he's also kind of following Red around just to see what he grabs just to know in his head like, oh, that thing, cool, you know. Red uses, like, slide of hand to, like, piss off Jack just to eat once or twice, just to be like, oh, pick up that he, like, picks it up, goes to put it in the bag, puts it back, slides into his other hand, puts it back on the table, slides it back, and puts it in the back, just to be like, like, huh? Is it has also been the odd thing floating out with mage hand out of the bag for Jack to examine, turn around once, and then try and sneak back in, but not hide it at all, because that's really not his case.

Yeah, Murray comes over and just slight of, because I also have, I also have proficiency on sleight of hand, and it just takes it out of the mage hand. You shysty fuck. You guys are just stealing stuff from each other. It's just a circle. Children, all of you. It's all going in the bag of holding. There's enough gnomish shit for all of you. Exactly.

Christmas morning. Well, if there's any leather workers' tool, I'd like them. Doran sort of wanders back towards the hall that we came in. Hey, did we, um, investigate all the rooms back here? I mean, we're here already at this, um, zister vuffle or whatever it's called. Zibbleboof. Zos and boffle. Oh, thanks.

Jynute. You know it, Jack, on the top of your head. Bless you. Locked in. What do you think? Well, he has the note on him. Yeah, let's go take a look. I'm right behind you.

I didn't see one. Yeah, let's head back. Sure, we've cleared the place of monsters. Yeah, Red will follow, Doran and Jack, to whatever room we must have missed. Yeah, there's one room back down the corridor just to the north that you still have not yet explored. There's just a simple door that stands between you and the mystery. All right. Everything is.

led us to this moment. Everyone ready those spells. Get ready, Jack. Cast fireball the minute it opens and Red steps forward and swings the door open wide. To reveal Please be a broom closet. Please be a room closet. Yeah, that's what I was just

what to say. A room that is empty, apart from a chest in the very center illuminated, almost like a spotlight, by an orb of pure white light hovering in mid-air. No.

Beside the metal chest, a pile of scorched bones. Do you, don't touch that. Red turns of the rat on his shoulder. Any boom-booms in there, buddy? Stevie licks your face, just like tiny, sweet little rat kiss, and then shakes his head.

Thanks, buddy. Any boom-booms on my shoulder? He looks for rat droppings on his shoulder. Nope. Now we're good. Who wants to try opening it? So it's just glowing? Yeah.

Well, but it's the, the corpse is really a big clue here, I think, to me. Yeah. It looks very much like the orbs that were just pulsing and following you in the other room, except this one's not following you. It's just hovering. All right. Well, Doran is not very strong right now. So maybe Doran shouldn't be the one to try this.

But I can try if we want to take a crack at it. But think about what could be in there, Red. What? How could you live with yourself if we walked away? You've almost got to. You do realize that if I die, you've basically egged me on to open this thing when you have mage hand. Yeah, I was about to say, Jack, like, I've seen you use it. But, yeah, sure, let's, uh, let's egg me on to see what happens.

And Red Lake walks forward, looking back at Jack. What if I just hit it with my staff? Hit it with your staff? Yeah, I have a, I have a big stick. Like you're playing fucking T-ball? Yeah, how many people are following you? Employees, I mean, it's very... I have, you haven't noticed my whole entourage behind me?

About a half dozen. There's, yeah, there's the, Marry. That's why my hair looks so good. Cappuccino, Marry? She looks amazing. That's why her armor underneath the coat is so well, like, kept. It's just, the coat's been retailered every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So this ball is just floating above the chest. Yeah, very much. And does it look like the chest opens on the front as a standard looking chest? Correct. Red looks around the room. I'll just do an investigation just to see if there's any, like, switches hidden, or buttons or anything fun like that. Sounds great. That's a 19 plus stuff.

Number three. So it's 22. The bones are goblin bones. Ha. I mean, sorry, Dora. That's all you. Hey, listen, while you all were fighting that thing, I was the one with the smarts who went north and powered the thing down. Hey, I wonder if this has power as well.

Those balls stopped flying out when I power down the machine. Perhaps we've already deactivated it by doing what I did in the other room. Well, that's what I was thinking. too, I mean. Red heads out of the room. All right, try it, Jack. From sort of a safe place around the door jam, Jack uses his mage hand to reach over and tries to open the chest. First, I think he tries to push the ball away just to see what happens. And then based on that, he'll try and open the chest. It high fives you back. Yeah. Hot damn. The ball doesn't move when you try to push on it. Is it physically real there and the hand

like stops and touches it or is it go through as if it's not there? It goes through it. It goes through it like it doesn't affect whatever the ball is. Fair enough. And then he opens the chest with the hand. Mage hand opens the chest. And as it opens, the electric ball discharges an electric shock around the room that reverberates and maybe catches some of their dry bones on fire just lightly. And then the light and the energy recedes into a small point that hovers a

above the chest, almost like it's kind of recharging. Whoa. Great call, Jack. As Red's idea. Red runs in. Red. I'm feeling like it's a time thing. Looking down into the box, you see something that is strangely familiar.

In the chest, four smaller boxes, each between six and ten inches to a side. Shit. It's the other, it's the devil's play thing. What's it called? Infernal puzzle boxes. That's it. That's right. There are four of them in here.

Red grabs all four of them and you run the back out of the room. One, two, three, four. Huh. And Red walks out of the room like almost morose and he locks eyes with you, Jack. There's a knowing look, but it's that glow in our eyes from where we screwed up the last ball as you leave. Just that like greedy look between us. Four of them, he says, almost without description. We're going to be so much better at it this time.

It won't get us. Yeah, we're going to be great at it this time. We've got this. It's absolutely not what's in the box that's exciting. I think it's the challenge of solving them and maybe that like shared excitement. Deal. I'll take what's in them. You help me solve them.

Agreed. For what? Doran turns to Mari and he says, you see, we found one of these boxes a few months ago. And, you know, it's kind of scary because it seemed to drive them near madness when they tried to open it. No, it didn't. And so, and so we're taking four of them, why? Well, because they had this inside, and red reaches in and pulls out the wooden coin.

The thing that's eluded us, end is very, very valuable. I'd be shocked if there was one of those in one of these four boxes. I don't think there will be. But I don't think so. The kinds of things you secure in these boxes are going to be so interesting to know what was so valuable to these people. Absolutely. It's basically like a safe inside of a self-destructing bomb. Yeah, I got four of them.

Hot damn. Not only are these infernal puzzle boxes very, very deadly to those who try to open them incorrectly, but they were also guarded behind something that was very, very deadly, which to me says these are even more valuable and I'm even more excited. But don't worry. Well, there's four of them and there's four of us, so. Oh, I don't know if you'd want to risk this. This damage dusts like ever, forever.

But we can definitely do it if you want. But it this way, Jack and I both had to open one at the same time to share the load. Share the load Share the load Share the load All right Well let's get the hell out of here We got everything we need

Red Pat's the bag of holding There's a way back to the surface Let's find it Yeah Cool Come on Zach Who Furious dragon

Freaked me out Oh yeah blow that thing again Don't do that No no no no I'm not doing that A corridor Leads east out of the workshop And ends at a room

With a large metal door On either side of the door, carved into the stone wall, two concave shelves host a ton of strange bottle and flask-shaped items of all sizes. Beside the door, two short pillars are topped with a flat plate with a raised lip. The floor in front of the door is a different color of stone than the surrounding corridor. It encompasses the area with the concave shelves and pillars. it seems like a puzzle Red walks over to a table slides all the stuff to one side

and lies down I'm done with puzzles good luck it does seem kind of strange let them have it Jack oh I mean I was okay I killed a creature you do the puzzles that's how it works

well did it look like any of the pieces move like the floors or the shell are we are we thinking there is a certain amount of weight that would go in each of these that would open the door then and it's probably some because they're all vessels ready to hold something

right? Something like that. Okay. Yeah. Doren, walk on a patrol and make sure no one ambushes us. Yeah, okay. And Duren walks away sort of mending his wounds a little bit. When we say a shelf full

of items of all sizes and stuff, any particular kinds of things, does it look like knickknacks people might have put out of their pocket as an offering as they were walking by. Do they have a theme in any way? No, they're all like similar construction. They're all shaped like bottles or flasks from where you guys are standing. That's all you kind of get.

But they're all like made of the same kinds of materials it looks like from where you're standing. They're all just different sizes. Red, as Mari and Jack are. busy sort of examining this puzzle. Yeah, I'm like lying, like, in the middle of the room on the table, just sort of relaxing for a moment. And Doran's gone on a brief patrol. Veranda sort of sidles up to you, Red. Oh, hi, you?

Thanks for running up to the lift. I tried my best. It was in the moment. Hey, why didn't you help us fight? I'm not good at that kind of thing. Eh. What do you mean? Well, I mean, you caught that rabbit, didn't you?

You let me win, didn't you? You're being clever. You know what I did. Of course I know what you did. Red says, catching up. He's just been through a fight and, like, we've spent an hour down here and he's, like, remembering, we might even slept since then. But, yeah, now he's like, oh, yeah, she's sprinkled some shit in front of the, bunny hole and then she stabbed it right but i didn't i didn't see what it was but red will see i know

what you did listen i'll get out of your hair as soon as i can whenever we get out of this place i'll leave in the night just don't follow me and i'll go my own way i think that's probably for the best and i'll i'll keep your secret safe red looks towards like jack's back and marie's back she doesn't betray any emotion she just turns around and goes to see what marie and jack are up to thinking to herself fuck i said too much now he knows and red being like fuck i said too much well and also red would know about the dreams thing because marie told him yeah that veranda has these dreams but i but what she thinks i saw of her i don't think would equate to the dreams you know what And at this point, it's more likely that the cat would have told her that she spoke to you about the dreams.

I don't think she speaks to the cat. She doesn't speak to the cat. Well, we haven't seen her speak to the cat. We also didn't see her hunt the rabbit. If she could speak to the cat, it sounds like the cat would probably not have had to say the weird shit it said about, like, what do you wish you could tell the, oh, the dreams are okay? Like, that whole thing would have had a different tone if they could, unless the cat is super duplicitous. The cat's intelligent is higher than everybody in the party, except. for Jack, I guess, right?

Those tressoms are super fucking smart. If they were duplicitous, they'd be good at it. Way smarter than minus one intelligence. Way smarter than Mari and I and Doran. So how do you want to tackle this, Mari? What do you think? Well, she goes over and looks at these items. Are they, the items that are there?

Are they glass, or they rock, or they metal? Like, what are they? How close do you get? She's standing right in front of them. Cool. So you step out onto this differently colored piece of rock basically and as you step onto it you feel it move in the floor oh all right uh yeah jack this this one moves it's moved down like it sort of shifts okay yep these these move down and i don't know

if that is going to cause anything else to it but i'm assuming and there's the that low pillar i'm guessing it's flat on the top it is i'm guessing something has to weigh this down and then that would do something well we've got this whole set of weights and measures and things over on the wall why don't we try a few of them and jack carefully steps onto the plate as well or the piece of the floor that yeah with your combined weight the floor sinks just a little bit lower and you hear like a low ticking sound like as it kind of adjusts uh the objects on the wall are all of a color. They appear now that you're close enough to check them out. They're metal. Are they in convenient ratios? Is there like a clear one, two, half, whatever? Like, are they a size

of like weights and measures you'd find on a scale or something? Yeah. Yeah. All right. They are disorganized in terms of how they've been stored. Yeah. But they're a variety of sizes. I don't know who put this away and Jack immediately starts organizing them just to make his brain feel better until he can sort of try, find the one he thinks he's like one and put that on the one side of the balance. Maris put them upright, but she hasn't organized them. So they're just, they're, yeah, they're just, they're not, they're just not scattered now. Doran comes back in from his patrol. And he sees you guys sort of beginning to struggle with these, not really struggled per se, but move these weights around. And Doran jumps in and very readily.

I want to make sure you're picturing like the same kind of weights I am, because I'm picturing like a desktop scale weights it's not like they're you know but they're big beefy some of them are like the size of a large vase okay like there are some big guys sure he boys yeah what's a large vase how would the how large is a large vase they probably have magics red screams from across the room that's a good point murray picks up sort of a mid mid mid middling sized one jack do you have do you have the same one as this we must be able to find one given the weight of them Do I imagine it's intended to be, like, one for one, the weight of the people on this versus the weight of the people on the scale, or is there some kind of ratio between that that we're... You could imagine something like that.

Okay. I think Red walks back over with, like, almost like a bit of a nervous look in him. Like, he's just like, looking over his shoulder. He's just like, yeah, yeah, anyway, you guys figuring this out? We're getting there. And Doran's, like, picking up multiple weights and bringing them over to the part that you're standing on. I'm like, we'll just pile them all here. No, no, hold on.

Hold on. I think I've got it. And I think in my mind, I've picked out the weights, I think, might add up to somewhere around what Mari might balance to and start moving them over to the one of the pillars. Hmm. Okay. So essentially, if I'm getting this correctly, Mari is standing in the center on this weighted platform. Yeah. Jack, you are finding weights that you would imagine would add up to Mari's weight.

And where are you placing them? if we've done the math right this this might balance with you and so it's just a question of one of these is up probably one of these is down probably do you want to what's your best guess well we'll put things on the left one and see what happens oh right we balance you the door opens okay yeah yeah i'm with it now for some reason i was still thinking elevator but this is just one side of a scale okay yeah yeah yeah we so it needs to yeah i think balance yeah yeah yeah perfect okay easy jack steps off it Mari, why don't you try heaving those on one side or the other and see what happens. I feel like there's a joke where like Jack's putting weight on to balance Mary's weight.

Mary's just like raising an eyebrow with every like added weight. I don't want to presume. The crab armor. It might be more. It's the armor. This lightweight armor? I'm retaining water, okay? So I guess Doran would help kind of place weights on the other side than with Jack.

Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So the floor begin to raise up underneath your feet with every additional weight that is placed on these pillars as Jack and Doran labor to figure out exactly how many grams and kilograms you are. Red's kind of sitting on the table with a toothpick and he's going, ah, what is going to take you so long, guys? I don't even play this game. That was uncanny.

Whoa, I also got a very Bugs Bunny vibe from that. I think the two became a carrot in a way. No, I think Red is helping. Like, he's just, he's there, but he's just moving stuff. Yeah. And once the plate that Mari is standing on reaches equilibrium with the columns, the door opens. Equilibrium. Thank you once again to our wonderful Patreon supporters

Alexander, Amanda Kitchener, Anne, Braden, Brian Blass, Brianna Weber, Michael Weber, Brin Marie, Cecil Lee Wilson, Colin Burkhat, Cherry Rose, cytosine, Daniel, Haley, Harpo the Marks, Jay, J, J, D, Joy, K-R, KM, Kade, Lasagna, Last Ruth on the left, lead, Mari Kineski, Matilda Rushing, Melissa, Mellon, Nimble Dingo, Reagan, Wren, Roberta, S Ray 96, Tama, Tara, Trapper 939, Zander, and Zach. Oh, thank you so much. Share the load. Oh, yeah. Share a load with me, Jack.

Well, Doran's in the cuck chair. discharging his spells Did you all listen to that? Yes It was good You know the scary thing is Alix fucking calls him Zach at one time That's what I thought

I was gonna ask you about that If I said Zach or Jack Yeah I was Zach Gluck glug glug gluck Hey Zach Zach The issue of Harlan Is that you and I sound so much alike

You In the somethings Not in the bloopers I'm like Who said that? No one else felt that way, I promise you. I think so. Who said that?

Our humors are very different too. Because you're the one that's like, come. And I'm usually like deadshund. And you're like, I also said come, but it is a pun. No, I think it was you. I think it was you said all those terrible things. Oh, I see what you're saying. You're saying that the bad ones were me.

Yeah, we sound so similar, Alex, you're right. Who knew who made the jokes? Who knew who made the jokes? It's just really nobody's responsible and yet. I'm totally kidding