Dice Shame - 2-37 | 'Baby on Board'

Episode Date: May 11, 2023

Imagine your best game of D&D. The shocks, the twists and turns, the moments that can’t be caught because you just had to be there. That’s Dice Shame.Join our DM Jo, her husband Harlan, their brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they experience those unmissable, gut-wrenching, heart-aching, joy-filled moments.This legendary AP releases a brand new episode every Thursday morning at 1:20 am!Content Warning: swearing, violence.Part of the Rusty Quill Network Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Listen, after a day like today, they could be as bludgeoned as possible. The enemy of my enemy is my friend. What was that about? He's fine, he's fine. He was not a right, I mean, honestly. He's married. So, I guess all of this to say. There's like the ash of all those people you blew up.

Listen, I'm well equipped for a map fight. Well, that's not a right. Well, good to keep her eyes peel, eh? Snitches get stitches. When an adventuring group can accomplish. That's a secret. I always felt like I needed to have things written. All the books here are made out of gnome's skin.

Maybe a group of able to. Did you hear him when he... Doran, Doran, you've been sleeping, my friend. We don't want to do his plan then, Doran? Oh. MVP, this week is Katie Marsh from our Facebook group. Katie joined us back in December and had lots of lovely things to say about the show. Thank you.

so much, Katie. Thanks, Katie. Hope you're still listening. Come walk between the Black Pines. Hello from the Hallow Woods is an award-winning queer horror podcast by our friend William A. Wellman. A cosmic narrator follows the increasingly connected residents of the forest at the end of the world. It's a bittersweet story that explores queer identity, horror genre tropes, and finding hope in humanity's last moments. Please check it out if you love podcasts and support our friend William, who is soon to be writing a new book. Sign up for their newsletter so you can find out when it's out and enjoy. All right.

Shall we do this? Yeah, let's do it. All right. How's it going, guys? Good. Great. How are you? Listen to how energetic you are.

Wow. Yeah. Really turned a corner there. Dice shame evening, you know? Dice shame. It's Dice shame re-evening. The re-eening. Cancelled and then it got moved and now it's here again.

Yeah. Ah, yes. Dishame the re-evening. The re-revening. The re-evening. But I'm doing good. How's everybody else doing? Good.

Oh, I'm good. I'm good. I guess am I everybody else then, too? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Diobot, how are you doing? Pretty good. Do you call Deobot?

Deobot. Beeport. I kind of ruled the L. Booting up. And Joe, how are you doing? Me? Yeah, I was just supposed to say out of the Guthrie's. I am pregnant, so.

You are? What? Wow. Get that. Are you kidding? Congratulations. Excellent. Oh, my God.

Congrats. Thank you. I love how I'm hearing this for the first time. Yeah. She's like, so I mentioned the intro, I'm like, that'd be kind of funny. How funny would it be to do it when we're recording just in case? Oh, my gosh. That's wild.

In case the reactions were excellent. Yeah. I can make them better in post. I can tighten them up in post. I've been sailing. Whoa! Natural 20. Holy shit.

You're pregnant. Oh, wow. That's great. I feel like, I feel like, I don't know. That's something you don't really joke about, but maybe she's joking. No. No.

She preggers. But, yeah, we're really excited. Mm-hmm. Woo. Current due date is October 13th. Which is a Friday. Spooky baby. We're hoping for a spooky Friday the 13th.

Yes. And of course, Henry knows because he had to know. Yeah. And he's been like fucking going off the walls with the names. Oh. He's got so many. So it's like top five. What are the best ones he's?

Okay, well, he's already decided. As a boy, it's going to be called sausage. Perfect. No notes. And if it's a girl, it's going to be twinkletoes. So there you go. Those are his two names. Sausage.

Unmoving. Sorted. It's figured out. Sausage makes sense. Twinkle toes. Could you imagine sausage as a middle name, like Brian sausage guthrie or something? It's pretty good. Yes.

I can and I want it. I knew a guy, and maybe he used to listen to this. He used to be a big fan of Invictus and he used to work nights. And I wonder maybe Alex, if you remember. him but he was a uh a british guy who worked nights named richard brown brown yeah always thought man this guy should make gravy this is rich brown gravy oh that's good that's the best gravy you can get in town rich brown or rich brown I was I was I was like my favorite name was my dad was at something and there was like a list of speakers or

something and he's looking through and there's one guy and he sees the name and he goes brain brain what kind of name is brain brain and the man's name was Brian brain Oh, no. Why would you do that? That's all I hear in my head is brain brain brain. Brain brain. Brain brain. What kind of name is brain brain brain? We will be taking name suggestions. From patrons.

Coggobbler 69. No scope 420X underscore. Did I tell you what Liam said about his new nephew? No. So my sister-in-law and brother-in-law have a new maybe boy, Nicholas and Liam I go to school he's like I wanted me call Rocky I'm gonna call him Rocky so then whatever I'm like yeah whatever kid okay so I'm picking him up I'm picking up from school and the teacher's like hey by the way did your uh did your sister and brother-in-law

call their new baby Rocky? I'm like no is that what Liam told you she's like he's got he's got in his head he's going to call the kid Rocky yeah that's awesome I mean, it's good to come in with a nickname, like, in the barrel, ready to go. Yeah. My brother called our family dog, Goro, for like a year and a half. Because it has four arms. It's not the dog's name. What was the dog's name?

Keegan. What? Oh, yeah, Keegan, yeah. Well, it's Goro. Yeah, he was just like, well, that's not my dog's name. But here's the dog. Did the dog come to Goro? No, the dog didn't really care about Devin and I.

He was really my dad's dog. Yeah, that's fair. Because we're kids. Kids aren't as awesome as. The dog is like, I will defend that child. He calls him by my real name. Goro. Prince Goro.

We are connected on the ethereal plane. It's like that Farside comic. Is it Farside? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They call me Zog. Yeah. Far side is deep in, every year I get, I have one of these on my desk.

I'm a Farside fanatic. What's today's Farside comic? Oh, it's a couple sitting outside and the dog's got some T&T. He's going to Harold, the dog's got T&T again. or something like that. That's great. He's trying to blow up the house again. Catch him in the actor.

He'll never learn. It's funny. I mean, I've seen these so many times. There was like a 50-50 shot that if you just, if I just saw a panel, I could, I have a pretty good guess at what the caption is.

We used to do that actually. Yeah, just for fun. I was like, I know. Harlan, we talk on the phone every morning when I'm on my break. And Harlan used to read me the,

he would call it the Larson LARF. Lark. Lark. Lark, whatever. And he would describe the comic to me and then read me the caption and I would have to picture it in my head and then he would send me the picture later but like to see how close it was and then it's like it's really good until you get to cow tools and then it's just pain there's new ones coming out now right yeah he

actually he it's so funny because someone tweeted the other day diddrich bader actually the actor tweeted god i really hope gary larsen doesn't come out of this piece of shit and i saw it immediately and retweet because i was like oh my god please because everything because i remember reading all the forwards you know he's got one from jane goodall one from steven king and they also and his own forward that he talks about his brother hitting him with the fish and all that kind of stuff and i always thought here's a dude who loves nature who sees the weird kind of humor in life and it seems so wholesome anyway shall we play some d and d let's do it let's do it woo woo hey driven deep into the gray peak mountains by the ancient machinery of zozhenbafel you are dumped out into a

pine forested valley. A half-hour's travel takes you to the edge of some new civilization, a walled city in the shadows of the steep mountain range that arc up into the sky seemingly on all sides. The city seems neither bustling nor abandoned. In fact, you see the movement of people atop the battlements. Several guards appear to keep watch here and studded here and there along the wall, you see war machines keeping vigil over the moaned down forest surrounding the city. Well, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that, uh, that, uh, that castle building, uh, sort of town, darned, it's a town. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks, Red. If I didn't know any better, I'd say they were, uh, looking to protect themselves from giants, you know, look at, look at the arms

they've got. Yeah, it looks like the... Sure looks that way. I, I don't think there's any other assertation you could make unless there's something bigger and worse out there. Well, there is. Dragons. Well, we could assume that this area is very highly overrun with giants, but we also knew that too. But I appreciate Dawn stating the obvious anyway. But I think what I'm saying is it's not, I don't think they're going to be our foes if we've got common enemies, you know? Listen, after a day like today, they could be as bludgeoned as possible, and I'd still be happy to sleep behind tall stone walls. So let's go.

Check it out. This has been a long day. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, so... That's right. I hope we've got a place to sleep for the night. We could push our beds together and get some rest. Aw. Does anyone see a door or a gate of some sort?

Red's sort of like walking around the walls to try to find a gateway. Your approach is noted by a wordless shout from the walls. It seems like you have been spotted. Oh. That's a word to say. Hey. Hello. Sort of shout.

Doran also waves. Mari makes just a wave, but doesn't say anything. Red does the international bow held up sideways. Yes. Ah, yes. That's how bowies say, we come in peace. You get peppered with blista. So much so that red like stands, falls back and lands on the tips of the arrows.

That's right. That's right. As your party begins to circle this fortification looking for a gate, a way in, veranda tags alongside you, Red, and she catches at the sleeve of your cloak. It's like an uneasy look on her face. And in a low voice, she says, Red, please, we have to leave right away. What? Why? We can't, we can't go this way.

No, listen, we've been traveling all day. There's no other place. No. You can leave in the night. Shush. Hello! Red shouts out to the people. and you make your way to this heavy portculeous. Porcupines. Yeah, I think Doreen kind of like scoots up and he says,

he kind of nods to red and he says, What was that about? It looked like you kind of brush Vranda off there about something. Everything okay? She said she's got a bad feeling about this town, but it's the only thing around here. I don't know. Look, Veranda, I think she's going to head out on her own pretty soon.

I think she's getting wind of not really helping. So don't be surprised if she takes off tonight. Yeah. Well, good to keep her eyes peel, eh? You never know. I think she's got a bad vibe from us, or vice versa. I don't really know. But I think our ways together are short-lived anyway.

Bad vibe. The Dorn guy looks down on himself covered in blood and guts. Why would she get a thing like that? Looking around at like this rag tag party. There's like the ash of all those people you blew up. That's just cake. it's not good you smell kind of pork like oh darn you have a tooth in your beard

I think it was that woman's gross so you guys make your way to the entrance of this place yeah yeah cool a heavy portcullis how do you the fuck do you say that word that was perfect yeah that was exactly how I'd have said it no you say how are you like a heavy pork cullis it sounds wrong okay you know what I'll go to

pronunciation dot com or whatever Porteolus. I'm going to be proven right. A porky lass. I'm pretty sure it's portcullis. Miss Piggy. Does anybody know how to read those phonetic pronunciation? Here we go.

Hold on. Portcullis. Portcullis. Portcullis. So, and the emphasis is on the cullis. Portcullis. Great. Portcullis.

Now we all know. Now, we're all know. Now, okay, enough with the port cullis. Oh, I'm sorry. It's very dirty. I was just pressing it for myself to eat. Like 55 times. Port Cullis.

A heavy port cullis. is... No, that sounds wrong. That's how babies are made. Shut up. Heavy porculus. A heavy porculis is winched open to permit your passage into the city

past the thick outer walls into and amongst a clutter of buildings seemingly grown up like plants in competition with each other, stepping on each other's toes. The roofs here are all steeply peaked and a strange web of metal chains.

drapes from rooftop to rooftop forming a rough lattice that stretches like a vast ceiling for this entire small city. Your entrance has provoked quite a lot of attention and daily activities of the city's human occupants stop

as you come into view. I don't think they get a lot of visitors. Hello! Did you see that massive steel gate that they lifted? What do they even call that thing? I think they're called Poculees. After the Greek goddess of lifting gates This place is brilliant though

Look at the chains could catch boulders being loved at this place These guys are really thought about giants I'm really impressed Brilliant brilliant Maybe this should be our new place of business Headquarters Smart Educated science related

Did you just say smart? Sound like you said smart Thornton Smart no smart Sound like it's smart. No, no, smart, you know, smart. No, no, I just thought you said it. Smart was his brother, you know.

Wait, he had brothers, you know? He did have brothers, you know. I've heard of this a few times. An attractive, broad-shouldered man with a square chin and a brush mustache who's played by Tom Selleck is striding towards you. Flanked by a couple of uniformed guards.

He's wearing a white cotton. shirt open at the neck looking clearly like he's come from inside in a hurry neglecting his coat and he reaches you captain sylvindra baby it's been a very very long time since slate fellows had visitors from the outside how's it going baby you're not that attractive he's like extremely attractive no that's subjective i disagree i think he looks great jack is he attractive. He looks great. I feel like Mari's

like blushing him. Mari? A little bit, but you can't tell. Doren, you wouldn't say he's attractive, would you? I don't know. Look at that mustache. What's not to like?

You look all right to me, baby. I just mean to say he's got no fur. I don't understand how you're writing attractive. No, no, I thought that was your name. I'm not objectifying you. I like the concept that both

these two are just like, he's fine, he's fine, and both Jack and Mario like, hello. I don't want to step over. those proper nouns you dropped on it. It's Sivindra. Syvindra, baby. Hi, baby. And Slate fella. What was the name of the town? Slate fell. Slate fell. I was so close. Oh, like, like rocks, like slate, how it falls off things. Oh, please, follow me. Sure, well, hold on, baby. My name is Red. This is my best friend Mari and my best friend Doran and my best friend Jack.

How you do? And, uh, well, this is our friend veranda. And this right here is Stevie. So what did Savindra say when they came up? Did they announce the name of the city? Slate fell. Slate fell. You said it's been a very, very long time since. I know he's so attractive that it's just. He's fine.

It's subjective. There's like the glint of light coming off his chin is like his beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like a mixed, like he's like a Henry Cavill, Bruce Campbell, Tom Selleck like mashup. He's got no fair. He's not. He's fine. And no matter from what angle you look at him, there's like,

The light always seems to hit. Yeah, yeah. There's always wind in his hair. Is he wearing Tom Selleck's shorts from Magnum P.I? That's my question. I couldn't tell you. Oh, in my head he is. No, I kind of picture him as like a pirate, like, like with the bustling white, you know, like.

Yeah, but it's just like dressed like Gaston, but not the shittiness, obviously. Kind of. He's kind. It's like he's clearly in charge here, but he's not so self-possessed that he needs to be constantly wearing his, oh, so he's attracted, but he doesn't know he's attractive. It's the worst kind of attractive. So irritating. Whatever, you're not that handsome.

Let's go, baby. Come on, everyone. Let's follow the big baby. Right, are you jealous? No, I'm not jealous. He's just not that attractive. He's a 10 at best. What?

26. Oh, all right. That's a numbering system that makes sense. Tobaxi's base 26 math, basically. He's no Kurt Russell is, I think. what we're saying but sure whatever floats your boat but he's at tom sellick he looks the four of you up and down and sort of gives a curt nod and he casts an eye around to the villagers who are just staring at the four i guess five of you including veranda paint a portrait it'll last longer

maybe we should uh go and find somewhere more private to speak yeah yeah this feels a little weird Mari looks up in her in her head She just, it feels less like She knows that the stuff over her head Is meant for defense But it feels kind of like being caught in a spider's web Mm-hmm Dorn

I feel like as the party sort of turns To go with Savindra Whatever his guy's name is Baby, baby He turns Doren sort of turns back to the crowd That's staring at us And he kind of bows a bit

And he's like Might have heard of us, the Nightstone 4? Just saying, we're not the Nightstone 4 anymore. We got Maori now. What are we going by? I don't know, we haven't decided yet. Oh, right, right, right. But giant killers right here, you know, defenders of mankind, reordening, just saying.

You ever thought of the Beatles? Ooh, the beetles? They're an insect I like. John Paul, Ringo. And Mari. George. No, I think it's Mari. Marry on bass

Captain Bebe leads you to a nearby building up a set of stone stairs and threw into his office where a fire is already burning his coat laid over the top of his chair, he's got writing laid out on his desk an ink bottle left

uncapped carelessly as Jack notices with his eagle eyes and he begins to gather sheets of parchment as he talks He knows how to write I mean honestly that's a huge win You think he's attractive? He doesn't even know how to put that cork back in his inkwell when he's done.

He can put his cork in my ink well any time. He's messy. Right, Jesus. Franda, you don't find him that attractive, do you? What? No, Mario winks at her. Just like, fine. Dorn, like, hiking up the stairs.

He's, like, watching Savindra before him lots of energy. He's like, so you must work out a lot, baby. out of necessity. Adoran, was it? Yes, yes. Doren iron fits. These are all the glamour muscles. These aren't the core strength.

He couldn't do the core strength stuff that, you know, Doran could do. I don't know. It depends. What do you think, baby? Just the rest of us look especially like noodles walking up the stairs behind. That's for sure. Wobbly limbs.

A breeze comes by and Jack falls down the stairs. Team strength eight, here we go. Wow, you are always. He's standing in wind, baby. Stand over there. Anyway, he leads you into his offices. I can't believe the name choice. I just can't get over that.

So good. I could tell that it was a specific choice. It was a specific choice. He leans forward on his desk and says, I'll put it to you bluntly. Why are you here? Red leans forward right into his face and says, God, even your breast smells good.

and his hair and all just it's like a perfume I love this I mean it seemed safer than camping outside and let me tell you today has had

started with winter wolves and then had bandits and a dungeon and I really just would love a place to hang out and be safe for a while I mean we'd love a place too

just to clarify if we're not welcome that's fine we're happy to move on I guess but wasn't really expecting this kind of attention what's going on around here

I take it that you don't get a lot of visitors, baby. We don't, no. Slate Fell has survived for centuries upon centuries. Thanks to the stubbornness of its own residence and little else. We don't take help from the outside world, not much of it, at least. Why are you posing while you're talking? Sit down. You're being...

Where are you in that sunlight? Are you resting right now? Just talk to us. Are you oiled or is that just how glowing your skin is? Why is your skin so gleamy? I think he's trying to charm. Have I heard of Slate Fell if they're this fortress that's lived for centuries upon centuries and this like rock in the middle of the Great Peaks?

No. That, you know, is unconquered and yet they have, they've left no mark. No, and Doran, who's grown up in the area, also has never heard of Slate Fell. Hmm. So this seems kind of, you seem like too dreamy to me, baby. I mean, I've never even heard of Slate Fell before. I mean, I've lived in this area of the Great Peak Mountains for nearly, you know, half my life. He looks out the window, and from your vantage point, you can survey the top of the wall as it curves around to the right and out of view.

And you can see one of these war machines, this ballista perched on the wall. and its engineering is very reminiscent of the stuff that you saw in Zosanbafel. He says, we don't invite folks out to trade with us, though we do sometimes send traders to other communities for goods we can't make here. Long ago, we were sworn to secrecy, that the machines we employ for our livelihoods would stay within these walls. that even the knowledge of them wouldn't pass out of our hands it's a necessity you understand

you traded with the gnomes you created some sort of alliance with them something like that you seem to know a lot about this for an outsider we came from the gnomish city how well mostly

that's our secret red says he leans back in the chair and then he topples over you didn't see that I mean, I would say that it wasn't a planned excursion, but we're here now. And if it's possible, it'd be nice to at least rest for an evening. Mm-hmm. You are welcome to rest here.

When, what about food? Have you got food? Because I'm quite hungry, and I'd be willing to pay for you. Of course, they got food, Dora. What do you think they just don't eat here? What I'm saying is, have they got food that they can give to us, Red? Yeah, do you got like a tavern or something? I mean, obviously, this city has commerce.

There must be some sort of... Well, are you allowing us to just wander about? I mean... We can find you some lodgings in the barracks, if you're agreeable to that. Otherwise, I'll have to volunteer up my own home. Now we'll stay in the barracks, thank you very much. Well, I mean...

I want it all hot and steamy in his... I would have to clear it with my missus first. Ah! He's married! Ha! And Red Lake points right at Jack's face, and then right at Mary's face. And then he points at Doran's... He, like, kind of pauses to pull back, but then sees Duren's look, and then keeps it in his face.

You're married, baby. Yes, of course. Well, we're not the Nightstone Four, but we're working on a new title. We were the Nightstone Four. We'll get back to you with a new title tomorrow. Let's put a clock on this so we actually do it. And I think we'd be very happy to stay in the barracks. Now, what's with all the giant fortifications?

Are you under attack constantly? Well, now that you mention it, yes. I wrote something about this, and I'm going to find it in a second. No worries, no worries. That's why the thing was taken out of the inkwell. Take your time. I mean, shuffle those papers. Composes his thoughts by shuffling a bunch of papers.

He opens and closes a drawer for a minute. He found it difficult to lead. I always felt like I needed to have things written. He starts texting. You're like, what? That I should say, you know. All I was going to, well, I'll tell you that we have. been, we're up here right now to try to, well, frankly, take down the stone giants.

We did the same for the hill giants over around the Jallanthar and the woods, the high forest. Nope. Well, it was south of the high forest. It was, uh, it was none of the other map. No, it was, um. All right, fine. Jack just said, nope, to interrupt me. Go ahead, Jack.

Just trying to be general. It was, it was, fuck. What's the, no. Now, I've lost the name of the town, though. He knew. He knew enough to say I was wrong, but not enough to correct me. I can't. Well, at least I took a stab. But I can't. Well, so can I, and I pictured it wrong.

Anyway, we'll fight tonight, Jack. Not right now. Not in front of the baby. We don't fight in front of the baby. Really? I'm not going to keep it together. Look, we took down the hill giants, wherever they were. And they were to the northwest of here.

Can I say that much, at least? That's very true. Thank you. and we are here to also try and take down the stone giants as well. So any information you might have or speech that you've had time to find, we're happy to hear. And if you haven't found it yet, I'm happy to spend some time thinking about our new name.

So the Nightstone four doesn't really work anymore. Where did that come from? Well, we started out at Nightstone and all four of us helped save it, but since it's no longer Nightstone and the fourth member is no longer here... Just to return to the earlier point you were trying to think about killing giants. They're all sitting in a corner like he's like rewitting through like pages. We've seen plenty of stone giant activity over the centuries. But nothing so persistent as what's been happening in the past few months.

It's almost as regular as the phases of the moon. They come over the ridgeline throwing boulders bigger than me. Sometimes they come on so fast, we barely have time to get to the trebushes and aim them properly. So fast, they almost make it through. the walls, and you say you're here to deal with the stone giants? Yeah. We're looking for dead stone cleft, uh, is, is what we're looking for. I think that's the center of where the stone giants in the area are operating out of, uh, and we, my brain blanks, I'm trying to remember the name of, can you flip the map over? This is what the, this is when you try to get dates and names.

You just, you got a fire forward. Oh, wait, you want a map? Well, just the one with the names of the Braggins? Places. I like words. I'm just imagining this guy being like, you're going to take on the stone giants and then looks and it's like three noodles and dwarf just covered in bits of teeth. We're not at our best right now.

So you just got to believe it. You should see us after a full night's rest. You've really caught us at the end of the day. Everyone looks like shit and it's just like, and like half of them are like a hundred pounds soaking wet. Hold on. What's the big forest right next to Grudhog? Uh, is not high forest?

Yeah. So what the fuck? I said high forest. I think you said, you said Jalenthar, which is way up in the north. And I was thinking, it was southeast to Belliard was the big thing in my mind where it was. Anyway. Doesn't really. Let's not have a map fight.

Map fights. Those are some of my. Once again, those are Jack's only best fights. Listen, I'm well equipped for a map. Map fight and Hunt Lord fights. I can't say we've heard of Slate fell before, but we're here in the Great Peaks looking for deadstone cleft. where the stone giant thing is, and, you know, since the ordaining has fallen apart,

the giants have been running amok, and that must be a big part of why they're attacking you like clockwork. Yeah, yeah. Hey, what if we're the dead stone four? What if we preemptively name ourselves for the success of what we're going to do at the stone giant's place? That feels like a great way to just have hubris. That sounds like hubris. Yeah. Wait, what? Like bad luck. You had some energy. God, so many people would like you. I can't wait for the fan fiction He sits back on this chair And he puts his feet up on his desk

And looks at the ceiling Why isn't his falling over? If what you're saying is true Then our goals are somewhat aligned To see the end of the stone giants In the Grey Peak Mountains Would relieve so much pressure from our city Wonderful

Yeah, pretty much that's what we're talking about You know And he strokes his gorgeous mustache Well then you don't worry the Deadstone Four or on it. I don't trust that name yet. Yeah, but don't worry. If we just lean into it, it's going to be great.

It's the hubris gang. I have a plan. You tarry here a while until the next Stone Giant's siege. No one can predict with certainty when they will strike next to but we are overdue. So I know it will be soon. Maybe even tonight. Oh, I hope not. Once the Giants are cited, your party's stealths away to make your attempt.

at their fortress while it is at its weakest. Ah, so you're willing to put the town up as a distraction, essentially, and let us slip in the back door, so to speak. The stone giants will come here regardless. Well, I misjudged you, baby. That's a pretty non-baby thing to say. Now, I won't threaten you. Some of my predecessors may have seen fit to, and some may yet in the years to come. My thinking has always been to leave friends as friends as friends. friends and enemies as enemies, but I hope you'll understand that Slateville has survived for

centuries by being hidden from the outside. So please, when you leave this place, do not speak of our city. Why, okay, why hidden? It's always been that way. Fair enough. Yeah, yeah. I dig secrecy. And plus, The Deadstone Four are like a secret members of this new city club. Yeah, then we definitely don't repeat. We definitely don't repeat. He stands up and shakes each of your hands in turn thanking you. Why is your hands so soft yet so strong? Stupid sexy calluses.

Where his hands are so wet. Oh, no. But they're not calloused. They feel like they should be calloused. But they're so soft. They're like supple leather. It's just pure strength. Yeah.

It's beautiful, like a well-worn wallet. So to the barracks's then, Jack was it? You said you're tired. I can stay up a little late talking to you. Can we have a sleepover? How open-minded is your wife? And a place just to collect our thoughts. It's been a hell of a day. Well, look, if that plan is sound and it sounds good for us, we can definitely be ready to go, basically, after at least asleep. Unless you have any questions from me. Well, that's actually not a bad point. Maybe we do have a few questions. We know why you've kind of sequestered yourself. We understand the need for secrecy. We understand why your town has been attacked. Stone giants hate everything. They're racist pieces of shit. I guess my only question is, how did you first end up being friendly with the gnomes? That's a pretty rare circumstance to find a town mainly run by humans to be friendly or, you know, trade partners with the gnomes. That seems interesting to me. But maybe not. I don't care.

Whatever. I'm dumb. I'm the dumb one. Unfortunately, it's a relationship that ended many centuries ago. And all that we have left are the relics that we protect. Something we could try and, I mean, we weren't like a stone's throw from here when we left Dozenbapel. It's pretty well hidden, but I think we could retrace our steps. There's absolutely machines in there that are similar to the ones you're using. I mean, it's right in your backyard. If you were looking for an extra edge up and wanted to go take a look through there when you, you know, you unlike us, weren't on your way into doing something else?

But the DM said that that door was magic and couldn't be opened again. That's true. It definitely feels like that was a special thing. So then I guess you walk to the other side of the mountain. Red stomps on Jack's foot says, no, it could be dangerous in there. Plus, it's a secret place.

We might want to go back and make it our own place. I'm just trying to extend a friendly arm to the people desperate and afraid to talk to anyone because the world's been so cruel to them but that's fine i got the impression that they're secretive because they got like it's like kind of like um we got cool shit we don't want to share yeah where they're like we got vibranium and we don't we kind of are like more advanced in the world and people are going to like plunder us if they take it and my assumption is that it's one of those things too where it's like it's always been secret therefore it always will

be secret like yeah and you don't have a reason for it it's just this is just how it's always done so like snitches get stitches he does he says that snitches gets stitches it's a beautiful per that's right that's right well that's interesting so I guess it was sort of a

long time relationship your forefathers and in the hills again just over there we could point up in those hills there was zozhenbafel and part of the inscription on it was that it was founded because lost to time these civilizations

yeah I mean 800 100 to 1,000 years old, I think, is what I'd pegged it to when I was walking through the halls there. It's kind of my thing. It works out into every conversation. Sands of time. I mean, but the pieces were live and working. There was this incredible mechanical dragon that, like, attacked us literally an hour ago. It's still probably warm.

I want, you know, I bet you could cook, get that fire lit again. Gone forever. Why would you want people to pilfer this beautiful ruin? Why, why are you trying to sell them? You guys already stole everything that was. worth taking. Probably bad. Other than those flying machines which he couldn't

get out. What an adventuring group can accomplish and isn't interesting to watch is different from what, hey, this civilization that's been hidden here for centuries. But wouldn't it be smarter to maybe, you know, offer it to gnomes instead of people who have clearly profited off of gnomes? Like, you're giving these ruins

over to this town who's clearly had a history of taking it and you're just like, hey, you've taken all over this culture. Here's another ruin to pilfer and profit off of like, Why did we just keep it a little safe for a while? Is this England? The only other people in the world that we know of that have ever heard of this place

is the ones who traded with them centuries ago. We can swing by our old front, Elmore bottle rocket, and say, hey, here's a little bit of culture for you. Instead of giving it to the first people we see. Hey, we just found a ruin. Here, first people we see, take it from us. The ones who live on top of it, because it's literally over there. But honestly, you know what?

I think we're all a little. Well, that's not a right. Just because they live on burial grounds doesn't mean they're. They own them. I think we're all just a little bit tired. We're all a little cagey and on edge. And Bebe, I'm sorry about this. I need some air.

I'm just going to step out for a minute because it's... Bebe goes over to Reds back and he just pats him on the back. And our poor friend Elmore Bottle River, rocket, whatever his fucking name is, sits right next to a nothing in a nothing swamp. And he deserves a beautiful, beautiful home on the ground. And I don't want you humans to ruin it. Like you ruin everything. We do.

Humans ruin. a lot. Let's be real here. Do you really believe that red? Yeah. Anyway, it was really nice meeting you. Do you have anything else other than the trebushes? Or the balusters? From the gnomes or...

Do you have any of the bones? The balusters? Yes, almost every piece of this town is in some way influenced by that long forged relationship. The floor we walk on is made from their bones. We crush their children to ensure the small... small passageways would have plenty of... This cup I drink out of the skull of a baby.

There's a skull of a gnome. That's where I got my name. So I guess all of this to say, Doren says, turning to this baby guy. He says, uh... Now listen, if there's... Pretty baby man. We're going to be leaving here, uh, probably tomorrow. Maybe the next day, we'll see how we feel.

Unless we do his plan. And we're going to be heading towards Deadstone cleft. And if, and if you want to... to assist in any way in your own future you might want to see if there's maybe a group of able to be in sleeping

my friend so we're going to wait until the Giants attack the city Bebe is going to you know take on that burden and then while that attacks we're going to slip in the back door Doran like I said I've been really tired Dorn's just been sitting quietly like

figuring it out to himself and not paying attention. Is he drinking out of a gnome skull? I don't understand. That's literally what's going on. All the books here are made out of gnome skin. Somebody's got to put that cat back on the ink before it dries out.

You know what? I'll just add snoring in the background during that. All right. Well, let's head to the barracks and tack in for the night, I suppose. I mean... Yeah, uh-huh. Captain Bebe puts on his coat, opens his office door to the evening light,

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