Dice Shame - 2-42 | 'The Midnight Carnival: 10 pm'

Episode Date: June 15, 2023

Imagine your best game of D&D. The shocks, the twists and turns, the moments that can’t be caught because you just had to be there. That’s Dice Shame.Join our DM Jo, her husband Harlan, their brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they experience those unmissable, gut-wrenching, heart-aching, joy-filled moments.This legendary AP releases a brand new episode every Thursday morning at 1:20 am!Content Warning: swearing, violence.Part of the Rusty Quill Network Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Not a good showing for the wizard. Hey, surprise, motherfucker. We could, uh, hide in the hay and I'll jump out. Yeah, get out of my way. Out of my way, loser. If we quip until we're out of time, she'll just have to die. I'll be strong. Very strong. She's got a toe.

Wait, that's even worse, I think. All right, let's get in position. Um, should you be drinking? That's okay, Red. Like you're at a really awkward barbecue. That was a good, oh shit. I was really not sure which way you were. God damn it. Every time.

I just want to play D&D. Fall later. Attack now. Welcome back to Dice Shame. This is Season 2, Episode 42, the Midnight Carnival 10 p.m. MVP this week is Joe. Bag of holding from the Discord sent in that request, because without her, there would be no Dice Shame.

Thank you, Joe, from all of us. us here, you're this week's MVP. Aw, thanks, guys. And if you want to nominate an MVP, just join our Discord and find the channel Dyshame MVP and fill in the form. We'll read out your words on air, and you can nominate

anybody who enjoys this show. All right, should we play some D&D? Let's do it. The sun begins to set on Slatefell. Several townsfolk hurry to their homes, the jovial spirit from the afternoon somewhat dampened by the coming night. Who knows when an attack might come from the stone giants? The sentries atop the wall are vigilant, looking out into the valley focused on the evils outside the town.

In the town square, the three wagons appear to be a lot of the town. unattended under the chains that stretch from rooftop to rooftop. Each wagon, however, has a lantern lit just outside. With a creek, the wagon's rear door opens and a pale ankle stretches down for the cobblestones. Dressed for the cooler evening, but no less beautifully than this afternoon, the woman known as Ossipeat descends, assisted by a walking stick, patting her skirt pockets and securing the door with a slim key. The sunset colors her cheeks attractively and her sharp eyes scan the square for a moment before she heads off on foot.

The tavern is spacious but humble, lit by the fireplace and some candles, with perhaps 30 patrons creating a pleasant hum of noise. a man leans casually on the wall beside the bar his strong chin cut with short stubble an easy twinkle in his eye he's handsome in a simple way and honest-looking a mostly full pint of beer held in a calloused hand as the door opens to reveal the heavily pregnant silhouette of ossipete a few conversations die down to whispers for just a moment she doesn't seem to notice. Walking over to the bar, she orders a cup of wine, and then strikes up a conversation with another man beside her who looks to be an off-duty soldier. He is immediately blushing from her attentions. The man who's leaning against the wall can almost hear the conversation if he was just a little closer. Red, what do you do? You got this, Red. You got this. Redd's like turned around for a second. He's talking to himself against the wall, giving himself a little pep talk.

You are the handsome Peter Ruffington. Be the Ruffington. Be the Ruffington. Red Downs the drink, and he mutters to himself as he walks over and slides between the two and orders a drink. I'll have another one of these. And he points to an empty hand with no glass in it. What he was drinking, I mean. Pregnant and on her second glass of wine. You know who we're dealing with. Can you imagine Reds is that? Um, should you be drinking?

She's got like four cigarettes. She's just... Oh, excuse me, excuse me. And then he like turns his back towards the soldier, sort of like severing the conversation. It's kind of busy in here, don't you think? It is, yes. For such a small town, I wasn't expecting such a lively scene.

No, me. either. Me, me neither. And Red, realizing that maybe the cat can hear voices as well, suddenly gets nervous and starts trying to cover his voice. So, um, you and, uh, you're, you were part

of that, um, uh, troop that was presenting in the city square. Did you enjoy the show? Very much so, very much so. I found, uh, I found your, uh, works quite enthralling, if I do say so myself.

And what's your name? Referrington, Reperenton, Peter, Peter Greffrington. That's a lovely name. Thank you. I thought so myself. I picture Red being like, er, and then doing a fake stretch to like make a reason for why he went, Er, Peter Referrington. Yes.

And Red takes a sip, like a shaky sip of the drink that's just, has been poured to him. Very strong. Very strong. I like, the way I like it. So... It's stuffy in here, don't you find it? It's not bad.

Kind of chilly out tonight. So tell me about yourself, Peter. Oh, well, the Raffirintins are our noble race, um, branching off from the house of wands, out of water deep, actually. We, um, married, uh, into the family from... Silvery Moon, the mother of the WAND family. And, you know, we're well known as architects, traveling the land, uncovering mysterious things buried in the ground.

Architects. It's very strange. I was under the impression that everyone who lived here had been living here for generations upon generations. Ah, yes, so that's why we had to sever ties from the WAND family. See, this, this town. was founded by the um goblins uh well not by them but the gnomes in the uh in the sorry did i say goblins red takes another sip you know it's so stuffy in here i i'll just be honest and red like takes a

deep breath i think you're one of the most striking beauties i've ever seen and i was wondering if you'd like to perhaps go for a late night stroll a place that you and i that you and I could perhaps talk more intimately as an elbow's not in my back and all that, you know? Possibly. Roll a deception check, first of all, because that's a whole pack-a-lise. Yeah, I'm going to use my inspiration.

Yeah, good call. I think that's probably a good breath, red, you got this. Okay. That's a good sign. Six and a half. We round up, it's okay. No, that's 15 plus 3 for deception, so 18. Okay.

I feel good about that. What do you say, ma'am? Mm-hmm. She starts walking her hand up, your arm. Surely you're already spoken for by some beautiful woman in the village. Well, the truth is I am. I'm quite embarrassed to do this because I've been married for well on 20 years.

How old are? We were very young, very, very young. She was nearly an infant. Not an infant. No, I just mean, I mean emotional. Emotionally, she was an infant. Wait, that's even worse, I think. I was also an infant.

We were an infant pride. Red takes another sip of his drinks. It just drinks long, he's like eyes darting around as he drinks. You're a fascinating man, Peter. In fact, the whole wedding. Everybody was infants. Anyway, but not truly an infant. What I mean to say is that emotionally we were both immature and not ready for marriage.

And, oh, maybe I shouldn't be here. You know, I'm a good family man with children and I, this was a mistake. And Red turns around. Children, you say. Yes, I'm quite fertile. Tasty, tasty children. Yes, yes, I have 17. Jesus.

He's a hat dog. It makes sense. What are you a douger? I understand that sometimes a man has desires. But acting on them would be purely, it'd be so, so very, uh... And Red Lake takes a step towards her. Wrong.

I couldn't, I couldn't. I couldn't do that to Jessica, to Jessica. It would be unfair. I think you're right. It is a little stuffy in here. No, you're a temptress, I swear, but a short war couldn't hurt. But I have to make sure it's away from prying eyes.

Come, and Red leads her out back. Awesome. Great job. I feel like I'm just listening to you guys flirt. Oh, yeah. But I like the idea that Red, because Red was like born in a litter. Like, I love the idea that the object of like how many children are normal never came up. Yeah.

Meanwhile, in a nearby barn, the vaulted ceiling is quilted with cobwebs as you take your agreed upon positions. The old wood creaks underfoot with any tiny shift in movement. Jack, Mari, Doran. How have you prepared for this? Doran is pacing this barn. At this point, he's like coming down the wooden ladder that's going into the hayloft and he's like, well, I've done my initial inspection of the area and, uh, well, we've got a couple options. We can, uh, set up a trap and, uh, you know, tire legs up in some sort of pulley system and he's kind of pointing up and pointing over and we could hide in the hay and I'll jump out

we could stand on either side of the door and when she walks in the door come down with a clobbering axe fell on her head or although with that sort of option what happens if you hit red right shit I don't think the best idea is to just start blindly swinging and Mari's sitting up in the hay loft and her legs sort of swing over because she's just been sort of laying there in the hay. I do kind of like the idea of prying up a couple of floorboards

and digging out a big pit underneath it and sort of walking her into the pit. Yeah, but have we got the time? Oh, I got magic. Oh. Like the digging part, I'm really not worried about. Where we're going to hide the dirt? Second question, but...

Well, you know what? There's no plan like being prepared. So why don't we do it, you know, multiple different angles? So, like, we'll pry a couple floorboards and dig a big hole. But if she doesn't walk in that far, maybe we should have a backup plan, like, uh... Hit her with a lot of magic. Mari's sitting up there with Miranda, and they're just, just like, so... Is she actually your mom?

This seems confounding on multiple levels, but... Well, she doesn't have a maternal bone in her body, if that's what you're asking. technically they say that she birthed me um i mean that also sounds upsetting in a kind of body horror way well more upsetting than that um she tends to leave her infants with other families um like she swaps them out and uh so i was raised by a different family until i was eight or not I guess, and then they came back and retrieved me. I mean, you can't imagine these creatures raising babies. They are not nurturing, so they let other people do it.

What do they do with the babies they take? I don't want to talk about it. Do you feel like it's time to have a little bit of having it out with your family? It would be nice to say some things before she fucking dies, I guess, if that's what we're talking about here. All right. Well, if you want to confront her, I'll back you up. And if you hear me yell, just get out of the way.

Because, and she sort of snaps her fingers and just through Druid Crafts and water comes out of the air, you might need to learn how to swim real quickly. Oh, I've seen what you can do. Oh, will she melt in water? God, I hope so. Favorite play. I heard some witches melt in water. I don't think so, Doran, but it's very creative.

of you. Well, I heard it once in a play. All right, let's get in position. Yeah. Well, I'm going to be standing here by the door. Red. But I'm going to cover myself in hay. Just actually here in the call.

I was worried. Are you sure you don't want to be somewhere more so she doesn't have to get in the room, turn to her right, see a dwarf and be like, what's happened? Like maybe one. He's got like four pieces of hay stuck in his beard. Maybe under the stairs. Hey, surprise, motherfucker. His literal axe is just like screaming.

Fred does his jaw properly. She shouldn't have any reason to take her eyes off of him, you know? It's a barn door. It's got a moment to swing. It's not instantaneous, is all I'm saying. Red. You are heading towards this barn

that you've already scouted out where you know your friends are waiting. And Ossipete. turns to you. You've been kind of coily exchanging some banter, walking through a darkened alley. Her fingers interlaced through yours. Does she feel your paw? No.

Red wore gloves. Okay. Awesome. Because he was like, and again, I love this idea of like smashing back to being like, Red's walking into the barn and being like, oh, and Jack, throw me those gloves you wear. They're going to be all covered in cat hair. That's the post-credit scene where Jack. Jack gets his, like, greasy gloves back, and he's like, oh, these are a gift.

Greasy, I like that. Yeah, so she feels like these, you know, kind of, like, skin gloves. Because, you know, they're, like, leather if they're Jacks. They're, like, nice. They're human skin. They're all the fashion in Waterdeep two seasons ago. Let me tell you. You haven't had time to go to shopping.

Well, I've been in the field. No wonder you don't get invited to those parties like you used to. Ossipete intertwines her fingers through yours and then tries to push you up against the wall of a building. Oh. She leans in for a kiss. Twenty years, Osser Pete. I mean, I can't just throw that away in a night. I mean, oh, but you're so gorgeous and he, like, uses it as, like, a moment to, like, break.

The moonlight reflecting in your eyes is like the twinkle of a moon. in an eye. Kiss me right now. I want to more than anything. And he like feigns looking around at the buildings, you know, to see, my cousin Vinnie works in these buildings. Make another deception check. Hey, it's me.

Get out of here. That's another great play, but I... Mari, enact Plan B minus two. Plan Vinny. She's leaning out the window, yo. I'm trying to sleep here. It's not Vincenzo, like the human Italian name. It's Venezuela Gajal.

Anybody want to, like, throw me an inspiration or something? I got an inspiration. I will send you, Red. It's my gloves holding your hand. It's got to be. We're rolling contested, by the way. I promise I won't say anything stupid again. Oh, that's even better.

Dirty 20. Whoa. All right. She tries to lean in to kiss you once more and then rebuffed. by your explanation she turns her head in what almost seems to be a mockery

of shame Red knows a lot about mocking and he takes a step forward and he's like I don't think I can hold it anymore I must have you and he darts around and he spins on the corner

and opens the barn door and she follows you you just a moment later into the darkness. And Red enters and says, I hope hay is comfortable enough for the sex. And Red slowly. Just end the episode there.

It's great. And then Red shuts the door. Everyone who is in hiding must make a stealth check. Doreen could be invisible. I could have done that. If he's going to Too fucking late, dude.

This was your job. You should have done this. I gave you guys a whole scene to get prepped. You had a whole time to do something. You just talked about nothing. Sorry. Veranda got a natural 20 on her stealth. She's holding her breath.

21 for Jack. Oh my goodness. Pretty good, Jack. Wow. I rolled a 14. All right. It's not bad. It could be worse.

It could be better. Yeah. And a 15 for Doran. That's not bad. Yeah. It's that hay that's covered. bring me yeah roll with hay advantage you guys can go ahead and roll initiative for me as well sure love 18 till i die that's okay 10 eight to it's a 12

osipete walks in following red into the darkness and he closes the door her eyes drift up to the rafters and then shoot beside her she has noticed a couple of you but not everyone so in this surprise round the only people who get to act are those who are still disguised in the dark corners of this place that includes jack and veranda oh so she pinpoints Mari in the rafters and doran hiding under five pieces of hay entirely missing the sneaky wizard in the corner

and her daughter further back in the darkness. Let's get down to fucking business. First, we have Red acting, followed by Jack. All right. Red, start us off. Sorry about this, baby. It's not personal. It's business. And I would never kiss you. You're not my type.

I don't really have a type. My sexuality. She takes 10.8 psychic damage from your wounding words. So Red casts icy mantle on himself as this shimmering icy armor just washes over him and then runs to the far side of the room. Basically, as far in this room and as high up as he can get while still keeping her in sight. All right. Red, you cast icy mantle on yourself, this shimmering blue shell.

appears over Peter Ruffrington's handsome form. And then you just, with an insane burst of speed, charge up the stairs and run away. Jack, what do you do next? Jack steps out of cover, holding the spellguard sphere in his hand, and he just gently tosses it in the air. And as it starts to float from his hand, so too does Ossapete start to float in the air, I hope.

But I'm going to try and levitate her. Great. I hope. Let's see. She can make a Constitution save DC-17, please. I hope too. I will. Wow, that's 19.

Oh, bummer. Well, then she could just run out that door. So I'm not going to go too far. So I guess I'm going to step out into the sort of hallway in front of her to make myself a good target and hope Doran acts before her. Acts before her? I'm speaking your language. Like that. Nice.

Oh, you sweet children. The walking stick she was carrying elongates. She throws a leg over it, and it raises her into the air. Then she disappears. Oh. Is that a spell she's doing to do that? That I could counterspell? You want to cast counterspell on this?

I would love to counterspell it if it is a spell. Great. Yeah. Make an ability check using your spell casting ability? Sure, I'm going to cast it at the third level. 13. You fail, Jack. Alas.

Yes. Not a good showing for the wizard in the first six seconds. Ossipete pulls this rotten, big toe out of a pouch that is tied around her waist, and she throws it on the ground. And as it hits the floor, she vanishes. Well, I feel like when she pulls the toe out, Doran looks down to see if his feet are like all in one piece. He's like, wow, he's like, wow, Doran. It's just a glance, just a glance.

It's like you see in the background, her pull at a toe. My toe feels funny. And then Doran's like, hey, she's got a toe. Where'd she go? Red, it's your turn. All right, I got this. He reaches in the bag of holding, and he pulls out one of Jack's ink satchels, like the little things that he dips his quill into.

And he quickly just, you know. He's been stealing from Jack. He's sort of boredom. And he attaches it to the end of the arrow, and he casts seeking arrow, which will seek out a target I've seen in the last minute using divination magic. So can she make me a dexterity saving throw? Oof. No?

23. Okay. That's fine. On a successful save, it takes half as much damage. Oh, but I don't learn its location. There you go. Now, that's, I think, if it's around the corner. I still think we're going to see it if it's with an eyesight.

Like, I don't learn its location in a magical sense, but if it's right above us and I hit it, the arrow's still going to go... I'm going to roll it like this. Anyone who wants to have observed where that arrow goes is going to be making me a perception check before their turn to learn what square this witch is in. That tracks. Deal. Okay.

Yeah. So they're going to take half damage, which is as if we're hit by an arrow. Mm-hmm. Eight damage. There she is. Somewhere. I hit her. Yeah, your arrow sings through the dark barn.

My magical inks! Those are ten gold a piece. I made those. The arrow lodges itself in the witch with a shriek. Good. Ah! Can I make a present? Reception roll before my turn ends?

Yeah, you can roll perception, sure. 16. No, you fail. Doran, it's your turn. So Doran's going to roll perception to see if he sees where this is. Yeah, you can roll with advantage because of Red's cool ink trick. There's a little bit of ink dripping into the ground in a dark barn. Black ink dripping onto the ground in a dark barn.

Yeah. This is perception? That's right. That's 15. Okay, you don't see her. Well, Doren's going to Give up. We tried it.

Stopped caring now, by everyone. He opens the door to let some air in. Wow, what a gust. He's like, I'm going to the bar, bye guys. I'm just going to open these doors out here. Oh, something big move past me. That's fine. Windy, I guess.

Okay, what I'm going to do is As one of my attacks, I'm going to attack the air where I assume she might be. So I want you to tell me what square you're attacking. So I'm going to attack this square, basically where she was. Okay. All right, Doren, make an attack roll with disadvantage because you can't see her. Well, that just works. Right, you're your favor, doesn't it?

That's going to be, um, oh, for fuck sake, Alex. Don't blame her. God damn it. Every time. I just want to play D&D. right there's going to be a 13 to hit no you miss okay so with my first attack i miss doren realizes that yeah this is this is kind of silly and he steps back in front of the door and then he shouts jack yeah you know cast one of your spells on this on this witchy witch

i'm trying trust me it i'm doing my best here she's powerful i'm waiting my turn try now Commander Strike doesn't work with Jack, I don't think. It's a weapon attack, right? You're trying to commander strike me? I'm not going to... You're trying to commander strike me? You're trying to fucking do what? A known architect, Jack?

I like that. You like that? Yeah, thanks. Any suggestions otherwise? There was a separate wand. It was a fire wand that we got in the gnome. It was a... Oh, oh, Doran, it's a...

I remember because I compared it to the dragon's breath. It's a plume, isn't it? Like, it's a cone. That would be way more useful to try to find her. Oh, especially because you're right there, Doran. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. A wand of burning hands with three charges remaining.

So each creature within a 15-foot cone makes a deck save. So it would be a gamble. Yeah, but I think a cone. That's what I mean. Like, a 15 feet's pretty big. That's like this. I don't think Doran could do that and attack with his axe in the same turn. That would be the action.

Okay. Leave it for the next turn. Great idea for next turn, probably. Doran's going to shout out Red. Hey, take another shot with one of your arrows. Maybe you can hit her. And he's going to give you the commander's strike. All right, buddy.

I'll just take a random guess. Red will fire with disadvantage at a random spot. Well, 18 to hit. You miss. I figured. Sorry, Dawn. I don't know where she is. That's okay, Red.

And Doran's just kind of standing there looking around blankly for anything. Mari, it's your turn. Mari, she's been trying to hide in there, but the problem is that one, she's bright blue, so it's, like, really obvious in the straw, and also her hair, like, wasn't tucked in enough, so there's just, like, all this hair pouring out from the, from the straw. But she stands up.

She did see her with the toe, and she just, like, this, she's, like, you know, she sort of scans the room and is, like, foul magic, foul. and she taps her eye and like one tear falls and she catches it and then she snaps her fingers and I'm going to cast create water and create a 30 by 30 foot cube of rain that's that's falling so that if she's in it and if she's solid then it should be landing on her oh the daredevil scene and daredevil yeah no I actually do I actually wasn't referencing that but I'm thinking about it now but also unfortunately it's a fun

Fucking, it's a, wait, are you referencing the, the horrible movie? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That movie is so bad. But, yeah.

My hope is that, is that if she, I'm assuming she's still solid, she's invisible, but not incorporeal. That's right. That's right. Cool. Where's your, where's your cube going? Cube it for me. Just wash all that ink off. 30 is pretty sizable.

Can I roll perception? Roll it. I rolled a 23. Yeah, dude. She is definitely going to be caught in that square, for sure. So she, yeah, so she casts the rain. There are no cloud forms. The rain just starts pouring out of the air in the ceiling.

Mm-hmm. And that's your action, right? Are you going to do anything else on your turn? I think I'm just going to shift a little bit back. because I feel like I'm going to be just right in fire and range. Push past veranda. Yeah, get on my way. I'm on my way, loser.

No, I'll stay close to, I'll stay close to veranda. Jack's like, just my luck. Jack, as Mari summons water from what seems to be the rafters of this barn, it pours down on you. You look up scanning and you see. a form in this rain, this silhouette of empty space hanging in a square. Uh-huh. Yeah, it limits the option somewhat, given that I still can't see her. I just know where she is.

But I'm going to pop the Spellgaard sphere into a pocket, unholster the wand, and fire a firebolt at her. Hell yeah. Unholster the wand. She's in the rafters over here. How do we like a 16? No, the 16 misses. Oh, well, everybody had a really clear blast of fire through the rain to see where she was. They certainly did.

I'm going to move myself sort of towards Doran so that Doran and I are on one side of her and Mari and Red are on the other, just so that she's not going to get away from in between us. You hear her voice echo through the barn. You don't actually think I will allow you to hurt me, do you? I already hit you once with an arrow, baby. She flies out from where the rain is. now petering out and stopping and then a sphere of energy ripples out from underneath your feet doran and jack both of you need to make a constitution saving throw known constitution haver jack

page well lucky for doran he is quite the constitution haver you're well constituted 17 oh pretty good unnatural 20 good Job, boys. I'm proud of you. Hey. Hey, oh. You know, if you... Yeah, never mind.

Yeah. Good job. 22 damage. So each of you only take 11 as this negative energy starts pulling your life force down into the ground of this barn and just leaching it out of you. I don't know about you, Jack. I'm really not digging. digging this chick. She's got a lot of negative energy around her. Yeah, not a good time. No. Meanwhile,

bringing me down. Everyone in the rafters, so that's Red, Mari, and Veranda, the cobwebs all around you seem to come alive and thin tendrils start coming down to grasp towards you, catching at your hair and your shoulders. Oh, shit. It's pretty horrific. Trying to capture you. everyone make a dexterity saving throw 19 18 okay veranda fails the two of you are fine so she gets caught up in these cobwebs that seem to be coming alive and she just starts to get pulled back against the wall of the barn she's still trying to stay quiet and unseen you see her eyes just go wide maria she's pulled back against the wood beside you and then she shakes her head like don't worry about me or don't like don't like Let me die. She's really trying to juggle it in her head, like which one? Yes. She sort of, she originally reaches out to try to grab Vranda because obviously this is upsetting.

But when she sees that look, Vranda now understands a knowing look. Marie, he pulls her hand back. Hey, you know, she's on the inside. She's part of the team now. Yeah, yeah. That's what we know that we've all become buds. We've bonded. Yeah.

That's right. And does our knowing look, Veranda, don't you dare use it? And, uh, and keeps crouched. down in the rafters. Redd, it's your turn. So she flew out of the rain? She did fly out of the rain. So she's invisible once again.

Can I roll perception to see if she's, if there's a dripping, wet figure. Hey, now you're thinking. That's like, trattling on the wooden floorboards. I'm sorry, trattling? You know, like technical term. Yeah. Yes.

Her teeth, it's what you do. When you're riding a broom, you trattle. It's just the. You trattle. No, it's the sound of the drops falling off of the thing. I see. Whether it's the.

The rain-trattling or her teet chattering. It's like shit. Oh, no. Can you hear her singing the song, Kiss the Rain? 19. Hey. Pretty good, actually. Yeah, you're able to sort of suss out where she's at.

All right, witch. She's between you, Dorn and Jack. She's coming up. Be careful. And Red is going to pull back and say, Swallow this, witch. And he's going to fire. Oh, I rolled two.

I rolled two 16s. Nice. Nice. Oh, way to go. Let's break some. concentration. 22 to hit. Yeah, 22 hits.

Perfect. 26 damage. Oh, snap. Not bad. Yeah, very good. Does that taste good? Con save, let's see. Oh, shit.

What? Six. Hey, that's a good. That was a good, oh shit. I was really not sure which way you were. Yeah. Yeah, I was like, she's rolled, she's rolled a net 20. Fuck.

Yeah. Here we go. Hey, there she is. Red. Oh. This chick takes your. arrow to the shoulder and as she does, the invisibility flickers and then drops. And you see her about 10 feet in the air. She's hovering near the entrance, kind of 10 feet away from both

Doran and Jack. Nice. Red shuts out. All eyes on you, witch. He fires again. Well done. 17 to hit. That hits. Nice. Nice. Get him. Oh, we found the AC then. 20 damage. Well done. Excellent. Doran, it's your turn. How far off the ground is she? She's about 10 feet in the air.

I knew you were going to say something just over. It's unfair. Get taller. Yeah. Doran sees the witch hovering basically above her. And then he's looking around for some way to jump up in the two seconds that he has. And he sees the stairs and the railing and the balcony. So he literally does like the Jackie Chan thing

and he leaps three, four steps at a time. Hop, hop, up into the balcony. He uses his mobility feet, dashes at these stairs and then leaps into the air off the balcony coming down upon his foe. Off the top rope. Yeah. With Ork Splitter.

And he's going to attack her with a 19 to hit. Oh. Nine points of damage Mm-hmm Nothing Now for a second attack It makes a little bit more difficult You're out of movement probably

I'm just gonna run up and do it again No Falling can happen later Take your second swing in the air Twist around and do some cat shit Like this is all happening in six seconds Take your swings He's not wrong

Yeah that's a good point Fall later attack now Do some bugs bunning shit You got this I'm really digging it. Yeah. So you know what? That's great.

After Doran takes his first hit, he wriggles his body around mid-air and manages to continue the momentum of the axe. Hemming for the broom. Cool. Specifically her hands on the broom. That is a 20. Hey!

That's a 30 to hit. Wow. So I'm going to roll double my damage dye and add my modifier once. Yes, you are. I'm so proud. Oh, man, that's going to be... Six and a half.

For roundup, 29 damage. Oh. Doran, as Ork splitter bites into the wood of this walking stick turned broom, it splinters, underneath her, breaks and she falls. and I cut her hands off in the process. No, you don't. She's like, damn. Well done, Doran.

Wow. Doran lands on the ground on both feet and then sort of looks around in shock. Great job, folks. That was a great, great round. All right, Marie, what do you do? She sees this lady land and the wood falling around her

and Doran just sailing through the air both incredibly awkwardly and very gracefully at the same time it's like that's his four time it's like it's like yeah it's kind of like watching like a beautiful brisket sail through the air beautiful brisket that's just yeah like like you're at a really awkward barbecue and and i'm going to cast a guiding bolt nice so cool 23 all right how much damage damage and now she's also glowing because suck it. Hell yeah. She's been

invisible this whole time but now she's extra visible. Yeah. Or he reaches up and pulls back and casts forward this beam of light that shoots out and just nails her right in the chest. Look at her. She's pregnant and glowing. Jesus.

Jack. Jack pops the Spell Guard sphere out of his pocket and it starts to hum and ring and he tries to shake the soul out of her body if there even is one in there. But she could make me a wisdom save. DC 17, please. She rolled a 14.

16 necrotic damage. It starts to pull her life away. Jack backs away a little bit. It's Ossipeet's turn again. I will feast on your blood. Jokes on you, I taste terrible. No, thanks. Quick, more quips, everyone.

Keep quips and quips. Just get her out of here. Doran, you and I need to do one. probably bland to you. If we quit until we're out of time, she'll just have to die. Dasex, D.S.X. Um, yeah, she goes invisible again.

Ah, fuck this witch. But you can still pinpoint what square she's in. There's a mystical dim light glittering on her. Nice. And you still have advantage on them. Yeah.

Which will cancel out with a disadvantage. So you just have regular advantage. Regular advantage. Um, so Doran this glittering, invisible witch in front of you and she attacks you. Doran, a blast of cold air erupts out of the space in front of you, Doran, make a constitution saving throw.

Oh, chilly. But I think you're out of luck. He loves chili. Because that is a 25. Oh, dang. So you would have taken 32 damage, but instead you take 16. You picked the wrong con. And then she begins to move, you can see this like little sparkling outline begin to move into the back of the barn.

Red, it's your turn. Red pulls back, he's bow and fires. 17. Yes, you hit. Big numbers. Let's roast this witch. 23 damage. Pretty good.

Break that con. Break that con. Here we go. And let's see it. Do we break that con? Let's break that color. Naked Grandma! No.

The shimmering lights disappear. Okay, but I'm going to make an argument. You still know where she is. Yes. Yeah. Because Red, basically it's like, can you hit the same spot twice? For sure, for sure. I think Red can do that.

Yeah, but you still have to fire with disadvantage. That's what I, how, though? Like to me, the logic of, sure, at this point, Red can't see her, but Ray can definitely hit the exact same spot he just hit. Because that's the mechanics of invisibility. Bullshit. It's the whole point that you go invisible. It saved you just as many times

as it screwed us over. It saved to you. I rolled an 18 and a 19. Hey. Flip it back out of the carlachshops. Let it be known that Harlan is giving me the finger with both hands. Not you.

I'm giving the invisible creature. If you roll high enough, you could end the switch right here. Good. Do it. Fucking do it. Fuck the switch. I rolled the exact same thing. 23 damage.

23 damage. Red. The four. The form of the witch blinks into view as invisibility drops and her body falls to the floor. Her appearance changes as if her skin and clothes are melting away. Once a vibrant young woman, her arms and legs elongate and narrow, her fingers growing long black claws. her skin becoming modeled and translucent, pocked by boils and scabs. Her dead face is terrifying, thin lips pulled into a tight, wide grimace, showing dozens of

pointy teeth, globe white eyes staring up at the ceiling as she twitches her last. Her once fine dress is a tatter of rags. And from the rafters, veranda calls out of the darkness. Good riddance, mother. And fuck your sisters, too. As the sun sinks below the horizon, and darkness begins to reach out like a claw over slate fell, Town Square, three wagons stand, lit by the lanterns hanging from their doors.

It's a still, clear night, without wind or rain, but suddenly one of the lanterns flickers and goes out. Thank you once again to our wonderful Patreon supporters. Adam Frye, Amanda Kitchener, Amy Gaza, Anne, Cecil Lee Wilson, Jerry Rose Anderson, Christopher, Colin Burkhart, Crow, Cyprus Key, cytosine, DS, Danny, Default Trauma, Dippity, Elizabeth H, Emma, Ghost, Haley, Pop of the Marks, Heather Nichols, J., J.D., Joy Robinson, KR, KM, Kade, Kirsten Wolf, lasagna, last Ruth on the left, Leader J, Lizzie Demon, Lorelei Feldman, Matilda Rushing, Marie, Melinda Curley, Mills, Melissa, Merlin, Nimble Dingo, Reagan, Ren, Ruth Ann Reed, Scotty, Sky, Sray 96, Terabyte, Tony Pepperoni, Zander Morning Dove, and Zach House. Nice.

Thank you. One lantern out. You guys got two more. Way to go. Good game. Very cool. Great job, you guys. No, a new hardcore punk song. Good Wren's mother and fuck your sisters too.

Thought we just go to the lanterns and just put them out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just fucking auto win. Let's just do it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just go put some water. We just told us.

Let's just go there. Speed running. Nice. That seemed to work out perfectly. Excuse me. People come for the D&D. They stay for the burps. They come for the D&D, they leave because of the burps.

Yeah. I just can't listen to this shit anymore. You know some people have like audio phobias of that kind of stuff. Yes. To those people I say. But my counter argument, and I don't know why, because I shouldn't have to defend Alex, but is that it is very on character in Doran to be like, oh, look it over there. Like to me, it actually does add.

He's kind of like pig pen, you know what I mean? I don't enjoy it, and I don't enjoy when he does it. And I mean, okay, if we can put it up like this, I mean, I would burp before I would ever fart. Like, I don't think I'd ever fart into it. You know, I don't think that's a lot of spatial rearranging. Hold on. What is that, if we can put it up like this, what the fuck is the, what's the connecting tissue between those two?

I mean, I guess what I'm saying is I still have standards. I'm so glad we started recording to capture. So wait, you're saying, hold on. So you're saying, hey, at least you're getting a burp, but you'd never get a fart? I'm saying, yeah, yeah. I'm never going to shit myself on here. Like, I'm rude that I'll burp, but I'm not rude enough that I'll fart. Oh, so what you're saying is, don't worry.

This is rude, but it's not as rude as it could be. But we've definitely got audio of that somewhere in the backlog. Like, I know that's a thing. I mean, not only that, we definitely have visual of Alex going. Yeah, okay. I can just face seconds like this. Like in the background, I can't really help it. And then you always call him out on it too.

Because he pauses. He was like, I was waiting until, sorry. That's great. All right, where are we? Let's play this game. All right, ready? I guess Canon Doran doesn't fart, though. He doesn't have an asshole.

I'm just saying Alex isn't fart on. No, I think what you're saying is because burps are okay in Doran's voice, farts are not. I think what you're saying is that Doran canonically doesn't fart, or at least doesn't fart as much as he burps. I liked Joe's, I like Joe's interpretation that canonically Doran doesn't have an asshole. Just bum cheeks. Blushing bum cheeks.

Blushing bum cheeks. Let's do this. All right. I think Doran's actually going to try a deceit here, as if he's not preparing for attack, but rather he's some drunkard that's fallen asleep in the corner of the... A dwarf that she recognizes. Oh, she recognizes? The cat stuff.

Yes. Stans with his axe ready. I'm so drunk. I'm taking a piss, guys. Never mind. But it's also in keeping for dogs. Doran, to just be like in a random barn. She recognizes me?

Because Flycatcher was passing.