Dice Shame - 2-44 | 'The Midnight Carnival: 12 am'

Episode Date: June 29, 2023

Imagine your best game of D&D. The shocks, the twists and turns, the moments that can’t be caught because you just had to be there. That’s Dice Shame.Join our DM Jo, her husband Harlan, their brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they experience those unmissable, gut-wrenching, heart-aching, joy-filled moments.This legendary AP releases a brand new episode every Thursday morning at 1:20 am!Content Warning: swearing, violence, graphic descriptions of gore, mutilation and blood. Part of the Rusty Quill Network Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

These thoughts crept into my mind and spoiled me. I think we might have fucked up. Shoot your arrow at her. Yehah! Let's go. Get back inside. Go inside. You better get out here.

Thought you could get away, did you? Like a nightmare mist. Bring it on. Witch. I want him to lie. She's got me in her claws, Doran. The entire sky is red. Jack, I need you to do this.

Fucking 20. 20. Nice. Oh my gosh. God, Jack Page. Welcome back to Dishame. This is Season 2, Episode 44, the Midnight Carnival, 12 a.m. MVP this week is 42 is the answer, who recently joined the Discord and is working through our backlog.

They listened to the podcast on the way to work and said, It makes the drive so much better. Thanks, 42 is the answer. Yeah, thanks. Transparent cast is a brand new podcast featuring our incredible friend, Ash, a trans person, and their parent, Diane. Transparent, get it? Ah! Each episode starts with a listener-asked question and evolves into an educational advice show about gender and identity in the modern world.

You can listen anywhere you get your podcasts. All right, shall we do this? Yeah, let's play some dandy. Woo! Have you really been getting away with this for so long? Quite! Don't... I knew someone was wrong.

Okay. Okay, Miranda. I'm going. I'm moving. I'm going. It's nearly midnight. catches the chains that hang from the rooftops of slate fell, making them clank and jingle eerily. Past the frosted window panes of a lovely home. A fireplace casts a cozy glow

around a comfortable sitting room decorated with mismatched furniture, family portraits, and a warm rug. Seated in an armchair in front of the fire, a slender older woman with cropped white hair sits with a blanket over her lap and legs watching the fire. Opposite her her, Captain Bebe stands in a casual waistcoat, gesturing with the stem of his pipe and talking animatedly. And that's how I really began to get a feel for the position. You see, being Captain the Defense has only really became a dangerous job in the past little while. My forefathers used to tell stories of goblin raids. Like, they were great battles, were the fest tales.

And have you even fought a goblin? I mean, there are nothing to sneeze at, I guess, but not really like a giant. I guarantee you, they never even dreamed of the kinds of trouble we see these days here in Slateville. Of course, I guarantee you that you are, are safe here within our walls for as long as you choose to stay. A few of my soldiers asked if they might try to bring something by to show you their appreciation after second

watch, like some wine and grog and such. Salino nods at the captain and then picks up the cup of wine from a table at her elbow, lifting it slightly towards him in a casual toast. With such hospitality, how could I turn in early? It's been quite some time since I had the luxury of resting my bones in a home as comfortable and welcoming as this one. You are the consummate host, and your lovely wife as well. I will have to thank her again for the meal once she's roused tomorrow morning. I'm sure she'll be feeling much better with a good night's sleep, such as strange and sudden illness. Tell me, how did you two fall in love?

Surely there must have been so many women trying to catch your attentions. I do enjoy a good love story. And Bebe drops down heavily into the armchair beside her, a dreamy look on his face. Oh, uh... Truth be told, there's only ever really her. She always felt like wild to me, like untameable. Even after all our 15 years together, she... A knock interrupts Bebe's wistfulness.

Did you hear that? I think that was the door. I think someone's out the door. That'll be the soldiers for sure. Just a second. He excuses himself to attend the knock, and Salino's gaze drifts back to the fire, staring lazily into its depths. Though her face is lit by the flames, no warmth is reflected in her eyes. Muffled sounds from the front door echo through the house towards the living room, some raised voices, then the returning footsteps of Bebe and his company.

No, it wasn't them. But I'm, uh, I think you'll be interested in. what it is, what it really is. Salami. Salano. Apparently, there's some trouble brewing. Following closely behind Captain Bebe, Veranda walks in, pushing Jack Page.

Get in here, Jack Page of water deep. Oh, yeah. The wizard's hands are bound with rope, a deep bruise over his eye, and a nosebleeds streaks all down his mouth and front. Bebe settles against the near wall. with a hand on his sword. The halfling shakes her black hair off her shoulders

with an indignant huff. But you got to... Quiet, you. Veranda. Auntie, I need to speak with you. Alone. Yes. Captain, would you leave us?

Don't fall for it, baby. She's a witch. She's here to destroy your town. Quiet. Yeah. I'll go find where the kitchen is. I think I need a nail. Salino unfolds herself from her perch in the armchair and looms over you, Jack, as Bebe leaves the room.

Her menace is palpable. What is it, my child? Vranda begins to pace around the room, troubled, throwing glances at Jack, bound, and at her aunt. Auntie, I came across these adventures a few days ago. when I've been traveling with them. And they spoiled my mind. As you know, I've always had problems with the lifestyle that you've had for me,

with your dreams that I might join you with the work you had me do, but these thoughts crept into my mind and spoiled me. After they saw you follow me to Slatefail, they decided that they wanted to destroy you, and I helped them. We laid a trap for my mother, and they killed her in a barn, in town. And then we did the same for Alo, in the woods, but I knew something was wrong, and I captured the wizard. I've taken his orb. He's useless now.

There are three others. I left them just outside the wall. They think that I'm bringing you to them. But we have to make another plan. We have to escape. What should we do? Sweet, sweet child. And Salino reaches out and touches Vranda's face.

I understand your confusion, child. I'd long known that my sisters were plotting against me, as often happens when there is some rivalry. But, child, you must understand this is the order of things and the way it must be. You know that occasionally I would move your hand in certain ways, and perhaps this is an enacting of that same power. We can turn this situation to our advantage. I am confident.

Salino, you don't have long left for this world. How many more like them are there? How many more like veranda here? Poor changlings stolen from their cribs left with it. God knows what else there. How long do you think you can keep doing this? I'll show you, boy. Wait and see.

Every town across this whole land has been touched by this hand. Every village has a child waiting to become just like me. Not if they never wake up. If you're not there to wake them up, they'll just live their whole lives as people. They don't need to become monsters like you. I won't let that happen. Grand words from a man tied up. Maybe it's not going to be us.

that stops you, but somewhere along the line, your time's run out. I don't care how old you are. I recognize you for what you are, some creature from beyond. How much longer do you think I'll get away with this, Salino? I'm coming back in with my guards now. Bebe returns again with two soldiers clad head to toe in leather armor and deeply cowled in heavy winter cloaks against the weather. One of the soldiers is holding a dusty bottle of wine.

The other proffers an iced cake on a tray. They seem to take the temperature of the room and silently place their gifts down on a side table standing meekly to one side. Don't fall for it, baby. Guards, take his arms. And Bebe moves forward. As the guards move forward and grab you roughly by the arms, Jack.

You smell the familiar scent of Red's breath on your left side in the concerningly damp hair. hands of Mari on your right. Red dressed as one of the guards grabs one of Jack's arms, squeezing it tightly. She grabs Jack's other arm, but he can feel that it's like very damp coming through the glove. As a soldiers take Jack's arms, Bebe moves forward and in a heavy blow, reels his arm back and hits Jack's square across the face.

However, Bebe's body obscured. yours where Jack is sitting from Salino. As Captain Bebe's fist lashes towards Jack's face, the fist passes straight through Jack's head. Doran, being a small creature, has shorter arms than Captain Bebe does, and his real fist doesn't make it anywhere close to Jack's face. How many more are like Veranda? How many more children have you left out there? ready to spring in their communities devour their children. You witch.

Quiet, you. Before I land another punch upon your face right now. Yeah, Marie just pinches him just to like make sure that he reacts. And Red walks forward and just bangs Jack on the back of the head as well. Realizing this is his moment to get away with it. Seizing his opportunity.

He steps back. He wigs back at Mari. Yeah, Mari's just standing there and she just shrugs. Quiet, you! Piece of garbage! I suppose I'll leave him with you, Soleno. And just listen here.

When you're done with him, I want him alive because I'm going to string him up at the gallows? At the gallows. Red looks over at Veranda and gives her the knowing look. Veranda pushes Jack roughly forward to his knees and slides the wand into his hand at the same time. Jack feels Desan's wand and the ropes removed and he turns to Varanda and says,

is there any last words you'd like to say to this witch? Veranda Look Salino dead in the eyes and says I'll never forgive you everybody roll for initiative All right

Red what'd you get Red Ghana 16 Doren Seven Nice Jack 24

Nice Mari Jack, you are top of the order. Kick her ass, Jack. Jack nods at Ferranda and stands up pulling the rest of the rope off his wrists and bringing his wand out in front of him. And he points it at Salino and just says, this is over. Jack waves his wand and with a command,

these temporary little sprites summoned from another world filled with every bit of alchemical magic he can fill them with, start to tear into and where their teeth grab, just volts of electricity start coursing through her body for a total of 78 damage. Wow. Bolts of fairy electricity tear at this old woman's body, and she crumbles to the floor.

She manages to croak out, what have you done? Before she shudders out a gas. breath and lies still. Red, it's your turn. Red flips open his helm. I kind of imagine him wearing one of those, like, cliche medieval helmets that, like, slide up and you see his furry face.

He's like, what the hell just happened? Um, lady? And he looks towards Jack. He's like, she was the other witch, right? Veranda? Anybody? Jack? I don't know.

Uh, are you the bad guy? I don't understand. Did she say anything evil to you when we left the room? Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's clearly evil. I can't believe it. And he kicks the body. Your foot passes through her body.

She's not here. She's gone. And red steps forward into the body. As your legs pass into and through her form, this illusion disappears. What the hell is going on? Red looks out the window to see if he can see anything. Red. The sky above slate fell glows, a dusty red color.

The moon looks like it's hanging in a deep pool of blood. Uh-oh, guys. I think we might have fucked up. I'm pretty sure it wasn't that color when we came in. Red pulls off his bow, drops the helm, and turns to the others and says, This is about to get real. And he runs outside into the street. Salino is not dead.

She's standing in the dimness of the distant lantern light, in the red gleam from the sky, poker straight with her arms flung out to either side. Her hair is so long now, streaming out behind her in this white mane undulating, like it's serpents. And other people are moving. into the town square too, villagers and soldiers gawking up at the sky in awe and horror.

And meanwhile, a thin, red mist is crawling through the air towards her. A nearby villager is lifted into the air, and he starts to just contort in pain as his nightclothes stain through with blood in patches concentrating on his torso, and then the blood just starts to seep away from his body through the night air towards the body of the witch. Oh my God. Oh, my God. As a bonus action, Red is going to cast Hunter's mark.

Great. And Red fires at her. Roll to hit. That's 24 to hit. Yeah, you hit. Nice. Doing 24 damage. Hey.

Excellent. And Red will attack again. Okay, doke. Fourteen a hit? Mm-mm. Damn. The second arrow goes wide, and Red again calls to his friends, you better get out here!

And Red runs up against the side of a building, just try to get some cover from where she is in town. Mari, it's your turn. Mari looks at the window and she sees that horrible thing happen to that guy or his blood is pulled out of him. And she leans out, and she screams, get back inside, go inside at these people. I don't know if any of them actually listen or if they're being like magically drawn to her.

She and she pulls off the helmet and the cowl that's been hiding her. And she goes to cast guiding bolt. Brilliant. 19 to hit? You do. Oh, 25 radiant damage. Oh, yeah. Hey.

Well done. I'll join Red over there out of sight. Doran, it's your turn. Doran dashes out the door towards her and on his way still disguised. as Bebe, he yells, apprehend that woman. Being careful not to call her a witch, because that might just shove fear into people.

Because when she's floating in the sky, drawing blood from people, we don't want to swoop them any further. They've had a rough day. The entire sky is red. Doran drops to one knee, and his disguise dissolves, and he says,

I'm tired of looking like that, Bebe, it's time for me to get into action here. And he pulls his cross, bow off of his back and he lines it up and tries to take a shot with an 11 to hit. No, I'm sorry. And the bolt goes wide. She snatches the bolt out of the air and just breaks it in her hand and throws it to the side. Damn it.

I'm going to use my combat superiority and I'll turn to red and say, uh, red, shoot your arrow at her. All right, buddy. 17 to hit? Yes. Ooh. Hey. 21 damage. Nice. Jack, it's your turn.

Jack steps up to the window, pulls out his wand, and aims it back up at this witch across the way by the fountain, and flings a firebolt at her, doing his best to light her up. Heroically staying inside. Heroically staying inside. Well, likely misses it on it. It certainly does. But then he is going to make his way towards the door,

ready to spring into the square on his next turn, but still just slightly out of sight. Excellent. This is going to be bad. Hold on, Mari. I hope you got something good up your sleeve. Mm-hmm. She's just watching blood be sucked through the air,

like a nightmare mist. Suddenly, underfoot, red, Mari, and Jack. These squirming black tentacles erupt out of the ground underfoot and start grasping at you, leaving red welts where the suckers. contact your skin. How? Red, Mari, and Jack, all three of you are caught up in these terrible writhing arms.

She claws out at a villager and just dissects him. Oh, my God. Yeah. From chin to abdomen, she slits this man in half, basically, and all of his insides spill out all over the place. Holy shit Oh my God Oh my god Oh

Impressive I mean terrible Red it's your turn You have to make a dexterity saving throw please 17 So you are not injured or restrained by these tentacles red Humari grab onto this

And Red drags over a barrel To help her steady herself Oh Red moves just outside of the Influenced area and fires an arrow at her and I'm going to try to banish her she needs to make me

a charisma saving throw 15 oh it's 15 oh she succeeds damn and that was my last arrow yeah again she snatches the arrow out no it banishes the guy beside her yeah

that poor guy who got vivisected but hey honestly if it saves one person that would actually be a good thing yeah I like the arrow misses Salino but it hits the man beside her in the shoulder, he spins on his heel once and then just fucking disappears. Or how funny would it be, too, if it was like a melon, just, like, it makes a melon just banished to a realm.

The produce realm. This melon's seen some shit. Damn it. Red pulls on another arrow on fires. And that's going to hit with a 24. 25 damage. Excellent. Mari, it's your turn.

Make a dexterity saving throw. Oh, thank God. 21? Yeah, you're all right. Oh, thank God. Thank God I know my decks is good now. Some squid arms try to wind their way up your legs and you just kick them off. I'll do guiding bolt together.

Double guiding bolt. Yeah, yeah. Just keep lighten her up. All right. Marie reaches up in a shining bolt of light appears in her hand and she casts it towards Salino. And that is a 20 to hit. Yes. 19 points of damage.

Nice. Excellent. Well done. Deuce. Doran, it's your turn. All right. Doran is going to dash right up to this witch. Mm-hmm.

His little body kind of tumbles across the courtyard. And he gets right up next to her. And then he's also going to use his action surge. He uses his. two attacks, swinging his axe wildly at her. Rock and Rolls. Oh, you have advantage. Because of guiding bolt, so you get advantage, Doran.

Hell yeah. How's a 17? Hey! We know that one hits. Doing 16 points of damage with my first swing. Excellent, excellent. Doren lands that hit and stings her leg a bit. And that's going to be a 20.

to hit with another 16 points of damage and his blade of his axe slides through her other leg shaving a nice slice of flesh off of her shin. Prasuto. Who's up for witch beef? Even worse than that, Doran, your axe hits her body and bites deeply. And you fell the witch. Salino hunches. She drops to her knees.

bracing herself with a palm flat against the paving stones. Her sides heave as she pants in labored breaths. And then, just like her sisters, her body begins to change. The illusion of her fine clothes dissolves into tatters. Her long white hair reveals itself to be a nest of wriggling worms. And her skin, most horrible of all, appears as a patchwork of screaming skinned faces, eyeless and toothless,

but all of them moving as if alive. Her whole body is a chaotic landscape of grimacing fear. She picks herself back up a foot and a half taller than she was originally and roars at the sky. Jack, it's your turn. Roll a dexterity saving throw. I don't want to. You have to, though, is the problem.

Five. Five. Yeah, lay it on me. All right, Jack. You take nine bludgeoning damage, but you are restrained. Cool. Which is not great. So mid-panic attack, because these tentacles are taking him right back to the sewers

where he's being sucked underwater any minute now. and shove full of other awful bugs. Jack disappears in a poof of mist and stands up on his feet 30 feet closer to the witch, only to be confronted with this other awful, writhing, grub-filled form. It's just not good.

She's covered in skinned faces that are moving. Yeah, the, the bugs moving under skin kind of vibe is just so not good. I love this. Yeah, it's got some warnings on this episode. Jack's wand only shakes twice as he brings it up again to launch another firebolt towards this witch. What'd you roll, Jack? The firebolt goes wide again.

Clearly his aim is off from these tentacle monsters, but he sort of doggedly walks forward, trying to sort of get in between people in the market and this witch. In thick, fat drops, blood begins to rain from the sky. Surfaces that are out in the open are quickly covered in slippery blood. All movement from now on that's in the square is going to be considered difficult terrain as you could slip and fall if you would be moving any faster. Everything is just starting to accumulate half an inch of blood. Then Salino turns on you, Doran.

Her form is disconcerting, covered in these screaming faces. she reaches out to attack you. That's 28 to hit you. 15 slashing damage. And then she rolled a natural 20. No. Yeah. Don't love it.

32 slashing damage, Doran. Then she disappears and reappears directly beside you, Jack. Her worm hair reaches out and grasps you all. around your body. Let me go. 22 to hit you. Yeah, we'll hit. That's 19 piercing damage.

Oh. And you are grappled. Yeah, okay. You feel these worms sucking your blood out of your body and you watch as they drink it down into her. Red, it's your turn.

Red is going to cast Sleet Storm. Red reaches into his bag and pulls out the eyes room and points it. He says, Slate storm. Wherever you cast back. Like a fucking Pokemon.

Because he doesn't really know. He doesn't know how to do it. He's just like waiting. Like I gave you a book about this. Shut up, Jack. I'm saving your life. Mario's just like, that's not how this works. So along with the raining blood,

freezing rain and sleet fall in a 40 foot radius centered on a point that I chose within my 150 foot range. The area is heavily obscured and exposed flames or dows. So I hope in the obscuring. helps everybody, the people, and you guys escape. The ground is covered with slick ice, making it difficult terrain. When a creature enters or starts its turn, it has to make a deck save or fall prone,

and a creature concentrating on a spell has to do a constitution saving throw. Against my spell save DC or lose concentration. So when she starts her turn, she has to make a dexterity saving throw, or she falls prone, and she needs to concentrate with a DC-15. Cool.

frankly i'm kind of hoping like as red points out he's kind of hoping all these fucking villagers fall prone so they just like fall at a sight a little bit and like become heavily obscured in this mist and sleet storm okay okay yeah she should at least have trouble targeting them yeah good luck red uh turns to marr and he's like guiding bolt again and i can hit her if you guiding bolt i can hit her marie it's your turn the town square utter chaos right now. Apart from the blood rain that's covered everything, you look like a scene out of

Kerry right now. There is this cylinder of ice just pouring down. Well, I think it freezes all the blood. Yes. So, like, all the blood to our skin is now, like, crunchy and, like, hard. Mm-hmm.

It's, like, a ghastly snow cone. Every single thing is covered in this, like, thick crimson. It's almost beautiful, like, in how glittery it is, but it's also absolutely disgusting and terrifying and everything smells of iron. And you can't really see anything that's going on in there. So what do you do?

Mari reaches into her pocket and she pulls it a little jar. And in the jar are three spiders that she scoops out and places on the ground. And she just kisses one of her fingers and puts it on each of the spider's heads. And as she does that, they start to grow and they turn into giant spiders. They're just, they're huge and they're now coated in this thick layer of blood. They are truly nightmarish. But when they look at her, they look fine. They don't look aggressive.

They're waiting for her to tell them something. And she says, find the witch and stop her. And to one of them, she says, go get Jack. Very cool. It's your turn. What happens? I'm going to send in two of the spiders to go and attack. Salino.

I want to see if I can get her to drop Jack. Great. Spider-1 moves forward into the sleet storm. Yes. And senses

this witch. And it is going to attack her? Yes. All of these spiders have to make deck saving throws. I mean, they're pretty dexterous.

Yes, I just told a 21 on that one. Nice. Excellent. Well done. So that spider. That spider's got little skates. A 16. Spider 2.

yeah you're good my last one only rolled a 11 so that one is slip it and sliding and not doing very well the one that's trying to save you jack is prone no no that's okay so it falls prone which means it is going to cost half movement to stand up so you create these two giant spiders that take off into the sleet storm without a problem the third spider loses its footing and slides down to the ground. It's eight legs losing purchase, and then it manages to pull itself up. Got half movement left.

Spider number one, what does it do? Okay, so this first spider is going to try to bite Salino. 22 to hit? Yes. Seven damage, but you have to make a constitution saving throw that you're 100% going to make unless you roll a one. Roll a one. Roll a one.

It always happen. 12 oh shit okay so that's it for spider one spider two is going to use the web attack with her

I'm gonna see if I can restrain her great 18 yeah you hit so target is restrained by webbing excellent so she's restrained which means her speed is zero

she's not going to attack yeah final spider can it run over to jack and be like get on my back let's go what the hell is happening there's it If you guys seeing these other monsters in here, where did they come from?

I think I'm seeing teeth and webs. Quiet, it's fine. It's going to run over to behind Jack, and it gestures to Jack and, like, taps itself on the back. Like, hey, buddy. Jack can't see it. Well, what? It, like, he just gets poked by a long arm, but doesn't know what's happening.

Mm-hmm. It's, it's somehow also damp. Well, the sleet storm doesn't help. Mm-hmm. It's just hanging out, and it's like, come on, man, I'll help you out. Great spider turn, Mari. I like to award you inspiration for your freaky weird spider friends. God.

So, Doren, unfortunately, because you are in difficult terrain and a sleet storm, you have to make a dexterity saving throw to stay standing. Which you're going to do with a 14? Oh, wait, no. No. No, that fails. Oh, no. Doren, you fall on the ice.

But you get back up. And you splash in the blood. Doran, you all right? Yeah, I'm okay. I just, it's icy and slippery out here and I can't see anything and it sounds like there's a bunch of spiders walking around,

but that's just my imagination, I imagine. I love that Doran can just hear spiders. He's like, those are spiders. I know how they sound like. And Doran's just going to swing in the direction that kill a villager. He kills a villager and a spider.

She's got me in her claws, Doran. Don't hit me, please. But get her. So there's a number of factors affecting the swing that cancel each other out, which I really like. So you have disadvantage to hit her because you can't see her. But then she's also restrained. So you have advantage to hit her. So you're just rolling normal ass.

I'm going to use my bonus action to regain 1D10 plus my fighter level. Hell yeah. Ooh, good call. Good call. Jack? Yep. Steer clear for a moment. I'll do my best

But there's leachy faces Suck in my blood And I'm not having a good time That's gonna be it Maybe just end it for all of us 29 to hit Oh Now a 19 or a 20

For me is a crit You crit I did Hell yeah It's 29 to hit Fuck yeah it does 24 points of damage Was that you Jack

No Oh my gosh I've got all my limbs I think Borden 23 to hit Mm-hmm. 11 more points of damage. Okay, yeah, chopping away at this witch covered in blood and sleet and spiderwebs.

Jack, it's your turn. Huh. There's a lot of spiders around you. But it's not only that, because I think I have to see if I fall nine. Yeah, you fall down. And out of her grip. No. Right?

I'm going to try and break this crap. All right. Jack Noodle Arms page is going to stand up to this witch as he like struggles in her hair and the rain falling down on his face covered in bruises from his friends and his enemies. And he's going to try and stare in the direction she's at and just fucking shove. He's shoving with his mind telekinetically, but that's not really taking purchase because I can't see anything. So it's all, all arms, all pure Water Davian wizard athletics. Okay.

Don't you have inspiration? I just got some. I can, Jack, I need you to do this. Fucking 20. Nice. Yeah. Oh, my God. Jack Page.

Jack climbs up out of this lady's arms and like kips up back onto one of these spiders. Nice. Mi-ha! Let's go. You get too excited. I love this stupid game. You're not going to get me that way. Yeah, let's go, he says.

All right. The witch fails or concentration. The tentacles that are beside you guys disappear. Yay. Loop. She fucking vanishes. That's her turn. None of you see it.

Red, what do you do? Red stops concentration on Sleet Storm, and the entire circle of falling rain and ice disappears in an instant. All you see is Jack on a spider. Yeah. Oh, hi, Jack. Hey, where's the witch? I know I hit her. Where the hell did she go?

Doran? She was right in front of me, but she's not. There's these massive spiders here. What the hell? Yeah, Mari did that. Yeah, don't hurt my spiders. Oh. They're nice.

Doran, protect the villagers. I think she's using the villagers to heal. We've got to make sure that they aren't killed. All right, everybody, back into your homes, lock the doors. Don't let the witch in. Everybody, listen to me. Red scabbles up the side of a building. You need to leave this center square as fast as possible.

Run to your homes. Run out of here. Please, your lives depend on it. Reddy's going to ready his action, and the minute she pops back in, hit it with two arrows. Mari, what do you do? She sees Jack, and he's just a mess in every single variation of that word, just in every way. And she reaches up a hand and gently throws this ball of light towards him that lands and just spreads out across him.

I'm going to cast Healing Word. Amazing. 15. Up to 27. That's better. Yes. And you're invincible. The spider with Jack on him, I'm going to bring him to bring him over towards us.

And then the other ones are just scuttling. They're trying to see if they can find her. Can I, like, pick up people and, like, pull them out of the way? Can I, like, scare off villagers? You can definitely scare off villagers with your spiders. Get these people out of here. Cast them away. Yeah, great.

You thin the crowd somewhat with your spider helpers. All right, Doran, what do you do? I'll defer till after. I mean, there's no witch to hack. Cool. Blood is just raining down on your faces, soaking your clothes, and everyone just waits in silence for this monster to return. And she does. Directly beside you, Mari, the witch peels herself out of some other dimension, and you see up close for the first time her skin writhing with all of her. these peel faces.

Oh, my gosh. Red getter, please. Red fires at her from like two feet above. From like the roof. You just like point blank fires two arrows directly at her fucking forehead. That's going to miss for the three. Come on. A natural 20.

Whoa. Hey, yeah. Daddy's got a brand new. Well, it's funny because I missed the first one, so it kind of bounced. Yeah, that first one is like stuck in. Mari's hair now. 28 damage. Nice.

Funk. Because I let it loose. Red is now your turn. Look up here. You witch. There's a bonus action. I'm going to cast fairy fire on her. She needs to make a dexterity save.

If only she was still in sleetstorm. Have you considered casting that? I can cast it again. No. 13. That she fails. Does she? She gets outlined in fairy fire. And this and the next attack.

take advantage. Hey, she witch, suck on this. 18 hit? Mm-hmm. 30 damage. Nice. And I attack again. 22. Yes, you hit. 20 damage. Excellent. I assume you're staying where you're at? Um, does she look angry at me? She looks pissed. Mari, it's your turn. This is truly a nightmare, but I'm going to guiding bolt her straight in the face. I It's a 25. You're great, you do.

Oh, that is 19 damage. Mm-hmm. And for my bonus action, because I do not like standing this close to her, and it sucks, I'm casting Misty Step. And I'm moving away from here. Well done. All right. Spider-1 rolled a 14.

Failed. So it's just going to run over and then just sort of stand there awkwardly, like a kid at a a party. Spider 2 rolled a 21. That hits. So that's going to hit. And Spider 3 rolled a 17. And that hits as well. Yes. Okay, so two spider hits.

So total in that, she's taking 15 damage from both those spiders. Good stuff. Doran, what do you do? You can't escape me. And he dashes up. Doran like sees the witch appear and the spiders start to attack her

and he's reinvigorated. And he dashes across the square and thought you could get away, did you? That's going to be a 20 to hit. Yes. 20 damage on that first hit. Excellent. I took off both your legs last time and hopefully I could do it again. Hacks through one leg.

Do I use my last lucky here or just accept it? Yes. Slash that witch. Okay, that's all my luckies used up. 15 to hit. No, you missed, Doren. All right, Jack, it's your turn. Killer Jack.

I sort of walk through the mud and the slush until I kind of got a line of sight on her between two of these big spiders. Yeah, their legs are like churning up the blood underneath them and you can see her sort of through their moving limbs. And pull out the spellguard sphere in my hand and sort of spin it a little bit and it starts to ring and tries to pull some of her

awful soul energy into me. If she could make me a wisdom saving throw, 17, please. Yep. Seven. Nine necrotic. damage. Okay, good stuff. The witch vanishes from in front of the spiders and reappears up on the rooftop. Is that a spell? Counter spell it. You can try. Yes. I'd love to try. It's a spell of more than third level. It is not. So then it's counterspelled. Boom. Cool. Yeah, so I'm really paying

attention to all of the changes in the weave and before she even moves to cast the spell, I've seen it and like stretched that part of magic out and just made it inert before she can even reach for it. Amazing. Thank you Jack. I like to imagine she appeared right beside Red and he's like, huh, and then she goes to be yanked back down. And then she pops right back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I was... You're not going anywhere.

Get down. Well, unfortunately, she's going to have to take the attacks of opportunity, but she's still going to climb up the fucking house because she has a climb speed. Stay down. She's going to take attacks of opportunity, I assume, from Doran and three spiders. Yes. Yep. But she's going to climb up the house to get

to you, Red. She can try. It's going to be a 23 to hit for me. I rolled a 20 for one of the spiders. Hey! Crit spider. Yeah. Critical spider hit.

Fuck yeah. Crit spider. I love you. Crit spider, on a fucking spider bite. Yeah. I rolled another 20. Yeah.

She's going to try to climb up this house and just perish on the way up. I told her. I was like, you're going to try, lady. You're going to try. Mm-hmm. How much damage? Total. Just give it to me. 14 points for me.

Excellent. Between the two spiders, that's 35 damage. Fuck, yes. Wow. They're just going at her. They're just swinging and biting and... Epic. Yes.

You want to climb? That's our business. She tries to turn tail and climb up this building. And with each hand over foot, she takes another bite spider after spider attacking her. and then the bite of Doran's axe, but she manages to barely pull herself up onto the roof, and Red is standing there. Then she attacks him. Bring it on, witchy.

Red, 24 to hit you. That hits. 27 piercing damage, Red. Oofa. Ouch. As her hair grapples you and starts sucking the life out of you. Then she tries to hit you with her claws. Bring it on, which? Uh, 17 to hit.

Hard miss. Oh! And finally, 21 to hit. Miss. No! Yes. How? I want it to.

What's your AC? I just do it her right here. My AC right now is 22. I have multi-attack defense. When I get hit once, my AC jumps. Plus four. That's awesome. So, and just the first time it's worked.

18. That's great. So just because of this, I take the one hit and then red light gets extra defensive and it jumps four points to 22. Hell yeah. That's the first time this is worked. I'm really happy. Heck yeah. The witch's claws reach out towards your scalp.

As these worms suck on your flesh red and drain your life force, you see her. getting stronger, and she reaches out towards you with her claws. Yeah, but Red wraps his arm around one of the things and pulls her like even closer, and it like throws her attack off, thinking that she would have the distance, and I like, pull

her right up until she could smell my breath and I'm like, Carnival's overhag. It's your turn, Red. Red pulls out his rapier, which he's called Witt. He pulls it out and he drives it into her belly at point blank rate. Dirty 20 to

Yeah, you hit. How much damage do you deal? 14 damage. The witch's body starts to grow. Her flesh bulging and swelling until she fucking pops. Like an overfilled mosquito in a shower of blood and gore.

Red, you are splashed all over with just a shower of blood. The town square is still. Villagers standing around in shock and revulsion, not sure what the hell just happened. Blood dripping from eaves and running in sluces through the cobblestones. And on the wagons of the midnight carnival, the final lantern.

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Dove and Zach House Woo Woo 14 hit points left and you hit her with exactly 14. Wow, that's good. Yeah, really well done. 252.

That was very lucky. And the only time I get to use that. That was her, I mean, that wasn't even her total. That was her final form. Yeah. Wow.

Good Lord. Great job, everyone. Marathon session. I mean, not like we used to do, but in terms of what we've been doing these days. It's good. Dorn like flopped back.

That was, sorry? Dorn and flops back. flopped back on the ground lying in the blood. It's over. It's done. Yeah, the blood slowly stops raining in all that crap. The challenge here is we probably don't want to destroy Bebe's house. It's the real...

It's such a nice house. I think we should. I think it'd be very funny. It's definitely real blood on your face, though. I know, Red did it. I want an after-credit scene literally. that flashes back, where Red's like, where it's like, okay, just hold still. You already hit me once.

Doran's going to hit me once. And Mari's going to like, that doesn't look realistic. She's going to hit me once. And Red's just going to do it because, like it's, I was out hunting. Did I miss it? I like to imagine that Marry was like putting, like using like some sort of like, like Barry just like put the bruise on his face. Drewd craft stuff.

And then Red comes in and he's like, oh, are we doing this? And he just decks him. Yeah. Awesome in the face. Now it looks real. Oh, what? Oh, my God. You punched me like five minutes ago.

Don't say you don't leave a wealth. Shut up. I'll punch you again. You weren't supposed to punch him. He deserved it. You don't understand. There's like 150 episodes before you came into the picture. He deserved it.

You know how it is when there's like a car crash and like everyone's like, what's going on in this? Whoa, blood rain. I've never seen that before. I guess, but we'd be standing. around when you're like when there's like a train crash and these guys are happening like and you're yeah man like five people run away and then six people run out of their homes like oh my god i just saw my friend get sliced in half i'm going to go see if i can carry his body back inside or have affected brian yeah people are the worst