Dice Shame - 2-5 | 'Draw the Crabs'

Episode Date: September 29, 2022

Imagine your best game of D&D. The shocks, the twists and turns, the moments that can’t be caught because you just had to be there. That’s Dice Shame.Join our DM Jo, her husband Harlan, their brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they experience those unmissable, gut-wrenching, heart-aching, joy-filled moments.This legendary AP releases a brand new episode every Thursday morning at 1:20 am!Content Warning: swearing, violence, horror, mental illness, animal death and suicide.Part of the Rusty Quill Network Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

this is gross yuck and i'm just gotta hope there's not another one you better not miss red hi jack did you just leave yeah sploosh sploosh motherfuckers thanks buddy wow that was amazing actually doran you're short enough mary crouch oh thanks let that damn snail wash into the old bay and let's get out of here turbo is a great movie enough with the puns dorin we stand a cowardly wizard here's what i do mary it's okay i've got this it's fucking natural one hey there we go i'm not shaming this dice it's too beautiful Well, what you do is just tell the audience, I'm playing with a plain white one. That rookie die over there. It's just a normal plastic dice.

For shame. Welcome back to Dice Shame. This is Season 2, Episode 5, Draw the Crabbs. MVP this week is Anders Bergstole, who's just a game. joined our Facebook group and left a really wonderful introductory message. Anders wrote, A hearty hello from the chilly mountain ranges and green fjords of Norway to you. As a dedicated listener throughout the past one and a half year,

Dysheim has given me countless laughs, tears, and joy on both sunny and gray days. And I wanted to personally thank you all for dedicating your valuable time into making something so awesome and for many listeners so meaningful. Never stop. Thanks, Anders. We won't. Looking for more spooky content this Halloween season. For the past few weeks, we've been streaming every Wednesday at 8 o'clock on the Invictus Stream with our friends, Emily Kellogg and William A. Wellman from Parkdale Haunt and Hello from

the Hallowoods, respectively. Join us for Call of Cthulhu, The Haunting of Black Reef, as we dive into the horrors and real-life mystery surrounding the mysterious deaths of four children in the town of Black Creek. You can catch us every Wednesday night at 8 o'clock on the Invictus Stream YouTube channel. It should be fun. All right. Let's get down to business. Let's do it. So Dungeons and Dragons is more prevalent than ever.

It is. I've heard that. Yeah. Like everybody and their brother. It's very prevalent. And yet I still am the biggest nerd at work. Are you? And I work in a recording studio full of audio nerds.

And I'm still the one who's like, sorry, guys, I can't stay for a glass of scotch. I got to go. record Dungeons and Dragons podcast where I'm a druid, ha. No one invited you. I guess the most traditional depiction of a nerd, though.

It's true. It could be a nerd about anything as we talked about you before. This is true. I mean, I would see, like, to me, nerd is synonymous with, like, math. Like, to me, that's the quintessential nerd.

I feel like Dungeons and Dragons player is kind of iraniously connected to nerddom. So rebellious now. Which is really just you're saying you're bad at math. Yeah, I am. We all know I have a big calculator. I would say someone who's really good at, like, math or physics or something, I would call them like a geek.

And then a nerd to me is someone who is, like, more really knowledgeable about something kind of, I guess, like, more esoteric. It's too complimentary for us. Isn't a geek, like a side show person who bites the heads off chickens? Yeah, it is. Etymology is weird in general. Words have many meanings. Let's go down that trail, Rob.

Is that what they're talking about, the geek squad? They just come to your house and bite the head off chickens. Hey, we're here to fish your computer. It's really gruesome. Is your internet down? You're like four? They show up, they're like, hey, is that a budgie over there? They're like, like, don't.

I'm just going to do it. Covered in blood. It's our fourth stop today. It'll run around like that for a while. Do geeks need to be chickens, or can they be any fowl when they bite the heads off? It's very foul, no matter what they're doing. Oh, it can be lots of different things. Does it even have to be a fowl, biting the heads off of a squirrel?

Who bites the head off of a squirrel other than Gullum? Apparently, geeks do. He'd do it. He's a fucking freak. Real-life Gullum. Speaking of Golan, has anybody watched The Rings of Power yet? Oh, no. I heard it's good.

Is it delivering everything you want from a story? in that universe. It's delivering everything I want from a story in that universe. Yeah. I don't think it's good for everybody. It's definitely good for me. I want to try. I want to try.

But my big concern is that I'm one of those people who like watches the breakdowns of all the lore in like the Silmarillion. And it's like, oh, yes, tell me more about the history of Mithril. Yeah. But to me, it's just more of the same, right? Like I would say so far it's more Lord of the Ringsy than. Lord of the Rings was. Yeah.

In terms of it, kind of not giving a fuck with like the pacing and stuff. Yeah. Like, Lord of the Rings starts off with like, in the beginning, there was this age and da-da-da-da.

It does do that a little bit, but it's also really boring already. Yes, I heard it's boring. There's something to be said for when a billionaire buys the rights to a movie or something, you know,

it's not like Tim, Tim Burton, I almost said Tim Horton. It's not like Tim Horton's not like Tim Hortons buys the Lord of the Rings and you have to get like a timbit Bally, like, you know.

Would you like Golem Timbitts? The new chicken sandwich, raw and wriggling. I don't know that got me. It's not like Tim Burton says, I'm going to make this movie. And then so it's like it's got all of his, like I'm sure, I guess the point I'm trying to make is I'm sure Jeff Bezos didn't buy Lord of the Rings and go, I'm going to make it just how I want it. He probably was like, yeah, add it to the time. No, he's already in it as Gallum. He didn't get the Silmarillion.

He only has certain properties. So that's why it's like so weird and like the ages of. are smushed. Ah, interesting. No, but I hear what Alex is saying, and you're right, because it's not like he's putting it through a funnel of like, oh, this is going to have Johnny Depp in it. Like Sam Ramey, for example. Or Sam Ramey, yeah.

Sam Rame, when he did Spider-Man. It was like, he got it and he did it. But there's a difference between Sam Ramey, who was the director of that movie, and Jeff Bezos, who owns the company that owns the company that's putting that movie on TV. That's what I'm getting at. Jeffrey Bezos is not directing the show. Well, but see, here's the problem. I think Alex accidentally stumbled into a perfect example with Tim Burton because Tim Burton didn't direct the nightmare before Christmas and yet it reeks of his style because he produced it.

My point is this though. It comes to a head with this comment because you can then probably has some like potential fanatic like Lord of the Rings like real specialists that know the books inside out that have made this. You know what I mean? Versus I could be entirely wrong but versus some person that's just got the rights and has made. a movie based on what they... It smells like Lord of the Rings to me. That's what I mean, right? That's all I need.

Book pages and elven farts. Here's the thing. You could bring in the most knowledgeable person ever. It's still going to be like kind of boring. Oh, yeah. And that's coming from someone who fucking loves Lord of the Rings. It's going to be kind of boring. There's a lot of shit there.

So I wonder if they brought in like an expert when they were making... An expert. When they were filming this. An expert. Yeah, just a guy with an axe. Do it. Oh, don't put that on the page. And if you do, I'll show you what will happen.

No, but it's interesting because we are sort of in a high fantasy renaissance right now. You know what I mean? There's the Lord of the Rings. There's the D&D movie. There's also the Willow series coming to Disney Plus, which I saw that. I was very surprised by it because I liked Willow. You too. I don't know.

Two days ago, they just released the trailer, and it looks awesome. Yeah, it looks like just a homebrew D&D campaign. It's got like trolls and goblins. I feel like we're on the backside of this. I got to go and watch Witcher first maybe to catch up on where the... I never finished Game of Thrones. I feel like I've missed the sort of ramp up

into the latest fantasy, like, movement. Game of Thrones is irrelevant of its setting. Game of Thrones is a political... It could be House of Cards. Honestly, the fantasy has such a small role in it. It's like saying Walking Dead is a horror show. Like, you're not missing anything. But I guess those are the fantasy elements

that you wouldn't be able to transport. Like, they did that. They took... What was that movie? with Will Smith, I think it was, where they took the fantasy and they put it in today's world. Independence Day. Hitch? No, bright. I think it was right. But where, you know, it's set in today's setting, but it's a fantasy because it's got all the fantasy creatures.

I don't think anyone will hold that up as a, like, a shining example of it. No, I never said that it was anything. Because it's not very good. But you could take the Odyssey and make, oh, brother, we're out though. Right. Which are both very fantastical movies telling the same story. the same kind of fantasy set in a different version of a setting. Fundamental players in The Odyssey are human,

and they're passing through these fantastical obstacles and these fantastical lands, whereas the very nature of Tolkien is you're setting a foot in a world that is sort of foreign, and the characters you connect with aren't even you. They're hobbits. There's something else. New Zealand's not that foreign, Harlan.

You can go there. All right. So Aragorn's a human. He's just a new minori. He's like 80 years old. He's like, he is a superhuman. And all I mean, it's a low fantasy setting. It's by definition a low fantasy setting.

They like normalized it so that like bankers would be watching Game of Thrones. Exactly. And then they might go, what else is in this genre? Yeah, it's a really nice. Same people who would never have thought to watch the Lord of the Rings, you know. There's tits in it. Did you feel protective of your chosen media type? when all of these usurpers, these like normies...

It's a good name for usurpers. Kind of came up on your favorite territory of media. I'm a much more guarded person at work. I was just happy to ask them questions about it and see what they were getting out of it. I think when it's a decision, gates open, come on it type stuff. I just want to say that I'm an idiot and I said that Eragorn's new Minorian.

He's a dunedine. I can't believe this is... I'm so glad I was so glad. I said it. I said it then afterwards, I was like, I was like, oh, my God, I'm too worked up. I'm getting my facts wrong. And that's what gets dice shame canceled.

I was going to say something. I didn't want to, like, you know, start an argument. My nerd creed. My nerd cred is it floats out the window. Oh, no. I got to go give a guy a swirly now. Excuse me. I got to go slick my hair back.

My favorite thing to do when I watch the Lord of the Rings movies is that moment when Elrond is going, Is Sil Dor and yelling at him to, like, throw the hair back. the ring and if you scream you dickweed right afterwards it fits really well so it's so no you dick weed my favorite is to nudge the person sitting next to me and say hey hey did you know aragon broke his toe there anyway high fantasy renaissance the d and d movie uh willow i'm here for it and i feel like it's happening i feel like if this is successful and honestly the other reason i'm i'm excited to hitch my wagon to rings of power is they signed up for five seasons so this isn't like you get invested and and and

of season one he gets canceled because they're not making enough money no they like put the bank behind this they're like we are at least going to tell a five season arc and to me that's like okay cool then they're not worried about trying to rush stuff before the first you know episode and isn't that just amazing we've covered that off in our own medium right here you know like we are signed up for a 20 year contract 20 year commitment that's right in blood so so you know that's what the listeners get to expect the patrons are just as just as excited to learn as we are that they can't get out now the blood pact has been signed and uh anyway should we play some d and d oh yeah let's do it sure let me think about it on board it's too nerdy okay so just so that we all know what's going

on you are being surrounded by terrible lobster monsters and both Doran and Mari are being held in constricting, smashing claws. A little help here, please, anyone? We're trying, we're trying. Doran, it's your turn. I'd help you in a pinch, but I'm feeling a little clamped. This is not a time for puns. I'm sorry.

It was right there, and I normally don't have such luck. Sorry, he's being so shellfish. Oh, you win. Just shoots you the dirtiest look. Doran, it's your turn. You are grappled. What do you do? Oh, is my turn?

Sorry, it's just sorry. Oh, yeah. So you're playing Doran Iron Fist. Okay, let me introduce you to this. Yes. You are the dwarf fighter. Smash that axe. I can probably still attack.

I just can't move. That's right. You can attack. Yeah, you know what? I'm just going to attack. Do it. So I'm just going to attack this monstered. That's right.

I said monstered. With a 25. Yeah, you hit. Doing 11 points of damage. Doren brings his axe up and smashes it down To the head of this crab monster In second time with a 12 to hit You do not hit

The Carapus rebuffs orc splitter And she growls in frustration Doran growls back in frustration That's it for me Okay Top of the round Jack Page Jack Page

You have cowards successfully through your first round of combat yeah having watched poor kieran get destroyed one more time yeah your dog is dead he's now got a really good look at this lobstrosity in front of them the critter who's standing up their tentacles and pinchers and all that nice nice is there anything i can discern about them having this real too up close and personal look to see if i can place them they hate butter melted butter you've never seen these creatures before but you can definitely try to make some deductions about their abilities make an... I'd love to.

History check? Sure thing. I've read lots of books about the weird shit in the sewers here. How do we like 26? 26 is great. Yeah. First of all, they probably don't speak at all based on their mouths of tentacles you watch

as they are writhing all over Mari's face. This is gross. Yuck. Secondly, based on the way, that they closed in on your party, you figure that they can actually perceive something about you apart from your physical existence in the world. It almost reminds you of the way that you were honed in on by that tomb tapper. Do you remember back in the netheries spire?

I do, yeah. It's very disconcerting. Okay. Additionally, they're clearly not hindered by the water as they are swimming and walking equally easily. Mm-hmm. Do I have a sense of what I heard them be called or referred to anything in these textbooks? Nope.

All right. You've never seen them in a textbook. You're just making smart deductions based on your observations. Well, based on that, Jack disappears into a burst of blue mist. Bye, guys! He just leaves. Bye, guys. And he reappears 30 feet away behind the one that's sort of threatening him in the water,

which is gross. and awful. As he appears, he's got Dizan's wand out, and he points it, and cast fireball. And so I'm going to try and firebolt this guy from behind. The one that just decapitated your dog? Yeah. Avenge me, says Scrappy Doe. Does a 20 hit? It does.

15 fire damage. Excellent. And Jack has on a ring of swimming and is remarkably adept in this ugly soupy water to move 40 feet away into the darkness, putting them out of the range of my dark vision, but hopefully out of the range of them for a minute. You do a gross fucking back crawl through this sludge. Yeah. Like so graceful.

It's shallow enough to walk in, but you're choosing to swim because that's faster. Yep. And I'm just got to hope there's not another one. Ew. That's my plan. Great. I love that. So you, you're gross and you don't see them anymore.

That's the worst part is that you hear the battle still happening. Yeah. But you don't see it anymore. Red, it's your turn. You watches Jack again. Fucking Banffs away. Bye, Jack. Go again.

Maori, no! Red turns to the one that has Maori in its grasp, and he fires an arrow at it. It needs to give me a charisma saving throw. Okay. not the most charismatic creatures I'm counting on it may alarm you to know 10

fail all right the creature disappears completely it is banished for one round whoa just in a flash

it disappears and Mari falls to her feet on the side of the thing wow get up Mary this thing isn't over that was a neat trick at the end of its next turn it'll come back Okay. Good to know.

Get up, Mary, and Redd helps you up. For the first time, she's just really mad. Use that anger, Mary. Look at me. Use that anger. You know what? I really do not need this right now. Use that anger. Help us here, Mary. We need you. And I'm going to fire at the other one that she cast Guiding Bolt on. So that gives me advantage? Yes.

That would be a three and a 23 to hit. You do. Kick his ass. Here's what I. do, Mary. That's the one that's holding Doran, I believe. You better not miss, Red. I don't miss. Red says, as he whispers to the arrow and fires it at this thing for 29 damage.

Holy shit. Holy. The creature takes the hit right in its chest, but somehow it still holds on to Doran. One of its legs twitching wildly. You seem to have hit some kind of nerve bundle or something. Ow! He's pinching a little harder now. Very cool.

We got this, Mari, and he puts a hand on your back. We got this. Mari, it's your turn. You see this creature just disappear and drop you, and then red fires again, and what do you do? She turns around, and she looks to where Jack was, and she just is mad. She thinks he just left and is sore and mad, and she takes the dagger, and she walks up to the one that's holding Doran and goes to, like, just find any. crack in the carapace and jam that thing in. Uh-huh.

Rolled a hit. It's okay. I've got this and you don't have to, don't worry about me. 18. You do hit. Nine. She's just holding it in and hoping that it lets go of Doran.

Amazing. What are you going to expect this thing to continue to do damage after you just leave it in there? The point of the dagger finds its way in between two chitinous plates and it just stabs in there. And then a couple of rivulets of this goo begins to flow out. And then, like everything else you touch with the dagger, it begins to sprout growth. And you see one of the plates of the creature's armor begin to shift as underneath,

inside its body, a vine is beginning to grow. She's just holding it and watching. The creature does not have a high enough intelligence check to understand what is going on. So it's not going to try to, like, claw it out. of the way instead on its turn it's just going to try to cut you in half that's oh no i should have expected that so tend to hit you so the misses yeah you miss misses and the other pincer is actually occupied with dorin yeah well that's right oh that's right i'm in there the creature then dorin swings its pincer towards you and tries to hold you in a two-handed grip oh oh

I don't like where this is going. Man, that's a 14 to hit. That misses. And then make a Constitution saving throw against poison. Constitution saving throw. You feel these weird tentacles try to wrap around the back of your head. And actually, I am what to poison. What's the?

Poison is resistant. Resistive. So roll two D20s for your save and take the higher. That's going to be. 17 to save. Yep, you are totally fine. Excellent. So that's the first creature.

Oh, wow. Oh, no. Jack, you may be pleased to know that one of these peels off from the group and begins to scuttle towards you down the hallway. I mean, pleased is a really funny way to describe that, but it's at least scuttling. Oh, no, that's way too close. It gets right up on you as you are swimming through the sludge. It likes swim, too. It loves to swim and it loves to eat people, but unfortunately it's not close enough to you to be able to eat you yet.

The remaining creatures begin to swarm around you, Red, Mari, and Doran. Bring it on, turkeys. Yeah, come on. Let's fight. Turkeys of the sea, I mean. Mari, one of them takes two swipes at you with their pincers. A 12 to hit? Nope.

And a 17 to hit. Damn it. You take 13 bludgeoning damage and you are grappled again. God damn it. Mari, this creature grabs at you with a claw and then grapples it. And then the other creature comes back from the plane of existence in time to land on its companions back. And it rolls off into the sludge beside just as the other creature comes around approaching Red. Snappy, snappy.

Red, it tries to attack you with its. Try it, you bastard. Can you tell the pincer movement they're doing here? 16 to hit. It misses. Try again, you loser. Natural one. Hey.

Fuck you. Red says and gives it a furry middle finger. Eish. All right. Doran, what do you do? You are being cuddled by this creature. You better let me go. Hey, Doran, these fuckers want a taste of axe.

Give it to him. It's going to get it. Axe going to give it to you. I'm going to re-roll this with using my last lucky. Okay, better. That's going to be 18 to hit. Yeah, you hit. And 12 points of damage.

Whoa, Doran, you smash through this creature's carapace with your axe, and as you do, vines spring out from everywhere. Whoa. And it just drops you into the sludge and dies. Eat some of that. And Doran pops up from the sludge. Wow, that was amazing. and it immediately scrambles back up onto the ledge. Swamp thing.

To attack the creature that is holding Mari. Yep. 19 to hit. Mm-hmm. And that's doing, oh, 18 points of damage. Nicely down. As Doren slams his axe into the legs of this thing, cutting off a few as they squiggle and squirm off into the water.

Dorn, what does it look like when you kill this creature? Oh. Double kill. Two legs go wall. off. Whoa. And then I realized that I didn't just cut the legs off. I took a big chunk out of the side, including it's vital organs.

And it just stops moving and drops, Mary. There you go. Thank you for your help. And that's for you. Now, let's kill those other ones. Jack, you are ears deep in this sludge and you hear it moving through the water towards you as you swim away. It gets right up on you. What happens next?

Well, to see what kind of options I have open, Jack just presses out with his mind to try and push this thing away from him. Just try to telekinetically shove it back. It can be a strength save as a bonus action for me. Fucking natural one. Hey, there we go. I'm not shaming this dice.

It's too beautiful. Well, what you do is just tell the audience, I'm playing with a plain white one. That rookie die over there. It's just a normal plastic dice. For shame. Move that critter five feet away from me. please get that thing out of here get that thing out of here get this shit away from me get out of here

get that thing back where it came from also help me i mean i think the move now is to swim farther away pull out the spellguard sphere start a new life put the spell guard sphere and just try and suck the energy out of this thing i'm gonna toll the dead uh can it make me a wisdom saving throw please just like sucking the meat out of a lobster's legs ew yeah true though natural 20 Dang it. That's like one of those lobsters. You just can't get the meat-in. Well, then I'm going to swim 40 feet away.

You're swimming farther away? 40 more feet away, please. Bye, guys. Bravely ran away. Brave, brave, brave. There was a big dollarist hum. You can tell Jack's alive. Don't worry, guys.

I'm still here. Totally still here. I'm just being pragmatic about this all. Until Red can scoop in and save me, please. I made the. map bigger so that Jack can retreat even farther away. We love to see it. You're now in the white space on besides the map.

We stand a cowardly wizard. Red, what do you do? I better save Jack. I'll make my friend Rob happy. There's three creatures left. Two beside you, Red, and one chasing Jack down the tunnel. Scaddling. Scuttling.

Scuttles. Chippoo-chippishing of the water, too. I just... So I'm going to move back, taking the attack of opportunity. Excellent. From this creature. Yeah, the creature swipes at you with its claws. You better hope it doesn't hit because it'll pinch you.

Ooh, 15. Miss. All right. So Red disengages and it swipes and it misses. Then I'm going to cast as a bonus action, Hunter's Mark, on the one between myself and Jack. Then I'm going to move back to the far side of the water to get a good distance. Roll to hit. Hey, Quarry, it's your boy, Red.

17 a hit You hit 25 down Hey nice Nice And I will attack again Ooh that one probably doesn't hit With a 15

It does not Damn Second arrow goes wide Splooshes into the gross sewer water I want that back I'll get it Mari it's your turn

There's one dude right up on you And another one Five feet behind The one that's coming up Towards me She's so over it and she casts polymorph on it. Whoa.

What a cool spell? 16 wisdom saving throw. Okie-doke. I can't wait to find out how this works. 15. Oh, nice. Thank goodness. She locks eyes on it.

It looks at you. You look at it. And this shimmering golden sheet just erupts and she throws it up in the air and it lands on the thing near her and it turns into a tiny little sad-looking, like just a little snail. Just a little snail.

I thought you're going to say a baby seal. And then we club it. And then I was going to smash it. It's depressing. Everything's taken a real rough turn in this game. All right. You turn the creature into a snail and it floats on the surface of the sludge.

Yeah, the target is assuming. the hit points of its new form well done mary the snail is so small that it begins to be carried downstream with the current it just can't handle it it's just a stupid little snail sorry our snails but it's just a stupid snail dumb snails go back to your subreddit you're just a stupid little all the snails who listen to the show i'm sorry we're sorry we love gastropata we're just you know this one specifically turbo was a great movie i personally love a snail but i she's not feeling it and She's just watching it drift away and then just sort of shifts out of the way

of the thing that's coming towards. She's learned her lesson and she's sort of shifted over to the other side of Doran. Impressive. I love that Scott, go. Physically away? Putting a door in between her and me. Physically.

Cool. This other creature crawls towards you, Doran and snap, snap tries to catch you up in its terrible claws. Ooh, it does a good job this time. 18 and 19 to hit you. 18 misses? Mm-hmm.

And the 19, I have a 19th, the 19 goes to... The 19 hits you. Okay. However, however, on the one that misses, I'm going to use my repost. Ooh, okay. When a creature misses, I basically attack it. And I'm going to add a D8 to the damage if I do hit. Let's hope so.

Okay, so that's a 15. Can I, I have cosmic omen. What is this? Mari steps forward. I want to use cosmic omen and I want to use wheel. Oh, Kaskase. I get to roll a D6 and I get to add that number to Jack's total. Oh.

Doran's total. Doran's total. Whichever one you are. Hey. Okay. I'm mad at Jack. He left. You like touch him on the back and guide him or what does it look like when you use this omen?

I gently sort of just put a hand on his shoulder and just this sort of glittering shawl just drapes across his shoulders. That's awesome. I don't know what we need to hit. Okay, what's your D6? Roll your D6. I rolled a three. Okay, so that's 18.

18 does hit. Nice. Oh, nice. Move. Because I think a 15 would have missed. Just the idea of these like glittering stars guiding the axe home. Good call. Yes.

That means 16 points of damage. Nice. And you have a kicky, glittery shawl now. That's right. It's just resting across you. It looks great on you, Dorn. Stunning. Do you like the outfit?

Hey, I love this. It's, uh, I feel all magical now. You look very fancy for a, uh, a gore-covered dwarf. Oh, look great, Doran. Hey, thank you. Then the creature grabs you with a 19 to hit. Yep, that one hits. It just like bodies him out of no, oh, thanks.

Oh, wow. Duran, no! 10 pinching damage and you are now grappled again, despite your star cloak. I really don't like being. pinched like this it's uncomfortable jack this creature continues to swim at you out of the darkness menacing you with its claws it tries to attack but it can't quite get to you doran you're being grappled by this creature doran's in the claws of this creature and decides he's just going to attack of course with an 18 to hit yes doing 13 points of damage oh fancy and doran's like

whacking the axe into the head of this beast only to attack again and that one misses all right if only you're lucky i don't have any lucky left oh no well jack it's your turn this monster is pursuing you in the dark stinky water jack's standing prepared as the monsters swimming up he's he's ready for it he's sort of for the moment let his feet rest in the sludge of the bottom and has got Dizan's wand in both hands, and with a swing of it, a firebolt launches from it right towards this thing, hopefully dead in the eyes. I'm going to roll with inspiration. Use my inspiration.

Hey, nice. Be inspired. Use it or lose it. How do we like a 20? 20 hits. Perfect. Eight fire damage as I square this thing right in the eyes. Ah, nice.

And I think with that same momentum, I'm going to use the bonus action to try and push it away from me. It could make me a strength saving throw. Ooh, 21. Well, it don't work. So instead, I will swim around it to get to the other side of it, staying within its reach. Why did Jack cross the stream to get to the other side? To get to the other side of the terrible creature. Because it's smell like shit.

It smells bad here. Right, it's your turn. Doran, get down. Mary! Actually, Doran, you're short enough. Mary, crouch! He's in the claws of a giant thing. Oh, shit!

In the claws of the giant thing. I'm going to fire at this thing with my bow. Do it. Mari ducks down because you can see that there's just more shit about to fly, and she's just like too tall for this. 24 to hit. Yes. 24 damage.

Red, what does it look like when you kill this thing? Red pulls back on his arrow and whispers something into it, for my body, Doran. And the arrow sings clean across the sewer and sinks right into the side of this thing. Is it, And snaps at the air and drops him. And with a breath, Red turns his arrow to the creature, which is now 100 feet away. But with Hunter's Mark still active, he fires at it.

The one that is pursuing Jack. Ooh, and that is a 22 to hit. Hey. Nice. You hit. Thanks, buddy. 24 damage. Ooh.

Red. From way down the tunnel, you feel your Hunter's Mark sizzle out and deactivate. as this creature slumps over in the sewage water and falls onto the wizard Jack Page. That's market price. Mari just looks over and just shakes her head and it's just like, I think the hardest part is the puns. It's difficult, yeah.

You get into the swing of things. Back into the bisque with them, that's for sure. I make a little orb of water over Doran's head and it just flops onto him like a water balloon. it's like the size of a cue ball he takes the opportunity to wash the blood and the dirt off his face but but he's like oh thank you that dirty water was disgusting

I can't stand having such dirty filth on my face yeah Jack swims back into sight of everyone's dark vision and climbs out of the water back onto the... Hey Jack let me give you a hand thank you sir welcome back is everybody in one piece

yes how did you fare down there made it out without being touched so did you just leave oh did you just run away in this no i drew away yeah it's one of the pincers so you couldn't get attacked from behind sure it's a tactic he was trying to he does the fight maybe he does the flight and fight it was strategic running away well i'm i'm glad you're safe well thank you how did you make out i don't think she is glad jack i think she's angry that you ran away. And she just glares at him. Doreen kind of makes that face that red like the,

ooh. Oh, these two are prickly pairs. Yeah. Look, everyone's just a little high strung right now because we almost died. I don't think Jack meant to run away, probably. But look, let's just keep going. Remy is looking for us,

and I'm sure if he's up there, he needs some help. Fine. Yeah, let's not get boiled over this. Enough with the puns, Doran. You're making me crabby. Everyone gets one more and that's it. Let that damn snail wash into the old bay and let's get out of here. And as the four of you trek down the tunnel towards the tiny illustrations of the tadpoles marked in chalk on the walls, a little snail floats on to who knows what adventures.

Thank you once again to our wonderful Patreon supporters Alexander Ruku, Lost with Two Faces, Mathilda Rushing, Lida, Chelsea Chong, KIA, Sky, Creaturegan, Regan, Michelle Con, Heather Nichols, Alexander Reed, Melanie Sien, Artistic Witch, Brian Blas, Blas, Gray, Pryn, Daniel, Tara, Doug, Marie Kaniwski, Merlin, Christopher Ryan Evans, Mitchell Cadwell, Colin Barkhart, and Michael and Brianna Weber. Thank you so much. Things are getting heated, boiling over between these two.

We need to dump it out and really sift through all the, you know, crawfish boil stuff. It's... Lobster shells of emotion. turn into a lobster's tail. We're really, really pushing it now. How do we shuck this gooey duck? You know what they say?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Little red skin potatoes, that's all like. Feel a little clammy over here. I'm hungry. All right. Excellent.