Dice Shame - 2-51 | 'Rock Along'

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

Imagine your best game of D&D. The shocks, the twists and turns, the moments that can’t be caught because you just had to be there. That’s Dice Shame.Join our DM Jo, her husband Harlan, their brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they experience those unmissable, gut-wrenching, heart-aching, joy-filled moments.This legendary AP releases a brand new episode every Thursday morning at 1:20 am!https://www.extra-life.org/participant/INVICTUSContent Warning: animal death, swearing, violence, claustrophobiaPart of the Rusty Quill Network Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What do you mean it's not a stealth mission? They seem resistant to some of the damage. I'm glad we're in agreement. Run and hide. I'm having a number of crisis over there. I got you back, buddy. Don't worry. Concussion Murray's doing great. Because if you die in the game, you die in real life.

Spicy, cramp ball. Yeah, but who's in the volcano layers? It's a race to the bottom with the Alexes tonight. Oh, I love watermelons on a skewer. Where's the thing? He's wearing like a kicky shawl. These things are going to kill Doran. Stop putting jackets on them.

Look. So I want to give you a... inspiration for concussing yourself. Thank you. What? What is going on here? I'm going to cast seven spells and then come clean after someone else doesn't get fucking inspiration out of it. That's great. Look at me guys. I'm being selfless. Everything's coming up Nersal. Welcome back to Dice Shame. This is Season 2, Episode 51, Rock Along.

MVP this week is Tambles 804, who downloaded the entire feat of Dyshame to keep in company while traveling in Mongolia. Thanks for bringing us along with you, Tambles. Van Expo is right around the corner, and Harlan and I will be there. On Saturday, August 26th, we'll be hosting a fan meetup. So if you're in the Greater Toronto area and you're interested in attending, you can get all the details from our Discord. Hope to see you there.

Hope to see you there. All right. Should we play some D&D? Yeah, let's do it. Deep in dead stone cleft, our heroes are still locked in battle against the stone giant threat. Mari has used her druid powers

to help tip the scales. Two more spider turns. What do we got? Vernda is going to attack the one that's restrained in front of crab Doren. Awesome. And rolled a 25 on that to hit. You do.

Can you roll me a constitution? Natural 20. Nice. All right. So that is 14 points of damage anyways. Nice. Taking a big bite and I'll have both who do the same thing to the same giant. That's a dirty 20 to hit.

Nice. Absolutely. One more con save. 13. He still save, but he still has to take nine points of damage. Egg salad. He'll just stay there then and stand there and look medicing as they all surround this one guy and the other dude, I assume, is staring at Mari just like,

I'll get you soon. Mm-hmm. Red, it's your turn. Red was watching the attacks of these spiders. Did the Giants seem to react differently when they bit them? I want to see if I can roll inside or maybe even Giant Intelligence to see if the type of damage changed. That's a great, great, great idea. Roll perception with advantage because it's your favorite enemy.

Because I was watching. And I want to know. That's going to be an 18. Um, seems like the giant's stony skin is resistant to some of this physical damage. Can it use magic then, you think? Bingo. They seem resistant to some of the damage. Red, I can use some help out here.

Red turns to the one looking at Maori and says, Mari, watch out! And I'm going to try to cast a banishing arrow on that guy. Okay. So he needs to make me a charisma saving throw. All right. 11. Yeah. Red fires an arrow at the giant as it's pursuing Maui. He says, I got your back, buddy. Don't worry.

And the arrow sings across the bubbling, broiling pool and hits him in the thigh. And for a second, the giant turns its head towards me. And then it's completely out of existence as I have banished this thing for one round. Awesome. Get out of here, buddy. Cool. Okay. And for my second attack, I'm going to turn to the one that's restrained.

and I am going to fire at it. 22 to hit. Yes. And that's going to be 24 damage. Nice. And Red turns to Marion and says, Get as much distance as you can. I'm trying.

I'm trying. And Red will back up probably against the wall to the far back because he can shoot from pretty damn far away. And that's my turn. Pretty damn far away if you ask me. So the giant is going to come back into existence on your turn next round, is that correct?

At the end of its next turn, the target reappears. Crab Doren. Yeah, Crab Doren's like, you know, what a crab, what a crab would say. It's a giant crab. Huge giant crap. So the giant crab is going to attack this giant right in front of, is the giant still restrained? It is, yes. Okay.

So I'm rolling advantage. You are. Because he's restrained. Yep. I remembered. Nice. All righty, and that's going to be a 29 to hit. Whoa.

Yep, you do. Is that a crit? High number good. Make that at 24. Okay, that makes more sense. Oh, 24 to hit. High number not as good. Medium.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just don't know how to spell. Add. Yep. Having a number crisis over there. I don't know how to do thing. Dyshame goes to kindergarten. Crayons.

Yay. It's a. It's a race to the bottom with the Alex's tonight. That's right. How much damage you do? 38 bludgeoning damage. You're kidding me. It's like 4D10 and you got 38?

Yeah. Fuck yeah. 38 bludgeoning damage and the target is grappled. Heck yeah. And it's a DC 14. Marvelous. Well done. He's super grappled.

He can't do anything about it. Because I have an idea and you can let me know. I want to pick him up and throw him. them into the mud. We'll talk about that on your next turn. Okay. The crabs can breathe under liquid. You might just be able to drag them in there, which could be fucking cool too.

Like, if you can't throw them, you could also just pull them. I'd like to try and throw them just for the visuals, you know, like this. This was like magical mud, though, wasn't it? Yes. Like, I wonder if it helps them. The suffocation wouldn't be a problem, but the ever getting out again would. I also like the idea that, like, he goes in and we're like, we finally save Doran and he just walks in as a crazy. And then

This is a crab too big for us to lift So he's a suicidal crab Do you guys think That this is just as dangerous for giants, the mud? I don't know Part of me says it would be weird To think that they would keep Active hazard in their layer

Says every volcano-layered villain in the Yeah but who's in the volcano layers It's always fire-breathing dragons and stuff Every time always, Jack, it's your turn. Jack pulls out DeZan's wand. It's his favorite. And a dagger of fire covers over the edge of it.

And he brings it back and using some of the forms that Doren has taught him, takes a couple of slashes through the air and a bolt of fire, lights from that one of those slashes trying to hit this restrained and grappled giant. You burned all of his binding. Oh, no. Jack, why? And a critical hit. Hey!

Nice. Wow, we're just like really rolling well For 13 damage because that was not my best That's okay, you got a crit, that's allowed Jack goes to take cover behind the wall to the east Sort of down this tunnel out of the sight line of these giants I love that Excellent.

Fire off a shot and then behind cover Jack page special Run and hide Call staying alive guys All right, it's the Giants turn Very similarly to how the previous giant acted before he disappeared, this giant begins to cast a spell, and he starts to move quickly. No.

No! Come on! Ugly! Almost like he's taking multiple turns in a row. First, he's going to try to break out of these restraints of the webbing, so he'll make a strength check. Natural 20. Oh, no.

Shockingly, that doesn't let them out too bad. Unfortunately, these spider webs are made out of some kind of diamonds. No, he sheds them like a snake. Sheds an old skin, but in like super fast motion. Then he is going to try to break your grapple crab Doren. Right. Yeah, handily with a 23. I escape your grapple.

What's he going to do with his last? Does that mean he uses up his next three turns in one? So he still gets other turns. It's called cheating. It's called I'm the DM and I can make up the rules however the fuck I want. They are cheating. It's true. Yeah.

She's like, what are you going to do about it? And I want to. Like leave? Walk out of the game. Guess what you can't. Because if you die in the game, you die in real. life. And then the giant

disappears into the floor. What the fuck? Yeah. However, this is now considered the end of the giant's turn and you guys are not devoid of targets because this, this giant that red banished into the

plane of eternal fire or where the, non-racism. Fuck he ended up. Comes back. He's here now. When the stone giant was in there, all he saw was a floating melon with an arrow.

Just like, that's a callback to episode 44 of Cs. Yeah, that's good. He like eats it like an order. Yeah, he's just eating the, yeah, he's like an order and picks the end of the arrow and just takes it like a, oh, I love watermelons on a skewer. I do love the idea that he comes back and he's like partly eating and he's like, just looking around. Wipes watermelon off his case. That's canon.

That's canon. Yeah. Mari, it's your turn. Mari seeing the one that had been banished for a bit and is now back and is definitely locked eyes with her. It's giving a look. It's not knowing. It's just very angry. She's going to cast guiding bolt on the visible giant, the one he did not sink into the floor, like a cheap coward. Nice. You have to go back to see the guidance, counselor. Guidance Bolt.

24 to hit. That hits. 17 damage. Nice. Well done. Radiating me across. this thing, like a beautiful, sparkly jacket. It's like a little shrug that's now across it. What the fuck?

Red sees that and he's like, what are you doing? What is a jacket doing flying? What is that? He's wearing like a kicky shawl now. It's beautiful. What the fuck? These things are going to kill Doran. Stop putting jackets on them.

It hurts, but it's... And she's going to keep running. Bravely running. away because fuck that. Brave, brave, so Marie. He's all lit up. Good job, Mari. Excellent. Harlan, I think it's probably not worth it

to give the spiders. I'd rather it'd be you doing the damage than the spiders because they're just going to do like chip damage. Did they recharge? One of them recharged. Vother has. Great. The other two are just sort of pawing at their butts. This never happens. I'm so embarrassed. My web is not shooting.

All right, so Mari communicates with the spiders and while Vener and Vernda are unable to do anything both are rears back and fires web at the lone standing giant and that is a

16 to hit with advantage right with advantage right so that is a 19 to hit yeah oh man thank goodness he's your

advantage I ruled I ruled 11 and then of 14 Oh, God. Safe. Excellent. So one of your spiders whose web recharges shoots, sticks this stone giant to the ground, and then what happened?

And then Vernda runs over and goes to bite the stone giant that's restrained. I rolled a 13. That's with advantage. Okay, bad job. So it just sort of stands there and kind of gums at it. Doesn't do much. Why does that turn me on? I hope this isn't awake in anything in me

And then yeah, they're just hanging out now They're waiting for what to do next Red, it's your turn Alright, Red pulls back and fires out this guy With advantage because he's restrained Great job, Mari! That's going to be a 21 Beautiful

32 damage Wow Great job! Light a month Serious Red pulls back and fires again suck on this you stony prick suck on prick you stony this thanks dorin crab dorin

dorin can't talk that was that was ours but he can but I heard all what he said through a knowing crab look the beady eyes would have been any different if he wasn't the crab 18 hit yes 25 damage

excellent you're not moving now you know what fuck it'll stay there But I do still have passed the trace active, so, because the water walk is not concentration. Yes. You guys are making a lot of noise in this cavern, to be clear. Yeah, but stone giants make a lot of noise all the time. They're so loud when they snore. I mean, you're like...

They should be called snore giants. You're straight up yelling at each other about what to do and... Totally. Totally. Take that stone giant. Through knowing looks primarily. What do you mean? It's not a stealth mission.

Not anymore. All right. Crab Doren. What do you do? Crab Dorn runs. He, well, he does the crab walk. 30 feet. And action surge, he's going to use his claw.

The claw. All right, roll a hit. And I've got advantage on this, right? You certainly do. Didn't need it because I rolled two 19s. Nice. That's a 28 to hit. But those are crits.

They're not because Doren. has that because of Ork Splitter. You don't have it attached to Ork Splitter. You have it attached to Dorin as your character. The fighter. Right. So yes, you still crit on a 19. Oh, right.

Okay, so now I'm going to roll the damage dice twice. It's fucking awesome. So you roll what? 8D. 8D10. Oh my God. It's fucking bananas. Keep score here for a second.

8D10 is like more than a fireball. It's insane. I know. What? So what I rolled And then I just got to add five Spicy crab ball Giant crab, yeah he's going to get this party started

Oh god now I want sushi That's what I said All right My attack Ends up with 53 points of damage And you are grappled again Can you imagine he rolled eight ones

I do 13 damage my huge giant crab claw is grappling you giant like a big piece of sushi that I'm able to eat oh my god I want sushi so bad I know um Mari for a moment she's she's watching this happen and she has already been thrown to the ground once and she touches the back of her head and normally where you would feel sort of like that normal kind of dampness that just she sort of lives with she feels a wetness but it's blood she's like split the back of her head where she had landed, and in that moment, she, her, everything falters.

And Crab Doren's still there, but the spiders drop away. They return back into tiny little, little, just normal spiders, and they skitter away. And what I'm trying to say is I realize that I can't be doing two concentration spells at once. Oh, no.

Cheater! I'm putting you in dice jail. Yeah, put me in the dunce hat Takeaway inspiration. Well, you know what? Good of you for at least realizing it and coming forward because we could have just kept playing. Thanks for being honest. Yeah, good job for being honest. And realizing it yourself, Narsal, that's a really big move right there.

Well, you know what? Actually, I did like the way that you described that. So I want to give you inspiration for concussing yourself. What? I'm going to cast seven spells and then come clean after someone else doesn't get fucking inspiration. at him that's great look at me guys I'm being

selfless everything's coming up Nersal good inspirational cheating very excellent job I'd say all right well

okay well then we'll just get rid of these spiders and and we'll play it forward what do they say in golf play ball play through

play through minnin ninn catty shots Um, there's a shit in the pool of mud. Everyone get out. Oh, no. All right.

So Doran, that's your turn. Our spider friends are gone forever. Right. Okay. So I'm staying as the crab and the spiders are, okay. Rock and roll. Question then, is the guy still restrained? No, the webbing disappears as Mari's brain falls out of her ears.

But he's still grappled. He's still grappled. He's still grappled. You got that going for you. We got that going for me. We did just imagine Caddyshack, so. It's pretty good. Got that going for me.

All right, Rob, what does Jack do? Jack Page of Waterdeep, noodle arms. Jack Page steps out from this hallway, still in one hand, the Dizanswan trailing fire and the Spell Guard sphere and the other, which starts to ring and hum and burst with noise and tries to destroy a little bit of this giant's brain if he could make me a saving throw, a wisdom one. Wisdom. So wise.

Crack die. So not wise. Ten. Well, he takes 20 necrotic damage as his brain starts to do. Nice. Aichi, whoa! Okay. This giant doesn't have long for the world.

My brain is mush. And you're going to hop back? Hop back into cover? What do you want to do? Yeah, I mean, he's going to hug the wall as much as he can. He doesn't quite have enough movement to go all the way back into the thing. But he's a naturalist at heart, and so he's still quite enamored with these carved walls. And with those real dull colors that you're wearing, you know, you blend right into the rock.

That's a dig on Jack's fashion sense. Well, no, I'm saying I think he's probably dressed vibrantly. I've long believed that his fashion sense is in his head like, wump. But in reality, like, wong. Oh, I definitely, he thinks somebody else. I think Jack is a dapper dresser. Yeah, exactly, exactly. The way that the guys in college would go,

Melaidey and like walk in. Oh, no. I'm the dapper dresser. So Jack's got like a jingle fedora on? No, I don't think exactly. When he tips it, it goes like, to be fair, I've never actually seen Jack Page with my own two eyes. I don't know what he's wearing. Neither of I.

Really? You guys haven't seen him this whole time? missing. I've only seen artist's interpretation. It's a figment of my imagination. He's wearing a big floppy hat. All right. It's the Giants turns. Unfortunately for our dapper friend Jack Page, this stone giant pulls itself out of the floor directly in front of it. Jack, please make a dexterity saving throw.

22. Holy crap. Jack, well done. By the hammer of Morden. Doran thinks Doran thinks Because he's a crab Who doesn't have a mouth

Clacker clacker The creature reaches out towards you With this huge hand, Jack and tries to grab you Nope, nope, no thanks That's not consensual You just dance out of the way Well done

That was an important save to make Yep, that had been in the soup Wow, you dodged, eh? And I would have debated using my spell Oh, but it's such a high level For Doran, maybe For Doran, stop the show Let's go save Doran, I get it

We all got to work together to get him out of there But I'll just sink like a stone Weighing resources here The other giant begins to move quickly It's going to make an escape check Trying to get out of the Crabbs grappling claws crab appellee.

And easily succeeds with a dirty 20. That's not good. Well, and then he's going to move out at Mari. Wow. Yep. He gets right up on you, Mari, and he is one more action, and he's going to use that to smack you with a great club a couple times. Oh, no.

Oh, I don't like where this is going. Remember when I said I thought I was going to die? Not a great role. 14. So shockingly, I think that may be the first thing to not hit me. Yay! Yay for Mari. Because you've got the weird crab armor, don't you?

Maybe these things are just allergic to- I only have an AC of 15. I rolled a natural one. Shea! Shane, shame, shame, shame, shame, shame. Yeah, she barely misses that first one. And then the second one, he just, like, pokes himself in the eyeball. It, no, it's like you're trying to get into like a double dutch.

Like you see the giant coming at you and you know he's moving really fast and you just like fucking math it out and dodge out of the way. And the giant's like, crab armor. Whoa, whoa, whoa, I just saw a crap. Whoa, I'm so confused for a second. Concussion, Murray's doing great. Just enough that he's so perplexed. Jack Page and Mari, man, good dodging this round. Clutch.

Is that your last name, Mari, man? Me'an. Me'an. Me'an. Marie, it's your turn. Jockel and Paige. You've been de-spidered, de-spirred, but still standing, shockingly. Better than you ever did.

Oh, boy. You can never know what it's like to turn Dorn into a giant crab. I'm still crabbing. I think. I guess I'm just going to... Can he move if he's grappled? He broke your grappled? He broke your grapple.

Oh, he did? I didn't hear that, sorry. It's okay. Everything's working so fast that Alex's brain is just now catching up. Chug. Chugger, chugger, chugger, chuck, chuck. Mari, somehow dodging this guy, sort of nimbly steps around.

And then even though she's pretty concussed at this point, it spins around and swings out with her staff and that is a dirty 20 nice absolutely hit and that's 10 points of damage well I'm also going noise 10 points of damage why are you standing so close to me don't stand so yeah so yeah she just she said just like shakes it off and squares up and tries to look cool

but she mostly looks like someone who's fallen down a whole bunch shake it off shake it up Excellent. All right. Standing brave against the onslaught, Mari. Red, it's your turn. Red pulls back his arrow when fires at the back of this one's head. The one in front of Maori.

Oh, 17. Yeah. Nice. 17 hits. Oh, 17. Oh, 17. 30 damage. Red.

What does it look like when you kill this giant? Red steps. out seeing Mari beneath this stone giant and he sees in Mari's eye this moment of like toughness. He sees her look up to this giant and yet

he knows Mari well enough to see the fear so he kind of whistles on the wind and the giant turns its head for a second and he says smile big boy and he lets the arrow go and it sings through the air cleanly straight through the stone giant's eye

and pushes out the back of his head and he falls over with the glorious thump that shakes the earth. And without missing a beat, he spins on his heels and fires at the one front of Jack. Awesome. I'm giving you inspiration

for that inspired description. Excellent. I'm going to use my inspiration on attacking this guy. I want to make sure I hit. Do it. 21. Yeah, you hit.

Nice shot. You get inspiration for that. Thank you. You hit? I'll be creative again. Anytime you hit, you just get inspiration. That's my game. It's called D&D Easy for me.

It doesn't seem fair, but. As the arrow sings through the air, it goes over the bubbling, broiling, muddy pit. It pops a large, growing bubble, and with it, singes right into the back of the stone giant's left butt cheek. The giant lets out a massive... As it reaches down and paws,

at the arrow and pulls it out breaking it but the magic has already leaked into his buttock. And he's farting in the process. I'm giving you inspiration back because between those two hits, I don't even have to do anything. I can just sit back and relax. Yes. I do.

I accept. Doren. Crab Doren. Everyone's favorite Crestation. It's your turn. I am out of reach, but I can use twice my movement again. to get up close to him, and I don't have anything I can do,

but at least I may be able to just offer this giant another target that isn't... Squishy. Jack Page, my very good friend and adventuring mate. Can I get experience for that, an inspiration for that? Not this time, Doran. I'm sorry. Excellent. This giant crab skitters across the stony ground.

Yeah, he's like... Jack looks up at this giant and says, Where's the Thane? Tell us that, we might spare your life. But there's a whole pile of dead giants in this room. Ooh, I like it. Yes. You know, if I was trying to squish a rat in the corner of the garage

and it started talking to me, I'd probably listen. That's because you're not used to rats talking. What the fuck? They talk? Oh, my God. No wonder we're xenophobes This giant almost does a little bit of a slow double take It's got its club raised up to smash you

Into a bloody pulp And it utters You'll never reach her Her you've already told us You already told us more than you thought you would Na na na nao boo boo boo That's where you're wrong I say and I hold up the spell guard sphere

And that wound that red left with the arrow starts to fester even more. I have a wisdom saving throw, please. Ooh, a festering wound. Four. Nice. Five necrotic damage. I think I'm just going to,

futile press against this thing with my mind and try to push it towards the ooze. It could roll a one. What are the chances? Is a strength check? It is a strength saving throw, yes. Oh, saving throw. So it's probably pretty good at this.

Natural 20. It's like he puts his hand out And Jack's like flailing Just like he's just holding his forehead Just like Well I did my best Jack you're staring at this Giants club As it comes down on your face

27 to hit you It does 15 bludgeoning damage Ow He's gonna go again Yeah I know He might miss So yeah there's a big crab behind him

but sure, the squishy little mouty guy, I get it. Geek the mage, my friend. These are not stupid creatures. Well, 22 to hit. 22 hits, yeah. They're racist, therefore they're stupid. Exactly. 19 bludgeoning damage.

Ow! You're not dead, are you? No, I'm at 31 out of 65. That's not too bad. No, I was sort of gambling that we're going to get a break after this, but that's going to be tricky. Mari, it's your turn She sees Jack over there

Facing down this giant Who just swings this club And cartoon style Sort of crushes them part into the ground Like a Bugs Bunny thing Not that she knows what that is She's just vaguely aware of Bunny She's not in a play once

Yeah, she's out of play once Wow, we watch a lot of plays For someone who's uncultures us I'm from Waterdeep Oh my God, fuck help me Doran Just because your castors are huge nerds All right, well, I rolled a 25, so. Nice.

Okay, cool. How much damage? 18 points of damage. Awesome. Nice. And now he's lit up. Light him up. Light him up.

All lit up. Light him up. Just in time for Red's turn. Red, finish him off. I'll do you one better. I'll finish. Oh, did you say finish him off? That's what I said.

That's what I said. All right. I'm glad we're in agreement. Okay. Then I'll do that. I'm going to use my inspiration. Hey. Nice.

We already have advantage because of guiding bolt. No, he's going to use it. Oh, my God. Fine, Jack. I totally forgot. Thank you. 21 to hit.

Absolutely. Nice. Thank God. Thank Morden. 29 damage. Whoa. Huge. Good stuff.

Because the guiding bolt just the first hit, right? That's right. Red looks them up and down. How bloody does he look? Yeah, he's got stone blood streaming out from all these arrow wounds and crab claw bits.

Red pulls back one more time, and I'm going to attack again this time with my inspiration. Biggest guiding bolt only lasts on the first attack, I think. That's correct. I didn't need it, but I'm glad I did. 19 to hit. Yes. On, body.

Ooh, max damage. 27 damage. The roar. The stone giant falls. and shakes the floor of this cavern you have dispatched the final enemy. Go back to where you came from.

Wait, that's xenophobic. Thank you once again to our wonderful Patreon supporters, Adam Fry, Amanda Kitchener, Amy Gaza, Anne, Cecil Lee Wilson, Jerry Rose Anderson, Christopher, Colin Burkhart, Crow, Casey, D-S, Dippity, Elizabeth H, Haley, Harper the Marks, Heather Nichols, Indian Thrifty, Jekyll, J.D, Joy Robinson, Jory, KR, KM, Kade, Kirsten Wolf, Lizania, Last Ruth on the left, Leader Jay, Lizzie Demon, Lorelei Feldman, Loon, Matilda Rushing, Melinda Curley, Moon, Melissa, Merlin, Sam C, Reagan, Wren, Ruth Ann Reed, Scotty, S. Ray 96, Tony Pepperoni, Zander Morning Dove, and Zach House. Woo! The giant crab, like, starts picking away and eating at it, like, crabs do. They're like this.

do that. Cool. Good job, guys. Dang it. Dying it. D-da-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- I think there's something, something scared the dog because she's currently hiding underneath my chair right now.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Is it me? I said, dang it too loud. Hey!