Dice Shame - 2-58 | 'Go Big or Go Home'

Episode Date: October 5, 2023

Imagine your best game of D&D. The shocks, the twists and turns, the moments that can’t be caught because you just had to be there. That’s Dice Shame.Join our DM Jo, her husband Harlan, their brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they experience those unmissable, gut-wrenching, heart-aching, joy-filled moments.This legendary AP releases a brand new episode every Thursday morning at 1:20 am!https://www.extra-life.org/participant/INVICTUSContent Warning: animal death, swearing, violence, claustrophobiaPart of the Rusty Quill Network Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

this way bye guys good luck oh my god I've been using this wrong too you could die in one round it's only 200 to hit Joe don't worry I'm hoping for narrative purposes this works an insulting comment that I can't repeat to the audience sleet storm at that point

the ice slips on the green she also just hates birds all right hello get back in there so useless I'm out of big I'm going home and not better friends how does everyone feel oh my god

feeling great how you feeling Good. Sad. Sad. More, a little excited. I mean, there's a little bit of slapstick that takes a little bit of the edge off, but Kalaithic is big and mean and right there. Welcome back to Dice Shame.

This is Season 2, Episode 58. Go big or go home. MVP this week is Sweet Marie. nominated by Lita Stray. Lita wrote, Sweet Marie has been on the front lines of loving and celebrating Dyshame for as long as I've been on the server and has taken so many opportunities to reach out to other fans, myself included, and make them feel welcome, included, and important. She's awesome and absolutely deserves MVP, and I couldn't agree more.

Congrats, Sweet Marie, your MVP this week. And shout out this week goes to Baby Marie. Harlan and I welcomed our little daughter into the world a few days ago and were beyond overjoyed. Join us as we celebrate the newest party member. Welcome to the world, Marie. All right, shall we do this? Yeah, let's do it. If you could be an expert at making practical things or beautiful things, which would you find more fulfilling? Beautiful. Beautiful. It's not a question about, you know, there's no scarcity. It's not one is better than the other. Just which would you personally find more

Beautiful. Yeah, beautiful. I'd be making stained glass windows. I'd be, like, throwing pottery. I'd be doing it all. Well, we could do everything beautiful, or we still have to pick one discipline. I mean, the question is more about which do you find fulfilling? But if it, as a good follow-up, is there one in particular you want to find.

Yeah, what's the thing? I always thought I would be good at pottery. Like, you know, the, but to me, the kind of- Just because you've seen ghosts so many times. I've only seen it once. I liked it. but come on to me because because pottery is kind of it's chill it's I uh I think yeah I think that like I I would love to be able to make beautiful things and I feel like the thing that if I

could just like pick a skill and just be able to do it like right now like really well I think I would love to be able to do stained glass that's super cool that would be cool my grandfather had did stained glass and stuff like in our in our house growing up there was a whole stained glass window with like a D for Dibald in it that that that he'd made for one of the things that was like when my parents left, they stole that window and I've got it somewhere in the house just in a box because I don't know what to do with a stained glass window and a house I don't own.

That's cool. My mom does stained glass, so that's how I was cool. Your mom, Diobald? Oh, my God. Rough? Long loss. There will be only one. Oh, no.

I made stained glass cookies once. Those are very similar. Interesting. I think I would find it more fulfilling to be able to make practical things. And like my go-to is like carpentry would be really cool to be able to like make a good shelf even if it's not like the most ornate practical one or make a good table or make a like I think like carpentry would be the practical skill I'd like to be really good at. I was leaning that way but then I realized I don't have that many friends that would be want like practical furniture and I'm too lazy to start a shop. So I just have all this practical furniture everywhere versus if I was beautiful that I could just have all this beautiful.

I was thinking like long term. I was like, yeah. What am I going to do with a thousand tables? You can make the window frame for the stained glass windows. Team, teamwork, right? And a shelf for my pot. I was trying to really dig down into the meat of the question and figure out for me what would be the truest answer. And I would like to say that I would make something that would be practical because I like thinking that about myself.

But then I tried to say. to come up with a scenario where I could put that to the test for myself to find it, which I was actually more satisfied about. And my mind landed on building a PC. So what I was putting all the components together inside of the machine and, you know, sorting through what kind of pieces I would need and where to get them from and organizing it all and being practical about it, like actually making the computer work. That was very cool. But I found it so much more satisfying

to do a great job of cable management within that task, which has nothing to do with the utility of the machine. It's entirely just about what is making my brain go tick. And I think for that reason, I would prefer, or I would find it more satisfying to make something that is aesthetically pleasing. I wonder how many IT guys are screaming at us. Like, good cable management is functional. Has to do with all the heat.

Sinks. Yeah, I know. But just for the argument's sake here, I think probably is that. No, very smart. Mine, I thought actually would be more on the make beautiful side. But when I really start to think about it, you know, the most satisfaction I get is from building and doing practical things. Like, and I, you know what?

Carpentry would be one of them, but I think it's like it involves a whole genre of things. And I'm going to put that genre under the heading quote unquote life hacks, but they're not really the life hacks, but more like the little things that you do. Like I wanted a way to keep my shed door open. So I built like, you know, I had like this little latch system.

But little things. You know, like around the house, making things just a little bit more practical. You're a practical, no-nonsense boy. Yeah. I feel you. Yeah, well, life is full of beauty and practical. You need a good balance to make a party work, right? Yeah.

That's why you have two casters who are both. That's why you got three noodle arms and what? Wait, wait, wait, are you saying that Dorn and I aren't the pretty beautiful ones? I'd say we are. You are. Oh, for sure. You're absolutely the people we'd put first in front of other people.

Wait, what? I'm beautiful. Murray and Jack have the hair, though. Yeah, yeah. It's true. Coffed well. It's everywhere. They keep all the conditioner in their packs.

Doran is far more practical. Doran is like beard oil. He doesn't use it. He drank it one time. He does have it. Yeah, it's called blood. Every Christmas birthday for the last 20 years, somebody's giving him.

There's 17 bottles of beard oil. Smelling citrus. I still prefer the brain matter. They don't taste very good, but I don't understand it. I guess it's supposed to make my beard lush. I keep drinking it. Ew. Beard oil salad and away he goes.

All right, well, shall we get to it then? Let's do it. Yeah, let's do it. All right. Let's do it. Woo. I'm glad that was recorded. Woo. Mari and Jack, you stand at the foot of Kaelitha, the stone giant Thane, Regal in her

temple and focused on one thing only, defending this holy place from you, small folk, intruders, creatures whose life flame must be extinguished. You see it in her face, looming far above you in the darkness, a self-assured fury as she hefts her great club, ready to destroy you. Jack, it's still your turn. What do you want to do? This way, I say, and move north away from Calythica, trying to get a little bit a distance. Yeah. Oh my God. Jack starts to move north away from Kaelithica and uses his mind to try and pull

Mari with him, moving her, you know, a step in this direction. Nice. If you don't fight me, you can move five more feet towards me. I'm not going to, I won't. No. Get the hell out of there. Mom. Jack's pulling me again.

Do I just go with you? Yeah, just come five feet towards me. If you want. If you want, you don't have to. No pressure. If you feel like it. All right, cool. Mari, it's your turn.

Already having. been like completely sort of stunned staring down this giant and then a second giant and just having Jack take her hand in that moment she can like feel that magic through there and it's weird it's different it's like well it's different it's a magic she doesn't understand but it's kind of like hearing a language where you understand the cadence but you don't know the words and then there's a huge explosion and suddenly she's staring down a bigger scarier, older, weirder, giant. Mm-hmm.

And all she can do is look at this towering woman and cast moonbeam trying to pull in any sort of pieces of light from the sky outside into a shimmering tower that comes down onto K. Lithica. K. Lithica. And you definitely are aiming to roast Screven, right? Well, this doesn't, it doesn't, we did this before. It doesn't do damage on this turn. Ah, only.

So if Scriven. Kala, I think, is also huge. There's plenty of room for a moonbeam and a Scriven in those spaces. But Mari has a grudge. She also just hates birds. I'm also not worried about Scriven dying. Red just, like, while we're sitting at dinner, he'll summon Scriven and shoot him, and then send him in again. That's terrible.

Mari hates it. Screven loves it. Screven's like, wee! He's like so excited to be a target. because he's spiritual. He just disappears. It comes back. Marvelous.

She sort of backs off a bit alongside Jack just because... They like Jack. Jack's safe. Yeah, Jack. Jack, I'm just going to go follow Jack. Cool, cool. Hi, Jack. How's it going?

It troubled. Yeah, I don't appreciate any of this. Top of the round. Red. Red. Red. Handed Robin. Clutches the eyes ruin around his neck and casts Slate Storm.

Oh, my God. I hate that dumb spell Ah, but he's not casting it anywhere we want to be or plan to be He is going to cast it over the bridge And encompassing the two stone giants at the far side of it And the reason for this is multifold One is Red explaining this in character Yes, he like pauses and he looks at the camera

There's many reasons I'm doing this No, but I'll say it out of character I am still convinced that they can't go through ground that isn't stone and this covers the ground with slick ice. So my hope is that stops that stupid fucking stone giant from slipping through the ground and just coming right back up here. Secondly, it fills it with freezing rain and sleet fall

to the point where they can't see. Now, I think they also have blind something where they can kind of sense where we're walking, but I feel like this would fuck with that Because you've got pouring ice crystals all around you. How are you going to be able to decipher what's kind of beyond that and around? So difficult terrain suddenly appears around both of these things. And when they start their turns there, they both need to do a deck saving throw or fall prone.

You lose your hunter's mark. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. I think it's worth it because I can recant. I still have spell slots to recast hunters mark. Cool. But I feel like this would be more beneficial. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I don't think she's running out of here.

I agree. The second thing I want to push is they're very close to the edge. So if they fall and they slip and that grease is covered in ice, we got greasy ice. I see grease is a real tree. I think that the ice covered the grease. If the ice is covering the stone, the ice is definitely covering the grease. If they're heavy enough to crack it, then the grease comes up through it and then you have greasy ice. At that point, the ice slips on the grease.

This is disgusting. Regardless, I feel really good about this use. and red casts it as the whole area just gets wet and whipped and wild in this misty cracking thunder within and all these ice crystals begin to fill.

I'm making a list of all the magic items I need to take away from you guys but see the fact that you're so upset tells all of us one key thing that this was a great move because you're like, damn it. Objectively. Excellent because I just thought about it.

I was like maybe I should just cast that. Perfect. So Red casts that and then he runs back to his original position along the wall and he starts to climb quietly. Cool. He'll kind of do what Doren did and stay about 20 foot down. And then Scriven, if the Thane's not going to attack, we'll just attack again. Yeah, I mean, she used her action to summon that golem. And that's going to be a 18 hit. Nicely done. Screven will just scree! take out the Thane's eyes. Eight damage.

Cool. And then Scriven will fly by and get a little bit of distance. The argument of leave Scriven there to eat a hit still stands. Problem is, it doesn't seem like the thing is taking the hit, right? Not yet. I mean, I'll do it if it will, well, sure. And I'll keep Scriven there annoying the hell out of this person to try to take the hit. I definitely agree.

Yeah. But on her turn, isn't Moonbeam's going to kick in. That's why I was moving it. Well, Scream is not in Moonbeam. Like, Scriven should be, can't be in the same square as the Thane anyways, unless I guess five feet above. Yeah, yeah. I mean, if I keep Scriven there, are you going to hit her with Moonbeam, Joe, or is that, can we say that she's at sight? Oh, no, that's fine.

I think that's just mispositioning the Moonbeam. Well, you mentioned Scriven dying, so I figured if she's just going to blow up, I'd move her. Similarly to the Ring of Spell storing, I don't think unless your druid was out for blood that Mari would actually be. And Screveen continues to annoy the Thane, but make sure to stay away from Moonbeam, which will be any moment. Yeah, I mean, Doran, what do you do next?

Doran pops up after climbing the wall. Hello. Standing. Yeah. Hello. I like that. Use your voice for that one.

Doran sounded weird in that... Some people can't tell you guys apart anyway. Hello? Water poured all over your face. For some reason, he's dripping. wet. Why?

Doran's got to set this off on the right foot. So I'm going to use my inspiration. Nice. Good call. Okay. And he's going to attack.

You got this Doran. The giant in front of him. Oh, very good. Use of it. Although it might have landed on another one. Tactical. So that's going to be a... 225 to hit.

Yeah. Absolutely. Did you say 200? I did, yeah. That'll be 200 points of damage. Just to hit. It's only 200 to hit, Joe. No worry.

I'm so sorry. It's 15 points of damage. Her age is actually 201. Doing nine points of damage. Okay. I don't do a lot of damage with this axe. But when you hit her three times with it, it adds up. Yeah, you do.

You should. I'm going to attack again. That's true, too. That's a 29 to hits. And another eight points of damage. So Doran stands and, Ro. He, like, attacks the legs of the thing.

And he's, you know, grumbling swear words under his breath as he's doing it. Frigal, frugal, frugal. Now, I want to use a bonus action on my term, which is the fainting maneuver. So I expend one superiority die. He just passes out. He's like, oh, no. It's been a long day. Don't hurt me.

Time to use my secret move. Like one of those goats. And then, so by doing so, you have advantage of your next attack roll against the creature. On this turn, you should have done it before you attacked, or save it to do next time before you attack. Okay, I'll hold off. Remind me to do that next turn. Doran stands there and looks menacing. Cool.

All right, it's the Thane's turn. So beginning of her turn, let's do some upkeep on Moonbeam. Moonbeam. She's got to have to make a constitution saving throw, is that right? Make whoa, whoa, whoa. Yes. Gonna hit her a little extra with that whoa because I want to start causing some damage.

Okay, you're going to have to do a really good job. That's 27. 27? I mean, no matter what I roll, it's going to not work. Yeah, shit. Oh, well. But you know what? You still have two woes left, and this is the person to be spending them on.

So how much damage does she take? She takes 15 damage. Hey, pretty good. Cool. Go bigger, go home. So, I dig it So, you, wee. Go bigger, go stone.

Molly, come back here. Why are you going home? Oh, no. Bye, guys, good luck. I'm out of big, I'm going home. Yes, yes. And boy, is she out of big. Please, please, guys.

Yeah. She's going to try to pick you up, Doran. All right. Make a dexterity saving throw, please. Use your advantage. I already did. You got lucky, actually. Sorry.

How many lucky do I have? If you don't, I will give you mine. No, I'll lend you an inspiration. I roll less attack rolls than Red. Okay, we'll see if he has Lucky either. Well, no, hang on. Hang on to it. I got two luckies left here.

Oh, you're indomitable too, though, I guess. I've used Indomitable and he used a Lucky, but he's got two luckies left. Yeah, I'm going to use that lucky. What did you get? First I rolled a three, then I roll a four. No. You have to use that result, too, right?

Oh, you can also spend one luck point when attack rule is made against you. That's so important. Oh my God. I've been using this wrong too. Because I've definitely rolled better the first time and then used the worst role. And it says I can choose. You know what I said last time about us always learning new things? That's what D&D is.

But that's so, that would have been so clutch. The fucking giant could have been like, oh, that's a natural 20. And you could have been like, actually, I'm going to use my lucky and roll. And you would fucking cancel a Nat 20. That's huge. It's true. God. I'm so glad I read it. But things being what they are now.

Yeah, you got. Do you succeed or fail? Do you want to spend your last luck? I probably should. I agree. She throws me into the mud. I'm screwed. You could die in one round. It's 100 feet up. But you still have water walk on. But it's still, it's 100 feet to the ground. That's a good point.

Okay. I'm using my last lucky here. Okay. Because. All right. All right. That's going to be a 17. Hey, that's good. Doren. Nice. You save exactly. You lucky little dwarf.

You are a lucky little dwarf. Purely luck. Just for context. She picked you up and tossed you over the edge. That's 10D6. Plus the amount of distance that she's throwing you horizontally. That's what I mean. So you would have been killed.

So good use of lucky. Doran ducks as the stone thing swipes at him. Yeah, wow. Well done, Doren. This doesn't give me really hurt palpitations. Does that count as a... How do you do this? Yeah, I mean, fucking well done. That's tide turning stuff right there. Good job.

Thanks. I know it was using up a lot of Lucky. I think you used both two. Two of my... Yeah, I had already used one and so that was the last two. That's when you got to use it, man. And now we know a little bit more about how the luck trick works. and I'm going to start using it against attack rolls against me. That's right. Just in general.

I'm going to, yeah, I've been using it for my own re-rules, but I forgot the whole thing that you could choose which role to use. So she maneuvers herself out of the range of this moonbeam. Can Scriven get an attack of opportunity? Is Scriven May, yes. Yes. Go, Scriven, go, screveen, go. You're the only one landing hits.

Yeah, it's true. For real. Scriven versus K. 18 a hit. Yeah, 18 hits. Are you guys heroes? No, the bird is. Don't call it a bloodhawk for nothing.

Nine damage. Maybe we've got a new name for the four of us, Scriven's heroes, you know? Screveance heroes is funny. Like Hogan's Heroes? Hogan's heroes. Yeah, she just maneuvers her way out of this searing pain of the moon beam while still remaining within reaching distance.

of our fighter. Next, our sleet stormed, uh, companions down on, on ground floor here. Dexterity savings through for both of them. I'm gonna deal with the statue first. I want this big, dumb statue to just fall. Yeah, that's a seven. We just hear this earth shattering. This is fucking dummy falls.

You don't see it, but you hear it. The golem falls. that's half of its movement to stand up. It's not a fast, Golem. Well, now it's also on difficult terrain, so walking is double-mover. Sheesh. Yeah. Rude.

No, not sheesh. Sleet. Slat. Slush. Sleet. Sheesh. She's just the sleet storm and the grease mixing together in that one part. It gets really gross over there. Stay out of the sleesh.

It gets to move 20 feet. Yeah, but it doesn't know where. It's heavily obscured. Walk off the cliff, walk off the cliff. Yeah, it could walk off the cliff. When it enters the grease, it also has to make a dexterity saving throw or fall prone. Yeah, but the grease is covered in so much. But it's still heavily obscured.

It blocks vision entirely. It suffers the blinded condition. So both those giants are blinded. I think it's funnier if it just falls over again. It's definitely funnier, but it wouldn't move that far yet. I definitely think it's totally fair that you should have to kind of roll for chance whether you miss the bridge or not. The sleet storm is doing its job by knocking them down,

by eating up their movement. This guy's done nothing but fall down, stand up, and move forward his whole turn because of the sleet storm. In effect, he's moved 20 feet forward as opposed to 60 feet forward because of all the movement issues. Yeah. So the huge stone golem falls down heavily in this terrible sleet storm,

barely manages to get to its feet, starts to walk through the pouring ice and makes it halfway across the bridge. However, magical grease supersedes sleet, I think. It rises to the top like cream on milk. That's gross. Yeah, like oil on water. Hey! What do you know?

That's right. I'm glad we don't have to see it because of the sleet storm because it doesn't sound pretty. The creature's going to end its turn there, so it's going to make another dexterity saving throw. Not this creature's strong suit. Yeah, when it enters the area, a decks save DC-17, please. Three to save against the grease. On your ass against this. Oh, stupid.

We're going to get a big grease stain, too. Statue falls down, and it's really sad about it. The next creature's turn is... How big are these things? I mean, dish be taking some... damage when they fall. No, they definitely don't, but they're very big. 1d6?

Yeah, but that's like 10 feet right there. It's huge. So, again, it's actually taller than a stone giant. Perfect. 25 feet tall. Doran, like, looks through the legs of the stone thing at Rob, and he gives a thumbs up. He says, at who? Uh, sorry.

At Rob? Oh, there. Doren looks through the stone thing's legs at Jack, and he gives a thumb up. And he says, grease is the word. I was in that play when I was young. No, because we don't know. So Red's just like, I did it, guys. My spell helped.

Grease didn't help at all. Sleet Storm was the one. You just hear a bunch of things falling down. It's the Stone Giants turn next, so let's contend with the Sleet Storm again. God, you guys suck. Nexterity saving throw. That's 11. Failed.

Faults stupidly. Joe, don't make me start casting bugs again. This is like the bad guys in Home Alone. I hate the dumb game. yeah that's that's fucking battlefield control right there that's what i did um the stone giant falls down like a loser uh then he's half of his movement to stand up he's gonna move forward uh but unfortunately the stone golem is blocking his way and he can't end his turn in the same area as a friendly um so he's just going to blindly try to throw a boulder at somebody.

I just like the idea, again, with him just standing there, like, tapping his foot. Looking disappointed. Get up, Brian. Ryan. Yeah. Stone giants, whole things are throwing rocks. It's what they're known for.

That makes sense. But he's blinded. I'm the only way I can think of doing this somewhat fairly is that he kind of remembers where red was. So I'm going to roll to see if he's able to pick out your appropriate square. I'm going to call it a one in six chance. Especially because he's moved since then. Yeah.

So I think if I roll a six on this D6, he's going to peg you red otherwise. He's going to try. Well, yeah, he's going to be able to target the right. Exactly. Yeah. Here we go. That's a three. Loser!

Red, you see. this giant boulder come hurtling out of the sleet storm towards you and you're able to I do what he did in Lord of the Rings and just like step to the side that's exactly what I was going to say you see it coming how does everyone feel oh my god feeling great how you're feeling sad sad more a little excited a little excited I mean there's a little bit of slapstick that that takes a little bit of the edge off but calithic is big and mean and right there she's very big and very I mean. Luckily, it's your turn, Jack, Paige.

What do you do? After stepping out of the explosion and orienting herself on top of this pillar, Jack's still trying to wait for the, like, feeling in his skin to come back because he was just, like, instanced before, turned to stone. And there's that fear of, like, being stuck there forever and never knowing it until he's just the small thing inside a shell of granite. But he stares down Kealithica and takes just one step forward. and pulls all of the magical energy he can into him.

And he starts thinking about time and how water gets into rocks and freezes and cracks them and how glaciers wear down mountains. And he pours all of that into these bolts of force trying to get into the crags of her body and expand and break her down like a glacier would. And I'm going to cast the fuck out of a magic missile and send it her way. All right. Love it. I love that you kind of pictured the water inside the rock.

And as those little imaginary pieces of water start to grow and expand all across her, 76 points of force damage as bits of first start getting ejected. Nice. Man. 70s. Excellent. He's been hanging around Murray too much. He's now got water on the brain.

Well, I mean, I did just have water save me from rocks. It's true. But that takes up a fourth level and a Samara, one fourth level. and I'm out of first level slots, so I'm getting down to the short strokes here. Water on the brain. We're in the nitty-gritty. Jack, as this magic missile sluces through her,

you see, again, her skin absorbing all of this energy. And then behind you, one of the stone statues just cracks and crumbles to dust and water pours out and down into the mud, carrying with it big chunks of this statue. Not finished yet, feeling that fear and rage boil out of him. He pushes against Kealithica with all his might, trying to shove her back into that moonbeam.

Thank you, Jack. Yeah. Can she make me a strength-saving throw? Her worst save, I'm sure. Oh, yeah, she's terrible. She's not strong at all. Do you want a woe on this? Do you want me to save this?

Do you have to wait until we hear it, or do you have to do it first? She has to do it first. I would say no, because it's strength. Except it's 4D10. But you'll still move it. Yeah, but she gets a second save too. Yeah, yeah. Exactly.

The other thing is that if she gets into that moon beam, that means that my next action doesn't have to be shifting the moon beam. That's true, too. Move it. Yeah, I think there's, it's a risk. If you got two of them, it's a risk worth taken. What are the eyes? You know what?

I'm with. I say, I say take it. I love the idea of standing next to Mari pouring this power out and like she steps up and finally our magic son to go in sync for just a moment. Yes. I'm hoping for narrative purposes. Or it doesn't if this fails. I'm hoping for narrative purposes this works. Hey, sane, you know, pages are made from paper and paper beats rock.

I rolled a five. Oh, oh. My total was 22, so that puts us to 17. Which is the DC. Get back in there. No, so I saved. No, she saved. Oh, she saved. Sir, you're right.

I was, I was backwards because we were taking numbers away. I was like, we got to the target. That's what we're supposed to do. Yeah. Oh, no. Because it would have been such a lovely moment. Not quite in sync enough. No, wait.

It was sick. They forgot to add the one. Oh, geez. Carry the one. And not better friends. They didn't grow. Then they turn angry at each other. Mari and Jack and walk away from each other.

And it's like, yes, I'm still both their best friends. Yes. I like to imagine that she's trying really hard. like she's got like her hand on his back but it's like this thing is so strong and it just keeps it's like it's straining bite oil and water guys when will you ever learn we'll get there is it jack's hair oil is that the problem too much product marie it's your turn i mean i'm gonna move that moon beam back onto caliph great to use an action to move that beam i think other than just running away bye jack thanks to the backup while you were here anyways yeah yeah yeah it was it was it was

good we tried and we failed and the important thing is never try we'll figure it out yeah yeah yeah if you give me like a fingernail then if you die i can bring you back you know maybe a good insurance policy cool it's actually how we found that sack of like parts under a tree out there it was just somebody's cash of people to i gotta bring them all back red your turn red continues his climb up to the top and he seized the thing and dor and standing at her feet he walks to the edge on the opposite side of her and says, hey, Thaney, I've got a gift for you. In Giant.

Nice. And it's not flowers. No. Yeah. Sorry. Sure. No, no. I was thinking of using my inspiration, but I thought no. You guys could have avoided this whole fight if you just brought her flowers. Ah, damn. I have that dagger. 23.

23 hits. Sweet. Noise. Beautiful. 29 damage. Excellent. And I'm going to fire again. Another one of these statues in the room crumbles and falls, Red.

Beautiful. Red just turns and fires the statue. Less golems. I mean, I guess we wouldn't see it, though. It's bathed in darkness, right? So we just hear crumbling. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, Red attacks again.

Oh, 19 hit. Absolutely. Nice. Doing a great job, Red. 25 damage. Thanks, buddy. Well done. Okay.

And then Red hops over the side and slides down out of sight. And then Scraven comes in, screaming! Fifteen hit. No, 15 misses. Damn, Screevin stays there, though, abusing the Thane's bald head. And that's my turn. Doren, the Thane stands above you. She looks harried by opponents from all.

sides, what do you do? Doran makes some insulting comment about that, an insulting comment that I can't repeat to the audience here. You know, it's like, it's a really slurring, it's a really, it really means it. Cutting slur, it's like that,

it's like that part in that, in that kids' Christmas movie. But he's like, shabby, yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, that's saying a Christmas story. The Muppets? Sure.

You know, about, about, about the attacks and the land and whatnot. And then he's going to, he's going to perform a fainting maneuver as a bonus action. Excellent. Okay, yeah, I don't have to roll. It just is what it is.

So I faint. And then I attack with the, I've just rolled. Can I do anything to this roll? No, I can't. You have advantage on your next attack roll. Duh. Yeah, okay.

So that's going to be now a 28 to hit. Yay. I was like, oh my God. Why is this? Why is this so useless? Oh, and then I'm adding a D8 to it. Your D8 for your superiority dice? That's a hard word to say fast.

That's going to be... D8 to your superiority dice? Wasn't a very good hit, but that's still nine points of damage. Nice. Hey. And I'm going to strike off one of my combat superiority. Doren, it looks like this could be it here. Come on, baby.

With a 26 to hit? Yes. Doing... And? Ten more points of damage. Doran, you take the Thane to her knees, but she's not done yet. Yeah, but she's got a moonbeam on her. Like a tree trunks in front of me, I hack at this stone Thane's legs, exposing the flesh beneath the stony skin.

and it just flakes away as I expose. This giant's bony legs in front of me and it falls in front of me. Shouldn't have taken your thing ship for granted. As she lies there in a pool of moonlight, Doren, her flesh almost seems to desiccate like it's mud in a hot sun and pieces of her just start to float away. A look of hatred crosses her. her face and she says

how little you know then we get her red pops up from behind cover yeah she's down she dead Dorn's like continues hacking at her for a few more minutes you know like Red like casually walks over

Mutilate the body Alex hasn't put the same gruesomeness into this as Doren might actually be feeling and he kind of hacks a few more times until realizing that actually she's not breathing and that's what he turns to red and he says yeah she's she's dead yeah red's like walked over while you're doing that he's just eating peanuts he's like oh yeah you're just like hacking away he's like oh yeah yeah she's she's dead come here everyone don't touch the light we've done it what about those greasy boys down on the bridge i mean we killed the queen or whatever i'm

sure they're gonna throw down their arms soon enough we've done it a screven Go, uh, go outside and get those two that we'll wait and peck them a little bit and let them know that, uh, the job's done. Screeving takes off. Sure. Scrievin. Jack, Marr, she's, she's down. Let's see if she's got this thing. And I walk over to her body and I, I look for the conch.

Okay. Climb into her pocket. Yeah. So she has three pouches tied to a mithril belt that's around her waist. Whoa. Oh, we take that mithril belt. Ah, mithril. The mithril belt is worth 750 gold.

It's huge. You could easily wrap it around your whole torso seven times. It's kind of awesome. Yeah, it's very cool. She also has been wielding an adamantine great club. I don't know if anyone's interested in that, but it's a great club. I mean, it's a great club. You guys aren't.

Yeah, Doren's the only one who could possibly do that, yeah. Yeah. Maybe not these characters, but when Jack dies, it'd give you a perfect weapon for his life. Any moment now. It's just assumed. One of the pouches contains 500 platinum pieces. Oh, I can finally get that ring I always wanted. Another contains a conch of teleportation.

Red holds up the conch and says, Marie, this is what we've been. looking for the second conch you should say it to all of us well well you guys already know we know what it is you all seen well no but door it might not but you've found it i'm kind of picturing like you pulling it out and going all right i hope the cons for everybody to see look we've got another conch the only need and red tries to count one take two to sit carry the walk two more and he puts it away into the back folding next can i just make a suggestion i that was fine but it would be like more of a show if you're like

the conch or the conch it's here you know it's on her it's in her pocket I've got it you know like aha I feel like I said aha and then I held up the conch and be like aha the conch was it not ready enough sure aha we found it red holds up the conch look the second

conch's here and darn is happy yes I am all right rattling around in that same pouch there are seven gemstones that are each worth 500 Oh, there's only six gemstones in here. Slight a hand check.

And the third pouch is moving. Oh, and Red walks over tentatively and like unbuckles it. He's like, guys, get ready, Doran, get that axe ready. There might be something else. And Red throws open the pouch. A goblin? With a twitch and a lurch, something tumbles out in a flash of gray leathery skin, a rock gnome. And he says, boy, am I glad to see you?

Huh? Huh? You were in there the entire time? Thank you once again to our wonderful Patreon supporters, Adam Fry, Amanda Kitchener, Amy Gaza, and Atholagoth, Cecil Lee Wilson, Jerry Rose Anderson, Christopher, Colin Burkhart, Crow, Casey, D.S. Dippity, Elizabeth H, Flynn, Gareth Bradshaw, Haley, Haley again, Harper the Marks, Indrid Hartley, Jekyll, J.D., Joy Robinson, Jory, K.R., KM, Cade, Lazzania, Last Ruth on the left, Leader J, Lizzie Demon, Lorelley Feldman, Matilda Rushing, Melinda Curley, Moon, Melissa, Merlin, Sam C, Reagan, Wren, Ruth Ann Reed, Scotty, S. Ray 96, Tony Pepperoni, Xander Morning Dove, Zephyrus, and Zach House.

Woo! And she says, I hate you. It's a hard rock life. May the courts be with you. Fuck off. I'm stuck between a rock in a hard place. Sorry.

Ow. Owie.