Dice Shame - 2-63 | 'Daily Bread'

Episode Date: November 9, 2023

Imagine your best game of D&D. The shocks, the twists and turns, the moments that can’t be caught because you just had to be there. That’s Dice Shame.Join our DM Jo, her husband Harlan, their brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they experience those unmissable, gut-wrenching, heart-aching, joy-filled moments.This legendary AP releases a brand new episode every Thursday morning at 1:20 am!Content Warning: animal death, swearing, violence, claustrophobiaPart of the Rusty Quill Network Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

God damn it, Doren, come on! Really, uh, I'm a little bit nervous. Bury me in the snow and leave me here. That's if they haven't made up any other stories. I also ate poison berries. That's not my fault. What words could it be? Listen, the ingenuity to make cake.

I just want one, and I want it signed, please. Tear our limbs from our body. Are you traveling? Like... I mean, I'm a little speechless. Oh, I mean, one is the best. Have you considered using that type of pepper over there? I've been trusting bakers for a long time. They're killing machines.

Look at them. I forgot to introduce myself. The name's Mogdil. Welcome back to Dyshane. This is Season 2, Episode 63, Daily Bread. MVP this week goes to Mutant Sanity, nominated anonymously. They're going to be caught up so soon, so this MVP goes out to you when you hear it, muted sanity. And thanks for listening.

Do you want to be MVP or know someone who deserves a shout out? Join us on Discord and check out the Dishame MVP channels pin post for a link to the submission form. We can't wait to shout you out. All right. Should we play some D&D? Let's do it. Woo! If you could have any D&D monster shrunk small and made to be your little pet or familiar,

What creature would you pick? What stands out to you? What do you think is the best part of that guy, little critter? What's the best part of that guy? Can we expand this to anything, like any creature beyond in media? Because as a good player, I don't know that many monsters. Oh, Harlan, you get a shiny gold star for that. I think the spirit of the question is if you can have any monster trunk small to be made a fun little pet, what do you want?

Is everyone else immediately going to something that's? normally really big. Immediately my mind is like, okay, Godzilla, no, Mothra, no. Like, I don't know why, but because the question is small, I'm immediately defaulting so I just got a little moth, but it's Mothra. Well, that's why. And then I'm like, wait, no, that's dumb. Rar!

What if it's something already small? I want it to be really small. I mean, that's cool, too. I, any, just something that's made like house pet friendly. Sure, sure, sure. I mean, it's a classic. Dragon would be amazing. I mean, the breath weapon would suck.

You could, I mean, you'd have to train it, not to light everything on fire. There's a movie about how to train your dragon, actually. Oh, really? It's instructional. It's instructional. You're being sarcastic, right? Unless it's like an electric breath weapon and you can rig up a little battery. Is this creature, like, like, guaranteed dependent on you?

Like, is this, or is it like, also you're going to have to fight it? It can't get its own job. No, no. I was picturing, like, you know, that kind of familiar thing. Just so it's like, you know, this is your pet. There's a real connection there. Yeah, probably a scorpion king. The Rock as the Scorpion.

Probably like a... That's just a toddler merged onto a scorpion body. It's like a tiny mummy lord. A baby werewolf. Owo. No one's just a kid most of the time. You're like, fuck. You're like, fuck, I just got to take this fucking kid.

I just have a baby now. I got to go. My kids turn to turn. chew my damn leg off that's good I want I want a Christine car Stephen Kiddly

I forgot that was a 5-B monster so tiny I want a pumpkin head I want to oh yeah you guys seen that movie no oh it's so good

what's what's yours Rob the one that jumped out at me is a mimic oh that's cool a little mimic pet it can be anything be like fuck i forgot my pen hey buddy do you want to turn to a pen for a second and we can you know write this check or whatever you need a pen would you be writing with ink or god are you

from the 80s that was my go-toe like oh i need sunglasses i forgot my sunglasses hey friend you want to mimic sunglasses for a second let's go out and on an adventure that's really good actually mimics a great answer i like my dragon answer oh dragon's just be really cute yeah no dragon's fantastic yeah it'd be like having a little sugar glider around but yeah Way more feisty A little more brains Then I just want a little Pirate

Like like a human Like a human pirate Enemy you know like a CR2 Which is like Kick him if you're mad Two or three inches tall Just like an Indian in the cupboard little pirate guy Wander around and be like your friend

Harlan's like Harlan's like Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo little pirate guy Yo go still that guy's sandwich I just don't want to do it again No, I don't want to do it again, no You're a pirate You're a pirate You're a pirate

You're a pirate Or like a small banker from D&D Like they could be an enemy right A little noble Anything is possible Yeah I mean if you're a communist They are Yeah

Sure sure sure I don't know I think my mind is kind of going One of two places One is pretty bad I think I'm just gonna leave that In the back of my mind The other one is

We'll speculate on that for a while Sort of like a You know how you have What do they call? Not a service animal But like a therapy dog or something Okay A slave?

No no No no not a service dog You're like how dare you No they're like for like walking around and stuff This would be like that therapy dog What's the name? Sure like an emotional support animal Thank you

Emotional support animal but I'm thinking more of like a little door in my pocket you know that I'm like my emotional support Doran Doran I'm kind of struggling with this right now and you kind of pull them out you're like hey can you what are you doing today can you want to take can we chat like you want to go for a walk or something yeah okay let's go yeah exactly I really can't take this phone call can you just take this phone call for me hello would you like to discuss your mortgage more more just like someone to chat with when you're really on the down i could see myself going on a hike in the woods or i've been watching that alone you see that show no where they're literally alone in the woods you know

you kind of get strained alone or something or maybe you're off you're just you're on your own you're like i just need someone to chat with dorin what are you doing so that i had two thoughts that that jumped to mind immediately pocket size dora which is one is like oh you just want a friend which oh god that's so Alex just wants a friend that can't leave a friend that doesn't leave and they can go in my pocket and they can't leave. Then it reminded me of like tech bros reinventing stuff where there was a tweet recently that was like what if we had a in-person podcast and you like didn't record it but you could like have topics and talk about stuff and they could even be snacks and it was like yeah tech bros reinventing hanging out and it was like yeah I thought you were going to say tech

Bros. reinvented the Furby, which I was totally into for a second. I was like, oh man, Furby's coming back, but in like a new way for like adults, because that's like a friend. It's called Long Furby and... Oh, no. The Long Furby. And I love the Long Furby. Standing tall. Oh, no.

Oh, I know. I'd want like a little T-Rex. Oh, that'd be fun. That'd be fun, right? Like, a little T-Rex to, like, throw chicken wing bones at it. It's very much like having a turkey, I would imagine yeah well I want I would want the Steven Spielberg uh furless oh sure I don't I don't want none of this I don't want to do this woke dinosaur shit I want I want

90s when things were fucked up the woke people came from my dinosaur and they put feathers on it I want the scientifically inaccurate the woke mom I want Pluto and I want it I love This is the very small portion where I'm anti-woke. No Pluto and no fucking dinosaurs of feathers. I'm fucking head in the sand on this shit. Give me my 90s nostalgia in those two specific categories, please. Oh, I just, you keep telling me that they're like little scavengers and you're ruining it for me. You've ruined my whole life.

Oh, see, the one I was going to pick is basically just a feathered dinosaurs. Oh, well, there you go. What? Dodo? No, a quadal. Oh. Isn't he the, like, little chest monster from Total Recall? Quado.

Yeah. Coffo. Let me read your future. Oh, God, oh, God. I cast a stone rock. Oh, you mean, oh, sorry. You mean the fucking guy from Phantom Menace. No.

Oh, no. Quato? Oh, no. So many autos. It's a good syllable. All things can say. I want a five-inch-tall-hunted puppy. it.

Great. As my pet. So you want one of the long furbies? Yeah. But I want a long furby short. A tiny. Short long furby. I do not want a regular Furby.

I want a short, long furby. There is a monster in D&D called a ragamuffin, which is just like dirty clothes that come alive and be an R a person. And now I'm just imagining the like dorm room version of that where it's just like, no, no, I can't do the laundry. that's my friend and let's just get up and like wave

I can't do the dishes either because they're my friends too those are mimics and they keep trying to fight me all right shall we do it let's do it yeah let's play D&D let's go get some tiny pirates woo whew

now I'd be like yarr after the events of the previous night the social temperature around camp is a little frosty red and Jack takes some time apart

Heart, once again, due to a conflict, and Doran and Mari are in the middle a little bit, trying to keep the peace. Red and Mari, you guys are down by the river chatting. Meanwhile, Doran, you're still talking to Jack about what happened last night. Jack, you know, listen, it sounds to me like you don't really want to tell me what's up, and I don't really understand what's going on to be totally up front with you guys. I mean, that's kind of an understatement. I don't really know what's going on a lot of the time. But if there's something I know, it's keeping secrets.

And I think we all have things we keep to ourselves. And I think that's okay to a degree, unless it's going to put somebody else at danger. And, I mean, sometimes you just got to trust that people are doing it for the best reasons, you know? Yeah. I mean, let's do that. I think we should go in that direction. Nobody's in danger.

Uh, it's, it's all good, you know, family stuff, right? That's why we're going back to Scarborough just to, yeah, to confront family stuff. You got anything that you're really excited to say when you get there? Oh, ha, ha, ha. It's stewing on all night or, or the last couple of nights that you, yeah, things you might want to, I, uh, no, I'm, say to somebody important. I'm really, I'm really, uh, I'm a little bit nervous as to what's going to come up because I think, uh, there's still some of my family that are quite upset with me, but a few things, you know,

know my brothers first of all that's you know happened when I was young but still they didn't really ever get over that and I think that's kind of been dwelling on it and then you know I think the stories what happened while I was away at war you know I think they've made their way back home I can't imagine them not making their way back home and I feel like there's going to be some people that are going to blame me for losing their family members and I'm a little nervous and I mean that's if they haven't made up any other stories or gotten other information from who knows what source, very reputable on the way to Scarborough and, uh, and I'm hoping they don't try to lock me up and, and try to arrest me for, for something. Yeah. No, it's not good. The mind creates

all kinds of terrible stories about what, what they could be thinking or wanting to do when, when you get there. It does. All sorts of things when you don't have all the information in front of you. And so maybe, maybe, maybe you should just talk to Red about what, what's concerning you. What? I thought we were talking about Scarborough. Well, we were, but I was using it as a, as a way to get back to your situation. Oh. Hey, what's with your hands? Look, you burn your hands?

Yeah, it left a bit of a mark. That's all. And Jack picks up some snow to try and, one, hide the thing and then also cool off his hands, which have been burning. As Jack leans over to scoop up a big handful of snow, you see that Elister Noggins has been standing behind Jack the whole time. And he's holding this little tray. It's like a camp plate, basically.

of these little rock cakes so sorry these are a gift I made them just now and door grabs when it starts eating it and shoves at his mouth I feel like Red and Mari start walking back over at this point

they're called feel better cakes my mom always used to make them for my brother and I when we would fight with each other and then when we would try to sorry this is really awkward red leans over to Mari And he's like, look at this asshole. God damn it.

I just wanted to say thank you to the four of you for rescuing me yesterday. What a prick. From the thing because she, she was definitely going to kill me. You're welcome. I kind of like this little guy. And I give him a pat on the back. And it like shakes his whole being.

Yeah. And then he offers the plate to you, Jack. That's awfully sweet, Elester. Thank you. And Jack will take a cake. and take a tentative nibble and it's very good. Thank you. It's my mom's recipe.

I mean, I tried. It's been a really long time. Listen, the ingenuity to make cake after a snowstorm fell on your camp last night without an oven of any kind. I'm going to be honest, it's mostly the porridge that Mari was just making. I just took it and I put some other ingredients. It looks around shifting. Oh.

It tastes kind of like, dirt and sand a little bit. It's not bad, though. Very crunchy. Oh, very, very crunchy. I think you got a little bit of beard in your mouth there, Dore. Oh, yeah. I get a very different experience.

He kind of backs away and then turns around and looks for Red and Mari. Yeah, what did you? What's you? Did you want to feel better, cake? I want to feel better cake. Yeah, I do. Red walks over and snatches one off the tray. He takes a big bite.

and you know nothing when you're well these are pretty good and he turns back to Marne he's like alright don't eat one if he drugged us one of us has to stay awake

but I had no other choice but what he'd eat it every time she'd be lucky Mari's got like all the salmon she's just like red stalks back like he's just like

I'm going back to the camp and leaves all these salmon so she just she just collects all of them and so they froze she sighs and sees Elister and takes a cake and just goes, everyone's in a little bit of a mood today, so maybe just

maybe stay close to Doran. He seems to be the most, most even keeled. And she slips it in her pocket. She doesn't eat it. She's just got gross fish hands and sort of tosses it back in her coat pocket. Red walks over to Jack. He's like, hey, are we cool? It's all good. Jack holds up is cake sort of like cheers and takes another bite of it. Yeah, and Red Sleet and he's like, I don't think mine's working. What does this kick in? You take some time to kick in. You got to wait 45 minutes before you have another one or else you're going to get,

you're going to feel way too good. You don't want to double stack those two. I get it. I don't get it. Doran's like, oh no, I'm resistant to poison. This is never going to kick it. All right, well, let's pack up camp, I guess. will stop moving on to Skow Borough.

Good job, guys. Inspiration all around, by the way. What? Oh, nice. Everybody. Thank you. The winds through the gray peaks bring snow with them, making your travels challenging

and even treacherous at times. Days spent carving your way through the snow drifts and sliding down steep mountain slopes give way to nights, huddled together around your shelter and fire, trying to thaw and regain stamina for the day ahead. The mountain range is uncaring, and your progress feels slight, despite finally being nearly

at the doorstep to Doran's ancestral home. You've been on the road for several days, and we come upon the party very frustrated. You've been standing at a closed entranceway to the back passage. to Scarborough, where you've been waiting for about five hours. Doran has been struggling to remember the secret password that he knew 30 years ago and has been refusing all help from the rest of the party out of sheer motherfucking stubbornness. God damn it, Doran, come on. We've been waiting here for like five hours.

That's not my fault. And they must have changed it on me. You don't know you're supposed to change your password every 30 years. God. Red is like leaning up against a tree. His back sprawled up against the trunk and his feet laying out his pack to his side. And like, you know, he's like laying out in the sun throwing stones into a small muddy puddle. Is it you've tried all the passwords you know or that you don't know what passwords to try?

He doesn't remember. It's a little bit of both. Is it in Dwarvish? is it, what's it in, like, at this point? Like, what language? Amari's lying on the ground. She has her pack under her head. She's lying in the snow. She's just sprawled out.

She is completely, she's not even looking up. She's just yelling from the ground. I feel like your feet and my feet are like a few inches apart. And every once in a while, I'm like, get your feet over. Stop it. Move your feet over. I was here first. I was here first.

I said the tree, you weren't near the tree, but you weren't using the tree as back support. We decided back support rules. bury me in the snow and leave me here. Fine. Once dawn opens the fucking door. You know, it is a dwarish saying. I mean, why else would it be any other language to get into a dwarven town, Mari? Don't you sass me right now.

Well, that's what everybody would think is a dwarish saying. If you were trying to make it a good key that nobody was going to be able to get, would it be dwarish? Oh. Is it melon? What was the first one you guessed? I thought it was like Missimo, it's probably something like that, remember? Mellon, no, it's not melon.

Yeah, but think about this, Doren, and Red kind of sits up a little bit. Remember how many times you fuck up a name? It's probably just a variation of melon. It's like Malone or Nellin or Kellen, Kieran, Margaret. Okay, let me think for a second. I know I've been thinking for five hours already,

but let me just think for another second here. Think faster. Put seconds on seconds, and you're here for another five hours. It's definitely something that children dwarves can remember, so it's not too complicated, and it is a dwarf in word. Oh, my God. And it was something that all the dwarves learn. Jack is leaning against the door. He's sort of under the shadow of the rock face in front of us, kind of looking back towards Doran and then further back from that, Mari and Red.

sitting in the snow. I swear to God, Alistair, if you put more leaves on me, and he, like, looks up and, like, sitting in the trunk of the tree, like, up on branches, he's, like, plucking off the dead leaves from the interior of this snowy tree.

I just thought maybe if there was, like, a clue, like, maybe there'd be a clue. Why would they put a clue in the tree next to the door? In case someone went away for 25 years because his family got mad at him one time, and then he forgot that, I don't know.

I mean, it's probably at this point the best option we have. I don't know. And Mari gets up and all the snow falls out of her hair. It's just sheets off of her. And then she goes over to the door and she, like, stares at it. And she's just like, Doran, just, like, what words could it be? It's a child's word. It's something simple.

It's something short. What is the, what have you tried? I'm losing track here because we've just been laying here and my head's full of snow All right, okay Have you tried knocking? I've tried Yeah, yeah, we, I've tried banging on the door

Um, okay, so I try Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Do you smell something? Oh, that's disgusting, Jack. It happens, bodies are... Yeah, no, no, no, no. Listen, I haven't brushed my teeth in about a month so...

No. Wait a minute. Do you smell it? Oh, I do smell something. No, I can't smell it. You scrambles down from the tree, like entranced. Where is that coming from? It smells amazing.

Can I roll for smell? Roll a smell check. Let's take a good sniff. Anyone who wants to do a good smell, do a perception check on your smell. I have a 20 perception. You have to actively smell for this. I rolled a 24. Okay.

Mara, you start to smell something. Oh, no. I have a 16 All factory D&D I only did 14 No red you don't smell I have seven Checks knows a stove

He's like kind of cold I'm too close to Doren It's very powerful aura Yeah I smell something too Red says as he stands up Marr you smell something savory and meaty and sweet

just wafting from over the ridge And it's horrible It's like salt to something It's about the stone I think No No it's just it's it's it doesn't smell bad. It just smells like meat. Like meat. I said it too.

He doesn't smell anything, but he's like really self-conscious. I smell it too. It's meat. Definitely meat. Like a sage and rosemary? I don't know. Like sage and rosemary and parsley and time. Dorn, are you going to be a while still? Can we take a break? Yeah, maybe. I'm just thinking, I think it's two words. I think it is two words. We've already tried to open up and come on.

Doren, listen, listen, maybe there's a tavern just over yonder, where the meat's coming from, and maybe there's someone inside that can refresh your memory or refresh your tongue. Let's go. Five hours is enough to spend, and Red picks up his pack and throws it over. Maybe it's, I'm hungry. It's the classic Dwarven phrase. And he, like, walks over and he grabs Doren's shoulders and, like, turns him away from the door. No, no, no.

Yeah. It's not I'm hungry. Come on, Doren. And he, like, walks him as he's still mumbling to himself. No, no, it's not. Up over the ridge, following your noses through the woods, you come to a campsite. There is a tall orc standing over a fire pit. There is like a stone oven that's been constructed.

It looks like pretty well made. And there are several different pots of burning. herbaling sauces and stews. This orc is entirely entranced in what he is doing. There are packs and crates kind of littered around this small clearing, and he's muttering to himself, standing over this stove, this stone oven, and he's stirring something very thoughtfully with like a stick. Uh

Hello Hello Who's there Oh Oh my name is red This is my best friend Doran My best friend Mari And my best friend Jack

And that's Ellister Doran's got his axe Out and redid What can't believe you just said hello You fucking hear Ork splitter And she's like Kill him

Kill him Dorid Why would you alert the or the orc like that red What are you talking about? Relax Yeah but come on Hey friend What are you doing Skulking around

Over there for What are you doing Skulking around over there? Oh what are you doing? Skulking? No Alright everyone take a break Sorry, sorry

No, no I'm sorry That was wrong Give me a second It's okay And Red turns to Doran Doren, calm down He's just cooking out here

Relax Maybe he knows the pass Within You have no idea Red What? Do you have any idea They're capable of

You're acting like it's It's like we're walking up to an elf or a human here, but it's an orc. I mean, come on. Whoa. Are you racist? I've been telling all my friends that Adorn's a sweet little guy. Have you been racist this whole time?

It's not a matter of being racist. It's a matter of nature and instinct. I mean, they're killing machines. Look at them. Well, you're the one holding an axe, to be fair. The only reason he hasn't got an axe is because we got the jump on him, and you came out and started saying, hello, oh, hello, oh, I'm so a friendly. Hi, I'm friendly red.

Except you don't You don't ever trust anybody that we actually should trust. What the hell? Jack, can you believe this? Are you on this, too? I mean, I'm a little speechless. It smelled great, so we came over to the sea that, I mean, they're making something good in that pot over there, Doran. Great, great, great, great.

So let's just start trusting people that can cook well. Okay, that's a good reason. I've been trusting bakers for a long time. I think it's not a far stretch. Mari has wandered over to the, like, talk to this guy, and she's, He's just like about cooking. Well, for initiative. Yeah.

Shit. Put your knife to it. Instantly decapitated. I feel like if there's like a visual in the background, you could see her be like asking about like what's in the pot and then sort of like pulling some of the herbs out of her bag and being like discussing like, oh, do you use this one? Like. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. And this this well-muscled orc who's clearly got battle scars on him. Um, he's just like totally. zoomed in on exactly what you're saying and is picking up like a spice pouch and discussing the muslin that he's used to wrap the spices in and blah blah blah then he like oh throws his arms up i forgot to introduce myself the name's mug mugdil hi i'm i'm i'm well we've already been introduced but i'm marie and this is this is fascinating this is yeah what a set up you do you live out here do you are you traveling like i feel like reg just like so just calm down

and the three of us walk over to join. All right. Hey, sorry about that. He's got a fantastic setup. I want to trade some spices with you. This is some beautiful, beautiful stuff. Well, now listen, before we... You sound like you know what you're talking about,

but I can't just, you know, trust any pedestrian. I've had some rude comments before about the way that I do things. And listen, I'm on my second cookbook, so I kind of know what I'm talking about. Oh. Whoa. Wait, you cook through, like... You write books?

Or you've written your second. No, I'm writing my second cookbook. Whoa. Yeah, the first one. In Orkish? Well, they've been translated fairly, widely. Do you have any on you for sale? I do.

Can I buy one? I'd love one. Mari, she goes, she's like, oh, and she reaches into her bag, and she, you know, that silver, gnomish cloak? She, like, wraps it around her neck like a little scarf. Like, I'm just a little chilly. But, right. yeah do you guys need like a stack of first edition i just want one and i want it signed please

and red walks forward and like stabs the front page yeah he like nicks his finger with a knife that he has and he like signs it in blood mugdl and then like puts a thumbprint in blood on the inside covers i'll need two one signed and then one i'm actually going to read i like you guys this is great yeah he signs another copy and then gives you one that's uncracked. Doran's like, you know, he's looking at this orc cooking. He's kind of like very skeptical. He walks up

slow. He's kind of poking his eyes around the campsite. Looking for, and admittedly he's looking for maybe pieces or bits of hair, maybe like an orc, or, maybe like a dwarf, a dwarf's nose or toes

or like pieces of dwarf and body parts that, this guy. The most sinister thing that you find is the head of an ibex. Aha. It's kind of like a... What's an ibex? Like a long-horned mountain goat type thing.

What do you call this? Well, normally I cook nose to tail, but right now I'm cooking just the limited four courses, so I'm going to take that back with me. Did you steal this off of an ibeck farmer? I hunted it. What are you talking about?

Do you think I would steal? He gets right up in your face for a second. I'm not saying you would. I'm not saying you would. Dolvin, come on. It's because of him that I haven't got that door open. I knew

there was orcs around, so I was pretending like I didn't know the password. That's why we haven't got it because of this guy. I knew there was enemies around. What's the implication that you're playing at here? I'm saying you're here to

eat some innocent and dwarf child, aren't you? Aren't you? And he walks up and he opens up the pot, expecting to see, like, the face of a dwarf's head. Just floating in the suit?

And as he opens it, he smells and he looks. Oh, actually, this is quite nice. It smells, smells quite. That doesn't matter. And he closes the pot lid again. It does smell very good, actually.

Well, thank you. Thank you. My first cookbook was criticized by some as being a little bit pedestrian, and so I'm going for some some stronger palettes here with this second edition.

Have you tried to bland stew? No, I haven't. I wouldn't classify anything that I make as bland. Actually, this is an interesting test audience here. Right? Tabaxi, a dwarf. Hey, you knew what I was.

Gnome, Waterlady, and a half-elf. You do Tabaxi, but not a Janassi. Janassi? I'm so sorry. It's very ignorant of me. It's fine. I pride myself as being worldly, but I'm not very personable. It's fine. I'm not taking, again, not taking it personally this week.

And also, I would just, I want to hear more about all the stuff you've been cooking. And she's flipping through the book, like, just trying to, like, sort of skim the recipes. So the recipes look, I mean, cool on their face. Like, some flavors that you've deferred. never thought to put together before some recipes maybe some ingredients maybe that you've never even heard of and all of the illustrations are like hand drawn and kind of like a like a ham fisted effort as at sort of depicting what the dishes could be plated to look like oh I love it I want this to be real is it is it just called mugdules cookbook or mugdules kitchen or what

mugdules cookbook number one and he's working on number two I love that he put number one on it knowing that he would have to make a number two. It was like World War I. That's right. Wow. Wait, World War I, oh, God. Or this is called the Great Cookbook. And Red pulls Doren aside.

Doran, Dorn, come on, man. Like, you're embarrassing us a little bit. You've got to put those biases behind you. These aren't biases, Red. It's in our blood. Don't you understand that? Don't trust in Dorn. He's an orc.

You show orcs. Come on, Doran, it's, it's, I get it. Yeah, maybe it's, you know, in your blood or whatever. But you've got to put those things aside, you know? Like, look at me. I'm a cuddly tabaxi who tried to kill you, and you let me go. Doran's, I'm at his wits end, I guess you could say, with the whole door thing and now coming across this orc.

And he grabs red by the scruff of his shirt. And he pulls him close. Your breath is terrible. Listen, the only reason that is, That orc is being friendly is because he hasn't got his axe in his hand and we approached him and scared him. Orks are inherently evil and he will do whatever he can to eat us and tear our limbs from our body. All right, well do whatever you want and Red walks away and joins the cook. Huh.

And Doran sort of, he goes back to the door, but he's keeping his ear open for like potential fighting. sure sure so at the first sound of friend murder you're going to be right back exactly exactly inevitable sound of friend murder mugdil is plating up four courses for everyone who stayed behind he doesn't have seats for everyone unfortunately so you're all going to have to just kind of stand around awkwardly with your plates but i have my own seat red has this giant stool he took from the giant thing oh yeah you pull like a full set of furniture sure out of the bag of holding. Yeah, I'm like... And four chickens.

Just a random thing. Yeah, Mugdil is really pumped. He's like, okay. It's been a while since I've done some taste testing, so this is really great for me. Let me say, first that I came out to the Great Peak Mountains because some of the best, freshest, most exquisite ingredients can be found on these very slopes here. The first course that I have for you today, and I hope you'd do enjoy. We have spark tomatoes on gingered rye bread. And he passes around these

rectangles of this light brown kind of fluffy rye bread that have this stewed tomato. And that's what Doran had pulled off the lid to and had taken a big whiff of earlier. The spark tomatoes typically grow later on in the autumn and I jarred these myself last season. Oh. All right, let me ask you a question. Do you want real

opinions on this or are you just looking for someone to kind of boost your ego? I genuinely don't mind doing either just to be crystal clear. Sometimes you just need a little bit of an ego boost and sometimes you want to know something's good. At this point in my career I need honest opinions and this is why I think

I think this diverse audience is going to give me what I need to make my cookbook a real true success respect the process man I respect the process all right and red takes a big bite and eats it in one Murray's like eating it and she's just like she's overjoyed she hasn't had food like this in

over a year of like over a year at this point and she's just like so happy and she's like oh this is this is phenomenal and she starts like looking at the other spices and sort of being like you could have you considered using that type of pepper over there that thing could be like as a finishing like option like it would be amazing just bring that out a bit interesting interesting jack takes a bite and has just been like closed his eyes and slowly savoring it and there's like a tear building up in the corner of one eye it's that good i just wish torren could taste it yeah it's all right i give it a three a three yeah three Out of what? 62. Are you kidding me? Oh, I mean, one is the best.

It's like, well, no, you know what? I don't really have. I don't, look, my brain doesn't work that way. I don't get rating scales. But I would say it was pretty good. It was a bit plain, to be honest. You know, just the tomato and just the bread. They're quality ingredients, but, geez, that's what it needs.

You need something in between. Otherwise, it's just tomato on bread. He turns his back to you and starts shaking his head or muttering as he's plating up this second course. See, that's why I have. I knew he didn't want feedback. He just won't let us to say he's good. Just say he's good for the next one.

You're just trying to invent pizza. What? No, there's lots of stuff. I'm just saying it needs like, okay, a mayonnaise or something. Some creamy texture. You know, you've got this acidic sort of tart tomato, you know, a little sweet, but then you've got the bread. It's kind of plain.

You need something in between it. It's fine. It's fine. It's bland. It's bland. You guys have bland taste. You ate a rock. That's right.

And some poison berries off of several bushes. I also ate poison berries. I taste things. Believe you mean, I taste things. The refined palate. Meanwhile, Doran, you made your way to the door. Doran's like grumbling to himself. Oh, I don't understand. Just how dangerous an or can be, especially in the wild like that all on their, all on their own.

Maybe I was a bit harsh on the guy You know I mean Orksbild are you there Yeah What did you think? He seemed like a pretty nice orc, no? You can kill anything

Especially orcs You're really no good at talking About anything really Other than killing You're just a magical axe What the hell am I doing? What do you mean just? You know

I should I should really just go back and apologize for being so rude. You know, yeah, I think I will. After all, the food does smell incredibly delicious right now. I am

incredibly hungry all of a sudden. Maybe I will just go back. Oh, but it's always difficult to admit when one's wrong. And then you hear what you'd been dreading and fearing this whole time. Oh, oh God! Oh, God!

Oh, I knew it! Come on, Ork Splitter, come on! Yeah, Doran! Get it there! Doran, you rushed through the snowy bushes, Ork Splitter in hand, though your heroic charge may ultimately be too late to save your companions from the nefarious designs

of the hideous orc. Without you, who knows what evil has befallen. Thank you once again to our wonderful Patreon supporters Adam Frye, Amanda Kitchener, Amy Gaza, Anne Atholagoth, Cecil Lee Wilson, Jerry Rose Anderson, Christopher, Colin Burckhart, Crow, Casey, D.S. Dippity, Elizabeth H, Flynn, Gareth Bradshaw, Haley, Haley, H again, Harper the Marks, Indrid Hartley, Jekyll, J.D., Joy Robinson, Jewry, K.R., K. M. K.M., Kade. Lasagna, Last Ruth on the left, Leader J, Lizzie Demon, Lorelei Feldman, Matilda Rushing, Melinda Curley, Moon, Melissa, Merlin, Sam C, Regan, Ren, Ruth Ann Reed, Scotty, Sray 96, Tony Pepperoni, Zander Morning Dove, Zeperis, and

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