Dice Shame - 2-75 | 'The Roof Caves In'

Episode Date: February 1, 2024

Imagine your best game of D&D. The shocks, the twists and turns, the moments that can’t be caught because you just had to be there. That’s Dice Shame.Join our DM Jo, her husband Harlan, their brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they experience those unmissable, gut-wrenching, heart-aching, joy-filled moments.This legendary AP releases a brand new episode every Thursday morning at 1:20 am!Content Warning: animal death, swearing, violence, claustrophobiaPart of the Rusty Quill Network Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Bull shit! I say, no fucking shit! Well, why don't we calm down? We'll let together, all right? Everybody's okay. Everybody's okay. Alright, nothing chaotic about us! Isn't it going to collapse more right now and are we about to die? I don't think I trust go to your...

I've called myself down. Well, it happened and that's happening here. Turns out none of it was real. Yeah, I saw you give me looks. Oggers are like onions. I'm sorry about the hair. You don't have to start throwing things at. I guess I never considered that.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Calm down, okay? Oh, my God, Marie! So much worse. Welcome back to Dyshame. This is Season 2, Episode 75, The Roof Caves In. MVP this week is Twanette 93. You were nominated by Yami, who says,

They're currently making their way through season one, and I enjoy reading their thoughts on red. Thanks to Yami for the nomination, and congrats. Twanette 93, you're this week's MVP. Congratulations. And Red is also my favorite character. All right, should we play some D&D? Yeah, let's do it.

All right. Woo! Imagine this. Your character has now been transported to the world we live in now. They have their personality. They've got an apartment. They're settled a little bit. You know, they got a little bit of cash.

They're not immediately freaking out, but they need to get a job. What kind, because we live in a capitalist hellscape, what kind of job would your character likely end up in? A taxidermist. Doran wakes up, you know, in his... See, Doran wakes up.

Yeah, Doran wakes up in his wood bedroom apartment. Furious to be laboring under capitalism. You know, wakes up, goes down. Oh, Doran's a butcher. Doren's 100% a butcher. Blood on his apron. A New York butcher. Yeah, either that, either that or...

He makes amazing pastrami. A car mechanic. Doran's like covered in grease from head to toe. Sort of like correlation there being blacks. He's a better butcher than a car mechanic, though. Yeah, he's more... I'm like blood in his beard and all that kind of stuff. They call me the butcher.

Red is a TikToker. 100%. He's like an influencer in Instagram. He's doing those really fucking annoying dances in the show. street and stopping traffic and trying to high five people. Also has cameos on late night infomercials.

And an assassin. Those are TikTok videos I would watch. Hey guys. Hey everyone. I'm going to go find my latest mark. Whoa. Get ready for me while I prepped to kill this guy. That'd be so good. Assassin content creator. That'd be really fun actually. I'd watch that.

It'd be pretty funny. Jack is probably serving coffee and trying to have a YouTube career where he reads scientific papers and tries to dumb them down for the layman, but it just doesn't work. And so it's just a very- It's not taking off. No, I mean, he doesn't quite have the charisma to turn it over, but it's his passion to communicate. And serving coffee, though? I mean, he could work at a restaurant. But he's also a nepo baby, because he's, like, got rich daddy, like, and mommy from New York and, like, you know what I mean?

Like, I think he'd be like- Does that come to this world, too? Is he, if he's comfortable? Yeah. He's an amazing apartment, and he does not pay for it. Well, then- I think he would, he would be like, oh. I'm just trying to really make a go of it on YouTube. Yeah, yeah, okay, well, then all the more reason for him to wake up every day and try like, oh, my views are down, I guess. That sucks.

Oh, well, I guess I'll still drive a nice car and go out for dinner. That's what I mean. Yeah, yeah. Well, if that translates, he's got it made. Well, that's what I mean. That's, I mean, like, I'm, like, I don't want Red to be a TikToker, but I also think red is shitty and annoying enough to be like, you know, to have enough people. That's not the adjectives I'd use.

You know what I mean? And I feel like we got to transport the good with the bad. And Jack in this day and age would be very much into like, hey, you know, if I don't need to worry about money right now because dad's got it made. Yeah. But I could see Jack. He's got like a missed call on his phone from his dad where he knows that his dad wants to talk to him about like going back to school or.

I was thinking more along the lines of Rob or Jack is like, no, he missed a call from his dad, but he's like, dad, some of us have to work. You know, I have a job, don't you? and then he hangs up and he's back to work at the coffee shop you know he's like

God you don't you don't know how it's just trying to make my way in the world today and he gets in his $200,000 Tesla

Cs. Joe's the GM Joe is just God yeah I'm just a deity it's fine oh Mari you have an Etsy shop but what does she make rings

no like glass beads filled with water epoxy epoxy stuff with flowers in it you also do embroidery. Yeah, definitely like an...

This is just me in real life. Yep. You are Mari. Oh, no. I was going to say she runs a bubble tea shop. Yeah. You're an Etsy shop, but you're like living in Paris or something because you're far away from home.

Because that's Amari part of her too. And I'm like a TikToker, but I'm like from Brazil. You know what I mean? I'm in like New York. I love the idea that's like this wonderful international group. Of course. It's like we've all met up. I mean, we'd all hate each other in real life.

Yeah, as those characters. And Doran's a car mechanic. No, a butcher. We're going with it. Truck nuts. Butcher by day, car mechanic by night. Or vice-vis. This version of Batman is no good.

And we all get together for coffee. And we were like sitting around going, you know, I wish I did something more with my life. Hi, TikTokers. I'm here with my friends. And we're about to play D&D, where I play a guy named Harlan in real world.

Yeah, and I'm playing this human named Alex Guthrie. And we keep fucking up Jack and Rob. I love the idea that our characters just have to play as us.

Yeah, and Jack's playing this guy Rob. Poor guy. Rob, I mean Jack. Rob, fuck. Yeah, but he doesn't change

his voice. He doesn't change his voice. He just has the same voice that he uses. Instead of Alex, you keep calling her Alice. Alex. Alex.

right Alex. Yeah, yeah. My character was already named Alex. What are you doing for? Why are you putting on a voice? The joke is that your voice is your normal. Yeah, that's the voice of putting on. That's the voice.

Oh, I guess it's too much of a voice. My voice of myself isn't my voice of myself. You got meta-deep. I showed up partway through with a pre-made character and it's just there just like, no, we already have a character named Alex. Why did you bring another one?

What's that meme that it's a movie and it's the, Inside the inside of the dream. What's that movie? Being John Malcovic. Jacob's Ladder? What dreams may come? No.

Inception. Inception. Yeah, what do they call is D.N. Deception. Deception. Deception. I can't fucking think of it. D&D? R.P.G. Inception.

R. P. Jepson. There's something there. Everyone let them figure it out. Where you're like, where you're like RPGing on top of your RPGing on top of your RPGing. Role-play inception It's like an onion Oghurs are like onions You guys ever try to do that

that improv game where you all say the same thing Tyler telephone Like three to one You're trying to get to say the same word And so you start it Yes Basically yes

Oh yeah Like you're both trying to get to say The same word at the same time Oh but you're doing it Okay Jesus now we're doing quality content This is such good audio. Should we play some D&D?

Yeah. I was trying to convince us to all say something like that. Oh, like we should play D&D or all together. I'm so confused. Let's do it. Hey, Dungeons and Dragons. Let's enjoy. This energy is going to carry over into whatever episode this goes in.

I think you're right. We should carry, we should do some Dungeons and Dragons. All right. Let's do it. The cavern walls rumble with aftershocks, and the ambient violet light of the Scarborough Graveyard is shot through with plumes of dust following the terrible cave in. The only entrance and exit to the cavern appears to be entirely blocked with giant slabs of stone, sealing you into this enormous crypt. Whoa! Is everyone okay?

Is everyone okay? What happened? What the hell's going on? Stevie? Stevie, where'd you go? Elster? Oh, good. I'm here.

This shouldn't have happened? This isn't a caven area. What happened? All right. I wouldn't. All right. Everything is fine. Everyone's fine.

Just take a breath, okay? Everyone just breathe. Everybody is okay. There's plenty of oxygen down here. There's plenty of fresh air in this encapsulated, closed-in, rock-filled area. Red. I think it's fine. Red.

Is everyone else finding it really hot in here? Red. Is everyone else having a time breathing and finding a way? Red, red, red, red, and she runs over, and she, like, grabs red, and she just sort of swings her head around, and her hair, which is soaking wet, just slaps him across the face, just soaks him. This is, like, cold water hits him. What the fuck is wrong with you? Calm down, okay? Where in your brain?

Did that make sense to calm me down? Oh, my God, Mary! So much worse. Oh, my God. I feel so violated on so many levels. It's so on here. Oh, my God. What the fuck are you doing?

Calm down, okay? You kind of just told me that. I'm covered in the fur. It's freezing down here. Look, it's just worked in the past, okay? Just pull it together, all right? I'll get your hands off me. Now I'm wet.

Sorry, sorry. Red storms off angrily. Oh, wow. Okay. All right. I think I just made that worse. Who knew such an animal would dislike so much water? What?

I'm just, like, I think Mari's just like, I feel like calling him an animal is rude. Oh, yeah, I never, I guess I never considered that. Well, technically, we're all animals, so. So what happened? Did anybody hear what happened? Did it just cave in? Did something let go? Wasn't the rat going crazy?

I heard something. Red, what happened? What? Red, get back here. I'll give you a towel. Reds comes over. Doran's sort of inspecting the ceiling in the walls, trying to find where there could have been a fault or some natural reason for this. Yeah, as you guys walk over to the site of this cave-in

and dust is clearing, you see that there are massive chunks of stone that litter the ground around here. Some of them having broken sarcophagi and gravestones. The ceiling of the cavern is cracked and broken, giving way to a huge rock slide. You're lucky the cavern seems to have retained

some structural integrity, at least for now, considering the weight of an entire mountain range is suspended overhead. Well, it doesn't look good. Red walks back over. Drier now after shaking. Okay, I've calmed myself down. No thanks to.

to the cold water dumped on my head. All right, all right. Stevie was upset. He freaked out. He smelled explosives. I don't know exactly what that means, but I... Well, I have my suspicions. Yeah.

Well, I mean, Doran, the Scarborough isn't, like, mining or anything near the old graveyard. That wouldn't... No. No. No, no, absolutely not. I mean, hell, if they were doing... If they were doing construction down here... you'd see minors, you'd see equipment, they'd have this whole area

blocked off with warning signs I mean, despite what you may think, Jack. Okay, dwarves are actually very organized individuals and they do have cities all on their own. I didn't mean to any slate against dwarves.

It's okay. I mean, the only explanation that I can think of I mean, look around. This cavern is very, very old and clearly not well maintained. Who the hell's running this city anyways? Well, what about Stevie?

Stevie smelt, you know, gumpowder and explosives. I mean, smelling the air, does Doran smell anything that would give? Credence. Does Doran smell better than a rat? You can absolutely roll.

Yeah, roll perception. I want to smell for... On a roll for smell. I want to be the Stevie. Listen, smell that? That's going to be a 21. Whoa. Smell horrific.

He smelled. so good. An unnatural 21, but still a 21. You couldn't roll a 21 if you tried. It could have been a 20. I got the fuckiest D20. I just pieced that together. It's an unnatural 21. He's got like a 1D6 taped to the D20. What do you mean? I didn't. He just got white out over 20 and he says 21.

No, he's written a two beside the one. This dice goes up to a 21. I lose the 18, but it goes up to 21. But see, I didn't even clock it until we thought about it. That's what was so funny. When Joe pointed out, I was like, oh shit. It could have been that I had a negative... You smell good.

A negative three or something. Doran, as your nostrils flare and you look around the graveyard, you detect the old smell of death, just gently waft. towards you. Yeah, I don't smell any explosive, sorry, I think your rat might be wrong. Stevie's not wrong? How dare you insult my rat?

Well, I'm... Okay, well... These things are bound to happen. He may be stinky, and he may be dirty, and maybe orange is in his natural color. He's just been in a lot of rust. He likes licking rust, but he is not wrong about smelling.

So the thing, then, is it going to collapse more right now, and are we about to die? Like, number one, this wall, are we feeling sturdy? Right. Or are we about to be crushed imminently? That's a good question. Let me test it. Red walks over and puts his hands on the stone. Ah.

It feels warm. Can I roll a stone cutting? You can absolutely roll stone cutting. Oh, right. There was a delay there. I thought you were going to call it rock coming. Can I roll rock facts? Wow.

Rock facts. Rock facts. Stone cunning. How does that even work anymore, I forget? How do I work this thing? You add double your proficiency bonus. Mm-hmm. And roll the damage dice twice.

Damn it, Rob. All of your dice, you roll them twice and add the modifier. Oh. Double proficiency. That's right. That's what he said. I know. I'm just, I was trying to find my proficiency.

They're very small. You're doubting me, you doubting Stevie. They're small words. This is better than my attacks. 21. An unnatural 21. 21. Yeah.

Doran, as you observe these rocks carefully, you see that there are some perforations on certain rock faces that look like they were made by some kind of tool, like an auger. Perforations on the rock faces like around where everything just fell? Some of the fallen chunks have these, like, drilled out holes in them almost.

Okay. Like a lesser being than you might have thought that they were, like, tunneled out by creatures, but you can tell that these were made by a tool. Dorn, like, puts a finger up and opens his mouth and then, and then catches himself and decides not to say anything. I don't know. I'm hugging this rock. feels pretty, pretty planned.

And Red drops his hands and turns around. Ah, I don't know, Dorn, don't you think, between, you know, the letter and... What are you getting at? The explosive powder. What are you getting at, Red? I won't smell any explosive powder. Well, I don't either, but Stevie does. And, I mean, I would.

I would have, you know, I know that smell. Look, I... What letter? What do you insinue? You know, your mother wrote to the council and tried to get... Goetier, you know, not elected, and maybe there's some bad blood there. Red. What?

What are you getting at? Just say it. Say it out. What are you getting it? Well, maybe Goetier doesn't want you to see your mom. Maybe Goetier doesn't want you to leave this cabin. So what? He's going to try and kill us? Well, I don't know.

Oh, my God. This is preposterous. This is one of the most preposterous things I've ever heard you say, Red. I mean, I've heard you doubt, you know, doubt people before. But, I mean, this is my cousin. You really think... When have I ever doubted anybody? When have I ever thought less than somebody?

When have I ever been suspicious of anyone? Uh, Elister. What? How about half the guards we've ever met? What? For guards, for cities? Jack? What?

I never doubted Jack. Oh, come on. Did I? Lou, I saw you giving me looks when he went to do some casting. I saw you the looks you gave me. I mean, Alistair, I never doubted you, by the way. I just, I suspected you. Well, that suspected you.

I just, I didn't trust you. Well, not that I didn't trust you, I just don't like you. I like you now. It's okay. I kind of figured that you guys were going to kill me. What? Whoa, how long? You think we killed you?

No, no, no. I mean, like, when you first picked me up, I thought you were probably going to kill me in my sleep. Whoa. Why? Kind of did the opposite. I don't know. You guys just kind of got like the chaotic thing going on.

What? What's chaotic about us? There ain't nothing chaotic about us. Red's got his sword drawn. He didn't even realize it. He's like, oh, I'm sorry. Alistair just kind of vaguely gestures around. Guys, I read, I don't think I trust Goetheer, but I don't know if, like, he would have the wherewithal to, like, set up explosives in this area.

Like, I think something blew up, but I don't know if it was him. Well, I mean, I'm torn because Goetcher could absolutely want to stop us from getting into the city. See? Well, but if there were a party who. was hell-bent on destroying Scarborough and not us personally, we did just day ago encounter a bunch of cultists working for Clarion, that big dragon who wants to ruin this place, who's got three more eggs buried somewhere in here. Maybe they're blasting to find buried dragon eggs or something. Oh, come on. And it's incidental to us. Well, look, okay, what, what? Like, now this

matters. Look, let's get back to Goetiers and talk about this with them. If he, If he did do this, he failed, because we didn't get crushed. Jack, dig us out of here, and let's go back to Gautier's. Yeah, a problem with that. It's Earth, molded. Uh-huh. I agree. We need to get out of here.

That's number one priority. I mean, Red wasn't exactly wrong when he talked about only a finite amount of oxygen in here. What? What do you mean? Oh, there's lots, don't worry. Just a really finite amount. It's lots for now. Eventually, it'll run out, and that does not help.

For now. Alistair, finite means infinite, right? Um, right? Whatever, Jack, molded, let's go. Uh. Mari sees, like, Jack hesitating, and she sort of steps over, and she's like, okay. Yeah. Things have been off with your magic last little bit, so can we just start small?

Just, like, a test spell. Like, like, back when you were a kid and you're just learning. how to control stuff. Sure. And then maybe that'll get your head in the right space. Test spell. What do you? Oh, because

right, right, when you tried to bury the hole for Alistair. Hold on. I mean, of a different version of Alistair. I mean, we never tried to bury you. I mean. Don't ask her your corpse is.

Megma. Oh, no. It's actually really funny. We tried to bury a hole for you. The original you. All the parts of you that we didn't need after we went to Mickey U. Wait, where is my body?

Oh, don't worry. Like, 90% of your body is in magma, like 200 miles that way. Awesome. But we got a finger of yours. What? I think Marys still has it. No, it's, no, the... I don't think the, I don't think the finger became...

Well, it's a spell component. It evaporates. It's a spell component. Yeah, so you're saying that my numb body... All right. We're getting off topic. Look, if Jack can... can't mold us out of here, Mari mold us out of here and read points to the rock wall.

No, we'll try. We'll try. Yeah, so Mari reaches into her bag and she pulls out a candle and she concentrates and goes to just do a very simple spell. She's done hundreds, thousands of times before. She just snaps her fingers. Let me just interrupt you there. Oh, no. Can you please roll a D20 for me? Nine. Well, that's a number. Mari, your spell does not work

as you intend. I'm not impressed, Mari. I don't know what you're trying to do, but... I gotta say that was pretty... Yeah, I mean, it's a big fanfare. Instead, the ground nearby begins to rumble. What the?

And then, rock splits open and skeletal hands protrude, pulling themselves from the ground, Whoa, what the... A skeleton emerges and begins to lumber towards you. Hey, hey. Whoa. What the what?

Stop. What? A dwarven skeleton is animated and... Holy crap. Mari, the skeleton tries to attack you and maybe it hasn't seen the darkness of the underdark in... Good one. Too long because the skeleton just misses you. But it's definitely trying to attack you.

Whoa, Murray, watch out. What? That, oh, God. And she just rears back and she's... got, you know, grabs at her at her walking stick and just swings it out, just cracks it across this thing. Yeah, and it explodes in

a shower of bone shards and falls to pieces at your feet. Oh, my God. What the hell were you saying the other day, Jack, when you said she wasn't a necromancer, bullshit. I say, no, I don't, hold on. That shouldn't have... I don't know what that was, but... Oh, the skeleton. Doren? Came out of the gravea. I mean, I know what it was.

That shouldn't have happened. I'm just thankful it wasn't the skeleton of a soldier. That looked like a skeleton of a drinker. He's carrying a tankard. I was just trying to light a candle. There is no reason. I've never caused the dead to reanimate like that. Hey, maybe you're a secret necromancer,

and Jack was doubly wrong. Watching what Mari did and knowing what the intention was and what the results were and having been racking my mind about how magic works to fix my own shit, do you have any theories on what's going on or why magic would do that? Very possibly, you can roll on Arcana check

if you like. 19? Dude, you know this is Ferzerus. Uh-huh. Yeah, we've experienced this before. Yeah, so, I mean, stuff that Jack knows about Ferris

you know that it affects magic and spellcasting in unpredictable and varied ways, kind of like wild magic. It's especially influential on conjuration and divination magic. If you like, you can roll a history check to figure out if you know anything else

specifically about Ferris. I'd love to. 27. Fuck, yeah. You know. know that the word fairserus is composed of fair meaning magic and zress which is to hold dominance or remain in force which together mean that magic remains nerdy entomology is not going to make me any friends here but i'd love it i want to know all of this its original term had fair and zeres

inverted which rendered the term as dominating magic uh yeah what yeah uh so i mean um do you remember the weird magic when umberhawk child of yours um shale use his name so you remember when we found shale and there was the weird glowy

vibes in that tunnel that kind of made magic act weird no well it happened and that's happening here I remember that fairserous it's a it's a like under dark wild magic the deeper we get the weirder it is so what happens when I do this and redcasts

minor illusion Roll a 1D20 Oh god 14 Who is the nearest creature to you Red Uh Mari Great Um roll 2D10 please

Oh fuck Love this That many gold pieces Fly out of your hands And hit the creature next to you Each coin deals one bludgeoning damage And you're able to pick them up afterwards Eleven pieces of gold

Fire from Red's palms Just like And like Blah-bblah Look at it in to Marry's face. What? Why? Why?

I'm sorry about the hair. You don't have to start throwing things at me. What do you mean? Why? It's wild magic, Marie? How am I supposed to know that 11 points of gold would go firing at your face? What the hell's going on this madhouse? Red says and winks at Doran, and then he goes, picks up the gold.

Doren, after being winked at by Redd, it's a living. Takes this look on his face like, I think I figure this out Doran approaches the boulder wall and he looks back the three of his four of his companions here and he says Thank you. Don't worry guys I think I figure this out and he turns and he walks directly into the boulder wall

Take a run out of Doran. It has to be an illusion It's not Oh no do it! Okay so no magic and it's not an illusion Oh my knee Okay I think we gotta we gotta take stock What do we have on us that can help us move rocks or get out of here? I have a bow. It shoots arrows.

Nice. A block and tackle. You picked one up in that, in that. It's not a time for fishing. No, not that kind of, not a tackle box. It's like a pulley and rope and stuff. We got that box and tackle. Look, I put all the party goods, as it were, into Mari's bag of holding.

Did he? I didn't want to mess up my stuff anymore. Well, I mean, was there anything in that bag already? Maybe we should just see what we've got because... Well, everything would be in there. Mari pulls out the bag, starts sort of shuffling through it. It's like, it's pretty organized. She's been adding tags to things to find things more quickly.

There's no soup, fewer chickens. You know, we're going to be in a chicken deficit one day, and all of you are going to be looking at me. And she pulls out the block. and tackle. But there's also all the other stuff. There's like a two-file section. And there's random stuff in there from the cultists

and she sort of started shuffling through that. Do you love the idea of filing in an infinite space. Yeah, she's built shelves. It's not infinite though. That's the thing. We talk about it like it's a forever box and I love that. Like a forever box. You know, a box of forever

like that. I love that you use that like that's a thing. You're like, we talk about it like it's a forever box. But this isn't a forever box. You guys haven't found that. It's not like a forever box. I look forward to the forever box. For all intents and purposes,

it is. But in real D&D, bags of holding have like a finite volume. The book that you took from the cultists is a copy of Phoenix in the ice. And she, Mari, sees that and pulls it out and looks at

Jack and she's like, do you know what this is? That's a book, Mari. No. Oh, that's, that's, that's, that's propaganda. Uh, uh, I remember, I take a look at it though. Um, I remember those were handed around school when I was, when I was in, when I was younger. My struggle. Oh, yeah, did you read this one?

Yeah. Was that the Burning Phoenix? Does that have pictures in it? I'm not surprised the cultus had that on them. Fucking childish cultus. It's like a religious pamphlet. Yeah. That's what Clarion can do for you.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. So you've ruined your life. Why doctors prescribe clarion? Yeah, it finds the, pulls the block and tackle out and takes the book and sort of pokes through it, but just hylix of Jack and it's like, do you know what this is? Do you want to take a look at this? Yeah, I can take a look at it.

I don't know that's going to help us get out of here. No, I don't know. This is just, I don't know where to put this away. I should add this into the... Why don't I put it with my other book? Yeah, or if I put it into the, to use for firewood pile. Nope, never that. That one's an easy choice.

Hey, hand me the block and tackle. Maybe we can use it to wrap around one of these bigger boulders and get out of here the old-fashioned way, without all this fancy magic. And so, Mari hands it to red. Thanks, Mari. You're welcome. Awkward. What are you doing, Alyssa? What are you standing there for saying awkward?

Like, it's awkward. It's not awkward. I just said, thanks, didn't I? More than Mary said when I gave her the bag of holding. I didn't even want the bag of holding. Oh, then don't take it. Here, Doran. And Red walks over and, like, kind of gestures to take it out of your shoulder.

He doesn't actually, but he's like, might as well give this to Doran then. Oh, sure. But, I mean, I think Jack's the one that's kind of claimed the ownership of that for some time now. Oh, well, then we'll give the hole to Elister. All right. That's cool. hear that alister you got my portable hole why don't we calm down and focus about whatever red can do

to not give it to jack okay we got a block and tackle so we can maybe move some heavy stuff I'll wrap it around this thing and I'll climb up and I'll tap it into the ceiling with a peaton here elister take this end of the rope he does and red starts climbing up the wall of boulders to try to hammer it into the ceiling

as red climbs up the wall of boulders it's an illusion you fall through just a little bit it up you've solved my boulder puzzle stone for the bottom two-thirds but it's delusion it's like Mario you can get up and run on the top solve my boulder puzzle turns out none of it was real

the first five feet are real but the uh man you know what though i was just about to say that is totally a fucking classic d and d puzzle and i hate that shit where they're like oh if the first five steps are safe the sixth on the Left side's deadly, but the, it's like, oh my God, just let me do it or not, you loser. No, you lose.

Kill me for me. You lose. I remember that. The, what is it? Tomb of annihilation. Is it a tomb of horrors? No. Tomb of horrors.

That's why you need chickens. You send the chickens first. So you're 10 foot poles for. I was going to say you need a 10 foot pole. No, you need a thousand 10 foot poles. Such a stupid dungeon. Anyway. It's very true.

But you're still going to get fucking dissolved by poisonous gas in the last room anyway, or whatever yeah anyway at red as you climb up this wall elister is holding the end of the rope and he kind of looks over at you murray and at the side of his mouth he's like what was that about i think things have just been tense for the last couple of days it's it's been i don't know i and there's this like moment where she's like she's not really sure what to do because she hasn't only talked to elister since bringing him back because there's been this incredible awkwardness where She's very aware of the fact that she brought him back, but not correctly. And how do you talk to somebody when you put them accidentally into a different body?

Like, what do you say to somebody? She's standing there and she is watching Elister and she's like, I, look, I don't really know if the right word to say is sorry because I, didn't. I don't think it was wrong to bring you back because you did not deserve to die like that, but I am... Wait, are you talking about me or red? Red, red is red. Red is, red is, red is figuring his stuff out. He's scaling walls. He's doing what he needs to do. And that's fine. Okay, well, hold on. If you and I are going to have a conversation, and he hands the other end of the rope to Doran, and then he, like, brings you over to a different part of the boulder wall and he's like

let's just have it out all right who like to hold the other rope ow god damn it Doran hold the rope whatever red climbs back up sorry you were you were saying I'm I am sorry that I got the spell

wrong for lack of a better word I don't know I hope that you figure things out and that it's okay and that you're I don't know I hope you're glad to be back but this look of just bewilderment comes across his face hold on are you saying you got the spell wrong

I thought that this just was the way that it was this body I mean it hasn't even been 24 hours and it still feels wrong like i know i'm the same person as before but it kind of feels like i don't even know how to describe it like and you're saying that that that was a mistake that you made or that i just want to get this straight darns like exchanging glances with jack

reds climb back down and he's like oh shit my hurry fucked up i i don't i don't even i don't even i don't know. I don't even know if it was a mistake because I, I, I'm going to be honest, this is the first time I've ever brought someone back. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I thought, I thought I, it would work in a way that would bring you back as you were, like, when we met you, and I mean, I didn't know this is how it would turn out. And that's the part that I'm sorry. What? What? I'm sorry. This is all just coming at me right now. I know. I know. Before you do this to someone else, for someone else, to Red or Jack or Doran, if they die, is they're a chance that they're going to come back as a worm, as a bird, as a giant.

You're making a lot of decisions about the way someone's life is going to be. And I know that this is life and death. And I know that your intentions were good. But it's bigger than that. I know. I, and that's, and maybe I made these decisions in a panic, and I felt awful that what, that we brought you down this path. But it's subtler magic than I was willing to realize. And part of it, part of the strength of it when you cast it is the ability to know somebody, the ability to remember them, to think, of all of the pieces of them, of the way they look and the way that they smell and they sound and all these little parts.

And if you know all those things, you can bring somebody back. I've seen it. I've seen somebody do that for someone they love and to bring them back in one piece. And I guess the part that I, the hubris that I had in that moment was, I don't know you. and what little I had I tried to use but I guess I didn't realize that I needed more knowledge

to do such a thing Maybe you should have spent a little bit more time trying to get to know me the 10 days that we were adventuring together Is it your fault that I'm at Duregar? It's not how

I see you I don't, I don't know. And there's... Whose fault is it, Marie? I guess it's mine. And I'm sorry. It's at this point when Doran, having obviously been eavesdropping... No, all of us are.

We're all, like, staring at this conversation. You're all, like, so close. I'm not sure if this is the best time to mention it. But, you know, while we're on the subject, If I do die, definitely don't bring me back to life, okay? Also, that's the poop corner over there. Oh, no. And if I could just say, Elster, it really doesn't matter what's on the outside, right?

It's what's in here that counts. I know, I know, listen. I had a conversation with Red a little bit this morning about my future and Red was trying to help me feel a little bit better about being comfortable in this body. And you know what? I mean, it is what it is. Look, let's just tackle the problem at hand. If we don't get out of here soon, I may go crazy. Thank you to our wonderful patrons, Adam Fry, Afflicted Adina, Aizu Yukai, Allison Wrights, Alistair, Anne, Atholigov.

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