Dice Shame - 2-80 | 'Catch You Later'

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

Imagine your best game of D&D. The shocks, the twists and turns, the moments that can’t be caught because you just had to be there. That’s Dice Shame.Join our DM Jo, her husband Harlan, their brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they experience those unmissable, gut-wrenching, heart-aching, joy-filled moments.This legendary AP releases a brand new episode every Thursday morning at 1:20 am!Content Warning: animal death, swearing, violence, claustrophobiaPart of the Rusty Quill Network Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, you three Stay low Hey, made our first friend in Scott Barrow Oh no, this version of cats We just need a minute to huddle Just give us a second Look at the impression you're leaving on visitors We need homeless people for this scene

No one's gonna notice There's that sewer vibe we were missing Doran's like giddy like a child Oh this piece of shit, doca Let's see if we can have this happen again Does a good old college try Yeah, he wanted to go see some great I gotta go get the grinder around

That right there is the back of Gorgon's tavern It's easy enough to get to follow me Hold on 50 feet No, let her decide where it is Yes. Guys, Doreen's right here. She's the girl. She's alive and well!

Guys, look, Clarion and Kraloth's soul. Wow, this is easy. I don't give any distance. Six conches in this barrel? I was going to throw this out. Welcome back to Daj. shame. This is season two, episode 80. Catch you later. MVP this week is Colin Burkhart. Colin was previously celebrated as MVP for episode 17, the old one, two. He's literally been

listening since the very beginning, and he continues to post memes for each new episode on the Discord. Not only has Colin been around since the very beginning of the show, but he's also one of our first patrons and a good friend. Thanks so much for your continued support, Colin, and for hanging out with us all these years. You're this week's MVP. so much, Colin. All right. Should we play some D&D? Yeah, let's do it. Woo!

Scarborough is a lively city. Now that you're within the walls, you can fully appreciate the bustling noise that opens up into the cavern above and echoes around the columns and stone walls and statues and bounces back down. It feels almost like stepping into kind of a colosseum. Doran, you know that even taking the back alleys in a city like this, you are likely to encounter creatures or people and that certainly pass without trace will help you to avoid certain encounters,

but there will come a time as you traverse the city where you are just going to be seen. Where are we going, Dorn? Come on. Let's keep moving. All right. It's a lot busier than I remember it being. And I'm kind of afraid that if we head straight to my mother's home, that we're going to be easily seen.

However, you know, we might be lucky in that Gorgon's Tavern really hasn't changed. And when I was younger, we used to climb into their crawl space. And you could actually kind of spy on who's... in the tavern. I'm thinking if we get in there and we can spot some friendly faces then we might be able to find someone to help us

kind of get a little further along to my mother's place. What do you guys think about that? Why not just head straight for your mums? Well the problem is my mums is on the other side of the square. Do you think any of your old friends might be there? Like anyone you might know?

And this is kind of what I'm thinking not the guys you don't want to see Of course, yeah But I look, I remember Climbing into the crawl space It's sort of like at the back of the tavern And it's not really a place where anybody goes And you know what

I know where it is from here And it's quite easy to get there But you know my mother's house Is sort of around the block And across the square It's not going to be so easy If we made a pit stop In Gorgon's Tavern

You know, there's And guys, this crawl space Let me tell you It is so cool. I have stored some weird stuff. I'm focusing too much on the crawl space. Yes, exactly. It sounds like a great idea, Doran.

Go against Tavern. Let's do it. We need to keep moving. Follow me. Stay low. We're just going to the end of this alleyway. That right there is the back of Gorgans Tavern. It's easy enough to get to.

Follow me. No way. It's like, no, let her decide where it is. Yes. Guys, Dorin's right here. She's alive and well. Guys, look, Clarion. and Kraloth's soul.

Wow, this is easy. Oh, don't give any distance. Six conches in this barrel? They're just going to throw this out. This is a bunch of snails. Oh, the giants are here. As you're talking, the door that leads into the building behind which you have been sheltering opens.

And an elderly dwarven woman with just a bucket of sloppy water, tosses it out into the alley. And you kind of see her eyes, like, slide over you almost. Like, Red's spell is in effect and combined with the fact that you're all huddled behind these barrels, she doesn't see you. But you all just get covered in disgusting moth water. Oh, at least it's not shit water. There's that sewer vibe we were missing.

Shaking the dirty water up. Can't escape it. All right. We've been in worse situations. Follow me. He quickly moves. stay low especially you two and he points it well no he points out all of you especially well you three stay low we'll try and be shorter yeah crouch i always think short maria's never felt more

conspicuous than in this moment yeah a giant blue woman even though the five of you are attempting to stick to the back alleys of scarborough it is impossible to remain unimpressed by this dwarven city. The lights from the forge fires and the cook fires of the city reflect up into the cavern above and back down

into the city providing a lovely glow. There are lanterns hung outside of the doorways of shops and dwellings. All of them displaying lovely geometric patterns, right angles

and gorgeous stone. world. Even the paving stones of the alleys that you traverse are neatly and evenly kept. Here and there, you spy through the openings of the alleys, a huge statue of some dwarven deity or politician erected in celebration. These monuments, these massive stone statues are breathtaking in craftsmanship, and you move through the city. The alleyways, however, are not unoccupied. The first creature that notices your passing is a simple alley cat. The alley cat stops and looks at the five of you as you are attempting to move quietly through its territory. I do love that there's cats in Scarborough. I haven't really picked.

on cats underground and the, with the dwarfs. That's nice. I can't speak with animals and tell it to fuck off. I do speak with animals, though. You should speak with it. Yeah, why not you speak with animals? We're looking for the quietest way. I'm just trying to think of, like, what would be useful to find out from it other than just...

Can you show us a way where we're not going to see anybody? Yeah. Who knows? Maybe it's British. Hey. Hey. I suppose you... No pressure Joe.

Could be Ukrainian. I hope it's well. Oh, I might. Oh, I'm just out of cat. No, I'm a bit. Oh, no. This is a version of cats. Help me out.

Oral, meow. I mean, if you don't have to, but I... You know what you should do? You know what you should do? Ask for nothing. Just say hi and be nice to it. Because it might come back later and be like, and we might need help. Just like in King's Quest 5.

This could be the king of cats. I'm just imagining we're fighting Goatier and we're all like fucked. And then all of a sudden this cat just comes to a fucking nowhere and starts ripping its face off. Well, yeah. With the chair. We don't meet him. You make friends with one squirrel, and that squirrel will fucking find you and bring you a nut and say thanks. I really thought you were going to say bring you a knife.

And I didn't. Knife squirrel. Practical answer. That's right. Now what do you do? Does a cat? The cat sees you. I mean, we keep moving then.

I think you'll just keep moving. Put it this way. If no one wants to play with it, Red sees the cat, and he freezes. And then he reaches into his bag and he pulls it some jerky. And he kneels down and he walks. towards it and like offers it. Hmm. This is like a sooty gray cat.

In fact, as you offer this cat the jerky and it takes it from your hands, its whiskers leave like wisps of dirt on your paw. You can tell that this cat doesn't get clean very often or maybe lives somewhere very dirty. I'm obsessed with the idea that Scarborough is just filled with city cats. But that's like the thing. You've heard of city cats. These are sooty cats. They're sooty city cats.

And Red, yeah, Red reaches out and pets the top of his head and just says. Now I kind of want to know why it's so dirty. You can't, it won't talk to you now. Mr. Chan, Red's like nudging you out. My friend now. No, and he just says, you know, hey, buddy, take care of yourself. You notice that she's clearly a new mom cat. Oh.

She's got kittens stashed away someone. So she gratefully takes the jerky from you and, like, sort of hesitantly, like, slides away. You know, months from now, those kittens are going to come to our rescue. With knives. See, that's why I don't want to get this cat involved because it's going to kittens. What if someone else kicks it in the face? God. Well, Red just leaves a handful of little bits of jerky, and he's like, hey, made our first friend in Scarborough.

That didn't try to kill us. You know what? That is not nothing. The giant is about to kill all of you And you look up over the hillcrest And there you see Five kittens They're coming to your rescue

On the backs of crows Look to the north Don of the third day Kittens on the hilltop Be right by Don! Too much fun Cool Too much fun

Yep A bell begins to toll From somewhere within the city Telling you the hour is changing And as you round the corner into this... Jack's like, three o'clock. Three o'clock, guys.

They're off by ten minutes. That's good. No, it's dwarf time. As you round the corner into this next alley getting ever closer towards the center of the city and Gorgon's tavern, you spy a figure hunched over, digging through some trash.

Your path in order to pass is definitely going to come within touching distance of this person. Red-like signals to hide behind a wall. And he turns to the others. What can we do? That doesn't involve Doran punching a guy and pushing him over into the trash can this time.

Don't you also have a magic tattoo? Of course I do, but who knows what comes next? If I need to pretend I'm goate you. Doran, are you still looking like this other guard? Yep, yep. I think Doran sort of turns. You still have the charisma running, too. Oh, yeah.

Dorn kind of walks up and he says, hey there, friend, listen. Couldn't help but notice you're digging through the trash here. It looks like you could use a warm meal. A dwarf pulls himself upright into kind of a proud posture. He's definitely got clothes on that are well-worn second-hand items, things that he's cobbled together. He's got like fingerless glove type vibe going on, but he's proud. The thing that all homeless people in movies have. Yeah. Like, we need homeless people for this scene.

Get the more fingernailus gloves. Next time, picturing him getting off a train and taking an apple with one of those knives. Does he have a bindle? He does. He does. You have a stick? It's a big piece of wood.

Does he a metal barrel on fire? It's a portable barrel fire. It's like on a purse strap around his waist, but it is on fire. Does he have a toque and like a day old beard, which is clearly just painted on? It's like a 45-year-old. beard because he's a dwarf. No, yeah, so this dwarf turns to you.

He's like, yeah, I mean, a hot hot ale. I mean, a hot potato and a cold ale would go down real well right about now. And Red just turns to Jack and he's like, always, he moves one step

forward without considering the next step. He doesn't have food. None of us do. Well, listen. Listen, maybe this will buy you something. And he reaches into his pocket and pulls out whatever money he's got. I love that. You know, Dorr just reaching his pocket because he has no follow-through.

And he brings his hand out and everyone's looking at it and he opens it and there's nothing in it because there's no follow-through. And then when he's looking into this fist, he punches him with the other hand. Also, like, to get to his pocket, he has to go through his illusion to, like, give away that they're not the pockets. Oh, wait, can we back it up? Guys has. Oh my god, you're a ghost.

I don't want to meet a ghost in an alley. And he punches you? It was a prophecy. It's all coming true. Does Marikin as the alien? She certainly looks like. Let's back it up. Oh, my God.

What I didn't think as Alex, what I didn't think of is that I don't actually carry any of our gold pieces or our money. I know. But what's funny is I love that Doran always like puts, a plan of emotion without ever considering the next thing. He did the same thing two seconds ago with the guard. I love it. Never ever changed.

But it fits every part of Doran's backstory from him being a terrible leader of like these armies because he's like got the right like get up and go but didn't have a whole plan and then you get stunted Danlin's peak. But none of the follow through. Doran's famous meeting when all of his soldiers met at the cliff but forgot their weapons. he's like, oh shit. So this man looks down. No, no, no. Red comes out and sees Doran reaching his pocket and saddles up alongside and he's like, here, here.

And he holds it open so door and can reach into the bag. Yeah, yeah. It's sort of like in a very hidden way. You're staying behind me. I like reach into seemingly. Sure. My pocket. And I'm sure.

If you need that. And you hear like, she needs to hide behind you. Oh, here. Take some. Can you pay the tab but make it look like I. That's exactly. Well, it's all our money. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cool. So how much do you offer him? A 10 gold pieces, you know. Nice shine. Red keeps slapping. Red keeps slapping the gold. Like, you grab like 15. Like you drop five.

I managed to get eight, nine pieces of gold. And I, and I bring my hand up. And I'm kind of shocked a little bit at how much I've grabbed. And I say, here, look, there's a,

I can't help but just think that I, I hate to see people starving in, you know, our city here. And then another furry hand comes through his illusion and it's holding a chicken. Yeah, yeah. It's just like slowly comes from his other side. And some food. It's like when you're a kid and someone puts their hands through your sleeves. I love that.

Do me a favor. Yeah. And he drops the coins into the. Just on the ground, pick those up. Sorry. Dance for me. This is, um. Oh, Doren.

I'm sorry. And also have the. chicken, you hear a voice from behind. Would you, would you do me a favor and, and go check on, uh, you're, I wonder if this is too much, actually, to say, check on the iron fist. No, not this rando. This rando can be bought for handfuls of change. He's not trustworthy.

No, you're right. I don't go there. Yeah. Listen, I just, um, do me a favor. Go get yourself a drink. You heard that voice, though, echo across the alleyway, though. Don't, don't get him to do stuff. He's just some guy.

And then as Doran's talking, another furry hand comes up and cups of Doran's mouth. And you just hear a voice go, leave this area, please. It drops the chicken on the gold. And then the hand pulls Doran back around the corner. You do that thing that we do with Marie, where you like make her his mouth move. Yeah. Please just leave this area. Take the gold and the chicken.

Go, bye. And then I pull him back. I was getting to that. That's so good. You had to sneak up on it. You didn't, you had to sneak up on it. I didn't want to spook that moment. You had to get it going away, please.

I'm crying. Does he go? Yeah, he takes some money and goes, and he looks behind him one time at you, Doren. This was perfectly normal, and I'll never tell this story at a bar ever. Mari, Marry's just standing there, just like looking up going like, I could be a bat and I could be out of here so fast. And he heads back, he heads down the alley, and then he looks back at you, Doren. Thanks. and if anybody asks

just say you found it I just found this chicken and gold and gold from the surface world or Zosan Buffle or somewhere what else would he say thanks man

and you and then you realize that he picked pocket no I'm just kidding yeah yeah cool and then Red stands up and he's like what the hell

or maybe I should say and if everybody asks tell him don't tell him anything just shut up Go, buddy. No, I don't want, I don't want him telling anybody. Yes.

If anybody asks, no, go. Just say you found it. Yeah. Yeah. In the meantime, you turn around all of you at the sound of. Splendor of an eagle. Oh, God damn it. Yes.

Behind you in the alleyway are two city guards standing there. That makes sense. With their arms crossed. This feels about right. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Dorn stands up.

And red says, Well, we appreciate you bringing us in from the front gate, Cobra. That's doca. We know that our friend was not allowed in the city, but we appreciate it. And we're, uh, appreciate you bringing us to the tavern that we asked you to bring us to. Where exactly are you five headed? Well, to the tavern behind us. Gogan, Gorgon's tavern.

That's where your guard here. That's where they think they're headed. And turn turns and winksing. I was actually taking them out of the city because they shouldn't be here. Why shouldn't we be here? What do you do?

We're not door in a Oregon's Tavern. What does it matter? It's a tavern. We're all able to go to a park. Sorry, the god is confused. We just need a minute to huddle. Just give us a second. Look, look, look.

We've got to do a little chat over here. We're going to get our story straight over here before we. Red takes a step towards the guards. And he's like, he's like, look, maybe I should just come clean with you guys. We paid your front guard here five gold to give us to a good tavern. Is this not a good tavern? Is he trying to back out of it? I mean...

Can I roll deception? You want to roll deception on being... I'm pitching the idea that we paid this guard, who we know is at the front door, to bring us to a good tavern. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's totally viable. I think that's believable enough not to require. Okay.

Oh, I just didn't want to... Much more believable than me escorting you out of the city. That seems better. Agreed. Is this not a good tavern? I mean, maybe we got short changed, eh, Jack? I mean, it's a good tavern. I don't know if Doca is selling you up the river or what,

but Gorgon's tavern hasn't been considered a good tavern in, oh, I don't know, a couple of years at least. Oh, this piece of shit, doca, you... I mean, I love a dive, so... because water genozy. Oh, it's good. Shallow dyes. Very good.

Thank you, Rob. Yes. Yeah, do they have nachos? I don't know if they have nachos. I'm not a nacho kind of dwarf. All right. Well, anyway, this is the garden's tavern, right?

Sorry. I'm not your kind of dwarf. Yeah. I should let you have it. It's fine. This didn't want to miss it. Well, look, is there anything we can help you too with? We just paid this God, like I said,

to bring us to this tavern. Is there a problem? Where is Dore and Iron Fist? Who? That asshole Oh he's not allowed in the city The four of you Were known to have been traveling

Yeah and believe you me We shook that asshole He was a total jerk A total prick You know what he would do And Red Light took a step towards them He would have these plans These cockamamie plans

Where he'd get one step into them Without thinking about what the next step would be So all the time We'd be knee deep You know Trying to figure out how to get out of these schemes We shook them frankly I think last time we saw him, he's on the outskirts in the chanceless house, wasn't it, Marie?

Yeah, I mean, I'd have to admit, didn't know him super well, so he was just, I don't know, he's just kind of a weird guy. All right. Yeah, he wanted to go see some graves, and we said, no, thank you, we'll check out the city. Both of you rolled deception checks now. Damn, I was just going to say, why don't I involve someone else in a deception check? You're fool. But yours isn't, or you're not, it's not great, it's not bad. Ooh, I rolled a Nat 20.

Hey! And I rolled it on that 20. Hey. Look at this. See? Lies will carry us through. What do you mean? See?

Don't be like, see. This random chance clearly was a sure thing. See, guys? The plans always come through. Well, Doka. I would say it's probably about time that you get back to your post. Okay. Well, actually, part of what we paid him for is he promised

to come into the bar with us and show us the Dwarven way of drinking. So maybe he can go after he comes, I mean, you know, he can do it with water or whatever if he has to go back on post, but surely you'll let him slip inside for just a moment. I mean, I'm not the boss around here. I just don't want to hear about how you can't take too long of a break away from your wall duties at the next safety huddle because that's going to be like a whole thing. So maybe you didn't see him and hopefully he doesn't get caught. Do you say safety huddle?

I don't, it's not even my shit. What are you fucking Walmart? It's OSHA down here. Hey, Doka, what'd you say they paid you? It's not even like my shit. I was just covering for what, isn't it? You know, the, the reader. The one read.

The important thing is, if you're worried about wasting time, what are you two? We'd explain you what we hear. No offense, boys, but maybe you should be on your patrol, you know? What do you think we're doing? Patrolling an alley behind Gorgon's tavern. It's safe, I promise you. It red turns around to head to the tavern. Doka, how much did you say they paid you?

And how much is it worth to you that Brazdraud does not hear about this? Well, Brazdraud? Really? I'm Brad, of course, but I mean, ten gold pieces? So who's Brazdraud? Oh, well, Doren, Brazdraud underback was an up-and-coming so-and-so. when you left Scarborough, but he was like a high-ranking member of the guard.

Well, yeah. I mean, Brastrot, of course. I mean, I wouldn't want him. Listen, they're paying me, was it 20 gold to take you to the tavern? Five gold for five. Look, you really are trying to extort a fellow guard for bribery? We gave him five bucks to show us the way to town. I'm sure that's just a matter of fucking.

and cultural, what do you call it, tourist destination? Some tourism article we're going to write about this. Yeah, what the hell? Yeah, yeah, like lay off, guys, come on. Look at the impression you're leaving on visitors. I mean, frankly, I don't know, guys. Look, so far, we've been treated kind of poorly. Maybe we should all go to Brazdrod and...

Sorry, what were your names, guys? Oh, me? You don't need to know my name. Yeah, I thought so, because I think the last thing Brazdrod would want is for five out-of-towners who had so far a pretty good recollection of your town and met a great guard by the front door,

having to report two guards for shaking down out of towners? I mean, listen. Is that what we're doing here? You are not just any out of towners. You're known associates of Doran Iron Fist, which makes you persons of interest. I don't think that the commissioner of the guard

would really give a flying fuck about how you were treated. I mean, I would just describe this as interesting persons, but whatever. Yeah, that's fair enough. Look, maybe this is all getting a little. too high tempo. How about this? Instead of shaking us down for money, the first two drinks are on us. And all three of you come inside right now. We buy you a beer. We toast as friends. You get another five minutes on your break. You go on your way. Like, you're going to spend the gold on a drink

anyway. Take a load off for a moment and then make this a happy parting of ways rather than what it's getting to be. Jens, come on. Roll persuasion. Can I help him? With super advantage? No. Oh, just regular then? 23. All right, but... And the two dwarves look at each other, and then they look at you, Doren.

All right, but none of this ever happened. We're trying to say. Who'd believe it anyways? Ah, come on. And what are your names? And Red kind of, like, puts his hands around them, and he's like, you know, trying to be friendly and bringing them towards the bar. I feel like you guys are talking, like, weirdly quiet. And, like, your foot falls are, like, really quiet.

Ah, no, you got a head cold. It's going around. Yeah. All right. Cool. Your ears pop it in reverse. They've just popped extra hard because you're underground. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Red, like, points to Doren. Like, he's trying to lead these guys forward. Mm-hmm. And he, like, points to Doren about the guy on his left. And, like, Marri guy on his left. And Jack and him, I'm, like, pointing on the right. Mm-hmm. So we're, like, you know, 30 feet from the end of this alley that leads to the back of

Gorgon's tavern. Yeah, cool. And Red's just kind of leaving them up front. Yeah, you know, I mean, you'll have to tell us what kind of ale we got. And Red's looking over his shoulders at like everybody kind of trying to coordinate. I'm just trying to bring them as close to like a dumpster that we can dump them in. Is there anything nearby to dump these bodies in? So presumptuous that we're going to...

Would you call it there's a waste trough nearby? Yeah, that's right. A shit trough. A slow moving but steep waste trough leads off down to one side of this alley. So, okay, so it's all a great. Yeah, it's all agreed, and he pats the both in the back, and he, like, steps back. We can all let our guards down. We can just get along, and nobody has to get anybody in trouble.

Not going to kick anybody. Any more knocked out. Red drops past without trace, and he casts silence. Nice. And this veil of silence suddenly just moves over all of us. The guards immediately pick up that something is going. on and their hands are on their weapons. Yeah, and when they turn around, all of us are doing the same thing like,

oh, what? Huh? Like, what just happened? I'm going to punch the one guard right in the stomach. Yeah, and Red will kick the other one in the stomach. Very kicky. I have to stay on a trend now. Just trying something new today.

Yeah, I mean, they're not going to go down without a fight these guards. Doren, I feel like you get a shiner that if you didn't have your illusion up would be starting to close over a little bit. Who's that from? Or from these guys? Oh, you're just going to hang out of it. Yeah, one of like, from Mari. She was just like in a mood.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No one's going to notice when. Red, you get a bloody nose maybe. Yeah. Marry sees this going down and then full on like tries to a football tackle one of these guys. Excellent. Lungees. But she's so much taller that she basically has to throw herself at the ground.

Jack, thanks for a minute about some of the, fighting forms that Doran and he were practicing and like throws his best punch at one of their noses and does his does a good old college try excellent it's fine are you should wash them down the trough be like you know don't you can't you produce a lot of water she's not a fire hydrant guys maybe I'm thinking of the water guys he's literally the only one who does it so just like entirely based on strength scores I feel like Doran handles one guard and then the three of you sort of handle the other guard. Elister will save us

if nothing else. That's also part of the reason why Mari is just like, you know, I'm just going to go for it because there's the chance that she could also, if Elester ordered reacted once,

let's see if we can have this happen again. Yeah. She's got sisters. She's used to, she has sisters. She's thrown a few punches. Mari, you roughhouse. Just viciously hair pulling.

She's saying so many mean things, but you can't hear them. You can't hear them entirely. And so just a silent, flurry of combat. for about 15, 20 seconds and then these guards are out cold. And Red like drags one

into the trough of sewage that like runs under the street and they just disappear like kind of like the way that guy in Beetlejuice goes through the wall that really thin guy. One guy plugs up a hole for a second and the water pressure builds up behind him

and then shoot he goes up. Fucking Augustus Gloop over here. Can't help feel really bad about this. Dwarven. shit, though, scentless. Bland? Bland shit.

I just didn't want Scarborough to be reeking of shit. I wasn't picturing open troughs of sewage until... Not I feel like we got like smart ways to filter it, you know what I mean? Like there's something clever about They have like little grates that go over top and there's wildlife, those like little like weird

plants that grow into them so you have. So the plant, there's like a symbiotic relationship. Rob, tell us all about it. I mean, you'd already mention ventilation. It could have a big long chimney connected to some of these things, get them under a little bit of negative pressure, so they're always venting in. If they got the forges and stuff

putting hot air up, you could draw some extra air in. No problem. I also like the idea of like dwarven bathrooms also just being kind of like different, right? They're built different here. Shitting in a dwarven house is like you shit, but then like you turn around and you take like the petals that are like on the top and you take them and you sprinkle them all over your shit, which like

and then you like grind it. which makes it into a paste and then you pull the lever which flushes it into the trough and what you end up with is like it's like basically like good smelling fertilizer that's ready to go out to like the mushroom farm

I like that idea in my mind when I was thinking about this city I was just like they poop into shafts that ends in magma so the toilets are warm and also the poop just gets burned up into the center of fear but I think they're more industrious than that honestly

like when you think about the dwarven mentality right Rather than where we, you know, like, let's say we were turning our shit in a fertilizer, that would be at a fertilization plant. They would just do it like somewhere else, right? Whereas I feel like the Dwarven mentality is more like homesteader. Like, their bathroom is in and itself where they convert their fecal matter into fertilizer and then flush it, right? I mean, there aren't home composty toilets. Well, all I mean to say is those funnels are fertilizer.

Like you could, like, I love the idea of Dwarven walking through and scoop it and not be like, guys, this is all, this is good. You can grow mushrooms in this. It's not shit. Free compost. that like they're at like go to your place and every time one of the best good bathroom be like see you in 25 minutes I guess and just sort of like entertainedly walking away gotta do my shit chores why not I mean the way we think about

shitting is so easy right go make some fertilizers I gotta go shit in the center of the earth I'll be right back I gotta go I gotta go get the grinder around I got elevator down I mean if dwarves only shit like once a day and it's a good shit you know it's like how it any different than making a meal right you spread the petals on after you turn the to churner, then you flush it and I like it. I'm into it. So the little myconid is sitting, like looking down this, this fertilizer trough watching the bodies float down into whatever fertilizer vat, there must be somewhere underneath

the city and it just wanders over and sits down in the fertilizer. Yeah, it's really happy. I feel like the troughs go right out to the farms. Definitely. As we talked about before, there has to be mushroom farms where they grow all these crops. So what's better than dwarven shit. Shit aqueducts. The shit quiducts.

It's industrious and amazing and disgusting. I love it. I love it. Shit quiducks. And now ahead of you, 30 feet down the alleyway, is Gorgans Tavern. The outside of Gorgans Tavern is decorated on. on all sides with the head of a gorgon. It's a raging bull-looking creature

with sharp pointed horns. There is a back entrance, Doran, near to this crawl space entrance that you're familiar with. Yes. So the crawl space entrance isn't really so much crawl space that you would go into that's part of the building. It's like a panel that's towards the bottom of the building that we used to slide over as we approach.

So Doran approaches. Here. Red turns to Jack and Maron. He's like, I shudder to think of how small a dwarven child crawl space is for us. And as you... Two feet high. A foot and a half.

Sure, the back door that's right there is... We're like lying flat. Beside the door to the Gorgon's Tavern is the crawl space door of your childhood dream. and you lead your companions to it. Oh, Dorn, this is really cool. Come on, guys. And Red moves the, like, panel and herds everyone in,

and then as everyone gets in the crawl space, he takes the panel and slides it back. So many sooty cats in here. Now I'm using talk with animals. From in this dark space, you can hear the muted sounds of the bar above and beside you. It seems like maybe it's like a split-level establishment.

In fact, there are some, shafts of light just barely projecting on your faces and bodies as it seems like there are maybe some small cracks between the stonework of the bar. There's got to be like a bulkhead that's built around the fireplace or something. And that like we can actually stand up and peer out. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like how there's like weird spaces in some buildings.

I see what this is. Look, the dwarves must keep this area all open. Like in Mazdica, we fill this with like hay and stuff. stuff like that to keep the insulation, but I guess because the city is so warm, oh no, they pump warm air through here. That's why it's so toasty in here. These walls are basically like heating. That's pretty cool, Doran. Yeah. So the whole floor is like a grid for dispersing air up in here.

So elaborate. Look, look, and Doran like stands up. Everyone took off their clothes. Sweaty. It's like a sauna. We're doing this. Plenum. It's an air plenum.

That's the... Yes, exactly. You're making that up. No, that's a real word. Plenum's a real word. And look. Doran kind of crawls over and... Not only are you in Gorgon's Tavern,

but you're like in Gorgon's Tavern. Yes. Yeah. Isn't this cool? Doran's like giddy like a child. You see Doran like cross the crawl space and you can see the base of this big stone fireplace. And beside the fireplace, Doran all of a sudden stands up

and you can see that there's like enough room for like all five us to kind of like huddle around each other and peer through the cracks in the walls. Look. Check it out. Here's, here's my carving. What? Doran Ironpress. Look at my, look at my carving writing. It's so tiny. And look over here.

Oh, hey. It's like a rudimentary version of your, your symbol that you put on all your armor and stuff. Is this? Wow. Yeah, there should be six or seven of these. Yeah, there should be six or seven of these. Is this what you practiced before you settled on your final design? Pretty much, yeah. Oh, it's pretty cute, Doran. You know how you doodle as a kid.

Yeah. But look, let's, I'm going to. Let's peer through and see if we can see anything exciting happening. This is exactly what I used to do as a child. Peer through and spy on the older dwarves drinking and having their old dwarf conversations. You should see what goes on in the rooms upstairs. That's how I learned so much about the world.

That's where you push beds together, right? We're like, oh. Touch a strange. experience to be revisiting a place that you hadn't been for such a long, long time, especially a place that you had been more familiar with as a child, probably, than as an adult. Gorgans Tavern is a strange bar. The furniture and fixtures in this place are all carved from stone, much like the rest of

the Dwarven City, although these carvings are meant. to resemble the victims of a gorgon. The tables, the bar, the chairs even, all seem to be petrified animals and humanoids of various kinds, the victims of this monster. Behind a huge stone bar is the owner. Doran, you know this to be Gereem Blunto, a 230-year-old dwarf.

who's been in the brewery business as long as he's been alive. He's got a round face and a close-cropped gray beard and short hair wearing a dark blue apron over a white linen shirt. He's scrubbing the bar absent-mindedly. You watch as the door opens and a bell rings to permit the entrance of a couple of guards.

Gehrim looks the guards over and nods at them while a wide, practiced smile crosses his face. And he says, Afternoon, what can I get for you? And they say, No beer today. We're on duty. We do have, we have some business, though. And they approach the bar.

Post these. And they hand to Girim some parchment with some portraits drawn on them. He looks them over, shuffles them in his hands, nods, and the guards leave through the door, through which they came. There's just a couple of patrons around the establishment, so it's not like Girim's really hard-pressed to find time in his busy workday. He heads over to the side of the bar and begins to tap these pieces of parchment onto a board. And as the five of you look on, your own faces appear on a wanted poster. Underneath your likenesses, it says, wanted Red's Rovers. My hair's not red.

Thank you to our wonderful patrons, Adam Fry, Afflicted Adina, Aizu Yuckeye, Allison Wrights, Merlin, Anne, Athologh, Axel, Barry Ginette, Casey, Cetel Lee Wilson, Sherry Rose Anderson, Christopher, Colin Burckhardt, Crowe. Daniel, Dippity, Flynn, Gareth Bradshaw, Haley, Haley, Hap of the Mox, J.D., Joy Robinson, Julie Holderman, Jury, KR, KM, Cade, Lazzania, Last Ruth on the left, Leader J, Liz, Lerly Feldman, Manderpants, Merrick's Moon, Matilda Rushing, Melinda Curley, Moon, Oakland, Quill Bennett, Regan, Ren, Scotty, Shannon Waldener, S-ray 96, Tegan, tea kettle, Tony Pepperoni, Trin, Waffle 427, Xander Morning Dove, Zach House, and Zephyrus. Thank you so much. The first creature that notices your passing is a simple alley cat. I kick it.

Jesus Christ God damn it I'm just kidding Wow he's got he's a kick you red today I'm I'm trying

There's different flavors Mrs. Doreen it's so nice to be red runs up Hacker kick it Stop doing that

I've been trying to get him to stop spraying with the water bottles