Dice Shame - 2-87 | 'Bottoms Up'

Episode Date: April 25, 2024

Imagine your best game of D&D. The shocks, the twists and turns, the moments that can’t be caught because you just had to be there. That’s Dice Shame.Join our DM Jo, her husband Harlan, their brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they experience those unmissable, gut-wrenching, heart-aching, joy-filled moments.This legendary AP releases a brand new episode every Thursday morning at 1:20 am!Content Warning: animal death, swearing, violence, claustrophobiaPart of the Rusty Quill Network Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hell, Jack! So how does this work, Doran? She's learned now, now she asks. I'll have to take you to see the cloud, Joanna. God, I love when that happens. Rebeer! No, I'm not talking about libertarianism right now. Well, enjoy yourself.

Enjoy yourself, right? Oh, yeah, I'm in. Oh, wait, there goes our advantage. So you got me an axe rack. Oh, there, there's Jack, I better go see him. Yeah, I mean, I do. You're the hero, go, go. You're not my dad, Jack, you're not my dad.

You've been a true iron fist, standing up for the rights and wrongs. Redcast silence. Just to make all this easier for Edel. Red's got real sympathy with that editor. I don't know. We're here. No, I don't know. Welcome back to Dice Shane.

This is Season 2, episode 87, bottoms up. MVP this week is Merrick's moon. Marix has just started their Dice. shame journey, and I believe they're in the early teens. They're contributing to the Discord with a live blog and already some wonderful fan art. Thank you so much for joining us, Marix. You are this week's MVP. Congratulations.

All right. Should we play some D&D? Yeah, let's do it. Woo! And they were roommates. What is that from that you keep saying? It's like it took the vine or something. Yeah, she's walking down the street

And they were roommates And then he's like And they were roommates I remember that vine Man I wish Vine was still a thing I know TikTok is too long

I only want six seconds Eat note by TikTok I just don't like any of the TikTok content It's all like No fucking dancing I don't give a shit about dancing I like dumb jokes The constraint of six seconds

Or whatever it was It requires something different than the constraint of one minute Yeah. I get TikTok the way any elder millennial does by waiting for people on Instagram to repost TikToks they like in their stories. Thank you. Exactly.

Thank you. Yeah. Exactly. I like try TikTok. It's funny because the other night I was, I couldn't sleep. So I was like, okay, I'll go on TikTok and see what it's got. And because I wanted to watch, uh, caving videos. It was just the urge that came over here.

Harlan scares himself to sleep. It's like a big. a hug by a rock. But like YouTube, obviously I can do it and then it'll be like one or two long videos. But I was like, what can TikTok offer? And I'll tell you, it was awful. I mean, like you'd get a good video and you'd scroll and then it would be unrelated, unrelated.

And then it'd be like the same video that someone reposted and it's like flipped image. Caving guy gets trapped or whatever. And you're like, oh, this is not. It's all carb heavy. Like, you know, there's no nourishment. It's just like that 10 seconds. And it's funny too. I saw the same video, like, posted three times, all with, like, different captions.

Like, one was, like, guy gets trapped. And then, like, the first one was, like, expert caver. And I was like, wait, did he get trapped or was an expert? Those are two very different narratives. Somebody got this video to the internet. So either you had a connection underground or. And then I watched the whole video on YouTube. And it's like a caver father and son that are professionals.

And they have a ton of them. And it was just like one moment where he got, like, a little stuck. And they just snipped that out. It was sensational enough. I was trying to find the one, the video that my sibling sent me that was a guy who was in like a squeeze in a cave and there was like 80 bajillion spiders and he was like, yeah, whatever.

And I was just like, oh no. And both of us just were like, I think I would just die. I think I just died. That's it. There's a limit of like so many spiders within five feet of me and suddenly I expire. They were all big and they covered every surface.

It is truly a nightmare. I feel like there's a spider threshold though, Like, to me, like, one or two is really icky. If you're covered in like a million, like a thousand, you're just kind of like, okay, this is now spiders. Like, I'm covered in now. I am now the spiders. How does so many spiders survive?

All you have to do is start eating them because then the spiders are going to realize that you're the dominant, you're the president, and they're going to leave. I see. I'm the biggest spider. There's like caves that, like, will be in the middle of the woods. And the first opening passages, all the spiders will, like, be down there. So what will happen is, like, the first little area or the crawl through to, like, the open area is all spider-heavy because that's where they're... Right.

And then at night, they come out to hunt or whatever. Yeah, and the hal at the moon. How old are you mouths? I was going to say, Alex, did you get new glasses? I did, yeah. Yeah, they look good. No, thanks. It's hard to tell because your picture is so dark.

I know. I like it dark in here. He's haunting the... When did you get them? Last week sometime. Nice. Went for an eye exam. Rob, you had a good vacation?

Oh, yeah, tell us all about your vacation. I had a really good... I'm gonna say, oh yeah, tell us all about your eye exam. Yeah, I love a good eye exam story. Sorry, Rob, pushed him out of the frame. Exactly. What eye exam? Get this cat out of the way.

Fuck you, Dominican Republic. I had a really good vacation, and then I made a fatal flaw at the Santa Domingo Airport. You bought a time share. And had lunch. Oh. And then had the most surreal 60 hours of my life as lunch and everything else left the body. Oh, no. On the way home.

You know, I had a perfect time on the way there. there, had a perfect vacation, had five lovely days in paradise. We're leaving. We're at the airport waiting. We're like, fuck, we're not going to get anything to eat until like we get home at 11 o'clock. We should have something here. So we go to the Carl Juniors and think, this has got to be fine. Rache is fine the whole time. I don't know what was on my burger, whether the lettuce or onion or something on there was contaminated or what. But five hours later, when we got to Newark, I found every bathroom on the way to go get my bag, get it through customs, get it the way back.

And then like when I got home, Rache said I was the Homer Simpson who'd just eaten the sandwich. And I was trying to like just had the last two days. I didn't get out of bed. Today is the first day. I feel like a human again. Damn you, Carl's Jr. That's my first experience of the Carl's Jr.

I'll tell you that. But I've never had food poisoning like this. I don't know what it was. There was no drug that would help. It was just off. I've only had food. poisoning once and it was in my eighth grade field trip to Quebec City. Oh no. And I remember it was like day two and it was like I don't even know what time in the morning, 2 a.m. And I remember because

I had my shoes laid out, my backpack laid out all next to the bed because we had to get up early and blah. And I woke up mid-vomit. Oh shit. I vomited all over my things. And there were three other kids in the room and my best friend Tommy. He opened his eyes, grabbed his blanket, walked to the side of the room and just laid down. Thanks, Tommy. Eighth grade boys are ill-equipped to deal with that. I mean, you're not wrong. You need a mom to take care of the situation.

I threw up in the sink. I threw up in the bathtub and I was stuck to the bowl of the toilet throwing up into the bathtub next to me. It was all night long, but the funniest part was because like the teachers were really like, you know, we're going to tape the doors. No one comes out. We'll know if anyone snuck out of the room at night and everyone get ready. And all the other kids woke up and they were getting ready and, uh, They were like, oh, do you need help?

Oh, no, okay, fine. They all left. And then the teacher came in, like, so angry, like, are you not ready to go? What the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah, it, like, stopped dead in his tracks and it was like, how did you? Oh, God. And then saw, like, the throat everywhere. And there was like, oh, God.

You threw up in your shoes, didn't you? Yeah. Warzone. I remember I was so, I was so self-conscious. Oh, you poor thing. Well, and the thing was, there was a wonderful woman who was, like, a parent volunteer that came that basically took care of. like a mother you know what I mean she was like don't worry like sleep here's water but it was

amazing she like I think I don't even think she got the hotel to clean up I think she cleaned up a lot of it which was just you know the most motherly thing and I remember I missed the whole next day which they were all like going to the water park and I was just stuck in bed oh yeah but I was so self-conscious the whole ride home because my my shoes smelt like throw up and I was so worried that people could smell them I remember just being absolutely mortified at that no one ever said anything I don't even know if anyone did smell, but it was in my head the whole time. It was a terrible, terrible trip.

Horrifying. I went to a Sanu Bear and it betrayed me. I thought you guys said, when you guys were in the Dominican or whatever, you guys had. Yeah, but I don't, that was one day. I think it was probably also day five.

But it's funny, I do remember the last thing I ate before, like being sick and it was. A dog turd. This is a lot of thing. I found out of the ground. No, but. It's so weird how I got thrown.

No, but I'm sure you'll all know the name of it. it because you're all better Canadians than me, but like the Quebequot have like a really specific crispy type of bacon. Like, it's not just bacon crispy because we went to a sugar shack where they pour the melted maple syrup and they do all the whole thing. And one of it, it was just a specific, I could see Nersal Googling. So if I'll say it now, for the record, it's a Google. If I'm not going to do it, Rob's going to do it. Well, I, no, I have no idea. This is not, this is not, this is not, this is not, this sounds like a deeply Ontario Quebec thing and I'm a prairie kid. I don't, I don't know any of this shit. I mean, I'm not sure what this is. It was just like, it was like,

deeply crispy bacon. be, yeah, because I remember being like, oh, I don't like the taste of that. Le Park de Quebec. It is funny what people tell you after you tell them, hey, here's this story of, you know, my horrible stomach experience. Like, I was talking to the guy at work today, and he was like, oh, you know, happened to me too. He closes the door to then tell me the story about him trying to do this archery thing

down in the Dominican after a big, you know, shrimp stir fry party, and then he shit himself on the walk on the beach back. I was like, I didn't need this. story sir good but thank you for telling me that you know what it's the great humanizer though it's really nice for sure like everybody's got prince or popper they're all going to be sitting on the pooper you don't what I mean at some point that prince or pooper prince or pooper I didn't want to jump that far ahead I needed to I needed the 3P alliteration mm-hmm that's fair I feel like class trips were such harrowing events like well no socially I had a hard time in school so to like prep for the idea of

with my classmates for a long period of time was always really stressful right. There's definitely a difference between the like class trips of elementary school and the like band trips or like smaller group trips of high school for me. Like the, you know, the choir trip to BAMP kicked ass because it was all the weird choir kids going to do a thing or the, you know, if we had to go to Regina to do the one act festival or something

and it was a whole thing that you were doing and it was had a real team vibe compared to the here's everybody in a van and we're going to the science center or something has a different vibe yeah i think there's more of a reward feeling when you do the thing on vacation then you're like okay now the night's free let's play yeah yeah yeah there's more dynamics at play the nervousness the relief i with you because i did a i remember doing a music jazz thing in halifax which is really cool but i will say the best version of all these is being a chaperone on those because my friend who's a teacher brought me as a chaperone when he was helping a high school class and they went to chicago oh cool joined as a chaperone and it was

just the best because the kids were also like old enough you know yeah yeah to be that age where you're just like stop you know you're not like a leader we're like worrying about the shit i'm not your dad but quit being an idiot exactly exactly it's funny actually my my brother-in-law's younger brother was on that trip oh wow you playing a band with him. What's the name of that band? What's the name of that band? Oh God.

Bringing it back, baby. But he tried to get mouthwashed because I guess I think he thought he was going to get drunk off it and I remember Oh, shit. Great. Because they were like smuggling.

He's going to get minty fresh. There's alcohol in there. Well, that was the thing, right? And I was like, no. Like, that's the thing. Don't know that. It's just making yourself feel so terrible. Wow.

Not a good way. You'll get yourself sick on a class trip. But let me tell you, that's not very fun. In fact, I got a bit of a story for you. I'm someone who's experienced it firsthand. Oh, geez. I bet you've never walked around with throw up smelling shoes.

Here, take these. I still have it. This chain I wear around my neck. We went to like the famous Chicago's deep dish pizza, Gino's Easter, whatever it was called. They're like, well, you know, no kids, you don't get your leftovers, whatever, and then turn to us like, do you guys want the leftovers? So we brought like five deep dish pizzas back to the room, which was the one, which was the worst idea first and foremost because in the morning there was like a grease stain on the on the chair

they're not going to fit in the mini fridge oh no it was just like this soggy what like they're so first off fuck deep dish pizza it's not very i i want to try it one time oh and it's definitely worth trying i've never actually tried there used to be a place in toronto and it was pretty good i don't know how authentic it was though that's the part i love it i fucking hate burnt to the ground as it should be i just went out of business like anything it's not comparatively They're two different things. I was going to say, it's fine, but it's not pizza. Just call it something else.

I freaking love it. It's amazing. So good. Called a cheese keesh. Tomato casserole lasagna with like a cornmeal crust and it's fine. And this is where like I don't think I've had an authentic E one because even the deep dish pizza that was at the place here felt pizza e enough. It didn't feel like a different animal. So it must not have been authentic enough.

Yeah, the Chicago deep dish that I had, it's like cornmeal crust like a dime thick. at all meats, because you have to eat that. And then it's always sauce on top. You have to. They make you. I was just going to say that. I have a gun to your head. It's a really homogenous, like, uh, sauce too.

You know what I mean? Like it's just red. And they always put big slices of cheese on it. It's not shredded and it's underneath the sauce. And then they put all the fucking things in there that, you know, they put like raw sausage balls and they cook it for like an hour. Like a pizza is like an hour of cooking. It's like a lasagna in a very different way.

How do you go to a restaurant? And they're like, okay, thank you for your order. It'll be an hour. So that's the thing. Well, 100% order the pizza. You don't get a slice. You can't get a slice of that shit. No, of course.

Yeah, it says, you know, before Warren, if you're ordering this, it takes 45 minutes. Fair. It says on the menu. It's like a souffle. I would go back to Chicago solely for that. It's still better than that pizza in Hamilton that it has no cheese on it to just. Oh, yeah. It's just dough and then dry sauce.

Somebody served that to me once because Rache is. from Hamilton and it was like, oh, it's the Hamilton thing, come and have this, it's pizza, and I was very confused about what it was. You mean toast? I'm so sorry, Hamilton, but I think this is bad. I also did not love it, but I was not prepared for what it was to like approach it as it as if it was a pizza. You fool. I would approach it like a flat bread. Yeah. Oh, is this with the vodka penny sauce type stuff on top, the vodka sauce? I don't get vodka sauce. I don't know. Maybe I've just never had one. I don't understand.

Sort of just like a light. Creams and tomatoes. Tomato sauce with vodka in it. I don't think there's any vodka in vodka sauce. I want to get wrecked. It's such a bull crap name

because I've honestly been like, I've been waiting for the vodka. I've been waiting to get fucked up. That might be kind of fun. How much of the sauce do I need to drink? I'm going to eat all this whole pizza. This grade eight student pounding vodka sauce. This is,

this intro is not cut. How to, I don't think it's an intro, but I don't know what it is, but we're beautiful. It's pieces. It's dynamic. I look forward to this person who's got like vodka sauce and like a rum baba and is like, I'm going to get ripped tonight. And the other guy's got mouthwash and he's like, between the two of us, we're going to get fucked up. And the mouthwash. Or there's little like orange chocolates with liqueur in them.

Oh my God. The combo alternating shots of vodka and mouthwash. Oh, fuck. Give me the mouthwash. Oh, no. I threw up all over my shoes last night. I am confident that will get you fucked up. I'm not sure it will be fun,

but it will do something to you if it hasn't already. Your mental state will be altered. Speaking of getting fucked up. Oh, God. Should we get fucked up? Let's play D&D. Oh, my God, I forgot we have to record.

We are recording right now. Take us away to the realm of magic, Joe. I will. All right. The rubble from the explosion site in the graveyard is crawling with industrious dwarves, steadily clearing away boulders and debris and repairing any damage to the nearby grave sites. The crew's gruff chatter and the noise of their work is blunted by distance, though, to Doran and Doreen, deeper in the cemetery and sitting on a low,

stone wall, just overlooking the iron fist graves engaged in conversation. Doreen is looking much better and healthier than even just a few hours prior. The dull glaze in her eyes replaced by a sparkling vigor, her wrinkled brown skin no longer sallow and hanging. She even managed to rebraid her long silver hair into her customary style. and Doran as she sits beside you on this low stone wall her hand on your knee your hand on her hand she's looking down at the grave of her husband and these place markers for your brother's bodies

she nods yes I I do think there was always something the matter with Gautier though it got worse when you were gone I think the power got to his head maybe I don't know To see someone fall so so And someone who really could have made Scarborough

Something more than what it is And she gets kind of a faraway look in her eyes You know mom I'm really not as surprise as I Once would have been to see Your youthfulness bounce back so quickly I've had a lot of experience with

magic these days, especially with my new found companions. Yes. They've certainly shown me different ways of life. If I didn't know you to be a truthful, honest dwarf, I could

barely believe half of the things you told me about cloud giants and finding things in the dirt and the sewer. adventures I'll have to take you to see the cloud giant I think

I know where we could find him but that would be an adventure something maybe when my friends and I are finished with the adventure that we're on right now you know speaking of magic and whatnot you know I

can't help but feel a little bit relieved that to know that you know Goren and Lauren, it was something magical and intentional that caused them to disappear like that into the abyss. You know, I'd been beating myself up for years over them. And it's just, well, it's, it's pretty amazing to think that, you know, someone could stoop so low. I do miss them. And he sort of looks down at their graves longingly.

it's been what 80 years yeah I never blamed you Doran I blame myself I blame myself for a lot of things listen losing my sons your brothers well it would change anyone to lose their children like that I always hoped that they would come home one day but for the door to never open it broke your father especially I don't think he really ever talked about it but I always blamed myself you know it's a mother's job

to take care of her children and I should have maybe kept a closer eye on you letting you wander the crags without supervision and it was never your fault, Doran. Well, it wasn't your fault either. I think we need to accept and move on from because, you know, I had nearly given up. I was in a completely different mindset than before I came home. You know, I thought you didn't want to see me and that things are going to be held over my head.

You know, the guilt from my, you know, my decisions at war. and I'm not going to blame myself. And I really, I couldn't be more thankful, you know, to my friends and for encouraging me to come home. And to you, obviously, for, you know, sticking with it and managing to just, you know, fight through whatever Guitier had put you through. I mean, you should be proud of yourself, Mom. And taking care of the city the way you've been. I mean, you've been a true iron fist, putting your foot down and stand. Standing up for the rights and wrongs.

The stories you've been telling me in the last couple hours. I try my best to be a community leader like you, Doran. You seem to be trying your best to be a leader amongst your friends. And for everything you've told me of the ordning and how you got here, all of the crazy tales, this chef, orc, and how you ended up in the sewers to get into our home and even that interaction with a guard on the wall. Yeah.

Listen, Doran. Not my proudest moment. She turns to you with pride in her eyes. I don't think you were chosen for this ordaining because of your leadership abilities, Doran, or your tactical, not. or certainly not

your stealth and you're a handsome boy but God, sometimes the things you say. Really seen by your mom here. Listen, I think you are so much like your father.

You try so hard to be someone you're not sometimes. But your father's strength was always measured in the times that he was able to improvise. It wasn't a measured plan. Every time he picked up a piece of metal on the forge, each hammer blow yielded a new option,

and he would tell me long into the night about the things the metal would speak to him and how the story was ever changing. during the things you tell me about your journey here it makes me think of him many of your comrades in arms the soldiers you fought alongside

have come back to Scarborough over the years I know more than you tell me about the man who you tried to be but I think if you'll take some advice from your mother before you go back out into the world

and live through this this prediction, this legacy, this path that you are on. I have some advice if you'll hear it. Oh, Mom, I'm all ears. I want you to follow. your iron fist instincts for better or for worse that's why you were chosen to be part of

this prophecy after all you don't have to change the dwarf that you are you are good enough son I I will I'll stay true I'm not I'm not gonna try and change you I am and I think, I think I've been becoming more comfortable with, with that even before you're saying it. You know, I've, I've been realizing that, hey, you know, maybe mistakes are made for a reason. And he, and he embraces his mom with very little words. I'll be back. I know, I know you will. And, and we're going to stay in touch this time.

Now, she hands you from within the folds of her cloak. a pry bar, and then she nods down at your father's sarcophagus. There's something in there that you should have. Really? Yes. I think it's time. Come help me. All right. The two of you pries open the lid of your father's sarcophagus, and you see him there, his remains, dressed in his finest arrayed around him,

all of the tools of his trade. It's a solemn moment there, the bones of your ancestors staring up at you, and your mother seems unaffected. He shivers, because there's like this wave of cool, damp air with a musty smell. It comes over him, and he thinks about it for a second that this was his father's body at one point. We'll all be bones eventually, son. And she reaches in, and clasped in your father's hands.

She withdraws a tool that is so familiar seeing it brings back a flood of memories to you, Doran. Memories of watching your father work his forge. He was a powerful, capable man, worthy of any child's admiration. And you recall him swinging this blacksmithing hammer, silhouetted by a burnt orange light, his young muscles gleaming in sweat bent at his trade he taught you your trade with this hammer made your family name with this hammer iron fist steel its handle's finish is worn to a shining polish where his hand used to rest and she gives you this hammer this is this is dad's old hammer look at it and dorin still at it with like a strange familiarity. Holding your father's hammer standing beside your elderly

mother, you are imbued with a renewed sense of confidence in your abilities. And with that, Doran, you gain the great weapon master feat. Oh, I can see Rob Googling. Oh, thank you.

I think I know what it does, but I'm not 100% sure. Tell us nerd. It's sharpshooter for weapons. Perfect. You take a negative to your attack. It's your choice when you do it. Right. But when you hit, you add 10 damage.

You were talking about wanting to deal more damage. Here you go. Oh, you're going to deal a lot more damage. Yes, thank you so much. Wow. Mother, I feel like this is going to really help me create some tools, hone my weaponry, and really just give me that edge I need in combat. Because I've been feeling like I need it.

This is one of the best gifts anybody's ever given me. Thank you so much. And he wraps his arms around his mother, nearly knocking her over. Aw. Anyway, let's get back to the city, son. We've a big old block party brewing and give you a big, dwarven welcome home. The vibe down in Scarborough is raucous. The perfect collision of occasions coalesed with the dethroning of an unpopular city official,

the return of a beloved and the... somewhat well-known citizen and the dwarven predisposition to fucking party. As the shafts of sunlight that pierced the Scarborough Cavern slant upwards and darken with the drawing night, braziers are lit with bonfires on the street corners in the neighborhood where Doran was raised. We see a giant party scene. Everyone who lives in a three-block radius seems to be in the streets. Everywhere you look, Wars are cooking something, pouring drinks from a barrel, tuning up instruments, gathering in big groups to grandstand and laugh, and everywhere someone is coming around to clap Doren on the

back and offer him a word or two of welcome or shared memory or gratitude for Gautier's removal. Held ya! Held ya! Buddy! Red runs up to Doren as he comes back and with Doreen. Where have you been? It's been kicking off here. It's like a city block. The whole street is alive. Look, that guy's cooking dragon, I think. Yeah, it really seems like it. Oh, my gosh. It deletes it, Doran.

So smoky. Well, enjoy yourself. Enjoy yourself, Red. Red cast silence. Just to make all this easier, Fred. Oh, I'm sorry. Red's got real sympathy with that editor. I don't know.

I'm taking people a face. I got to cast that so much more. Spam silence We wake up first thing in the morning Redd I cast silence On a podcast It's like empty podcast It's like narrate

It's so good Red runs over to Jack And Mareen throws a hand over each Feels good to help a city We didn't even try to You know We thought Gautier was a good guy at first And it turns out he was a jack

And God I love when that happens It's always bad When the opposite is the case Wait what have you done this the Doesn't matter. More dragon! Mari's a few drinks in at this point, and she's been doing party tricks where, like, she uses shape water to, like, funnel beer to people's glasses and those so they can, like,

siphon it out of the air. Oh, no. Oh, that'd be cool. Yeah, basically creating, like, an invisible funnel for people to drink their beer out of. The Tunazi beer bong is like a magical kegstand. That's fine. Yeah, so she's just been doing that. She's been having a blast because, yeah.

Whether they like it or not. Yeah. A few people have not been thrilled with it And that's where Jack has to come pull her back You got to warn people about that She's learned now, now she asks Well, good You don't party like us though

I'm worried good I mean Jack is Hanging out with Mari Trying to keep her out of trouble But not having too much Too much to drink He's sort of just He's you know

Being his party wallflower self He's just like You're not my dad Jack You're not my dad You can't tell me what to do I'm not telling you to stop. I'm just saying. Whatever, I'm going to go party with these guys.

They seem fun. Tomorrow you's going to have some thoughts about this. I will, and I will regret everything. But until then, I'm living my best life. Good. Don't let me stand in your way. Yeah, Mari, the bartender from Gorgon's Tavern is there with a group of people that you sort of wander up next to, and he throws his arm over you, and he's like, the bar is saved.

I don't have to repay any more of those damn taxes. Oh, way to say. second. Does the city not have taxes anymore because we arrested one of three politicians? A municipal taxes. Taxis to hell with him. But like walks up to the other side. I have questions to ask upon your system if it takes only one guy to end all taxes within here. Do you mean like bribes? Are you bribes? Are you bribes? Was he asking? I'm not sure whether he understands what's happening less or we do. You don't need to pay anymore? Free beer. Well, I mean, he was really, he was a bad guy.

Listen, let's not worry too much about it. No, no, I'm not talking about libertarianism right now. After another beer. All I'm saying is I should only pay for the services that I'm going to be using. Oh, no. All right, buddy. Okay. My first thought was when he put his arm over Mari, he's like, like, half her height.

He's got one really long arm, so don't worry. It's really, that's why he became a bartender so that he can sling beers. The old long-arm bartender. Excellent. But you don't have to pay taxes because he was, is taken out? Isn't someone going to take over his role? How does that work? Well, Gautier was, I don't want to say out and outright that he was doing some shady dealings, but it's been...

Oh, were his man-at-arms like shaking you down? Was he taking someone from the coffer, as they say? Yes. And some people are thinking that he was stealing from the city as well, so... Oh, so it all kind of balances out. You know, you never know what one-hand is. doing with the other hand red's like looking behind him like just like softly touching the back of his pouch to see there's any money in it he's like yeah yeah you never

know and you got to make sure you're always watching around let me get your drink bartender your own bar and red runs over to a keg that like a dwarf is like on the stoop of a house like pouring you know he's like tipping it and pouring beers like it's like strong he grabs a mug and hands another to marie and hands another to this guy bottoms up dorin this familiar face emerges from the crowd. This is a female dwarf named Grublen Dimax, who's always had a thing for you. And she's like, Doran, Doran Iron Fist, you're back. Oh, hello, Grooblin. It's so nice to see you in the city. I'm not going to be in town for too long. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Oh, tragic. No, your mother always has the nicest things to say about you, and you've been off on these wild adventures.

Yeah, well, we're going to be back on an adventure soon enough, you know, so don't, don't get your hopes up. Sorry, I can't stick around. So where are you staying tonight? I got you a gun rack. I've got... So you've got me an axe rack. But he does have an axe is the problem. It's got to be like a bolt, it's got to be a bow rack or something. I got you a quiver. Brett, I'll take it. Red's like mine. Tonight, um, tonight, uh, we have accommodations already lined up.

Sorry. I won't hear of it. Well, you have to come and stick with us. And he, like, walks up. He's like, oh! And he like pushes Doran aside. And Red is not the kind of person to be saving Doran, but still recognizing the scene. And instead chooses to be more annoying than the woman to the woman.

And he's like, you said you have a place to stay. They don't worry, I'm here for you. And I don't have shoes and nothing, so I don't need to leave nothing by the front door. It's a little muddy, but he, like, turns the woman and, like, starts walking away. Oh, no. And as he walks away, he, like, winks over his shoulder to Doren. He's like, so tell me all about Dwarven customs.

By Grubland. Meanwhile, Doran's looking at his tankard again. He's like, oh, yeah, I'm out of ale. I need to go find ale. And he's looking around in every possible direction. Yeah, Mari stole it. There's a keg over here, Dorian, don't it. And floated away.

there's Jack I better go see him At that moment trumpet sounds a dwarven trumpet And a pie eating contest is announced These tables are rolled out from who knows where And these huge steaming pastries are laid out In front of chairs And people are being coerced

Into sitting down in front of these pies So is that eel pie Doran? Is that where you're headed? I don't know but he kind of looks scaredly back at grublin who's like clawing to get past red like looking over her shoulder and doran's like uh I don't know but I'm I think I've got to get in that competition right now

you're the hero go go someone's trying to sit down and you like fucking move out of the way musical chair style I do love the idea that like red sits down next to you and grubla's just gone and you're like where's and don't don't worry about it reds wipes his hands with blood. We're just like something ominous.

She won't be bothering you again. I've taken care of it. She won't be anywhere again. She's in the pies. That was fast. Red is efficient. I use my feline speed to do. Doran, you sit down.

Anyone else want to be part of this pie eating competition? Yeah, I mean, I do. I feel like, I don't know how I would get out of this chick, but I would just introduce it to. I'd create a minor illusion over the face of a statue that looks like Doran. You know what, I love the idea of Doren going to, like, try and get in this pie, and Jack's kind of following him along, and then Dwarves sweep up around him. We're like, oh, you two, you're friends of his, get up at this table.

Jack is just, like, sweating already. From the crouchy. No, no, no, stay. So how does this work, Doren? I'll pie with you. Excellent. Red sits down hard next to Doren and Jack. We'll make it a team competition.

And Doreen kind of points. He gets the attention of. of like the, the pie commissioner. The pie commissioner, thank you. The pie commissioner. Listen, chief of pies is an important role in Scarborough. He kind of waves on him. He says, commissioner, commissioner, oh, we also need her.

And Doran points across the room at Mary. No. It's Maori, Doran. That Mari, who's attempting to siphon alcohol out of people's drink. And doing little party tricks with water. Yes, the commissioner of pies does an exaggerated bow towards you. you, Doran, one further pie is added to the tables. And then Mari, you are like crowd surfed up to this table. The four of you sit side by side. It goes Jack with the mycoded on his shoulder,

then Doran, then Red, then Mari. And the four of you sit looking down at your pies. Thank you to our wonderful patrons, Adam Frye, Afflicted Adina, Aizu Yuckeye, Alison Wrights, Merlin, Anne, Atholagov, Axel, Barry Ginette, Casey, Cetel Lee Wilson, Sherry Rose Anderson, Christopher, Colin Burckhart, Crow, Daniel, Dippedy, Flynn, Gareth Bradshaw, Haley, Haley, Hap of the Mox, J.D., Joy Robinson, Julie Holderman, jury, K-R, K-M, Kade, Lazzania, Last Ruth on the left, Leader J, Liz, Lorelei Feldman, Manderpants, Merrick's Moon, Matilda Rushing, Melinda Curley, Moon, Oakland, Quill Bennett, Regan, Ren, Scotty, Shannon Waldner, S-ray 96, Tegan, tea kettle, Tony Pepperoni, Trin, Waffle 427,

Xander Morning Dove, Zach House, and Zephyrus. Thank you so much. This is pretty strange, but not the first time I've dug up a corpse, I don't think. Yeah. No, we have. haven't we? Oh, yeah. Are you kidding?

Yeah. We're real grave robbers 90% of the time in this show. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's okay that I turned down grublin, right? Oh, God, absolutely. I was anticipating that. I didn't figure you had more to that scene, so I skipped her way. Thank you.

I appreciate it. I was like, I can see you're diving in here with no out. I'll just make it out. I'm very much like Alex, actually, in that respect. No, that's not fair. Don't say that about yourself. You know,