Dice Shame - 2-92 | 'Fight Your Way Out'

Episode Date: May 30, 2024

Imagine your best game of D&D. The shocks, the twists and turns, the moments that can’t be caught because you just had to be there. That’s Dice Shame.Join our DM Jo, her husband Harlan, their brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they experience those unmissable, gut-wrenching, heart-aching, joy-filled moments.This legendary AP releases a brand new episode every Thursday morning at 1:20 am!Content Warning: animal death, swearing, violence, claustrophobiaPart of the Rusty Quill Network Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Clarion murdered lots of people I know that's what I thought but she is lit up and glittering get outside get out of here wait are you about to do a really big move there's like 400 cobalts coming for you he's still not top of his game ugh ah fuck I kill red crawls the top of the house rips his head off one little bit of baby talking he's gone and I'm gonna repose yeah this is the Alex Guthrie that we need here yeah this is gonna be um an attack on you Did I just rule? Great question.

Is this the Alex weekend? There was hope. There was hope for a minute. Welcome back to Dice Shame. This is season two, episode 92. Fight your way out. MVP this week is Marvin Tan. Enter, that crazy, fun little guy from our Discord.

If you don't know, Marvin, you need to join our Discord. He's got a six-fingered glove and a lot of pictures of pretty flowers. Congrats, Marvin. You're this week's MVP. Thanks, Marvin. All right. Should we play some D&D? Yeah, let's do it.

Woo! What was that face? I was just watching. My hands are really damp from the... just took a shower and they're just really wet and clap my hands you hurt your hands

that's uh no you ever but like clap listen clapping your hands like a dry hand clap a dry hand clap is like very a dry hand clap is like you know crisp but like

your hands are wet the wetest of hand claps everything's softer what's the sound of one wet hand clapping I think it was just that I was looking right at your face on my screen, Harlan, that whole time. And so I just saw the whole thing happen on your face. That's why I was like, fuck off.

Shut up, Rob. It reminds us that conversation we're having about how Dungeons and Dragons things, like, we're like, oh, going to battle. I'll just patch that up. Like, we don't think about pain. And meanwhile, like, real life, we clap. Ow, I clapped too hard. My hands were a little wet. And I clapped and it hurt.

That's good. That's clammy. They're like really clammy. You've always had clammy hands. Coming in a game, but then B-grade hands. Just like, oh, they're so clammy today. I think you already shared the story on the podcast about how you cut yourself on a Lego brick and it gave you a big scar. Did I?

I can't remember, but yeah, I still have a scar from when I cut myself on Lego. What hell? Wait, which brick was it? It was just like a six by six, a chunky boy. So you can see it. It's like pale right there. Lego brick scar. I have a scar on my hand that is from when I was a kid and we were playing with sticks

and we, you know, we're sword fighting or hitting each other, something that's a scar in my hand. But then in my infinite wisdom, I was like, oh, no, we got told we can't play with sticks and hit each other. I better come up with something really smart to tell mom and dad. So I came up with, I got bit by a dog. No. No. And then there was a whole bunch of like, well, what dog was it? Is the dog got all it shut? Like, it just became a whole thing. And I had to like break down And I meant, no, I was just playing with sticks. I didn't want to get in trouble.

So fucking funny. Do you think your parents knew? Oh, my God. I don't, I think it didn't take very long for them to ask all of the, my kid just got bit by a dog questions. And my story fell apart immediately. It was a big wooden dog. Have you seen I think you should leave with Tim Robinson? It's like a sketch comedy show on Netflix.

It reminds me exactly of that sketch where they show up to the party late. And he's like, I need to think of something. He's like, just to say him we had car troubles. And he goes up to me, he's like, oh, we hit somebody. And, like, every question is like, who did you hit? He's like, just nobody. It doesn't matter. Don't worry about it.

You're like, no, no, no, but like, who? He's like, the police came. They said they don't matter. They're like, they don't matter. And the guy, like, keeps escalating it. God. Yeah, no, but like, I think I'm just at the age now where like anything, whether it be Lego or whatever, just scars.

Clapping hurts. Yeah. Well, the clap, admittedly was like, I clapped on the wrong part of my hand. I don't really know how. I mean, I hate a bad clap. I absolutely. Sometimes the softness, it didn't help with the bad clap. It wasn't a good connection.

I've been moisturized right before getting on the show. My hands are too soft for clapping. I don't moisturize ever. I love how Harlan associated this with an age. I'm at that age now where I just scar really easily. Like, is that an age thing? You know how when you become elderly, your skin gets paper thin. It does.

When you're elderly, your skin is paper. A 35-year-old elderly person. I just mean to say, like, I've cut myself a hundred times, and then for some reason, I cut myself on a piece of Lego, and I guess just post, you know, like 35, you just start scarring. It's like your body was like, this will be a good story. Let's leave a mark. It wasn't. My body lied. I think scars have a lot to do with how they heal.

What? I'm not a scientist or a doctor, but I think scars... What? Oh, my God. You've been giving all this medical advice, though. I know. My rash. It's easy to confuse me with a doctor or...

a medic or somebody. It's the glasses. But I do have a feeling that scars depend on how you treat a wound. Yeah. I just rubbed dirt into mine. Is that why it didn't heal properly?

I mean, there's something to the character of a wound from a Lego brick that's not going to be like a nice slice that's going to want to heal back. The Swedes are devious. This is why we're a megablock family now. Only Duplo in this house. I was looking at that,

that D&D Lego set. I'm like, oh, this is cool. That'd be a great gift I could get it to my nephews or something. And then it's $600. And I was like, oh, no. Yeah, Lego's, well, Lego is always expensive. Yeah, but 600 bucks. I just, I wasn't, I'd never, I hadn't looked at Lego in a long time.

And the sticker shock really got me. I was like, oh, yeah, an expensive Lego set for when I was a kid, $100? What could a Lego cost? How much could a Lego set cost, Rob, $10? Yeah, I mean, the other thing is, I, I was looking at, because I love Lego and I was looking at that set and I didn't look too much because it could be something I want to go and blind with. But apparently there's something in the box that allows you to use it as part of D&D terrain as well. They wrote a D&D adventure. Well, don't tell me. Yeah, there's something that's like

makes it more useful than just the sticker price, which is admittedly high and all Lego is expensive anyway. But I think that's pretty neat to have like a secondary use for it as well. Oh, it's a, it's an idea that I can't believe hasn't happened earlier. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Release a Lego set and then write an adventure that uses every piece in that Lego set as a miniature. I mean, as expert Warhammer builder players now, what we can say is a hobby that you get to build, then paint, then play is definitely something that appeals to this side of the table. Nearly everybody. I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't be into this, Harlot of last week.

The thing about the Dungeons and Dragons Lego set that really kind of bugged me, though, is that it's just so, clearly based off of the movie. And it's if they had gone about it a different way and it was more like Dungeons and Dragons like white labeled where you could just, it didn't say create this character. You had like a bunch of legs, a bunch of bodies,

a bunch of different heads. Maybe the one I was looking at was different because like this one had mind flares and other things that weren't in the movie. Oh maybe I'm wrong then. But even if it was, who cares? All Legos are like Harry Potter. Well, I care.

Or Star Wars. And I take issue with that too. Because when we were kids, it was like, Pirates. Pirates. Castle. On knights and castles. Robin Hood-esque set.

I mean, these were based off of, like, stories or, like, literature or, like... As opposed to a movie. Not just a movie, but brands. Well... Harry Potter. But your son loves Star Wars. Yeah, sure. So do I.

But Lego doesn't do the non-branded stuff anymore, really. Put it this way. Anything that's not Star Wars is just Lego brand. So it's still a brand. Just like, pirate brand Lego is very distinct in its own right. I guess to be fair, they do movie branded Lego and then Lego brand in movies. That's true. I don't know.

To me, it's such a silly thing to get upset about it. It's like, whatever. If a kid likes it. Oh, I'm not upset. When it comes to D&D, I, I, you're gripping your mic so tightly that your fingers are strangling. Listen to me. I'm just trying on.

Your anger portrays you. There's cartoon steam coming out of your ears. Oh, no. I just want digging. because I was like, there was a Lego set. I loved Lego when I was a kid, but I had a couple of sets that were like clearly in that, like, Lego for girls kind of thing.

And there was this set that had figures. They weren't like mini figs. They were like articulated dolls. And I was like, what are these? And it had a name. It was called Lego Belleville. And I had a couple of these. And they were like, yeah, they were like fully articulate like doll figures.

You could have them sit at a little vanity. There was like a whole. horse one. There was a dog one. They're clearly not talking about Belleville, Ontario. They still have that. It's just they've changed it. It's called Lego Friends now. And they're a little different, but they're still articulated like differently. I do love the Belleville logos and it's like such a beautiful 90s like gradient font. It's very yeah, it's got that like vapor wave kind of. Yeah, yes, yes. Very Malibu. So nostalgic. It's almost like the Lego Technic guys. Yeah, that still exists. I know, but I'm saying is more

like the technic guy rather than the technique was like abstract like you couldn't even tell what they were half the fucking they had like a mask and then their bones were all just like oh the bionicles yeah that's the one I'm thinking of that was bionicles yeah yeah I don't know you're probably right too technical we were flying out to Scotland last year

I was we were at the airport waiting around and I went to go get like a bottle of water and Andy went give me a surprise and I was like what do you want and he's like surprise me and I'm like that's a terrible idea like never give me a prompt and I went and I was going to get there's a cake vending machine and I was going to go to that.

But then I noticed the Lego store was next to it. And I came back with a Lego car for him. And he was like, this is very nice. But I now have to bring this to Scotland with me. That'd be awesome. I would love Lego on a flight. Just opening it. I would prefer the cake from the vending machine personally.

Flying is the way to go to Scotland from Canada. Because if you take a boat, you're going to be weeks. Rob, are you going to be Lego or cake? I like that. Lego. But I was thinking about the cake. Because every time we're in Pearson or whatever, we stop at the cake vending machine and look at it. And then they're like, oh, yeah, these cakes are baked in New York and flown here.

Yeah. They're good, though. Have you had that? Mm-hmm. Oh, they're so fucking good. I've never had them. Oh, my God. I've looked at them.

Oh, they're so good. Yeah, we've never pulled the trigger, but live a little, you cowards. You're what they're buying Lego. Go get a cake. Now that we know they're good. Buy Lego and cake. Jesus Christ. You're going to die soon.

What the fuck are you doing? Fuck it. It's an airport. It's miserable. Just try and be happy for a minute, whatever you need. Fucking even if it's not the airport, by cake. I just kept picturing Andy on the flight because it was an overnight. I just kept picturing, like, the flight is dark and quiet and, like, everyone's dozing off.

And then you see Andy's hand, like, shoot up and turn the little light on. And he's, like, fussing with Lego. Just a spray of Lego bricks across the... I was going to say, you drop one and you're fucked. Yeah, that would have it in, like, a little tray. Excuse me, ma'am. So that the top hat was, like, a little tray. You'd have to, or else it's going to be chaos.

Your Lego in the upright and locked position. I like building my Lego in a very particular way, the same way I like doing anything, including D&D, which is to have a little dice tray. Shall we roll some dice? Let's roll some dice and kill some baddies. I've got all my dice ready, and I've got a jar ready to shame them in.

I'm so proud of you. Whoa. Hey, I have my little leather thing that my friend spilled wine into. Don't let people drink and roll your dice. All right, let's do it. Woo! The five of you stand in a snowy cliffside inn before what you've just confirmed to be a trio of dragon cultists.

After a back and forth to draw out the truth, you've sprung into action to take down another group of these dangerous foes. All right, everyone rolled for initiative. Rob, what did you get? Jack's got 10. Alex? It's going to be a 19. Harley? 21.

Nicely done. Alex, uh, 14. Okay. Okay, we've got numbers going. All right. Red, lead us off. Red smiles. It says, that's what I thought.

And he snaps his fingers. As a bonus action, I'm going to magically become invisible until the start of my next turn. I am going to pull back to the far side of the room, climb upon a table for my movement, and I am going to attack. Red fire. at the leader. 25 to hit. Hmm. Yes.

What is that? I don't know. Just felt right in the moment. Big numbers are good. 22 damage for the first hit. Excellent. And red will fire again. Exactly the same.

25 to hit. Yes. And I'm going to use my Colossus slayer. 33 damage. Yeah. I mean, the person who she was just speaking with bamfed from existence and then two arrows from nowhere just absolutely plug her chest and she takes a desperate step back as blood begins to leak out all over the floor. Doran,

it's your turn. Doran charges stepping from the chair under the table and leaping to attack. He's got the high ground. Everyone has the high ground compared to Doran. Awesome. And that's going to be 20 doing 17 points of damage. Excellent. And then using his, I forget the name of the feet already, the Great Wet Master Feet. Great Wet Master Feet. The Great Wet Master Feet.

That's Mari. Great Wet Master Feet. A 16 to hit. Yeah, you hit. Oh, perfect. So that's going to be another 27 days. Yeah. There you go, Dorota.

Absolutely. Those big numbers we like. You guys see my axe. come down into this guy's chest in way stronger of fashion than you have seen in the past. Clarion murdered. Lots of people I know. So Doran, Crudica takes these two juicy hits from Ork Splitter, and then this man throws his head back and exhales this cold air all over you. You have to make a dexterity saving throw. Oh. He exclaims in this weird. in a borat impression my axe that's going to be an 11 no that fails 12 cold damage

oh wow next up we have the cultists dracua moves towards you jack and extends her hands towards you and this thin sheet of ice extends from her fingers. Ah! Make a dexterity savings. Yeah, sure. How do you like a 13? No, you fail. Oh.

So you take 17 cold damage. Jack is fire's friend and is resistant to cold damage thanks to the opal of the ill run, which glows bright in his pocket and melts some of the frost coming. Unfortunately, Jack, thanks to this dragon cultist's draconic magic, when the cultist deals damage with its spells, it can ignore resistance and treat immunity as resistance. No, thank you. Yes.

Additionally, creatures cannot benefit from advantage on saving throws against its spell effects. Interesting. Yes. So you take that full, what was it, 19 damage? Oh, 17. Don't push it. What was that? 23 damage?

Just 45? Wasn't it? I thought. Next cultist, we have Caramona up at the plate. Caramona. Caramona goes through her pouch really quickly and shoves something into her mouth and swallows it and then spuse this molten ice all over you, Dorn. Make a dexterity saving throw.

For fuck's sake. Um, that's going to be a three. No, unfortunately that doesn't save. You don't say? Yeah, no. You take, ooh, I'm rolling rocks tonight, boys. I'm switching dice. This dice going into jail.

Shame it. Shame it. Shame it. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame.

Shame. Shame. It's going in. You take 12 points of cold damage, Doran. Oh. Doran's shivering uncontrollably. I'm sure you are. And strangely, the final cultist, Crudica, having been stabbed and chopped a bunch by Doran,

does not retaliate in a way that is expected. Instead, from around his neck, he pulls a silver whistle and blows it. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. The sound is inaudible to your ears, but you begin to hear a lot of sounds. from the basement. Mari, it's your turn. Mari locks eyes with Drakwa,

and she feels the power of the star is starting to move through her hand and a beam of light forms, and she rears back and she casts it right at Drakua's face. 25 to hit? Yes. So it hits her just eight points of damage. It's not her best shot.

But advantage to hit next shot, right? Yeah. But she is lit up and glittering, like a night. sky. Excellent. She takes this blast straight in the chest and again, stumbles backward, bleeding. And after she does that, she, she's holding her walking stick and she gives it a quick spin and blue light sort of ripples through it. So I'm going to cast chalely on it in case anyone comes near me. Sick. You may find that spell to your advantage as you begin to hear other sounds, not from underneath you, but from all around you outside.

Guys, there's a lot happening out there. Jack, it's your turn. Jack stumbles back. There's a little bit of fear in his eyes, not sure if he can trust himself again in this sort of moment. And there's that whistling sound from Crudica sort of filling the space. And Jack can feel in the Starflower staff, you know, a little bit of resonance with it.

And the spell starts to cast almost by itself. This line of blue tear in reality opens up, and from it a beast appears. Their head sporting antlers, their mouthful of boar tusks and saber teeth, bare paws with alligator claws, stepped down on clouds that lift and support Kieran's long, serpentine body covered in a mix of golden fur and shimmering dragon scales. I've found you. And suddenly Jack has a guard dragon in front of him. ready to help.

So Kieran takes their turn immediately after me, acting on the same initiative. Great. And they get to make two rend attacks and use their breath weapon. What is this new Kieran? I'm so excited. Yeah. Well, he is my draconic spirit here to save me.

Of course he is. We've been lost and separated for so long, and now he's found me. So they are going to attack. Yeah, they reach out with their claws and rend and tear for a 21 and a 16 to hit? Both do, yes.

13 and 14 piercing damage. And with that, the first cultist has been rent from her life. Her body falls to pieces to the floor. I guess you could say it's now rent-free. Can you insert some crickets there, Harlan? I always do. I take the laughing out. Excellent.

Yeah, I mean, Kieran picks her up and shakes her like a rag doll and she falls to pieces on the floor. Yeah, and then sliding on clouds through the room, they fly to sort of line themselves up with the two remaining cultists and exhale a breath of destructive flames. And the other two, if they could make me a 17 dexterity saving throw. Mm-hmm. And if they fail, they take nine, fire damage each. Ooh, I exactly save with Karimona And I do better than that 21 with Krutica

Well half as much then Four damage each then Hard damage each This fire laces its way Across the table And ignites their clothes and their flesh Love it Excellent

Good turn Did you want to move or are you good If it's gonna make a difference On Red's turn Well Red's gonna run inside I don't think this is a good environment to fight in and outside, especially if there are 20 to 30 things coming up. If those cobalds have rocks to throw at us, 30 of them could target you versus how many

can look in a window to target you. Yeah, why would we get outside? I definitely need more space. Oh, you do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel you. You want that 620 feet range. Not only that, 20 cobalds in this will make it impossible to move. We'll be stuck in here and die. 100%. Because you can't move through enemy squares. Get outside, everyone. More space. We need more space. Hearing red shout to get outside, Jack makes a dash for the door. Well, it's the cobalds turn, so let's find out what happens. Speak of the devils.

Oh, they're here, little guys. Aw, cute. As they file in. Just a shit ton of cobalds begin to pour out from a trap door behind the bar. I'm in trouble. I'm still moving minis. They climb up through this hole, screaming. they are this dark lead color like dirty silver

and they're clad in rags and holding cimitars, all of them looking bloodthirsty, strangely bloodthirsty. In fact, some of them have blood on their faces, on their hands, on their weapons. Who knows what they were doing downstairs? Welcome to the party. 400 cobalds. Oh, my God.

Cobalds. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Don't worry, that's not all of them. Why, Joe. Only 20 at a time, eh? Okay. Cobolds begin to pour out of the basement, emptying up into the tavern, looking like they're ready to kill. They are cobalt.

Very different. It's bad news for you guys. I'm just going to say. Not looking forward to it. We do have one other person's turn. Alistair! Help us, Alistair. Elister

You save us Elister Has been standing In the back of the bar By the fire Watching all of this unfold His chest rising And falling faster and faster

As who knows What kinds of memories Flash before his eyes The last moments of his life Something that was taken For him forever From these people And with a groan

his armor begins to accommodate a larger body. He gets bigger and bigger as he becomes furious. He's looming now over Krutica, who has got Doran on the other side of him. Crudica who's blowing furiously on this dog whistle calling these cobalds. And Elister reaches down and grabs the whistle and snaps the chain that it's attached to and throws it into the fire behind him. And then he raises his war pick

and brings it down on Crudica's head. His war pick gets bigger with him, right? It does. Yes, he has an enlarged war pick. That's a critical hit. Oh, Elster, getting in there. I rolled the natural 20. I love it when that happens

where it's like the story moment and the dice come together. And Elister brings his war pick down on this cultist, stabbing him, eviscerating him, pinning him to the chair and viciously rakes it through his flesh. You can see bloodlust glowing in his eyes as he takes glee on enacting this terrible revenge. Top of the round. Red, a bunch of cobalds have just poured out of the basement

towards you. gibbering, screaming, jabbering, and whatnot, brandishing weapons. Red does exactly what he yelled to Jack, and Red is going to disengage as an action. And I'm going to die through the window to get outside in less movement than it would take to run all the way to the door, because shit's getting real. Did you want to make a really quick acrobatics check for me, please? Absolutely. Natural 20!

Deftly maneuver and muscle for rank. What does it look like when you deftly. jump through this glass. Red runs full speed towards the glass window and makes a point as he jumps forward and smashes the glass so deftly that he does not take a single scratch

and barrel rolls out into the front lawn of this place. What a badass. jumps up standing in the snow. Pictureing slow-mo, like glass shimmering as it catches the light as it falls through the air in shards. Red lands on the snow-covered front lawn and he stands up. I still have more of my movement. see anything outside? Yeah, you do, Red. Yeah, you do. Just to your right and to your left,

red, there are two large creatures. Their skin is glistening a gunmetal gray, and they stand there stupidly with hate in their eyes, they menace you with these huge claws and one takes a step towards you. Oh, fuck! We got trolls outside! Get out here! And I'm going to spend the rest of my movement to climb up the house and get to the roof.

Excellent. Great thinking. Climbing the outside of a house is kind of trivial for a character like you with a climb speed and lovely kitty cat claws. So you are atop this building. And now with your vantage, you see toward the east, there is actually a third troll approaching.

Oh, my God. Oh, man. Three trolls outside. Just trolling us. Oh, really. Boo. God, you could say that again. And red tries to crouch and really hopes his friends get out of that place.

Mm-hmm. Doren, it's your turn. Doren turns to crudica, raises his axe, and comes down with a swift attack, attempting to vanquish this guy with a 17 to hit. Yes. Doing eight points of damage, and Doren's going to take a second swing. That's going to be a 14 to hit. No, that misses.

So Doren misses the second hit, curses under his breath, and a little panicky, he kind of looks around. Get outside. Should I go outside? Like, I don't think it's... There's like 400 cobalts coming for you. Listen, mechanically, you won't be able to move once they surround you. I understand. Think of it like an ocean. This is akin to you falling overboard. You got to get out. We can light the fucking place on fire if we need to. The real question I've been pondering, how are we going to save this poor bar keep? Oh, he's toast. I have been looking at spell options and literally none of them have included the bar. You didn't take save bar.

The bar keep had lots of opportunity to leave. There's a lot of great options that don't involve that guy surviving. Yeah. I'm sorry, barkeep. Doran sees out of the corner as I read, leaping through a window, and he's also going to leave, and he jets for the door. Cool. Doran, as you try to duck out of the way, Kiramona lashes out with her scimitar at you as you try to escape, and that's a 14 to hit. That is a miss.

Nice. And Crudica will not have an opportunity because of my mobile feat. Nice, okay. Doran steps outside. Doran, Doran, I'm up here on the roof. Whippoorwill, whippoorwill, look up here, look at here. There are three trolls coming. Two to either side of you and one from the other side.

Get ready. And Doran, you see these huge hulking beasts approaching the inn. Meanwhile, inside the cultists act. Karamona is going to move away from Elister and from Kieran. Alistair is going to take a swipe with the war pick being enlarged as he is. That is 23 to hit and it does.

Way to go, Elister. Way to go, Alistair. And is he bust the skull of Crudicum? He's going to try. She bust that skull. That's 11 piercing damage as she fails to duck out of the way. Is she concentrating on that? breath thing?

She is concentrating, yes. Come on, Elister, break that concentration. Okay, yeah, that's fine. 23 on the concentration save. Sure, if you want to go with Highrolls being better. Caramona unhinges her jaw and lets loose a vomit of magical energy. Ew.

Jack and Mari, you are both within the cone of this breath weapon as cold just spews all over you. So please, dexterity throws from each of you. 22. 22 saves. 17. Also saves. Hot damn. Way to go.

Jack, one of the cobalds that is in front of you just shatters to ice and falls apart dead on the floor. Whoa, buddy. We've seen this before. Mm-hmm. And this is the fancy type of cold damage that doesn't care that you're resistant, right? Correct. Stealing damage with its spell, so it's ignoring your resistance. and treating immunity as resistance.

So, because each of you saved, you will take five cold damage each. Burr. Jack manages to keep those magic pulsing tendrils that are keeping giant Dragon Kieran here flowing. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Crudica then raises his hands towards you, Jack and Mari. Hard pass.

And catches you up in a burst of cold energy that Eminem. from him. Is this one a spell? It is. I want to counterspell it. Please, yes. Jack stands, he's got Mari kind of behind him, he puts his staff in the ground,

and as it sort of plants there, this branching, magical tree almost flows out in front of us and gobbles up like sunlight, the energy that Krutica would otherwise pour into their spell. Amazing, yeah. Krutica just like stares at his hands and then looks up, But you know, no! No!

Not today, Krutica. Mari, it's your turn. Mari sees all this going down. She sees the 8 billion cobald. She sees the dragon cultists, and she just goes, Jack, I think you got to leave. You got to run as well. Yeah, we're getting out of here. She runs out the window that red's already broken.

Because it's closer. Cannonball. Failure acrobatics and cut yourself terribly. Ow, ow, ow. Complete a note. Oh, no. What a way to go. Did you disengage from Jack?

Because Jack can dig an attack of opportunity against you. Oh, my God. Could you imagine? I used my reaction to counterspell. So I don't, I can't. Oh, that's true. Bummer. All right.

Jack, I swear to God, if you did that. Just trip. Murray, you cannibal through the window and you land in the snow outside beside two trolls. Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Mm, trolls. What was that saying go out of the fire into the furnace, out of the, furnace. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. Out of the furnace, into the bigger furnace.

That's right. We've got two furnaces. And then, from there, the crucible. All right, Mari, what do you do? She lands out there and sees the trolls and sees Doran standing there. And the panic starts to set in and she takes a moment and tries to clear her head. And this form of stars starts to form across her body and into, a quiver of arrows and a bow in her hand. And she's transformed into the archer form of the starry form.

Wowhoo! Amazing. And I'm going to aim at the one that is just south of her. Does a 19 hit? It does. Nice. 13 points of damage. Excellent.

Your starry arrow slices through the cold sky and just pins this monster's shoulder. and it roars terribly at you, Mari. Oh, no. Roar. That was such a terrible roar. All right. It's the creature's turns.

In response, Mari, the troll charges at you. He's going to make a couple of attacks. Can I use woe on that? Yeah, you can, absolutely. Whoa. I'm going to roll a D6 and you subtract a number from that. Excellent. three all right so it's only a 23 to hit you oh only a 23 to hit me this didn't fucking matter anyways

yeah take a big old chunk of it was still worth trying now I understand why it's called whoa I mean look at this way plus three to your AC is legendary armor it's a it's a big deal it just wasn't enough it is a big deal oh that's only five piercing damage that's not so bad however wait you've been bitten so make a constitution saving throw please if you don't get healed soon you're gonna turn into an ogre it's a troll a troll a troll ogre troger troger croger 23 nice cool you're you're fine for now for now having been bitten now the troll now tries to uh eviscerate you with its sharp sharp claws for now yep that's a 22 to hit oof 16 slashing damage

And another claw What? 17 to hit Uh, yep 8 slashing damage How are you looking? What's your HP at there? Rennar Sol?

Dude, I'm holding up, but it definitely did a number. She's beefy. She's got lots of it. Doren, the second troll charges at you and is going to bite you. Oh, really?

Let's see about that. Only a 15 to hit. That's a miss. And two claw attacks. Fuck. That's 12. Where was this guy when I needed him? Climsy troll.

How did I get sharp troll? Yeah, the troll that ran at Doran's got like a wonky eye. Oh, the depth perception's all off. I'd stroke troll. This is the troll I would be with my lack of depth perception. Because you missed me with a melee attack. I'm going to use my combat superiority die and I'm going to repost. This is the Alex Guthrie that we need here.

Yeah. This is going to be an attack on you. What fuck did I just rule? Great question. Is this the Alex weekend? There was hope. There was hope for a minute. You know what?

There was a D20 in the trade already. Lucky for me, it rolled the exact same. They were both 11s in there. So that's going to be a 21 to hit. Absolutely. max damage, that's 18, 19, 19, 20 points of damage. No. Hit him in the face.

I chop his toe off, his big toe. This is awesome. Through that boot. There's no more boot. The final claw comes in at a miserable 13 to hit. Embarrassing turnout for this troll. Doran, let's switch trolls. Yes.

Yes. On left troll This other troll Kind of wants to Join the party But he's also interested in the little No, he didn't see red That's the thing

I'm just a little morsel Just a little guy Widow old me Don't shoot The tiny little fox Hiding on a moon Oh fuck I kill Red Oh no

Now I want him dead No I ruined him for you Now Red's perished. One little bit of baby talking, he's gone. Yes, the troll crawls at the top of the house and rips his head off. The troll approaches the inn and looks in through the window and sees Elister there, giant Elister, and the troll breaks the glass and reaches his arm in through the inn to make two

claw attacks at Elister. No. Didn't I tell you, but veil of silence is on? so there's no sound effects for all that. At the start of every single combat, Harlan's like, Phil's silence. Wait, are you about to do a really big move?

Yeah, it's bail silence. Oh, man, sorry about that. Hellister just screams in silence. That's a dirty 20 and a 21 to hit Ellister. Oof, oof. Yeah, not great. And he's going to take all that damage. Altogether, 25 slashing damage on Elister, who is bloodied.

Bloodied? Oh, my God. Oh, buddy. Oh, shit. Jack, it's your turn. Jack Page is my character. That's your name. Oh, you play Jack Page?

I do, yeah, no. The Ginger? Wait a minute. Maybe we're confused about... What does Jack do? Well, I got a plan. I just got to not feel bad about leaving Elister behind. and I'm going to do that.

So Jack Page has the blooming starflower, his staff in his hand, and it's still glowing from all this energy. It absorbed from Krutica, and that energy sort of starts to coalesce around him, forming a mist, and then, poof, Jack is on Kieran's back. Awesome. And he looks down at Karamona, and more almost like roots, tendrils,

start to grow out of this staff until in front of him is a big circle of magic. sigils and and stuff floating in the air. A lovely spell circle from which a blast of psychic energy spikes towards Karamona's mind.

I would love for her to make me a saving throw. Wow. Is this a new spell? What is this? Yeah, it's a new cantrip. What's it called? An intelligence saving throw DC-17. This is mine sliver.

I fucking love that. First of all, great name. Excellent. of all, I rolled a natural 1. Oh, I love that. Beautiful. So not only does Caramona take 12 psychic damage as Jack fries her brain a little bit, but the next save she has to make, she subtracts 1D4.

I rolled a 2 for that, so her next save is minus 2 if it happens before the start of my next turn. Jack, unfortunately, you take retribution damage from Caramona. What? Make a dexterity saving throw, please. This could fuck my day up. 10. Oh, no.

You fail. So you are going to take some cold damage. I love it. And she gives back as hard as she got for that psychic spear. Ouch. 15. Cold damage, almost maximum. Owwee.

I'm using my inspiration on this concentration check because I don't want. Okay. Oh, that was only one roll and it's a good thing I used it. Holy fuck. No, I don't love that. Seven. That sucks. You lose your concentration?

Do you lose Kieran? No. Shiza. It won't be that bad, but it does change my whole fucking plan. Hmm. It won't be that bad. It just changes everything. Jack, as you get blasted with cold air.

Jack gets this blast of cold air in the face, pushes him off Kieran until he tumbles back, hits his head on the stone wall behind him. And that tether of magic between him and Kieran starts to fade until he looks at his companion since he'd learned magic. I won't lose you again, Kieran. and as the thread of magic gets smaller, Kieran's big draconic form gets smaller and smaller and smaller

until he's this little cat-sized dragon that Jack is able to like stuff into the pocket dimension that keeps familiar safe to deal with later. But now the concussed again, Jack is sitting on the floor with his whole plan shot. Oh, no. I'm going to dive out the window. Excellent.

So Jack, there's a double-paned window. behind him and Jack just smashes the window with his staff and like hops out the back of the house right beside make a real quick athletics check for me to see Known athletics Haver

Jack Page gets a six Oh no Jack No As you're making your way through the shards of glass You take three slashing damage from these livers of glass

as you roll through into the snow That sucked for me. Fucking go from one mine sliver to an actual glass sliver. God damn it. Rough turn for Jack Page. He's still not top of his game. He's rusty at this. He's got to learn this new magic stuff.

But he knows where Kieran is anyways, and it's safe. So that's something. All of our heroes but one are outside of the inn. Alistair Noggins is the only one who is witness to the pouring of Cobol. that still comes from the basement of this place. Elister, come on, get out here. Where the trolls can eat you. Come on on the troll side of the house.

It's easy to get distance on a troll. Four of the cobalds cluster around Elister and stab at them with their scimitars. All of them hit, since they're using their lovely pack tactics, and one of them crits. Elister takes four hits from these cobalds and goes down. Oh, buddy, no. Shit.

Thank you to our wonderful patrons. Allison Wrights, Merlin, Anne, Athologoff, Axel, Barry Ginette, Casey, Cetel Lee Wilson, Sherry Rose Anderson, Christopher, Colin Burckhart, Crow, Daniel, Dippody, Flynn, Gareth Bradshaw, Haley, Haley, Haley, Hap of the Mox, J.D, Joy Robinson, Julie Holderman, jury, K R, K R, KM, Cade, Lizania, Last Ruth on the left, Leader J. Liz. Lorelei Feldman, Manda Pants, Merrick's Moon, Matilda Rushing, Melinda Curley. Moon. Oakland. Quill Bennett. Regan. Ren? Scotty. Shannon Waldner, S. Ray 96. Tegan. T-kettle. Tony Pepperoni. Trin. Waffle 427. Zander Morning Dove. Zach House. And Zephyrus. So much.

This presumes Jack survives. Yeah, exactly. So true. Jack's definitely going to get poisoned or turned to stone and... Or impregnated by some kind of weird egg. Or all the above. Impregnated, turned to stone and murdered. Yeah.