Dice Shame - 2-99 | 'Within Reach'

Episode Date: July 18, 2024

Imagine your best game of D&D. The shocks, the twists and turns, the moments that can’t be caught because you just had to be there. That’s Dice Shame.Join our DM Jo, her husband Harlan, their brother Alex & their best friends Rob and Alex as they experience those unmissable, gut-wrenching, heart-aching, joy-filled moments.This legendary AP releases a brand new episode every Thursday morning at 1:20 am!Content Warning: animal death, swearing, violence, claustrophobiaPart of the Rusty Quill Network Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What do you mean? He's here right now? We've got lots of options in making fake stuff. The fall from that height would only break your legs. Mario starts squeezing the hair. What's wrong with being underground? Because we're obviously in a dragon's territory. It's a little tight up ahead. It can feel pain?

Maybe a few too many of those ails, hey. Remember that D&D campaign that just died when they fell off a cliff and then an ape fell on them? No, magic weapons can't take damage. I don't think I want to go anyway. You'll get through one way or another, Jack. Hey, I almost got me! You smell that? Yeah.

I know that smell. Dragon. Welcome back to Dice Shame. This is Season 2, Episode 99, Within Reach. MVP this week is Vox. Vox was nominated by their friend Weird Alchemy, who says, Vox, you deserve to be MVP for being a great listen-along, podcast, buddy,

and going this 300. episode Disham Adventure with me. Ah, that's so sweet. Thanks so much, Vox. You're this week's MVP. Thanks, Vox. All right, shall we do this? Yeah, let's play some D-D-D.

Woo. Woo-woo, woo, woo. The next day, you pack up and travel. The first sign that you're headed in the right direction is a new scent on the breeze. the aroma of freshly warming earth, underlaid with some kind of sharpness, a smell that gives you paws. You smell that?

Yeah. I know that smell. Dragon. That is definitely dragon-like. Oh, that's where we want to go. If we need to make a fake mannequin that looks like a damsel in distress, let me know. I'll use Doran.

What? Yeah, we've got lots of options in making fake stuff at the moment. I don't know, whenever I think of a dragon cave, I think of a wooden pole on the outside with like a damseless, you know what I mean? Like the paperbag princess style. Oh no, if anyone could save me. You don't hear enough tales anymore about that. I want more sacrificed outside of a dragon hole. It's like the best.

At some point in our childhood, that was the image and it got lost and I want to bring it back. I love the mental image of this discussion and it's like, we have to send a maiden and everyone looks at Murray and then it smash cuts and reds running over dressed in a wig and like a gown. Yes, exactly. The only way. Hello. Like full bugs bunnies. Drop my handkerchief. I remember that from my youth.

I guess that means we're getting closer. Yeah. Now remember, dragons are not to be trifled with. Whatever the dragon says, we do. If it asks for some sort of payment, don't hesitate. Give it whatever it needs.

These things will kill us without a second thought. Also, they really like to be complimented. That's true. Yes, dragons are extremely vain. They only hear what they want to hear. Thanks. I just got a cut. Up ahead, Captain Treneros is pacing around impatiently.

All right, let's keep going. This Treneros is getting impatiently. Not that I really care, because watch, and it just takes off the ring again, and then puts it back on. Stop that. What are you going to do about it? Stop hitting yourself. The next time he reappears, he's like one centimeter from your face. Ooh, that would be scary, actually.

Let's keep going. Next, you observe the snow thins out on the ground to clear ice, thin and brittle underfoot, crushing to shards and nothing. As you make your way through a copse of dripping trees, limbs, wet from snow melt everything's alright let's keep going Dorn you're okay you look scared I mean look at all around us we're probably going to be coming up on a cave

here Sorry I had to clear my throat Oh now that's better Oh Dorn he's okay Three years he hasn't cleared his throat He's just had like bronchitis Sorry about that

Ascending into the foothills The gray-brown patches of dead meadow grass are replaced by fresh shoots, and as you gain altitude into the mountain range, and you are forced to pause and consider your path carefully to pick a safe route, moist air coalesces around you and creates a dreamy haze, dampness clinging to your skin. Captain Trenneros turns to you red and says, it's as I suspected. Clarion agreed to guard our repository, but to keep it secret. This is plainly a dragon's lair, the way she sculpts the world to suit her.

Anyone would see this and know her territory. What does that mean? And Red turns to the others. Trenneros says that she was meant to keep this layer secret, but she's obviously taken over more of this mountain. I mean, it's been a thousand years or whatever. What else was part of their deal? Treneros, what else was part of your deal?

I was not there at the brokering of the deal with Clarion I only know its barest details He wasn't there at the actual deal So he can't assume But you might be right Jack And Red turns the train arrows Let's just progress as normal Take it extra careful

I wonder if this has anything to do with the ordaining If that's affected us at all And Red locks eyes with Jack for a second And he's like well you know jack and i have suspected that dragons may be involved with the ordaining it's not the first time they've been mentioned classic enemies and if you think i mean we we didn't run into a big old blue dragon at the eye of the world for nothing they're meddling in this clarion could be caught up in it too yeah and the red dragon that gave us the airship clearly had a stake yeah and the green dragon said something Claw Gileumatar said something You guys did say that you found a cloud giant castle near here Yeah

Would take something monstrous to knock that out of the sky Exactly Like harpies Or a dragon I mean if you want to be obvious about it I thought maybe we're going to look Sure yeah obviously Because we're obviously in a dragon's territory

Yeah you know what fine Let's just fucking play it by the numbers Let's go Treneros walk to the dragon layer What if it is Harpies And I'll be fucking right And I'll be standing over you 109 night in bed with a knife. What?

Huh? What? Oh, not again. I was thinking about something else. Every morning, Red, stop. Put the knife down. Every morning, Red just puts the knife away is the difference. Treneros, and Red stops him before he moves.

Is the dragon aware of our presence if this is the extent of its layer? Would it be mindful of us to perhaps have something like a spell that would make our approach less noticed. If she is here, she will know that you are as well. Can we stealth at all? If she's here, she knows we're here, regardless of what spells we cast.

Let's just take it slow. Maybe she'll think we're a goat. That feels worse. Or four goats. Yeah. Or two goats walking, two really long goats. Because goats aren't bipedal.

So two sets of, so one goat, Like, Jack and I are two, like, two, you know, one goat, one long goat. Well, how does the dragon know we're not four goats walking on our hind legs? Well, that's what I'm saying. Four goats, but we wouldn't. There could be eight goats. We would have to be on all fours to be, because she would feel.

I mean, if it's based on tremors sense, but if it's just visual, Jack conjures the butt end of a goat costume. Well, now I look like an ass, not being the front of a goat. You can be your own. Wait, you want me to be the ass? How dare you, Jack. Red comes right up to your face. I am never the ass end of anyone's goat Stephen

And Red turns away crying And continues towards Treneros Oh my god I think you guys are suffering from altitude sickness The air is thin up here Red I think you're getting loopy I'm not loopy

I just don't want to be anyone's ass goat I get what he's saying I get what he's saying Thank you Darwin I think we're all a little bit on edge here Now Where's Trenarios What Treneros he's up ahead

Let's go Red keeps going. Oh. It's just at a Halloween party one time when I was young. Oh, no. Climbing farther, you realize that you are inside of a scuttling bank of clouds, and once they clear, you are afforded views of the landscape all around. The vantage is astonishing.

Oh. The snow has not only disappeared entirely, but the valleys here are carpeted with silver-green grass, lush. The trees are large. here. The foliage spear-shaped, dark and glinting. Bees happily nuzzle into white flowers, and all around

you a haze of insubstantial cloud stuff comes and goes on a warm breeze. Oh my God. Wow. Well. It doesn't feel real. Incredible. Seems almost like a dream. Fuck me. What a beautiful sight. Have we all died and gone on to the next

plane of reality? Just into the mouth of a dragon's lair, Doran. This is the kind of stuff they can do. Holy crap. Oh, boy. Okay. Well, steal ourselves. Your trail wears through the mountainside, and it brings you to the crest of a mountain slope.

You can look down sharply to your left and to your right. The world seems to fall away, and the breeze whips at your belongings. Don't fall. Yeah. That's probably not the way I want to go. I don't think I want to go anyway, in this case, but that's low, low on my list. Don't worry. The fall from that height would only break your legs, probably your spine.

But you wouldn't die outright, unless you land it on your head. So if you do fall, try to turn yourself while you're falling to land on your head. Because having both legs broken and your backstatted is no way to live. Trust me. I remember that dwarf that Doran threw off the wall, yes. Yeah, that's right. I signed the card for him. It's going to have to be in rehabilitation for a long time.

This is a lot further than that, okay? I didn't give him his books back. I don't think so. Give me that book. See how far I could throw it. If I could throw it to the bottom, then we're good. Let's keep going and obviously be damn careful. In fact, red pauses, would it be mindful to maybe tie each other together?

Probably a good idea. Doran's already agreeing as he's retrieving a rope out of his bag too he's got it tightened around his waist and passes it up one goes we all go if you wanted you could stick Murray at the front because then it's like if something did happen she can wild shape and be something big big and heavy but would that big and or no like grab onto something oh or something they just fall and die we just we've fallen just turn into a bat and I love this idea that yeah like that happens and Mari turns into like a giant ape

and then all three of us fall and the ape just kills us. You could have picked anything, but you pick... Remember that D&D campaign that just died when they fell off a cliff and then an ape fell on them? And then they didn't record anymore? What a weird show. That was the end of the show. You know, on second thought, let's not tie each other off. And Reg just walks forward.

This was a silly idea anyway. And Dora's just staying there with a rope frowning. Next time, Doren. The trail crosses down. one side of the mountain and into a valley dotted with huge trees and strange towering

stone statues. Imagine how stupid we feel in this valley tied together. Yeah. It would feel kind of pointless. I mean, Jack's attention is immediately drawn to these statues trying to figure out what they're depicting and any other details you can make. Jack, liking old shit? But maybe they're new.

But that's the thing, right? Maybe they're but art. Jack loves art. The stone sculptures are so strange and otherworldly. The most notable, the ones that you can see from a distance, tower above the trees in rounded humanoid shapes that look down towards their feet. As you approach, you can see that their eyes are pierced all the way through entirely, and they have these long melting fingers. And as you continue on the path in and amongst the trees, you notice other sculptures.

They interact directly with the trees, caging them, training their growth. Some are abstract shapes perching on the limbs of the trees. Huh. And then you notice the smallest of the statues. Some of the rocks underfoot appear to be carved as well, even tiny, pebbles appear in the shapes of skulls or other recognizable humanoid bones all told there must be hundreds of thousands of individual pieces of sculpture within this valley and the path carves its way through them all leading you onwards oh fuck this place feels incredible uncomfortable

If you touch one of them, does Marri, does she feel any magic within them? There's a faint, distant echo of magic. Here be dragons, eh, Dorn? Hmm, here they be. No, it's just here be dragons. It's just, that's all right. Who do you think carved these? Dorn's going to roll his stone cunning and answer that.

For my guess, probably the cultists. We know that they have allegiance with this. But think of the scale of some of these. Like I tend to wonder if Clarion isn't a bit of an artist themselves. If you just look at the, to carve a statue in order to train a tree that's going to take 100,000 years to grow to its full height anyways. And you want the, you know, to get it to shape like that through the arms of these things. That takes a cultist would, if they were doing the handiwork, it certainly wasn't at their own direction. This takes a mind that thinks on a longer scale.

I'll be honest. I was fixing a button on my shed. I wasn't looking at the statues that well. I have mending. I don't need mending for everything. Magic isn't the answer for everything. Sometimes it's nice to just do it yourself with your hands. I agree, but there is magic within these statues. That's a segue. Okay, yeah, so I've got a 17. This would be a puzzling piece of stonework, Doran. Were it not for a memory that you have When you were traversing the spine of the world, you recall a similar statue, a huge, impossibly lifelike statue of a blue dragon. This stonework appears to be wrought in a similar manner, not altogether representational,

but the scale speaks to art created with magic. So would I be able to determine that these are not? petrified beings this is this is stone artwork it is yeah you know hey I recall there was a massive blue dragon statue dear do you remember that yeah up into the spine of the world there's no chisel marks here there's no he runs his hand up against the base of one of the larger statues there's no chisel marks there's no separating pieces this has all been magically crafted and he picks up a little tiny, tiny skulls on the ground.

Some very intricate artwork. Luckily, it's not petrified beings. That's for sure. Continuing to follow the path brings you to a cliffside. The path follows the cliff for a short distance before disappearing into a dark hole, a doorway about seven feet tall. The top of the entryway bears an inscription.

Pursue the quest for righteousness with your whole self. Leave all else behind. On top of the carved letters, someone has vandalized with white paint. Hail, clarion, or die. Gulp? Your whole self. What do you think they mean by that? Drop our weapons and everything, or...

Is it written in the common tongue or a draconic? It is. Is this carved there? as though it was put there, or was this previous vandalism? The carved inscription is very old, probably as old as this doorway, but the vandalism is much fresher. Are there any dead bodies or skeletons around here? Not that you've seen.

Ha, Hale Clarenna dies. Bit of an empty threat. There ain't no dead bodies around here? Well, you sort of got to go out of your way to get here, don't you? Well, look, it's popular enough that they vandalized it. Spirit and body, I guess. If I had my guess, I'd say it was the cultist that wrote hail, Clarion, or die. Probably.

Agreed. Seems of there. But that seems a little rude to be vandalizing your clarion's place of rest, you know, like that. I don't think this is originally hers. That's true. Right, okay. Well, look, let's math this out. That carving isn't hers.

It's not meant to be hers. It's meant to be for Kellenvore, which is about scales and the Knights of the Eternal Order. Right. Now, what do we remember about the Knights of the Eternal Order? They left their souls here and then traveled to Borovia. Right. Right. But they wouldn't leave their souls outside.

Now, would they have needed their weapons to travel through? Probably, so I don't think they would have left their weapons out here either. Right. What do you know about Kellenvore, Jack? I mean, he's a god of the dead, you know, fair in their dealings compared to some of the other gods of the dead that have existed in the past. So, you know, generally, if we're going in with that sense, and maybe Trinieros can speak to it, I think we approach it plainly evenly. We know why we're here. It is a good and righteous purpose. If Clarion needs to be hailed when we get there, I'll do that instead of die. Do we think that this place has within it inherent danger, or are we mostly just concerned with the dragon?

Both? What does your imaginary friend say, Red? Imaginary, she just called you Treneros. Treneros has his sword drawn and is looking into the depths of this tunnel, like he is facing down an adversary. Treneros is looking ready to fight here. Not us. He's looking at the opening. He turns to you solemnly red, and he says,

Being back here after so long is like looking into the grave. Look, pursue the quest for righteousness with your whole self. Leave all else behind. What does it mean? Can we enter easily, or is it some sort of riddle that needs to be cracked before entering? You may enter. But I may not, for I am not. hole. Right. Right. Treneros is saying we can enter, but he cannot. In the same way that an

undead creature could not enter this place. Treniero's nods. Safely, right? Yeah, he nods. Well, all right then, I suppose, is there anything else we need to know before heading in there? Obviously, it could have changed in the years since you've been gone, but... He raises a hand as if to wipe away the vandalism, and then brings his hand down to his chest, and he says, Much has changed. Fulfill the quest,

Red-Handed Robin, and free us from damnation. We'll lay the rest. I promise. And Red takes off the ring and slips it back into his pocket. He disappears. Well, onward once more. Red enters the mountain. Jack follows close behind.

So short in the sun and back into darkness. And Mari follows Jack and Red. Yeah. Do we all have to say something that door enters? You leave behind the light of day and the warmth of the mountainside as you descend a flight of uneven stone steps into the darkness. We're almost done in the dark, right? It's not going to be too long down here, right?

Everyone? I hope not. I feel like I've spent infinitely more time underground with you guys in the past. Oh, I don't know. Not that long that I have in my entire life. And here we go again. Toring kind of gets this look on his face, and he goes, What's wrong with being underground?

I love it underground. Except I don't like that smell. Smells a little bit too like giant dragon. I could dig up my lamp if we wanted a little light, but these tunnels just seem a little tighter than before, you know? Scarborough was so much more open. Mario starts squeezing the hair. I'll shoot the hair again.

I mean, maybe if you want to go out. the lantern jack uh maria are you using your goggles it's getting dark yeah i like to imagine that when she blinks they blink with her that's always how i picture them yeah that's weird i like it oh like a like a like a disney jeweler's glasses yeah like the old lady in the shop who looks up and she's like yes just like a second set of of eyelids on a lizard or something but when she squints they also squint with her so good oh so she's just an anime character Finally, you realize. Oh, that's why.

Yeah. You land in a roughly carved chamber with some loose rocks on the ground here and there. Off to the northeast, a tunnel continues on in the darkness. Let's talk marching order first. I think Red is in the lead, and he's cast pass without trace. With his passive investigation of 17 and perception of 20, Red's kind of just keep an eye out for anything that might be dangerous. Yeah.

That makes sense. And Doran would pick up the rear, as usual, just in case anybody wanders in behind us, something dangerous. Jack's very comfortable in the middle, maybe right in front of Doran, taking his time gawking at the stone and the walls and things. He loves a good excavation. Sh, Jack, stop gawking.

Gocking so loudly. These peepers, they made for gawken. Mari is following sort of along, a bit closer to red. but keeping enough distance that if something, a trap does go off, then hopefully she'll be spared. Just close enough that red takes the bite. Yeah.

And Doren is going, I'd like to roll some stone cunning. Sure. To try and figure out if this is a natural cave or if it's been Doug. Okay. Roll for it. All right, Doug. Oh, that's going to be 26.

Fuck yeah. I know all about this cave. Rolling rocks. This place is certainly not natural in formation. It seems poorly cared for

but well-traveled. The walls are in disrepair, but there are almost these worn paths in the rock underfoot. are the paths are they like fresh or is it something that's like clearly like old but just like very very dug in it's not as dug in as you would see like wagon troughs in the cobblestone of an old medieval village but you can clearly see that people have walked to this floor specifically out toward the tunnel that goes to the northeast And with Redd's natural 20 perception, where does this north end of this tunnel lead? Red, looking ahead of you towards this tunnel, you see that the cavern narrows precipitously.

You're going to have to squeeze through an extremely tight aperture to continue on in this cave. Looks like it gets a little tight up ahead. I might need to suck it in. And Red walks up to the narrow passage and, And squeeze it through. As you begin to traverse this passageway, Red, your gear starts to kind of get caught on the walls of the cavern. As thin as you are, it doesn't seem like you're going to be able to carry your equipment on your body and also make this passage. Come on.

Did you okay in there? Yeah. You stuck? No. No, I'm not stuck. Look, I think we're going to need to, uh, well, I think we're going to need to, uh, well, I think. we're going to need to lose a couple extra pointy bits and Red takes the bow off his back

as well as the quiver and draws his rapier and sort of reaching one arm through the crevasse, he just tosses them into the adjacent room. And before you go, Doran jovial, he pats your stomach and he's like, oh, maybe a few too many of those ails, hey, hey, Redd. Not enough glass. Red locks eyes with you.

What the fuck did you just say? Well, I was only joking. Come on now. I'm going to have to get there through myself. Come on, Dorn. You're going to have to lose the axe as well. Here, hand it. I'll toss it in.

Red sort of with one hand into the crevasse and the other outstretched towards Doren. It kind of looks long at his axe. And Ork Splitter just says, no. And then hesitantly hands it off to Red. Oh, just be careful. Don't throw it hard. She'll be fine. Red throws it into the room

hard and locks eyes with Doris. You hear Ork Splitter go No! Oh my god It can feel pain? Doorn Are you okay, Ork Splitter? No, magic weapons can't take damage. Jack sends Kieran to back safe to their pocket dimension and hands red the staff

getting ready for his turn to climb through. Don't worry, I'll be careful with this one too. Red tosses it in. You just have to make another one if it... Mari just javelins hers through over Red's head. Hey, you almost got me. Jeez. All right.

And Red sucks in his gut and slips through the passage. So, Mari, you shuffle your way through this passage after Red. Who comes next? Boost me through there, Doran. You want me to boost you through? Yeah, boost me through and they'll give you a hand and pull you through. All right. Team effort.

Let's do it. And Doran... Is boosting someone or? horizontally just shoved it. I assumed there had to be a bit of an up element that made it make sense for Red to be poised at the entry and hand everything through. Sure, sure, sure. That was making sense of it.

That was my vision for it. I'm just imagining I'm battering, ramming Jack right through. That's good. Like Japanese train pushing. Yes, exactly. As he like, you'll get through one way or another, Jack. Come on. Yeah, no, I'm almost there.

You don't have to push that hard. I got it. I'm coming. I'm gotcha. Red's just staying there like, what the fuck are you guys doing? As you scrape through this tight passageway, your breaths echoing in your ears, you begin to hear a strange reverberating pattern,

this rhythm. It's the footfalls of red from the cavern beyond. It's the sound of your heart in your own ears. As you exit into this second cavern, the echoes begin to just drill deeply into your brain. The same sounds repeating over and over getting louder. This is not normal echoes. Rattling something loose inside of you, all four of you become overcome by this terrible echoing. And you faint.

Huh. When you come to, the echoes have ceased, but you are completely disoriented, having forgotten everything about yourself with no memory at all of the past hours, weeks or even years of your life. You don't know your own name, much less how you have come to be.

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Zuckhaus and Zephyrus Thank you so much Woo And dorn shits and vomits. Mari. Mari, what's your shit vomit orgasm? I didn't make a noise, but it was hidden by, I know I did make one, but it was hidden by the sounds that were happening.

Let's hear your fainting sounds. I really thought the, huh, was going to cover me for the, like, cut to commercial break, but, ugh. That's good, that's all I need. Huh. And then he passes out. How curious. I seem to be light ho.