Dice Shame - 41 | 'It's All Downhill"

Episode Date: July 23, 2020

Thing go pear-shaped within the Hill Giant's Lair... Comedy, action and a whole lot of shaming come together in Dice Shame, an Actual Play Podcast of Storm King's Thunder by Wizards of the Coast! Join our GM Jo; her partner Harlan, his brother Alex & their best friends Justin and Rob as they tackle the daunting world of Faerun in this legendary adventure module! Dice Shame is a podcast that welcomes its audience to the gaming table. Like the games they play at home, they try not to take themselves too seriously. The show aims to be entertaining, inclusive, and irreverent, while still taking the rules (somewhat) seriously. Join us every Thursday morning for brand new episodes available on all major platforms including; Spotify, iTunes, Google Play and more! If you haven't checked it out yet... what are you waiting for?!? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As far as tone goes, guys, this is pretty fucking dire. One of the heads, he's got, like, a headlock. No, he's headlocking both heads. Everything's flammable if you try hard enough. Oh, Red, that's people. No. That's the way we do it. Dellen, you stun of a bitch. Dern, does, like, a little pop.

The pigs start to combine into one super pig. You're running away from your quarry? Drink our blood if you dare. You're a coward. Kalimvor. Guide my hand. Welcome back to Dyshame. Episode 41, it's all downhill.

MVP this week is Rick Freeman for being awesome, supportive, kind, and generally just having the best time with us in our Discord chat. Thank you, Rick. We love you, Rick. Right now we're facing some intense challenges as a species, and we just wanted to take a second to say thank you to everyone who's doing their part to combat the coronavirus pandemic by using physical distancing, quarantine, and infection control measures like wearing a mask in public. Also, huge shout out to folks in heavily affected areas

who are attending to essential services. We really appreciate it. We love you. We're a fucking mask, people. All right. Do you want to roll some dice? Let's roll. shit now boys the pig shit but also the proverbial shit the shit has hit the fan there's a lot of good sayings with the word shit in a lot of shit jokes what i'm coming to understand also there's a lot of detail to soak in a lot of different stuff going on yeah can we recap the last like 30 seconds in this room absolutely like 30 seconds ago we were in the other room we rescued galvin yeah we shoved across one galvin's hand and said galvin you need to be the lead go out there and get him so this half Elf, dude from Golden Fields, grabs the crossbow, and then books it.

And then you see movement pass these cavern tunnels. You see that there are bug bears, and then the Etton is, like, hot on his trail. Right. 24 seconds ago, Jack flicks his hand, gets Gryhook out of the thing. Red's over there talking to him. Gryhook runs out, goes to his door and bleed. And then Red recognizes the woman in this cage is the Duchess from the Humperag. Villa.

Yeah. Right. She's being a jerk. And then Doren tries to sneak. He drops his spear. Tosses it to the barbarian. The bug bear's arms. Yeah.

You cast grease. That's been a busy 30 seconds. All right. I'm in there. Red, what do you do? I will step out of cover and I will fire at the bug bear. 22 to hit. Yeah, absolutely.

And that will be 20 damage. Wow. Okay. Great. I will attack again. Do it. 22? Oh.

That hits. 25 damage. The bug bear falls over dead. Nice. He's dead? And I will duck back behind the cage. Cool. It is our friend Gryhock's turn.

He hefts his javelin, like he's about to kill this bug bear, and then, another arrow flies by his head, and he looks around like... And I give him a little... That's my job, buddy. I understand his role now. There's no one in his direct range. The barbarian admires Reds handiwork and then hunkers down defensively.

Next up, Doran. What do you do? Doran immediately grabs out of his backpack. His grappling hook? Yes. So he just tosses it and pulls the bugbear in through the grease. Bug bear fishing. Which makes it really great to like pull them in. Slip slide away.

Yeah, no problem. So you accurately throw this onto his belt. Grappling hook. Yeah, it attaches to his... Why does that? This bug bear, I have a belt. It's a really nice belt, too.

I dragging in through the mud, and then I stuff him in the crevice kind of the corner, like whereabouts I'm standing. Great, yeah. And continue to ready myself. I love it. You're going to be so fucking ready. The readiest. Take it a minute to skin the bug bear, and away we go. Krayloth, you see these two bug bears enter the cavern that you're looking down into?

Yeah, I'm going to run into the other room. With us? Yeah, with you guys. and just say, got two more coming, and I'm going to ready an attack for any bug bear that comes around the corner and gets into the space next day. Cool. Bugbear time.

Does anyone else picture bug bears as like big bears with fly heads? That's what I picture. Because I can only think of an insect mashup. I had this kind of vision of like a bear, but then... I know they're not. I just every time I hear them, I always think of that.

About a fly with a bear's head. Right? I mean, like an owl bear is. an owl bear. So where's the bug part of this? I just, I want some insect wings. Maybe they're just kind of annoying. Okay. Like they just kind of rub you the wrong way a little. They're bugging us. Get out of here, you stupid bug bears. So I'm going to take some of these turns piecemeal just to try to keep my head on straight because there's a lot of enemies that I have to deal with. So Kralath, as you round the corner and ready your mace, indeed you are pursued by two bug bears. One of them

stops within five feet of you and takes his morning star off of his back. You have a chance to attack. So that is a 15 to hit. Nice. With my mace of deception? No. Oh. Damn.

It was a trick. Deceived again. Deceived by your own mace. Another bug bear runs up, jumps over the wooden palisade, and finishes his turn in the square of grease that Jack, just lately cast. Sucka. Why doesn't he give me a save? Dexterity, I believe. Looking for

15. 13. I love the picture of the vault off the top of this five-foot fence lands on the ground and then just hard on his ass. Slides. Great. So dude is prone. Light the grease on fire. Is grease actually flammable?

Everything's flammable if you try hard enough. With enough heat. It doesn't specify. Following very close behind the bug bear, the Etton charges up and is only able to get right behind the bug bear. Unfortunately, not in the grease. And, yeah, another bug bear joins the fray just behind the other Eton. So, Jack, it's your turn. You see this, like, tantalizing number of monsters coalesce around the Greece in, like, this very...

We all want to be burned. Please, AEO, yes. We're just waiting for a great ball of fire. Yeah, we're going to do a 10-foot radius sphere that, with a sudden, loud, ringing noise, painfully erupts and does some thunder damage to these Yahoo's. Wow. Fifteen Constitution save. That's probably a mistake. Okay, con save.

Good luck. Oh, wow. They all fail. Nice. I hold 18 thunder damage to each of them. Thunder. We don't have the rights to that song, guys. Oh.

Do something like thunder. Way for you Right, that one's very free Wow, yeah, okay They're shook Red, it's your turn I'm gonna fire at the Etton Big boy

He's been damaged, correct? He has I will take my leave He is a colossus Eight to hit Oh boy Oh sorry I'm going to attack again

Ah, there we go 22 to hit Yeah Nice Left head to the right head 25 damage to the right hand. And I am still in cover, so I'll bend down it again. The barbarian moves five feet forward, hefts the javelin, and throws it at the Etton, because the bug bear is prone.

All right. That's my second natural one on my green dice. Oh, poor shame. I'm so confused. Usually I want. I know. And now he doesn't have a weapon because he threw his javelin. But on the plus side, he's one of the Knightstone 4 if he can't fucking hit anything.

So, good on it, buddy. You're part of the team officially now. He just shrugs. He's like, oh, Doren, it's your turn. All right. You watch as this barbarian throws away one of your weapons. I'm going to use my combat superiority die. Do it.

Six. So add a six to... Red, take your shot. Come on. Fire at them. Left head or right head. Thanks, darling. Do you want me to do it with my sharpshooter penalty?

Yes. All right. Here we go. Going on the left head. I don't know. 14. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

They're big boys. Big targets. 30-fold damage. Wow. All right. Nice shot. Red. Thanks, butto.

Uh, E? I have a picture of an arrow out of each of these heads just stuck right out. Yeah. No, you get him in the stomach and he, like, both of his hands, like, grab around where the arrow. Just put this in your belly Is protruding from him You start seeing orange green bile Yuck

And I give you the thumbs up Doren Because you did good And I like Because I got that blood still on my face From when Greyhawk touched me And it's like coming off a little bit As I boom Each of my bow strings

Krayloth it's your turn What do you want to do? You are like Right up against two bug bears here Yeah I got two I'm going to lean into it So I'm going to step up into this space that kind of blocks off the entry.

Yeah, you get up toe to toe with them. And I'm going to swing my mace, first of all. That's a 15 to hit again. No, that misses. Oh. Yeah, sorry. These bug bears are tough to hit. Just barely.

And I'm going to cast shield of faith on myself as a bonus action. Okay. Up to 10 minutes, I get a plus two to my AC. And is that a concentration spell? It is concentration, yes. Excellent. This Etton's going to try to move through the grease to get up between Doran and the barbarian. It's going to make a dexterity save.

Yeah, so a creature that enters the area or ends its turn there must also succeed a dexterity saving throw or fall prone. Yeah, cool. So it's going to enter. And that's a natural one. That's the third natural one on this fucking green day. Well, I'm going to celebrate it right way. Beautiful. Three ones on your ass, Etting.

Yeah, yeah. Poor shame. Give me that. For shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame.

No mercy. All shame. It's still going to try to attack Doren from Prone. He's going to try to axe you, Doren. From Prone? Yeah. What a dick. So the creature's disadvantage on his attack rolls, but he's still going to go for it because it's not a big deal.

That's a 15 to hit. And it misses. Doran does like a little hop. Yeah, you just hop out of the way. His weapon goes underneath my feet. Yeah. Okay, bug bear's turn. So the bug bear that's in the grease is going to try.

try to stand up for half of its movement and then uses the other half just to get on the other side of the eton because the eton is difficult to run it's like climbing up over the body of its yeah greasy giants climbing over each other the bug bear comes out on the other side of the eton so it's menacing our barbarian friend and it's going to roll to hit with its freaking weapons get him gry hark and hits him once with the morning star eight damage to gry hark Eight damage to Gry Hawk. And he is bloodied. No, Greyhawk.

Hold your ground, friend. No. And the bug bears attack Krayloth. Come on, shield. No, they miss. Nice. That's my shield. That's like dodging.

I'm just holding it in front of me. That's like a shield you do. Jack, it's your turn. The bug bear that just swung at Gryhawk. Is it injured at all? Oh, yeah. Yeah, so we're going to, we're going to point at it, and hold my orb out and just have this dollarous bell try and call its soul to me.

So make me a wisdom save. Do, do, do, do. That's a 10? 10 is not going to do it. So he can 8, 9, 10, 11 points of necrotic damage, please. Oh, yeah, he did. Nice. He dissolves.

Withered husk covered in grease. Oh, well done, Jack. Awesome. And just a nod to Gryhock, like, I got you. All right, Red, it's your turn. What do you want to do? I am going to attack one of the bug bears with a 17 to hit. Yeah, that'll do it.

Nice. Nice. Finally, hit on these bug bears. 28 damage. Whoa. Oh, good hit friends. He's totally dead. Yes. Nice.

And I'm going to attack again with a dirty 20. Nice. Yep. Nice. Another 25 damage. Ouch. Suck on that, you bug bear bastards. Yeah, and I'm like still holding up my shield.

and like I'll just lower it they're both like dead Yep they're so They're both dead Freaking dead Both of them Like totally And you look over your shoulder at me

And I'm like And Greyhawks like That's what you did to me too And I'm like that's right It's my job Everyone in the cavern Looks at me for a moment And Doran's like

That's all he does I do really appreciate This image of crayLath Like shield in hand Like holding the whole Like this whole doorway To keep us safe In this bubble

Keep you guys from being overrun Stalwort Who's the real iron door? So our friend Gryhawk jumps on the Etton. Nice. That's, like, down on the ground in freaking Greece and is trying to grapple him. And Dorn's like, that's the way we do it. Yeah, so this barbarian just jumps on a giant and is trying to, like, pin it to the ground because he's badass.

Yeah. And somehow he succeeds. Fuck yeah. Nice. Pinning a fucking Etten. He's like, grighawk for treasure. Yeah. Yeah, so the Etton can no longer move right now.

Fuck, yeah. Which is so sick. Good job, Grayhawk. And Gryhawk has like three hit points left and he's like, I picture Gryhawk like giving this sleeper hold. He's like underneath. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's doing a wrestling move.

One of the heads he's got like a headlock. No, he's headlocking both heads. He's a figure four leg lock. No, no, one head. Doran, it's your turn. I mean, this eton is like being headlocked right in front of you in a pool of grease. That's the way we do it. and he starts to hack at the other head,

like the neck, right? Yeah. He's going to take this head clean off if he can. Doing nothing better than a neck. You have advantage to attacking a prone creature. I have advantage? Right. Okay, that's a 26 to hit.

Nice. Yeah, I should say so. With a 13 damage. Nice. Okay. For the first hit. Yeah, he's just barely clinging to life. You're like three quarters of the way through the neck.

Chop it off. One more swing. And this doesn't hit. That's a... How do you know? Oh. Luck, luck, luck, luck, luck. Yeah, you can use your luck.

We don't know whether or not they hit. So on a luck, I just re-roll one die. Okay, well, that's better at a 14. Yeah, you hit. Nice. And doing 11 more damage. Beautiful. Oh, you take his head clean off.

And you see this like sick image of Doren, just like hacking. And yes, it's only two attacks, but let's see. say he takes like six swings. He's just like gets right through it. Of course. Until it's completely separated from the body. I don't know if you've ever met a creature before that delights in this blood sport as much as you do

because Gryhawk is like grabs a palm full of this hot arterial blood and like splashes it all over his chest. Yes. Cut it off. Does Gryhawk have a beard? Yeah, he does. Brother? Yes. It's a beard bloody and competition

if I ever saw one. And I'm like, Violet Humphrod, you watch this, watch this. I grab his hand and I, and I do that thing, you know, not like a handshake, but the fantasy handshake from earlier. He doesn't know what it is. He still doesn't know what it is. He tries to put some blood on you. No, that's, um, Dylan, you son of a bitch.

Delon. Either one of those, the forearm grab or the Dylan, you son of a bitch, that one. And I pull him up and he's to his feet now and I say, nicely done. That's some blade. Krayloth, so there are two bugbear bodies just riddled with arrows at your feet. You watch from the corner of your eyes, Doren takes off the head of this eton and makes a bromance with this barbarian. There's another bug bear just around the corner. And that's all you see right now.

What do you do? Krayloth's going to join the fray. He's going to move down to kind of the middle of the room and stops himself from going over that. Greece, he sees it there, and he's going to cast sacred flame on this here last bug bear. And while you're casting, there's just like these two people in front of you, like, rubbing blood all over their bodies and this romantic... All over each other. Ghost movie type scene.

We're like, oh, yeah. He did it with me fast. Cutting back and forth with soft music is the... Careless whistle. I was just going to say. You can make me a dexterity saving throw. Watch me go. That's a 19.

Oh, no problem. Yeah, so he just like fucking Matrix is right out of the way. Blas. Yeah, and actually, as you miss him, he just takes off. He starts running. He goes west. Can't let that happen. All right.

It's up to you guys. Jack, it's your turn. I would love to dismiss the grease then. Great. You dismiss the grease as an action. It like bubbles and then just soaks down into the dirt. floor. Amazing. And then I'm going to move over to this family in the cage and be ready to escort them out of here.

Cool. Red, what do you do? Red is going to head out after that bug bear, moving his full feline agility, which is 60 feet. And once I exit outside, do I see any other enemies? Yeah, so first you see the bug bear. That's your quarry. He's running up the ramp to the west, moving toward the room that you saw the giant in earlier. Uh-oh. You also see the bug bear. That's also see three bug bears exiting through the eastern corridor that leads toward the two sleeping giants from before. Okay, but they don't see me right now. Not that you can tell.

Okay. I'm going to end my pass without trace. I'm going to cast Hunter's mark on this guy for a bonus action, and he's damaged? Yeah. Perfect. Here we go. 17 to hit? Mm-hmm.

30 damage. Oh. Clean through the back of the skull. Nice. He collapsed. Nice. And Red just looks back again to the barbarian who's standing in the door when he goes, I told you.

He, like, throws a chunk of flesh at you in celebration. And I catch it in my mouth. And I turn around and head back into the roof. Oh, Red, that's people. No. No, you know what? I have another action. Can I just turn around and see if those other bug bear do notice me at all?

Or their backs clearly to me? The backs are clearly to you. They're moving through that. Yeah, then I won't push my luck. I'm just going to sort of. Crouch. It's only 120 feet. I think they know what's going on.

They're leaving the room, right? Yeah, I think they're... We've raised the alarm. Okay, then I'm going to fire at the one at the back. Okay. Because there's no downside at this point. Yeah, yeah. Attack the back.

Back attack. Christopher is rolling rocks tonight. That is a 21 to hit. Christopher, nicely done. Nice. And I rolled full on my damage die. 25 damage. Oh, almost.

He takes a knee. but stands up again. And I shout at him. You're running away from your quarry? Come, drink our blood if you dare. And I'll say it with my most intimidating ability. Sounds like you're trying to persuade them. I was going to say.

I came out of somewhere deep in red. Sounds like you've been drinking etton blood. Whatever. I mean, I just ate a chunk of eton flesh from this barbarian. This is the most, like, riled up we've ever seen red, I think. No, I think, I think. So when I let the barbarian out, he wiped some blood on my face, which Red is sort of a character where he's really excited to act a little bit.

If that hasn't come across clearly in me, he really loves playing along with people in town and the kids. So he sort of took this as a bit of an acting cue where the barbarians like, you're one of us now. And he's really playing into this idea, watching Doran chop off the head and the barbarian strangling the Etton. He's kind of like, yeah, I'm one of the guys too. And he's really sort of a breathing life into this faux barbarian, despite he's not really really. leaving it, but he's kind of excitedly playing along. Cool. And I picture, like, the pigs are all, like, looking at you with stars in their eyes.

Like, we're going to be free. Wee, we, we. Pig rebellion. Yes. It's the barbarian's turn. Looking around, he doesn't see any combatants, but Red is giving him, like, thumbs-ups and stuff. So I guess he's going to run out to you, Red, and he's like, what now? They're leaving, which means they're going to get that giant.

passed by on the way here. Prepare for a second wave. He's just going to start putting his insides back in his body because he's basically almost dead. Oh, right. Do you guys think we should head upstairs to this Western door where we were kind of trying to sneak and just try to cut off...

If we're going to be facing giants, don't we want to cut off the head of the snake? I want to free the family and kids. I guess my question is, where do you guys want to move next? You guys can drop out of initiative now if you want, but stuff will be happening behind the scenes, depending on how long you take to do things. I look over to Jack.

Yeah, I move my hands and the earth moves with it, creating a way for this family to get out with Kieran leading the way. Yeah, they all crawl out. They murmur their gratitude, but all of them are kind of standing in a tight clump. And I guess Doreen kind of yells, So, where are we heading? Are we going upstairs to take off the head of the snake?

Red walks in sort of panting. Yes, I think we should stick with the original plan. We've alerted them. There's 15 giants in this facility. I think it makes sense to just push ahead and try to kill the chieftain while we can. I agree as quickly as possible because it's going to be a hornet's nest here in a little bit. Krala, the kids, the woman in a cage, what do we do? You think we can make this an escort mission?

I don't know what to do. She, like, peeks out from underneath her hands and realizes that the enemies are gone for now. And she sort of brushes herself off. And she's like, you let them out of their cages, this filthy barbarian and this Peasant family. Yeah, but they don't summon demons. Or devil, sorry, I'll be specific. Well, I guess if it suits your morals, then can leave me here to die in the dirt.

Let's talk about this for a second, fellas. I agree. I'm starting to think twice. I gesture to move over out of your shot of this woman. Why don't we want to let this woman free? This is Violet Humphrat. She's the one who owned the mansion. If we let her go, first off, Phalas goes right back into slavery.

Second, we don't have a cool new Heidi house. And three, she's evil. Evil is perspective. Yeah, those are all very good points. And she'll probably want her shield and mace bag. Yeah, and we don't want to get rid of more loot. We need it. Anyway, you decide.

And Red's going to head out and start scouting ahead towards the west. Okay. If we leave her alive, she may eventually escape and cause us some trouble down the road. And if we kill her, then we're just murderers. Mm-hmm. I mean, Jack, has sort of deferred to you on looking for some moral guidance on the issue of Violet. I think he's recognizing himself some prejudice towards this devilry, and he's not into it. I picture Krayloth is sitting there in thought.

He's so enveloped in his own thoughts. He looks at us, and both Jack and I are, like, looking at Kralat. Kralov has this sinking feeling of this is a difficult decision that he's had to make before. I'll take care of it. Red, you look in on this large room. Three giant-sized tables dominate the center of the room. All of them are spattered with blood. On top of the far northern one, two pig carcasses sit partially butchered.

And behind the table, the blood-stained giant you'd seen earlier wielding an axe stares at you as you round the corner. In front of the table, crouched, is a terrifying-looking creature, slavering and slobbering. Also, it's eyes trained on you. This creature is quadrupedal. Which means it walks on all fours?

I'm lying, actually. This is a tripetal creature. Oh, no. That's one less leg. You got three legs? Trilateral symmetry. Those exist? It does now.

Did it lose a leg? So this creature. A creature is large. It's got beige, rubbery-looking skin. It's got three big, thick, elephant-time-looking legs with big nails. And it supports this giant face full of teeth. What the fuck? It's got a big long tongue. It's salivating a lot. You don't really see any eyes to speak of. Sounds like something from Ghostbusters. Yes. And on top of this huge creature's back, it has these three long tentacles that are kind of waving in the air and each tentacles topped

with vicious looking spines. So then you know what? I reverse Red's comment. What he really says is what the fuck? Because I have no idea what I'm looking at. Because you said tripetal so automatically my simple brain goes to a triangle. So there's this triangle, fleshy,

rubbery creature with arms on its head and a lot of teeth. Yep. And Red is scared. That's about right. Perfect. They're pretty fun and they're very hungry and everyone roll for initiative. Oh, man. I discarded my green dice and I'm starting on a new purple set. Ah, purple, eh?

Is there anything else you should know about this? Does it have spikes all over its body? What, the dice? Don't roll a dye that has a spike on its body. Does it got teeth on its feet? Its teeth have eyes and its eyes have teeth. It's got a beer hat on. Tooth teeth, tooth teeth.

All right, red, what did you get? I got a 21. Nice. Kralath? 13. Doren? I also got a 13. Oh. Dora, and I say you go first.

All right, I'll go first. Jack? 20. All right. What did you do again, Red? I got a 21, which is good, because I'm going to need it. I can't imagine this thing running in a very straight line. It's only got three legs. How fast could it be?

Haven't you seen that car from Mr. Bean? The Reliant Robin. I said, we just push it over. Red start us off. Red is going to turn and bolt. There's this huge pig pen in the center of this. room. That's right.

How far is it from the ramp down to the pig pen area? It's about a 10 foot drop. You could like slide down on your bum. Yeah. So I'm thinking I want to hide in and amongst these pigs because it's sort of the most cover in this large area. And I mean, I got to make a gamble here that this thing that I think was described without eyes can't see that well.

So Red is going to turn around. I'm going to bolt down into the depths of the pig, probably to the most cluster filled area. I want you to roll animal handling. Oh, wow. So my animal handling is plus five, which I never used. I said you've got pig sense.

Well, not only that, I'm the ranger. I forget. Because I'm so badass. Send the pigs in as the army. Send in the pigs. Can I roll with advantage because I smell a bit like Doren? No.

That doesn't help you hear. Hey, what's that supposed to mean? No, that's bad. What did you roll? Roll a seven. Whoa. Okay. As you drop down into this pit, you startle the pigs that you're trying to hide in and amongst, and they go running.

So I still have an action, though, right? Yeah, there's a trough right beside you. Yeah. You could definitely take cover behind it, try to hide. I'm going to jump into the trough, and I'm going to hold my breath, and I'm going to sink down beneath this sloppy one. Whoa. All right. Gross.

I don't know if there's enough slop to, like, swim in, but you can definitely lie down in the trough and like pile scraps on top of you. Yeah. Okay. And, uh, I don't know why, but that grosses me out more than blooding guts. Slop? Because you're desensitized. Ew.

And right before I stick my head below, I'm going to yell out to the barbarian, I think was still sort of in the doorway, was he not? I think he moved in a little bit. Well, either way, I'll just say, there's a giant coming boys! And I stick my head below. Roll stuff. I like, picture this, he's sitting there and he just goes, there's a giant. Quiet, boy.

22. Just this blur off the top of the cliff. Flops back. Your voice echoes through the chamber and you hear the sound of footsteps upstairs increase in speed and intensity. Oh, boy. Jack, it's your turn.

You hear red call out to you from his trough. That's trough. So what's Kralath doing right now? Kralov has a dark look in his eyes. All right. We're going to get you out of here, but you're going to need to hide for a moment. You're talking to the family. To the family, yeah.

Yeah. And I'm going to close my eyes and as Kieran fly up and see what's going on 30 feet above us. That's a great idea through one of the holes. Great idea. That's my action. You send your tressum up into the next room. Yeah. I mean, we need to know what's going on up there.

Cool plan. Kieran sees many things. Yeah. Uh-huh. So Kieran gets up, flies through the room, this like, Stinking pig room up through this 20-foot diameter hole, criss-crossed with the latticework of wood, shoots up through the ceiling and lands on the floor in this room

and takes a good look around. Okay. Yeah, and so I think my, I've lost in my senses, I'm riding Kieran's back. I want to, like, experience it through their eyes. Kieran perches on the edge of this hole and observes a feasting hall. They see eight huge, giant-sized tables laden with food in state of rot and disarray.

Food is just caked all over the floor. There are a ton of rats here. What are they doing? Kieran sees six giants in this room. See, holy shit. the largest of which by far must be chief guh she is sitting at the west end of this hall slumped atop a four-wheeled flatbed wagon bending and creaking under her great bulk she's clutching a half-eaten goat to her as well as a shell in one of her arm folds she is monstrously overlaughts overweight. She must weigh more than 20,000 pounds. Whoa. Whoa. That's a lot.

Yeah, dude. She's straight up. The biggest living creature, Kieran has ever seen. Would levitate work on her? Kieran also sees this walkway lining the perimeter of this room, atop which there are goblins perched. And as Kieran just looks around at all of this, an arrow sings out of the side of the room at them. Oh. These goblins are so alert, ready for anything right now. All right then.

16 to hit. That will hit. Oh. Bye, Kieran. Goodbye. Goodbye. Good boy. That's what it sounds like every time a familiar is lost.

Avi, the same good night. Five piercing damage. Oh, they've got five hit points exactly. Every time a bell rings, a familiar tressum loses its wings. Disapparated by an arrow. Pyrin gets straight up skewered by an arrow and then poofs out of... Oh. I love the image of her, like, falling back into the hole and, like, disappearing as she falls.

Yeah. So... The average Asian elephant weighs 4,000 kilograms. Two and a half Asian elephants. That's ridiculous. Oh, maybe we should take out the... support beams. Maybe that was a good play. Yeah, so that's what you see. Jeez, Louise. As far as tone goes, guys, this is pretty fucking dire. Yeah. Like we had Galvin get killed. Now Kieran is down.

Yeah. We've got the barbarian who's running out. Like, this is almost like a slasher movie, like, stir, stir preparing your next, your next character. Uh, okay, Jack, that was your turn. Yeah. Okay, we got a giant turn. How lucky. Stomping, stomping, stomping, and walk. Walking and stomping on you. You. Joe's like basking in heaven. She's like, I've got all the power. But little does she know, there's a little tiny foxy character with a stinging pointy

thing. We have a nuke. Beeb. Nook the place. So this giant moves, and you don't know what happens. It's our barbarian friend's turn. He's just going to go and recover as many javelins as he can fucking carry from all of the bug bear corpses.

Perfect. And that's his turn. How many does he obtain? He gets 12. Okay. Doran, what do you do? I wonder if he'll give me one or two. Yeah, of course.

How many do you want? Give me 12, 4. Yeah, definitely. So he goes, he does a javelin hunt, and then he drops some off at your front door. Noisily. Thank you. Doran, what do you do now?

I'm torn, guys. Red is over there in one of those pig feeder things, and it sounds like there's a giant in that next room, and it's kind of scaring me if he's hiding from it. I don't know. What do you think, Jack? Cray, Creleth, what do we do about the woman? I can blow open that far wall.

With the water pushing behind it, I bet it's ready to go. Oh, my God, Judge. If we escape now, we bring these captives back to Goldenfields, we can tell Goldenfields where the hill giants are, maybe bring some reinforcements back with us. I guess, you know what? If this is what we're going to do, I guess Doran's going to start moving towards what would be the exit. And maybe I motion towards the family.

I wave my hand. Come with me. We're going to get out of here. We can have them act on your turn. Doran plus family. So Doran, you take this family with you and you travel south, right? You're going to go out the south of this cavern through a hole that will soon be blown in this damn wall. that's the plan

I think the family might have some trouble moving over That's okay because I'm just leading the way I'm trying to kind of like guide them right They can be trailing behind Because there's obviously no enemies In close proximity Not that you know of That I know of

Kralath it's your turn what do you do So it's you and the barbarian And Jack in this prison room still with the duchess in a cage. Kralov sees Doren take the kids away, and he looks to Jack, and he looks to this Uthgar barbarian.

He says, Go on. I'll be right behind you. Okay. Gryhark is going to follow. Doren. I think I like where this is going, Krayloch. It's such a Doren thing to say.

Somebody's going to lose their head. I'm into it. Redd, you hear a voice inside your head. It sounds slippery. It sounds sharp. Uh-oh. It speaks a terrifying language you don't understand just to you. Thank God I don't understand it.

Ew, get out of my brain. Like that. Okay. Gross. It's your turn now. Thank God. I was like, please don't make me do a saving throw. No, you just hear something communicate with you.

I mean, I have to defer because I don't technically know what you guys are doing. Okay. Can I drop an initiative behind Jack? Yeah. You know, when you're really little and you're playing hide and seek and you can like hear the blood in your ears and you can hear people get closer to your hiding place and you're just waiting. Yeah. You're just waiting. It's like that.

I do know. Waiting for something to hide me. Waiting for something to happen. Except the thing that's finding me is this horrendous, horrific giant. You're playing hide and seek with a giant. and the terrifying tri-pedal monster. Jack, what do you do? Jack is going to start following Doren and the family

and trying to get into position where he can see and get in fireball range of the southern part of the dam where that river's flowing through the wall. Okay. So where are you going in this big room? So I'm trying to get to a spot just sort of behind one of the pillars,

taking a little bit of shelter from that western door and with a good clear view down the river like straight shot bowling towards the... Okay, so you want to be like a third of the way towards the northern wall and two thirds of the way from the southern wall. Yeah, I sort of run by, I give Kralath like a put my hand against his shoulder as I walk by and then I go to catch up with Doran and his family. And I might shout, Red, give us some cover. Red, you hear the murmuring of your friends moving into this large room. They don't see you.

Yeah. Do you want to move back to now or do you want to wait? Yeah, I'll pop up from the muck. And I'll look around and I'll see Jack moving towards the river and the barbarian and all the kids sort of running. And there's really no other explanation other than they must be retreating because why on earth would the kids be like running in the same direction as Jack along with Doran, along with everybody? So while he may not know the end result of this plan, Red is going to hop out and he's going to move as far as he can to the direction that they're heading. Yeah. So where do you end up?

Yeah, I'll move 60 feet towards the general direction that Jack was heading. Oh, it's such a big room. Okay, so you all see this blood-stained giant come barreling out of the Western room, holding a great club now and an axe as well in either hand. And he roars. You're taking our pigs? He, like, doesn't get it. He's pretty excited about murdering all of you.

And that's what he does. It's our barbarians turn, Gryhark. He's going to pick up a kid. Yeah. And he starts running. Hoist him. Want to leave with a present. No.

No. It's like a spin-off where he's got a little adopted child. And it's like, Greyhawk and Anthony. And they're like running through the fields. He's like teaching Anthony how to hunt. So they end up. Can I go home? Midway through the room by the river.

And he's just like carrying this kid. And the mom's like, Anthony, but, you know, the kid's like laughing on the back of this barbarian whose intestines are still kind of spilling out of his gut.

All right, Doran and family. What do you do? Doran watches the barbarian run by with a kid. Daddy, daddy. They're not for eating, he says.

And avoid the holes in the floor above you. Yeah. I yell quite obviously now. I think Red can hear us at this point. I still don't know what's happening,

but I'm running. I'm in, to it. I'm like excited. Red's like, okay. Because he's seen what's up. He doesn't know what's up, but he knows what's up. The family comes with you. Kraloth, it's your turn. So you're staying behind. Kralath looks at this woman who's standing there defiantly before him, clutching onto his holy symbol. She's like thief. He sheathes his mace and doesn't really pay too much attention to what she says. And he says, Kellemvor, I know what I'm about to do is going to shift the balance.

But I'm not going to risk my friends. I keep in her on this plane. You think you're so brave, taking care of me, defenseless woman in a cage. You're a coward. Kellemvor, I guide my hand. and behind her, my scythe appears and swipes to cut her down. She collapses to the floor.

And with a grim countenance that hasn't been on his face ever since he met these people, he looks down, he dismisses his weapon, and begins to sprint towards the exit. Krala, you get inspiration, my friend. So good. Yeah.

That's a tough call to make. Very tough call, and who knows if he made the right one? It's a heavy moral decision. Yeah. Everyone sees this monster emerge hot on the heels of this giant. This beige-colored, fleshy creature, tentacles tipped with spines waving. Doran just exclaims, I see why you hid red. Jack, it's your turn.

Jack makes the rest of the 60 feet to the spot where he's got his shot lined up but is out of breath winded waiting for a moment to get there. You get to the river's edge surrounded by pigs. Yeah, edge of the river looking down, pulls out his orb and is like lining up his shot. Cool. Red, it's your turn. I'm going to run up to the water's edge closest to the southern hole where all the water's pooling and pouring out. I'm going to get a little bit of cover there

trying to hide my view partially from the giant and that weird looking creature. And you know what? I'm going to use my feel and agility to move 60 feet, which still gives me my action, and I might as well turn around and shoot an arrow or two off at that little weird dog-looking thing.

You read my mind. You read my mind. Red your mind? Red-handed robin your mind. Yada, yada, yada. Our cast Hunter's mark is a bonus action. Why not? Maybe I can kill it before we get out of this place.

Here we go. Oh, no. That is a miss. Oh. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and I'll tack again. Twelve? No.

No, I miss both shots. Damn. And I, you know, just tuck away back like I was. I'm not hidden, but I'm sort of obscured. The arrows clatter off of the slope that these two monsters stand on top of. I'm just doing covering fire. I wasn't trying to hit, I swear. I looked nervously towards the barbarian

who's like, looking to be like, this isn't what I do. Don't look at me. Warning shot, warning shot. After you slayed like eight. So the giant just like runs down the steep slope. Oh my God.

Picks up a pig and throws it at you, Doren. Oh, shit. So this is how we're doing it now, eh? Who wants to be? 12 misses. Well, it's a pig. What do you expect? They don't fly.

That's it. That's all he does. He throws a pig at you and he misses with the pig. It's the barbarian's turn. He's just going to hold Anthony in his strong arms and race down the riverbank down south towards where you're standing red. Okay, so Doran. Doran continues to run south and, you know, peering to his right, he sees this giant storming, towards him and this freaking crazy creature, he exclaims to Jack, you better know what you're

doing, Jack. I got my shot. Get towards the end. Better work. Okay. Kralath, blood of the innocent on your hands. Thanks for that. Not innocent.

Oh, don't throw that around. I mean, she's not innocent, but our motivations for killing her are kind of fucked. Yeah, that's fair. There's a bit of a fucked upness about this. Oh, yeah. It's a very selfish motivation. What do, Krayloth? Rayloth runs.

Good. It's like that very short Bible verse. Jesus wept. Crayloth got all these emotions, but Crayloth runs. Crayloth runs. Crayloth runs 60 feet out of the room with the cages and towards the fence along, towards the east. Nice.

That's got to be tough terrain there. There's pigs and shit. Don't do this. Don't start. Because then we're going to have to be. Yeah, how many pigs did you have to shoulder your way past? I'm just a joke. Good point.

You know what? She'll do it. This monster slurps its way down the hill at you, schlurpingly. It's slurping after us. Red. The pigs part to allow it safe passage. I'm going to control my pigs. Pigs attack it.

The pig whisperer. The pigs start to combine into one super pig. A mech warrior. pig. A pig warrior. I climb in the top. He just fires other pigs on it. Dunc, dunk, dunk, dunk, dung. Redd, your psyche is assaulted again.

This time by images. You see images of this hill giant butcher dismembering pigs and you see shot after shot of this giant doing terrible

things and like enjoying it to these pig carcass So that imagery dances through Red's mind. And it's not that that makes him stop and sort of feel terror. But what it does is it triggers that little image of the infernal puzzle box that's been burned into his cornea. It incites that. And for a moment, these images are flashing through his brain. He's like, oh, oh, and then that hits. And he just, the wind gets sucked from his lungs as he sees it. And instinctively, he's He shoots his head to the right and he sees Jack. And at the same moment, Jack has the exact same feeling because they're linked. It's not just the puzzle box has burned itself into them. It's done it together at the same time. So not only does Red feel the wind get sucked from his lungs,

but for a moment, Jack does, without even understanding why, has that same feeling. I love the idea of there's just a, you look north along the river to him. There's that flash of that image in Jack's eye, like just a bright spot. you're looking at a cat at night. You just see that like burned. And you're looking at me too. Like we both like no matter what's happening, we're both like, whoa, and we're like, oh shit.

Jack, what do you do? I point my finger down river and a bright streak flashes and a ball of flame blossoms from the end there with an explosion, explosive roar of flames and fire. And I hopefully demolish that wall. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. Yeah, roll damage.

I mean, you don't have to roll to hit the walls. not going to evade you. Dodge. It's going to evade me. 36 fire damage to that wall. Fuck it. Yeah.

You blow a fucking hole right in the side. Yeah. Front hog. Mud and logs explode outwards in this shower of fire and water just

hisses and evaporates from the intense heat and then just starts spears. Uing out down over the head side. Prison break! What? You've made like a pretty decent size hole.

I would say like a 10 foot wide hole. Is it pig to red-sized? Picture it being like the death star when it obliterates Alderon. It's like, I shout as loud as I can in Giant. I'm the biggest and baddest one here. You come after me and I start running north towards Craylon.

I am not saying this jokingly. You're so brave for doing that. You got to, there's fucking children down that way. Just got to get these monsters away from them. I know. Sweet brave boy. And I turn back to the children while right after that thing exposed, I say, that's my friend. Red, it's your turn.

I shake the image of the infernal puzzle box from my psyche. And with this open, I'm going to just provide cover while the children move past me, I suppose. Cool. I will attack the bizarre-looking creature that's been sort of on me. natural 20 nicely done and on a critical hit you roll twice I rolled max damage on two

of my dive nice that was beautiful I'm going to count very good Alex crunching the numbers 33 damage awesome that's pretty good and I will attack again

do so did you roll twice for that oh no seven yeah that misses And I'll go right next to the hole in the water. How deep is the water? It's like five feet deep. I mean, it's like pretty quickly draining, but right now that's how deep it is.

Yeah. More current. I mean, oh, I guess all those kids could just jump in the water, couldn't they? When they're dead? And just like that let the river take, I mean, when it's their turn. I'm going to go across the river and I'm going to head down to the other side of the doorway to hopefully provide some last bit of firing if anybody needs it. Jack, you look across the river after your son.

successful fireball. Just in time to see two hill giants emerge from the eastern corridor, the one that you guys had first used to enter this underground cavern. Oh, two. What the hell? Two of them. Each of them pick up rocks to throw at you, Jack. Meanies throwing rocks.

They're so mean. Mean. Natural one. Oh, nice. and the other one comes crashing in at a 26. So the first one's going to miss and the second one is going to catch me square in the ribs yikes, winding me, I'm sure, at best.

Let's see how much damage it does, guys. Uh-oh. Yikes. Oh, boy. Boy, oh, boy. 25 damage. Ah, rigged. The other giant gets up right behind this family

that's running for the hills and starts swiping at them with the great club. 18 to hit, and the giant hits the father, unfortunately. Oh, no. And kills him. Oh, God damn. Yeah. Attacks again with a natural 19, so that's 27 to hit the mother.

Jesus Christ. And, I mean, that's 15 damage, so. So only the kid is left. Only the kid is left and running. With Doran. Yeah, the sisters. name is Elizabeth. Elizabeth and Anthony.

That's right. Kids, you're orphan. Sorry, guys, but that's D&D for you. That's life, man. Sometimes you get squished by a giant club. I mean, they were in the cages to be eaten, so we at least gave them a fighting chance. The barbarian is going to drop the child by the water

and run back over to where the giant is and interpose himself in front of the little girl. And he's going to try to stab at him with a javelin, Because that's what barbarians do. And misses him. No. Well done, Barbary. Well done.

So now it is the orcs turn. What? Orcs? Yes. Orcs. Coming in through the main wooden double doors, they get pushed open, creak. Five orcs march. They've got their great axes out and they take the lay of the land so everyone sees them enter

the battlefield. Axes. All right, Doren and Elizabeth. Doran pivots on his spot. He sees the giant smash this kid's parents to oblivion and tells the kid, get going. Immediately runs up, axe out. Nice. Roll the hit.

Because that's going to be the way to get these people out of there. And he's going to try and hit with a 13. Yeah, that hits. Oh, wow. I'm actually surprised. Beautiful. Two. Okay.

Okay, 13 damage. Nice. And I'm going to swing and attack again. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you slashed him with your axe. With a 21 to hit. Mm-hmm. Eight damage.

But I'm going to use my action search. All right. And... Really taking it personally. I like this. 22. Mm-hmm. Nice.

Nine damage. Yep. And takes two heavy swipes against the shins of this giant. Slashing each time cutting off pieces of flesh like it were a Christmas turkey and exposing the shin bones and ankle bones of this giant

I would be Doran if the description wasn't gross I don't know what I was expected I love it. It's always got to be gross. Yeah, the giant screams in agony. It's still good, it's great club in its hand so the little girl uses her action to disengage so that he doesn't get an attack of opportunity So she like deeks around and he's like swinging at her

And trying to kill this little girl And she just dodges out from in between his legs She shoots you a smile Doran through the tears And then she runs up to her brother Grabbs him around the middle And then both of them She just like throws them into the water And they start floating downstream

And in that glance Doren glances back blood splashing through his smile That girl's so fucking badass Run away little child run away All right, Kralath, what do you do? Live a long and prosperous life. Kraylath, get to Galvin. I can get us out of here. You're going to be okay.

I'm meeting you there. So Kralov hops the fence and he runs towards Galvin's body and how quickly can you get us out of here, Jack? Instantaneously. Get as close to that waterfall as you can. We're going to blow this place up and get a good flow in here. As close to the waterfall? Yep, get right up on it. I'll be right there. I'm right behind you. Well, next is a weird slimy monster with tentacles. That's a Doran problem.

Doran, as you make this super brave stand. Known as the Doran problem. Doran, as you make this super brave stand against this butcher, hill giant, this creature just slides up behind you and you see it, you turn around

and it's just, it's terrifying. It's big. It's like bigger than a horse. Dorn goes, oh! It's a war-sized. Oh, my God. What are the actual fuck? I mean, it's going to hit you

with a tent. Tenticle, or it's going to try to hit you with a tentacle. 17 to hit? Uh, no. Yes. Ah, so it misses you. Okay. Well, there you go.

One of the bit slimy tentacles whipped by me and slaps on the ground. Like a pool noodle in a pool. That's exactly right. Pop. Jack, what do you do? Jack dashes 30 feet towards the waterfall, grabs a hold of Kralath who's holding on to the body of Galvin Dragon Moor. And then Jack explodes in a thunderous shaking roar

and rematerializes 300 feet to the south, outside of the dam proper, just where all the water is spilling out the hole that his fireball had opened, looking up waiting to catch the kids as they flow out. Amazing. Yeah, you just see red up at the top of the dam through the hole. Let's go.

Right, it's your turn. What do you do? Can I quickly do an insight just to see which of these creatures might be more damaged? With a natural 20! Whoa! It's a close race. I will take two quick shots at that squiggly monster creature. Because I think I still have Hunter's mark on it.

With a natural one. For shame. Get that dye out of here. This was Christopher Ryan Evans. Christopher, get rid of it. You have served me well these past five or so episodes. But I think, my friend, this purply dye is going to be officially shamed and sent to you as our great old one Patreon supporter.

That's right. Because you have supported us on Patreon, this dye is now being shipped and sent off to you. Goodbye, friend. Or shame, may it do for you better than it did for us. Yes.

And I'm going to open a brand new set of dye. Ooh, what color are you looking at? Listen to the red. These are black and red. Nice. They're very gorgeous. I'm very excited. And I'm going to pull this out

for my second attack against this creature. Here we go. I'm going to name this one Saucy. Sossy. I like it. That's a saucy name. Come on, Sassy.

I like it like that. Some sauce on this one. 17. Not bad, saucy. Yeah, that hits. 23 damage. Grisplot. Good stuff.

Slather that sauce. Well done, saucy. And with the remainder of my turn, I am going to hop into the water next to me and let the water take me down. Just float gently downstream. Okay, it's the Giants' turns.

The one that's beside Doran and Gryhark is going to take a swing at Gryhark with its club. That's a natural 17, so that it hits easily. Oh, no. And kills him. No! Oh, Gryhark. Greyhawk. Whatever your name was, you will be remembered.

Dead. You were good to us. The Hill Giant is going to attack Doren. But of course. Hang in there, buddy. that's a 15 to hit so that misses you it does doran just lifts his shield and the club clanks off of it the other two hill giants at the top of the room the northeast entrance are going to enter and they're coming on down da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da come on giants fighting giants giants giants oh it's the orcs turns oh yeah you go might be on a rescue mission soon or a burial mission so there are five orcs they all have

their great axes drawn and they're all just going to haul ass down the ramp hopefully they're not good drawers door it's just making he's cracking jokes here making puns he's dying surrounded by enemies that that seems kind of dorin yeah he loves battle so much the kids float downstream and out of the dam. Doren, you are alone now. All of your friends have left. You have three giants, a slurpy monster, and five orcs in the room with you. What do you do? Hello? Is it you I'm looking for? You got this, Doran. What if this is the final resting place of Dorian? No way. Get in the water. Dorn. Yeah. Does a running cannonball. Well, first, I want to see if these.

Giants are going to attack you, right? So the giant, nope, fucking swings his great club at you as you run away from him and just nothing but air. I turn and duck as his club misses my head. That's an 18 to hit you with a bite. Actually, my armor class is a 19. Yeah. So he misses you.

His teeth flang against your shield as you fucking peeve, out of this. This place. Cannonball into the water. Criplunk. And I float downstream. As a final giant minor illusion, just shouting in giant, I just create Moog's army just bellows out here just to try and throw them off pace a little bit. So as Doran comes tumbling out of the hole in this giant dam, just on the heels of the two surviving children farmers, the nightstone four put this place at your back. Run away! Run away! Sometimes retreat is the only option and I feel okay about it. Thank you to our great old one Patreon supporters, Adam Frey, Kellan Holman and Christopher Ryan Evans for supporting us in this crazy adventure.

Lots more to come, lots more blood to be shed and lots more fights to run away from. See you soon. I think we should, I think we should all do our best pig sounds to kind of give Justin some sounds later. More, more, guys. Come on, come on. I'm a pig. I'm a pig name song. Very good. And this will make a really great song.

That's all I'm going to use it for. Thank you.