Dice Shame - 47 | 'Hill to Die On'

Episode Date: September 3, 2020

Death comes to Grudd Haug as the party enters the stronghold... Comedy, action and a whole lot of shaming come together in Dice Shame, an Actual Play Podcast of Storm King's Thunder by Wizards of the Coast! Join our GM Jo; her partner Harlan, his brother Alex & their best friends Justin and Rob as they tackle the daunting world of Faerun in this legendary adventure module! Dice Shame is a podcast that welcomes its audience to the gaming table. Like the games they play at home, they try not to take themselves too seriously. The show aims to be entertaining, inclusive, and irreverent, while still taking the rules (somewhat) seriously. Join us every Thursday morning for brand new episodes available on all major platforms including; Spotify, iTunes, Google Play and more! If you haven't checked it out yet... what are you waiting for?!? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There are eight orcs piled all around you. When did this become such a party? Scree! Scree! To the yoga! Scree! Because he screed along. It's a very red thing to do. Holy shit.

I am not looking good. For real? Oh, boy. Why don't you pick on someone your own size? Are you all in? Damn straight, buddy! Right behind you. The Nightstone four on three.

This javelin just slices through your neck. Oh, I'm down. I'm really debating how much value I put on Doren's hit points right now. No! Hello! Welcome back to Dyshame, Episode 47, Hill to Die on. This week's MVP is our new fan and friend, Andy Fancher. Woo! Welcome to the brood, Andy. Are you looking for another hit podcast to check out?

There are lots. In other news, have you told anyone to this? that you love them? Have you told anyone recently at all? Do us a favor and let the people in your life know how you feel about them. Take a moment and send some positive feelings to a few people just because you can't. Are we ready to do this? Yeah, let's do it. Let's go. So I visited Harlan at Chronicle Brewery. Nice. I went yesterday. I wanted to do a little bit of prep work for our game today, and I wanted to have a beer alongside it, and I did a really smart thing. Well, okay, so I should back up. All of the best stories start with. I had a beer and did a

really smart thing. So I got wasted. Well, they have like social distancing seating outside where they've blocked off part of the parking lot, and they've put out picnic tables. So you don't actually have to go inside the bar at all. They've got like a little drive-through window type thing on the side of the building. So you just holler inside what kind of beer you want and they sling a pint glass at the window at you. Nice. We throw it. They just throw it at you and you either dodge or catch depending on how well you roll. You pay either way. And so I ordered Uber Eats driver to come and visit me in the parking lot and dropped off like nachos and deep fried pickles. Oh nice. That is a smart thing. The way you said that, it sounded like you like knew the driver and you're like, hey, come and visit me. I'm

I'm here. I just texted Jeremy, the Uber driver. Does anybody else know an Uber eats driver? I do. I got connections. Sit with me. So what do you guys like to eat when you go and sit at a bar when it's not the middle of a pandemic?

Bar food? Yeah, what's your favorite bar food? I mean, nachos are great. Right? I've been craving some wings. Yeah, I was going to say wings are great, but that to me is like... I've been leaning the alternative to wings, the like the buffalo cauliflower kind of bite things.

I've been leaning into those hard recently. or I was before the pandemic. They're very tasty. I love a mozzarella stick. Oh, yeah. With a good marinera sauce. And it's like all stringy and shit. I usually get that starter,

a taster. A appetizer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of them on it. I mean, come on, no, though. A pretzel. Just a giant. Now, pretzels are delicious as well.

Let's talk pretzels. Pretzels are my favorite thing ever, okay? I remember one time actually going to a monster truck rally with Alex. And, like, getting up three times to get pretzels. I just kept being like, I'm going to go get a pretzel. And I also remember going to the ball game with Joe. I was just going to say we went to the ball game together. This was probably a year and a half ago.

And then Joe. They didn't have any containers for mustard so that for you to take mustard away. She wanted mustard. So she put it in the paper bag. She had a bag of mustard, like just squeezed and squeezed and squeezed. Like half a cup of mustard in a loose paper bag. It worked. I love mustard.

It did what it needed to do. They got you the mustard that you wanted. So soft pretzels are near and dear to my heart. The thing is, though, and I was thinking this when you mentioned bar food, I wonder what the, you know, Phaerunian equivalent of Barfood would be. And then I was like, they wouldn't really have anything similar except I could see them having pretzels. Pretzels do. That does kind of make sense in a weird way because, you know, they're so, there's such an old style food, you know, like especially that European. Rock salt imported from the trackless sea.

For real, though, I could totally see... I mean, I could see chicken wings, too. I could see, like, here's all the crappy scraps we cut off this bird. Nobody's eating anyways. We'll throw them on a pan and put them in the oven where we used to bake bread and put some sauce on there and fucking serve this crispy shit to these drunk pools. Well, that's the thing. I think, to me, chicken wings are so synonymous with being deep fried, whereas I could see them

doing, like, roast chicken, but that's so similar to, like... So, I mean, the prototypical chicken wing I can never go back to is the one my grandmother used to make in the oven that had this really interesting, sticky, sweet sauce on it. And that's the, like, one I had as a kid that was roasted and fucking amazing. And so I've long known a roasted chicken wing can be just as good as a deep fried one for that snack food kind of moment. You can see a tavern. Oh, I'm in no way speaking disparagingly about quality, more so like my mindset of bar food.

Yeah. I'm thinking bar food-wise, everyone goes typically to what bars serve as chicken food. For sure. You got me thinking about chicken wings now. Damn it. Yeah, but maybe there are bars that have mages that can cast create food or water, and they create the deep fried aspect around. It's just like, oh, that's some bullshit.

I love it. Magical bar food. It's like, have you tried this breading? It's magical. That's where Jack quits everything and goes to work in the bar with Torin. You can't remember your own boyfriend's name. Wait a second. It's been a long adventure.

I mean, if they have chicken wings, you know they have a super hot chicken. Oh, no. The hot sauces. Like magically enhanced. Oh, yeah. You know, there's like some in water deep. I'm sure there's some bar that does like the hottest wing challenge.

It's like made by a Tifling. Presta digitation suicide wings. Dragonborn, fire breath. For real though, yeah. Presto digicide with green dragon blood. Presti digicide. Oh my God. We got to open up a D&D themed bar.

Oh, boy. a hot sauce flavor called fire breath. Let's do it. Yeah. And it comes with a big cardboard cut out of flames, and you put it up to your mouth. That's a great idea, Alex. TM, TM, TM, TM.

Speaking of flames and fire and spicy chicken wings, we're at Gretthog. I think we're like to go into the kitchen of Gretthog. I hope it's just as tasty as what we've described. Let's get back to. it. All right.

Yes. Enough for this bullshit. Good idea. Fuck yeah. So you guys are standing on the western side of Grudhog at the base of the watchtower. You're on a wooden plank ramp that leads up to what you now know is a kitchen based on Kieran's reconnaissance. You're in front of a red leather curtain that separates you from the inside of this room.

And you know that there are some orcs inside. What are you going to do? Are we still in the same initiative order? We are, yeah, so it's top of the round. Doran's turn. So Doran runs up this plank ramp, and he gets to the curtain, this big, thick leather curtain,

and he's about to pull it aside when he turns back to his three companions. Now's the time where we're going to make this count. We're going to keep them on the move, and we're going to slaughter the whole of them. And he lifts his axe. And he says, come on, are you all in? Damn straight.

buddy right behind you the nightstone four on three and so with that he reaches forward and pulls the curtain to the side just enough and he begins to move in if he doesn't see anything in the way there's no one directly in your way but you do see that there is a crowd of people ready to fight you from the edge of the curtain probably clustered between 45 and 60 feet away from you there's eight or ten orcs I picked Like as I pull the curtain back, you know, it's bright outside sunny, but like inside with these heavy leather curtains, there's not a lot of light. And it's probably really dark and musty with all the pigs in the basement. Yeah. You see some giant sized furniture as you peek in some tables atop which there's dirty pots, leftover food that it's just like moving with maggots. Oh, gross. There's a crackling fireplace in the middle of this huge, room that is clearly full of fire.

Oh, wow. It's emitting a smell and heat. There's a lot of soot on the ground is oily with fat from whatever was being roasted there. And there's an ogre in the far corner of the room who's making his way towards you. And they've all, like, seen us. They're all making their way towards us. Yeah, yeah. You guys are not sneaking.

So they definitely know we're here, I guess. Yep. So with that, I kind of look back and dive into the room ready for bad. I make an entrance. Oh, shit. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And maybe as I enter, I clang my axe against my shield. And I say, let's do this, cling.

Cool. So you move into the room. Mm-hmm. I would have preferred trying to stay back. Doran's top of the round. Can't do it. I figure we'll step inside this room. Ring the dinner bell.

The plan then is to go in there and just slaughter them. Good plan. I think so. Yeah. Yeah, I'm way at the end here. So I'm recalculating my options as we go down. I do start moving towards them, so. You push the curtain aside so that we can see?

Yeah, yeah. Do you want to take an action or you just want to hang out? I can't move that far. So I'm going to ready an action for... Do you have a javelin? I do. I like the way you're thinking. I'm just going to throw this javelin.

12. No, you miss. Your javelin flies wide. So I throw this javelin. It's just like, it doesn't even go very far. It's like, clang bling. Drops another javelin. Doran.

You see a swing through the curtains all epic. We got this. I do kind of like the image, though, of that javelin clang on the ground and this ogre charges towards him. Well, that's the thing. The ogre just like elbows his way through the crowd of orcs that come up to his waist or so. Pick the javelin up off the floor and then whips it back at you, Doran. Oh.

One of the disadvantages of throwing a javelin? Yeah, I guess. Oh, no. That's a 24 to hit you. Oh, fuck, it hits. Jesus. That's hilarious. Doran, don't look at this as getting wounded.

Look at it like you've got a new weapon. That's right. In your thigh. I get my javelin back. Playing catch with the ogres. That's right. 11 piercing damage. Red, it's your turn.

Red enters behind Doran and heads north. I forgot about Red's voice. I don't know. To the back wall. All right, Doran, let's do it, buddy. And I'm going to head to the north. north, so my back is to... You said there was a curtain to the north of this room as well.

Yes, so there's a curtain that's like adjacent and perpendicular to the one that you came in that leads out to the docks. Wonderful. I'm going to attack this ogre, so without my penalty right now. You would. Oh yeah, that is a 26 to hit. Yeah, that hits.

Nicely done, red. That's 14 damage. And I'm going to attack again, and I'm going to use my inspiration to roll twice on this one, take the higher, and I'm also going to use my Colossus Slayer on this one, with a sharp shooter penalty. 16 to hit?

Yes. Nice. Nice. Your arrow punches through his hand. Oh, yeah. Cool. I want this to kill him. That'll be 30 damage. That's good. Good job. Shit. I mean, he's more than bloody. Did you want to do anything with your hawk? Yes, and my blood hawk, uh, scree will come in. Scree! To the yoga!

Scree! Because he's creed a lot. It's a very red thing to do. Every episode he's going to have a different name. Yeah, as I say, every single time he calls him. Every 1.3 minutes. Get him, Scree! He attacks the ogre? Yeah, Scree is going to fly in.

He's going to attack D.Oger. He's so good at flying. He can move 60 feet, so he can get right up to it. Great, yeah. He flies in through the open curtain into this dark room. He says that. And he is going to... Yeah, just attack.

Great. With his talons. 18. Oh, yeah. Way to go, Bloodhawk. Scree. And that is 11 damage. Wow.

Holy shit. That's javelin level damage. How do you feel about your hawk killing this ogre? Yes. What? As Scree sails in, his talons out, he goes right for the eyes and just like beats his sharp talon into the ogre's face as just the eyes start popping and blood pours down. And the hawk just.

sort of continues flying around the dead body of the ogre for a moment. He falls heavily to the ground. Well done, scree! I did not expect that. I could honestly say I am so impressed. What in the fuck? That's the best bird I've ever seen.

The best bird that you've ever seen. MVP. Don't run to those fucking javelin and this bird comes in and kills an ogre. Bloodhawk frenzy right now. Just kill as much as it can. All right, good turn. Krayloth, what happens next? So Krayloth is going to run into the room, and he's going to run behind Doren, and he's going to reach out with a hand and light encapsules the ground around Doren.

And I'm going to cast Sanctuary. Oh. You word a creature within range against attack until the spell ends any creature who targets the worded creature with an attack or harmful spell must first make a wisdom saving throw. So I'm going to do this. this is a bonus action, and then I'm going to hold out my shield, and I'm going to use a little bit of, I don't know, thomiturgy to make it sparkle and look like a really good target. And I'm going to use Dodge as my action.

Cool. So you've cast sanctuary on Doren, which means he can't attack either, right? If he does, the spell ends. There you go. But there's a whole turn between. And you're trying to make yourself an appealing target. Exactly. luckily all of these orcs are interested more so in engaging with your friends who are kind of towards the front of things okay oh the orcs are moving right up into my face y'all yeah they absolutely i got the yoga you guys get everything else does scree get an attack of opportunity as they enter and leave its space yeah so scree is pretty much right in the middle of this corridor between the kitchen area and this entryway where the three of you are piling up i would say that

He certainly gets to use one reaction to... Let's do it. He'll do it on the biggest guy. The big boy? So as the war chief runs by heedlessly. Fucking Scree kills the war chief too. No. Scree, who's still bathing in the blood of the ogre, only gets nine for his...

Oh, come on. Scree. Scree, get your head in the game. Scree like looks towards Jack, and he's like, grr. Scree. Turns on us. Calm yourself. Scree does not take any shit from anybody.

he certainly does not and red like just gives him all the compliments that's the only reason he listens to red because red's like you're amazing dorin ends up with four orcs directly beside him so the war chief is just to your right and then there are three other orcs right in front of you when did this become such a party the war chief is going to use battle cry so he's going to throw his head back and scream You see the bloodlust grow in all of these orcs' eyes as they hear the call of their captain and are enervated. That means they all get to attack you with advantage. Oof. Oh, no. Okay, but they have to do a wisdom saving throw first. Yes. True enough.

Nice. All right. First wisdom save. 17. That hits. 20. What the fuck. That hits.

15. Oh. That hits. These are some wise orcs. This is a 16. Hits. An 18. Hits.

Come on. And a 13. Oh, it misses. My strategy is sound. The last guy flinches. So that one can attack me. Doran's going to get murdered by some orcs. For real, though.

How many hit points do you have, Doran? 26. For real? Oh, no. I am not looking good. Oh, boy. Here we go. Oh, I rolled a one and a four on my first hit, so that's nine to hit you.

Miss. Then we have a one. have a 23. Okay, that hits. And a 19. Yeah, that hits. Okay, so that's two hits with a great axe. These orcs are just surrounding you, chopping at you violently.

Jesus. Did you prep revivify? So first hit is nine slashing damage. The second hit is 13 slashing damage. Okay. And now the other two, they're going to throw javelins at you. 15. Miss.

23. Ooh, I hits. Okay, so you take another six piercing damage. Doren is unconscious. Oh, no. This javelin just slices through your neck, finds an artery, and you start to lose a lot of blood. You get dizzy and you fall. I'm like pushed into the ground.

The other orc aims a javelin at Kraloff now that Doren falls. So that's the 13, misses you. Yeah. All right, Jack, Kieran, it's your turn. Oh, boy. So this curtain, is it blocking my vision, or do we push it all the way aside and it stayed? I think it's been sort of moved to the side. There's probably like a five to ten foot space where you can see through into the darkness,

into the horde of orcs surrounding your friend. Yeah. Oh, fuck. What if you just fireballed Doran? He would die. And your bloodhawk and Kralath. And, yeah, I don't, the problem with tight quarters is that they are tight. Tight.

Right? Indeed. Jack sees the war chief standing over Doran's body with the like horde of orc stomping and chopping and, uh, you know, whispers those, those powerful arcane words on the way by to try and call that dude's soul from his body. I want to make me a wisdom save versus 15. I certainly will. 18. This purple dice has been doing so good for me. Holy balls is right Holy balls is right Harlan

Take the purple dice Take the purple And then so If it's the north Part of this curtain That's open Jack's gonna move south Just to hopefully have

The curtain Obscuring him From view from the orcs Cool So you fail to cast a spell I failed to cast a spell Yeah And Kieran is

Circling in the kitchen Is there anybody coming up from behind through the door on the east part of the kitchen wall. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. Kieran is in the southern side of this kitchen. There's a door to the east and a door to the west.

The door to the west has a bunch of those meat hooks that I was describing earlier that have like carcasses hanging on them. And there's also a hole that leads down into that butcher area where Red met the terrifying monster and the butcher giant. The doorway leading east, you would know, leads into this mess hall where Chief Gha and her cadre of monsters is hanging out and eating. Kieran is afforded a line of sight into both of these places and notices that there is an ogre approaching through the doorway.

Additionally, there are some bugbears climbing that ladder up from the pig pen. Okay. That's what's up. Doran, it's your turn. I guess all I can do right now is roll a death save. Yeah, so you roll a D20 and a 10 or higher succeeds. A one to nine fail. So it slightly favors.

19. Yes. That's one success. You have to get three of these? Yeah. Okay. It's the ogre's turn. I think it's just going to charge into the room now,

and everyone gets to see him in his ogre glory. He runs 80 feet and sees the body of the other fallen ogre with the hawk climbing all over it, pecking wildly, and sort of stops short of that body. What? Red and scree, it's your turn. Red sees Dorn go down. No, Doren! Pulls his bow out and fires at the war chief standing next to Dorn.

Okay. With sharpshooter penalty. Oh, and that is a miss. Oh, no. Come on, dice. And I'm going to attack again. Oh, man. We had so much momentum for a second.

Okay, we could do this. We could do this. All we need to do is flub a bunch of. watch these die. Rolling rocks. No one. I don't think that'll hit on you. 13.

No, sorry. No, miss again. So I miss both shots. Yeah, the War Chief looks up at you over Kralov's head, over Doren's fallen body. And as these arrows whizz towards him, he just kind of steps out of the way. Yeah. Coolly. Red sort of panic turns to Kralath and says, we should move back outside.

And he's going to turn and he's going to run back outside. I'm going to use my feline agility to. move double my movement. Are you going back the way that Jack is? Correct. Okay, so through that same western curtain. Yes. Back down the wooden planks. And I'm going to move back against that stone wall that was just leading up to the tower. Yep. Yeah, as I exit the curtain, I passed Jack and I say, we're being overwhelmed. We need to pull back and draw them. And then I'm going to have the Bloodhawk. Scree! Scree. Probably take a shot at that war chief as well. Cool. Now he has flybys. So he's going to attack and then he's going to swing outside.

Yeah, continue to draw them. Yeah, so you fly up over the heads of these orcs out of range and then you kind of dive bomb in order to attack the war chief and you can continue flying away without provoking, if you like. Exactly. Roll to hit. That is a 12. No, man.

He's got chain mail. Totally fudged it. Oh, goodness. Yeah, scree heads outside. Who are you rolling with? I'm rolling with saucy. Krayloth. it's your turn.

You are up in the shit. I'm up in the shit. You are alone now, but Doran's still there. Are you going to leave his body? Are you going to retreat? Oh, hell no. So I'm going to cast cure wounds and as a grave cleric,

I have something called Circle of Mortality. So laying my hands on Doran, I cast cure wounds as a level four. Wow. Yeah. And he's going to heal 35 hit points. Wow. Absolutely.

Back in the business. Grave cleric, motherfucker, yeah. You still have sanctuary because you haven't attacked anybody. Neat. I turned towards the war chief and say, Why don't you pick on someone your own size? And Doren's still lying on the ground right now, so he doesn't really pose a threat.

Yeah. It is the orcs turns. There we go. Yeah, so the war chief is going to step up beside you a little bit closer, Kralov, and the other orcs close in around you and Doren. They all want a piece. Of course.

Just survive till my turn. We're going to fuck this up. You got something. So the war chief is going to attack Kralov twice with his great axe, making these wild swings. Shit. 16? Misses. You rebuff him with your shield both times.

Shit, all right. They're heavy hits, too. You feel the reverberations in your forearm, but the shield is true. Yeah. And then five of the orcs attack you. as well. They're all wielding these vicious great axes. Oh, my God. It's like a buffet, or a buffet. 22.

22 hits. Oh, come on. And 20? That hits. So two hit you with these wild great axes. I don't know why they're wild. They just are. So that's 10 slashing and then eight slashing damage as two of these great axe hits get through your defenses. but overall, man, one, two, three, four, five, six. Not too bad. Six attacks and only two hits.

Wow, nice. The final orc takes a cheap shot at Doren who's lying on the ground, so he's hitting you with advantage because you're prone. He has to do a wisdom save. Oh. That's not you wary. I was just about to say. Four.

Hey, so he has to attack somebody else. Nice. Okay, so he tries to hit Doren. I just, I just can't. And then fails. He hits one of his. own ogre buddies. I'm so angry.

I rolled an 18 with a javelin, so that's going to hit you with a 23 to hit. Darn it. Yeah, so he just grabs a javelin and throws it at you, Kralov, and hits you for eight damage. I'll take it. Piers your shoulder. Okay, that is some champion tanking right there. It really is. They're surrounded.

Kieran sees another group of orcs coming from the eastern side, and then worryingly at their heels, you hear the baying of wolves. Jesus. They are running at you, and these wolves have their noses pressed into the smell of you. They're coming. They're hunting you. Jack, it's your turn.

All right. Let's give them something giant-sized. Jack says, and peeks back around so he can see Doran and extends a handout, and Doran starts to grow big. Cool. Like not just a little bit until, Doren is like 30 feet tall. Holy shit.

And mostly kind of ape-shaped, but also Doreenie in every aspect. Like all of the beard stays, all of the... But also like hairy and muscular, like... As if King Kong was Doren in Doren cosplay. What's happening? What? What's happening? But I guess also on the ground.

So sitting in the middle of all of these orcs splayed around Doren's new body is this giant ape of... of Doran. Wow. Amazing. Yeah, you got some new stats, Doran. I'm going to send these over to you. You're a giant ape now. Nice. God. You're a giant ape now. That's awesome. So, importantly, you get 157 hit points in this body and when those go away, you go back to your regular hit points. So keep track of what Kralov just left you at. Yeah, that doesn't change. That's what you're going to return to. Okay. But now you are, I mean, this is how the battle gets won, right?

You keep your alignment and personality. Oh, my God. But now you're, now you're a giant ape. You just pulled out all the stops. Doran, show him who's in charge now. I will. Can he speak? I don't know.

You can bellow. Can't talk because giant apes can't talk. But you can't grunted us. Okay. Dorn basically is the same. That's fucking awesome. Very cool. So you're at 157 health now.

Yes. That's fucking dope. That's the way that wizards heal people is by turning them into crazy things. Secret cleric. I am also going to follow Red's lead and step back behind the Bloodhawk towards that cliff just down at the bottom of the ramp.

Red, you can see just through the opening in this curtain, Doren, twitch, and his limbs fly back as they just start popping with muscles and you hear the sound of his bones growing. Jack, what's happening? Oh, no, Doren's dying.

No, Doren's giant size. What? And this, like, giant ape, hand comes out of the curtain, you know, just for a moment. See a brief, like... Cool. I just love it turns to a thumbs up inside. Yeah, yeah.

Doran, tear down that kitten. Doran, it's your turn. Okay. Can I tear down that curtain? Yeah, do it. So I do that. I pull that curtain down. Perfect.

Now I'm in range. And then I attack. I'll attack the ones that are least out of range for Red and Jack. So that would be the one to the east. side. Good call. So I'm going to roll to hit, and it's going to be a plus nine. Nice. Thank goodness, because I rolled a natural one.

Oh, come on. Oh, 10. Shame. No, that misses. Shame that die. For shame. A horrible way to start as a giant ape. So the misses.

So I'm just going to attack that same one again. A 22 to hit. Yes, that is. That's better. 14 damage to that one. Okay. Yeah. he takes it all

It's the ogre's turn He's momentarily befuddled By the size of this giant ape And then presses on towards you He gets right up behind you, Doren Ape Doren I think Ape Doren's one of my favorite kinds of Doren And he's gonna try to great club you

What's your AC like as a giant ape? 12, yeah Yeah So I mean that's a 23 to hit you Uh 12, not bad, 12 bludgeoning damage Okay You're still in the triple digits. You're like freebie hit points anyway, right?

Because like once you lose them, you just go back. Exactly. They're like temporary hit points almost. Yeah, so the ogre runs up and hits you in the butt with his club and you get a little bruise and it feels bad. But bruise. Butt bruise. Red, it's your turn. I am going to try to take out that war chief.

Let's do it. And I will do this first one without penalty. That is an 18 to hit. That hits. I have rolled max damage. on my D-8 and D6. Whoa. Two-one damage.

Nice. Holy shit, man. Strikes this warlord. And I will attack again. Does he look bloodied or just? Nah. Okay. And I will attack again this time

with my sharpshooter penalty. 18 a hit. Whoa. Yeah. Nice. Good one. Turning this around. 22, unfortunately.

Okay. And I will send Scree towards the war chief. Scree! Go! Scree! Scree will head. head over in that direction.

She does not do very well. That was only a three plus, no. Yeah, no. So Scree misses, she's going to continue to fly by. Okay. And head to the north wall near the curtain. So she's dive bombing. I also have a quick theory that I say to Jack,

because he goes last anyway. Let's hear it. These giants, they respect size. Remember, that's why they wanted Moog because she's so fat. Maybe, maybe this ogre will respect this. new ape's eyes. Yeah, it's up to Doren to take control of the situation. Well, I know that you have like thaumaturgy, don't you? I mean, I get, oh, don't. And you speak giant. Just, I mean,

it's a play to speak to speak through. Exactly. He can't speak, right? He doesn't, he can't say anything. He's an ape. But if you did a big, I'm the biggest one now, I'm the new leader type shit, who knows? Maybe the ogre would be like, at least, you know, just a, just a thought that went through my mind. Kraloth, it's your turn. As you stand beside this war chief, you see the two arrows fly from outside and strike him in the chest. You are surrounded by orcs and also by the hairy body of your giant friend. Yeah, I think I'm just going to hunker down and hold up my shield and try to dodge as many attacks as I can. Sure. And I'm going to like try to like stoke them. Like, come on, come on. You think you can hit me?

Dodge increases your AC, right? No, Dodge gives everyone disadvantage who's attacking me. That's awesome. Wow. So Kieran watches as the three bug bears that were ascending the ladder enter the storage room

and start moving towards the kitchen. Yeah. Then the orcs attack Kralath and Doren. So a crew of orcs and two wolves come in through the mess hall. There's five orcs, two wolves. They round the corner. and the wolf's howl,

Ha'o, because they see you. Howo, awo, woo. Howo, woo. And then the orcs that are standing around you get to butcher time, they try to murder you. So the war chief is going to attack you, Krayloff. He's going to attack with disadvantage because of your choice to hunker.

Using the great axe. Using the great axe. Twelve and bullshit. So he attacks you twice and you just, You're ready for them. You see it coming? Fuck yeah. Yes.

Your defensive training coming in handy here. And then three, three, wait, four. There's too many orcs. Too many orcs. Too many orcs. Yeah, there are four orcs surrounding you that are not the war chief. They're all going to also attack you. Okay.

15, another 15. Ooh, 20. That hits. Yeah. So one hits you. All right. I'll take it. That's great strategy, Justin.

Six slashing damage. Okay, great. One slips through my defenses, and I wince in pain, but I hold strong. And then two orcs attack our giant ape friend. That's a 21 and a 17 to hit. Both hit. 10 slashing, and then seven slashing damage. Oh, man.

And that's the turn. Jack and Kieran, what do you do? Kieran's got a pretty good view space from their invisible position. the kitchen, so I'm just going to let them hang out there and continue to feed me information. And I am going to look that war chief dead in the eyes and again, just think die at him as hard and strong as I can, trying to pull the... Imagine you weren't magical and that's all you did. You're just like...

You know, die. Yeah, I was going to say, I'm not going to do anything. Seathed in his direction. Luckily, I can put these arcane power behind my seething thoughts and try and kill this creature. Wisdom save? Yes, please. I hope you don't succeed. Seven.

Seven won't do it. Nice. 17 damage. Good stuff. As his eyes bleed his soul out through them. 17 damage. Yeah, he just gets this slack jawed look as he feels really bad about himself so much that he gets hurt. And I'm going to...

This is the war chief? Yes. Yeah, man, this war chief's got more health than the ogre almost. And I'm going to walk south across this ramp and sort of round a corner where there's some rocks here that I can take a little shelter behind. Cool. Find shelter. It's just a shot away. Doran, it's your turn.

What do you do? Doran is enraged as this giant ape and he tries to hit the fork that hit Krayloth. I'm going to go ahead and attack with one fist and that's going to be home. Fuck off. Luck, luck. You have luck. Luck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's right. I'm going to use luck because I rolled it in 11. Six. So that's going to be 25. Oh, that's better. There we go. 25 to hit. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's that giant Doran we're looking for. 15 plus a 9. What did I say? Yeah, you pound him into the ground and he dies. That's one hit. And then I'm going to go for one that's to my right again. And that's going to be hit 25. Okay.

18 damage. You bludgeon two orcs to death. Fine. From 100% hit points to zero. percent hit points. Nice. The ogre goes to hit you again with his great club. Yeah, that's going to hit you.

Me? Yeah, 23 to hit. Okay. Doing 16 damage. Ooh, fuck. Bludgeoning damage. Doran soaks it all up. Red and scree.

I'm going to move back 30 feet closer to the ladder. Just backing up casually. And I am going to attack that war chief. Okay, fire another arrow. Yeah, I'm going to do it with the sharpshooter penalty again. And that is not going to hit. So I will do the exact same shot. First arrow goes wide.

This time I will do it without the penalty. And that is going to be an 18 hit. 18 hits. All right. Good call. Excellent. That's an important part of killing it. 16 damage.

That's an important part of killing it. Okay, yeah. It goes through his fucking cheekbone. Ooh, gross. And kills him? No. Okay. But it looks like this.

Can't be that descriptive and not follow up with, but it doesn't hurt him. Not yet, but almost. Cool. Scree is going to do a flyby of the war chief again. Scree! Oh, yes, she's going to tally him. For the layup. That is going to be a 19 hit.

Yes. And? Nine damage. I mean, she mauls him to death. Yes. Fucking scree. I caught a picture of Scree coming in. grabbing the arrow and like twisting it and snapping the head off.

Yes. She grabs it with her towel. The old four or five, buddy. And Scree is going to continue flying by a little bit. Cool. Doran kind of raises his fists in the air and creates a spectacle. He's a, uh,

while he's doing this, he kind of looks down and gives Krala like a kind of a eyebrowy, uh, glare, it's like, ah, you know, as if to say, run out of the room while I'm creating a spectacle. Okay, Krayloff, it's your turn. All right, Krayloff nods at what Doran is saying. He carefully disengages from the orcs, and he's going to run out to get a more advantageous position. How fast do bug bears run? Bougaboo bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger.

Question for the ages. That's what they say when they run. Right. Bugabon, bugger, bugger, bugger, bug. Some do the underarm wiggle. Exactly. The overhead wiggle, but they're all wiggling their arms. It's kind of a grab bag, really.

Yeah, so they turn the corner. One of them almost kicks Kieran, who scrambles out of the way. And Doren, you hear them come up from behind you. They're still maybe about 60 feet away from you, Dorn, but closing fast. It's the orcs turns as Kraloth runs down the gangplank, I guess, toward the outside and the guard tower. One of the orcs follows you. Great. He chases you down and swings at you with his great axe.

That's two to hit. That hits, actually. Oh, no. I dropped all of my armor while I was running out. Divide 80 by 10. Don't chase. And then the other three orcs are going to continue hacking at this huge hairy ape. Hey, that's our friend.

Doren's screaming out of fear, but not for the orcs. He's just afraid of heights. He's never been this tall before he's like. Oh my God. I'm so tall. One of them hits you for five slashing damage and the other two miss as your flailing limbs distract and confuse them. Some more orcs run into the room because that's what they do best. We're running.

We were running. And they all get to within melee range of Doren. Wow. Unfortunately, they do not have enough action economy to be able to swing at you, but they get right up ons. Good. And the wolves chasing their quarry get close, but they're still a little bit behind the ogre.

I suddenly feel like King Kong. Leave you alone. Let's just talk about this for a second. In the kitchen, we have... With Doran. In the kitchen with Doran. Who is massive, by the way. He is a huge beast.

There are eight orcs piled all around you. There's an ogre. Two wolves and then maybe 40 feet away. Three bug bears are bringing up the rear. And Kieran sneakily hiding somewhere in the background in the shadows. Jack and Kieran, what do you do? I'm really debating how much value I put on Doren's hit points right now. There's this play where I just make him explain.

also and try and clear out all of that around him. I think that's the right call. Make me explode? Well, yeah, I just make you explode. Yeah. I mean, you'll be fine, I hope. I can't. I think worst case scenario, and it sounds terrible, but we have revivify.

Roasted ape. I mean, delicious. The odds are, how many do you hit versus how many are you sacrificing? At this point, it's like, what, almost 10 to 1? I mean, just so long as we're okay with that, it's all magic anyways. I'm okay with it. It's up to Doren. Well, here's the thing.

They're kind of all congregating. I'm acting like a little bit more of a distraction at this point. I've still got a lot of hit points. Yeah. But what would that mean? Oh, it just means I'm going to cast a fireball. You're just going to have to soak up all that fireball damage. Oh, a fireball.

I thought you were going to explode me. Well, if you're going to explode me, that's not going to... I mean, you're still going to be just fireball. That's fine. That's fine. Let's do it. Yeah. All right.

Let's do it. I think that's probably a good call right now. I think you were just saying you're going to explode me and that's going to do the damage. I'm like, I don't know how that's going to work. But, okay. Doren, it's fucking magic. What do you want to do? Seeing that Kralath has run back out of the way,

Jack storms up that ramp until he can get his eyes back on Doren, this giant ape, surrounded by almost a dozen orcs, this ogre, and he just extends a finger and says an arcane word and fire flashes from it. and this giant ape explodes in a fireball, catching him and all of these orcs around. Oh, shit. It is a 20-foot radius, so I think I can get all of them.

Yeah, even the wolves. Even the wolves. Wow. There's like, you see this, like, hairy burning ape. It's a deck save. It's kind of a cool visual. I'm going to roll them all separately this time, just for fancy.

Yeah, but it's 42 damage. Or if you get a dex of 15, it is half of that. Everything's going to die. Everything's going to die. And half of that is... I rolled a 17. 17? 17 saves, so you only take 21 damage.

Nice. Fucking great move. Wait, so the minimum damage they can actually take is 21. Yes. I'm just going to stop rolling dice now because they're all dead. Oh, nice. Let me actually roll the save for the ogre right. right now.

That's the 17. Okay, so he takes 21 damage. He's still okay. You're a lucky ape, my friend. Well, I think I would have survived anyways, so... All your hair is like sin.

Yeah. Ew, yeah. You look terrifying. Parts of your fur are still on fire. Your skin is like charred. Ew. It's like this weird. The smell is just overwhelming.

Ferd naked ape. Um, great call. Good timing. Yeah, Kieran flies invisibly onto that, some shelf on the back wall just to get out of the way, but still have eyes on both doors in the kitchen to let us know what's coming up from behind. Beauty. And Red turns to jack and says, just to clarify, you didn't just kill Doran, did you? Giant ape Doran.

Hello? Thank you to our great old one Patreon supporters, Michael and Brianna Weber, Adam Fry and Christopher Ryan Evans for everything they do. Thanks, guys. I could do. I could do that. I could do that actually.

But where... You know what? I'm gonna... You know, I... All right. These and other sounds by Rob Diabald. Both sounds and thinking by Rob Diabon.