Dice Shame - 59 | 'A Tangled Web'

Episode Date: November 26, 2020

The party gets jumped by a cluster of Spiders within the High Forest... Comedy, action and a whole lot of shaming come together in Dice Shame, an Actual Play Podcast of Storm King's Thunder by Wizards of the Coast! Join our GM Jo; her partner Harlan, his brother Alex & their best friends Justin and Rob as they tackle the daunting world of Faerun in this legendary adventure module! Dice Shame is a podcast that welcomes its audience to the gaming table. Like the games they play at home, they try not to take themselves too seriously. The show aims to be entertaining, inclusive, and irreverent, while still taking the rules (somewhat) seriously. Join us every Thursday morning for brand new episodes available on all major platforms including; Spotify, iTunes, Google Play and more! If you haven't checked it out yet... what are you waiting for?!? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Bad start. This is proven to be a bad start for a lot of people. Shame that piece of shit. Jack! I continue to struggle to live. Oh, my God. Just lean into it. I don't feel very good.

You're going to be okay, buddy. You're going to be okay. Nobody attacks my friends. Vampire. He's the vampire. But now you're at least conscious and able to be terrified. It's true. I do get to watch myself die.

Calivore, oh, Calabas. All right, Doran, let's light this motherfucker up. Ah. Welcome back to Dice Shame. This is Episode 59, A Tangled Web. MVP this week is Spricket, Sprinkle, Spron who just supported us on Patreon to show their love for Dice Shame and malevolent. Thank you so much.

Everyone who's been clamoring for Dice Shame merch can just calm right down. Calm down! Because we've officially launched our new merch store We have dozens of gorgeous shirts, cozy hoodies, and needo stickers. Visit www.dyshamepodcast.com and click the link to visit the merch store. I promise you'll find something amazing. More stuff is added every week, so keep checking back. All right, should we do this?

Let's go. Yeah. So, God. We ended last episode with you guys rolling for initiative. It's been a whole week. You've had to sit on this crucial number. Wait till I tell you what that number is because, oh, man. Because I've been holding it in my mind all week.

All week long, I've been thinking to myself, you know, I pick up the phone and I call you like always, right, Joe? And I call and I say, hey, I'm just calling you again to discuss D.A.D. And I'm like, hey, is that my brother is here to talk to me? me? And you're like, no. No, he's talking to me. Well, I call each one of you every day to talk about what's going on in our... Absolutely. In our Dungeons and Dragons right. In character, as Doren. Of course. Hello? The Doren on the drive to work does make it much more enjoyable. How does it even work? How does this even work? Hello? Such a good shock jockey. Doren in the morning. Here we are on short radio. God, I would listen to that. I would listen to that radio show.

No, for sure. So yeah, you near the foot of the lost peaks. You notice that the forest canopy above you is interwoven with these thick spider webs. You all get the hebi-jibis somehow instinctively knowing that this is a dangerous place to be traveling. Hippity-jibbty. Don't know how you got that impression. Might be the webs. I mean, it could be Halloween party like leftover spider webs, but no.

What did you get for initiative? We'll start with Harlan. What did Red get? So because of my natural explorer, I actually roll with advantage when I'm in sort of in nature. It is the nature. Hot damn. This is funny, though. In the nature.

I rolled the exact same number on both dies, an 18. Oh. Which gives me a 21. Ah, that's a good number. I just thought that was funny, because how often do you roll two of the exact same number? Yeah, no, not often at all. Not often. I mean.

The fact, the odds are. Rob, do you want to calculate those odds real quick? Is it one in? No, I don't. Math man. That doesn't seem nearly as fun. B got a 15. Oh, what's that?

B is rolling. That's interesting. Whoa. She is a combatant for this battle, considering that Red has been training her. Competent. Justin, what did Kralov get? Oh, Kralov got a one.

Oh, classic Kralov. A natural one? No, a two minus one. Huh? That's the worst one. Or else it would be a zero. A dirty one. Alex, would you roll for Doren?

A 20. Oh, nice. Not a natural 20. Dirty 20. You two are the unnatural odds. Wow. And last, been on least, Rob, what is Jack rolling with? 23.

What? 19 plus 4. Wow. Not to throw that one out at you. Let's not that all week. The other crucial piece of information for this, shall I call it, an encounter, is passive perception. So I have, and correct me if I'm wrong. I may we.

I have 15 for red, 16 for Krala. 11 for Jack 13 for Doran Correct and Mundo Perfect Finally final piece of information You've been walking your horses For some time

Because the ground here At the foot of the mountain Is uneven And sometimes treacherous With rocks Right I think maybe like shit fart Nearly put a hoof wrong

Somewhere in the dim light Earlier and narrowly avoided injury So no one is horse Like mounted right now Yeah Yeah Okay cool Despite all of your animal instinct

alerting you to the danger of this situation, you are still mostly surprised by the ambush laid for you by these creatures. It is utterly noiseless when a long, slender white and blue leg steps out of nothingness directly in front of you, Kralath. Swiftly followed by another and another and another. Two horse-sized blue spiders just skitter out of literal nowhere. Their powerful mandibles dripping with viscous prelessent fluid. Red and Jack, you are not afforded this morning. The spiders that ambush you are stealthier, emerging behind you and striking before you even have a chance to turn around.

Yikes. Wow. So, Jack, two spiders attack you. Don't like it. You try to bite you. Oh my God. Just lean into it. And because you failed to see them before they attack you, they unfortunately,

roll with advantage on this surprise round. Oh, man. Uh-oh. Um, that was bullshit. I rolled a four and a five. Not a great start. I'm okay with that. So that's one miss.

Can you roll that for me instead and let you kill Rob? For the second spider attacking Jack, it's Mandibose crunch crunch with a 22 to hit you. That will hit me. Roll a constitution saving throw for me, my friend. No. Uh, eight. You fail. It's true.

Bad start. Oh, no. This is proven to be a bad start for a lot of people. Uh, so you're going to take some damage. Mm-hmm. As it so happens. Mm-hmm. That is nine piercing damage and 24 poison damage.

Yikes. Holy shit. Wow. Then what happens is the two spiders that have emerged from nothingness behind red also attack him. red, oh, I rolled a D10 instead of a D20. Nope, counts, sorry. I rolled a three and a four. Yes.

On my first roll. Do that again. The next one, oh, that's much better. That's a 21 to hit you. Yeah. Except I cast shield, just kidding. Roll a Constitution saving throw. All right, Constitution saving throw.

Oh, dear. With a plus zero. Constitution. Ten. That's a fail. Damn. So you take eight piercing damage and 19 poison damage.

I'm dead. No. Snip snap, I say. Snippy, snappy. As these large spiders just eject you with their terrible poison. Snap. The other spiders do not get to go since they were observed by Kraloth. Top of the round.

Jack, it's your turn. Uh-huh. You feel terrible. I do feel terrible. That is inevitably true. I hadn't really thought about what I would do, so... That's okay. No, unacceptable.

Unacceptable, huh? Shame on you. You've been playing with me for a year. You mean you're not prepared? Yeah. So, Jack is looking at these spiders, seeing us all caught up in the midst of them.

Man, there's more spiders than we have horses. It's just an ugly scene. And he's pretty poisoned and delusional and doesn't trust his aim. So he's just going to snap his fingers and say those arcane syllables and conjure those magic missiles and try and blast every single one of them

with a magic missile. Ooh, okay. So there are six spiders total. So if I cast it at fourth level, I get six missiles. And if I throw that extra goose on there with the first level spell, I get 2D10 plus 1D4. So they will each take 14 damage. Check!

Nice. Breeding it around there, just one after the other, these, these. And these ones, he doesn't have the time to make them look like that lovely arrow that he tries to imitate red every once in a while to make it look like he's shooting them are just like blasts of pure reactionary bolts of magic that kind of look like how poison feels. Oh, cool. Cool, very cool.

No, I like, I get a visual when you say that. It's kind of neat. Red, it's your turn. Red is going to disengage, and I'm going to move feline agility, 90 feet away. Can I just do a quick cast around to make sure there's no other spiders coming up behind us? Roll perception. That is a 22.

Whoa. You don't see any spiders. Perfect. I feel comfortable in that. I'm going to run 90 feet deeper into the trees. Deeper into the... Yeah, just like dodging and weaving between the tree trunks.

Deeper into the forest? Deeper into the forest. We're already in the forest. Leaping over fallen trees. But how far can I run into the forest before I start running out of the forest? Oh. A halfway.

And that is my entire turn. Okay. Yeah. Doran. Doran. So you have some spiders right in front of you, the ones that had attacked red. Right, but they're not paying much attention to me.

Not right now. I lie down and act. No, I'm kidding. Doran pulls his axe from its sheath, and he yells, You're ready, splitter? Oh, yeah. Nobody attacks my friends. And he takes a large swing at the spider that's standing to the left in front of him.

Okay, great. An 11 to hit? No, I'm sorry. Oof. Pathetic. So he take a swing and miss. and then... Yeah, it just dances out of your way.

And then, wow, really sucking on the rolls here. And then a 14 to hit? Yeah, that hits. Hey! Good job. Ayo. So, 14 to hit and Ork Splitter is going to do 17 damage. Good stuff.

Your axe bites deeply into the creature's abdomen and it screams in pain. Dorn says with enthusiasm. Yeah. B, it's, so B's turn. So she's going to knock an arrow to her bow and she lets loose two arrows, but misses both times. And then she's going to move 30 feet towards red running through the trees. Come on, darling. Okay.

Spider turns. Spider turns. Spider turns. I was just going to sing that same dumb song. Okay. Dumb minds think alike. Jack, you are now fully aware of these spiders as their venom drips viscously from wounds in your body. This could be it.

Two of them attack you. Yeah. One misses and one hits you with a 23. A 23 will hit, yeah. Make a constitution saving throw. All right. And this is the end of Jack. Uh, how do we feel about a 10?

You fail again, wow. You take 10 piercing damage and 14 poison damage. Unconscious. Oh, no. Not only are you unconscious, my friend Rob, you are paralyzed as you have been poisoned. Paralized. All right, so the first spider launches itself at Jack, its mandibles snap just in thin air as the wizard dodges aside, but then it gets caught up in

in the front legs, the front little front legs? What are they called? Petapalps? That's right. You know what I just pulled up Spider Anatomy 101 and you're correct. Of course Robb, you know that. Well, there we are. It catches you up in its pedipalps and then attacks you and just bites you and you get, you guys see the light fade from Jack's eyes as he falls into this poisoned, paralyzed stupor. Then two spiders attack Doran. Ah!

One of them misses, but one hits you with a 23. That would be a hit, yes. Make a constitution save, and I believe as a dwarf you get advantage on this save. Oh, poison! I am, yes. So that's going to be 15. So you take four piercing damage and 11 poison damage.

And you are also resistant to poison damage, correct? I am. So you take five poison damage altogether. Kraloth, unfortunately, is not benefited by Dwarven blood. And the two spiders launch themselves at you with bullshit rolls. Yes. The 12 is the highest. and I imagine you just rebuff it against your golden shield.

I sure do. Nice. Then all of the spiders blink out of existence. And Doran's like, yeah, and yeah, you run. Did you guys see them run? Don't think that's what you think it is. They may have gone invisible. No, they've run away, haven't they?

No, and you better be ready. Krayloth, it's your turn. Hey, buddy? Yeah. Use the potion! Use the potion that Chaz gave us! Yeah, yeah, I had the same idea. Okay, so Kraloth is completely baffled, and that's what happens when you get a one on your initiative. Contributes.

And he is, yeah, he's going to drink his potion, and then he's going to run over to Jack. And kind of as a test as well, he's kind of stepping back away from where these creatures, Red says, are invisible, and he's waiting for an attack. As I step back, do I sense anything? No. It's not as if this creature is cloaked. Okay. It didn't attack me, but keep your wits about you. And Kralov is going to go over to Jack,

and I'm going to cast Spare the Dying as a Cantrip. Cool. Yeah, you do that. You do that, and it is done. Perfect. So, Jack, you're stabilized. Right. It is your turn.

Am I, I'm paralyzed? Am I also poisoned? You are paralyzed and poisoned. And unconscious. And now stable. And unconscious, but not dying. Hey, there you are. So I take a very energetic turn where I lie here and recover.

Roll to breathe. It's tough, but I manage. Red is your turn. What do you want to do? I'm going to reach down into the bag of holding as well. Pull out one of those potions of resistance. Flip off the stopper and down it. And that's it.

I'll keep a lookout. Keep on high alert for any spiders that pop in. Doran, what do you do? Doran, he just swings in front of him where he just swung and hit the spider a moment before. He's going to swing in the exact same spot. Yeah, try to connect again. You can roll to hit.

Okay, cool. So that's going to be an 18 to hit. You miss. Okay. And then I just do the same thing, but even a broader stroke, a different direction. That's going to be 25 to hit. You miss.

I don't know. I feel like they haven't just disappeared. I've swung and they move quickly, but. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if they're here. Maybe they're not invisible. I don't know. Maybe there's something else.

It's B's turn. She's like, what do I do? Bee, drink a potion of poison resistance. She's, yeah, because Doren wouldn't carry one, right? No. Okay. I'm sure at some point during down time, we would have been like, here, B, have this.

Because you're never going to use it. Correct. Yeah. Okay. So B fishes through her satchel, finds this potion, downs it. And then she sort of like gets a weird look across her face. And she's like, I don't feel very good. No, that wasn't the potion of poison resistance. That was the diarrhea medication. Oh, no. Krayloff needs it after 65 pounds of food. Yikes. Just the levels to which you've got to go to get your mind around that fantasy. Just yikes.

Well, I feel more regular now. So she does that. Spider turns. All of the spiders come back into existence immediately in front of you. And a couple of them crawl around to reposition themselves to gain advantageous positions because, you know, Kralov moved and he looks pretty tasty right now. So these spiders just start crawling. drawing toward you.

I love our Doran, you could have readied your action. Instead, you just swung wildly twice. Well, but there's a play there. Had they been invisible, that's the right move. For sure. But then he did it again. The thing about it, too, is when they blinked out, I thought they were still there. They blink back and they're in very similar spots, but not the same spots.

Now I know that it's not just invisibility. Doran, the scientist. I'm testing a theory here. Oh, yeah. It's got a theorem. Okay. So the three spiders that are surrounding Kralov all attack him with their poisonous, poisonous bites.

Do it. I'm not afraid. I rolled a natural one. Whoa! There we go. Yellow dice black numbers. Shame that piece of shit. I'm officially shaming you.

For shame. I mean, I don't feel real bad about it, but for shame, definitely. Shame from some perspectives. I rolled also a 14 and a 22. The 22 definitely hit. but the 14 does not. I'm going to pull out a new dice. This is going to be gray dice yellow numbers,

and I'm going to call this dice Fry Guy. Fry guy. All right, so Kralov, make a Constitution save for me, please. I got a 21. Oh, there you are. All right, you succeed. So you're going to take nine piercing damage, and then I rolled 15 for your poison damage.

going to take half of that because you succeeded on your save. That gives you a seven. And then half of that because you're now resistant to poison. So you take three poison damage. Beauty. Good use of those potions, guys. I'm impressed that you remember. Sometimes gear just like rattles around in the bottom of a bag of holding for decades.

This would have been, not my bag. Cool. So those are the spiders that are around you Kralath. They just lunge at you snapping their jaws and you're like fending them off with your mace. One of them gets a lucky bite in, but it doesn't really hard. arm you too, too much. Doran, another spider just skitters out of the brush towards you out of nowhere. And then they all launch at you.

Doran kind of like looks forward to the action. So he's lining up and ready. He's kind of licking his lips, laughing a little bit. Yeah. Bring it. Motherfucker. I'm rolling so bad. The one that you had landed a blow on earlier, it's like seeping this green goo out of an axe

wound on the side of its abdomen. Excellent. It attacks you with an 18. Yes. An 18. That hits you? 18? Yes.

All right. So roll your Constitution save with advantage as a dwarfy boy. Right. And that's going to be a 20, a dirty 20. So you take nine piercing damage. Mm-hmm. And then you also take five total poison damage. Nice.

Okay. I'm sorry that you're out of combat right now. Rob. Jack is poisoned, paralyzed, incapacitated, dreaming of other spells he could have cast. This is punishment for what you did at New Anders Hold. That's right. I'm getting you back. I'm shotting the horse rider. I mean, I thought the tomb tapper was pretty mean, too.

That tomb tapper was motivated. I mean, it's true. These ones were personal. They're, or they're impersonal? I don't know. Kralov, it's your turn. What do you do? You're surrounded by these terrifying, snapping spiders. So when I approached Jack, was I able to sense or see that he's paralyzed? Why don't you roll a medicine check for me? Beautiful.

Let's see if you were able to ascertain that. That is a medicine? 17? Yeah, let's say when you cast Spare the Dying, you're used to the body reacting in a specific way, like showing you some kind of sign. You know, its chest moves more freely up and down with breath. maybe you notice with your keen eyes that he's not moving correctly. Definitely get some of those vibes of like the veins really popping out

with like an ugly black color from the poison still coursing through his body. A la Frodo. Yeah. Is the poison still damaging him? Uh, no. Okay. But I am poisoned. He's not taking more damage.

He's just poisoned. Okay. And do I know how to heal that? I don't know, do you? Is it lesser restoration? I think so. Blind, deaf, paralyzed, poisoned. Okay.

Uh, so Kralath, under his breath. he sees these three spiders bearing down on him and he says hang in there jack and he holds up his shield and he's just going to dodge he's going to defend and then he's going to cast as a bonus action shield of faith on himself yeah okay nicely done jack it's your turn i continue to struggle to live red what do you do you do um you see through the trees the shadows of these like their skin their they're like kiteness bodies are like pearlescent white and blue you can see them clearly through the forest oh my god i'm going to move 30 feet closer so that i'm within 60 feet and i'm going to tighten the bowstring on asta my new ebony bow and i'm going to expend one of my charges for this new bow to try and cast fairy fire against one of the spiders that has not been hit yet. Interesting. They've all been hit by magic missile. They're all

oozing, Iker. So they are going to, it's going to have to make a dexterity save against the spell save DC, which is 12. All right, they're kind of dexterous, but I've been rolling like hot garbage. All right, so you cast fairy fire, you like look down the sight of your bow. Yeah, I pull back an arrow and look down the sights at it. I rolled a natural 20. Yeah, no. Yeah, sorry. But either way, Red lets the arrow loose.

So that's going to be a 17 to hit. That hits. 18 damage? You kill it. It's just like your arrow just punctures its spinneret part of its butt and it just gross. It just explodes. Webs everywhere.

Web everywhere, yeah. Web fluid. And then I'm going to attack the one next to Krioloth for my second attack. And that is going to hit with a 21. Nice. 18 damage. Bathing your friend Kraloth in further icky goo. Good hit, buddy.

Doren, your turn. Dorn's just going to attack at least two of the spiders in front of them. Yeah, do it. Because it looks like I'm surrounded by three spiders. You are. So I'm going to take a big swing. 17 to hit? Yep.

Doing 14 damage. Yeah, it's the one that you had been attacking before. And as it clicks, it's mandibles at you menacingly. you just bury your axe deep in its head, splitting four eyes on one side, four eyes on the other side. Ew. It falls down twitching. I kind of picture Ork splitter going, ha, yeah! Ha ha, yeah!

You want to attack again? Yep. And this time is going to be a 25 to hit. Oh, yes. Nice. Excellent. With 17 damage. Oh.

Nice. All right. It's B's turn. B is going to look down the sight of her arrow and attack twice at the spider menacing Kraloth. She hits once with the 14, 9 damage. Nice. Excellent.

Way to go, B. Woo-hoo! Now this is pod racing. Oh, no. I'm having weird visions now. This poison's getting to me. Spider turns during two spiders attack you. Okay.

That's another natural one. Oh, my gosh. He slips on the other spider's venom and dies. It didn't last long. It breaks a leg. Fry guys, failing me immediately. The other one hits you with a 20. Roll a con save for me, please, with advantage.

Well, I just rolled two threes. So, yeah. Ten. Okay, you fail your save. That's five piercing damage. And a total of, with your poison resistance, that's 11 poison damage. Okay, not the end of Doran's life. Then the spider that is adjacent to you, Kralath,

after it gets skewered by an arrow from B's attack, goes on to try to bite you with its clicking mandibles. It's going to attack with disadvantage because I'm dodging. I still hate you, I think, within 19? No, my ACs 21. Fuck yeah. Ah, because of your shield of faith. Exactly.

Nice. Excellently done. Very well done. and then all three of the spiders vanish from existence. Ah, again. Bastion. Has everyone okay? Well, yeah, just a little frustrated.

Kralath, what do you do? Yeah, doing fine. And Kralov is going to kneel down next to Jack, and he's going to cast cure wounds. He's going to do it as a level four, which means that Jack is going to get eight times four plus two. three. So 39 hit points back. Whoa. So you know what's the worst part about that, though? What's that? Is that I'm no longer unconscious, but still paralyzed. How long are you paralyzed for?

I don't know. So my eyes open up. So you've cured him beyond his zero hit points, but he's still poisoned and paralyzed. So he's just laying there, hating life, hating himself. I mean, definitely, I think the eyes shoot open. And it's just enough to be conscious, but like not able to focus. or move or, you know, do more than, like, autonomous, autonomic, anyway, draw breath. Autonomic, yeah, of course. I was dancing around the word there. Kralov leans down next to him and, like, pats him on the cheek and says, you're going to be okay, buddy, you're going to be okay. Just prop them up against a tree so you can watch.

That's good. I like that. Scarecrow Jack. And that's, that's going to be Krayloth's turn. Weekend at Jacks. Yes. Jack, it's your turn. Do you have any non-verbal, non-somatic spells that you can cast just by looking really hard at somebody?

No, I don't. But now you're at least conscious and able to be terrified. It's true. I do get to watch myself die. That's great. Reddit's your turn. I'm going to ready my action. Aye.

So that the minute one of those spider bastards pops into existence, I'm going to nail it. right between the eyes. You're going to pop the spider once it pops back into existence? Correct. I can't cast a bonus action at that point, correct? No, you cannot.

So I will just use both of my attacks at that time. Cool. You will hold your multi-attack. Yep. And Doran, it's your turn. Doran is going to ready in action as well.

Excellent. Slice and dice, you know. Just winding up. In fact, he speaks to orcs blutter. He says, Just be ready to cut him when you see him. I'm ready. I'm ready.

I was born ready. B draws another arrow and readies her action as well. There's like this calm stillness. Yeah, the dude who like shaves his face a thousand to them? Yeah, yeah. And then it breaks. It's the spider's turns.

And as they pop back into existence, they phase back onto this plane. You are horrified to see that their number has been bolstered by one. A mammoth version of this. Faye's spider. much larger and more terrifying. Of course. Of course.

Than all of its brethren. Of course. And your readied actions are loosed. Red, we'll start with you, since you're the top of this action economy. I want to pick off the small ones first. Great. I'll fire one closest to Jack.

Dirty 20 to hit. Absolutely. How much damage? 22. Yeah, you get it right in the eye. It falls over dead. And then I will attack at the one south of Doran. South of Doran.

Sounds like a novel. This is south of Doran. 14 hit. Yes, you do. Nice. Excellent. And that'll be 16 damage. Yeah, Doren, you're like preparing your action,

readying your axe to chop whenever this thing comes back into existence. And immediately it just blinks into existence ahead of you. And then an arrow flies right into the space in between its mandibles and it falls out. I got you, buddy. So is there no spider in front of me then at all? There's one more spider in front of you. It's only been wounded by a magic missile. at the top of the battle, but it's leaking viscera.

Is it fair to say that I unleashed my prepared action on that one? Of course you did. Oh, okay. Okay. I thought you were saying, I understand now. So, yeah, I release my axe from where I'm holding it and attack with a 15 to hit. Yeah, that hits. Excellent.

And that's 14 damage. Excellent. Excellent's pretty good. Yes. Not on purpose. 14 damage. Good stuff. Wonderful.

Did you want to tell you? attack again? Yeah. Oh, that's a hit with a 27, 26. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And that's doing another 13 damage. What does it look like when you kill the spider? Oh, it's like nasty. I take out, you don't want to know. I take off what would be considered its head. So it's like partially down, halfway down, it's thorax. No, whatever the first part of that spider is called. Fovaya. Yes. So I cut halfway through the fovea. And the front part of the spider falls off. It's also called the sternum of the spider.

Sternum comes apart. Or the cephalothorax. Whatever. The spider basically is in pieces now. I don't care what you call it. We're eating spider tonight. Ew. Cool. B's turn, she gets to loose off those readied actions.

So I rolled an eight and another natural one. Oh, no. Honestly, I think Frye guy is going in the shame jar right now. Oh, my God. Two shame james. Your last half of combat. Revealed and then shamed. Poor shame.

Get out of here. I'm going to open a new set, actually. Do it. You deserve it. Mama's got a brand new set. Got a white set here. It's like pearly white with the gold numbers that I'm excited about. All right.

So it's finally my big, big bad monster, spiders turn. Untouched monster. Untouched and ready. And it just phase accidentally? Oh, whoops. Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. So embarrassing. Who's it standing right next to?

Right next to Krala. Oh, no. Yes. But all the other spiders are dead? Yes. Just the mama's left. It was hungry. It could eat all of these spiders around here.

I'm sure, like, what's a little cannibalism between spiders? Well, you need to eat the cradolism. Spider-bullism. I wouldn't judge it. Okay, so the first thing it does is it. A kill them bull wood. Kind of turns to the side and points its butt at you, and it hits you with a web 21 to hit. That is exactly a hit.

You are now restrained by webbing. Oh, no. Okay. That's no fun. It's not very fun, no. So your speed becomes zero. Attack rolls against you have advantage, and you also have disadvantage on dexterity saving throws,

should that ever come to pass. I pretty much already do. Let's be honest. So this mama spider, she, like, shoots you with webs, and then you just get all sticky and stuck to the ground, and it's gross, and you hate it. I don't like this. And then it tries to bite you.

No. To bite you. With advantage. Yes. That is a 23 to hit. That hits. Make a Constitution save for me. Okay.

Don't fuck it up. 21. Hey, there you are. Nice. 12 piercing damage. Okay. And on 48, I rolled a nine. Hey.

You saved and you have resistance. so that's, you take two poison damage. So 14 total. And then it's going to just like stomp on you with this little claw. Oh, little booties. I'm restrained, but does that mean I can do somatic movement still? Yes, it's just your movement that you can't take. Gotcha.

So he tries to stomp on you with his claw. It's just like a little claw on the end of one of his feet. Does it 18 to hit? I'm a little frustrated. 18 does not hit. My shield of faith activates and. Calimvor saves the day. Calivore, oh, Calivore, I love my Calivore.

I got you, brother. Some hymns. Good. Good song. Thank you. Crayloth, it's your turn. Okay, Crayloth. You're just going to invent a spell right now?

Why not? It's called Booger Blaster. I flick my boogers at the spider. You're just going to cheat at D&D right now. Okay, yeah, I'm going to cast Vampiric Touch. Oh. Oh. And this is concentration, so I am going to lose my shield of faith, but I don't know, maybe

it'll be worth it. It's probably dumb. Don't lose your faith. On a hit. Okay, so a melee spell attack. Because you got to have faith, faith, faith. 23 to hit. Nice.

There you go. So I do 3D6 necrotic damage. I guess nine in this case. And I get half. the amount in health. Cool. So you regain four hit points as you suck out

some of its spider blood. Vampire. He's a vampire. Gross weirdo. Woot him. So that all happened. Jack, you watch on in horror as your protector and savior

is plastered to the ground in sticky webbing. Yeah, there's definitely a reaction there of, you know, Kralath being webbed in front of me, but then also stealing vitality from this creature to to, you know, imbue himself with.

There's something that seems morally strange about that, but I'm not sure. You'll have to remember to talk to him about that later. But if we live, I think we're about to get munched. sternly worded conversation. Oh, I'm no one to talk. Red, what do you do? I turn to Doren, I say, all right, Doren, let's light this motherfucker up. And I'm going to cast fairy fire on it again to see if it'll work this time.

Cool. Let me roll a save. That's a six. So, it is now outlined in this red glow. Cool. Most importantly, everything that attacks this now has advantage. Hey, nice. Which is the main thing that I wanted to cast.

And then I'm going to let an arrow loose. Well, if it comes back to you, then it... It has not been damaged yet. It has been damaged. It has just been damaged by a vampiric touch. Uh-uh, uh-uh, ah. Well, uh-uh. One, two, four damage.

Oh, no, that's the first miss of the game. But you roll with advantage. Oh, my own rule. I forgot. I roll with advantage. And that was worse. No. Oh, no.

It's okay. And I'm going to do it again. You are bedazzled by your own. I'm like, oh, I'm so awesome. I'm going to focus. Holy crap, it worked. Oh, no. And I'm going to do the exact same hit again.

Oh, you like do the fairy fire thing. And then you turn to B to be like, look, B. And your arrow just flies wide. That is a dirty 20. Oh. Oh, yes. Get it. Very dirty.

17 damage. Good job. Nicely done. Oh, right in the pendibula or whatever you call it. Right in the pendibula. Right in the spider anatomy. Get it, Doran. Doran's your turn.

Yeah, so Doran winds up and he's... You're going to have to run over first. Not paying attention to that. You swing. And then you realize that it's farther away than you first thought. So Dora runs across the terrain. Tut, tut, tut, tut. What kind of terrain?

a choo-choo twain. It's a very descriptive. Orrin's just standing like 40 feet away with all of your horses like, good job, guys. Let me restart. Doran sees the massive spider

and he watches as red let's loose a flaming arrow as it sinks deep into the spider. Doran picks up haste and jogs across the green grass of the forest floor. Hasteful jogging.

Raising. Doren, move faster, you take it forever. It's like one of those jogs that you're like trying to cross the street faster because someone's trying to turn. He thinks that perhaps jogging is not a good idea. So he sprints. Doren, power walks through the forest. Doren sprints across the forest floor and raises his axe above his head,

screaming with the battle cry. A stage old battle cry. Precisely. I really hope. didn't wake up the kids. If he fucking misses this thing. Shit. I think I did.

He hits with a 17. Hey, there you are. Chopping wants to do a full seven damage. Hey. And then swinging again with a 21 to hit. And doing eight damage. Nice. That's good.

That's good. That's good. Cool. B's turn. Kill it B. Yeah, so B hits twice, two arrows sing through the forest and just bury themselves in this creature's thorax. There you go. Dealing 10 total damage.

Nice. Way to participate. I got her! Very good. You get a participation ribbon. Way better than Jack. Who? Oh, that guy over there on the floor.

Just that weird corpse on the forest floor. Grey Loth, this spider is going to attack you with advantage. Okay. It's going to bite you. Don't bite me. Actually, you know what it's going to do first, though? What's it going to do? What's it going to do?

The creature turns on you, Doren, and shoots a web at you. Oh. Let's see what happens. Ooh, 22 to hit. It hits. You are restrained by webbing. So we have a paralyzed, poisoned wizard and a restrained and webbed up cleric and fighter here now. Kill it with arrows.

And Doran turns to the spider and says, I do you know I don't like to be bound? This is my kink. It raises all eight eyes. Then it turns back to you, Kralath, and it's going to try to stomp on you with this little claw again. Okay, okay.

Which is my favorite move that it does. That's cute. I like it. Just a little like, 14 to hit you. It doesn't. Nice. Luckily hits a padded part of armor.

It does. It hits you, but nothing happens. You're like, what are you even doing? What are you doing? Just testing that you're still there. And then it tries to bite you because it wants to. Them things. Man, that's bullshit.

16 to hit. Nope. Yeah, you have like an arm free and you're just like pushing the creature's head back and it's like snapping its mandibles in your face and drooling poison all over you and you're just barely keeping it at bay. And then the creature phases out of existence. Does anything happen with the fairy fire? It disappears as well.

So we can't even see it, and my spell ends. No, your spell does not end. Oh, interesting. Now, being restrained like this, was I able to do like a... As an action, a creature restrained by webbing can make a strength check to burst through, or you can attack and destroy it if you would like. However, it's got an AC and hit points and certain kinds of like vulnerabilities and susceptibilities based on what it is. I think maybe I'll just hang out here and...

Good start. My plan. Just dodge. I'll just dodge here. It'll be back. It's probably going to bite me too. So I'm just going to get ready for this. Get ready for this.

Hard to dodge with this thing. Jack, it is your... Jack, it's your turn. I plead to Lethander to let me see another morning and continue to lie here poisoned and... Paralyzed. I'm sorry. Silent, please. I wish there was more I could do.

Red. Red is going to climb a tree, about 30 feet, and he's going to ready his action for when that spider phases back into existence. Yes, it is phasing. Doran. Doran is also going to ready an action for that damn dirty spider. So you're restrained. Oh, right, right. You can still attack, obviously, but I just wanted to remind you that you're covered in webs.

Okay, then, yeah, back it up. I still have my axe, so I'm going to attack the webbing. Cool. With the axe, you know, kind of attack, more like squirm. Great. So roll an attack against this webbing. And that's going to be, am I still adding all the same attack bonus and everything? Also add a bonus because it's your kink.

Oh. No, you rolled with disadvantage because you're so distracted. You're so turned on. So that's a 19 to hit. You hit the webbing. Excellent. How much damage do you deal? 16 damage.

Excellent. Yeah, you slice yourself free. Did you want to do anything else this turn? True. If I wanted to play against my own best interests, you could free Kraloth. Yeah, I use the same blade technique on you. Jomp. No.

Very, very slowly, I rubbed the end of the axe against the... Oh, sensuality. What does orc splitter say? Oh, oh. I like it when you wrap me there. Little blood? Little blood? Guys, this is awkward.

Yep. What did you, what did you roll to hit? 17. Yeah, that hits. How much damage? 11 damage? You release your friend. Krayloff is free, free at last.

How did that feel? Thank you, Doran. A little more intimate than I expected. Better than I was expecting. Thank you, more, Splitter. Is it getting hot out here or is it just me? B, it's B's turn. B's going to ready her bow.

she's going to attack the creature if it phases back into view, which it does. Oh, no. Surprise is, surprise among surprise one after the other with me today. Great, so the creature phases back into existence. Red, I believe you're ready in action. I sure did, and I'm

going to attack. Does it still have fairy fire on it? It certainly does. And this is going to be with advantage. Nice. That'll be an 18 hit. Mm-hmm. 17 damage. Marvelous. I want to do it. Do it again? Why not?

Do it again, do it again. Get that motherfucker's bad. That time it's only a 14 hit. No, you missed. Damn. Bee's turn. She's going to use her ready to actions and fire twice at the creature as it starts to charge towards her.

Oh, uh-oh. B fires. She hits once for damage and the creature's right up on her. It spits webs at her with its butt first. But spit. But spit. Ooh. Misses her with the web.

Nice. Then it launches itself at her with its mandibles and attacks her. Biting, biting. Oh, biting. Everywhere. So much bites. Uh-oh. B!

19 to hit. That hits her. So she takes nine piercing damage. She succeeds on her saving throw. However, that potion was not one of poison resistance, but of poison vulnerability. Uh-oh. Which one? Because your friend Chazloth was a little bit less than careful with his storage.

Oh, what an asshole. One of those potions this whole time is a potion of poison vulnerability instead of poison resistance. Oh, wow. So she takes the full 14 poison damage, which is not the worst, but she's only got nine hit points left. Okay. However, the spider is thus occupied with your daughter, Red. Uh-oh. B, no!

Kralath, it's your turn. I'm coming B. Krayloff is going to run over to the spider. And when he gets within range, he's going to cast sanctuary on B as a bonus action. Mm-hmm. And that is going to make it so that whenever this spider tries to attack her, it has to make a wisdom save and attack someone else instead.

Okay. And then I'm going to use vampiric touch on it again. Do you have to roll again or? Yes, I do. But I get advantage. Let's see it. Because of fairy fire. It is.

Still limned in fire. Fifteen to hit? No. It dodges your ray of vampire energy. Damn. Dagnab it. Jack, you glower from the meadow. Yeah, and at least the spiders moved away from me.

So there's, that feels more comfortable. You look up at a slice of sky that's starting to darken. It's true. I really only can see the shadows. So now it's actually maybe things are happening further away and I have no idea what's happening. That might be worse. Red, what do you do?

I am going to attack this thing and put it the fuck down. Stay away from my daughter. You bastard! And I'm going to fire. With a natural 20! Beautiful. Way to go. Perfect timing.

This could be the end. Oh, I think it will be. 37 damage. Whoa. How does it look when you kill this spider? So red, seeing this spider attack be, this blood boils. And more and more as of late, he's tacked. into this anger and this frustration.

And without any sort of hesitancy, he draws back on his bow and like whistles loudly. He's like, and the spider sort of turned just to line up that perfect shot for the air of thing cleanly through its open maw and out the back of its head, bringing along chunks of flesh with it as the spider just sort of begins dripping this black Icar and falls to a heavy pot in front of B. And he's like, you know, I'd fuck with my family. That's awesome. Good job, guys. Well done, everyone. These are phase spiders.

It's just a phase. I think Red casts cure wounds on B, and lets Kralath deal with the others for now. Nice. Be, B, he had me worried there. Yeah, that was a bit scary. I'd do that. All right, let's go. Jack's still paralyzed behind us.

You guys gather the horses? Hasn't moved. Kralov kneels down next to Jack. And, uh, well, uh, we beat the spiders. Uh, that's a good news. Uh, the bad news is I didn't prepare lesser restoration this morning. Uh, a little bit of, uh, oversight on my part. But, uh, hey, I didn't know we were going to be running into phase spiders today or big giant spiders today. So, uh, I'll get you back up on your feet in the morning. Um, let's load him on the amic here. Jack's a really good listener like this. Doesn't enjoy.

Hardly even blinks. I picture like, you know, we're going along the horses in the woods and Reds just walking along. And I'm so glad we had this time to sort these things out. And another thing I want to talk about is how much I really wanted to say this. And I know you always don't want me to stop. Yeah, we're all having our own little therapy sessions with Jack. Yeah. I just don't know.

Sometimes I see ghosts and I don't know what to do about them. And I think the baby. Thanks a lot, Jack. I really appreciate you listening so well. You guys aren't going to be able to sleep in Liamon's tiny hut tonight. No. How many hours is he like this? Poisoned for one hour and paralyzed while poisoned in this way.

It's just done. So maybe it's like while Red is having like a heart to heart with Jack's paralyzed body that like Jack feeling starts to come back to you. And I just don't know. Sometimes I want what you and Toran have, but not in the same romantic way. I just want somebody to spend my life with him and be buddies with him. Oh, hi. You're all right.

Oh, everything tingles. This is not all right. Red's like, Guys, guys, he's back! Oh. You're right? That's honestly the closest I've been to death for the longest time. Well, since the stone giant?

Yeah, since the tomb tapper? I wasn't. Doran's like, you mean since you fell in the river and couldn't swim out? Wow. That's just like off-camera, something that happened with you guys. My robes are too heavy. Couldn't let the books get wet. Oh, yeah.

Well, Jack, I, uh, I, uh, I'm sorry. I feel like I let you down there by not having that spell. I really should prepare it every day. I don't know. I guess we haven't really needed to use it. It's a calculated risk for sure. The things you can only be prepared for so many things. I wouldn't have expected spiders that move between. I don't know what the hell they did. So the sun sets on your party. You leave this shadowy, spidery area, but you're still just on the foothills leading up to The lost peaks. Yeah, and every once in a while, Red will still climb a tree and take a look at the, are we still getting lost?

Are the tree still moving? No, because you said that you were using Scriven now and then to orient yourself by sending them up to fly. And that's actually a good thing I was thinking too. And I say to Jack, and I'm kind of like, you know, Jack, you would have been a lot more helpful if Kieran was with us. You would have been able to have them be a little bit of your eyes and ears.

Maybe we should bring them back. Sorry, I'm useless. red, let's keep going. That's not what I mean. I mean to say that, like, you know. Jack's going to, like, lead his horse a little bit further ahead. Hmm. It gets dark. You guys set up your hut?

Yeah, I will make myself a little bit useful and perform the ritual to get us a lovely green dome, you know, centered around. Green? Why'd you pick green? Blends in nice with the forest. Why not blue? I can't see it. You know my favorite color is blue. Jack.

Oh. As you settle in for the night. The trees around you are lit by the soft glow of dancing lights, gold and orange and white in the darkness. As they peer near the treetops, big as your fist, they filter down, flitting from branch to branch, flirtatious and inquisitive. It's not until one lands directly on the rim of Liamon's tiny hut that you can make up the svelte limbs and milkweed gown

and chestnut brown hair and moonwhite skin of a luminous fairy. She peers down into the protective bubble as if she, you could see you, her tiny, grateful wings pulsating and fluttering. She's joined by a dozen others, curious and beautiful face, brights dressed in marigold petals and birch bark and whorls of cypress leaves. They bicker with each other in squeaks and trills and pull faces at you through the ceiling of the hut, taking flight and landing again with the agitated energy of a flock of sparrows. I wonder if I can change the color of the hut once the spells cast. I love the idea if they make a face and then the hut goes red, like a bright, brilliant, like, just color underneath their feet,

this huge dome compared to them just entirely changes in response to what they're doing. Sure. Yeah, and you watch as they all, like, take flight for just a second and then land back down on it all at once. What are those? I don't think I've ever seen anything like that before, Red says, like standing up. Hmm, they're like little halflings. I think they're fairies. I reach, like, a hand out of the bubble. Yeah, I mean, I think a couple of them, like, kind of zoom and hover around your hand, like a humming bird might inquisitive maybe not daring to land on you but looking closely and red childlike looks to be he's like a ha ha ha ha a couple of them land on the ground in the fallen leaves and the

forest loam gleaming brightly they begin enchanting the debris around them to form some kind of nest like structure several others have found your horses and are mischievously weaving their manes and tails with juniper berries and yellowed fronds of ferns and grape leaves. After a while, the whole troop of fairies settles down into this enchanted nest that's cozied up against the edge of your tiny hut. And you guys get like a private view of their sleeping forms, hamsters in a pet store. I kind of picture that this isn't late late. And so maybe Doran's sitting by a smoldering fire smoking and watching this kind of all happen and comes inside as the fire smokes out. He says, wow, what a magical evening. What a day. Spiders.

Oh, I'm going to get some rest. Good night. And he just flopped down and passes out. And Red goes to bed as well. They're gone when you wake up. They abandon their little leaf nest, but your horses look really cute. They've got like fay adornments all in them. Red wakes up and walks outside and stretches, and then just...

Stephen walks out, goat version from the bushes. Stephen, did you see the fairies last night? Nah! It's a lot of fun. Let's go, everyone. And he hops on true Stephen with Stephen riding alongside. Jack carefully picks up the fairy nest and takes it over to red. I know you like to have little trophies here and there.

This is a pretty special, fragile little thing. I don't know if you'd want to hold on to it. Oh, I do. Thank you, Jack. It's all, like, magically interwoven stems of grass and whatever. So I put in the bag of holding. Just crush it in. drop it 30 tons of gold on top of it

It's down there with the pieces of the vases From the hump rat household Look it No, I'm just kidding No, I do them I mean, you know, it's ornate and special And Red loves that kind of stuff And yeah, and all the horse tails

are like all braided with the shit fart Looks so dulled up Shepart's never looked more beautiful Looks like he just walked out of a salon You don't look like a shit fart It's like the lion from the Wizard of Oz After he comes out of the After it comes out of Oz.

Brush, brush here, brush, brush there. It's a horse of a different shit color. It's light brown. This is your true shit color, eh, shit fart. Oh, boy. All right, let's ride. Yeah. Yeah, you guys ride all day.

It's magical and beautiful. And we do one of those hobbit songs. Oh, misty eye of the mountain. Yeah, it's time for a hobbit song. That's a dwarf. It's the dwarf songs. No, whatever. As you scale, I mean, you're not like mountain climbing or anything,

but you're definitely sort of on an angle. And you never thought that the shadow top cathedral was on the top of this mountain. Right. As you gain vantage point using the slopes of the lost peaks, you can see now on the horizon a grove of taller trees. There are crowns waving above the other foliage to the north of you. Some of the trees are still in possess.

of the green leaves, and you wonder if this might be Shadow Top Cathedral, the place you've come so far to find. Ah, finally at Shadow Top Cathedral. And now we can rest forever. Shows done. Just kidding. Thank you so much to our great old one and Patreon supporters, Christopher Ryan Evans, Mitchell Cadwell, Charlie McBroom and Merlin See you soon Friend Ouse

What's that What are they doing We should try to land I can see through it Oh it changed color What's happening What's interesting I think it's built

It's not supposed to be able to Did he just change the color? I can see it Look at that dwarf They changed the color Why isn't he in the temp with the others? The color. The color.

Is this all the worse? He destroyed our home! Let's build our house right here. Excellent. He doesn't want us to hear what he's saying. He's saying all the dirty things.