Dice Shame - 6 | 'An Uphill Battle'

Episode Date: November 21, 2019

The sound of marching grows nearer to Nighstone as our Heroes ready for battle... Dice Shame is a podcast that welcomes its audience to the gaming table. There’s nothing quite like getting together with your close friends on game night, getting the snacks out, and rolling some dice together. Right now we’re playing through Storm King’s Thunder, an adventure for D&D 5th edition. Like the games we play at home, we try not to take ourselves too seriously. The show is entertaining, inclusive, and irreverent, while still taking the rules (somewhat) seriously. As for the eponymous Dice Shame? When the rolls get cold—well, you’ll have to tune in to find out! Episodes are released every Thursday at 1:20 am. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Get out of here, spare. You're not welcome. This adventure just keeps getting crazier and crazier. Crouching tower hidden dwarf. Red's just got a fetish. He likes the legs here. Okay, I've found three liters of olive oil. Team Kralov's not down.

It's like round two of combat. He's still standing. My God. Krelat's going to die again. Ho, ho, ho, language. You hold hands and start running. Any ornament, ornament, ornament, ornaments? Ormaments.

Armaments. Armaments. Hello all, and welcome back to Dice Shame. This is episode 6, an uphill battle. The orcs are coming. Are you guys going to succeed? This week's MVP is Mr. Mike Kyle for his amazing support in our Dice Shame Facebook group and more. Thanks, Mike.

Also, if you're in the market for some dice, check out our partners at Paladin roleplaying. Paladin are role players just like us. And so they decide to make Dice. that are good quality, accurate, easy to read, and frankly, drop dead gorgeous. They're beautiful. Check them out at paladin rollplane.com or on Amazon in the US, Canada, and Australia.

Do it now. Are we ready to do this? I think so. Welcome to episode six of dice shay. Woo! Yeah, the theme is just to go woo. Woo, woo. Every time.

Should we just go woo at the beginning? Woo. Woo, woo. Let's just get the fuck right back into it. Yeah, I'm like sliding down the chimney from the outside, and I open the door and I say, a score of orcs is coming from the north. I'm going to raise the drawbridge now.

The drawbridge was actually raised by the Zantaram agents. Perfect. I mean, we need to protect ourselves. This is not something we can fuck. Justin's got this look of terror on his face, like legit terror. I kind of thought... We should have surrendered. Well, I was just for it to say,

this actually might be a good thing to go to Zolk about, but in this cooperative way. Right. And I also think we should talk to the other two guards. And we should also get inside that keep if there's a... That's what I mean. So like, Jack, Kraloth, and Doran

are busily rummaging through the pockets of these dead bandits as red slides down the chimney of this stable post-hastasis. and runs across the square to them. What do you say? Let's run to the keep then. That's the most defensible place here. Kella and Zulkin either are working with the orcs,

in which case we can cut the head off the snake and otherwise we, you know, and then we'll be in the most defensible position and otherwise we got to maybe work with them to get the hell out of here. Did I see any banners flying or anything? There was definitely a war chief of some kind. Wow. Yeah, no, I don't think these are working with this entire arm.

I think this was an equal opportunity employer for the taking of Nightstone. I think everyone was coming in to grab. You didn't really take a lot of time to observe the force? And I wouldn't, because they're coming quick. This adventure just keeps getting crazier and crazier. Let's not hold on any longer.

To the keep, let's run. Let's go. To the keep. Blah, la la la la. Yeah. Into the keep. Yeah, you run down. Do we see the guards as we're like running?

Yeah, yeah. Because you're not making any bones about it. No. You're just fucking running. And they came and talked to us first. So I think I'm going to like, if I see them, I'm going to run over them and talk. And be like, there is a score of oak.

approaching him from the north, and we are going to head to the castle to speak with Zolkin. What? What? Orcs? Yes. How many? A score. How many is that? I mean, it's like, did I say 20? I'd forget. It's about 20.

Yeah, it's about 20. Yeah, it's about 20. Oh, my. Yes, hurry. Well, come on. Yeah, you come on. Buddies! Run!

You hold hands and start running. Definitely. Yeah, we'll run straight to the keep. Yeah, they've put a couple of planks across this broken bridge. it's definitely not in good repair, but it's passable, you know, one at a time if people walk carefully is the amount of repair that they've done to it.

I'm saying we keep the bridge in the repair of that. I think this is going to be like a fight. I think this is going to be a fight at the gate and then a fight at the keep type thing. 20? That's crazy. Orcs, that's double craze. I'm very interested to see how they get across that moat.

I've always wondered. You cross the bridge. Yeah, I think we'd run in. side the keep, and I'd just say, Zolkin, we want a truce. I'm also thinking maybe I'll go to the gates. Yeah, I would join you in that just to see what sort of defenses we have. The front door thing?

Yeah, whether or not there's like a tower with like a ballista on it or something like that. Versus just the keep, yeah. Yeah, no, I think we definitely need to put the assault at the gates first and use the keep as a fallback. Yeah. But I think we need to make sure everyone's on board first. Because if I run in and then you guys go to the front door and Zulkin's like, nope, raise the keep, then we're

fucked. Let's see what Zorkin and We need everybody to fight with us. Say. Keller. Keller and Zulkin. Zokin, we're here to talk. Zolkin emerges from one of the rooms in the keep.

He's got a book in one hand. He's clearly doing some reading from the castle library. I picture him wearing like a robe. Yeah, like a, um, just pajamas. Hugh Heffner. Yeah, yeah. He's got like a golf.

He looks bemusedly at the four of you. What's happening? There's just no time to play, and I apologize, but there's a score. That's 20. Orcs approaching from the north with a war chieftain. Keller, to the roof right now. As you tell you time. And he looks at the two guards that you've brought in with you, and he says, watch them.

No, we're coming to the roof with you. And I think I'd like to follow them up. There's a lot of watching who. There's five of us and four of you. We outnumber you now. You're our prisoners. Now, let's... Do you want to fight about it?

Let's not worry about it. No, no, no, that's not what he meant. Listen, let's just all work on the one problem at hand right now. And we're going to come to the roof with you, too, and see exactly what this sizable force looks like. These guys are very touchy, Jack. He draws both of his scimitars. Okay, and I'm going to...

Can I try to persuade him and be like... Zulkin does. Listen, there is one enemy for all of us right now, and they are approaching them from the north very quickly. If I'm to believe you... Let us go right now, and we can see. You first. Happily, and I speedily go to the roof.

I have no qualms about... I'll go with red. I'll go with red. And I very strongly say to Zolkin, it's best you put your cemitars away. You head up to the top of the keep, and they're right there. They're on your doorstep.

I like that. That's good. And I say, do you see? Fuck! Let us all meet at the gates right now And do as much damage as we can Before falling back to the keep The city will stand

The drawbridge is up You don't think they'll be able to assault it They can try Do we have any way of attacking them from the city So that they don't put us under siege We're trapped in here Your cat has a bow Bingo bingo

Oh right So what say you, Zulkin Do you believe us now Will you put away your petty Petty? Temporarily we are aligned, yes That's what I'm looking for Well, let us join forces And deal with these greenskin

For now For now For now For now No, I'm saying for now No, I'm saying for now For now Wait

Me, then you, for now No, for now Listen, Zokin Zokin, this is very important If we are to survive this We need to be on each other's good sides Do you have any studded leather armor That I could have?

No, what? This is mine. For now. Do you have any, do you have any, any, any, any ornament, ornament, armaments? Armaments. Do you have any armaments at all that you could spare? Words. No.

Damn, you suck. No, you. For now. Are you staying in the keep or are you heading out towards the gates? I am going to heroically begin running towards the gates, very heroicly. with my heroism flying. Anyone else? I'm running more heroic.

No, no, I'm running the most heroic. No, no, no. I am much more heroic. You run quite a bit slower than Red does. So I'm quicker and more heroic. I would say, well, we're probably moving just as... But in different ways. One being heroic and one being regular dwarfish.

And Jack and Kralov exchange a look. And Kraylov just shakes his head and walks across the bridge. No, you come heroically too, friend. Uh, all right, coming heroically. Jack, what are you doing? There's a moment where he's waiting to, like, see what Zolkin's up to, where Kel is going, whether they're trying to bug out or not. You really don't like Zulkin?

No, I don't. But I'm not willing to, like, be by myself with them either. So if everybody else is leaving, there's like, there's just like this pause of like this gravity as he stays to, you know, try and stay in that other situation and then gets pulled along with the rest of you out to the front lines. Yeah, you watch his Zulkin hurriedly runs downstairs and issues orders to the other bandits. He tells them, you, toward the guard towers. We have to keep them at bay. Orks are very dangerous

melee combatants. I whistle to red. Yes. And I say, I don't know if there's time. You mentioned armor. You might want to check out that shop. I don't know. I really did want to check out that shop to be missed. I'm going to run in there quickly on the way down. I mean, I can, I can run into a shop. So you make a real quick diversion, heroically. Doran passes, you know. Yeah. He's like, now he's in the lead. And by the time I'm done, I can still pass him.

Slow and steady. But I'm going to burst into the Kevin Costner shop and I'm going to do a search for some armor. Red, you go into the trading post, Lion Shield Koster, and the 20-foot square store contains a lot of upset. Clearly, goblins have pulled almost everything down off of the shelves and broken a lot of the items in here. There is a dead body of a goblin here that has been slashed to pieces. Really, I want steaded leather armor or leather armor. Not going to find it. Is there anything of use here?

Yes. What? You can find anything on the adventuring gear table in Chapter 5 of the player's handbook. That's worth 10 gold pieces or less. I see a wall of adventuring gear. And I say, most of it is in a big pile on the floor. Yeah, and I'm like, this is good to know. And I'm going to burst back out and I'm going to heroically pass the dwarf.

Okay, heroically. No, and I'm going to shout. I'm going to say, there's a pile of gear in there, perhaps oils and things like that. As you cross the square, you hear splashing in the water of the moat. Yeah, I'm going to climb one of those towers. Yeah, there are two guard towers, one on either side of the drawbridge, and then spaced about every 50 feet or so around the whole circumference of the walled town. there are seven towers total.

Zolkin sent the bandits to the north tower, so we should go to the south one. Okay, South Tower it is. You climb up and as you... Heroically. Heroically. As you reach the crannulated battlements. Alex's... Up into the crenellated battlements?

Alex's eyebrows drew together with a look of consternation. What the hell do you describe to us? What the hell is a consternation? Crenelated means it's like jiggity, jaggedy. It's got the... What does consternation mean? He's like... confused and a little bit worried.

I understand now what Crenelated is. That's your classic, classic castle look. Yeah, it's like up across, down across, up across, down across, in masonry, which you are very familiar with as a dwarf. Of course. This is an instance where Doren knows more than Alex does about something. So I get up there and... You see this force of orcs.

terrifying. Have you ever seen orcs before? Only in movies. I think you have. Doran has. Yes. Oh yeah. That's a scary. Wow. Yeah, no, I've never seen that. So these are gray and green-skinned, hulking creatures with long arms and tusks. Their armor is sewn together, haphazardly pieces of leather and bone and fur, skulls. there is an orc that is larger than the rest of them with some battle tattooing or paint on his face with the largest tusks and he has a long cape made of wolf fur he's carrying a great axe and a spear and he is directing loudly his force of troops this orc seems to be gravely wounded

Oh, perfect. Let's do that. Let's do what. Are we rolling initiative or can we just attack? They haven't noticed you yet. Half of the force of orcs is actually in the water trying to forward this stream. So standing at the south of the group, there is a chieftain, obviously. You said he looks wounded?

Yeah, he looks wounded. Actually, they all look wounded. Perfect. What kind of wounds? Arrows. Elvin arrows? Oh, good question. I mean, that's a tough thing to see

from the other side of a moat. We just zoom in. Actually, you know what? You would know. Yeah, I'm a guild artisan of arrows. That's like the thing I do. I probably would be able to tell by their fletching from like far off, even the color of them.

However, I'm not as concerned. I just want to kill the chieftain as soon as possible because I can check the arrows when they're dead. I'm down with that. It's not going to change anything. Roll for initiative. Jack, what did you get? Six.

Kralov? 14. Red? Eight. And Doran. Five. We all rolled crap. The knight is still with, the guard is still with us, right?

The guards are all in the North Tower. Sorry, the Knightstone Guard. She wouldn't go with them, which she's like anti-Zantar. She can come with you if you'd like. My only reasoning was I'd love to delegate the adventure gear searching to her from that Kevin Costner building. She can totally do that. And all I want to tell her is like, go get as many flasks of oil as you can and see if you can

find some mannequins. Sorry, manacles. Some mannequins. Where are you going with this? I'm not going to put up the mannequins. That's awesome. Red's just got a fetish.

He likes the raccoon. Yeah, I like them. Do like a home alone. Just to say that. Will Rackcon that you told Alara to go do some searching at Lion Shill and Foster? Or you know what? I could just do it now.

I think I should, oh, I want her to find manacles and as many oil flasks as possible. I think those would be. And oil was Jack's idea. I did shout it at you. Yeah. Okay, I found three liters of olive oil.

No, extra virgin. Oh, this is just regular virgin. Red, were you interested in firing a surprise round? Yes, please. Very much so. I think we'd all be like, hey, let's surprise them. But before we do, like, we have a second to just be like, okay, what are we doing? Take out the chieftains.

All right. It's very possible that orcs will stop following them if we take them out. So you have a second to talk about this. And as you do, the orcs who are fording the stream make it up to the end of the wall. And they start to try to climb. What happens next? Let's do it.

I want to cast Hunter's mark on the chieftain. Go for it. That's a bonus action? Yeah. Do you want to take an action or no? Yes, I do. Nice. 23.

That hits. 17 damage. Nice. The orc-war chief takes the arrow to his shoulder and he lets out a guttural cry. Looks up at the wall and sees you red, stares deep into your eyes. And I wink. Bing!

We're still in surprise round? Yes. Because I would like to cast Sacred Flame under numbers 13. How about an 18? That is good. There's six orcs that look to be within five feet of each other, sort of towards the north who are climbing the wall there. There's one spot where you could hit, and there would be three orcs within five feet of that square.

All right. So then I'm going to hold my action until they all. get onto the wall and start climbing within five at each other and clumped together a little bit because I would like to center it on one dude with the one around them. So I'm pulling out my spear and getting it. You're going to hold your action till the orcs go and move? Yeah, as soon as they're, they move together to start climbing the wall and they're all bunched at that wall. I'm going to unleash some magical hell at them. Okay. Doran, did you have a surprise? Yeah, just firing my crossbow. At whom? Uh, uh, the chief based on the suggestion from earlier. So that's

going to be a 17. You hit. Two, three damage. Devastating. It might be enough. The bandits in the North Tower Act now at the top of the round. They fire their bows at the closest orcs, the ones that are at the edge where the drawbridge would be connecting with the land if the drawbridge were down. Both of them connect with their targets, peppering them with arrows. There's one orc that is standing back farther away than the rest of them. He's sort of behind the tree that the four of you rested underneath in episode two. Bad guy, bad guy. He moves in to the riverbank and then casts a spell.

Oh, we should have geeked the mage. It's okay, we still got time. He doly doly do with his hands and he does a doly doly do. a translucent spear appears in your midst, and it's going to make a melee spell attack against you. All of us? No, just against Red. Oh, what?

Red did a lot of damage. 14 to hit? Nope. Ah, yes. The spear swishes through the air right above your head, Red, and this weapon just floats in the middle of you. Misses me, like he missed. So this, like, spear takes a stab at me?

I'm like, fucking what? Get out of here, spare, you're not welcome. And it just floats there in between the four of you, slowly spinning in the air. Get rid of it. Targeting one of you on the next turn. Doran is like flabbergasted. The war chief who you had just struck with an arrow and who nimbly dodged a ray of flame. He's going to make two attempts to skewer.

someone with a spear, Kralov. Okay. Does he got two spears? Yes. Oh. Or just a spear on a rope. Reels the spear back? Well, you should be glad that I'm rolling with disadvantage because one of those dice was a natural 20. Oh, my God. All right. And 18 to hit. That is a hit. Kri-Lat's going to die again.

Eight piercing damage. And he throws his second spear at Jack. Let's do it. And that's 22 to hit. Ooh. Yeah, that's going to do it. 11. Piercing damage. Oh, my God. How are you doing? I mean, I have four hit points left. Oh, boy.

All right. Do we still have that health potion? No, it wasn't a health potion. It was heroic. Oh. But I have cure wounds. You've got currants. I still have two spells.

Kralath, it's your turn. Okay, so seeing that happen, right away, I'm going to reach over and put a hand on Jack, and I'm going to cast cure wounds. Nice. And so you are going to heal, my French. Seven points of damage you get back. Perfect. And then I'm going to take full cover. I'm going to duck down. Okay.

So, that they can't see me. And I'm going to say, get down. So essentially, you just, like, crouch wait down. Yeah, I crouched out. It's the orcs turns. Perfect. I'm going to interrupt them with my ready-to-action. Yes, you do. So... Nice. Jack catches the spear in the shoulder. It hurts a ton. Kralath pulls it out and heals him.

He's sort of got a moment of prescience to himself. He looks out over the orks. Waits till he sees a big clump of them. Pulls out his orb, conjures from it a knife made of ice. It's his own little spear and throws it out towards them, the biggest clump of them. There'll be one in the center who catches the knife, and then it explodes to catch everyone within five feet of him. The person in the middle is their AC 17. You hit. Perfect.

So that guy will take three piercing damage, and then the rest around them, as this thing explodes, need to make a dexterity save or take 12 icy damage. They all fail. Beautiful. 12 damage? Yes. The one in the middle dies. Ooh, nice. That's 15 hit points?

Yeah, 15. Ah! Sug-Zog! We're being attacked. What you all keep? So the orcs essentially spread out along this wooden palisade

and try to climb unsuccessfully. Then they are bludgeoned by spears of ice and fragments of explosions of ice. Spears of ice. Do you don't know spears of ice?

That old The other orcs begin swimming across the river toward where the drawbridge is up. Red, it's your turn. I'm going to fire again on the mister that I have Hunter's mark on. War Chief. Binger, banger, nine. No, you miss. I'm going to...

He's got his eye on you now. Yeah, I'm going to get in the full cover. And because I'm already only four feet, am I like three quarters covered? Yeah, probably, right? You're pretty small. head is above. I mean, six foot seven versus four feet. Jack, it's your turn. Yeah, it looks like a whole bunch of them clumped together right, right below it. So I might, I might throw another. Yeah, you could definitely. Can you do fire damage? I could, yeah. Did the night girl return with the flasks of oil yet?

No. But we're going to make this one a little different. I pull out this time, not a, not a dagger of ice, but I'm going to pull out a dagger of purely beautiful, radiant light. and toss it down towards the center there. And this time, not only, it's not shards of ice that are coming out to pierce them, but it's this lovely, heavenly, holy choir that you almost have to disbelieve to turn away from. And so it's just voices from heaven calling them to look away and turn towards it. So the big intelligence saves instead. So it's a seven to hit the guy in the center first.

Seven to hit? Sorry, 13 to hit that guy. You hit? So it'll be six piercing damage, and then five radiant damage to all the ones who are trying to get out of this heavenly choir. Yeah, there are four surrounding the one that I'm looking at. Including that centered. You said it was an intelligence save? His intelligence save, as this choir calls to them, tells them to turn towards the light.

And what's your save, D.C.? That's a good question. 13. Two misses, three successes. Okay, so the successes are fine, and the misses take five damage. Doran, what happens? Looking around me on the top of this tower, are there any rocks to be lifted and thrown?

Like, no, for that purpose, you know, like dropping rocks? Nope. No dropping rocks. Okay. It's not a good old dropping rock up there? What kind of place is this? I mean, you know, you go to a place. You seem there'd be a nice old dropping rock up there.

Well, you never know. I know. I know. I don't have a bridge. I mean, it's called Knight Stone. You'd think they'd have one. You think that I have a few dropping rocks. So I procure my crossbow from the ground where he was leaning up against my leg there.

And I shoot an arrow down at, uh, oh, is the chief dead yet? No. Oh, let's take a crack at him. Yeah, go for it. Five. To hit? Yeah. No.

You miss. I would have done so much damage. But can he, can he hit with intimidate if he wants to? Absolutely not. Go on. Both of the bandits in the North Tower Fire their arrows down into this crowd of swimming orcs One of them hits and kills an orc

Good job, team Nice. They're doing great. It's the orcasters turn. He's going to use his spiritual weapon to try to hit... I guess we could have tried to move away from that thing, eh? Red again. I didn't even think about it. Yeah.

They fucking misses again. We're doing good, though, guys. Yeah, yeah. Hey, put them in. Put the hands in the center. Hey, all right. I want to hear, I want to use your spirit hand. Use your real one.

There you go. We got this. Team still alive. One, two, three. Team Kralas not down. I'm not dead yet. It's like round two of the back. It's still standing.

Yeah. That's a new record. He then takes a spear off of his back and throws it at one of the bandits in the tower. And the spear flies wide over their heads and clatters into the courtyard behind you. Pink gling, it's the War Chief's turn. He tries to hit Jack

with another spear. Misses the first one, pulls another off of his back, and Blue Dice, white numbers, you have been failing me this whole time, and I don't like making a big deal about it, because I'm behind the

DM screen, but I say right now in front of all of you if you roll one more fucking D1. How many ones have it rolled you're a pathetic little piece of share. This is the second number one that this blue dice white numbers has rolled from this war chief and I'm fucking sick of it. You're useless. So blue dice white numbers, this is the last chance that you have. Yeah, keep tuning you. I love you shaming. We love you so much. Don't stop. Don't stop. Krayloth, what happens next? Do you see these

two spheres zip overhead? The spiritual spear tries to stab down at red and he rolls out of the way. We have a moment where I just glance up And I happen to be looking at red Because we're both on our bellies Yeah, we're all both on our bellies Hey buddy Are you playing wiggle worms? Yes, we're playing wiggle worms

We can't do the regular old one too But I got another one too in store I'm in. All right, and I jump up And I spin towards the war chief So I'm using my movement to jump up For the war chief that's injured I'm going to cast guiding bolt

A guiding bolt Brilliant Let's see It's a nine No, you miss. Well, there goes my last level one spell. On a miss, nothing happens. Poor Kralath, he jumps up.

He's like, guys do this! And then it's like, do you. Do any of you speak orcish? No. No. The orcs who are in the water swim toward the wall and start trying to climb. The orcs who were already trying to climb that are north of the drawbridge, frustratedly turn back toward their leaders and shout something at them.

Then the leader shouts back, and they begin swimming back across the moat. Red, it's your turn. I'm going to attack the war chieftain again. Get them. Take them down. Yeah. I'm going to take them downtown. Take them down.

Downtown. Rolling my dice right now. Nice. Yeah, that hits. That's a 24 to hit. Yeah. That's going to be 14 damage. Yeah, he's not looking great.

Nice. Good hit, good hit. A very palpable hit. Jack, it's your turn. Standing up from behind the crenellations for a minute to sort of survey the battlefield, I think he also sees that warlord on the back there and pulls out his orb and holds it out to him. and, you know, that sonorous hum, that big bell tolls from it, and it just tries to call his spirit from that.

Great call. You can make a wisdom saving throw, or take 10 damage, please. That succeeds. 17. Yeah, definitely succeed. Doran. Man. Well, Doran has got a little trick up his sleeve,

not really same crossbow shot. Do you mean to throw you down? No, I don't think that would be very good. That'd be a terrible idea. A seven to hit? No. I'm just like trying to stand up and get that crossbow over the edge. It's not working.

The bandits from the tower again fire down and both miss. And the castor and the war chief retreat. They move back 30 feet calling to their forces. Kraloth. Okay, so they've retreated. How many orcs have we killed so far? Two. Are there any climbing the wall right now?

No, they've all abandoned that effort, and most of them are in the water. In the water, do they have any, like, saving throw disadvantages, like, dexterity saving throw? I don't think swimming imposes a dexterity disadvantage. Just kind of realistically thinking about it. Yeah, realistically, it would make sense because, like, how do you dodge when you're swimming? It's really hard to dodge when you're swimming. Have you tried dodging while swimming?

Yeah, I get shot at constantly. Yeah. Mainly while swimming. Dropping rocks? Yeah. Just dropping rocks. They're not only dropping rocks here. What the fact?

They only got these throwing rocks. I mean, there's nothing. Oh, we got throwing rocks of girls, but not dropping rocks. What do you think this is? The rock emporium? We got dropping? No, we got throwing. There's nothing in the official rules about swimming conferring a dexterity disadvantage.

The rules are wrong, okay? Well, then I'm fine with just letting my flame-like radiance descend upon them anyways, and they have to roll a dexterity savings. Maybe it'll boil the water? Just a random dude. One that's been damaged. Sure. Already. I don't think Sacred Flame is fire.

I think it's like radiant. Oh, you're right. Yeah. It's just a really misleading name. Preferably, one that has one HP left. That's a natural 20. Okay. So they, wow, how do they dodge that?

Can you describe that? He dives into the water. He sees you raising your hand up. and he goes, and the water's like black. It's like super muddy, gross water. Right. There's no like it's too.

It's all full of shit. That's what happens. Yeah, it's poop. Uh, yeah. Poop water. It's all coming in from water deep. The orcs all use their movement to get up onto the riverbank. It is now Red's turn.

I'm going to kill the chieftain. I'm going to use my advantage. Inspiration. I mean, inspiration, starbursts. What's that, right? It's really good for audio. It's really good because my son unwrapped it days ago. Days ago.

but didn't eat it because he knew it would be wrong. He just wanted to see what's inside. 17 to hit. You do. Nine damage. No. Oh. You get him in the leg and you cause him to stumble forward, but he catches himself, Jack.

Is he within 60 feet? Or where he's way out there? He's farther than 60 feet. So then just one of the injured orcs running away. I'm going to take that orb of mine and try and call his soul into it. This little orb of mine. I'm going to make it shine. So you can make me a wisdom saving.

We'll save wisdom savings. Seven. Seven will fail so we can take six damage. Fuck yeah. Big tone calls his soul from his body. Doran. Question. Yes.

What does 80 over 320 mean for a crossbow? So within 80 feet, you fire normally. Yeah. Between 80 feet and 320 feet, you fire with disadvantage. Okay. Anything beyond 320 feet, you cannot hit. Is it ineffective? Okay.

Do I use disadvantage here? He's pushing 90, as you just said. He's that old? So I'm just going to go after the chieftain then. Okay, so two. Never mind. Wow. The bandits fire again at the orcs that are just climbing up on the riverbanks.

Go bandits. And kill two of them. Oh, my God, these bandits are doing us in. Wow. Hell, we just just step back. Imagine if we kept the other two of us on us. Maybe you should just turn and start attacking the band. We're with the orcs, no.

The war chief and the caster move farther away. They're probably out of range now. Nope. Red's shaking his head. I'm going to kill it. Yeah, I can get that. Krayloth. All right.

Well, they're out of my range. Not a whole lot I could do. So I'll just cast Sacred Flame again on one of the... Injured ones? Yeah, one of the injured ones. There's one that's very severely injured, and there are three that are mediumly injured. I'll go for the severely injured one, please. Okay.

Yeah. I have to make a dexterity save. Versus 13. That's a seven. Then they take four damage. Then they die. Pazooji. Kri Loth killed something. Yay!

Hey! Pazoo! It was their time, obviously, because... It was their time. Yeah. Yeah, so the orcs now begin dashing back toward their... Um, master. We've successfully defended Knightstone.

Almost. Almost. Healed his chief. Would you like to take another turn? Yes, please. Yes. Oh, yeah, baby. That's 18 plus seven.

Fuck yeah. Uh, that's going to be nine damage. You explode his head with your arrow. Oh, okay. So Red like takes, like, reels the bow back and like watches this chieftain running off across the field. And he like very calmly just adjusts for distance. he brings the end of his bow up. He's like, a little more, like a little higher.

And like everyone's kind of done fighting at this point. All the orcs are retreating. He's like, and there we go. And just, boom. It's like quiet for like a minute. This guy's just running across the field. And it just like pins through his skull, through his lower jaw, and right into his foot. And for a second he stops and then falls over dead with his like foot awkwardly staying pinned to the ground where he died.

And I'm like, how good. Now, what do we do? Do we go talk to Xanaac? What's the name? Zulkin. Zulkin? You'd be great at like naming meditations. Yeah, why don't we, why don't we, I mean.

These, the orcs recede into the distance. They enter the woods of the Ardip Forest and you can't see them anymore. You presume they're still out there somewhere. Yeah. What do you do now? The question really is, What do we want to do with the Zentari that are... Zentarim.

Let's see, here I am mocking you for not nobody's name Zentarum. Our options are we, like, kill them. We let them stay here, but we also want to get to the townsfolk. And my thinking is we finish whatever we have to do in Nightstone and then hightail it on horseback to the caves. Now that we know that the four of you are fairly competent in ridding dwellings of goblins, we can kind of hand-wave that stuff if you'd like. Yeah.

But as far as dealing with Kella and Zolkin, they are more complicated combatants. So what do you want to do? Well, let's for sure clear the town of Goblins and like the like. And I think essentially go and face Zella and. Oh my God. Kella and Zola and Zola. Kela? What did I say Zella?

You said Zella. Zena and Factor. Zelda and Tolkien. That's their relationship name. off the heat of battle Red slides down the ladder and goes to the other Zentorum and he's like,

good show, boys, we showed those orcs, what for? Well done. Yeah, so obviously we've pulled our way. Maybe we can all even out the score here. You should talk to Zorkin. He'll decide. Bingo, bingo.

That's what I'm suggesting. We talk to Zulkin. And I think we then go about... I'm thinking as we clear the goblins, we'll talk about what, because I know Jack is not okay with this. I mean, there's a moment where Jack almost stopped to go try and, like, explain to the bandits, the fuck are you doing working for these guys. We can find you a better job somewhere else.

But, like, he just stopped himself because he didn't want to get too preachy. Last, just, Zolkin's the guy you're going to pick to work for? I don't get it. Are you going to try to convince them? No, I, but there's a moment where he wanted to. So, so here's the question for you then, Jack. While we're ridding the town of, of goblins and we're chatting. Well, we're doing the work. Do, and you too. We're all. form us together. Are you going to be convincing us that we should all kill, uh, Zellick? No, I, it's tough. It would be, it would be really great if they just got on horses and rode away never to come back. But that being said, I don't know how much time we can, we can spend wasting

or, I mean, it's good to clear the town, but there's a whole town full of people trapped for these goblins in the mines somewhere or the caves. Like we, I think we do a quick sweep. We talk to Zolkin and then we GTFO. Do we have time for, well, let's say, take an hour? Well, I would say, like, I am totally fine. I didn't take anything. Yeah, you got swung a couple times, too. You're lucky. And I'm thinking, uh, uh, Doran, you need a break as well. Oh, no, you're okay. That's right. So I guess it's just, I took damage. Yeah, I mean, I got a spear wound. I'm nursing in my... So why don't you guys take it easy? And then Doran and I will clear out some of the easier building. Sure. So Jack and Kralath, you each want to take a short rest. Where do you make

yourself safe and restful. I'm gonna stay in the tower. Okay. I'm gonna stay in the tower and... Keep watch, maybe? Yep. And I think Doran and I will bring the Nightstone Guard with us

because I would love to sort of pick her brain a little bit and just be like, so you can't be all right with these Zalarin, whatever the name is. Zoltar. God damn. You're throwing me off, Dorn. Zentar.

Centaurim. The centars. Zoltar. Centors. You know what? You're just, you're not all right with them. Obviously, you must hate the fact that you had to surrender to them. What should we do?

We know where the townsfolk are. You do? Yes. Where are they? In a cave. Where I don't know. Oh. But Jack does, and he's just taking a little nap.

How do you know? We questioned a goblin. Shit. What? Yeah, there's some caves north of town. That's where this sort of fallback plan is. Right. If the goblins know about them, then the townsfolk are in trouble.

Well, and we have to go there right away. I guess what we want to do is figure out a way to walk away from this Zolkin in a way that leaves everybody hunky dory so that when we return with the townsfolk, they'll let the drawbridge down and let them back in. I mean, I can't say this around Jack, but luckily he's upstairs sleeping. I kind of think maybe just letting the Zalaran be in the charge of this place for a little while might be worthwhile. What if I stay here? That way, there's someone on the inside who can lower the drawbridge when you return. That's a great idea.

that you traded science. No, I should go. If you had my boat, I'd say we'd kill them. No, I think she's right. Once we return with this town's folk, as long as we have her in the inside and let them drawbridge back down, we can overwhelm them quite easily. So then, let's go to the caves once

they're arrested. So, yeah, we'll keep sweeping the town and when these two are up, we'll... I'd like to kind of like pick pockets, too, not of anybody living, but anybody anybody... Some old-fashioned looting.

Yeah, why not? Do you want to go back into the hayloft and loot the body of that goblin? Yes. Because you gave us the option. Right. That goblin's name was derp, by the way. The hayloft goblin. Derp, the hayloft goblin.

Derp, the hayloft goblin. He has a coin pouch that holds one copper piece. Wait, it's a coin pouch that only holds one copper piece, or it's just a copper piece and it's a very... It's a very small, it's like one of those pouches you have for tokens. I love it. I'm going to keep it. I'm going to fill it with black powder and tie it to the end of the firebone.

He's also carrying a wooden box engraved with the symbol of the lion shield coster. Kevin Kossner. I smash it up. No, I open it softly. Packed inside it are 10 silvered darts. Cool. Yeah, let's take that shit. That's dope.

You want to hold on to it? Yeah, I got good range. Poison dart maybe. Are they poison? That would be my idea. Silvered. They're so silver. Oh, we're so stupid.

Did you want to go back to Lion Shield, Koster? It's honestly, it's a chain. They're throughout Feroon. There's a couple in a big city, one in every small town sort of thing. Lion Shield Koster. Its sign is a gold lion on a blue shield. I mean, come on. That was a little on the nose.

Lion shield, Koster. So that trading post, as I told you, they have a lot of adventuring gear there. Did you guys want to salvage anything specific from that? I mean, she must have by now put the manacles and the flasks of oil aside because she never ended up coming back with them. She got confused. She went to the store for milk and she was like, wait, what? I didn't bring a sharp ring list. She got mannequins, as I asked.

Yeah. There are four flasks of oil and two sets of manacles. Yeah, we'll take them. And I've got the one copper piece. Just so you know. I think it was silver. It's copper. Oh, you're right.

Sorry. I want the pouch. I put it down. Up until this point, you haven't actually been inside any of the farm residences yet. But there are quite a few cottages here that you would presume belong to the residence of Nightstone. Did you want to go into the houses as well? Yeah, we might as well. Just do a sweep.

So I'll tell you a little bit about each of the houses and you, are you just going to try to go into all of them? Yeah. I mean, this is the looting phase. As many as you can do in an hour. Yeah. We have a couple conversation on top of the tower. They have to rest anyway. There are residences A through H.

I'll let you do three of them thoroughly in an hour. Oh, which ones do we want to do, Doren? A through H, let's say three of them. Oh, yeah, A through H. Doran, I really like the letter F. I love the letter F. Well, let's do that one. And D.

Well, that's for Doran. You silly goose. One more. Let's do, well, I love D. D for, oh, you already said that one, G, G, sounds good to me. 4D, that's the farm, it's got a fenced in potato and turnip garden. It's an undamaged cottage, but a rock has fallen onto the garden, and underneath the rock, you see the crushed remains of a human farmer.

The cottage door hangs open, and as Doran and Red enter, they see that the belongings have all been thoroughly turned. The places in shambles, goblins have been here. Okay. Well, I'm looking for pieces of gold. Can I reach under or check the body? You can't reach his pockets

because he's been crushed by a boulder. But you can tell from the skin of his hand. That he was really rich. He was a potato and turnip farmer. So yes, extremely wealthy. Golden tubers, these. there's a pumpkin and squash garden behind this cottage many of the gourds have been decimated by they've been squashed yes they've been hollowed out and smashed they're gorgeous

they're gorgeous the cottage door hangs open it's undamaged but has been thoroughly ransacked we really did not luck out all right and we'll go to G. There's a cottage that has locked shutters over its windows. This seems good. The door has row upon row of ornate runes burned into it. Ooh. Do you understand, tell me your languages.

I speak common, elvish, and giant. Dwarven and common. No, neither of you can translate this script. Can I roll to see if I recognize the script? Sure. Probably Elvis. What would it be a role of? Intelligence rule.

17. Which is really good because I have a minus one in intelligence. You do not recognize the alphabet of the runes that are inscribed on this door. I mean, do I get a sense of verboten? Is that the word? Verboating. Not one that you'd use in this context. Am I worried?

I don't know. You tell me. Can I roll inside on a door? Sure. Let's do it. Inside on the door. It's lying. 20.

It looks decorative, but they are certainly runes. Don't, why don't you get to open that door? It's covered in runes. I never took you as a scatty cat. Well, I've known many of them, because I am on. I kick the darned. It's locked. Yeah, I kick hard.

What's for? behind the spooky door. I don't know, but I do know that if you want to find out, you better throw five big stars on that rating, or consider supporting us on Patreon. Doing so would be so perfect. Get it like a cat.