Dice Shame - 7 | 'The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Grease'

Episode Date: November 28, 2019

Our heroes seek out the missing townsfolk and run into a sticky situation... Dice Shame is a podcast that welcomes its audience to the gaming table. There’s nothing quite like getting together with your close friends on game night, getting the snacks out, and rolling some dice together. Right now we’re playing through Storm King’s Thunder, an adventure for D&D 5th edition. Like the games we play at home, we try not to take ourselves too seriously. The show is entertaining, inclusive, and irreverent, while still taking the rules (somewhat) seriously. As for the eponymous Dice Shame? When the rolls get cold—well, you’ll have to tune in to find out! Episodes are released every Thursday at 1:20 am.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Doren, this is a terrible idea. Chances are this is a hostage situation. How much do you know about hell? I guess I got a... I didn't even know where to start. Yeah, they may want some of these gems or this gold or this chicken or this saffron. Two heads together and are better than one apart.

Nubb, get out of my cave. This is Gog. Gog's cave. Oh, Shane, Shane, Shane, Shane. Shame on you. It's go time. Welcome back to Dice Shame. Episode 7, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

Frankly, that sounds gross. MVP this week is night-tide for his interesting fan fiction regarding the wiggle worms discussed in previous episodes. It's, yeah, interesting. Thank you to all who came to our gaming night at Chronicle Brewing Co. in Bowmanville. We ran some games, had some laugh. drank some drinks and drinks, and some amazing craft beer was had by all. I had a great time. If you're east of Toronto, head out to Chronicle Brewery in Bowmanville and give them our love.

And join us for the next one. Shall we kick it old school? Let's kick it. Guys, Kraloth killed somebody. I killed a thing that wasn't a goblin. And you weren't unconscious. I've gone two episodes without falling. It was a big fight.

It was a big fight. There was a score. A whole score of orcs. And now I know what a score is, so we all learned something. Drilled it in your head there. It's good. Fun and educational. So, recap, Dorn and I were going door to door with some buildings, and we were in front

of a room covered door that Dorn was going to kick down. What were, what were Jack and Kralath talking about while resting on their hour? What's, like, going on back there? Kralas, do you ever worry about Red Soul if we were to die? I've never got the sense that he believes in a God, and, all right, it's not. up and clear, and I'd hate for him to be trapped in the wall of souls. I mean, I've been as close to death as I ever have been today. I mean, certainly you've got to be familiar with it. Do you know what he believes happens afterwards? I'm not entirely sure. We've never actually

talked about that. I'm pretty sure he believes that it's just nothing. Oh, but it's definitely not nothing. Well, I mean, it's not really going to matter. At the end of the day, what happens is gonna happen and he's got eternity to deal with it and figure it out. Doren, you don't kick very hard. You know what? I'll attack the door with my axe. Oh, that's a good idea. Okay. This is how we die. You guys do have a wizard in your party, by the way. So what do I use the strength, I guess? You would attack. Oh, right, right, right, right. So 15 to hit, yeah? Yeah. And then, uh, I really hope it's not moving. And then a 12. Okay, you deal 12 damage. Yeah. You land your axe. deep into the wooden door

and you have dealt it a mighty blow. And I say here's Doren! Do you want to continue axing the door till it breaks open? Yeah. Great. Okay, we just do that. It's not going to dodge you or counter-attack. As he's doing it, I'm just like, Doran, is this a terrible idea?

Well, that's when Doren just looks back at you and gives you like this glaring, like, you are the one who told me to fucking do it. Let's do inside adventure. The inside of the cottage holds a lot of personal effects. there's a nice bed with a colorful comforter on it. There are herbs hanging in the windows.

I just realize I've now just become a petty thief by breaking into this person's house for no reason. There's a wooden chest at the foot of the bed. I open the wooden chest. Grudgingly, Lee. I'm already in here. You found a golden holy symbol of a god you don't necessarily recognize. A healer's kit and a potion.

I take the healer's kit, leave the golden thing. The golden holy symbol? Yeah. You take the golden holy symbol? Can I roll anything to see if there's anything? You can roll a religion check. Just in the off. Nope, I don't know.

And then I, but I turn to red and I say, I don't think that's appropriate. We've already, we've already destroyed this person's door. You just axe down a door. That's what I'm saying. Leave this religious symbol. Chess did you just take? A healer's kit for us. And a potion.

Adventures. Fine. Give me the potion then. Yeah. Have the potion. Fine. Fucking cat. Yeah.

You chopped it down. Whatever. All right. We leave. There's nothing else in the house. We're going to get to the cave and there's going to be someone there. Oh, if I only had my golden holy symbol, I can save everyone. It feels very sky room.

Maybe I should take it. The potion is red and glimmers when it moves. That's totally a healing potion. That's such a healing potion. So we'll keep that. All right. I'll take back to the others. so when we return

and Jack is rested I'm going to pull a scrap of paper and I'm going to draw the holy symbol and say Jack Jack old buddy old pal old friend do you recognize this symbol there I got an 18 on a knowledge religion or religion check

I know you know all these things we ended up breaking down a door and stealing all the shit it's a five-sided star with two horns protruding you would recognize that to be the holy symbol of Esmodius oh wow you found this

symbol, huh? Yes, that's what I said. Just like that, with the five, the horns and the five... What's wrong, Jack? You seem a bit spooked. How much do you know about hell? I guess I got to I didn't even know where to start. I know it is a curse word.

Nope, that's not going to help me. Devils? You've heard of devils. So he's a good guy or a bad guy. Definitely a bad guy. Definitely like the king of the bad guys. Well, we found this Golan symbol in someone's house back there. Oh, no. Should we take it? No.

You would know Asmodius to be a lesser deity whose alignment is lawful evil. Yeah, the king of devils, the Lord of Hell, the one of the greatest schemers out there, definitely bad news. Did you find out whose house this was? No, I don't even know how to.

I mean, it's got healers kits in it. It had a bunch of runes on it. I try to maybe draw out some of the runes. You know what? Maybe we should get that symbol. Why don't I run back? I'll grab it and I'll meet you at the front door. See if you can find any doctor.

documentation letting us know who would live there. And I'm going to run back to the house. I'm going to grab whatever else is in the chest. And I'm going to take a quick look to see if there's any documentation if maybe the guy left his driver's license out or something. No. Is there a mailbox? There is a cot on one side of the cottage that's folded away and a bed.

So you would presume probably at least two people live here. And from the herbs drying in the windows, you would presume this house probably belongs to the village healer. So the village healer is a demon worshipper. A devil worshipper. It's very different. Well, I don't really believe in any of that nonsense. Jack and I exchange a look.

Other than the one that Krayloff believes in. What's the name of that one? You know, Billy Bob. I think, are we going straight to the caves then? Yeah, I think we decided against horses because it was dangerous. We've got to get out of town. Yeah, we've just kind of make this move. Did you want to go and say goodbye to Kellan Zulkin?

No, I think the idea was that the Dragonstone Guard said not to. So how do you make your escape from town? What did I say? Dragonstone. Same difference. No, there's very different stones too. Well, the Nightstone Guard that came with us, did she already go back to Kalinen? Are there anybody else that can lift the gate after we're gone?

Oh, you know what? I can climb the walls pretty easily. So why don't we lower the gate, let them, I will put it back up and I'll climb over. Yeah. Let's do that. So we closed the gate behind us. Great. And then I'll scale the walls.

And then I want to check that chieftain for any of his goodies. Right. You want to loot that. Yeah, definitely. Loot that. And any of the other orcs, really. I mean, there was a few that died. Yeah, they're carrying orc quality weapons,

which is not something that you would gleefully advertise to a potential buyer. Yeah. Meaning they're not super valuable. They have spears, great axes. Yeah. They're like, they're like carved out of bones. They have some fucked up chain mail. It's all very messy.

Doren says as it works fine. Nothing magical or of note. Okay, I will collect whatever arrows I can if any of them had arrows. I know some of them. Oh, and I'll check the type of arrows that were in them. So smart. These are elven arrows. Aha.

So that's obviously good to know, but also dangerous, I suppose. Let's start heading towards the caves. Marching, marching, marching. But what I'm going to do is I want to track. where the orcs moved from. And I think follow that so long as it is on course of the caves in the middle it deviates head towards the caves because I want to make sure we don't go through the same path that they did.

Roll survival. Happily. And I can roll with advantage because they are humanoid. They are my favorite enemy and I have advantage to strike. So that is going to be a 16. With a 16, you do detect all of the footprints from the orc war party that had fled the forest and then fled back into the forest.

after being rebuffed by your arrows from Nightstone. You also find some older footprints, about three days old. You see that they travel into the forest at a slightly different angle than the ones that the orcs left. I would imagine that the townsfolk knew how to navigate the forest better than the orcs did. And I would almost promise that these were the townsfolk's tracks. Perhaps we should follow them. Well, I'm going to, so I've got a piece of paper that I'm sort of mapping things out, taking what Bito told us into what I understand of the land and sort of track as many,

you know, trajectories on it as I can. And just try and make sure we're headed in the same way. If it looks like one set of tracks lines up with where Bito told us the caves were, that's definitely the way to follow. Yeah, putting your knowledge together with Reds, you can pretty easily see that the other footprints, these older ones, were heading toward the caves. Yeah, you're right, Red. These ones go right towards the caves.

Two heads together and are better than one apart. It's an old tabaxi saying? What is? Never mind. So the autumn colors are beautiful. It's Alliant 26, the fading. So the colors of the trees are beautiful here in Faroon, oranges and reds and yellows.

But it does make traveling quietly a little bit more difficult because of this crunchy layer of leaves underfoot. Are you traveling stealthily? I am a natural explore as a rainier. Danger. Difficult terrain does not slow my group's travel. The group cannot become lost except by magical means. Even when engaged in other activity while traveling, such as foraging, we remain alert to danger. If I'm traveling alone, I move stealthily at a normal pace. When forage, you find twice as much food as you normally would. While tracking other creatures, you also learn their exact number, their sizes, and how long ago they passed through the area. So do you want to travel stealthily? I don't know exactly how stealthily I can travel. Yeah, I'm not what you would call stealthy. I mean, if you wanted to scout ahead and then come back.

I trust your judgment red, you're the one who's most at home here in the forest. Take us the way you want to take us. And I smell the woods. What kind of creatures would be run into in this forest? Well, I'll tell you exactly. You can roll a nature check. With a 15 plus negative one. 14.

Does anybody have in nature? I would say that to like Jack and... I also got a... 13, so we're... I mean, the standard woodland creatures that you would approach in Feroon, you would see stag, boar, bears, badgers. It's like... Giant spiders.

It's like Northern Europe situation. I think moving together as a party makes the most sense. I don't think we need to necessarily sneak. No. I agree. Just keep moving. In fact, I think, and maybe Jack would agree, speed might be the best way about this. And in this particular case, I'm taking...

I'm going to bring up the rear. I'll lead. I'll take the front. Well, I mean, we'll lead. We'll lead to get the tracking. Jack, you're in the middle. Story, I like it. Kraloth and Red at the front.

Then Jack in the middle and Doran. And additionally, I think I'm going to be looking just to see if the traveling party ran into any combat or any issues like that. Anything that would make me feel that the town's poke would sort of just randomly going through here, because right now I'm trusting the fact that they knew something we didn't by moving. While he's doing that, I'm going to be looking more for any threats, potential threat. potential threats that are lurking in the shadows, traces of that.

Roll another survival check for me, and roll perception check for me, Krayalath. I only got an eight. Okay. That would be a 21. Red, as you follow these footprints, you can tell there are 30 villagers that you're tracking, and there are a number of adults and also a number of children.

Nothing about the track seems... They seem hurried. Actually, at some places that a child falls, you can see that they've tripped over a rock or a stump and have been dragged a couple of paces before taking to their feet. Despite the fact that we knew that they were running from giants, I think I'm going to suggest matching their pace as well.

I mean, we're already sort of moving fast, but I think maybe part of moving to the forest is moving quickly as well. You've been traveling through the woods around nightstone, the Ardeep Forest for a couple of hours. It's early afternoon by this point. And you come to a particularly dense stretch there are pine trees speckled between the boughs of red maple and oak you see a tall hill

this rocky hill is topped with pine trees it's very large and there's a gaping cave mouth on the south face of it how far away from it are we roughly we'll say you're about 60 feet away who is going to go in and make acquaintance. Do you think they left any sentries, the goblins? It depends on how fortified they are in there. I mean, they could have the townsfolk all tied up, or the townsfolk could just be waiting. Chances are this is a hostage situation.

If Bido knew that the other goblins were with the villagers, chances are they're being held. Perhaps we should try to simply negotiate with them. Do we have something that the goblins might value, something that we could trade? I mean, I can't imagine what the, but the one with the townsfolk I mean, goblins don't typically eat people, do they?

No, no, I'm saying that they were sacking the village for a reason. Yeah, they may want some of these gems or this gold or this chicken or this saffron. I mean, knowing what we took from these beastly ghouls. Let's find the villagers and make sure they're okay. And then if we need to negotiate

that's great. I just think the minute we go in there, it's going to be combat-centric. It could be, but I love the taste of goblets. I really got to stop saying that. I'd rather take on goblin. then those orcs. Let's try to talk to them, but I think you're right. Most goblin interactions we've had have not been peaceful once. And you don't have your owl, I noticed. No, I sent Kieran to Waterdeep with a message. I just mean to say it might be smart to figure out some way to scout up ahead, but I suppose

there's no real options we have. Well, it's dark in there. You feel like you could sneak in and I'd have to shed my armor. So it would be a purely reconnaissance mission, but I could do it. It's certainly going to be impossible for you as a human, Kralath, to see when you are in the cave without some light source. It might not be a bad idea to send you in red. No one has leather armor, do they? Not on me, no. I would be willing to doth my armor and do a bit of a reconnaissance mission

and then slip back out. I help you doth your armor. Oh, so it's just happening. You're like taking it on me. Well, okay. Yeah, you know armor so well, you're just like, yeah, I think if I do, Yeah, yeah.

I think if I do a little reconnaissance inside the cave and sort of get an idea for a layout, not too far, and then come back out and then we can assault the cage. You'll be able to follow footprints and stuff too. That's my thinking. How far away from the cave do Doran, Jack, and Kralov's day? 120 feet. I was thinking closer than that.

Yeah, I was thinking just around the outside that I could have my back against the wall. And, yeah, I can have my back against the wall and look in if I need to. Yeah, and that way it gives us kind of a one way to worry about. Okay. Okay, so you have your backs to the cave entrance, and you have Red out of his armor.

Red, what do you do? I'm going to just sneak in just a teensy bit, so wish me luck. Good luck, Red. And most importantly, don't open your mouth. How do I answer that? Roll a very important stealth check. You got this, buddy. You don't want to give me your advantage, do you?

I'm just teasing. If it's an option, absolutely, take inspiration. No, don't. No, it's done. It's before the roll. You save it. You want me to take it? Go for it.

Rob, you're going to give me your inspiration? Have some inspiration. Okay. It's not going to be very long before Rob gets another inspiration anyway. Yeah, that's true. I think I ate mine at the end of last. Here we go. This is a big one.

And I'm rolling Chester. 18. Nice. Thank you, Rob. You're welcome. Red, you crawl into the dark of the cave and you disappear from your friend's sight. as you round the corner. You see a wide open cavern that extends farther than your dark vision allows, but you do see that there are several stalagmites on the ground that seem to create a kind of forest in the center of this

cavern upon ledges that circle the perimeter of this open cavern several goblins perch with bows looking around there are sentries oh boy also to your left you hear a terrible scorching noise there is an awful looking creature it's about twice your size red with huge broad shoulders, a shallow forehead, dumb yellow eyes, and huge muscles. It's an ogre, and it's bathing in this huge vat of mud. And I'm going to turn around, and I'm going to crawl back out, and the minute I'm out of earshot, I'm going to be like, they have an ogre. Okay, guys, what do you do now?

you are in front of the caves where you think the villagers are. Indeed, their footprints lead in, but red, doing his scouting, has seen some tactical placement of goblins. They're on ledges up on the walls

of this cave with bows, looking around vigilant. He's also seen a male ogre slurping around in a giant mud pond. And I just for everybody to back up.

There's an ogre inside, a giant ogre, and there's no way we're going to be able to fight him. We need to rest, we need to take some time. Let's pull off camp for the night. I know, Jack, I know. I understand. You're looking at me with those big soft dye eyes. I could take a few minutes to tighten up everybody's armor while we're out here as well.

Fix any bits of chain mail myself that are coming loose. Okay, so let's pull off like half a mile or something. camp and I think we're going to rest. You guys want to take a long rest? Do you guys want to advance to level three? Oh my God. Woo-hoo! No, I'm okay.

No, no, now that I'm thinking about it, it's too much of trouble. What did you roll? Rob just rolled. I got a six for some hit points. That's amazing. The reason why you should roll your hit points there. Rob is strongly advocating. Pick one thing that you're excited about.

We'll move around the table. So I have primeval awareness in this character. That's so fucking clutch. Yeah, which is really cool. I also have colloquium. I basically do another 1D8 damage if they're below their max HP, which is really nice because we're going to be fighting an ogre. And then my primeval awareness is really neat.

I have a favored enemy awareness, which means basically I can spend an uninterrupted minute and sense how many of my favorite enemy are present within five miles. Happens to be that my favorite enemy are humanoid, which means I should be able to tell how many townsfolk are in the cave, which is amazing. And I can also communicate with the beast. They recognize me as a kindred spirit. Hey, the ogre's not a beast per chance, isn't it? No.

I'm going to roll. Ooh, you're rolling for hip-hats? You're rolling a D-10? Yeah. Okay. Hey, all right. Nine. Wow, 38.

Beefy boy. Is that your favorite thing about being a third-level fighter? Yes. Almost, almost my favorite. Other than my martial archetype, I have taken combat superiority, which means I have four superiority dice. When I use them, I can do a maneuver.

So you get a new resource that you can spend on cool tricks. Exactly. Cool, cool, cool. Rob? So during this break, Jack had some inspiration about how he might tackle an ogre and scrolled two quick spells down into his spellbook. He has learned how to levitate people. Oh, that's so fucking big.

And how to summon a flaming sphere and roll it around and crush some baggagos. Justin, what's cool with Kralath? I get three cant trips normally. But I also get Spare the Dying from my grave domain feature, which I was just counting as one of the three, but it's not one of those three. Oh, so you incorrectly built your character, and now you have a free cantrip to just choose. And I'm going to choose light, which I can cast in a certain spot. That isn't right where I am. Amazing.

So you've been unnecessarily hobbling yourself to this point. Yeah, but I mean a cantrip. Okay, and then I also get level two spells. Jack, you wake up before everyone else in the morning. I mean, before even Krayloff, who is usually first up to prepare his spells, he likes to do some morning devotionals. But you have your own reasons for this. Morning is the time Jack likes to get up.

He looks at the sun sort of says a quick prayer to Lathander and then calls back Kieran his owl from Waterdeep, summing it into this pocket dimension and then back out, hopefully with a message from Torin and news that help is on the way. He affectionately nuzzles your hands as he pulls himself out of nowhere, this owl that you love. And you can tell from the clattering sound from within the scroll tube that there is a letter inside. Yes, and I take a minute to, you know, way to go, Kieran. Thank you so much for making that journey.

No problem. You were missed. Thanks. And I open up the scroll tube and see what it says. dated Eliant 26. My Jack, imagine my surprise upon reading the contents of your letter. Not to find that you've encountered some peril,

but instead that you're so close to home. Last I heard from you, you were on your way to Yartar? I can't keep up with you. Of course, I stormed immediately from my quarters and made for the castle ward to rally the troops at your behest. I was in the middle of a shave.

You should have seen me. I was given audience by one Captain Sidre Hanlar, who took your map and assured me that the new open lord would certainly hear my news. Gods, you've been away for far too long. You haven't even seen her yet. Lady Laryl Silverhand

has held the station for a paltry month or two and may see this as an opportunity to prove her metal. I can't wait to hear what you think of her. However, there's more than I can safely put in a letter. Please exhibit a little more caution with your quill in the future. You know the working,

of this city better than I, and I'm surprised you couldn't fathom your missive being intercepted. Your mind must be frazzled by the goblins. I recall your friend, Lady Nandar, and I am devastated by your news. According to the parlor maid, the lady's sister Amalthea's visiting in Tribor for High Harvest Tide, I left a message with our shared regrets and promised to call again when the lady returns. Did you say, giants? As for your father, well, I'll steal my Nervin drop in on him in the next day or so, though between you and me, darling, I'd prefer the giants. Please promise me you won't do anything daft. I remain your loyal servant and love you, Torin. P.S. Kieran is looking well. Despite your penchant for writing letters so long that he flies

in circles. Oh, well, I suppose he isn't even an owl, really. I think Jack spends like a good half an hour reading the message a couple of times, sort of savoring the words from his, from Torin before putting it back on the scroll tube and stowing it safely aside, going to find the others to, you know, share the news and share some of the ideas he's had about these ogres in the cave. Cool.

The four of you wake from your long rest. I had a dream. I saw an ogre. It wasn't a dream. What do you mean? We saw it last night, remember. Oh, God, you're right. The townspeople. Oh, and I'm going to quickly do my favorite enemy.

So you sense that the caves contain between 44, and 50 humanoids. Wow. So that's a lot. That's okay. I can sense a number of people in there. There's about 45, there's about 50 humanoids in that cave. That means a combination of townspeople and goblins.

There are 50 people in there. If all are still alive, that's at least 25 goblins. That's a big, big number, friends. We need to be very careful about this. Absolutely. And I'm looking forward to killing some beasts. Well, obviously, we need to kill that ogre, first. Jack, what are your thoughts about trying to lure the thing out? Well, you know, they might

speak giant and I speak giant. Maybe we can ask it to come out of the cave, come up with a dumb reason for it to follow, because it's dumb. The mating call of a female ogre in heat. Do you know what that sounds like? I mean, that's pretty close. Is that it? No. It's more like, I'm over here. Hello. Hello. It's like the most sexy voice in the world. That was, wait, that was the most sex of it. You didn't think so? I think luring the ogre out, it makes the most sense. Yes, I can do something, and we'll play it by ear.

I like the sound of that. And I knock an arrow. What do you do? Crayloth, maybe you and I should stand on either side of the door. I think that's a good idea. And I'm going to cast false life on myself. Okay. And then that's going to give me 1D4 plus four temporary hit points for an hour.

Are there any trees near the entrance? Oh, yeah. How far is the nearest tree? 30 feet. All right, I'm going to go scale that tree. You go climb a tree. You guys are on either side of the door. Jack?

First thing Jack does is cover the area around the door with a thick grease on the ground. So anything trying to get out of the cave will slip and fall and tumble at our feet. Then creating an illusion of this booming giant voice that, like a giant trying to be quiet, say, Hey, come out here. It's important to come out here. What language are you using? Giant. You hear a voice from.

within the cave. Who's there? It's Gog, and you're in my cave. Who's Gog? I'm Dog. Who are you? It's my cave. Come out.

I'm Nub. Get out of my cave. This is dog. Dog's cave. Nub and dog live here. Nub and dog cave. No, dog's cave. No, dog.

Dog. And you hear the sound. of rock breaking and heavy footsteps as dark shapes materialize from within the gloom and they approach your slick of oil. What's the radius of that? There's a 10-foot-lovely square here right at the door, so as soon as they enter that space, they need to check or fall. Is that too, Oghuz, he said?

It's kind of hard for them to see at first because they come from inside of this dark cave into the glimmering dawn light. So they don't really look around at their feet. It's such a long way down. These are large and they are coming. They're making deck saves. What did I say? Blue dice.

Oh, yeah. I'm shaming this dice. Shame, shame, shame, shame. Shame on you. Shame the dice, shame, shame, shame, shame. Shame the dice, shame. Thank you, Blue Dice. You fought well for us.

Thank you, Blue Dyes. I assume of 15 saves. 15 will save, yeah. So Nob falls into, he's slippery from his mud bath and he slides in the grease. Fog makes it past the grease. And it's difficult terrain, so they're moving a little slower. So she passes him and that's her turn. Everyone, roll initiative.

Oh, natural one. And that makes it a zero for Kralong. Oh, no. Natural 20, though. Hey. On Chester, too. This guy's come back from the day. Chester.

That gives me a 23. 23 for red. What was your total, Kralath? Oh, zero was my total. Oh, that was a zero. I'm sorry. Yeah, thank you for bringing you're so welcome jack 14 14 for jack and we have a 13 for darren oh boy red you see this

large ogre slip and fall in the grease as his mate walks forward this huge female ogre and she's got a great club and she's standing right in between cray loth and doran she roars What do you do? It's go time. I'm going to cast Hunter's Mark for a bonus action first. Okay. And I will attack the large female.

They're war-sized. Work-sized. These are horse-sized people. Oh, I don't know if that's going to work. What'd you roll? Nine. Ouch. To hit?

Yeah. That sucks, too, because I rolled maximum damage. Oh, brutal. Jack, what do you do? Using the rest of his mind that he'd had prepped for what to do, went with an ogre. He, um, pulls out a new spell, looks at thog as she comes out and sort of like Star Wars style, like puts his hand out and just sort of tries to, to raise her up, tries to have

this whole gust of wind push underneath her and levitate her into the air. The spell can levitate a target that weighs up to 500 pounds. An unwilling creature that succeeds a constitution saving throw is unaffected. Um, and he's going to switch it instead of a constitution save from a magical force. It's gusts of wind that she needs to dodge out of the way and make a dexterity. Dave to get at it. Why don't you roll perception to see whether you can assess her weight correctly? I did Google how much does an ogre weigh. Oh, more than 500 pounds? They said up to 650 pounds. Oh, that's so close, though.

16. Okay. Yeah, you do an accurate up and down, and you would know that this spell would not levitate your ogre. All right, so we're going to drop a flaming spirit. Hey, that's a good second choice. Jack pulls out his orb, and it almost turns into fire in his hand, and he sort of gestures in this sphere, comes out from it growing bigger and bigger until it's this giant five-foot ball of fire right in front of thog, almost blinding her as it's the only thing she can leave walking in sort of right out in front of her coming into the cave. So she got grease behind her and fire in front of it. Five-foot diameter sphere of fire. Okay, Doran, it's your turn. Doren is going to attack dog, the female ogre who's standing right,

kind of right in front of him, and behind her is grease, in front of her as a ball of fire. Okay, I'm just going to attack. Okay. Oh, fuck. Eight to hit? No. Then I take an additional action.

Her hide is too thick. It repels your blade. I think I'm just going to attack again. Okay. You being there is blocking him in there. Right. 21. Hey, that hits.

Oh, wow. doing eight damage. A blade runs across her leg. Nice. It's her turn. Thog lifts her great club up and tries to crush you with it. Dodge it.

That's only a 10. Miss. How do you just skip out of the way? I like literally sidestep. It's like casual, just sort of stepped inside. The club comes beaming down. It hits the ground and your,

body and voluntarily, like, jumps a bit? So is she done her turn? Yeah, she's finished her turn. She is within five feet of the flaming sphere and will take 2D6 fire damage if she fails. A deck save. Save is. Looking for 13.

That's an 18. So she takes half of nine, which is four. It's her husband's turn. They're married. They're married, eh? What did that ceremony look like? Good for them. He stands up for half of his movement.

In Greece? Here's your ring. Oh, yeah. Greece, you can stand up fine. It's just ending her turn there. And it's difficult to rain. So he's got 20 feet of movement left. He can move through her square for free because she is friendly, but he can't end his turn there.

And because it's difficult to rain, he can't actually get through and past her with his movement. So he's actually blockaded in there. Nice. He's going to try to swing at Kralath. You have half cover, so you have a plus two to your AC. Okay. 17. That's a miss.

All right, he misses you. His great club bounces off the wall. wall of the cave and makes this terrible clanging noise. And at the end of his turn, he's standing in Greece, he might fall down again. Oh, no! So you're going to be a Dexie. I hope so. Okay, let's see. Looking for less than 13. That's great.

That's a 12. I've rolled a 13. Boom. Great. It's very comedic. Whoa, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo. Krala. What happens now? So as the stones and pebbles fall from the ceiling, as the as the club connects with the stone wall,

all. I'm going to disengage. I'm going to take a step back. And I'm going to cast a spiritual weapon right where I was standing. Incredible. When I cast this, it lasts for the duration. When you cast a spell, you make a melee spell attack against a creature within five feet of the weapon. So that's thog? That's thog. All right, that will be 21. To hit? Yeah. Yeah, boy. All right. So it's going to take 10 damage. Nice. Ten force damage. What does your spiritual weapon look like? It's a sife. It's a, it's like the reaper, yeah, and then just flashes at her belly.

The grave domain. Red, what do you do? You see this gorgeous spiritual weapon for the first time. And you've known Kralath for a long time. This is a power you didn't know he possessed. So she's been hurt. I'm going to attack again. 16 plus 7 to hit.

That's Max on the D8 down on the floor. That's Max on this D8 and Max on this D6. I just rolled max across the board. That's 16 plus 6, 22. Incredible. Plus three. Ladies and gentlemen. 25.

Is 25 damage. Do you hear this? Wow. Jack. Jack is going to Toll the Dead on this lady at the front and she can make me a save. Versus 13 with the Will. No. Wisdom. No.

That's 11 damage from the Toll the Dead. And then as a... No, she falls to her knees. Beautiful. And she falls onto the flaming sphere, and it just starts burning her torso. She is dead. Whoa. And then I zoom the flaming sphere through her cooked corpse into her husband.

You zoom this flaming sphere through her corpse onto her husband's corpse. He was lying on the ground. Ran into the flailing husband. He can make me a reflex save, a dexterity save. He's prone, so that's with disadvantage. All right. Go there. 13. 13 is my, is my.

So I save. So he'll take five, fire. Doran, it's your turn. I don't think I can walk up there. Otherwise, I get burned. If you end your turn there, you get cooked, yeah. You can split up your movement however you like. So I'm going to do that.

I'm going to move up, the five feet, attack. That's a 15. And then doing seven damage. Nice. And then I move back. Okay. It's his turn. He stands up for half of his movement and then moves through the difficult terrain of the grease

beside the flaming sphere. and picks up his great club to hit Doren with. Doran, that's a 19 to hit. Yeah, you hit me. 17 bludgeoning damage. Oh, my gosh. That brings me down to... He takes damage because he ends his turn.

He does end his turn next to that sphere. I succeed. So seven, half of that is three. Kralath, what happens next? First, I'm going to move my spiritual weapon. Yep. And I'm going to... Actually, I don't even need to move it.

And it doesn't take damage from the sphere. So I'm just going to attack with it. Okay. That's my bonus action. That's what you think. It's actually screaming in pain. That is a 15 to hit. You hit.

All right. And then it's going to take 13 points of damage. Holy fuck. I rolled an eight. Cheapers, creepers. Plus five. Okay. And then what happens?

That's just your bonus action. That's my bonus action. And then I'm going to take another step back so that I'm closer to Jack. Mm-hmm. And I'm going to cast. sacred flame. And so he's got to do a dexterity check. Okay. No, I fail.

All right. Then he's going to take another seven points of damage. Shish. Red, what do you do? I kill the motherfucker. You're going to try. I'm going to spend a bonus action and move my hunter's mark to him. And then I'm going to kill him. Nope. With a natural one.

Chester. Oh, God of all, bitch. Chester. Oh, he's one of these mouthy little fuckers. This guy is all over the map. But I don't want to get rid of it. He's done you good in the last couple of acts. I'm just going to put him in timeouts.

You want me to fart on them? Time out. No, you fart on everything. Do you do anything else? I hurl insults at it. Jack, it's your turn. Fuck you! Yeah, so we're going to bonus action ram the sphere into this guy again.

He can give me a dexterity save. I'll try my best. That's a 14. He takes two damage from fire. Owie, owie. And then from those freshly scarred wounds, like smoke sizzling up, I'm going to try and his life force out of him into my orb and told the dead you can give me a wisdom save 14 that'll do do it dorin you are face to face with this ogre he smells awful what are you going to do

I'm going to do my normal attack uh-huh and then I'm going to take a bonus action uh-huh feigning attack you could expend once a period of die and use a bonus action on your turn to faint choosing one creature within five feet of you as your target you take advantage on your next attack roll against that creature before the end of your turn. Okay, okay. So you use this maneuver to like pretend that you're going to sword him in one direction and then you actually sword him in the other direction. Okay, so roll.

A 14, so it's 19. Yeah, you hit. Nice. And a 10. 10 points. Nicely done. It's his turn. He's going to try to knock you into the ground.

Me? Little old me? I should have moved. 14 to hit? Miss. Oh, dang. He's like, ooh. Kralath?

Wait, if he ends his turn there, he's going to dex or burn. Honestly, I would move him, but he's not that smart. He's driven blind with rage. He's not maneuvering tactically. I mean, his wife just died. He's standing over top of her burnt corpse. He did roll a 17 decks save. It's one damage.

One damage. Every damage counts. It's true. Krayloth, what do you do? Okay, so with my. I'm going to do the same thing. I'm going to cast sacred flame. Oh, so he's going to do a dexterity check.

Okay, dook. That's a D12. Oh, four. Four is not enough. And then I'm going to do six points of damage there. Nice. And then for my spiritual weapon, bonus action, the 20 to hit. Mm-hmm.

13 points of damage. Oh, my God. Your dice are on fire. Yeah, this D-8 is just kicking it. Yeah, he's just barely. standing up. All right. Take him out, Red.

Fire all up the side of his body, radiance all up the other side. Red. And I'm going to kill him. With a natural one again. Oh, come on. Different dice. This one's Shane.

Get out of here. But Chester's okay? Chester's okay. What did Chester do there? Chester's in the penalty block. He gets to come back this round. Wow. You have a soft spot for that dice.

I mean, he's kind of my friend. What a D. Jack, what happens next? Nob, how many people are in there? I'm not telling you. Then you'll die. And I'm going to ram the spear into him again. No, he'll die.

So you can make me a dexterity save. It doesn't matter what happens. Okay. He dies. You burn him to death with the spear. You light him up! Yeah, his, what's left of the tattered, greasy rags light up. His hair's on fire.

He's just, the both of them in the same spot with the flaming spear on top of them. As the greasy smoke from both of these ogre corpses burns your nostrils, you hear from within the cave the sound of goblins. Free art! Free art! I can practically hear Doran's tummy growl at the stench of cooking ogre meat. If you enjoyed this and other episodes, please give us a good review and consider supporting us on Patreon at the Invictus Stream.

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