Dice Shame - 72 | 'No Mean Feat'

Episode Date: February 25, 2021

The party gains unexpected help from the Dwarves after the battle ends... Comedy, action and a whole lot of shaming come together in Dice Shame, an Actual Play Podcast of Storm King's Thunder by Wizards of the Coast! Join our GM Jo; her partner Harlan, his brother Alex & their best friends Justin and Rob as they tackle the daunting world of Faerun in this legendary adventure module! Dice Shame is a podcast that welcomes its audience to the gaming table. Like the games they play at home, they try not to take themselves too seriously. The show aims to be entertaining, inclusive, and irreverent, while still taking the rules (somewhat) seriously. Join us every Thursday morning for brand new episodes available on all major platforms including; Spotify, iTunes, Google Play and more! If you haven't checked it out yet... what are you waiting for?!? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We didn't come here to help the dwarves, but to stop them. I guess we'll have to be more strategic going forward. It is time for some breakfast. You look like you could use a little bit of bandaging. I'll be okay. Gotcha. Where is everybody? The gold that you took from my friend.

I think we're done. Play. That's something the Nightstone Four should be doing. All I am saying is funding defending the North. Oh, what's that thing called when there's music playing in the background? It's just a montage. Thank you. Hello all, and welcome back to Dice Shame.

This is episode 72, no mean feat. MVP this week is Mr. McCashen for their lovely review. Thank you so much. Like popcorn? Who doesn't? Here's the perfect recipe. Start with a large pot and set it to medium-high heat. Melt three tablespoons of ghee and a half teaspoon of flavor call seasoning.

Then add one. cup of popcorn kernels throw on the lid and wait to hear the pops make sure you move the pot around so the kernels don't burn once they're done salt with a hearty pinch and enjoy you're welcome all right shall we do this yeah let's do it we just finished rewatching the extended edition of lord of the ring oh that's right oh what's that do i hear a hobbit what's that do i hear a hobbit a great theme. Oh, wait. You mean Halfling. Oh, I'm so sorry. Which also, I mean, there's got to be

a time where that's just, they can't enforce that anymore. And then they're going to go back and change all the D&D books. From the writing of the books, right? From the death. That's the second age. The age of man will end by then. I mean, didn't the Great Gatsby just become fair use or whatever? You could steal something

from there. Public domain. Yeah, now D&D class wizards can be called Gats. Famously. Everyone's been waiting for the day. What is your favorite member of the fellowship? Right? Harlan and I know who Henry's favorite member of the fellowship is. Gandalf!

He loves Gandalf. He keeps dressing up and slamming his little stick down and saying, You shall not pass. But he can't say it right. He's like, you shouldn't pass. You can't pass. Go go anywhere. Probably turn around, please.

It's very good. I mean, Legulus, right? I mean, he's fucking awesome. He was definitely my favorite when I was, like, the first time I watched him. I was like, oh, he's so cool. But you know what? I think in context of the movies, it might be Gimley. I think Gimley is so perfect in terms of his character.

You know, he's this guy who's like, just fucking destroy the ring. And then, you know, blows up his accent. By the end, he's like. I love when he's afraid of the ghosts when they go into the, like, halt of the dead or in the third movie. He's like blowing them away. I don't know, but he also has, like, the most quips, you know? He's also like, that ends negotiations and shit like that. It's Eragorn, though.

That's the... Eragorn? Yeah, it's right. Bad-us. Is that for you? Why? Because he's so sexy. I mean...

Alex, why? And why Jeff? Or... Jeff. Who's Jeff? Jeff? Frog. Yeah.

I want to say I can combine Jack and Rob, but that doesn't even remember. Makes sense. Who are you playing do you do with this whole one? Yo, Jeff. Your name's Rob. New member of dice shame. Jeff. Jeff's the sound guy.

Jeff the bar. Always behind the scenes. Oh, my face hurts. Yeah. What do you think, Jeff? Oh, yeah, Jeff's nodding. Jeff really likes Aragorn. He's nodding.

He's giving us a thumbs up. Okay, he wants you to continue, Rob. I mean, I like his arc. I like that. Destiny, like, you have to go get this sword reforged. You're the one who's supposed to be king, but you're also, you know, in this bar leading these halflings around, trying to like, like this, the gritty reality and then elevating to, I think that's the, the coolest arc. Trying to escape his destiny at first, you know.

Yeah. Alex, why are you? Similar. And just like the fact that he is so. I'm looking at a picture of Vigal Mortens. Mortensen right now. What? Vigal what?

Jeff what? I'm looking at a picture, Jeff. He is the born king. there's like Rob was saying there's that character arc but he's also such a badass and he's so humble about it too yeah he is very humble

I love it when he calms down the horse he's just like good good to the good to the deepest good yeah and like all of the characters he interacts with he's like super chill with too you know whether it be like somebody who's in love with him he's like I'm sorry but I cannot share that feeling

you know he's not like yeah you like yeah it's just like honorable I have to say that after watching the extended editions, it does change my perception of Boromir, I don't know if he's going to say, yeah, Boromir's arc with the extended edition makes so much more sense. Yeah. And he is so, like, being the golden boy, and the pressure from his daddy.

Stupid dad says, you don't get any of that in the theatrical versions. It's just like, here's a jerk who tries to steal the ring. Yeah. It all makes sense in two towers extended. Yeah, I would say he was bumped up quite a bit. I think I got to watch, actually. What about you, Joe? My favorite, like I said, I started out liking Legolas, A, because Orlando Bloom was

it for me when I was a teenager, but then obviously, you know, you kind of grow out of it. And the rewatch, I was a little bit disappointed in Legalus because he just says so little. He's kind of, he's very unidimensional. He only speaks one line to Frodo in the entire trilogy. You have my bow. Yeah. I'd say, yeah. Really?

So, I don't know. I think it's probably Aragorn for me. I'm going to jump on the Aragorn bandwagon. But to the credit of Legolas, I think elves, especially in that dimension, are sort of portrayed as more dull because they're like sort of, like, even the most interesting character, like, Elrond, who like fights, you know, a lot of his stuff is very woody and like, here's the history you need to know about this. I think elves are meant to be like that sort of thing.

Because they're beyond human comprehension. They're ethereal. Exactly. When you're immortal, something that we might do in our lifetime that defines us. Like they've done that, they've kind of done all their time. So many lifetimes. Exactly. Like their mundane lives are like heroism.

They're beyond us. They're just so purely themselves. But I think what this really does say, besides the fact that, you know, four of you picked Aragorn, genuinely, I think if someone was like, oh, Gandalf is my favorite, or Sam is my favorite, or like literally, I think you could pick any. person. And I would totally be like, oh, I get it. That's awesome. And I think that just speaks to the power of the ring. I mean, Tom Bombadot, am I right? Yeah, Tom Bombadale. Cut that guy.

Gandalf's up there too, man. Gandalf's awesome. He is fucking friends with the king of horses. Come on. Lord of the Rings is on. You know what? Fuck it. Let's stop playing dice shame. Let's just put on the Lord of the Rings extended editions. The reason that I brought it up, not just

because it's so recent and it's in my head right I'm thinking a lot about Lord of the Rings in context of, like, fantasy and writing and all that stuff. But, like, it's such a great example of an adventuring party. Oh, yeah. How everyone's going through their own thing, but they're banning together for a common cause, but maybe there's a betrayer in their midst. And it's just like... Jack. No, it's so epic and it's so well done.

It's definitely, like, the trope defining, like, piece of media for adventuring parties and that kind of thing. Even if you go, like, to the Hobbit where they've got, like, and it's a... adventuring charter and we were going to have a paper that outlines this company and how this adventure goes down. Yeah, and a contract. However, it is not in any way a representation of playing D&D because my God, if you had to run nine separate PCs, could you imagine? Okay, hold on, hold on, let's just stop. Okay, Boromir, what do you want to do with the ring? Well, that's why they split the party. Frodo, Frodo, roll a constitution saving throw. Okay, okay, Gandoff, what are you cast? Okay, hold on, no, that's not a spell. Okay, well, Legalus, what are you just standing there?

Okay, Gimley, what do you say to get? But when some of them are like four hit point commenters, who gives a shit? Frodo, go stand over there. Well, you know, the person that, the person, in the first movie, the person who is running Mary and Pippin is just the same person, and they just had two halflings. That's true. They were playing two halflings. Like, oh, right, Mary, oh, Pip.

Yeah, Mary, oh, Pip. The salted pork is particularly good. I love that one. All right. Should we play some D&D? Let's do it. Yeah. Let's play some D&D.D.

The slain bodies of orcs and giants litter the town of Jallanthar, brought down by the Nightstone 4 and the Knights of the Mithril Shield. Heck yeah. Captain Nurgrel Chaos Hammer is badly wounded, bleeding from somewhere

under his breastplate, blood coursing in a slow stream down his leg and leaving dark half footprints on the ground. He grabs a rough handful of his beard and uses it to wipe down his weapon, turning to you, Doran, with a pained grimace. Dwarves are so gross. You fight well, Doran Iron Fist. You and your men.

You work well. And you, Chaos Hammer. You look like you could use a little bit of bandaging. I'll be okay. Dwarves are hardy folk. And he kind of claps a hand to his side, staunching the bleeding someone. Of course. Kralath is awkwardly behind Doren with some bandages. Like, oh, just let me. Just want to they've never come at us with forces like that before well wasn't that the plan though to bring them all red jogs down

from like the top of the building and catches up you wanted them to be here yes yes we did it all went according to plan yeah other than that wall that jack built turns out they were coming from not the riverside

if I'd have been thinking a little more you should have put it on the other side of the building yeah if only someone hadn't told me where to put it It's too bad, really. Yeah, I guess we'll have to be more strategic going forward. You wasted a lot of time building that wall.

Honestly, it didn't take very long. Anyway, uh... Did any of your men fall, Chaos Hammer? No, no. And if you weren't here to fight alongside us, maybe it wouldn't have been the same outcome. These giants are pure evil. If we don't stop them, they'll tear all a fair and apart. I think this is sort of what I was trying to say earlier.

If we could gather ourselves and have a conversation, about this. I think working together we can make a change here. He claps a hand around your shoulders, Doran. Let's banish those wounds and let's get some food and some drink in us. Yeah. Yeah.

And he raises his axe high into the air looking around at all the dwarves. Victory! Hey, Clayloff, let's go check the bodies. You want to do some looting? Yeah. Hell yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, I mean, all of the giants

have a couple of things on them if you wanted to do some looting. As you go about from body to body, the bloodstained dwarves are sort of swarming right along with you. So they're taking more grisly trophies. As you watch, these are Doran's folk, right? He's not the first dwarf to behead a corpse and kick it around. As they're busy butchering the evidence, is there, are there, I'd love to see if there's any clues about where these things are from. Unfortunately, Jack, it's getting too dark for you to be able to get any real information. And the evidence, as you would call it, is being steadily marred by bloodthirsty dwarves as they hack pieces from the body to satisfy their morbid, victorious spirit. And when they hack the bodies, I kind of turn towards

Kraloth. There's certainly no coming back from that death. Well, you'd be surprised. So between Jack, who's interested in looking over these bodies, and Red and Kralov, who are obviously trying to pillage what they can, you find a couple of interesting items on these giants. Jack, you find a mangy fur pelt probably carved from the body of an elk long ago and ill-cared-for. You also find a bag of salt that one of these giants had. been carrying. Red, Kraloth, you find a curious piece of taxidermy, a bear that had been roughly stitched

back together around a barrel of sawdust, maybe. It's hard to tell without performing your own dissection, but could this be some kind of toy? Cute. Weird. You also find a giant-sized kettle made of cast iron, something that would be impossible for you to lift. Cool. Who goes to wall with a kettle?

Red says angrily to Kralath as he kicks this heavy cast iron thing. Tea time! Yeah. Well, let's make tea for every single dwarf here. And speaking of boiling water, the dwarves and myself kind of start to drag the corpses

into a centralized location as, you know, it's lit on fire and the bodies of our fallen enemy are burned. Absolutely. Ale is poured. Tankards are passed around. This turns into a celebration of your victory. Groups of dwarves gather around in this bonfire light and recount the battle, blow by blow, using each other as props and stand-ins for the enemies, explaining to their comrades who weren't necessarily present right there exactly the kinds of victories that they achieved

over their enemies. It was then that the orcs rounded the corner after us, the bigger one with the chains howling for our blood. But I spatted him, planted my boots in the dirt

and swung. Old slammer here once. Ah! Got him in the arm, but then he picked up his filthy sword and kept coming, snarling, stinking,

and then twice, Rah! I hacked halfway through his shoulder that poured him down. And, darling, not gray here, polished him off, didn't you? Natty. They're like sharing these war stories with each other and one of them turns to you, Dorn, and says, what kind of blood did you spill this night? Oh, ha. You should have seen me take off the toe of that giant over there. Just the leg sticking out

of the bonfire with no toe. As we look around there, you see some of the doors ringing out the blood from their beards and putting handprints on each other, bloody handprints of the fallen enemy. It's sort of like another symbolic thing. And I turn to the dwarf that's standing next to me. And I put my bloody hand on his chest. And Red seeing this like dives in, he's like, yeah. And he does it as well. And he puts one on him and one on him, like, but like a child's hand painting

where they like follow up his body. Then he turns to Jack and puts like a hand on him. Oh. It just leaves it there and sees Jack's expression. Hmm. And then slowly pulls his hand back. This is one hell of a battle. By far not the.

scariest, though. What do you mean? Well, in front of the fire is light. Doran jumps into this, and you've heard of Stunted Danlin's Peak, no? No? What do you mean? Tell us. Red hears Doran talking loudly and walks over and just sort of

sits down by the fire to watch him tell his tale. Way back in the Battle of Danlin's Peak, there we were my unit, up against the Orkish tribe of Hagerfell. You've heard of them, right? I. I was there. You! Then you recall why we call it Stunted Danlin's Peak, why I was the one who drove the wedge into the point of the peak that knocked it off. We were there back up against the cliff and we managed

to turn them around. You remember that? All of the orcs and the goblins were standing on the edge of the cliff and we knocked that edge of the cliff right off. Dwarven engineering for you. That's right. That's awesome. Great. Red, over the din of the celebration, you pick out the sound of someone saying your name somewhere nearby at a smaller campfire. One of the dwarves that camped on top of the keep with you, as you were

raining arrows down at the approaching horde, they are standing on top of a barrel recounting some tall tail. You're not quite close enough to hear its telling, but as you watch, the dwarf is clearly miming the drawing of an arrow from a quiver and

knocking it to a bowstring, pausing to emphasize the size of the long bow, something that makes all the gathered dwarves just erupt into raucous laughter. Excitedly, I scamper over and, like, jog up to see what he's talking about. Yeah, the dwarf turns to you, and here he is! This is him! Red, was it? Oh, yeah! I thought you were telling another cool story about a bow user. Ah, yeah, that's me. Hi! And he just starts, like, shaking hands, sticky, bloody hands.

This dwarf is wearing a pendant necklace of a newly strong. giant tooth, and he, uh, he looks you up and down and he says, I, I didn't know what to think of you, given your, well, your exotic appearance, especially the ears, but you proved yourself in battle pretty good. Say, my friend told me that he lost some coin to you at dice earlier. Oh, yeah. Care to let me win it back for him? Oh, uh, sure. Why not? Redsard and nervously looks around. Yeah. It's good sport, of course. Sure, and I have something worthwhile to bet, and I reach in and I pull out the hair of a cloud giant. And then, oh, in like a glass bottle. I say, What is this? This is the hair from the head of a cloud giant. How did you vanquish that?

Ah, a tale for another time, because I didn't kill him. But ultimately, I would be willing to wager this if you'd be willing to wager that cool little necklace of yours. He paused at the necklace that he's just made, something he's probably most proud of. All right, fine. Looking around at all the teeth that are on all the other giant's mouths. So the gold that you took from my friend, and then this, from me, the trophy.

What do you say? One around the dice. Why not? I feel lucky. So it's dark out, and the shadows are deep, but you settle down with this dwarf. in the firelight, and he pulls out his dice and you pull out the set that you won earlier. And essentially what happens, Red, is that after this dwarf shows you that he rolled a three, you almost don't see it, but you catch a glimpse of just one of his fingers slipping underneath the

cup and nudging one of the dice with his finger. Oh. He's flipping one of the dice. He's cheating you. Ah. This wave washes over red very similar to how we've seen before. The moment he feels like he's back, he's against a wall. He gets very aggressive.

And it also speaks to the hunter mindset of red, where he can, on a dime, flip between a really jovial, lighthearted thing and then spend six hours in a tree waiting for a creature to pass his quarry. This aggressive nature washes over red, and I think he just stands up. And knowingly, in that same tone that he spoke to Krayloth in the pitch black of the night, you know, weeks ago, he says, I think we're done playing. And he turns around and he walks away. Nice.

Red, you have earned a feat. Oh. This is the feat called observant. Cool. You gain the ability to read lips. You increase your intelligence or wisdom score by one. and you gain a plus five bonus to your passive perception and passive intelligence scores. Nice.

As you've proven yourself not only in battle, but perceptive in social situations. Oh, that's amazing. Thank you. You're welcome. So the dwarf sort of stands up. Maybe he doesn't even notice that you noticed he was cheating. So then Red walks back to the others, but his demeanor is changed. You just see him, he's like a lot more solemn.

And then slowly it melts away, and he's jovial again. Mm-hmm. the night's celebrations continue the dwarves party hard getting stupid drunk mutilating the corpses and uh you know the the night grows late it's like a game for them you can see them chopping off little bits and like playing golf with the bone bits yikes yeah i think jack goes and hides in one of the houses and reads a book with kieran i don't think he's into the the way dwarves party so much it's a little too gruesome for him yeah yeah kreeloth i think is there with him if you don't mind company.

Absolutely, yeah. You know, we could be practicing our giant, though, right? Like, we could be... All right. Gotcha. Let's go inside and study. Study. We play hard.

We study hard. During this, Captain Chaos Hammer withdraws from the firelight and gestures for two other dwarves to follow him. Red, they're too far away for you to overhear. But as you watch them, you find that you can read their lips from where you sit across the fire. It's something that you've never really tried to do before,

but once you focus on it, you find that it's quite a simple task to understand what they're saying. Awesome. And Captain Chaos Hammer says, All of your scouting, and you never mentioned orcs. We could have been overrun. Send word to Galmet and ask them to meet us here in two days' time for counsel, and keep your bloody eyes peeled this time.

Oh, and Danier, get those captives out of here. They've served their purpose. Small fires burn low around the town of Jalenthar as the cold, wintry night darkens to a pitch black. A million stars shining brilliantly overhead. The wind is freezing and sharp as a knife, and it's fortunate that you have the homes of the villagers to take shelter within. Villagers turned out into that same cold by the drunken dwarves, now slumbering heedlessly within. the next day dawns cold and crystalline but sunny snow has fallen in the night covering the carnage from yesterday's battle and dampening the sounds of people starting to stir dorin you wake up from where you fell on a log last night and there are two dwarves beside you doing jerky little squats and stretches limbering up for the day one of them wears a long knitted hat to ward off the cold and uh He notices you waking up.

Morning. Oh, good morning. Iron fist, is it? Yes, yes, yes. You know it well. Come here. Last night, your valiant charge against the giant was much slower than I should have been.

What do you mean? You have spent too much time with the big folk, like your companions. You forgot how dwarven warriors move their legs. Look, this is how ye were running. The dwarf jogs through the snow, effectively dragging his feet and pumping his arms to show what a spectacle you must have been. That'll suit when you're chasing babes and wee ones. But look, you've forgotten your training.

It's shameful. Here, here. Squat down here with me. Squat down. And he does. Right beside this dwarf in a long hat. He points to the chill gray horizon. When you're running, pretend you're back underground. That tree, line the sky. It's distracting you. Get down here. Head low. Shoulders back now. Let your nose guide you to the enemy. They're foul enough for that. And he's like adjusting your posture, Doren, physically, with his hands, rolling your shoulders back, moving your head down. It's shaking his head at the offending sky.

These are angles I haven't felt for a fortnight. You'll remember soon enough. Now, it's just the matter of your breathing. You're winded. I saw you. Breathe in. Heavy as an asthmatic. Dragon. Practice remembering, you're not just an axe on wheels, Iron Fist. Your body is a forge, and a fire, as you know, isn't stoked without plenty of air. Lungs are bellows. They give you power. And so he gives you like a five-minute lecture about how you're doing a bad job of running. Yeah. This is why you're terrible. And then the dwarf in the knitted cap has you running suicides in the snow alongside this other night that he was doing stretches with. Yeah. The burning

in your thighs, it just awakens the memory of exactly what they were trying to teach you. The dwarves move differently. Yeah. You don't have to be slow just because you're small, Doran Iron Fist. I picture Doran now in the position of a sprinter, you know, crouched, ready to pounce and takes off, powering through the snow and... Like a mine cart going downhill. That's right.

It's a gravity to how he moves. You gain the mobile feet, Doran. Wow. Thank you. Your overall land speed increases by 10 feet. Wow. You're now the fastest one in the party. How many feet? 10 feet? Yeah. And it gets better.

When you take the dash action, so when you move instead of acting again on your turn, difficult terrain doesn't cost you extra movement. Additionally, when you make a melee attack against a creature, you don't provoke opportunity attacks from that creature for the rest of your turn, whether you hit it or not. Oh, fuck. So you just get, you get learned in how to be agile. Oh, wow.

Yeah. So Doran, you spend a bunch of time with these dwarves just running around, getting hot and winded in the snow, sweating in your armor, sweating through the beer haze from last night, churning up the snow. Yeah, I kind of picture this, oh, what's that thing called when there's music playing in the background? I kind of picture this montage of not just running, but of also doing like flailing cartwheels and like, but all in a dwarven sense, you know? You've got your axe in your hand the whole time. There's no exercise for dwarves without a tool in your hand.

Like forge, like exercise? Doreen it's your time. Doreen you can move and run and start. Swing. She's this picture of a cartwheel, but the axe is in hand too, so it's this big deadly flying axe cartwheels. Exactly. It's all like stretches and movement specific to dwarves.

Not like you would see a human do it. That's the whole point. Exactly. And that's the best part of this too, because like you were a soldier. You're just a soldier out of training. Yeah. Like you're older now and you've gone out of it. And now that you're around dwarves again, they're reminding you of how you were trained.

That's so cool. That's brilliant. I love the way you just incorporated that. Thank you. Kraylath, you're awoken from your slumber by this significant commotion outside of dwarves teaching each other how to run really fast. And the music's just quiet. Dorian, you can do it. And then I open the window and it gets louder.

Yeah. Diagetic. And then I close the window. Oh. That's not. And Kralath stretches. and he reaches down and pats Jackson, who's kind of curling up around his feet.

And, uh, oh, I must have been pretty tired, Jackson. Oh, I haven't slept like that in a while. Mmm, meow. Yeah, I think, I think you're right, Jackson. It is time for some breakfast. You gonna help me? Miao. Oh.

Cannon. He's got a low, like, vocal fry. Meals like this. Miao. You head outside back to the cooking area that you had established last night where you see an older dwarf squatting in the snow by the cold fire pit. He's breaking handfuls of sticks into kindling. His hands are wrinkled and chapped, but he works deftly.

I was going to make some breakfast, but looks like you're already getting started on that. You did well last night, Clarick. Yes. With the dinner. And with the battle. Your God smiles on ye. Oh, well. Kelimvore has looked out for me for all of my life.

A balanced meal is important to Kelimbor. Yes, it is. Jack's just sitting on a stump, just like reading a book. He gestures to the scales on your breastplate. I don't recognize the scales, is that Kelimvor. Oh, yes, yes. Kellemvor is my god. He's the god of balance.

of life and death and good and bad, and, uh, he, he makes sure that the natural order is maintained. Um, I have no doubt he was watching over us last night. He stands up, stretches at a crick in his back before going back to hunting over with, with the kindling. Where did you come from? Some abbey or temple? Oh, uh, well, that's a, that's a good question. I come from a place called Barovia. It's a little ways away. Not exactly sure how to get back there, but yeah, it came from a Order of Templars, knights who were sent out in Borovia that's just plagued with the undead to look out for the townsfolk and slay undead as we find them. I guess growing up in a fort, I guess you'd call it.

You're older than you look then. Oh, what makes you say that? Just a feeling I get about you. An old soul, maybe. You look healthy, strong, but something in me says that your mind is, you've seen a lot. Anyway, I had some of your dinner last night. It did me good. Is that one of your skills then, cleric, cooking? Oh, when Kralath kind of adopts a bashful look and says, oh, well, I wouldn't say it's so much of a skill as it is something that I just,

picked up and I realized a long time ago that one way that I can always help whether or not it's in battle is making sure the people are nourished. Whatever it is you go about doing, whatever task you set out to do, you can give it up to your god to Kellenvore. Take it from a cragly old dwarf. Morden smiles on my long years and lends me strength on the days where I need some extra. I guess what I'm saying is that your cooking nourished to me more than I can tell you. Fed my soul in a way. I'm a lifelong bachelor. Never took no mate.

Fed myself right the whole time. Cooking for one is no holy act. Cooking for your tribe. Your family. That there is something worthy of Morden's attention, and I appreciate your doing so for me last night. Oh, well, it was the least that I could do. I've got a couple of recipes.

It's not much, but it comes from the heart. Soul food, you might call it. It'll warm you straight down to your feet. And for you, that's a long way down. This is a dwarven culinary techniques you're about to tell you? Yeah, something like that. Just a minute now. Yeah, one second.

Jack! Jack, can you get my notebook, please? Yeah, I left it with you last night. The dwarf strikes some flint and creates flame. feeding it slowly as he starts explaining to Kralath the finer points of cooking not just dwarven recipes and techniques but something that he knows about personally being a religious dwarf how to imbue your food with holiness and love Kralath you learn the chef feat oh yeah nice it's about time so you can choose constitution or wisdom and increase that score by

one. You gain proficiency with cook's utensils. Yes. And as part of a short rest, you can cook special food. So you can add hit points to anyone who's rolling hit dice on a short rest. Additionally, on a long rest, you can cook special treats, which you can give to your friends and they can eat them. It's like a version of a healing potion, basically. Of course, but created by you, like special yummy cookies. And after, yeah, yeah, yeah, he tells you about these, like, dwarven scones that make you, you know, give you extra unburned them. Oh, don't eat.

Put flame right on. So you're saying that when it's all black, it's not the best you eat it? You don't want that usually. The best part of this is that we have his cooking and we just assume that's how it is. We're like, man, this burnt scone is delicious. And then he like finally makes one that's not burnt. And we're like, oh my God, that's what's supposed to taste like? Yeah.

It's been amazing. Yeah, exactly. And after this conversation and this little cooking lesson, Kralath, the old dwarf reaches into his side pouch and he pulls out a pairing knife. It's dwarven and make, obviously. So it's very well-crafted and well-worn. Simple. It's a well-home.

stone blade, and it's in its own little leather sheath, and he presents it to you. What is this? It's nothing more than a tool, but maybe you'll have some use for it. Kralov handles it with a sort of reverence, as you may have seen him handle his holy symbol. He's just in awe of this and speechless, and he actually, forgets to ask this old man's name. And I imagine he, like, looks up and the guy's gone. He's left.

And you're looking around trying to decipher which one it was, and they're all, they all look the same. They all covered in blood. And then you go and ask a dwarf, who is that cooking dwarf? And they're like, he died long ago. There hasn't been a cooking dwarf here. 300 years. And then you're like, oh.

And then they turn to like, oh, wait, never mind. There he is. So 100 years isn't that long. For a dwarf, he just wanders around. The cooking dwarf. Sweet. Thanks, Joe. Jack, you're moving through the encampment firesides

after having brought Kraloff his note-taking utensils for his recipes. And maybe you're clutching a cup of tea with Kieran padding along beside you in the snow. Yeah, I think I watch the cooking happen along just enough to like make the cup of tea and then be like, all right, I'll leave you to this. Thanks, Jack. And, yeah, sort of bouncing around, maybe not quite sure where to settle, feeling maybe a bit uncomfortable about the events from last night. Mm-hmm.

Walk by the montage, the music comes back. Doran! I don't remember that the song was. It's very progressive. Your eye falls on a plump dwarf with surprisingly shiny, curly hair. He's by himself meticulously clearing a circular. patch of ground, smoothing footprints from the surface of the snow, removing any debris. And he catches you watching him from the corner of his eye and nods to you.

Bit a Dwarven engineering. It's not complicated. Just an illustration, really. Hey, I'm Jack. I don't know if I cut your name. My name's Merrill. Dwarven engineering. What do you mean? Oh, well, the true mechanics is up here. He taps his temple with a smile. That I believe. I'll show you if you like. Yeah. He continues working, carefully drawing runes into the flat surface of the snow with a burned twig. When the dwarves tunneled through the crust of the earth skyward, legend goes, we first breached the surface at night when all was dark. It would have seemed to the ancestors that we'd found another cavern with stranger flora than we'd ever seen.

Sunrise must have given them quite the awakening. Mm-hmm. We've always been the most intelligent of the races. I've never seen a dwarf stumped by anything he could measure. This, this wizard, is a mechanism devised all those long years ago. He continues building this mechanism, and it's very simple to your eye, but as he affixes a carved hand into the center of this clearing

and starts explaining to you the way that the shadow falls on the snow, you come to realize that this is a timekeeping device. Hmm. He's created for you something that we humans outside of D&D would know as a sundial, but this obviously is dwarven in shape. And he shows you about how this contraption marks the passing of time and how by using your knowledge of the cardinal directions and the way that the sun moves throughout the different seasons,

you're able to determine relative to spatially where you are in the universe, essentially, what time it is based on your location and the way that the planets are moving around you. You guys have this heady conversation about astronomy, and you gain, where the fuck is my book? Jack, you gain, where the fuck is my book feat? I mean, honestly, it seems appropriate. Jack, you learn the keen mind feat. Hey, all right.

Sounds like him. You are already an intelligent creature. However, you increase your intelligence score by one at this conversation, broadening your horizons and leading you to consider concepts you had never previously truly understood. You always know which way is north, so you've improved your orientering. You always know how many hours there are before sunrise or sunset. And most importantly, you can accurately recall anything that you've seen or heard within the last month. Nice.

So it improves your- Very jack. Yeah, it improves your recall. What's the difference? Where's Jeff? And the conversation that you have with this dwarf just broadens your horizons that much more. Well, Mergerald, thank you very much. This is really fascinating. It reminds me a lot of some things we have at the Temple of Lathander in Waterdeep,

a lot of the sort of movement of the sun. But I hadn't quite thought about it in this way. Yeah, it should help you sort of wrap your mind around it. Mm-hmm. Very helpful. Thank you. Wow, cool. So, Red, you're the only one who we haven't seen yet this morning. What have you been getting yourself up to?

I think Red, unlike everyone else, has felt the most distrustful of these dwarves, especially based on the fact that he's found those supplies the other day. And I think Red is a little worried that we're losing sight of, of how much damage these dwarves have done. And so I think he climbs down from one of the roofs and sees Doran and sort of catches his eye and maybe even gives him a wave. Maybe before you even jump down,

you see like Doran sees you from afar and then you see Doran kind of like change direction and bolt towards you in a speed you hadn't seen before from this hefty little person. Yeah, you know? Cool. And he arrives at the bottom of the building where you're sitting on the roof.

Sure. Hey, Red, good morning. Good morning to you, and Red climbs down. You're looking pretty fast, bud. Yeah, well, I've been, you know what, I've forgotten all about my Dwarven training, and I was just reminded by some of these, some of these soldiers here, and you know what, I'm feeling revitalized. I'm feeling, I'm feeling fresh and new. Well, speaking about reminding and, you know, maybe refocusing, remember, we came here because we came across that farmstead, and the refugees in Everland. Well, yeah. You haven't lost sight of that, have you?

No, no, we should go and speak with, Captain, Chaos Hammer. I think it would be really beneficial for us to get together and just bump our heads around a little bit. I worry that we lost a bit of sight of how detrimental what they're doing is. Yeah, yeah. I spotted a burned out house over there on the horizon just at the edge of town. I'll getch the others, and let's meet there and have a private conversation. Well, why don't, and Doran's looking around. Why don't you get Jack, and I'll go get Kraloth.

And like a kid on Christmas, Doran, like, runs off, you know, like, watch me, watch me, watch, watch what's what I do. So cute. He's kicking up snow like a snowblower. It's like, and I walk over to Jack. Hey, Jack, that's cool. What's that? It's a little bit of dwarven-orientering.

I can show you how it works. It'll... Perfect. I'll get the keen mind feet, too. Brilliant. It's not as easy as that. I'm teasing. It's so funny.

We're so alike sometimes, Red. And Red bends down next to you and sort of looks at it. Because of the angle between the shadow and this line, you can figure out which way north is. And then once you know which way north is, you can figure out how much time there is between now and sunset. And that stick in the middle, it kind of looks like a tree. And Red picks it up and he's like,

ooh, hi, Blithelis. Nailed it. Anyway, let's go. I want to talk to the others. about. This is why you're different than each other. Exactly. Anyway, we're going to go talk about Captain Chaos Hammer and what to do.

Let's go. And Jack and Reds sort of begin to head towards the building. And Doran speeds up to Kraloth and he arrives right beside you. Good morning, Krayloth. Oh, oh, Doren, Dorn. Oh, one second, one second. And Kralov puts on these pink mitts and he pulls out these freshly baked scones that's That are sitting on, like, a giant's axe head, and he pulls it out.

You're scones. Hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, try this. Try this. I just learned how to make these. This is a different recipe. So blow on it a couple times first, and then try it.

And then he puts his hands up and watches, Doran. It looks a little underdone. They're not even black. Are these done? Yeah. That's a bad bake, Krala. No, no, Doran. It's, uh, if I did everything right, then you should be in for a treat.

Just watching it. I'm lost for words. This is the most delicious thing I've ever eaten in my entire life. We did it. Oh my God. And Krayloff grabs Jackson, throws him up in the air, and Jackson hovers a little bit with his wings

before settling back down into his arms. Oh my goodness, I got to share this with the rest of them. Where is everybody? Oh, well, that's why I come to get you. We're going to go speak with Chaos Hammer. You have to bring these. And Doran's like now scramble. He's stuffing them into his pockets.

You know, he's like sneaking one or two. Yeah, and Kralath holds up his apron and with Doran's help, like, has them all, like, dumped into the apron. And they go walk towards Jack and Red handing out scones as they go. One more thing. Those, that scone that you just stayed gives you plus three temporary hit points. Nice. Wow. Yeah, for eight hours.

We're a little slow. We're a little slow catching up to Jack and Red because every time I hand out a scone, I stop to watch their reactions. Yeah. I mean, you got to, right? Yeah. That's half of it, seeing the joy on their faces.

Yeah, we're all trying on our new feats. Like Red standing outside this house, and he's like reading your lips as you guys are talking, walking up. And he turns to Jack and he's like, ah, they're talking about a bone, whatever that means. And you're like, look, I got scones. And I'm like, scone. I said scone.

One hour and five minutes since sunrise. One hour and six minutes since sunrise. Yes. That's so fucking funny. Doran's running them around. It's like the roadrunner. Roadrunner. So cute.

So the four of you make it to this burned out hovel. And you seem to have a little bit of space. to yourselves, there are no dwarves immediately nearby. So where is all our heads at, you know? Remember, we were following the trail of broken families and refugees. We didn't come here to help the dwarves, but to stop them. Now, I'll be the first to admit that what we saw last night and the benefit that these dwarves aren't doing in terms of being the only people

actually willing to fight the giants is good. but I don't think we should lose sight of the bigger picture here. They are doing it in a way that is causing damage and distress to the people around. And let's not forget, we're not simply giant hunters and killers. We're on a bigger mission here, right? Yeah. Yes, yes. We have an ordaining to reorder.

Yeah. Well, fucking godsent. I agree, though, that what they're doing here, Red, a... As good intentions as they are, it's not sustainable. They have each other for fighting, but where are they going to get food? Where are they going to get supplies? They need more than just themselves in order to sustain. And on that note, I told Trayloff the other night before the attack,

but they have supplies from Everland. They've taken them. I can't imagine they negotiated for them fairly since they've occupied this town, which means they're taking food out of the mouths of the people that were trying to help. And Jack, I know you hate Evelyn, but I'm sure you don't want to starve the people. people that are there. No, it's senseless. Everything that Chaos Hammer and the Knights of the Mithril Shield are doing is Pyrrhic at best. They're, they're, they're, Jack, what does Pyrrhic mean? Mm, yeah. A Pyrrhic victory is one where everybody loses. Got it. Going in the

notebook. Taking people, however much they volunteer and using them as bait, feels pretty not okay. Well, I think we've got to go in, and we need to be on the same level. What do we want here? My mind, I'm thinking that they do perform a very good service, and that's keeping this land safe from the roaming giants. But they're not actually doing that. They're not keeping people safe. They're creating unsafe situations, taking away resources, and then also killing giants. Right.

I mean, look at this. Someone lived here, Doren, and I, like, just gesture to the burned out house we're in. My point is that can we convince them to do the right thing and find a middle ground with them, find a compromise? The question is, what do we want them to do? We need to start connecting people. We need to start connecting the folks in Everland, with the folks in Waterdeep, with these folks. We can start coordinating to figure out where the hell the giants are.

The fact that we can send these maps as reports back to Waterdeep, that's great. It'd be nice if it was more than just the four of us trying to put deal. details on them. They could be doing it in a productive way. And he said it himself last night that he didn't think that he'd be able to do it without us there, or the fight would have looked very different. I think that you're on the right track, Jack. Bringing people together is the answer here. Right, but if we are connecting these people, maybe we shouldn't be connecting them so much with Chaos Hammer. Perhaps we should go to the king. Chaos Hammer said that he wanted to take matters into his own hands because the king wasn't doing anything.

If the king can be convinced to use these people in a way that's actually meaningful, then maybe we should connect them. It's not mutually exclusive. We should be connecting the king. This is a crisis for all of the sword coast to move on. And the more people we have who understand that, the better. Chaos hammer's early. He's coming out of the gate hot.

He wants to do something now. We need to give him something to do while we get time for the slower folks to catch up. Well, what I mean to say is that I think it might be a bad idea to go about directly dealing with them over the king. I don't know dwarven culture at all. Doran, this is a rebel group, essentially. If we were to contact them and give them orders or try to manipulate them without counsel from the king, could he see that as a slight? I think we need to deal with what we can deal with right now.

And to hike all the way over to Citadel Adbar is... not in our best interest at this point in time. Jack wants to make connections with these people. So do I. So we go to Chaos Hammer and we say, look, we want to put you in touch with who, who, Jack? Captain Sidori Handler in Waterdeep, she's the one who's been coordinating a lot of the efforts further west.

From there, we could start looping in some of the harpers. But put them in charge or something. From there, we could start looping in Valharo trying to get, I mean, I think we need Handler and Valhara. to start talking. Exactly. Support him. Maybe we can just say, what kind of resources do you need? What would help let Chaos Hammer take the lead, but feel like he's got someone backing him up who's listening? I mean, basically, continue to do what you're doing, but just without the negative impacts of the local towns. And you think Sidiari Hanla will send reinforcements and food and

stuff up here to a band of dwarven rebels to help them? Listen, worst case, we could leave 500 gold with them to say, go buy some resources. You took 200 gold off him last night. If we need to really, like, fund their activities, that's something the Nightstone Four should be doing. All I am saying... Is funding, defending the North. What I am saying is uniting the king and his splintered faction

before giving aid to a side of this north. Why not try to connect the Water Davian side of things, with the Everland side of things, with the Dwarven Kingdom of Adbar rather than the splintered factions. I just, I... So now, what do we do today? Because we have to talk to this guy today.

And if we walk away from here, he's going to keep doing his thing. So he needs to change what he's doing today? Tomorrow, what are we going to do to talk to the... Maybe we should try to convince him to reunite with the king. Well, if we say, you're doing everything great, let's connect you with Waterdeep,

versus you're doing everything wrong. You should go back to the king and start fresh. two very different splinter points. I don't think that's either of the conversations. I think the conversation is your heart's in the right place. You need help to do it better. How can we help you? I guess I just, I guess I'm not on the same pages as you, Jack. Um, most importantly, did everybody finish their scones? It was delicious. Thank you. Yes. Yeah. I think that it's a tricky situation. Um, and I think that right now, we do have to focus on the present moment. Eventually, going and speaking with the king is something that we're going to have to do because like Jack is

saying, we need more people in the loop about what is happening. And for a long time, Everland wasn't he doing anything about the giants? And these people are. And that's important to keep note of. But it is in Chaos Hammer's best interests to have more support than just him in his dwarven band. If the townsfolk were to come back and we were to legitimize their cause, give them space so that both the townsfolk and the dwarves can live amicably side by side, have a base of operations that these dwarves can come back to, create an economy where they are allowed to grow and defend the North, like Jack says. I think that's going to serve in both parties' best interests.

The other thing, Red, is that you assume that the king at Citadel Adbar is going to be more reasonable than Chaos Hammer is at this moment in time. If we can somehow support Chaos Hammer and then have a conversation with the king, it essentially does everything that we're saying, but we can do that now today. I'm not trying to imply that speaking with the king would be easier. I don't know. All I am saying is that I am hesitant to throw our support and whether it be financial or connections behind a force that is done bad in this land, Jack and Dora. And I recognize why you see the good that they've done. But to make a stand that the Nightstone Four have supported or backed the actions that these dwarves have taken could lead to trouble down the road. That's all I'm saying. You must realize that the minute we say, you know, let us connect you.

What we're really saying is we support your actions. Your point lands, Red. That connected for me. Thank you. Today we need to get Chaos Hammer to stop terrorizing the people and burning the countryside. Agreed. My only point is that we need to be mindful of how we do that. Because if the optics from Everlindar, the Nightstone Four, walked into Jallanthar and left,

supporting them or giving them money or it means a lot of dangerous things who knows how we would be received in everland afterwards who knows how the dwarven problem would be perceived in the north and and people have seen the northern problem as your mage friend in evelyn said 100%. The vibe I get is that they see that the ends have justified the means and this is why I have circled back around to my original point which was something is fractured here and beyond all the other things that are fractured, it is the split between the dwarven kingdom and its peoples. They feel abandoned. That's why Chaos Hammer has done this. Is there a way that this conversation can reunite a fire within him to be a part of his kingdom again and be a part of the greater

good of dwarven kind, maybe expressing to him how Evelyn has viewed the actions of the Dwarven people, as your mage friend has alluded to. He is causing a war, not just against the giants, but against the peoples of Evelyn. That is the thread in which I want to pull, uniting the fractured portion, the Dwarven Citadel of Advar. That is where I think our point lies. So we find out Chaos Hammer's side of the story. Yes. We figure out what he's brought to the table and start with that. And then as a very important side agenda, say, please, put any giant hunting on paws? The bigger picture goal of being very thoughtful

about how we support the terrorists in coming to take some responsibility for their actions, absolutely. My short-term goal is if they need a thing to do, that's got to be figuring out where giants are and telling us where they are. The four of you leave this burned out hut and move into the center of the city

looking for Captain Chaos Hammer. your mind's set as one towards diplomacy and solving the giant problem. Talk, talk, talk. Where's all the giant killing? Thanks once again to our Patreon supporters, Christopher Ryan Evans, Mitchell Cadwell, Colin Burkhardt, Daniel Doug, Katie Orrett, and Merlin.

Thank you. Thank you.