Dice Shame - 90 | 'No Worse for Wear'

Episode Date: July 1, 2021

The far north calls as the team moves onward to meet their giant friend... Comedy, action and a whole lot of shaming come together in Dice Shame, an Actual Play Podcast of Storm King's Thunder by Wizards of the Coast! Join our GM Jo; her partner Harlan, his brother Alex & their best friends Justin and Rob as they tackle the daunting world of Faerun in this legendary adventure module! Dice Shame is a podcast that welcomes its audience to the gaming table. Like the games they play at home, they try not to take themselves too seriously. The show aims to be entertaining, inclusive, and irreverent, while still taking the rules (somewhat) seriously. Join us every Thursday morning for brand new episodes available on all major platforms including; Spotify, iTunes, Google Play and more! If you haven't checked it out yet... what are you waiting for?!? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Anyway, cool. They think I know something, I don't. Just in the heat of battle, just brain the tabaxi. Hey there, buddy. We all get it. Love you. Go away. They're all ready to mind.

But if something were to go wrong... He said I looked real tired and he gave me this cream that has diamonds in it. Bring us your host special, eh? The before times. That's how... That's how you'll probably reach fame. Yeah. I saved a baby.

You shaved a baby? But did you shave a baby? Let's go... Let's go find a room. Welcome back to Dice Shame, episode 90, no worse for where. This week's MVP is Lucas Green, who shouted us out on Twitter. Thanks, Lucas. Looking for some more amazing shows to fill your evening?

Whichever Path is an anthology series where your decisions affect the story. Their stories are based on America's Northeast and feature characters finding themselves in the thick of the unknown. while tackling issues like queer identity, gender, race, and spirituality. They're an amazing show and well worth your time. Check them out at www.witcheverpath.com or anywhere you can find podcasts. All right. Should we get down to it? Let's do this. It's getting hot in Canada, which means that Harlan cranks the AC in the house so that he's comfortable.

Totally. Fact. We have different body chemistry. What can I say? It keeps you awake. It's a lot easier to get warm, though, than to get cold. So it's usually like Harlan makes it cold in the house. And then I'm like drinking something hot or wearing a big sweater or something.

And I use an electric heating pad pretty much whenever I'm sitting here in our office at my desk. It's on the floor. It keeps my feet warm. And I think it falls pretty securely in the same. the realm of old person habits, which leads me to the question I wanted to ask everybody tonight. We're all in our 30s. Some of us are earlier 30s. Some of us are not so early 30s anymore. And I presume we're all starting to slowly accumulate old person habits, like reusing tea bags. White smack on the corners of our mouths. Well, that's not a habit so much as just an

Reality. Yeah. Do you guys, do you have embarrassing shit that you do that's like old dude stuff? A fart. I've got a good one to start us off. I fart a lot. So I was out on my lawn and I'm staying there and I see these two guys approach and

they're like my age and they're pretty hip and they're ancient. Heading down the street and I'm like, hey, how's it going? And I'm standing there, you know, pulling dandelions. And I just felt like, oh, that's good. You know, I'm like, I'm pulling Danny Lyons. I mean, maybe this is TMI. The shit I took. Well, you're not too far off.

I mean, gas, guys. I mean, I'm just discovering that I'm a gassy man. And it's okay. It's all right. Well, it's not, you just care less now that you're older. That's the thing. Everyone's gassy, but when they're older, they're like, well. Yeah, but also, I think.

I think maybe I'm developing, like, food sensitivities over time. Like, soy just destroys the whole house. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. You know how grandparents' houses always have a certain smell to them? Smell. Yes. And it's just like, it's always comforting.

Is that fart smell? Well, so I didn't know what it was, but it just was always, Oma and Opa's house always smelled a certain way. Yeah. And one time my Oma was over and she was hanging out with my mom and I while we were doing some renovations. And she just let out the loudest, like just rip her.

And we were like, yeah, okay, all right, Oma. And then she's like killing herself laughing. Rock gone, Oma. Get a couple whiffs. I'm like, oh, that smells like your house. Oh, no. Did you say that to her? I think I might have.

I don't remember. But it was hilarious. She thought it was funny. Wow, Grandma, that fart smelled exactly like how your house smells. Like popering and rose petals. That's weird to think that your Oma farts old house smell. Can we sell this? Can we capitalize on this in some way?

Old house candle. 100% authentic house smell. Can farts from grandma. And omah farts. I mean, the closest I've got to like the thing that reminds me of like, oh, I feel like an old now is really just how much I care about watching birds and how mad I am at squirrels. Just all the time. It'd be like, oh, what kind of bird is that? I better stop and swear out.

I hear it tweeting. I don't recognize. I'm going to try and figure out where it's coming from. As you're heading down the stairs with your laundry. And you're like, oh, I think that's a subclass of old person. And I totally see, I totally see you subscribing into that subclass. Bird love? Yeah, bird love.

It's one, like, it runs in the family. But for the whole growing up, we're like, I don't understand well, my grandma was into this or cares about all this or has five books about identifying birds. It doesn't, don't care at all as a kid. And now I'm like, I kind of get it now. Man, I wish I had one of those books to figure out. books yeah my my my subclass yeah i've definitely started to put some points in my old person subclass i i definitely feel a bit nosy like every once in a while i'm looking out the front window and i'm just like you know a car pulls up and this is the funniest the other day there

was some rogers guys i guess which is the internet company around here and they were looking at a neighbor's house not even mine and one of the guys and i was home alone and one of the guys gets out of the car and he starts smoking and i i caught myself talking and going smoke it on the job hey just taking a break you haven't even started and then I had this like crystallizing like oh god

who gives this shit I bet you take an extra 15 minutes on lunch no but just this like like literally just standing at the window with a cup of coffee like watching these people just looking outside of favorites I mean that also might be explained through COVID and lack of being able to talk to real people

in person just like you know I definitely refer to people that are passing by in old persons, be like, hey guys. Hi. Oh, you got a nice bike there. Yeah, okay. Well, enjoy. Please talk to me.

Ride safe. I'm home alone. And Joe? What about you, Joe? It might, I mean, mine, I think, is the electric heating blanket. Oh, right. That's the most egregious old person habit that I have right now. I don't know if I can think of anything else off the bat.

But also, like, folded blanket at the end of my bed. You definitely had a shawl period that we had to talk about. talk about that felt that felt that felt a bit too much for me that was like going wearing the blanket as a cape around yeah it was a short it was a short time when you kind of you started wearing it like a bit like a shawl and i was just like hey can i can we do something can we talk about how you look like i can i buy you a nice sweater and can i make something happen because i am i want you to be comfortable and warm but the shawl is very very much reminding me of not doing it for you Well, I mean, it's the same with me, right?

Like, old people, you know, they hiked those shirts up. And if I was like a, I want to say a t-shirt, tugging in their shorts, but right now my t-shirt is tucked in my shirts. But it wasn't for most of the day. Do any of you own Tilly hats yet? Yeah, we do. Henry does. All right, that qualifies.

They're at the cottage, though. If you need them, they're all there. There's like 30 that you can just borrow. They're a cottage hat. They're always there. They're useful to have the little string underneath. that you can tighten in case it's a little bit of a windy day.

Honestly, a little bit. I do it all the time at the cottage. Tighten it right up. And then when you don't need it anymore, you can just slide it off the back of your head and it'll hang down on the cord, right? You don't need to carry it around. I mean, I also have been just appreciating silence more,

which is definitely an old person thing, I think. You know, when you're young or even, you know, in your 20s, you're kind of like, oh, man, let's get something. Let's put something on. the music. And don't get me wrong, I still can be very much like that. But I also sometimes I'm just like, I just want to sit in the sunbeam for like 20 minutes with nothing around and zone out and enjoy that for a second. Oh, you're old because you fall asleep in sunbeams. That's definitely

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just napping in the sunbeam. Also, I've been doing the like over-exaggerated shoulder checks when I'm driving, which I think is an old person thing as well. But that's just how I Drive. Speaking of getting old, I don't know if your characters are going to get old because they might die because it's D&D. Oh, wait. Yeah. Last week, last session was actually a really close call. Yeah.

If Kralov hadn't smacked Red's face with his mace. And that, uh, that would have been really hard to get back. That invisibility, Barry, that Red ate at the last minute was clutch, allowed you to escape those creatures. Oh, you mean had I not followed you? Yeah, had you not followed me? I totally missed where you, I was like, where did that happen? You're right, yeah.

No, that was crazy. I thought you meant like you hit him with the mace, but you like touch, you like not, you tapped him. Great. I was like, I did. Well, yeah, I was an accident. I accidentally knocked his face. In the heat of battle, just brain the tabaxi. Oops, sorry.

And left. I attack him when he's sleeping. When he least expects him. It's interesting to think that we've leveled up in like less than a year. You know, it's like two months. Right. It's interesting. interesting to think you think of leveling up like in a more you know but realistically our characters

have gone anywhere from like 30 to 150 years of their lives and then have had like a month yeah where they did everything important i think it's a combination of things i think people's when you don't use a skill it erodes right dorin was a soldier right and he was very skilled warrior but then he kind of retired from that life so you think he got like up to level eight and then went back down i was just about to say that i i think you're that we kind of all go through that where like maybe in previous years of your life you like spent a lot of more time traveling and then you like forget spells and you're like whatever i'm busy with torren and stuff well that's cool to think that maybe crayloth at one point will remember you know be like i remember the spell you know what i mean like because crayloth i think was like unquestionably the most powerful i think jack and red seem like the characters that are learning this for the first time yeah whereas doran and crayloff are the characters that are re-learning these skills. For different reasons.

I like that. And with red and the whole memory thing, I mean, there could be like a whole period of time where you lost kind of what you knew and you're slowly regaining memory as well. What memories thing? You mean Krala? No, no. I mean red as well with the orange, with the orange beaches or the purple sands or whatever. Oh, yeah.

It could be like dreams, but it could be memories. I'm just saying it's like interesting. That's true. Theories. Maybe I'm super. Spoilers. I don't know. Tossing ideas out there for our listeners to ponder.

They think I know something. I don't. Right into this show. P.O. Box 125. D&D. Avenue. Paris, Ontario. All right. Should we play some D&D?

Yes. Yeah, let's do it. Woo! Woo! Hey, woo, you cling to the glossy black feathers of giant vultures, securely saddled between their power. powerful wings as they fly north towards Yarder.

Each of you is wearing a pointed steel helmet stolen from the bodies of the cultus you dispatched back in the ruins of the canyon spire. It's cold up here, just below the tumultuous gray clouds, and your view of the countryside below is sprawling. You travel all day before the city of Yarder hoves into view, tying up the rivers underneath you like a bow. What are we going to do with these vultures when we get down there? Well, we'll find a place to sell them.

I'm sure they go for some good money. I pat the side of my Griffin slash vulture. I say Griffin slash vulture because I immediately named my vulture Griffin, just to seem less stupid. Of course. Right, Griffin! We're really high up here. Doran yells across to Krala.

Don't look down. I'm sure he needed the reminder, Doran. Yeah, it's like eight hours of flying And then we're like, you You traveled all day, basically I'm starting to feel this in my groin Are we almost there? Yeah, I think yada's over there.

Yeah, just down there through the clouds door and see? Oh, yes. Through the clouds? I only see clouds. No, no, no, no, between them. Oh, yeah. And I think we fly down. I mean, we familiarized ourselves

with the night market pretty well. Even though it's day, I'm sure we can find a stable that we can hawk these off at. We don't need more traveling. Pun intended? No pun intended? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. I mean, these people are like vultches.

Totally, yeah. I mean, as you come down through the sky and you land somewhere in Yarder, on the outskirts of Yarder, who knows? It's coming up on evening, like the sun is getting low. And you realize that as the seasons draw on and the end of the year gets close, The days are getting shorter. The nights are getting longer. So even though it's a little bit earlier on in the evening, it is getting dark already. You traveled all day. So by the time you arrive in Yarder with your vultures kind of hopping and pecking behind you, these huge birds, it is evening and the night market is in full swing. If you'll recall, there are some

exotic animal traders in the night market. So you want to sell your birds? Yeah, we don't need more things weighing us down. Yeah, you guys don't like material possessions at all. No, but we're going to travel to Mirabar and then how useful is Griffin the vulture going to be up north? I don't think they would let you take them. It's just that Harshnag couldn't ride one, you know? True. Think of the giants.

That's, well, somebody think of the giants. Also, they're O.P. Yeah. So for your gear, like the saddles and stuff, they're specialty saddles. and as well the birds, you end up getting 280 gold for the four animals. That's it.

Seems like we got ripped off. Should we just stock up on a second set of diamonds? I'll be honest, and Kralov walks up to Red who's handled the exchange. Things were pretty close back there in the tower. One of us could have gone down easily, and we've only got one set of being able to cast Revivify. Maybe we should get a second set of diamonds.

Yeah, absolutely. Here. And I hand the money directly to Krayloff. Go buy diamonds. Lots of diamonds. All right, I'll hit up the diamond store. And I turned back to the vulture person. I'm like, are you sure you can't give us a little bit more?

No. Go away. They're all ready to mind. You've got to think having to wear the dumb helmets really lowers the price on these things. That's fair. As soon as you guys take your helmets off of the vultures rebel against you, their handlers. I hope Zulkin didn't take his helmet off. You'll never know.

Crazy old Zulkin. That's the last you'll ever. hear from him, I'm sure. Cackling into the sunset. Anyway, after Krayloff gets his diamonds and Red sort of looks around at the night market starting to kick off. But, you know, there's a bit of, his oats have been sown. He's feeling like they did a good break in Yarder. And with a much more serious demeanor, he turns to Doran and Jack and says, what do you say, we kick off to Mirabah? I'm sure it's getting close to the time. We're meant to meet Hashnag anyway. Yeah, I mean, it's a day or two out. Maybe we could

sleep the night and head out there the morning? I look at my companions here and I think they're all looking a little beat up. A little worse for tear. You mean worse for where? That's the one. A little worse for where. This is the D-N-D equivalent where everything's slightly different. I mean, to me I was wondering, was it

T-E-A-R or T-A-R-E? That's the, I was like, what are you thinking this means? I don't think T-A-R-E is a word. Yeah, tear. Of course it is. Like, tear. They're not both spelled the same. No. No.

No. That's news to me. I just learn how to spell tear. Let's change this podcast into a definitions podcast where we do one word in every show. An allowance made for the weight of packaging in order to determine the net weight of goods. Worse for tear. Like I thought maybe I'm dumb and that's like a really clever carryover from like the time when they would weigh things. And, you know, it's like, oh, we're a little worse for tear.

I don't know. I was, I was going on the there. When is the time when people? Is this the conversation that you guys are having when Krayloff gets back? Railroad age? The before times. Before the world fell. No, but like, I'm thinking like railroad age, you know, like the early 1900s, like when they were.

Railroad age. Oh, still like, why it's for tear? Because it's not important to weigh things when you're shipping them air freight. No, I'm just saying that was the most important. I was saying like, you know, they're like, oh, the load is a little light today. Well, we're no worse for terror. We'll still make our time. will still be able to get the full money

for the shipment. I don't know. I was giving Alex the benefit of the doubt. Clearly, I was wrong. No, Alex deserves the benefit of the doubt. Alex, you should have rolled with it. I was thinking... I think we should take a new worst for tear.

I think what it should be is like, coined a new phrase here. I guess I never really considered that word tear actually in how you're spelling it. I was thinking tear as in torn, which is not called T.A.R. I think our next podcast after Dyshame is wrapped up.

It's called No Worse for Terror. It's going to be called railroad times worse for tear we're going to be cowboys words for tear the before times

it's not like that you know that could be a newspaper it's not like the today or the times it's you know the before times so I'm looking at my companions

and they're looking worse than I can't fucking use it no worth of words they look like shit really you all look like hell You need a good or bad. They look really beaten up.

Everyone, I mean, I'm sure Kralath is looking a little bit green around the gills, as it were. I feel terrible. That's it with an A. Oh, come now. Well, Kralath actually returns, and he's looking very vibrant. In fact, it looks like his skin is sparkling slightly. And he says, hey, yeah, so I got some cool stuff from the diamond seller. He said, I looked real tired, and he gave me this cream that has diamonds in

it. You put it on your face. Here, let me show you, Dorn. Kralov, like, squeezes out some diamond gel and, like, rubs it on Doren's face and beard, and then he's glistened. And then Doren's face, like, absorbs it. Like, you know, like, oh, let me just apply a little more here. The skin is so dry. I mean, there's, there's definitely something about dwarves being, you know, attracted to gemstones and sparkly things anyways. The idea that they might decide a sparkly skin could be a dwarven cosmetic. You know, you want to shine in the darkness? I could see that. So you rub it on my face

and I turn around and I've got these like rosy cheeks and supple skin. Like I'm just like he looks like a, like a Santa's elf. You know? He bler. I look like seven dwarves. Anyway, cool. That looks nice. Oh, thanks, Corral. I feel

I feel very, um, I feel very good. It's lifting. Apparently. We were just thinking we're going to head straight off to Mirabon unless there's anything else you need to do here, Krayloff? Did you guys want to sleep here or sleep in Mirabar? I mean, we're not allowed back in that place. I mean, there are other taverns. I mean, it's been a long day. We've been traveling already.

I mean, I'm not going to lie, guys. I kind of want a more quiet sleep than Yada's night scene can provide. I mean, listen, nobody's inside in the in the inn trying to go to sleep during when we are. Everybody else is out on the town. Yeah, I don't have strong opinions one way or the other. I don't care. You guys walk past the Mary serpent and there's like drawings of your faces out front with like big exes to them. All right. Let's go to Mirabar. Maybe we can find it. Start fresh. Cool. Cool. Back to the portals. I feel like we do like a spin on our heels and is that is the portal here the one that's in like the backyard with the gate garden?

Hey, let's just be easy on the berries this time. We don't want to hog them all. You know, they're growing them for a reason. We better leave. I don't worry. I got plenty left over. They're all in here. Oh, great. You make your way back to the dilapidated cottage that you know conceals the Harper's teleportation circle and after you knock Colbas opens the door surly as ever. Hi!

Come in then. Shouldn't should have known I'd be seeing you so soon. Hello. Hey Colbaz. You know you said this city wasn't very good but it's the best city we've been to in a long time. I love it here. Hey, do you want some face cream? No, no. Get that stuff away from me. Stop wasting our diamond dust. That's for

revivifying people. That's awfully intimate. He looks at you kind of with a hard eye read Your goat disappeared Yeah Oh Didn't have anything to do with it I swear

One second I was given him A nice scratch behind the years The next second he Poof Left me all alone Oh I've just gone and bought him Some alfalfa too

And you see in the corner There's like a little Like Bail of grass Well you know I'm sure he's around here I read like Kind of winks at the others

He's like let me look and Red's like pretending to look under things and then he goes over to like a coat rack which undoubtedly has been searched many times he's like oh here he is and he like reaches in and casts it as he pulls out Stephen in his like

arms like he was just hiding he likes to hide behind the boot like didn't want to make this guy feel like bad for anything so he puts it down Dorn's like looking underneath the book he's like I don't know honestly Stephen hides in all the weirdest places you never

know which direction he's going to come out of. Oh, he had the best time here, didn't you, Stephen? Oh, that means he had the best time. Thank you so much for watching over him. I suppose you're here to use the circles. Tamirabar, yeah. Get on with it then. Leave me in peace. Okay.

Oh, hey, goodbye. Oh, actually, there was one thing that I wanted to give to you, and Krayloff pulls out a little pouch, and he holds it out to him and says, hey, I noticed that you were doing some cooking when he came in, and it smelled real good. But these are some spices that you might be able to use in your next culinary adventure. I just thought you might like that. He takes it from me with like a confused look on his face, opens it suspiciously. Well, thank you.

It's called paprika. Put it on fish. Or is it paprika? Is it a gift or did you need me to pay you? No, no, of course. It's a gift. A way of saying thank you for your service and for, uh, You're telling us about the town.

Not only that, I wanted to give you a bit of money for watching Stephen here. And I give him like two gold. I'm just like, yeah, you kept him company. Stephen loves getting in those cabbards. Don't, uh, don't pity me. I'm okay here by myself. I don't think anyone's pitying you, friend. What's all this stuff for?

I think you just need to... I just think you're a nice guy and I... Realize that people like you. We're just those type of people. Doren's like pushing his way through the back door. Yeah, I think Jack's, sort of on that precipice where, like, Doran's in the backyard and Jack's on the threshold waiting for the others to...

And Kralath and Red, who need everyone to like them are, like, desperately trying to get this man's approval, being like, just take the gifts, that's all. He gives you both kind of a curt nod. Did you see that? Kralath, he likes us. We did it. Oh, right. Low five, low five.

Discrete. Ah, gotcha. Discrete five. That's my butt. You step through the glowing blue room. and are enveloped in the portal disappearing into the void as you travel north,

far north to Mirabar. Whob-oo-b-woob-de-woob-de-woob-ty-woob-de-wub. I mean, it's got to have that good woo-sh from like Stargate or something. That's the... Pretty much. The teleportation circle empties you out into a dim loft filled with straw

and the smell of animal. Nearby, there's a simple cot and a ladder leading down to the main floor. Jack, do people ever get trapped in between portals? God, I hope not. I mean, it depends on which way you dissect that question, because it's not that there's much in between to get trapped in, but if something were to go wrong, one might find themselves ejected onto the astral plane or the ethereal plane or something.

It's not unheard of, but it's pretty rare, especially these circles are very anchoring for teleportation. I think, like, I'm turning it around in my head. I think I've almost got ways to do one without a whole circle. I'm still thinking about it. But, you know, these anchors are really what make it as safe as possible. Jack's still just, like, sitting on his ass in the straw, like postulating about teleportation circles. There's like a chicken just clucking by. And as he is, Doran's, like, lying back and has started to snooze into the night.

It's at that moment when a dwarf dressed in a warm-looking, rough-spun wool and leather overalls pops his head up into the loft. Hey, come on now. Hop down from there. Hey, my name's Red. This is my best friend, Jack, and this is my best friend Doran, and this is my best friend Kralov. We'll hop down from here. And Red follows. Yep. Come on, Doran.

He, like, hops up into the loft. This dwarf is obviously, I mean, he works here. He's got straw in his beard. And as you sort of pick yourselves up, he's kicking hay back over the runes that are inscribed in the knotted plank floor. He's, like, disguising the fact that there ever was a circle here. And he's like, quick as you will, hop down. Name Zasper, like the mineral.

Howdy, Mr. Iron Fist? How'd you do? Oh, good to meet you, Asper. How did you know my name was Iron Fist? Ah, the steel. Come on. And he like scales the ladder super quick back down into the body of the stable. As you look down, you can see that this moderately sized stable holds horses, ponies, and goats, but it looks totally mundane. This is clearly kind of a secret situation here. My name is red.

Did he, he heard that he said my name is red, right? Craig Lov, he heard me say that I was red, didn't he? He didn't say hi to me? He said, hi to Doran. Why didn't he say hi to Doran? His name kind of precedes him. I mean, he's a bit of a big deal. What is he like three foot five?

Kraylov gives a wrist-sharing pat on Red's back. Dern hears this and looks back at Red. And just with a knowing glance, he kind of makes some eyes at you. And he points to his own height, and he points to the height of the other. It's a lot of knowing glances again. Right.

You're really getting this down. Yes. We love those. God, come on. Let's move. You hop down from this loft, and you find that Zach Asper's already sort of busied himself.

He's like mucking one of the stalls. The Mirabar and authorities would be angry to learn us, Harper's have got an unlicensed teleportation circle within the city walls. You fellas can keep it under your lids now, eh? Of course. Oh, course. Yes. There's nothing more we like to do.

Keep things to ourselves. Sneaky sort. I like it. All right, all right. I hope you guys pack some warmer clothes than those, eh? We're in a cold snap. Freeze the beard off your face. Um, well, we did have warmer clothes, but, uh, sorry, guys, I've been meaning to tell you this.

Remember those jars I picked up and Red sort of like looks into the bag of holding? And he's like, yeah, there's a few broken glass bits that cut them all to shreds. We might need to buy some new ones. Oh, are you kidding me? Sorry. Listen, uh, and Doran turns to this dwarf. You say, uh, Zaspur is your name? Zasper, yeah.

Yeah, good to me, good to me. And Doran puts that a hand. He gives you a hearty shake. Have you got somewhere where we can lay our heads down for the evening? We're exhausted. We're going to need some clothes. Yeah, there's a dwarf-friendly inn just around the corner. It's called The Root Inn.

Fin Rain will get you set up, right? Well, will these fellas fit? And I point to, like, Kralath and the Tabaxi. I mean, most of the folk on the surface here have got some beds for larger folk, for sure. Now, there's a tailor nearby. Shops called The Magic Needle, no relation to the Harpers at all. just a good, reputable fella. He'll get you sorted out with some proper gear, hey?

Yeah. Mind what I said now. This stable's nothing but a roof to keep some horses dry. No funny business. And you never saw us, eh? You know what you're saying. I'm going to have a hard time keeping it to myself. I didn't have Doran Iron Fist here in the stable.

But, yeah, I'll do my best. I'll do my best. All right, you gentlemen, on your way now, on your way. He did it again, Crayloth. He said Doran, not even me. He didn't even notice me. I'm a big furry person. What's the date when we arrive in Mirabar?

It's the night of the 23rd of Ucdor coming into the 24th. So you guys said that you're going to meet Harsh Nag on the 25th. You've got a day here to burn. Red, you keep fletching those arrows the way you fletcher. Maybe one day you'll be as famous as Dorr or more so. Damn right. From fletching arrows probably. That's how you'll probably reach fame.

Yeah. I saved a baby. You shaved a baby? Let's go find a baby. Let's go find a room. And tomorrow we can go to the magic needle, get some good clothes. Yeah. The city of Mirabar is stark in its contrast to the commotion of the Knights in Yarder.

As you make your way through the city for the first time, you notice that it is kind of a gloomy, industrious place. It's well-built, definitely influenced by dwarven hands. It's a mixture of military, human, and brutalist dwarven architecture. Interestingly enough, a lot of these buildings seem to have been created to attend to people of many different sizes. So many buildings have got lower doorknobs on their front entranceways. The window silles are lower. the stairwells have got shorter stairs to accommodate for smaller legs. This is like a city that is built to accommodate dwarves and humans.

Some places even have two differently sized front doors in the face of their establishment. Cool. And you said it's cold. Is it snowing right now? It's flustering. It's fucking freezing. It's so cold. Mirabar is, it looks like it's been seeing some blizzards for the past.

couple of weeks at least. So all of the roofs are hung with snow and icicles. There are snow banks. Some of them like muddy and trudged through. But yeah, it's cold as hell and it's definitely winter up here. This is the fucking frozen

north guys. It's not quite as bad as East Haven where you guys were when you were hanging it with Dizan, but this is real cold. Damn, boys. Maybe we should have stayed in Yada. Oh man. It's too late for that now. I don't know. I kind of like the, uh, sleeping in the cold, getting all snuggled up and warm in a blanket, you know? I can tell this is a friendly place.

What, what makes you feel that way? Oh, look around. It's full of Dwarven architecture, Jack. I mean, come on now. These are my people. I feel at home here. Something about it. Something about the sizes of the doors. It says, anybody's welcome. I think that dog is dead. Yikes. Just frozen. Just a frozen dog. And everyone that you used... It's like a deserated corpse. Just a frozen...

Yeah. Hey there, buddy. That's really funny, actually. Everyone that you see in the streets, and there aren't that many people, probably because it's getting dark and it's so cold outside. But everyone's really bundled up for the weather to fur-lined capes and multiple layers of wool and clothing. Capes with hoods. and all that crap. So you guys want to head to the

Root Inn that you were recommended? Yeah, let's make haste. It's a bit late to the Taylors, I guess. Yeah, the Root Inn. Find Finran. Finrain? Finrain, yeah. So you ask for directions maybe

and you're pointed to a very cozy looking in. It's just a single story, but a warm glow is emanating from the panes of glass in the front of this shop. the tile hung over the front door has just got a couple of root vegetables like an onion and a carrot and shit

all just painted on yeah you bust in through the door and you are greeted by a short male like short for a dwarf male named Finn Rain he's like hey how's it going guys what can I do for you tonight oh a bat and a room for us please

yeah nice warm bed please thank you of course yeah you're going to have some dinner or lots of space in the common room and you look around and there's a couple of dwarves around here there's a halfling and then the rest of the patrons are humans it's not a terribly lively scene folks are mostly just eating and enjoying their dinner but yeah there's space for you to sit down if you want to have a meal i think a quick bite would be nice warm up bones yeah bring us uh your host special eh something hot you guys get sat down he slides you some kind of meat and potato stew.

It's tasty, it's hearty, and then after dinner, you guys head upstairs, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Jack's definitely looking for an hour of time by himself near a fire somewhere where he's going to do some magics. Well, each of the rooms has their own fireplace, so you can definitely do that with some privacy here. Cool.

Actually, you know what? It might be nice for us to each get our own room. I feel like this is, for some reason. a good point where we all take a little break from each other. You know what I mean? It's kind of nice actually to get a bit of space. We love each other. We meet each other in the hall. We're like

listen, we all get it. Love you. No, nothing wrong, but you know, we want to do some grooming on our island. The chances of us being harassed by Hunt Lords. Hunt Lords of any variety, probably the least likely the moment we arrive and it only gets more likely the longer we stay in a place. So it's never safer to have our own

room than the first night. I mean, honestly, I don't think we've had a second alone since, you know, at least a few weeks. Yeah, it's true. Before you guys are finished speaking about, you know, how you're wanting your alone time, there's like, Doran slams his door, and you hear the axe go into the headboard, and then a third bump of him hitting the bed, yeah. Boom, boom, boom.

He didn't even push the beds together. All right. So, Jack, you have some stuff that you want to do by yourself. you're going to summon Kieran. Yeah. Krayloth. I mean, Doren's going straight to bed. I love it.

Kralath, do you have anything that you want to attend to before bedtime? Hmm. Yeah. You hear the voice through the muffled door of Kralath. Just having a muffled conversation. Yeah, cool. So, Red, you're settling in for the evening as well.

Oh, yeah. A moment alone, I shut the door and lighted a fire. And, yeah, like, genuinely haven't had a moment alone for what it seems like a month almost, you know? Yeah, you guys have been definitely keeping close company, especially with Lehman's tiny hut, sleeping in close quarters, doing a lot of adventuring together. You hear a curious sound as you are getting ready for bed,

you know, tending the fire, doing your tobacco yoga or whatever the hell it is that you do. You hear a strange sound coming from within the bag of holding. And Red gets almost excited And he goes to the door for a second And like opens it a crack And looks out into the hall And then shuts it again and like locks the door

He walks over the bed and kneels at the side of the bed And puts the bag of holding on its side And reaches in and he pulls out In the dim light of the fire The Umber Hulk egg And he holds it in his hands He's been waiting for this Secretly at night

He's been trying to keep it warm And keep it comfortable Just spooning this weird egg. For little moments, he just like slip his hand in the bag of holding and he like puts it. And part of the old weather clothing that he said was broken, he actually just tore up and made into like a little nest for the egg within the bag of holding. And finally as this like small little cracking comes out, he pulls the Umberhawk egg out and just looks at it as it starts opening on the bed before him. He's got like a little piece of meat and he's got like a little piece of meat. and he's got like a little piece of veggie from the stew in case he wants either.

Like there's little pieces of food that have been kept secretly from meals in the past. And Red is like ready for this thing to hatch. Yeah, it comes out of this kind of thick eggshell mandibles first, making a weak clacking noise as it exploring. the air for the first time, this creature is almost kind of like a burnt orange color and its crazy eyes appear next out of this eggshell as it drops away onto the bed and it fixates on you. And you watch as its pupils kind of spin and regard you the strange alien intensity. Hi! and like bunches up the pillows around it a little bit

and like starts making it this tiny little fort on the bed and he's like, I'm your daddy. My name is Red. You're going to be my best friend. Full on empty nest syndrome going on with Red. Yeah, 100%. And he like lifts that little piece of shell off its head like John Hammond. I was going to say it's a fucking Jurassic scene here.

bush bush and the uh yeah he like lets it get out on its own you know he knows the whole thing and then as it finally breaks out he just he like scoops it up in his little furry paws and tries to bring it into his chest to embrace it yeah it's it's a weak little creature it does have sharp claws oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh no no no no no no no no the way that like puppies and kittens have like needle teeth when they're little it's like it's all right pretty dangerous, but it's clearly it needs to be taught what is food and

what is not. Yeah. And I think Red has the piece of meat and has the piece of veggie and he like debates for a second and then he eats the piece of meat and feeds it veggie only. It's going to turn this to a vegetarian umberhawk. That's adorable. And I think its instinct kicks in after it cuddles

with you for like a good 20 minutes sort of making weird chirping sounds. It starts to explore your bed and it's like it's it does like a tiny tunnel it like digs a little bit through the mattress yeah and like he's really pleased with it red's like oh no no no no no like pulls this little things out and then smash cut to like red has like tied on two little mits on its little claws just like a lobster claw you know so it's like trying to tunnel and it's just tearing at the

thing he's like don't worry i'm going to get us outside at one point and we'll get to tunnel all the day. I want to teach you how to do all the cool things. But for now, we can't ruin this place. We've been kicked out of so many inns. I got so many stories to tell you it's going to be wonderful. Awesome. Yeah. And you know, I mean, Red is someone who has done this with animals back in Mazdica. I do think he's the kind of thing to weirdly nurture animals and then let them go. I think he is very much, has that ranger sense of like having a bestial friend and familiar to an extent. But also, I I'm sure, like, you felt bad. You killed its parents.

There were these eggs, you know, you wanted to... Oh, there's many obvious layers to this. None of which need to be explained. Cool. I love that. Yeah, Red sleeps with it, like, right next to, like, cut it up. So sweet. It's, like, a little bit nocturnal, so I'm sure that you get the best sleep, but it's definitely...

Babies are known for letting you sleep really comfortably through the night, I understand. Worth it. Jack, while Red is getting to know this new life form, you are summoning your spirit. it, right? What happens? Yeah, and it's the first time in a long time where Jack's had a minute alone to sort of sit in front of a fire with the incense and herbs and charcoal and sort of get the perfect fire going and infused with magic and that ability to reach out into the beyond and connect with that familiar spirit of Kieran. And I think intellectually, mentally, he's going through the catalog of like, what are all the perfect forms for a familiar that could, you know, help us and

gain all the advantages we could possibly need on the adventure to come. And I think that sort of gets overwhelmed as he's reaching out with this like, you know, need for some, for some unconditional love and someone to shepherd him on the right path. And so I think there's this moment where he makes contact with this form of Kieran that is just this heavenly creature that jumps out of the fire as this puffy golden retriever, just ready to jump into his lap and, you know, be all over it. Hey, boss. Hey, Kieran. I'm so glad you're back.

It's nice to be back. Yeah. Oh, it's so good to see you. And, yeah, just a heartfelt reunion with brand new golden retriever, Kieran. They give you like these slimy kisses all over your face. And, you know, Jack's into it. He needed that little bit of affection from someone. It's been a tough time on the road.

Absolutely. And maybe partly influenced by the fact that it is chilly in this. in, Kieran definitely contributes to helping you stay warm at night as this is the first night by yourself in a room. So they're like curled up in your bed with you. Like, Jack definitely does the math and it's like, there's no way to get a 10 foot radius thing in here that's not going to cut off half of two other people's rooms. I guess I'll probably not. I'll just stoke the fire nice. But cute. I think there's just something about that pure bundle of lovely energy. I love that. And so as you each

tire to your rooms. The sun sets on the city of Mirabar. Ah, another cold night on the road. Thank you once again to our Patreon supporters, Christopher Ryan Evans, Colin Burkart, Daniel, Doug, Jessica Orrett, Mari Karnisti, Katie Orrett, and Merlin. Thank you so much. See you soon. Hey, hey.