Dig It with Jo Whiley and Zoe Ball - 77: DIG IN - Can “Nesting” Make Divorce Easier?

Episode Date: March 23, 2026

Jo & Zoe dig into whether “nesting” - where the kids stay put and parents rotate in and out - can actually make divorce easier on children. Plus, Jo picks up some handy half-marathon hints, our Diggers share brilliant advice on handling school anxiety, and there’s possibly our most curveball toy story yet...GET IN TOUCH📧 Email us: [e-mail]📱 Text or Voice Note: 07477 038795💬 Or tap here to send a voice note or message on WhatsApp:⁠ ⁠https://wa.me/447477038795SPECIAL THANKS TO OUR SPONSORSThis episode is brought to you by Visit Scotland & Trip Advisor, Ancient & Brave and Airbnb.✨ VisitScotland & TripAdvisor – Dreaming of a Spring escape? Scotland is full of breathtaking places to explore, from the wild Atlantic beaches of the Outer Hebrides to peaceful riverside walks in Perthshire. You could spend your days wandering coastal paths, discovering castle gardens, and enjoying brilliant local food along the way. Whether it’s a windswept walk to clear your head or a cosy stay in the countryside, there’s so much to see. Start planning your own Scottish adventure at https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/scotlandCREDITSExec Producer: Jonathan O’SullivanProducer: Samantha PsykAssistant Producer: Eve JonesTechnical Producer: Oliver GeraghtyVideo Editors: Cameron Laird and Jack Whiteside

Coming up on Dig It. Nesting, I've not heard about this, but it sounds like a pretty good idea. I've not tried the nesting thing. I tried moving a couple of doors down for a little bit when I split up with Norm. Dretching generally being the age I am. God, I really need a good stretch, cat stretch and all those kind of things. Baby, I don't even know what the names are, pigeons. Ferret. I like to do the half ferret. Something I can tell you from personal experience is, yes, it is a lot to go through, but you will come out the other side of it. all be better in the end. All of that right after this. The Bell Air Direct app includes crash assist, which detects an accident the moment it happens, and even offers you emergency assistance at the tap of a button. Okay, but what if I don't have an accident?

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with Eye Gaming Ontario. Hello, Joe. How are you? I'm good. Do you know why I'm good? Yeah? Because I went to a garden center. Woo-hoo! There we go. not just any old garden centre. It's actually an open garden. It's Coton Manor, which I talk about all the time.

Is that the one where Beyonce went? No, that's Burford Garden Centre. No, oh my God, I'm desperate to go there when I get the time. No, Cotan is just, it's a really beautiful old manor house in the countryside in Northamptonshire. But the gardens are absolutely extraordinary. Gardner's World has been there. They've done quite a few things. Arthur Parkinson's been there. And it's run by a couple who are a bit older now, the Paisley's. Anyway, it's where I buy all my plans. I went there and I just bought buckets and buckets of tulips that had already been planted up in there in the buckets. So I've literally bought them all home. I'm just going to put them into my tubs. That's such a good idea. And that is why I'm happy. Yeah, because if I did that, would it protect them from the squirrels? I don't know. I planted some and I did that thing of planting it under wire, chicken wire, buried it into the air. So I'm hoping those tulips will come up. There are, I have noticed that the squirrels have got through some of the chicken wire. I mean, I don't know what, have they got wire cutters?

The thing is, though, in a way, I quite admire their audacity now. So, and I have been leaving things out for them. I put nuts out for them. I put stuff out for them. I'm like trying to be like, look, here, this is for you. Yum, yum. Stay away from my tulips. Let's come to some kind of arrangement.

But, yeah, I, oh, it's a great idea. I bought some daffodils that were ready planted and put them on the doorstep, and then they came up and they've just been fantastic. They've been so lovely. So sometimes, yeah, it's a great idea. Just go get them. Yeah, I mean, it's a cheat. Yeah, lots of garden centres are doing exactly that.

I bought some daffodils as well. It's just if you've not had time, if you forgot about planting bulbs, you can go and you can get, you know, someone's done the hard work for you, just stick it in a pot and you'll have colour. That's all I wanted. Yes. Yes. Oh, does that mean that I can finally go to the garden centre again on Sunday? Joe's been. You have my permission.

Thank you. Okay. I've got your blessing. You must spend a bit of money and buy some nice things. Hurrah! I shall be sure to let you know what I buy. Please do. It's time to dig in. We love hearing from you. And first up today on the last pod, we were asking for your advice for Joe with her half marathon training. Well, Natalie, it's been in touch, Joe, with this very helpful voice note for you. Thank you, Natalie. Hi, Joe and Zoe, it's Natalie here from North Yorkshire. Joe, following listening to the podcast today and you're asking for some tips ahead of your house. half marathon. I thought I'd get in touch and share a few of mine. I've done over the years quite a few half marathons and a couple of full marathons as well. In terms of running, I would say prioritise the

long runs. A few years back, I did the London marathon when my youngest was only 20 months old and I just didn't have time to do all the other shorter runs during the week. So I always made sure I did that long run each week. Number two, I would say, nutrition, don't run on empty. Really think about what you're eating. Get some protein in there as well. Make sure that you have a decent amount of time before you head out on that run.

And the other thing, if you can do it, strength, stretch, even for 10 minutes a day will help. Really think about that hip mobility and hamstrings and just keep yourself moving and as supple as you can. And that will really help you. on the day. Good look and you've totally got the time to do it and you'll do brilliantly. Lots of love and love the pod. Thanks. Bye. Natalie, more love back to you. Thank you very much. That was all, that was so measured and it was so

doable and practical, everything that you've just said. I'm really, really grateful that you took the time to get in touch. I did go out on a run. I just, I genuinely hadn't anticipated how busy life is with everything going on and how that would impact what I was able to do. So I signed up because I really wanted a challenge. And I thought it would be really fun. And I just wanted to have something to make me do something active. But God, I hadn't realized that life gets in the way. So I went on a run this week.

And Natalie, you just said about protein and eating. And I just haven't eaten very much before I went on the run. And oh my God, my legs were literally like lead. And I was hopeless. I found it really hard, really awful to do. I didn't take any headphones with me either. So I had nothing to listen to. and it was just me plodding around a lake with my leaden feet.

And it was awful. It was really hard. So, and I just thought, I haven't eaten any food. This is why this is so hard. So Natalie, thank you for reminding me about that. And I will try and fit in more long runs. I'll focus on that. Fuel up, girl.

Yeah. No, I won't feel overwhelmed. So thank you. That was incredibly useful advice. And I'm just hoping on the day doing this half marathon that I'll be carried along by the crowd. And I know I will. And I'll have my friends there. And Cassius is doing it as well.

So it'll be fine, but thank you. I really appreciate that. I love the fact that I'm sat here nodding away going, yes, yes, agreeing to everything Natalie's saying, thinking, what do I know about running? I think, do you know what, though? I've been doing my little Pilate stretches up in the loft. Yeah. I'm pointing up there. I'm pointing up there because that's where I do it just over there.

But stretching, we forget how important stretching is. Do you stretch before and afterwards, Joe Wiley, do you? Yeah. Good girl. I do. I do. because as I've got older, because I'm not very supple at all. And my IT band always really, really hurts. So I need to try and stretch that. And just stretching generally being the age I am, God, I really need a good stretch. Cat stretch and all those kind of things. Baby, I don't even know what the names are, pigeons.

Pidgets, rabbits, whatever stretches it takes. I like to do the half ferret. I'm so also, I'm really, really trying to go to the gym now because when I went to Thailand and I did not like the way I was. And I, and I was, and I, I thought I have not been doing any strength training for a long time. So I'm trying to fit that in as well as doing the running. And I feel a hell of a lot better for it for going to the gym and doing my arms and my legs and doing lots of stretching. So then, God, there's just a lot to fit in. There's a lot to fit in to feel human. So much to do. When do we get it all done?

That's why I always laugh when I see people putting out those brilliant kind of Mickey Take socials where they're like, yes, fine. I'll go for a run. I'll do the big shop. I'll pay the bills. I will deal with the friend who's having a bad time. I'll do therapy I'll help with the kids I work yeah sometimes there's just

but that's I guess that's where I'm sad that I don't run because the one thing that I really notice living down on the seafront so many people running and whenever I see someone out running I think good on you good on you that you've taken some time

for yourself just to clear your head and get out there and obviously everyone is really training for the marathons at the moment and halves and stuff but I think also the weather's got a bit better and people are like, get out, get out the house, clear my head. So much going on. But I do. I don't run myself and I got a dicky hit.

But when I look at people running, I do think, go on. Yes. You've got this. You've got this, Joe. I also thought this week, because I met up with my mum. I took my mum out to the garden centre. She came with me. And my auntie, who's her sister, six years younger, came as well.

And, you know, my mum has declined so much physically. She has so many physical issues going on. She's got an operation coming up at the end of eight. But that's the first of many. So I was just so aware of her like, you know, every step she takes is incredibly painful. And if she had a race with a snail, the snail would absolutely whoop her. And, you know, we have to laugh about it. But she's, it's so hard for her to walk. And I look at her and then my auntie has also got issues. And it's all arthritis based. So I can see what's coming down the line for me. I can see. I know what's going to be happening at some point. And so I look

at my mom. I look at my auntie who's got a few issues. And I'm like, right, I'm just going to try and maximize every year that I have. I'm going to try and do as much as I can until I can't. So that's, that's also a big motivation just to, yeah. Yeah, anything that we can do now, obviously as well, you know, I guess we're understanding more and more about how and why these things happen. And it's really frustrating that you can't do much about it. But I guess inflammation and stuff is like there's probably so many things that you can do to make it is there. I don't know if there is. I think arthritis is so, I don't know, I've failed to me. My mum's been so many doctors over the years and so is my auntie and so have I. And there's nothing. People talk about turmeric and cucumrin and all these things. And my mum's taken stuff and I take it and it doesn't make any difference. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to flare ups. I just don't know. But if any digger has found some, you know, the elixir of life, then let us know. Please do. Do let us know. I'm very cynical. But I would love, I would love somebody to, to come on, maybe there's an expert there

because I had a flare-up, I think I mentioned a couple of weeks ago and I couldn't work out why and what caused it, but quite a lot of other people got in touch and said they'd had the same thing. So maybe we'll do a special. Maybe we'll get some anti-inflammatory expert. You can talk about arthritis and share some of their wisdom.

So maybe that will happen in a couple of weeks' time. I'd like that. Yeah. And if that's you, listening to Digit, if you know more about it, do get in touch with us. We'd love to hear from you. You can get touch with us on our socials, of course. Absolutely. Okay, moving on. We recently heard from Becky, who was asking for advice on how to help with her son's anxiety when it comes to going to school, like proper phobia. As ever, the diggers have shown up. Thank you for all your messages on this. Our first comes from Elaine in Scotland.

Hi, Zoe and Joe, I wanted to share with Becky how me and my then teenage daughter managed her anxiety of getting to school. She was in her third or fourth year here in Scotland, and she was literally in tears when it came to go to school every single morning. While getting to the bottom of it, which turned out to be a change in her friendship group, I was lucky enough to have a flexible job where I worked from home a lot. So I made a point of taking her to school, meeting or a break, and bringing her home at lunchtime. So it meant that she was only having to spend an hour or two at most in school at any given time. We encouraged her to take up a musical instrument because it meant that she'd be mixing with kids. She might not have met otherwise. And we got her a job waitressing at the village pub, which really boosted her confidence.

I won't say it was easy because it was heartbreaking, heartbreaking watching her suffer. But Becky, I want this to give you some hope for you and your son's predicaments. I truly feel for you and I send all the love, all the strength and lots of hugs to you both. That is from Elaine in Scotland. Thank you so much, Elaine, for, yeah, just some inspiration for some ideas about how to break the cycle, how to get to the root cause and what to do, how to improve things for you and your son, Becky. Oh, yes, thank you for that. God, it's heartbreaking, isn't it?

We've also had this voice note from Jenny. Hi, Becky. I just listened to your post about school anxiety. My name's Jenny, and we had very similar things with my son a few years ago. I'm really sorry to hear that your son is struggling, getting into school. My son was very, very similar. His anxiety increased, increased, increased, increased. And actually, unfortunately, he got to a point where he burns out and couldn't attend school at all. it was heartbreaking, exhausting and we felt so alone.

So I just wanted to say that there are so many support groups and things out there. If you look up emotional-based school avoidance, kind of online, there's lots of different support groups, lots of different advice. Unfortunately, more and more children are finding school difficult to attend as unfortunately the school system is becoming more and more rigid and children are feeling under more and more pressure to kind of conform. and unfortunately not all children fit the school box. In terms of what we did, we actually ended up deregistering my son and subsequently my second son from school and we now home educate for time. I'm not saying that's necessarily an option for you, but a lot of people don't even know that that's the possibility.

And we absolutely, my boys are now absolutely thriving. We follow their interests. We don't have to follow this that curriculum. We spend our days going out on day trips. doing nice things together. And for me, their mental health and happiness has to come first over academic achievements. And there are so many success stories of children that don't fit the school system and go on to do the most amazing things.

So, yeah, good luck on your journey. And yeah, reach out if you need any help. I'm more than happy to support. Thanks, bye. Oh, gosh. Thank you, Jenny. So kind, aren't they? Aren't they?

And isn't it wonderful that in the community, people just hear. And like Jenny says, there maybe that might not have. homeschooling might not be an option for you, but there's something great has come from Jenny being able to do that with her boys. And I think the more people you hear who have gone through this, it must be so encouraging to know that you're not doing this on your own. And there are different ways. There are alternatives. There are alternatives. And hopefully these are really helpful to you. Next up, Dana has been in touch. Hi, Joe and Zoe. I'm in my early 50s with two teenage kids. I'm at a point where I know I need to end my marriage, but I'm so worried about the impact on the kids

and how all of us will manage with the emotional, the practical and financial consequences of separation. I've thought about this for so long and I've tried to stay in it for all of these reasons, but I'm deeply unhappy and I know there will never be a good time. I've heard about nesting where the parents move in and out of the house rather than the children. This doesn't feel like a long-term solution, but one that might actually work initially. I would love to hear more from other diggers about their experiences of this or any suggestions you have to navigate about what's to come. I'm terrified. Thanks, Dana. Or that sentence, I'm terrified. I'm so, I feel for you so badly, Dana, and I really, really hope it's not as bad. I mean, we've talked

before about this about how the anticipation is often so much worse than the practicality when something actually happens. And I hope that's the case for you. Nesting, I've not heard about this, but it sounds like a pretty good idea, actually, for stability for the children, and stay in their home and then the parents to come and go. Yeah, I've got a friend who's sort of thinking

about doing this at the moment, actually, a sort of renting another place where, you know, they can go to and then the kids stay in the home. Donna, I've been where you're at and I know exactly

those feelings and you try everything and then you just think this is not working. And then the anticipation of coming, out with it and saying to your partner, right, this is the time is so scary because it's overwhelming

on all fronts. You're worrying about the kids. You're worrying about your partner. You're worrying about you and how it will all work out. Something I can tell you from personal experience is, yes, it is a lot to go through, but you will come out the other side of it. And the fact that you know you need to do this, you will all be better in the end. And the kids will be fine. It's amazing how resilient kids can be. And I hope that you have a relationship where you can navigate this together with your partner. It's not always the case. It's not always possible. It's sometimes so painful. Sometimes it's more painful for one partner than the other. So there's a lot to navigate there. But you can be happy again. So remember that and the kids will be fine. I've not tried the nesting thing.

I tried moving a couple of doors down for a little bit when I split up with. Norm and so the kids just had some... We were lucky that my mum lived a couple of doors down and she was like, I'll go somewhere, you come in here. It was a little too close to comfort after a while and it is all quite painful. But I've not done the nesting myself, that idea. So if any of our diggers have tried this where, you know, the other partner has rented somewhere or bought somewhere or stayed somewhere else with friends, whatever way that works,

does it work that you come home a couple of nights to be with the kids? So the kids don't have to up sticks. They don't have to go to two houses. Does it work for a bit? Can you keep that going? How long does it work for? Sounds like a really good idea. Yeah.

No, it sounds like a really good idea, really. Yeah. Because you just don't want the disruption for your children. So if they can just have their same bedrooms and the familiarity, yeah. I think trying to be, you know, calm around the children, having those conversations when you tell them is really tough and it is quite heartbreaking. And both my kids reacted in very different ways. but you've just got to give them the time and you've just got to let them know

that they are loved and that you as parents will do everything you can to keep them safe and you know in time they realise as they grow older they're like oh yeah yeah that was probably a good idea

that that happened at the time it's so tricky but yeah I don't know nesting could that be a good idea yeah be lovely to hear from you please so yeah go to the show notes and share with us your wisdom or your experience

and it will hopefully help Donna but best of luck Donna and lots of love to you Yeah, Dana, and the minute you know that there is time to do it, you've just almost got to bite the bullet and just do it and be strong. And I hope you've got really good friends around you because your friends are brilliant doing this because it is so emotional and you do have to be really brave. But I imagine you are very brave, Donna, and happier times will be ahead for all of you. So good luck with it. And yeah, let's see what our diggers have for Dana.

The Bell Air Direct app includes crash assist, which detects an accident the moment it happens and even offers you emergency assistance. At the tap of a button. Okay, but what if I don't have an accident? Well, just keep on keeping on. Bell Air Direct. Insurance, simplified. Conditions apply. After all your lost toy stories, and they keep coming, and they are so moving and very funny as well.

And of course, the genius idea of sewing in an eye tag, well, Fiona's been in touch. And she says, picking up on what you could put inside a builder bear, one of my daughter's guinea pigs passed away. Oh, no. And we got it. cremated. She then saw online that other people were getting their pets ashes put inside a bear. So yes, we took the ashes and we got them put in a bear. Builder bear didn't even bat an eyelid. We've ended up with three builder bears with guinea pig ashes in from Fiona. That's so surreal.

And there are two of the bears in question with the ashes of the little oscany pigs inside. So they are with them forever. That is a lovely idea. If quite. quite mad really but brilliant do you think they smell ashes i just i don't no they don't do they no because i haven't seen the ashes of my dogs they don't smell it's just it's literally ash anyway what are you off to do now joe i am off to what am i off to i got to go to the chemist got to go and buy some birthday presents for some people loads of birthdays in mart so many birthdays all my friends seem to be yeah it's all that huts summer loving holiday holiday holiday romance Holiday romances.

No, and loads, I've just got to tidy the house. That's what I'm going to do. Oh, God. And that makes me happy. I'm off to put the bins out. I'm off to put the bins out, actually. You know, and do the big shop. Oh, gosh, it's got to be done.

Love you to Bit, Joe. Have a good week. See you Wednesday. Bye, Diggers. Digit is a Perciphonica production. The Bell Air Direct app includes crash assist, which detects an accident the moment it happens, and even offers you emergency assistance at the tap of a button.

Okay, but what if I don't have an act? Well, just keep on keeping on. Bel Air Direct, insurance, simplified. Conditions apply.