Dig It with Jo Whiley and Zoe Ball - Alex Jones on Perimenopause Rage & 'Good Cop-Bad Cop' Parenting

Episode Date: August 3, 2026

Alex Jones joins Zoe for Dig In to answer your burning questions. Including… Are you always the ‘bad cop’ parent? How do you avoid getting overwhelmed by perimenopause? And what’s your biggest household peeve?GET IN TOUCH📧 Email us: [e-mail]📱 Text or Voice Note: 07477 038795💬 Or tap here to send a voice note or message on WhatsApp:⁠ ⁠https://wa.me/447477038795SPECIAL THANKS TO OUR SPONSORSThis episode is brought to you by Panda London, Costa Coffee and L'Oréal.🐼 Panda London — Make hot nights more comfortable with Panda London’s beautifully soft, breathable and thermoregulating bamboo bedding. Head to pandalondon.com and spend over £50 to receive a free Bamboo Eye Mask with your order using code DIGIT.☕ Costa Coffee at Home — Start your morning with the same great Costa taste you know and love, now in your own mug at home. Costa's new Everyday Instant Coffee is inspired by their iconic Mocha Italia blend and comes in three varieties: Smooth, Intense and Decaf. Available in selected large format supermarkets across the UK, subject to availability.💄L'Oréal Paris True Match Hyaluron Tinted Balm - Ready for a new era of foundation? Discover your perfect shade of the New L'Oréal Paris True Match Hyaluron Tinted Balm online or at your nearest Boots or Superdrug counter.CREDITSExec Producer: Jonathan O’SullivanProducers: Harriet Thurley & Samantha PsykAssistant Producer: Eve JonesTechnical Producer: Oliver GeraghtyVideo Editors: Cameron Laird and Jack Whiteside Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Coming up on Digit. Am I in denial? Yes, slightly. Should I be on HRT? Probably, says all my friends. I kind of think that I haven't really had that many symptoms. But then when I threw a four pinter of milk across the kitchen the other day, I thought the rage has started.

I was quite boundaryless in my former years. I've tried to teach Woody. It's like, it's all right to have some boundaries, Woody. It keeps you safe because otherwise, if there aren't any, you just end up damaging. Oh, this is a minefield. I mean, are there enough weeks in the year to discuss this? This is the thing. All of that right after this. Welcome to Diggin, Diggers, and I am thrilled to welcome back. Alex Jones is with us for a special digging. Al, thank you for doing this. Oh, no, it's a pleasure.

Well, Joe's having a bit of time out. And this, basically, Alex, is where our lovely diggers get in touch with the show on stuff that we've discussed. and running themes. And first up, we have a question. And this comes from Sarah and she says, Zoe and Al, recently, I've noticed that I've become the bad cop parent. And it's getting me down. Me and my partner have two kids under 10. My husband's amazing, really outgoing and silly, which I love. But he always says yes to the kids. He said yes to a guinea pig, which I now clean out. He gets the treats and suggests the trips. But I have to deal with the tantrums after. afterwards, I always feel like I'm the one who has to ruin the fun. Yeah. I don't want to be that parent and I want to show our kids my fun side. But I feel like one of us has to say no sometimes

or else it'll be utter chaos. Has anyone else had this and what can I do to break the cycle? Thanks from Sarah. So in your setup with you and Charlie, Al, who's good cop bad cop? So I feel like it switches a bit, but I think I am bad cop. Yeah. And I completely sympathize with Sarah because it's really hard when, you know, and Charlie will sit with the kids on his lap and he'll go, oh, mommy's not fun. She wants you to go to beds. And I'm like, oh my God.

If he was up to him, honestly, the kids would be up all night. He's like, just let them fall asleep with us. And I'm like, no, that is just taking the easy option. I'm sorry, they have to have a bedtime. So I really get it where Sarah's coming from. You know, Charlie's the one that does all the kind of the mad water activities with them on holiday. You know, you'll take the boys out or they'll get up at five to go fishing. And I'll be the one who's like, hang on, it's three o'clock.

Have they eaten any lunch? Yeah. He's like, well, I don't think they're hungry. You know, it's very like that. So I get it, Sarah. Absolutely. I sometimes think, why can't I be the one who does all the fun stuff? And he's the one then that dries them all off, gets them chains, finds their clean pants when we come in from the seat.

It's always the other way around, but it's just what works for us, I guess. And maybe Sarah, you know, the kids know in the end that, you know, you're all so fun. But I think they get it that one has to be Captain Sensible. I mean, and they get so good at playing you off against each other as well. You know, my kids were quite savvy and they would suss. They'd be like, right, okay, so mum's being good cop today. So, you know, dad's being bad cop. So I'm going to ask mum if I can have this and when dad's not around, you know, and you're like,

hang on a minute. I know what you're doing here. I know what you're doing here. But you do also single parents, they've got to be good cop and bad cop. And that must be a nightmare because if you've got to be the one forcing the rules all the time and you haven't got the backup of the other, you've got to be both. And it is, it's a juggling act, isn't it? And you're making it up from day to day from hour to hour.

But Sarah, I think your kids will know that you're fun and that you're brilliant. But thank goodness you are laying the ground rules. Because the thing is, otherwise they are overtired, they're hungry. And everyone suffers if the kids are, you know, it's so boring, isn't it? But if it's not quite regimented and if there's not someone always just being the sensible one going, hang on a minute, it, they need feeding, they need sleep, they need, you know, this is what's happened here, why they having a meltdown, oh, that's because of this. If you didn't have that, it would be total chaos, Sarah.

So I reckon, or maybe you could ask your lovely husband now and again to give you a day off. Maybe, you know, you could go, this Sunday, you can be in charge, but you do have to feed them and you do have to do. And I'm going to be the fun parent. I don't know. Maybe that could work. Maybe. Yeah, it's difficult, isn't it?

Because actually, it's labels or something differently in our house. So instead of saying bad cop, good cop, Charlie often labels it like this. Well, I'm the laid back one and you're highly strung. And I'm like, wow. Thank you for that. Wow. Thank you for that. But one day on Ted's 10th birthday, we are going to have a yes day.

Ah, I like it. Which basically means that we're in for it. But we'll put rules around it. Like you can't go abroad. You can only spend this much money. But we're going to do a yes day so that the kids get to see both of us equally fun. And maybe that's the answer, Sarah. Do a little yes day.

Do a little yes day. But I like that yes day, but with some rules. Oh yeah, always rules. So there are boundaries. Excellent. Okay. And also we learn. I was quite boundaryless in my former years.

And I've tried to teach Woody now. It's like, it's all right to have some boundaries, Woody. It keeps you safe. boundaries in relationships, boundaries in your behaviour, you know, because otherwise, if there aren't any, you just end up damaging. So it's like learning those things young, I think is quite good. So hooray to the good cop, bad cop. And good luck with yesterday. I'd like to hear if there is any fallout afterwards. So is this like a theme for a birthday? It's such a good idea. Yeah. So we just watched that movie. It's called Yesday. It's a brilliant film for kids. It's got Jennifer

Ghana in it and it's about this family and she is the bad cop parent essentially and so the kids say let's have a yes day and the idea about a yes day is that the kids get to set the rules you have to do what they you know that you have to do what they want to do in terms of activities food bedtimes but you can set some boundaries as well within that okay and we just watched it and we all loved it and ted said for my 10th birthday which is next january can I please have a yes day? And I thought, do you know what? Yes, you can because it's always me, Captain Sensible and then Fun Dad over there. So I thought, yeah, this is a great way of us all being on an equal playing field for once and we'll all have fun together. So I think that's what

we're going to do and I think Sarah should try it as well. So Louise has been in touch though and she says grumpy 40 year old here wanting advice. I feel like I'm constantly getting bombarded with content about perimenopause all of the time, yes. It's pretty much all I see on social media, she says, but to be honest, I don't really want to think about it yet. I'm not experiencing any symptoms and kind of just want to live my life without being told, I must do this or that before it's too late.

Maybe I'm just in denial about what's around the corner and really should start doing something about all the things that I'm being told to do. I'm curious as to have you both handled perimenopause and whether there are any things that you wish you've done differently. Thanks so much. Love listening every week from Louisa. Oh, this is a minefield.

I mean, are there enough weeks in the year to discuss this? This is the thing. You know what it is, though? We are bombarded, aren't we? You need to take this vitamin. And if you don't take that and then you've got to take this and you need this and need that. I say to anyone who isn't in perimenopause, enjoy it. Hooray.

Yay. But it does creep up on you slowly. And I think, Louisa, an awareness of what some of the symptoms are is good to have. I had no idea what perimenopause was until it happened to me. And I was quite deep in it. And I wish I'd known a little bit more before because I was the first of my girlfriends. No one else had been through it. Because normally there's a mate who's gone through it and they'd share with you.

And my mum had a hysterectomy quite young and didn't really get many symptoms. So I couldn't really learn from her. So for me, it was a bit of a shocker. It's like, what the hell is the matter? me. But so I think a little bit of knowledge is handy, Louisa, but you are right. You do get bombarded with it all, don't you? Alex, how was, how is your, are you perimenopausal yet? I don't know. I mean, am I? I don't know. So I'm a bit like Louisa, slightly in denial. I suppose I had my youngest child at 44. And so I don't know whether my body is confused

because have I tricked it into thinking that it's younger than it is? Because I have, I kind of think that I haven't really had that many symptoms. But then when I threw a four pinter of milk across the kitchen the other day, I thought, oh my God, here we are. The rage has started. So you know what? I don't know. Some days I think, and it's like that, isn't it? It is so vague. And thankfully, and I think this is brilliant, we are talking about it more and more now. And so compared to five years ago, even, we have so much more information. It's a dialogue that you can have now, well, if you've got a good GP that's a bit switched on, you can have that dialogue. We're talking about it as friends and as colleagues. And I don't think we were at all,

maybe even five, six years ago. But am I in it? I don't know. Am I in denial? Yes, slightly. Should I be on HRT? Probably, says all my friends. But I don't want to do that because then it means for me having a coil because the coil, again, my experience was terrible. I've had quite a few friends who had a terrible experience with that, but each person is individual. So, you know, and there are other ways of having progesterone. Testosterone you might not necessarily need. Some people need a bit. Some people don't. I wouldn't be scared of it though. I think Al don't worry too much. And I think if you're not sort of experiencing anything apart from the occasional bit of rage or, you know, I think if that rage mounts up.

And it was so bad. Maybe sort of think about it. The kids are like ducking as the milk's coming flying across the kids. It's a difficult thing, isn't it? Because I want to be, you know, and I am for the most part quite a calm person. Charlie would disagree strongly with that sentence. But, you know, I do think I want to be the best mum I can for them, the best, you know, wife I can be for Charlie, the best friend, best colleague. And maybe I do need to embrace and go and see about it.

And it's just, oh, it's time, though. It's like, when do you fit that in? I know it is time. And look, and we are bombarded with it. Louisa, something I have learned, especially with my phone, is if I have a conversation with someone about something, suddenly I'm bombarded with information about that thing, which scares the hell out of me.

But I don't know how to stop that happening. So what I now do with my phone is I'll just say loads of random things at it sometimes. And so it changes my algorithm. I don't know if that works. Because if you're getting bombarded with menopause stuff, you know, just say a lot of stuff into your phone. Like, I don't know. Greek tragedies, clogs. You know, worming tablets.

I don't know anything. And then hopefully it will change your algorithm up. But yeah, don't worry too much about it. I think once it starts to kick in, if you've got enough friends around you who have wanged on about it, I mean, I remember my friend Snowy saying to me, will you shut up, wanging on about the menopause? And I felt really bad. It's like, oh, God, yeah, I will. Shut up. But my girlfriends were all much younger than me. And then once they all started to go through it, it's like, oh, actually, you know, they might want to talk about it a bit more. But you'll, you'll know, I think you get a couple more than one or two symptoms. And then you'll start thinking, yeah, maybe I should go and just. just get my levels checked. And it can come young. It can come later. Some people don't have any symptoms.

God bless them. They're so lucky. Other people, it hits you really hard and you get knocked sideways. So it's just an individual thing. But yeah, I'm sorry that you're being in undated with it, Louisa, especially when you're young.

God, shut up women. But don't shut up. It is important that we talk about it and that everybody, the younger Jen coming through, know a little bit about it. And our men know about it.

And our sons know about it. about it because they can understand this because it's such a huge chapter in a woman's life as well. And I mean, I must be in it at 49, but I think Louisa at 40, there's a good chance that you're probably not there at all yet. Even though saying that, mum went through it at 33. Imagine. Wow. That's so young. Yeah. But she had no symptoms. And of course, she had me at 24, my sister at 26. So she was done having children. So in that respect, it was fine. But yeah, 33, no symptoms. So I think everybody's really different. But the more we talk about it, the sort of the better it is. But then don't talk about it also into your phone, especially late at night.

Say words like Zoe says, like Enid Blyton, my orca. We also have a thing, Al, called the rant hotline, okay, which is where our diggers can get stuff off their chest, that, you know, things that are really winding you up. And Lucy says, Why do men undress like a dog? Not that dogs have clothes. They do when they're playing pool, you know, with the little visors. I've seen those pictures. But they take all their clothes off, pants still in shorts.

They just kick it all under the bed. Yeah. Then ask if a washer's been put on as they can't find any clean underwear. That is from Lucy. That is a good rant. I have to say the lodger is a very tidy person. And he, you know, everything gets put neatly away. I am the one who undresses like a dog

and everything is thrown everywhere and I throw things at the washing basket and they very rarely go in. So yeah I'm the dog in this situation. Is Charlie good like that? Does Charlie put a wash on? Oh, he is

do you know what he does? And this is my rant for this morning. I mean amongst another 50 I've probably had at you since we started this. But do you know what he does which really annoys me? he said, right, I'm going to put a wash on. And you can see if he is really pleased with himself.

He puts a pile outside our bedroom door, which maybe two hours later he'll carry downstairs eventually to the washer machine. Then if the washer machine is full, he'll just leave them by the washer machine, hoping that the magical fairies of washing will come and put them in. Or he'll put them in and he'll put it on and the wash will happen, but he will never empty it. Yeah. So he, as in to be fair to Charlie, good intentions, but I will go back to the washer machine, maybe eight hours later. And the washing will still be there. And then you've got to rewash the blinking stuff. Because then it stinks, because it's been sat there for too long.

It's damp. It's half a job, see. It is. You see, other strengths, though. Other strengths. Whilst we're doing this, let's talk about a couple of Charlie's strengths. Oh, so many. I mean, he's currently building a tree house for the kids.

Oh, my gosh. If somebody held a gun to my head and said, we are going to shoot you unless you build a treehouse. I said, you might as well do it now because I don't know how to build a treehouse. I cannot do it. It's not in my skill set. But somehow he's managed to do it, like without instructions. I don't know how he's done it. He's brilliant and he's kind and he's amazing and really he is laid back.

There we go. When it comes to washing, wow. Do you know what? I'm definitely coming over to yours. It sounds brilliant. Yeah, come over. I'll wait till the treehouse has done. And then...

Well, the children might be in uni by then, but it doesn't matter because it's still a nice sentiment. What's he like with the dishwasher, Al? So Charlie's dishwasher skills, I mean, he apparently is that old thing, isn't it? Of nobody stacks the dishwasher in the same way. I tend to, if I'm honest, throw them in because I'm always in a rush. And he has got a more methodical system of doing it, which to be fair, he does manage to fit more in. Brilliant. So we're all different. You see, it's the variety is the spice of life. Exactly. And that's what makes a marriage work, isn't it? Or not work.

That and wine. If you want to drop us a line with your pet peeves, have a little rant, get it off your chest like Lucy and a fella who undresses like a dog. There's so many brilliant images there. 07-4-7-038-795 is the line to run. rant too and we love hearing from your diggers. Oh Al, thank you so much for being our guest host on Digit. We've loved having you. Oh, I've loved it. Oh, it's been such fun.

I think we could have been here for another three days. I know, we really have. Please come back again because there will be so much more to discuss and send us treehouse updates and we love you. And we'll be watching on the one show this week. Oh, and send my love to Joe, please. I will do, darling. I will do. And she's sending her love to you. Alex Jones, your absolute marvel. Love you. Thanks, Diggers.

Digit is a Persephonicah production.