Dig It with Jo Whiley and Zoe Ball - Dig In: Solo Parenting, Rogue Hamsters, and a Wedding Gift Dilemma

Episode Date: September 15, 2025

Jo and Zoe tackle pets, parenting and a runaway hamster. Zoe opens up about co-parenting, while Jo shares her thoughts on weddings and when your presence really is the present.  SUBSCRIBE TO OUR FREE SUBSTACK Stay up to date with Dig It — new updates every Friday straight to your inbox. 👉 https://digitpod.substack.com/subscribe GET IN TOUCH 📧 Email us: [e-mail] 📱 Text or Voice Note: 07477 038795 💬 Or tap here to send a voice note or message on WhatsApp:⁠ ⁠https://wa.me/447477038795⁠⁠ GET EARLY AND AD-FREE EPISODES Become a member of The Potting Shed for early and ad-free episodes and bonus content 👉⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://digit.supportingcast.fm/⁠⁠ SPECIAL THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS This episode is brought to you by Ancient + Brave and Airbnb. 🌍 Airbnb — Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at https://www.airbnb.co.uk/host/https://www.airbnb.co.uk/host/  🛏 Eight Sleep — Meet the Pod 5 (and Pod Blanket): cool or warm each side, track sleep, and help reduce snoring. Up to £350 off with code DIGIT: https://eightsleep.com/digit  CREDITS Exec Producer: Jonathan O’Sullivan Assistant Producer: Eve Jones Technical Producers: Oliver Geraghty Video Editors: Connor Berry and Jack Whiteside Dig It is a Persephonica production

Coming up on Dig It's. I do half jobs. What are you saying? How dare you? Do you know how many full jobs I do? I do pick my nose. It's a terrible thing. I don't even know I'm doing it.

It's because I have the bull nose, which is quite huge. And it was like the most grotesque creature that you've ever seen. It was almost the size of a badger or a rat. It was massive. All of that right after this. Hey, Joe. Hi, good morning. Whose idea was it to your podcast first thing on a Monday morning?

I think it was me, wasn't it? who said, right, let's just do it first thing, get it out of the way. Every Monday, I'm like trying to pin my eyes open. Oh, yes. Chaos. Anyway, should we dig in? We've got loads of questions from our lovely listeners. We're kicking off with a voice note from Pam.

Hello, it's Pam here from Tumbridge Wells. I'm getting to that point now where I've got to get the kids a pet. They're 14 and 11. One's at secondary school. My son's just started this week. and I'm being pressured to get a pet. What is the best starter pet to get? Because I feel like you girls know, Zoe sounds like she's got a few, had a few.

And Joe sounds like she's got a farm. So I feel like if anyone's going to know, it's going to be you girls. Thank you guys. Love the podcast. Thanks, Pam. Can we not take that sentence out of context, please? Zoe's had a few. I love that.

Joe's got a farm. It's, yeah, what? I mean, to be honestly, I am the demented cat lady. I've always been about the cats because I quite like them because they're quite independent. They do their own thing. They're quite cuddly. They're very cute when they're kittens when they turn up. They're very loving, although they can be quite moody.

And they don't need walking every day. Which, of course, when you've got kids, like initially, they're always, yeah, yeah, I'll walk the dog. I'll clean the rabbit out. I'll, you know, I'll cuddle the lizard, whatever you do with lizards. And then they lose interest and you end up doing it. But I don't know, your experience might be different, Joe. Oh, God. I mean, I would say fish, get fish.

That would be my honest recommendation. Because they don't die quite so easily. Everything else dies pretty quickly. So, I mean, we've done, I don't live on a farm, but we have had everything, I think. We've had a gecko, Gordon the gecko. That was Cass's. We've had umpteen hamsters. India just went through so many hamsters because they don't live very long.

They don't live very long. and they escape. They escape. Oh my God. The worst one was a hamster. I think he was called Hammy. And he just disappeared. And I,

because my sister, Francis, she likes to unleash the beast, whatever pet the kids ever had. Auntie would come around. And after she left, she would have opened up the cage door and the animal would have escaped.

So we had this one hamster. And it disappeared. And everyone's like, oh God, aunties, let the hamster out again, which she did. And we never found it.

Like literally years. Didn't find it. Not years. months, didn't find it. And then one day we were in the kitchen and we were playing a game of Cludo. And we looked up and there was this like liquid coming from the corner of the ceiling. We were like, what on earth's that what's going on? And we looked and there was a little hole. And what happened was that the hamster had disappeared, had existed in the floorboards, had lived its best life in the floorboards and had literally gnawed its way down and made a hole in the ceiling. And it was weeing and it was this hamster's wee. And we got up there. We managed to get in and we found this hamster.

And it had been living on all the fibers and all the rubbish that you find up there. And it was like the most grotesque creature that you've ever seen. It was almost the size of a badger or a rat. It was massive. The size of a badger. Maybe not a badger, but it was big and it was grotesque and it was bloated. And it had been living up there and it died. And we ended up, I remember, we didn't know what to do with this.

We gave it a burial in the garden. When I say burial, we threw it over the hedge. So, yeah. don't get hamsters. That is the most incredible story that I think we've had from you, Joe, on this podcast. I love it. We threw it over the hedge. No, but only, I mean, it was dead and it was, you know, you give it back to the earth, don't you?

You give it back to the wildlife. We have buried other hamsters in the past. Don't get stick insects. Woody got stick insects. And we think we might have given them the wrong hedge to eat. And they all ate each other, I think. Oh, my God. You really need to do your research because a lot of creatures, I think some fish eat other fish.

You know, in the circle of life. We used to have a ruby shark. Yeah, we had a fish tank and we had a ruby shark and it just devoured everything in there. It was just like, I mean, surely the clue is in the title. It's a shark. No, we were definitely told it would exist with a ruby shark. Beautiful, tiny, tiny fish. But yeah, no, it ate everything.

It's got the others. Yeah. We had giant snails as well. Did you ever do that? Oh, no. No, no, we didn't have those. Weird creatures. So he had the gecko, but yeah, giant African snails.

And they were actually good. They lived for a really long time and they are massive. So they're very impressive. And you obviously don't have to do too much to them. Are your kids good at looking after the pets? Will they clean out the cages and are they pretty good like that, your kids? Um, no, definitely not. No, I mean, is anybody ever?

No, definitely not. No kids ever are. It was always my job. Always, always. So yeah, I think you have to take it on yourself, don't you? So, Pam, it will be yours. I think maybe a cat is a good idea. I'm a dog person myself.

I really, really, really love dogs more than anything. But they are hard work and they need walking. I'm any walking. But Pam, if you're looking for some fitness and you're wanting to get your face outside and you think the kids will go on and walk with you now and again, dogs are, they are wonderful, aren't they? They're such great company.

But if you're looking for something that's slightly more independent, a cat, I would say, is easier. Yeah. I think we've given Pam so many options. From geckos to giant African snails to cats to dogs to hamsters, maybe swerve hamsters because they always escape. Pam, let us know the decision you make. Let's get another voice note. And this one, it's Lucy.

Hi, Zoe and Joe. This is Lucy from Hastings. I was struck Zoe by a post you did recently or maybe it was a story about celebrating and praising Woody's dad for being a good co-parent. I thought it was such an unusual and positive comment to make publicly. I work with parents who struggle to do just that. And for me, it was really like, wow, this needs to be out there. We need more people who are doing this right to talk about it. Because honestly, a lot of people really struggle.

And that sadly means a lot of children are struggling in the middle of it. I just wondered, Zoe, perhaps you could share a bit about some of the co-parent up and downs. I've done it myself. It's a long road, a long and winding road. But, you know, it takes a lot of effort and clearly you put a lot of that in, how to do it well. I think it's really important. Lots of love, Lucy. Oh, thanks Lucy. Sounds like you do quite amazing work. Do you know what? It's so tricky for people, isn't it? You know, breaking up and a lot of relationships break down for reasons, you know, and people don't get on. And it's, and it's so tricky for people. There can be a lot of vitriol and there can be sadness and people can move on with someone else and one person's left behind.

So I really do appreciate how difficult it is. My parents split up. It kind of really broke my heart to get divorced because I felt like, the thing I did not want for my kids is what happened to me. And so when Norm and I split up, you know, we were still friends and it took time. But one of our things was right, we've got to do right by the kids. And we've got to make us work for them. It doesn't matter what us two are going through, it's got to be good for those kids.

And we're very blessed that we had a relationship where we could do that. And I have friends who have gone through horrendous divorces and have terrible relationships with their exes. And it is heartbreaking because having been a kid who'd lived through that, I know how much that affects children. You know, and you see it all the time, parents fighting and parents. using the kids between relationships. It's so difficult. But unfortunately, I don't think some people get a much choice in that matter.

You know, I know a lot of people who have tried to go to... What is it when you go and... Mediation? Mediation. I know a lot of people have tried mediation. Yeah, yeah. And if both partners are not willing, it's just not going to happen.

And if one partner is holding a real grudge or, you know, if there's real pain between a couple, it's just not going to work. And then it goes to court. It seems to take so long. And it's so damaging for the kids. So I'm very grateful to have an ex who is wonderful. And he's a great dad.

And we've made it work. And we do things together with the kids' birthdays. We always do things at school. And we'll spend time together. It's a bit trial and error, I think. Yeah. But if you can make that work. And the downsides of that is, you know,

both my kids having two homes and having to move stuff from one place to the other. It's complicated. It's difficult. And that's still the case for now. She's like, oh, God, I've got to go. That's at dads. And we're lucky. We're quite near each other.

I mean, we literally were doors away from each other. I moved down the same road when we initially broke up and that was a little, we were a little bit too close. And then I moved to the countryside. But I've come back and I'm near norm and it's easier for my goal. Yeah. But you consciously did that, didn't you? you because you wanted to make things easier for now. Yeah. We just really wanted to make it. And it's so heartbreaking having that conversation

with your kids. But I've always made a point of, we'll talk about these things. I really want you to be able to talk to me about this and understand. And of course, they don't always understand when they're young. Sometimes you can't even explain it yourself. It's really hard telling kids, but why? Why don't you live together and why can't you make it work? And these conversations are so difficult to have. And as the kids get older, I think they look at you and go, oh, yeah, oh, yeah. They understand when they have their own relationship, surely. Yeah. It's only then that they can begin to understand the complexities and the difficulties.

It was only when I became an adult that I looked at my parents and thought, yeah, God, that was hard for you guys. They were young, you know. My mum had me when she was 21. Yeah. So. Yeah. So it's, I really appreciate that it's very difficult. And I've seen really close loved ones go through such a terrible time for such a prolonged period of time.

And it can make me so cross. when you see a partner being so vitriolic, it's like, come on, you're not thinking about the children here. Yeah, that's the thing you have to do. I mean, yeah, you have to put the kids before yourself, don't you? You have to be utterly selfless, utterly selfless. And I guess when you're in a world of pain, it's the hardest thing in the world to do. But, you know, essentially you have to be a grown up. You have to properly grow up and put your children in front of yourself and put your pain and your anger aside.

It's so tricky because it's not that straightforward for so many families. I think if you can to just to be kind, to be patient and to communicate well and just to try and put the kids first, I think that's the most important thing putting the kids first. Thanks for sharing, being so honest. This episode is brought to you by Airbnb. Joe, what are your holiday non-negotiables? Okay, not that I'm fussy, but it has to be a nice bed, a big TV and a comfy sofa to watch it from. An Airbnb would be ideal. I stayed in an Airbnb once in Colorado.

It was a tree house. An actual house spilt in a tree. Honestly, it was like being in a film. I was so grateful to my host for such an amazing, scenic experience, as well as a seriously comfy, lovely home. Oh my God, you would make a great Airbnb host. Everybody says that you're incredibly thoughtful and generous. I've actually got a friend who hosts her place while she's away.

Just every now and then, when it suits her, and she really loves the flexibility. I've never thought about hosting before. I guess you can start small and see how it feels. It doesn't have to be a big thing. And it might help top up the holiday fund for your own treehouse getaway. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com.com. This episode of Digit is sponsored by eight sleep. Lately, I've really come to appreciate the wonder of a good night's sleep.

God, I wish I was like you. I am such an incredibly light sleeper. One dog barking and I'm wide awake for the rest of the night. Honestly, I'll do anything for an extra hour of good sleep. And that's exactly what I got. with Eight Sleep's new Pod 5. So this is the clever mattress cover that keeps your bed at the perfect temperature all night. Yeah, it cools you down if you're too hot,

warms you up if you're too cold, it learns how you sleep. And it even tracks your heart rate and breathing. No wristbands, no watches, just smart, comfy tech. Eight Sleep is designed to help you fall asleep quicker, stay asleep longer and wake up refreshed. Which means I can finally get back into the garden, getting things done, full of energy.

And if you share a bed with someone who runs, hotter or colder, it adjusts each side independently. Amazing. Head to 8Sleep.com slash digit. Use code digit and get up to 350 pounds of the Pod 5 Ultra. That's code digit for up to 350 pounds off the Pod 5 Ultra. If you're tired of being tired, sleep better with 8Sleep. Thanks for all your comments on Mum Gilt. Jules has been in touch. Hi, Joe and Zoe. I just wanted to say thank you so much for an incredible podcast.

I recently became a solo mum by choice with a donor and have an incredible little two-year-old, but I've been feeling so bad about parenting and working. So your message about mum girl resonated with me so hard. I co-founded and I run a festival called Camp Wildfire and I've been on site constantly for four weeks now and relying on incredible women to help me look after him. and I work so hard and so late sometimes and such strange hours that I always worry about how it's impacting him and me. And so I really, really appreciate your podcast and your episode. As always, you two are such a great combo and it's just so encouraging for women that are trying to create careers, especially in the entertainment industry. As you know, it's incredibly

challenging and such strange hours. So thank you so much for your podcast. And I'm really excited to keep listening. Thank you. What a gorgeous girl. So nice. I remember, I can't remember whether I've shared this before at the rest of this, but Tina Dehili, you know Tina. Yeah. And I saw her at a festival a few years ago and she was in a really sad, bad place and she was saying, I'm here this weekend and I'm just, I feel terrible. I've left the children behind. And I'm just, I can't concentrate on my work and I feel really sad about it. And her children were really young at the time. And I just said, they won't remember. When they're two, three, four, they just don't remember you not being there, to be honest with you.

weekend. So don't beat yourself up about it. And I know this from experience, you know, all my four have put up with me being away at festivals for weekends. And there is that age when they just, they don't have any idea. And then I started to incorporate, you know, paying friends to come along to the festivals and hang out with them. And that's how we made it work when I just had a really, really busy schedule. It was just like, okay, they won't remember when they're really, really young. And then I'm just going to try and have them around me as much as I possibly can. So they would dip in and out. I'd be doing Glastonbury and they'd be there in the background playing while I was doing Link. And it was that whole thing that we just keep saying that you just make it work in whatever way you can with the friends and the family that you have around you. You do what you can, but don't beat yourself up because when they're really tiny, they just don't remember it. Simpler. Yeah, they don't remember it. They really don't. And well done. You know, going out on your own and having a baby, it's so hard for so many people when they don't meet a partner or they have complicated relationships.

And I'm always, it's like, yes, go. do you know a lot of younger friends come and sort of say oh what should I do and I know this more and more women freezing eggs now so that they have you know options moving forward and another thing on that sort of subject I always say to younger girlfriends get yourself checked out check everything's in working condition and that you're healthy because if there's anything but you might need to do to look after yourself to make sure you can have kids or to give yourself options further down the line because I have had friends who haven't had that chance or when they've come to realize that they're going to have to do it on their own,

the options as you get older might become less and less. So, you know, because you've got to have healthy eggs and da-da-da-da-da. So, well done. You do it on your own. Thank you for getting in touch. Thank you for sharing. We really love it when you do share with us, by the way. On our Manjaro chat last week, C-B's been in touch.

My husband and I are on the jabs. I'm on Manjaro. I'm paying for mine privately. But what I'm saving on not buying rubbish food and take away more than pays for it, even with the price increase. My husband is on a Zen pic. We've lost 10 stone between us, five stone each, since March. My goodness, life changing.

The appetite suppression is massive. The lack of food noise is amazing. It's meant I can just get on with my life and not be obsessing about food all day. I've gone from a size 24 to a size 14. That is incredible. Well done, CB. Being able to walk into a shop and try on anything I like is massive. motivating. I will be

forever grateful. I've chosen to hide it from anyone other than my immediate family though and that's due to pure nastiness from people who are anti-jabs. It's wild out there. Yeah, CB you can see that kind of some people are quite polarised on

such a thing but it is a personal journey and that's incredible so well done to both of you and I'm really glad that's working out for you. If it enhances your life life changing and I think they've just said that they're going to be doing a pill form. I think I heard it on the news today. They're going to do a pill form for people who aren't good with injections. So again, it's that thing. If this works for you, yeah, and you just

tell the people you need to tell. It's often with stuff like that in life, isn't it? Some people's reaction to stuff can be so well. And then you think, I don't actually need to be worrying about your opinion about that. I just need to keep to your close buddies. But yeah, fantastic work, CB. and love to you and your husband. And thanks for sharing. Okay, next up, I've had to put the glasses on because we have a question which I need to read. One of my friends is getting married in Spain later this year. Between the Hendo, the flights, the outfits, the hotel, their taxes to the airports, I've already spent hundreds of pounds.

Honestly, I don't think my own sister's wedding cost me this much. Here's my dilemma. Am I really expected to also buy a wedding present on top of all this? Part of me feels like my presence is the present. But then I worry it looks a bit tight if I just turn up empty. handed. Do people really give cash in these situations too? I'd love to know your thoughts on how I should go about this. Yeah, weddings have become a really weird beast, haven't they? Like, oh, it was never like this. I got married like 500 years ago and we literally, we paid for the

wedding. I mean, it was really hard for my mum and dad to pay for the wedding. And then people came to the wedding and they had a nice time and we went on honeymoon and that was it. And I don't even think I had a hendoo. I didn't want a hendoo. That was it, because I didn't want the attention. attention and the fuss. But then my friends, I've got three friends and they blindsided me. They just turned up at my house with some bottles of champagne, some fizz. And they were like, we are going to do this. We're going to have a hen thing. So we did it at my house. And it was lovely. It was just so small and it was so intimate. And it was stress-free. And that was, because weddings get really stressful, don't they? I mean, it's just crazy. You're right, because you've got

to get a frock. And I know people are like, well, I can't wear that to that because I wore this to this wedding. To be honestly, I'm at the age where there's not a lot of weddings anymore. most of my friends are divorced or there's been a couple of second weddings, but I think second time around a lot of people don't go so big and they just do it for them and for the kids. So I don't get to go to loads of weddings anymore. But I think the other thing is when I sort of think back to wedding presents and wedding presents that have given to people, I think rather than spending loads of money,

because most people have everything they need, you know. We have it back in the day, you know, you got a tease made in a toaster or... Yeah, John Lewis's Wedding List, wasn't it? Yeah, John Lewis Wedding List. Whereas now I kind of think, make people a wedding mix for their honey. That's something we used to do, which used to make a honeymoonies mix to give people like some lovely songs to take on their honeymoon. My brother and I once made our friends Kaza and Nick a video. Nick is a video director.

He directs adverts and stuff. And Kaza was really creative. We thought we need to create something for them because they always make sort of magic stuff for everyone else. And we had puppets made of them. And we made a video of their. of we did a video to the turtles, I can't see me love, nobody but you for all my life.

And it was one of the best things I've ever made in my life. And then at the end we gave them the puppets and they were in like glitterball helmets because the two of them like always would turn up a glastomere and stuff in amazing outfits. So I think maybe make something. Yeah, something personal that shows that you care. And I think if you'll pay all that money

to go to wherever you're going and your outfit and your taxes and everything, do they need a present? as well. India has always said that she just wants to get married in our garden. We're really lucky that we've got a big garden and then goes down into a field. So there's a lot of area and lot of space. And in fact, Ria and Johnny who got married, Ria used to look after our kids. She was our nanny. And she got married in our garden. We live in the grounds of a school. And they very kindly just said in the school holidays, they were like, yeah, yeah, you can use wherever

you like. And the whole thing, we got had a beautiful marquee in the garden. And it was just, it was like a mini festival because that's so everybody that I know roles. Weir did it and then India said exactly the same thing. We'll just do it in the garden and we'll get loads of tents and everyone all can go over. Because they want to spend the money on a house and raising children and save that money rather than spend it on a wedding, which is one day, yes, do a big celebration, but do it as DIY as you possibly can. And we're lucky, I know that we're lucky to have that space, but you kind of do it in whatever way you possibly can. Yeah. And it is, yeah, and you're so right, you know, kids really struggling to get on the property ladder and lots of kids living at home with parents and stuff like that.

It's a huge pressure, isn't it, at the cost of a wedding. I got all that going on. Do you know what, Joe, though, if the work ever dries up, there you go, you've got a wedding venue. Yeah, could do that. I can DJ. I inevitably, I do DJ everyone's weddings. Yeah, me and disco on the wheels of steel. Fantastic.

I'm doing it this weekend. We're doing it this weekend. That's a miniscule of sound. You do it this weekend? Yeah, no, Georgia, I really, really like, she's like my second daughter. Second, no, actually, I've got two daughters. She's like my third daughter. Oops.

That is an absolute classic mum. She is India's best friend, and I've known her since she was like four years old. So she's getting married this weekend, and Steve and I are going to be DJing. And I know I'm just going to be very emotional all day long because I just care about her so much. And it's really exciting to get married to Duffie or Kean. So we have that to look forward to this weekend. Sorry, did you just say Disco Steve is DJing? Is this a thing he does?

It's all he wants to do. The tragedy that I go out and I DJ, that I do my 90s anthems, when it's all he wants to do is to be a DJ. I mean, if he could put a blonde wig on and he could go out and do my shows for me, he absolutely would. So if anyone we know is getting married, Steve's just like, we'll do it, we'll DJ by which he means I will DJ. And so he'll be DJ.

I love it. Joe and Disco Steve back to back. And this is a night in a bea waiting to happen. Except I think we've talked before about the ADHD tendencies that he has. So he will let a record play for about 45 seconds and then he's bored of it. And then he goes crashing into another song, Whereas me, like the professional DJ is just going, no, you've missed the mix point. What are you doing? It's quite tense when we DJed together. People always say to me, why don't you do those things, so where everyone goes out and DJs. And I'm like, A, I find it terrifying. And B, I have ADHD. So I am exactly like Steve. It comes on. I get to the bit, I think, oh, I don't want to play this anymore. I'm going to play this. And I am so harsh around the house. If anything is playing that I don't like, it has to come off immediately. It doesn't matter what anyone else is thinking. I'm like, no, turn it off now. Don't like it. Oh, no.

it's wrong vibe, wrong vibe, which drives everyone else mad. So that's what I'd be like DJing. I can't be allowed behind the decks because it would be like, scratch, off, that's off. Oh, we're in something else. In fact, I saw Woody, because Wu has ADHD. And I saw Woody at Glastonbury. And he did so many different gigs. And there was one gig where he was taking things off quite quickly.

And I was like, there's the ADHD. Yeah. He is really good DJ, though. He is not like me. He's brilliant. No, no, he is. He is, but I can testify to them. that. But now I'm the same with Steve. When we have our parties and he's DJing and I just, I hear what he's doing. And I'm literally like an exocet missile across the kitchen. Don't do that. Let me do it. So, yeah, it's very, very funny. But now, but I didn't use to associate it with any kind of ADHD tendencies. And it's very obvious that he does have that now. Yeah. Having lived with him all this time and everyone talking about it. I'm like, oh, God, this explains so much of his behavior throughout our entire life. So now I'm like, okay, now I understand why he does it. And it's actually.

it's been quite useful. So I don't get quite sick cross anymore. We work together. I think that's a good point to leave it, actually. Me too. I'll see you on Wednesday. See the gang on Wednesday, everyone. Yeah, see you on Wednesday.

All right. Bye. Digit is a Persefonica production.