Digital Social Hour - Dating App Secrets: What 99% of Entrepreneurs Get Wrong | Blaine Anderson DSH #1004

Episode Date: December 22, 2024

Discover the dating app secrets that most entrepreneurs are missing! 🎯 Dating coach Blaine Anderson shares game-changing insights on navigating modern relationships, from dating apps to real-world connections. Want to know why your dating strategy isn't working? Learn why most dating apps might be holding you back, and discover powerful alternatives for meeting potential partners. Blaine breaks down the truth about Tinder, Bumble, Raya, and reveals which platforms actually lead to meaningful relationships. Get expert tips on: • Building authentic connections in the digital age • Why confidence matters more than pickup lines • Smart strategies for meeting people at the gym • The real reason dating apps might be failing you • How to stand out in today's competitive dating scene As a successful dating coach who's helped over 5,000 men transform their dating lives, Blaine shares the unfiltered truth about what works and what doesn't in modern dating. Whether you're recently single or looking to upgrade your dating game, this episode is packed with actionable advice you won't find anywhere else. Ready to revolutionize your dating life? Watch now to learn the strategies that successful couples already know - and find out exactly what most people get wrong about dating in today's world. #moderndating #datingadvice #communicationskills #howtoflirt #selfdevelopment #hinge #datingprofileexamples #datingappdosanddonts #datingprofilebiotips #entrepreneurdatingmistakes CHAPTERS: 00:00 - Intro 00:35 - Dating Today Issues 01:18 - Learning Flirting Skills 02:37 - Guys' Intimidation in Dating 03:19 - Online Dating Insights 08:05 - Importance of Location in Dating 11:45 - Breakup Trends Over Time 13:07 - Effort in Dating Apps 14:55 - Best Places to Meet People 15:58 - Effective Wingman Strategies 17:02 - Sliding Into DMs Effectiveness 18:58 - Shark Tank Discussion 20:57 - Breakup Initiators 22:45 - When to Become Exclusive 23:48 - First Date Sex Considerations 25:10 - Dating After Divorce Tips 26:34 - Marriages from Coaching Success 27:40 - Building Confidence in Dating 28:48 - Finding Blaine's Coaching APPLY TO BE ON THE PODCAST: https://www.digitalsocialhour.com/application BUSINESS INQUIRIES/SPONSORS: [e-mail] GUEST: Blaine Anderson https://www.instagram.com/datingbyblaine https://clients.datingbyblaine.com/hi LISTEN ON: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/digital-social-hour/id1676846015 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5Jn7LXarRlI8Hc0GtTn759 Sean Kelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seanmikekelly/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As a Fizz member, you can look forward to free data, big savings on plans, and having your unused data roll over to the following month, every month. At Fizz, you always get more for your money. Terms and conditions for our different programs and policies apply. Details at fizz.ca. Hamburglar, why are you calling? Rubble, rubble. McDonald's has a new biggest burger called Big Arch,

made with two 100% Canadian beef patties, a new delicious sauce, and all the McDonald's flavors you love and... Wait, you want me to help you get it? Rubble! Come on. Compared to beef burgers on McDonald's current menu at participating restaurants in Canada. And you don't want to get the rap of like, this guy's at the gym just asking girls out left and right. That's a bad look. Every gym has that guy. Yeah, you don't want to get the rap of like this guy's at the gym just asking girls out

left and right. That's a bad look. Every gym has that guy. Yeah, you don't want to be that guy. So you really want to make sure because if you're speaking to her over multiple interactions, you might realize, hey, I don't want to ask her out. We don't have that much in common. She's not that smart.

You know, like whatever it is, and then you can nix it. And then maybe you ask somebody else out at a later time. You don't like blow your one chance at the gym Alright guys got Blaine Anderson here today dating expert. Thanks for coming on. Yeah. Thanks for having me Yeah, dating markets pretty interesting right now, right? Yeah, it is. There's a lot of a lot of complaints. I see Yeah, I'm curious. You know if you go 50 years, if people complained about dating as much. I feel like probably not. I don't think so.

Yeah, but everyone is having trouble now, and everyone thinks their city's the worst for dating. Right. What other troubles you're seeing? A lot of different things, but trouble navigating social media and apps, which is very understandable. Trouble creating connection and flirting, that's a big one I see from men.

Finding somebody that they feel is on their level or that they connect with, I hear that all the time. And yeah, there's a lot of things that contribute to that, but those are some of the problems I see frequently. Yeah, do you think flirting can be acquired like if you suck at it? Absolutely, it is absolutely a learnable skill. Some people are naturally better at it than others,

and some people learned it or practiced it more growing up because of their environment. They had a brother or dad who was really good at it, but it's absolutely a learnable skill and something you can get better at. OK. Yeah, some people are really bad, right? Yeah.

I just see girls, like, screenshotting the messages and putting them on blast. And there's different styles of flirting, too. Some people are really bad, right? Yeah. Yeah. I just see girls screenshotting the messages and putting them on blast. And there's different styles of flirting, too. This one style isn't going to work for every guy. You have to kind of figure out what works for you based on what you're comfortable with, your personality, your strengths.

So it's not one size fits all. Right. There's no one pick-up line that can work 100% of the time. No. And that's like, so sometimes people want that. They want the secret code. What's the cheat code. And that's like, so you know, sometimes people want that. They want like, the secret code. What's the cheat code? And that's just not how dating works.

Right. Yeah, because every girl's different, right? Some girls might not like that line. So you've got to be adaptable. And the most important thing when you're saying something or using a line is that it's authentic to you. If it doesn't sound like something that is authentic

or you sound like you're reciting a rehearsed line, that's going to be the biggest turn off of all. So you're reciting a rehearsed line, that's gonna be the biggest turnoff of all. So you're way better off skipping a line, being your authentic self, being confident, than trying to have the perfect, funny, witty, charismatic thing to say every time. That's not realistic. Yeah, how intimidated are guys to date you

since you're a dating coach? Well, I'm married. But before that. Yeah, well, I've actually, so I've been a dating coach full time since 2020. When I met my husband, I worked in a different industry. Oh, got it. Yeah, he didn't have that aspect to be intimidated by.

That's funny. What does he think of what you're doing? He loves it. He loves it? Yeah. He probably had friends struggling with it. So. Yeah, and I mean, I talk to him often all the time,

or I talk to him often all the time, or I talk to him all the time about it, and a lot of the things that my clients and the guys I work with are struggling with are things he struggled with in his 20s and when he was younger. Yeah, I used to be terrible at it. I think it's like a confidence thing too,

because I didn't. Oh, absolutely. I didn't have the best confidence, so translating that into dating, obviously, you're gonna get in your own head. Are you dating now, or are you taking there? Yeah, fiance, we're getting married next year. Congrats. But prior to that, had no game, no confidence.

Where did you meet her? We met on a dating app, so I wanna get your opinion on this, because I've actually seen you talk about Tinder, but yeah, we met on Tinder. Oh wow. Which is pretty rare, I feel like. Yeah, it is, I mean, not rare to meet online,

but Tinder I would say is one of the lower intent dating apps. It doesn't mean it's impossible, but there are more people looking for hookups and you could use an app with what I call higher intent, like maybe Bumble or Hinge, where it's more relationship focused. That being said, there's millions of users

on all of the apps. You can find someone who's looking for what you're looking for on any of them. Yeah, and I was on that app before the bots started coming in. So now there's these OF bots, these AI bots. And I heard there's a lot of them. Yeah. Anywhere online or social media, now you have that risk.

I've seen bots made of me that are using my voice and stuff, which is really scary. Yeah. That's creepy. So they have your voice? Yeah, because I have so many reels out there and so much video online. It still sounds fairly robotic, but I've

had people send it to me that someone has DMed them and it's like a robot version of me sending a voice note being like, this is Blaine, dating coach. If you send me money, I will give you advice. I'm like, no, don't do that. That's not me. No way. I will never send you a DM and a voice note.

I mean, eventually they'll be so good where it will be one-on-one. It's really scary, yeah. And like have video too. People have done that with my pod. They've had my guests say all this crazy stuff for their product. And they do this with Rogan Show too. And then they run ads on it.

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Hamburglar, why are you calling? Rubble, rubble. McDonald's has a new biggest burger called Big Arch, made with two 100% Canadian beef patties, a new delicious sauce, and all the McDonald's flavors you love, and wait, you want me to help you get it? Rubble. Come on. Compared to beef burgers on McDonald's current menu at participating restaurants in Canada. On these fake AI videos. That's so scary. It is really scary. Yeah. So those apps Bumble, what about Raya? So right I don't have a problem with Raya.

I would say from my experience using Raya and even when I see my clients and my friends on Raya, because it is global, you're oftentimes seeing people all over, not just in your location, which inherently makes it harder to meet up. And then oftentimes the type of people who are on Raya aren't necessarily, you know, it's more exclusive. There's a lot of like celebrities,

there's a lot of Instagram influencers there. They don't necessarily need dating apps to date. They're meeting a lot of people without that. They have a lot of people approaching them, asking them out in other places. So they don't necessarily use it as a way to actually go on dates. So even though you might match with people on Raya,

the conversion to actually being on a date is much lower than other dating apps in my experience. I could see that. I see it more of like a networking thing, to be honest. And people use it for that. And it's like kind of like seeing who else is there. Right, and now these apps have like a friend option, right? Yeah, Raya does.

Oh, they do? Yeah, here just for friends. Okay, I'm gonna have to talk to my fiance, because I'm always down to network. Yeah. She never liked those apps. Yeah. Because Tinder has it too, and Bumble.

Oh, really? Yeah, but it's like, I don't know. BumbleBFF, that's like one to make friends. Oh, yeah, Bumble. Yeah, Bumble's, is it still where the girl asked a message first, or did they change it? No, now they have changed it a little bit. That's actually a recent update where the girl can put

a prompt or a question on her profile, so then the guy can message her first. So, I mean, and that's not surprising, you know, when you think about, women want to be approached. If you think about it like evolutionarily, like it is usually the man who is the one physically approaching and doing the initial legwork to get the attention from the woman.

So it's not surprising that like, oh, this app that like made the women do the first move realized like, women don't actually want to make the first move and then made this update to put the onus back on the guy. Yeah. So do you coach mainly men or women? Yeah. My business is primarily men.

I have worked with women in the past. And like a lot of the advice is the same. but even from a business standpoint when I got started I knew it was important to pick Elaine and pick a segment and I chose men. Right I mean men probably would rather listen to you than another man about dating. You'd be surprised I get a lot of you know like why would you ask a fish how to fish type comments and like girls don't actually know what they want like some men would definitely rather listen to a woman. And like my clients, the men I work with,

want to hear from a woman. But there's also a lot of guys out there who, for whatever reason, aren't comfortable learning from a woman, don't believe women. But those, I'm not trying to convince those people that I'm right, you know? That's more of an ego thing, I think. Yeah.

How has the red pill movement treated you? Probably terribly, right? I don't pay a more of an ego thing, I think. Yeah. How has the red pill movement treated you? Probably terribly, right? I don't pay a lot of attention to it, frankly. It's just like not my sphere. We have differing approaches to dating and what we think makes sense for men and women. Right. But I wouldn't say I'm like overly bullied online

that I know of, maybe I just don't know. Yeah. How much emphasis do you put on the location? Like where you meet the woman? So that's very important. Where you are spending time and trying to meet a woman or women generally can be, can determine whether you are successful dating or not.

If you're trying to meet women in the wrong places, you're not gonna get women on dates with you. So you, and where is a good place to meet women is very dependent on the person. Like, you know, whether or not a bar or a club is a good place for you personally, I mean, a woman depends a lot on your personality and what your strengths are. And quite frankly, bars and clubs, in my opinion, aren't great places to meet women if you're looking for a

girlfriend. Agreed, because it's loud. You have nothing in common except that you're both at that bar. Alcohol is involved, which makes people act differently, be more inclined to be rude oftentimes. And if you especially, a lot of the clients I work with would identify as shy or introverted or at least

in certain settings. So to stand out at a bar where it's loud, like you said, where there's a lot of other competition and people is really tough. Yeah. What about a gym? So I met my husband at the gym. Oh, yeah? Yeah, yeah.

So it's definitely possible. And people, there's definitely people in both camps. I hear people say like, no, it's like a safe space. You can't meet people there. But I actually don't think that's true if you handle it correctly. So the key thing is knowing what to do. The gym absolutely is a safe space for a lot of people so you need to be able to read

the room a little bit. It's what I call a high stigma environment which means you need to put in more upfront work before you ask her out. You're not just gonna approach a woman and ask her out immediately, you need to qualify her first. You need to understand like is it believable that she's single? Is she showing interest back in me? That's a very important one. If she, like, has one headphone out and is, like, trying to get back to her workout, that's not a good signal that you should ask her out.

Right. But if she's asking you questions back, if she, three point shot, underdog win, buzzer beater, shootout, walk off, and absolutely every play in between is amazing. From football to basketball and hockey to baseball, whatever the moment, it's never ordinary at Bet365. Must be 19 or older, Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you or someone you know has concerns about gambling, visit connectsontario.ca. If she's holding eye contact, then that could mean green light. But before I would ask her out, I would say you should actually get to know her over multiple

interactions in the gym. For example, when I met my husband, he introduced himself the first time, but he didn't ask me out that time. But because he'd introduced himself, we had a short conversation. Then when we'd see each other at the gym moving forward, we would talk again. So we were able to get to know each other lightly over multiple interactions before he asked me out.

Smart, he's playing the long game. Yeah, and that's really what you have to do at the gym. And you don't want to get the rap of like, this guy's at the gym just asking girls out left and right. That's a bad look. Every gym has that guy. Yeah, you don't want to be that guy. So you really want to make sure,

cause if you're speaking to her over multiple interactions, you might realize, hey, I don't want to ask her out. We don't have that much in common. She's not that smart. Good point, yeah. Whatever it is, and then you can nix it, and then maybe you ask somebody else out at a later time. You don't like blow your one chance at the gym.

Absolutely. Yeah, I like to people watch. So I noticed at my gym at Lifetime, like girls seem pretty closed off. Because first of all, they're super outnumbered. Second of all, weird guys are looking at them. Yeah. Yeah, it's just a tough setting, but it worked for you.

Yeah, I think so we were at a workout class. We were at a Barry's boot camp class. And classes facilitate it better. Because before class, after class, there's times that make sense to have a conversation. You're standing around, you're waiting for something. You can talk about the class. Have you done this class before?

Do you like this instructor? What did you think of class? There's built-in conversation topics where if you're just cold approaching a random girl at the gym, it's a little tougher. And if you can't do it while she's working out, it's a no-go if she has her headphones in. So it kind of has to be the perfect storm.

Like you're both at the smoothie bar at the same time. You're both at the water fountain at the same time. And that requires a certain amount of luck. Right. Are you seeing an increasing amount of breakups these days compared to the past, you think? No, I wouldn't say an increasing amount of breakups, but I do think people are struggling more

to get into relationships initially. And I think part of that is due to just having so many options. This illusion through Instagram and through dating apps and through OnlyFans that you have access to all of these options. And that's not the case. That's honestly an optical illusion.

Like, yes, you in theory can access these people, but creating connections is still very hard. And so people always often have the mindset the grass is greener. So they go on a first date and they don't feel the sparks and the fireworks aren't going. Then they're like, you know, I have like a whole list of these other people

on the dating app. Like I'll just explore one of them, rather than giving somebody a little bit more of a chance to develop that connection and explore a relationship with them first. Yeah, guys call it a roster. Yeah, girls call it a roster too. Oh, girls do too?

Who's up on the roster next? Oh, that's funny, I didn't know that. Yeah, I'd be curious what percentage of people are like in relationships compared to like years prior. Yeah, I don't know how it compares to years prior, but I think if you're looking at dating-age women, something like two-thirds of women are already in a relationship,

which ties back to needing to be resilient in dating. So we talked about dating apps. I think dating apps are necessary evil. I think they are worth using to get in front of people you might not otherwise meet. But if you are relying on them exclusively for your dating life, you're probably not going to have a thriving dating life.

You need to work on offline meetings, offline approaches too, which are harder. So people don't want to do it. But, sorry, I lost my turn. Where was I going with that with meeting people? Offline meetings. Yeah. Dating apps, yeah. No, I could with that with meeting people? Offline meetings. Yeah. Dating apps, yeah.

No, I could see that though. Cause most people rely on dating apps. Yes, exactly. And that's, you just, you can only go so farther and some people just aren't going to do as well on dating apps as others. Now I've heard most of the attractive women don't even use dating apps.

Is that true? Yeah, a lot of women, or they might use them here and there or for fun, but they're not reliant. they're certainly not relying on them. And so guys might see them and they might even match with them, but then it doesn't lead to a date and they get frustrated. Oh, that's what I was saying about approaching,

because so many women are in relationships, guys will approach three girls and be like, it's hopeless, no one is interested, everyone's in a relationship. And the reality is that a lot of people are just in relationships, so it's a numbers game. You have to be talking to a lot of women, you have to be approaching a lot of women

to find the ones who are single and the ones that are gonna be interested in you. Yeah, wow, I didn't know 66% of women were dating. I think it's around that, yeah. That's really high, yeah, so you got, it's a numbers game, so two out of three are dating. Or like married or in a relationship, yeah. That's super high actually.

It's higher than I thought. Yeah, so you gotta pretty much approach at least three girls then. Because if you're just putting all your eggs in one basket or two baskets, they could be dating someone. And that's why I say, okay, you can put 20% of your effort online,

but then 80% of your effort should be spent offline. I love that. And which venues are you recommending people to go to? So it's very specific to the person. You should be spending time in places be spent offline. I love that. And which venues are you recommending people to go to? So it's very specific to the person. You should be spending time in places that you enjoy, that you thrive, that you feel confident, that the type of woman you want to date is going to be at.

So I like hobbies, things that you're already doing. Not all hobbies are created equal. Your video game habit is probably not going to lead to you meeting that many women. But hey, if you've always been interested in taking a language course or taking an art class or a writing class or stand up or yoga teacher training or the gym, like whatever your interests are,

lean into those and spend time each and every week investing in them. And you're going to meet like-minded people. And even if that like-minded person, you might meet people through those hobbies, maybe it's not your girlfriend, but it might be a friend who you now, okay, have things in common with, share values with.

That in friend invites you to a party, and that's where you meet your girlfriend. The whole idea is you want to expand your social circle and community offline to meet people like you who you could have a connection with. What do you think of the wingman strategy? Like going out together. and community offline to meet people like you who you could have a connection with. What do you think of the wingman strategy? Like going out together?

Yeah, like having a guy hype you up or a girl hype you up. Yeah, I mean, having friends is a great way to leverage improving your dating life. If you are constantly having to go out solo, that's going to be tougher than if you're going out with friends, if you have a friend to talk you up. Like, you know, case in point, like I said, you meet a friend at one of your hobbies, then you go to a party with them.

Like they're gonna be more inclined to talk you up to like that mutual friend, like, oh yeah, he's a great guy. Like he's the man, as opposed to like you showing up someplace by yourself. And then you have to do all the work, building the trust, creating a connection. It definitely helps.

I know people that have like a gay best friend and then they'll use that guy to like talk to other gender. Yeah, that's actually a good one. I also love as a place, Pickleball. I think that's a very, I don't know if it's big in Vegas. It is, yeah. I feel like it's huge in most major cities at this point and it's very social, men and women played.

It's not heavily skewed one way or the other. It's easy to learn, All levels can jump in. So I love that as a way to meet more people. Yeah, pickleball is an equalizer sport for sure. What about DMs? Have you ever seen someone slide in and it actually worked? Yes, I've definitely seen it happen, but I would say guys rely on DMs too heavily.

Like if you are struggling on the dating apps, then trying to use Instagram as a dating app is probably just going to be more challenging. And it works a lot of the same way. You need to have decent pictures. You need to look good online. You need to be able to send a message that sticks out. And the mistake guys make is like,

they're DMing these girls who have like 100,000 followers. And it's like, yeah, you and 20 other guys have sent her a DM today. So like, why you? What's standing out about you? And then the other problem is, are you, is she even gonna see it? So that's why it's a challenging strategy

and definitely not one to rely on. Yeah, I've seen some of these girls inbox. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Literally a hundred DMs a day. It's nuts. Yeah, so like why, how? I think it's more, what is more realistic

is using that as a way to get in touch with like a mutual friend or someone who, you know, isn't an Instagram celebrity, isn't like a random person from the internet, but is someone you actually are one or two degrees removed from and you have a reasonable reason to reach out to them, that's gonna be a much more successful strategy in the DMs.

Like I get DMs all the time. I literally wear a wedding ring on each hand. I talk about being married on my platform and if you just spent two minutes like doing a little recon on my profile, you could skip it. But guys don't, they blindly will slide into women's DMs and then it's like, oh, I'm discouraged.

And it's like, okay, does she even live where you live? Is she even single? And then like, why you? That's not a good strategy. Yeah, for real, the distance thing is tough too. Yeah, really tough. I don't see those working out for the most part. Well, especially if you haven't met in person.

If you meet in person first, you really hit it off. You happen to live in other places, or one person moves away, that's much more realistic than starting a long distance relationship with somebody you've never met in person. Yeah. So you went on one of my favorite shows, Shark Tank. I'd love to hear about your experience.

I've had a couple of those guys on the pod. Amazing. It was a wonderful experience. It was definitely a bucket list item. It was way more nerve wracking than I maybe ever thought it would be. I guess I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about like, what would it be like to be on Shark Tank? You know when you watch the show,

you're just like sitting at home on your couch like that idiot, like whatever. And it was definitely a big moment for me and I'm really happy I did it. Nice, were you trying to get one of them specifically? Yeah, Mark Cuban was the one I really wanted. Same, I would have went for him. Cause, because I feel like he's such an awesome, he is an awesome guy.

He is the type of guy a lot of the men I work with want to be like. He's successful, he has a family, he's known as a good guy, he does, you know, philanthropic. So I felt like he would be a good shark for me. And it ended up working out, he made me an offer. Nice. Oh, you took it?

We didn't end up closing it after the fact. Oh, the DD. Yeah. I heard a lot of those deals after. I think it's like, what, 20%, 30%? It's a lot. He was wonderful. He was amazing to work with.

I just ultimately, you know, what you see on the show is literally what happens on stage. And to actually take an investment from somebody, there is so much more that has to be discussed and figured out and agreed upon. And it ultimately just didn't make sense for us. Yeah, well everything happens for a reason, right? Yeah, no, he's wonderful.

I don't have a bad thing to say about him. Yeah, shout out to Mark. I've been trying to get him on the show. If you're watching this, Mark, I know you're going on a run right now. I just saw him on Theo. I saw him on a couple other ones. Nice. Yeah, he's going through a lot of hate right now on Twitter. So why? Politics. Oh, I don't even know his

politics. Well, he's not into it, but he's like talking about like he's promoted someone. So yeah, it's a very controversial thing. I'm gonna have to follow up on that. Yeah, look at dot. He's been getting torched. Who do you think initiates breakup more, men or woman? So I'm gonna make a very big generalization here. Hot take, I think relationships that are in their 20s, the woman tends to be the one who breaks up more because she has a higher cost on her time

and she has more options. And then when you get a bit older, when people are in their 30s, it tends to be the man who initiates the breakup more often. He's in less of a rush to take that next step to necessarily get married. There's less of a timeline on biologically when he needs to progress relationships.

So he's more willing to end something and start anew. Yeah, because in their 20s, girls wanna have kids, right? So they're kind of... Or they're at least thinking about that as a possibility. And women in their 20s are highly desirable. They can meet, they can date men in their 20s, they can date men in their 30s, they can date men in their 40s and up,

or everyone is going to be interested in women in their 20s. They're in their prime, they're in their most, like evolutionarily, they're in their most fertile time. So that's going to be, they are in high demand. They are sought after and desired. So they have more options. Yeah. And I see that with some women friends of mine. They're really trying to rush it almost.

You know? Trying to find a guy to have kids with. But I don't think relationships should be rushed. No, I think they can't. And I think, I mean, there's a lot of different types of relationships. And some people meet and get married immediately and have kids and it works out

and they're married for 50 years and other people are together for 10 years before they get married and then get divorced within a year. So I think rushing is less in my mind about exact timing and more about how deeply you're connecting and while you're knowing each other and you're talking about like

the big picture important things. So that's what really needs to happen before taking a next step is making sure you're aligned on what the future should look like for both of you. And when do you think is the appropriate time to have that conversation? Like around being exclusive. Yeah. So I get this question a lot and there's no right

answer for every relationship because every relationship is different. I think I see men and women both trying to rush this and usually the underlying reason is because they want to lock it down. They feel fearful that the person is gonna find somebody else. And that is the wrong reason to want to be

in an exclusive relationship. I say you should not want to be exclusive with someone until you are aware of their flaws and want to be with them anyway. Because if you're still in the honeymoon phase where you think they're perfect and everything is hunky dory, then you actually don't know them well enough

to want to be exclusive with them. So at the very, very minimum, I would say like four or five dates, but that seems very soon. And I think a more reasonable timeline is a few months of dating, two to three months of dating. It depends off, obviously it also depends on how

often you're hanging out and seeing each other and having the conversations that should be had before being exclusive, but. Respectable. So you're not a fan of sex on the first date? Again, I think like there are definitely people who had sex on the first date and are happily married and there's plenty of people

who that didn't work out for them. My opinion is that you are better off forming some sort of emotional connection before having the physical connection, if you want a long-term relationship with this person. If you're just looking to have fun and you just wanna hook up, and both parties are into that, go for it.

But if you want things to progress further, you want to explore that possibility, I recommend getting the emotional connection going first. Sex can be awkward, sex can be weird, especially the first time. So if it's like kind of awkward and you don't have an emotional connection yet, it's very easy for either party to be like,

eh, like I don't think they're the one, like I'm just gonna move on. Whereas if you already have an emotional connection, you've built some amount of trust, like the sex is more likely to be good, especially for the girl. And then if it is kind of weird, or there's that awkward moment,

it's like, okay, well I still really like this person, we can move past that. Right, I agree. And that's where I differ from most guys. I want that emotional connection before I ever do that with someone. But there's guys rocking up hundreds of bodies. Yeah, I think that's a very different,

I mean, it's just a different strategy. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I'm friends with them, but. Can I say nod to somebody pops off screen? Oh man, people close to us know who I'm talking about. So a lot of your clients are coming out of a divorce or a long-term relationship. So they don't know how to pretty much flirt or talk to girls, right?

Yeah, I think the problem oftentimes if you're coming out of a doors or a long-term relationship is that so much has changed. The dating landscape has changed so rapidly. Sure, dating apps existed 10 years ago, but they weren't, it's not like every single person was on them. It wasn't so important to your dating life.

It wasn't so competitive. And so they just aren't sure how to text and appropriately communicate there. How much should they be texting? They don't know how to make their dating apps. They're just out of practice really. And so it's helpful for them to have someone give them the blueprint of like,

okay, here's what is expected of you. Here's how I recommend implementing it. Here's what you should be doing when you jump back into the dating pool. Right, I love how personalized your advice is because a lot of these coaches give such broad things to follow and then people follow it and it doesn't work. Yeah, I think that's a mistake I see a lot of coaches

making and like people following. One piece of advice isn't probably gonna work for everybody. Even advice I give online, I might say something and people are in the comments like, well that doesn't work for this type of person. It's like, yeah, that might not be like the system that is going to work for you based on your strengths or based on who you're looking to attract.

So dating is personalized and thriving in dating is even more personalized, but there are definitely blanket rules that apply across the board as well. Absolutely. So you're four years into coaching now, any of your clients get married yet? Oh yeah.

Oh yeah? I've been invited to tons of weddings. I've had baby announcements. Nice. So things are moving quick. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I've had at this point over 5,000 men go through my programs.

Wow. Yeah, so I've had actually like a good number of weddings. Yeah, I'd be curious over time, we'll see how your results like, maybe like what percentage of people are like succeeding. Yeah, people'd be curious, over time, we'll see how your results, like maybe like what percentage of people are like succeeding from this. People have different goals. You know, a lot of my clients are

looking for long-term relationships and looking for marriage. But I also have plenty of clients who are in their 20s and they don't have a lot of experience with women. And sure, one day they want to get married, but right now they're just looking to have more options with women they're excited about and have fun with it.

And that's OK too. So it's like, I don't count getting married as like my ultimate success. Like for some people it is, if that's your goal. There's a lot of other ways to be successful dating as well. Some guys just wanna hook up. Maybe they don't want kids. So yeah, I guess success is different

when it comes to dating. Yeah, my goal for my clients is they feel confident. They feel like they know what to do and when, and they feel like they have options with women that they're excited about. Yeah, that confidence for my clients is they feel confident. They feel like they know what to do and when, and they feel like they have options with women that they are excited about. Yeah, that confidence can be learned. Yeah. Definitely.

I think a big part of my issue was I didn't have a father figure, so just that my confidence wasn't there. Girls told me I was ugly growing up, so yeah, I had to rebuild that. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think confidence is really a baseline if you want to date attractive women.

When I say attractive, I mean that more holistically, like women who are also confident, women who are secure with themselves, you often will attract somebody at the same level sort of across any spectrum that you are. So if you're a super needy guy, you're probably going to date and attract super needy women.

If you're not confident, you're not going to attract a confident woman. So what you want to attract, you need to be yourself. Agreed. Yeah. Cause in high school, like there was all sorts of people. There was nerds, there was athletes. And now 10 years later, I see them getting married and stuff.

And yeah, there's a, there's a person out there for everyone. Like, you know what I mean? And I think that's an important call out. Like no matter how niche your interests or even like your sexual desires are. The world is vast. The internet is big. You can find that person. Like no matter what you're into, there is somebody else who is also into that and will be into you

if you start doing the right stuff, if you put yourself out there. 100%. Blaine, where can people get lessons from you and keep up with your social media? Yeah, datingbyblaine.com, Dating by Blaine across social media. Get in touch and I up with your social media. Yeah dating by Blaine calm dating my blame across social media Get in touch and I would love to help you cool We'll link below guys if you need help dating check out the links and we'll see you next time. Peace