Digital Social Hour - Embracing Non-Traditional Relationships with Dj Vijayjay and Chathan | Digital Social Hour #60

Episode Date: July 29, 2023

Hey there, podcast enthusiasts! Are you ready for an episode that will challenge your preconceptions and leave you laughing? Look no further because we've got the perfect episode for you. In this mind-blowing installment, we dive deep into the world of solar charging - and no, we're not talking about your cell phone! Join me, your host Sean Kelly, together with my co-host Wayne Lewis and our incredible guest Chathan Good, as we explore the concept of solar charging your hole. Yes, you heard that right! We'll unveil the revolution of professional bottoms and the art of downward dog naked. But that's not all, folks! The conversation takes an unexpected turn as we delve into the world of fisting and Dance Dance Revolution-inspired games. DJ Vijayjay, our guest, shares her wild experiences of being a DJ at Burning Man and her unique set-up involving a Bluetooth speaker dildo. And don't worry, we cover everything from juggling to giving head massages with a vagina. But it's not all about the shock factor. We also dive into important topics such as consent, body empowerment, and ethical non-monogamy. DJ Vijayjay opens up about her polyamorous lifestyle and together, we explore the boundaries of marriage and society's expectations. Plus, we tackle serious subjects like sexual assault and the need for individual empowerment and cultural change. This episode will make you think, challenge your beliefs, and leave you in stitches. DJ Vijayjay's unique perspective and her ability to bring humor to difficult topics will have you reconsidering everything you thought you knew about sex and identity. So, what are you waiting for? Grab your headphones, tune into this extraordinary episode, and prepare to have your mind blown. Join us on this incredible journey of laughter, growth, and transformation. Trust us, you won't want to miss it! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/digitalsocialhour/support Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What is this solar charging your... It's a very important thing we do. Solar charging your... It's like, you know, you plug in your phone. If you do downward dog, naked towards the sun, you solar charge your... and it just supercharges your day.

So you mentioned earlier... What is this... revolution? Oh my God. You guys do. They're professional bottom. They've had four at one time. I had never or wanted to,

but like, okay, so I got them and get more comfortable with it. You're looking at, you know, the arrows, like when you're playing Dance Dance Revolution and you're them. Your right hand is like up and left and your left hand is down and right. And so punching in

their to read the sensors and play the video game and i got a pretty high score not gonna lie i did girls just wanna have fun Welcome back to the Digital Social Hour. I'm your host, Sean Kelly. I'm here with my co-host, Wayne Lewis. What up, what up? And our guest today, Chathan. DJ for JJ. Hello, good.

How are you? How's it going? Can't complain, man. Doing great. Back in part two. Oh, yeah. I didn't hear part one, but I'm excited to listen later. This is going to be intense.

So how did you two meet? So we're both big Burning Man attendees, and I really love regional Burns, which are the smaller affiliated Burns and much smaller events, more community-oriented. So I wanted to go to Love Burn in Miami, and I didn't know anyone going. So I was just looking for a theme camp posted on the page, and Chayton got a hold of me. He was like, it sounds like you would be a good fit based on who you are for our camp. And the first time we ever talked on the phone, I mean, we were both in tears talking about the sacred event,

that event that he throws and how much we both value consent and open sexuality and just who we are as people. We were like, what is this? And it's like instant family. It's an amazing group of people. So talk to me about this event. What, what goes on there? Well, let's call it a celebration or a body empowerment event. Yeah. It's a, it's a really sacred space. Um, so faith in his partner created this event. They've done it at lots of regionals. Um, I'm the only person as to my knowledge that they've let me join in and host and be the MC of this event they've done it at lots of regionals um i'm the only person as to my knowledge

that they've let me join in and host and be the emcee of this event i've emceed a lot of different things i do a lot of weird lesk and burlesque and things like that and i'm a myself and but it's a really sacred event where owners can go up and experience whether they know how to or not being cheered on in their own bodies and it's not a destination oriented event some people do get there some people don't get there we have help that can get them that there and help teach them or they can work with a partner or just solo and I mean our that year I think we had maybe 16 people who live in front of about four or five hundred cheering

audience members who are just giving them support and love It's not about the audience and what they're getting out of it It's about just a really wonderful vulnerable like gratitude for their vulnerability in showing this Trustful Wow, whatever shape size color Menstrual status body hair configuration. We have somebody who every time they've done it they happen to be on their period and their diva cup will literally shoot into the audience yeah uh and it's so beautiful i was in tears it's all about just embracing whatever your body is and looks like and because it's so brazen it's like really taking ownership of your body. S*** is an art, though, right?

Everyone can't s***. They can. They can. Technically, I mean, maybe not 100% of people, but probably around 99.99% can. So it's a liquid produced by the Skeen's gland. It's not pee. They have studied it.

It's not pee, guys. It's not. Everyone knows pee is not urine. About 10% of urine will absorb through the bladder wall, and they've like tested it chemically but it is a totally different liquid comes out a different hole and the ski it's usually from intense and g-spot stimulation at the same time but different people do it in different ways um it's there's no reason to think that people couldn't do it there might be someone

out there with a particular shape of a or cystic fibrosis or something that really can't so i wouldn't say a hundred percent um the first woman ever filmed doing it was actually annie sprinkle she's an amazing worker and annie sprinkle she does a breast ballet she's fabulous look her up she's an ecosexual and she did a breath work organization while i was in college with me i had a crygasm she's She's incredible. What's a crygasm? It's a release with tears instead of orgasm. It's just a full body release. No, just breath work. Oh, breath work. Just breath work.

Yeah, crygasms. Never had that. I highly recommend it, especially for men. It's such a good release. Wow. Okay. But she was the first woman ever filmed doing it. And they were like, what is this?

And it's still been very, like, not studied. Horses do it too. I've seen a horse do it while still been very like not studied horses do it too i've seen a horse do it while living in israel yeah horses will like pre even just turn around like turn their to the other male horse and just gallons of it it was nuts it was nuts so what is so what is so to teach men how to prepare women to from a finger stimulation standpoint what what is the what is the art when it comes to the so the foreplay aspect of it yes so first and foremost is the mentality no one makes me no one makes a woman a woman that is her job to do notion that we have you can be an assist You can help a woman to

but ultimately I have to participate in my own orgasm if it's ever going to happen, especially with really with any kind of orgasm. And that's kind of a thing we don't talk about, right? It's really us allowing that to happen. Um, so technique, I mean, first you take on that attitude, you listen to each person's individual body pay a lot of attention to how they moan move things i recommend use of toys i'm a big you know proponent of toys like vibrators will get the stimulation so that they don't have to worry about fingers things like that um but the g-spot is about an inch and a half to two inches inside your and at the roof of your so middle finger is usually best a little bit curved and depending on the woman it could either be going in and out it could be a kind of come here kind of motion it it depends

and they make specific toys with which can also curve towards the g-spot that can help as well sometimes you want to push the g-spot in the way if it's up tucked behind a pelvic bone so occasionally some women like pressure on the top of their stomach as well, which can help. Because for the woman. So pressing down gently. Yeah, if you're pressing like here, you'll feel your fingers from the inside on the outside. What? So press on the stomach and just kind of like that.

Yeah. Okay. So the shape of the ****, everyone thinks of a **** this big. It's not. It's actually, it looks kind of like this. It has two feet along the **** and it goes down underneath. And the bottom of the **** is what we call the G-spot. So it's really all the same organ.

And I taught myself how to c**k in a bathtub when I think I was 16. I was like, I want to see if I can do this. And it's messy, so I do recommend a bathtub. It can be a lot. And, you know, I just kind of played around. Anything you're going to try in c**ks, I highly recommend. Do it yourself first. You haven't tried c**k, play around with it before you're like, hey, partner, stick that in there.

Like, you want to know what you like and how to teach someone else to do it how you like. So, but, I mean, one time I got bored after a day at home, and I was like, how many times in a row can I s**k? And after 28 times, I got f**king bored, and I was just like, I'm dehydrated and bored. That's like when you have a sick day, and you're at home got fucking bored and i was just like i'm dehydrated and bored that's like when you have a sick day and you're at home from school and wait so wait wait wait 28 times yeah and it will just keep going forever the bed was soaking wet well i use a lot of towels i i knew wow plastic uh mattress covers are your friend that's got to be a world record right no i'm sure it's not i mean it gets less and less liquid each time That's got to be a world record, right? No, I'm sure it's not. I mean, it gets less and less liquid each time. You do have to be pretty hydrated.

But yeah, it just is a... And they don't know why. They don't know why evolutionarily, if it's a cleaning out process or... Oh, but before... Forget to mention. Back to teaching, because for women to learn how to do it themselves...

Yeah, teach the men out there how to... When you're about to... and have a... It feels like you kind of have all this pent-up energy it's a pushing down like you're peeing it's almost exactly like you're trying to force yourself to pee you do have to push down rather than pull up during that orgasm otherwise your muscle spasms there's kind of a pulling up and you probably just have a orgasm but it's a pretty intense use of your muscles to actually make it so as the man how do you know when she's pulling up like no no no baby you gotta push down you could hear it you could hear it yeah well you can see it in the body too there's kind of a clenching versus a like yeah like and you know if you're pulling in your stomach to look cute probably not gonna work you know you gotta really

relax and the most important thing is that it's non-destinational you know if it doesn't happen And if you're pulling in your stomach to look cute, probably not going to work. You've got to really relax. Yeah, just relax. And the most important thing is that it's non-destinational. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. Because the number one thing that's going to stop any orgasm is pressure, especially on women. And you making it about you and I want to make sure I made you c**t. It's like, no, this is an experience you're having together. If you don't get there, that's totally fine. Then it makes it easier to maybe get there next time

instead of next time being like a traumatic, like, even me, I'm very comfortable with ****. But if there's like a timeline or a pressure, like, baby, I'm going to make you ****, I'm like, oh, instantly not going to happen. Turns you off. Instantly. Because, I mean, that's the, I mean, women say make ****

or I'm **** or you just made me ****. So we kind of take that like, yeah, I did that. Yeah, linguistically it's very in our culture. And that'll be a long time before that shifts, you know, one person at a time. Because it does give credit. It's a boldness. You're a partnership. Hopefully you're caring, loving partners.

Not discounting the role of the man at all. It's very, you know, or woman. Any partner can do this, obviously. It's not organ dependent. So. So you mentioned earlier, what is this revolution? Oh, my God. You guys do.

Oh, my Lord. Wait, you said. My Lord. Butt revolution. Revolution. Fist revolution, alternatively. Yeah, but I like to call it punch revolution. Punch revolution.

Oh, speaking of which. You told me earlier speaking which i do know the person who has the world record for the most amount of so i could we should bring them in here oh we should but so yeah people ask me i one of my favorite i i am in um a dancer and one of my favorite people like things to ask people is like what's the craziest thing you've ever done and then they always ask me so i've done a lot of crazy things you know we'll talk about my dj and things later but this was literally the craziest thing probably I've ever done and I've been to 48 countries gone around the world by myself backpacking like

but we have a beautiful human in our community name well I won't even name them for their privacy but their professional bottom they've had four in their at one time I had never or wanted to be but they did a workshop and they asked for a volunteer and I was like okay so I got to them and get more comfortable with it later that night yes so I was like okay I'll figure out the mechanics I knew like I'm not gonna hurt you because you know what you're doing and I just really want to figure it out later the nights pouring rain we're at a festival we're all just huddled around each other in our camp and this person starts setting up wires and computers and things and i'm like

yeah incredible insanely brilliant genius brilliant genius and i'm like what the hell is going on and they bring out they basically took freeware dance dance revolution software hooked it up to sensors on your wrists so you you're looking at you know the arrows like when you're playing dance dance revolution you're looking at it and you're your right hand is like up and left and your left hand is down and right and so it's kind of a mind as well and you're literally punching sorry i'm hitting the mic punching in their to read the sensors and play the video game and I got a pretty high score not gonna lie I did girls just wanna have fun yeah like you like you they are so

talented with oh they're that they can like you just punch and they just I mean I've seen them get irritated when two people were f***ing their a**. And they were just like. Harder. They literally grabbed one of their arms and they were like, and then they just plunged their own. Yeah, and they'll tell you. And they're like 6'3". They'll be the first to tell you, like, I'm just programming my s*** to f*** me how I want to be f***ed. Like, they really enjoy it.

Wow. At Burning Man, I ran into them. They're like, do you want to f*** me? I'm like, I mean, you wear gloves. Okay, okay. It's a combination of Crisco and Ex-Lube, which is the best. And they call it Spackle, which I find hilarious. And it's so viscous.

It's like a wall between your fingers. So I wasn't about to get into that. Oh, it's so thick. It's like, like, it's like. Okay. Like, I don't know. It's almost like silly putty. Like, but yeah. Yeah. It's just really viscous and... Okay. Like, I don't know how to... It's almost like silly putty. But, yeah.

Yeah. It's just really viscous and goopy. Like slime. Do you ever make slime as a kid? Yeah, I make slime. Yeah. It should be on, like, Nickelodeon. Mm-hmm.

This should be on Nickelodeon. Nickelodeon. Friendly, is it? Yeah, this should be on Nickelodeon. I'm in. How to teach kids about... Where's Nick Cannon when you need him he's making kids wait yeah do it he's got like what he's at 12 yeah for sure was that your

craziest sexual story or is there other ones oh i have so many funny ones i got into an i dated identical twins in israel i've had an accidental kevin threesome in the orgy dome at burning man where they both were named kevin he's like hi i'm I'm Kevin. Hi, I'm also Kevin. Like, wow. Wait, there's an orgy dome? Oh, yes. There's a whole camp run for consensual and communicative consent-based play. Wow. And that's not usually my thing. Everyone assumes I'm kinky because I'm like very comfortable in my sexuality. Honestly, the things that get me going are intimacy, light touch, and I'm a humor sexual. The funnier it is, the better. And a unicophile.

I love people who are just really uniquely themselves. But I don't need – my motto is I'll try anything twice. But I don't need all that. Most of the time, I'm like, tickle my back, and I'm like, I'm s***. So I occasionally will do a group thing or that. I've certainly had my share of experiences. Like, I own my own cave at Petra in Jordan. Pretty proud of that.

What's a cave? Like, an actual cave. Like, Petra is the the you know in indiana jones the seventh world wonder the giant caves carved into the rock met a bedouin guy may or may not own a cave there with him oh nice i had a little experience with him there like moving ski lift with skis on that was probably the most acrobatic impressive one on a ski lift that sounds i still want to go back to these identical twins yeah we got to touch on that wait so wait you said the identical twins i still want to hear about the identical twins oh that's not even an interesting story it just i happen to could you tell the difference between them or no i could yeah some people can't but i very much could

i was into one the other one like tried to kiss me and i was like i'm into your brother and, like, tried to kiss me, and I was like, I'm into your brother. And he's like, so we'll have a threesome. And I was like, what? He's like, we've done it before. I was like, okay. No. But you didn't. No.

I didn't ever have the threesome. I just dated them, and I only f***ed one of them. It was so close. Oh, okay. It was so close. Okay, we're calling them after this. We don't talk to them anymore for other reasons. Okay.

But, yeah. But the. No. anymore for other reasons but yeah but no i've certainly had my share of interesting like you know fun stories now the thing about fun stories they're rarely good best in my life not a fun just casual but the stories are always you know fascinating they're good sometimes you do it for the story yeah and what is this uh solar charging your what is that it's a very important thing we do solar charging your yeah yeah it's it's like a recharge it's like you know you plug in your phone if you do downward dog naked towards the sun you solar charge

hole and it just super charges your day yeah it's so it's a downward dog which one's downward dog it's like a v Your hands on the ground. Oh, yeah. It's the one where you get horny during yoga because you look up and you're like. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've seen that one. Spread the cheeks. We'll do it all in a row on the road at a festival so that everyone else gets a show while we

solar charge our asses. You guys are naked though, right? Yes. And how long? How many minutes? I recommend three to five. If you're not wearing sunscreen like a ginger like me, you can't do it too long. And what exactly does that do for you?

She said it charges your dick. It supercharges your dick. Your a**. Okay, because I do grounding. I, like, go barefoot. It's not medical science, but you know. I mean, it's like. You've got to let the light in.

Yeah, you've got to do your own research. It's very important to be silly in life. You know, so many people want to be normal. i'm like one that doesn't exist two that's such a tiny cage to put yourself in why would you life's too short to not get weird with it and experiment and just try something for the sake of trying it can you be in a relationship though me yeah oh yeah i'm polyamorous i actually currently have two partners um i want to have kids with multiple partners. I don't do s*** for s***'s sake. I find it very boring.

I need intimacy for s***. So they're very loving relationships, and it's honest and open with everybody involved. With two guys or three guys? Currently two guys. I occasionally date women as well. I'm pansexual, but I'm mostly straight-leaning. But yeah, they're very loving relationships.

They've met? Oh, yeah. They have not met yet because one is a new partner, but they will meet, and they know about each other, and we're very, you know. So you're open with them dating whoever they want to, right? Yes. Oh, okay. It's called ethical non-monogamy.

ENM is a term you'll hear a lot of the time. You're a kitchen table, right? No. There's lots of different kinds of poly. No, I'm just asking. Wait, wait, wait. What's a kitchen table, right? No. There's lots of different kinds of poly. No, I'm just asking. Wait, wait, wait. What's a kitchen table? Kitchen table means all your partners can sit down together at the same kitchen table and have a talk about it.

Oh, interesting. Yeah, you could all eat dinner together. That's what you do, right? You do that? Yeah. Yeah, he's more kitchen table than my... Oh, so you got all your chicks just chill together? Well, if I'm dating, like, if I've got multiple relationships at a particular moment, it is important to me that anybody who enters my life enters my life.

And every person who is in my life, whether they be a lover or a friend, is an expression of who I am. So to in any way separate that is denying a part of who I am. And you can't pick and choose when you love someone you have to love the entirety of them you know then you can't say well i love this part about you and i hate that part about you that's the fact because i hate when people you can't do that you have to love all of them it might annoy the shit out of you but you still gotta love that but you gotta love that this is part of it yeah or at least accept it you know you may not love like it but you accept it.

I don't ever want any separation in my life. Do you believe in marrying multiple people? Do you want to marry multiple people? I mean, I think you could have multiple life partnerships. I mean, marriage is a legal construct.

It doesn't... I have a wife but like i mean like we're we've been too lazy to go to the courthouse just because we don't like like what's important to me is that we've made a life part like a life bond right i'm like yeah and she's the best yeah i mean there are some interesting we could go into a whole other podcast about the implications of polyamory in the future and how marriage will come into play because it is a power dynamic. You know, if one partner stays home and doesn't work for 12 years and there's a divorce, only marriage is going to protect you financially. So there are some financial and economical reasons. But marriage, in my opinion, kind of came from capitalism and patriarchy and passing your, honestly, your property, your land and things to your male heir. It was a transactional thing.

And then we made it about love. But it is about love these days, but it's also really more of a legal thing. So if you love people. That's a pretty Western concept. Some people want the label. Some people don't. Some people. But you can always sign everything over.

I can still put you on my life insurance even though you're not my wife. Domestic partner. Yeah, and then you kill them. I can put you on my life insurance. Yeah, and then you kill them. You can put anybody on your life insurance. But you couldn't go visit them in the hospital. And if you had kids together, they wouldn't necessarily recognize them as the parent to make decisions.

But then you kill your kids. No, you kill the person you get the insurance policy yeah clearly right you you guys don't know anything you can put anybody let me teach you your next business thing you can put anybody on life insurance though yeah really just key man insurance even partial percentage wise anybody because like if you have a if you have a like a large corporation you need life insurance on all of your c-level people because if one of them dies it deeply affects your business wow yeah so you can get any key man insurance is important but i still wanted to talk about dj oh true oh yeah let's dive into the dj in the building dj so that's my. So that's my Instagram, the DJ Vajayjay.

I just spelled out DJ VJJJ. And so I've done a lot of weird things with my, including juggling with my, giving head massages with my. It all started from hosting the Naked Olympics, which is my event at most regional burns. And it evolved to this year year i joked about being a vajay since everyone in vegas is a freaking dj i was like my vajay should be a dj and everyone

at burning man lately is a dj and my friend was like oh we're making this happen and i was like what he builds props for katie perry so he can make this shit happen so he made me a custom dildo that has a bluetooth speaker my butt plug has a laser show that goes along with the music. And there's a built-in three-foot flame from my va- Whoa. Three-foot butane flame. Wow. So I wrote a whole va-

Dildo that's actually- Very wholesome. Very wholesome, surprisingly. It's extremely wholesome, moving to the point of, like, I remember tearing up during it, and I was sitting in the front row just, like, weeping. Wow. And just, like, yeah, I talk about their power and all the weird things that they can do that some of you may know, some of you may not know. What are some of the things?

Well, I mean, we've talked about a few of them. DJ? They can be very creative. But, you know, everyone thinks of birth, obviously. But, you know, there's a huge potential for healing and release. You know, this this show is still lighthearted, but I also talked about, you know, consent. I have a one woman show as well. That was my senior thesis in college about culture and consent that very much aims to invite men into the conversation and not retraumatumatize survivors because that whole culture needs to change.

So it talked a lot about many different things. And then I wrote, eventually my v**** pipes up and is like, hey, hey, can I talk? You're talking for me. And I'm like, oh, okay. And I wrote a whole v**** musical for her that she sings. What? Yeah, she sings a v**** musical about v****s. And then we play songs about while people come light

joints and cigarettes off of my and we've made s'mores i mean like wait wait wait the overall thesis that i took home is that when you don't lay shame on your child, they are able to survive through the difficulties of being a person with a vajay or with a volv in an extremely shame, you know, laden culture, much more helpful. Right. My grandmother was a sex educator. She started a tradition. You give your daughter her vibrator at 16. Wow. You talk about sex. My mom continued this tradition, was very open with me. So when

I was sexed, which I have been three times, my first response wasn't shame. My first response was, wow, if this happens to someone like me, it really can happen to everyone. And I started talking about it immediately, pulled my, you know, sex with someone I knew into a therapist's office to talk to him about what happened my mom had a similar story that i went in secret my no and that's another thing there's a lot of we could do a whole podcast about victim blaming and how you need to give the woman whose experience it was the power to decide how she handles that situation i wanted to tell him my experience with a therapist in the office and, you know, give him my peace.

But beyond that, his healing is his journey. This wasn't a very 4% of are a stranger jumping out with a knife in the bushes. Almost all of them are people, you know, you're consensually kissing or maybe hanging out with, but you make a boundary and they push it too far. So I don't want him to be in prison. I think it's about re-education on both sides, about how we were socialized from babies onward to not really make strong boundaries, to not really hear and read strong boundaries. And I had friends literally unfriend me

because I didn't want to press charges. And that's unfortunate because really you need to give that person the power back, even if it seems like they're not doing what you think they should do. That's a totally different perspective of looking at that. I've never heard no woman my whole life speak like that. My partner will always say that she'll say, if you just cancel people every time something happens, then all that they do is go to the next community and perpetuate harm so you have

to like create processes as a community leader and uh we're very active in this positive and polyamory communities as she is and like you have to create processes for people to like rehabilitate just like with prison just like with all any sort of any any time you f**k up like you gotta learn that's okay well prison doesn't always work though it doesn't yeah no it doesn't ever work they're just now programs and stuff like now yeah especially making s'mores with your pussy yeah i mean it's so important i really just want to like double down on that that for me the point of life is to evolve as much as possible in your in this life that you've been given this body and we don't allow people to do that when the go-to is punishment for one deed we're all socialized and i've

literally interviewed murderers who i could put myself in their shoes and been like, yeah, if I had been raised like you and in your genes and that situation, I could find myself justifying that. No one does things maliciously unless they can justify it in their brain. I really don't believe in people, you know, it doesn't come from nowhere. So it can also be reeducated and not uneducated and that I've I'm different from most people in that most people value comfort and I've always valued growth over comfort and yes growth is uncomfortable I didn't go around the world by myself to 48 countries because it was comfortable but I grew 30 lifetimes in that amount of time like it's not always easy to have those hard conversations and to you know look someone who hurt you in the face and

say, this is what happened and this is what it did to me. And like, let's work on how we can make sure this doesn't happen to other people. And that's what my show is about is like, stop blame game. It doesn't matter who's going to prison. Let's talk about the culture. Let's zoom out and use humor to go, wow, we've made a perfect recipe for one out of three women to get s***. Why? It comes from both sides. Disney on. I was trained to acquiesce to men's needs first before my own and not speak up, even coming from a very vocal family around my sexuality. So it's important to look at it from all aspects

and give people chances to see their behavior. It doesn't condone the behavior, but to say, look, that behavior is wrong, not this person is wrong. Wow, one in three get f***ed. That's crazy. Yeah, well, no, no, no. Yeah, I mean, I know some of my homegirls

as close as that. Like, I know a lot of women that's been through some crazy stuff, and I'm like, damn. And probably most of them haven't told you. It's almost normal. Yeah, that doesn't include the ones that haven't told me. Because, I mean, there's parts of this world where you'll get **** for having ****.

Right? And men, too. One in ten men are ****. And they are even less likely to disclose because of the shame around what that weakness means in terms of masculinity in our culture. So masculinity in general and femininity need a rewrite it's like gender binary doesn't really exist if you there's there's x x y chromosome there's so many scientific things that say that we do not live in a gender binary you can literally on a scientific level not be man or woman that's why i'm very pro-trans and we're all on this spectrum and we all have

masculine and feminine energies inside us. There's no thing that really dictates this is a masculine trait, this is a feminine trait. It's just culture. And culture is so malleable. We have to start realizing that culture is completely malleable. All these truths we've been fed are literally things just humans made up. So we can remake them up. Do you feel like trans men can compete with women in women's sports?

That's an interesting topic. It's just yes or no. I don't think it's, I think it's like a conversation that gets blown out of proportion because we're talking about so many, like so few people. I will say that I don't think that's a comment that I can do justice in a soundbite of two minutes. I think that's a comment that I can do justice in a soundbite of two minutes.

I think that's a whole conversation. I do. I'm very pro the identity of those athletes and identifying how they want to. However, I do see the other side of how physical ability can, you know, it's very different men to women. But at the same time, I'm not Serena Williams. She's way different than me. Would it be unfair of me to compete with her? You know, there's a lot of different points.

Serena Williams, she do get beat by other women that aren't as good as her. She just, they just catch her. I was saying, there's many different frames you could look at that argument for. And that's kind of why I am who I am, is I look at all the frames. And I don't take one side, because I believe in duality. I believe two truths can be, you you know true at the same time and you don't need to always have one right one wrong one right one wrong there's there's a lot of rights in the world there's a lot of things we can hold as true and it's called dialectics in dbt therapy i like your perspective

i mean i'm in i'm in training to i'm in my master's program right now to be a marriage and family therapist and eventually a sex therapist with a PhD and I really do believe in like helping people through their shame and people people write me off because I DJ with my I'm also out there and weird but honestly the two are not in in conflict like it what you choose to do outside of what you do is what you do not just that life's too important to take so seriously like if you like i was saying before like it everything in life sees you when you're having fun doing it and humor is such a useful tool to be able to talk about things that otherwise are too painful to talk about right there's a lot of humor in my show for that reason like it's really hard to talk about a lot of things that really fucking hurt without being able to just joke about it. And that's why I weave social justice into every art I do.

I'm a body painting artist, and I do real therapy on people to make them see themselves as beautiful when I body paint on them and feel powerful in their body. Any performance I've done, I've done an immersive show about divorce and healing from that. I used to run the immersive theater department at Meow Wolf in Santa Fe. And even those characters and things, I would want to see, where's the humanity in this?

Where's the social justice? Because the fun tools, I learned so much being a theater kid growing up and gained so much confidence like we can use art to tackle something that's taboo and hard and difficult and make it like easy that's that's how brain chemistry works new pathways you can't just always you know use the hot button press word especially like the sports issue oh this is what the the pundits repeat over and over like it's not even in the same league when you start talking about these topics with a holistic and systemic perspective where it's like how's the network contributing how does the whole family integrate like what is the sociocultural impact and how do we get here man we got deep i like it

that's the thing about humor that's what she said you're not gonna that's what she man we got deep i like it yeah well i like it that's the thing about humor that's what she said you're not gonna that's what she said we got deep come on i didn't it's your go-to i mean i missed that one i was gonna give it to you i was like but like you know i'll say like it is it that's like the importance of humor though because like especially like like uh with circuit partner therapy like my tool everyone's got a different style my tool is humor and fun because if you get someone laughing they get out of here they stop thinking with their anxiety brain yeah you can't like i've're not, like, anxious and laughing at the same time. You can't be.

Unless you're, like, unless you're, like, ha, ha, ha. No. Real laughter is antithetical. Real laughter and anxiety do not go together. Absolutely. Trauma as well. That was a great episode. Any closing comments, guys?

No, man. I just really appreciate you guys, you know, letting people come on this show that can spread messages that hopefully will, you know, change that malleable culture and allow people to be the biggest, freest version of themselves and realize that life's so much bigger than you probably even know. Than I know. I'd like to point out one other thing, which is

she was requested to come here like 30 minutes before she showed up. I had no idea. I said, listen, I want to do this thing with you and there's nobody on planet earth remotely like you you got to come here and i appreciate this is this is just like who they are as a person and also again what's your instagram handle so at dj the dj vajayjay so the dj vajayjay. So the DJ Vijayjay. And it's a brand new account we just made today.

So, you know, like it'll get stuff eventually, but follow that. And when I do start doing more workshops, TED Talks, things like that, well, it'll be through that channel. Yeah, but we're boomers, so it took a while to figure it out. We're such boomers. Thank you guys for watching, and make sure you tune in to the DJ for JJ. Yeah, you got it. You got it.

Do it again. Do it again. Do it again. The DJ for JJ. I'm a firecracker. The curtains match the drinks. Real flames. The DJ for JJ.

I'm the one for JJ. Thanks for watching, guys. See you next time. Peace.