Digital Social Hour - Ex-Bachelorette Reveals Social Media's Hidden Toll | Kaitlyn Bristowe DSH #959

Episode Date: December 7, 2024

Ex-Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe reveals the hidden toll of social media in this eye-opening episode! 🎭 Watch as she shares her journey from reality TV stardom to navigating the complexities of online fame. 📱 Kaitlyn opens up about her struggles with anxiety, body image, and the intense scrutiny she faced after The Bachelorette. 🌹 Learn how she overcame bullying and found inner peace through therapy and self-reflection. 🧘‍♀️ Discover shocking insights on: • The impact of social media on mental health 🧠 • Overcoming anxiety and panic attacks 😰 • The truth behind reality TV fame ✨ • Finding balance in the digital age 🔄 Don't miss this candid conversation packed with valuable lessons for anyone navigating today's social media landscape! 🚀 Hit subscribe and join the Digital Social Hour community for more eye-opening discussions with Sean Kelly. 🔔 #DigitalSocialHour #KaitlynBristowe #SocialMediaImpact #MentalHealthAwareness #RealityTV #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthstigma #innerchildmeditation #reparenting #mentalhealth CHAPTERS: 00:00 - Intro 01:07 - Drinking on podcasts 01:48 - Anxiety 06:58 - Cold Plunging Introduction 08:15 - Hormonal Depression & Anxiety 10:53 - Childhood Learnings 15:11 - Bullying from The Bachelorette 20:10 - Anxiety & Psychedelics 23:54 - Agoraphobia 24:57 - Hypnotherapy 25:38 - Mentalism 27:12 - Wrapping 28:54 - Dreams 34:24 - Where to Find Kaitlyn APPLY TO BE ON THE PODCAST: https://www.digitalsocialhour.com/application BUSINESS INQUIRIES/SPONSORS: [e-mail] GUEST: Kaitlyn Bristowe https://www.instagram.com/kaitlynbristowe https://kaitlynbristowe.komi.io/ www.youtube.com/@OffTheVinePodcast LISTEN ON: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/digital-social-hour/id1676846015 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5Jn7LXarRlI8Hc0GtTn759 Sean Kelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seanmikekelly/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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under your supervision with live trip tracking and highly rated drivers. Add your teen to your Uber account today. I have found this out to be true as well. I did a week inner child retreat of like inner child therapy That week did about 10 years of therapy for me because like you just said like you learn from your mom We all learn so many things from our parents that are just in our brains that we don't even realize I think about social media what we consume how it warps our brain, and that's as adults.

So as children, think of like, that's all you know. All right guys, digital social hours, last episode of the day, Caitlin Bristow, thanks for coming on. Thank you for having me. I saw your Instagram and I was like, what? I would like to get there with my podcast. Congratulations to you. It's been a work in progress.

Well, you've been working hard. Yeah. but I would like to get there with my podcast. Congratulations to you. It's been a work in progress. Well, you've been working hard. Yeah, well, when you film, I don't know, 20 episodes a week, you get there quicker than most. That's bananas. That's bananas. I wouldn't even be able to talk. I'd be like, I'm gonna do it by the end.

Yeah, you said you were doing four a day, some days though, right? Some days, and literally they had to cut me off at five because they're like, your podcast sucks. If it's the fifth one of the day, I'm like, okay. Humbled, thank you. That's still way more than most people the day, I'm like, okay, humbled, thank you. That's still way more than most people though, so I'll probably see it. Oh, it's a lot.

I do love it though. Are you drinking on them or? Depends. If it's like 10 a.m., I'll stay away because otherwise I'll be sleeping by the end. But if it's like, I've got maybe two or one and it's a little later, then absolutely. Yeah, I drank on my first one last week.

You did? Yeah. First time ever? On a podcast, yeah. On a podcast, how was it? I felt better. Yeah, I drank on my first one last week. You did? Yeah. First time ever? On a podcast. On a podcast. How was it? I felt better. Yeah, I know! Now that sounds messed up to say but questions float out. This I say that with my guests because I have a wine label so having a glass of wine with them I'm like not only am I promoting the wine but I'm like lubing up my guests to get comfortable and like I always get make my guests tell me an embarrassing story and I do it towards the end. And there's a reason smart. Yeah, because some guests are a little nervous. Have you gotten that? Yeah, yeah, some guests get nervous. I had

David Arquette on I don't know if you know how old are you? 27. Okay, so David Arquette was like really big into the scream movies. He was a big actor in the scream movies. And he was, oh, Dewey. Oh, he was Dewey? Yeah. That's the guy. Yeah. And I think he's very much an introvert and very shy. And, but those are my favorite kind of people.

Really? Yeah. Cause I like making them feel comfortable and seeing them warm up. I don't know. You'll have fun with me. I'm actually a massive introvert. Are you really? Yeah.

I'm both. We were talking about this downstairs. I like right now now I don't feel like an introvert. I love meeting people. I love talking on podcasts. I like hanging up. But I love being alone. I need to recharge alone. crowds of people give me anxiety. Yeah, yeah, I've had a I didn't know I had anxiety. So how did you discover it? I collapsed. No, yeah, collapse on my college dorm room floor. I had to crawl to my bed. And I was like, thought it was a heart attack honestly,

but it was just a panic attack. Panic attacks sound just like if you've experienced one, then I feel like it is just as scary as a heart attack. Like I, the first time I ever had one was on an airplane and I thought I was dying. That's terrible. It was probably top three worst moments of my life. I bet because there's people around you, you don't know what to do.

Yeah and I there's two very sweet older couple and I like literally stepped on them to get out and was like clawing to get in the bathroom. It was bad. Yeah what caused it? Honestly no idea. Same. Really? I didn't know what happened.

Because I think a lot of people think with anxiety, like something has happened, or you're overthinking about something. And I truly, I don't know if it was like altitude, I was in Aspen and I don't know. It just, I started panicking and then I couldn't catch my breath and then I just started overheating.

And then it felt like all the sound went like, whoosh, past my ears. And then I just started, like I actually thought I was having heart attack. Same thing. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it's just a compilation of just bad. Like I was sleeping terrible, eating terrible.

Yeah, that'll do it too. Going through some mental stuff. Yeah. I was in college stressed. Yeah. So just a compilation of everything. And we've never been taught till lately what anxiety is. Like I had it as a child and now looking back,

I'm like, oh, that was anxiety. But back then I didn't know what was wrong with me. And I remember trying to explain it to my mom and she would be so confused. Then we thought I had OCD or something, but it was just total anxiety. Yeah, parents had no idea. No, nothing.

That would happen to me when I smoked weed in high school. I thought that was what being high felt like. But I was having- You're like, this sucks. I was having anxiety attacks every time I got high. Yeah, did you keep going? Yeah, cause I was trying to fit in time I got high. Yeah. Did you keep going? Yeah, because I was trying to fit in with people. I did the same thing. I did the same thing. Are we the same person? I literally would smoke weed

to try and fit in and I would have full, full blown panic every time and thought that's... I'd be in my basement doing the gravity bongs and I would have to go to my bed after like two hits. You're like, this is fun guys. I'd just be like, I'm out. Like you guys can keep smoking. I feel like shit. And then I went through a phase of, I lived in Vancouver for 11 years where I actually enjoyed smoking weed once in a while. But the problem was I would line up snacks in front of me. Monchis. And I would just Kick off an exciting football season with BedMGM, an official sportsbook partner of I would just... BetMGM is the best place to fuel your football fandom on every game day. With a variety of exciting features, BetMGM offers you plenty of seamless ways to jump

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Make myself sick because I would just eat and eat and not stop. And I wouldn't understand, I didn't understand like full cues when I was high. So now I don't smoke anymore. I don't smoke. I had, do you have a bad edible story? No, I have great edible stories. Oh you do? That's shocking.

Wow. You have a bad edible story? Yeah, I thought everyone did. Oh, no. So you've never had a bad experience on an edible? No. Wow. I think I got, I've been too scared to overdo it.

I've had funny stories taking edibles, but like the other night I took half of an edible. Yeah. And it's usually the kind that I'll take if I just want to get it's like mostly CBD and barely any THC and I was like I'll just do half and usually I do a full and I was so high and I was writing myself text messages as a joke like I was having a full I was having a full, this is, I was having a full conversation because in my head I was like, this is a really funny joke. And so I was writing it. Sometimes I think I'm a comedian. I'm not, I was writing myself texts being like this. And then in the morning I'm like, that's not funny, Kaylin.

Wow. Yeah. Sometimes I'll be stoned and I find myself deep conversation with myself for like 10 minutes. I'm like, what the hell? Yeah. Which is sometimes kind of nice for an introvert because you're like, you're getting your feelings out and your thoughts out, but then- That's true. Yeah, in the morning you're like- Because I live such a fast-paced life,

I never have time to reflect. Oh, that is the biggest thing after nine years of nonstop go, go, go. I am really making time for myself to reflect and marinate in all the hard work I've done. It's not easy, but I'm trying really hard to do that and slow down and my mental health is actually really improving because I got a sauna

and a cold plunge, which I'm sure Michael Chandler talked to you about that. But it's done wonders for my mental health. Yeah, saunas are a game changer. Game changer. I started using that like three, four times a week. Oh, it's the best. Last night I got out of my cold plunge after doing a sauna

and I was like, I love being alive. I said this to my girlfriend, I said, I love being alive. And she was like, what is happening? I'm like cold plunge. I'll do that to you, man. Got you rethinking everything in there. Yeah, wish we had that when we were smoking weed. We'd been like, let's get high on plunging.

Yeah. That should be a new thing. You want to hit the plunge later? Yeah. I love that. Yeah, that's cool to hear though that you've overcome your anxiety and well, I don't know about overcome or at least mitigated it. I think I've learned to surrender to certain times of like, for example, I'm a woman. So certain times of the month is when I actually suffer really bad from hormonal depression and anxiety. So now I at least know to plan for it. Right. Which really helps me and my assistant will actually schedule things around that time for me because otherwise I just go dark.

Smart. Yeah. My fiance just told me that your woman's cycle is 30 days, right? Yes. And a guy's is 24 hours. Yes. Which is crazy.

It is crazy and it really feels like there's about five days, it's clockwork, which is really sad, five days where I'm like, I don't feel. It's clockwork, which is really sad five days where I'm like, I don't feel good. I feel depressed. I'm anxious. I'm so irritable. I'm so moody. I could make terrible I could ruin relationships and like business decisions in those five days. It's, it's, it's really bad. Yeah. Yeah. So I just in those days now, I cold plunge, I say nobody talk to me, give me my five days

to recharge the old bats and we go again. See, that's important to know though, as a guy. I mean, yeah. Oh, honestly, it took me, I'm 39 and it probably took me till I was 38 to figure out what the hell was going on with me. Really? Oh, so you didn't even know.

Not, I didn't realize it was attached to hormones. Yeah, until recently. And now I'm like, how did I not notice this before? It's like, I could like get irritated at it. And I'm like, you are breathing and I want to throat chop you. And then I'm like, oh duh, it's that time. Like it's, yeah, it's clockwork at this point.

Do mouth chewers annoy you? I, you saying mouth chewers annoys me. Yes. I have severe misophonia. And it kicks up. Wow, there's a word for this. Misophonia. I didn't know that. Yeah. I have a whole Instagram page for it. No, you don't. Misophonia misery for the community. Thoughts and prayers to the misophonia community. It's a rough life. We get very

angry and irritable. And irritable and it seems so unreasonable because you're like, I just chewed my food and I'm like, but it's a thing. It's a thing, yeah. My mom's a big mouth chewer, man. Really, does it drive you bonkers? I realized I started picking it up from her. So my fiance is the one who told me I was one.

Got it. And then once she told me, I saw it in my mother. So now it does a little bit. Yeah, okay, but you would know if you had it. You mother. So now it does a little bit. Yeah. Okay, but you would know if you had it. You don't have me so phony. You just, you just are noticing. I'm just more aware.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You're aware. There's things in life people don't tell me until really late. And I'm like, wow. I have found this out to be true as well. I did a week inner child retreat of like inner child therapy

and that week did about 10 years of therapy for me. Whoa. Yeah. And I learned so much in just because like you just said, like you learned from your mom, we all learn so many things from our parents that are just in our brains that we don't even realize like think about social media, what we consume, how it warps our brain, and that's as adults. So as children, think of like, that's all you know. So it's interesting to learn so much about yourself through how you grew up and why you are the way you are.

And then it, not that I was, I had actually a great childhood and my parents are wonderful people, but I still realized, you know, certain things that they did that was generational that their that their parents put on them that they put on me but I don't know it's it was a beautiful thing but I also uh said when I got back that I was in awareness hell because I was like now I'm aware of everything that like other people are doing and my own patterns and why I do this but you just kind of learned that's interesting

So what were some things you realized during that I? definitely over fixate on Appearance when I am anxious So I will pick myself apart if I'm if somewhere else in my life is not going right if I'm feeling Sad or depressed about something else or I'm going through a hard time somewhere else, I'll stare into a mirror and start picking myself apart and be like, oh I need to, like I have severe body dysmorphia. I'll literally sometimes tell myself I need to get liposuction.

Holy, you're skinny. That's dysmorphia, like I, and I can realize it now. So growing up, I grew up, my mom was a professional ballerina and I grew up in the ballet studio, dance studio six days a week and we would all line up in the mirror and compare our bodies and go, I wish I had your arms and I would get accepted into this ballet school if my waist was this much smaller. And it was yeah, and I and I learned that and bless my mom, she's the sweetest angel on planet earth, but she was a ballerina growing up.

So she was body conscious my whole life. She was very worried about aging. And I grew up thinking aging's bad, gaining weight is bad. Your body has to look like this. I'm reading Cosmopolitan magazines that say, you know, get your body to look like this. So this guy likes you. And you know, now we have social media. But back then I had magazines, it's still all the same thing. But it was it

really, it really warped my brain into thinking that looks are all that matters. Wow. Yeah. And now these days, women are just overexposed on social media. Oh, my gosh. And I think about my 16-year-old niece and growing up in that generation where, again, it's like all that you're consuming on media is an illusion at this point, too. And so I, you know, even as a 39-year-old woman, I can look at social media and be like, okay, this is a highlight reel for people. Like this isn't real life,

but it still does something to my brain that makes me think I'm not doing enough and I don't look good enough. But then I think about a fragile 16 year old brain looking at that and what that's gonna do to them. And I just, I worry about the younger generation so much. I definitely worry about it. I don't even have kids yet, but do you have kids?

I don't. I just, I was joking downstairs that I'm one of just I was joking downstairs that I'm one of those dog moms that believes that my golden retrievers came out of my womb because they're my babies They're pretty much kids. All right, I treat my dogs like my kids. Oh, I'm I'm embarrassingly obsessed with my dog But I'm glad you understand but yeah, I'm it's it's scary to think about having children and it's it's it's a little I feel a little bit of hope because I see my best friends do it and they are raising some really incredible children. So I have a little bit of hope, but then, you know,

social media, man. Social media is ruthless. You look at the suicide rate in young teenage women, it's the highest it's ever been. It's ever been, yeah. And I mean, obvious reasons, social media. You're getting bullied 24 seven. I mean, again, I don't mean to keep bringing it back to me,

but I get bullied at this age of my life on social media and it does something to me. And I think it's even worse. Like some people are like, Oh, you have it on a much larger platform. So you have it coming from all angles. I'm so sorry. And I'm like, I actually find it tougher if it's people you know, or people you have to show up at school with as a kid, or you have a smaller community. I actually think that bullying might be a bit tougher

to take, because I'm just like, oh, these people don't know me, where, you know, young girls are bullying other young girls, and they know them, and they have to see them every day, and they're just, I always use the word fragile because it just feels like that's what it is. I mean, yeah, when you're that young, you think the world's ending. You really do.

You get bullied and then you gotta see them the next day in school. You really do. And that's all, I was thinking about this. A child has a temper tantrum if they drop their cookie, because that is truly the worst thing that's ever happened to them in their life. You know, like they haven't experienced real life yet. So to them, a cookie falling and them not being able to reach it is the worst thing that's ever happened to them in their life. You know, like they haven't experienced real life yet. So to them, a cookie falling and them not being able to reach

it is the worst thing that's ever happened. So they have temper tantrums. A 16 year old getting bullied at school. You haven't lived life yet. You don't know what else is out there and how like, this is nothing in the grand scheme of things, but that's all they know. And that's the worst thing that's ever happened to them. And that's terrible. Absolutely. So where does your bullying stem from? Is it from the bachelorette? Oh yes.

Oh yes. It was really bad. I, so I was not your typical bachelorette. I think a lot of times they have picked women who are usually girl, all lovely women. I'm friends with all of them, but like Girl Next Door, All American Sweetheart, and then I was this edgy Canadian who I came out of the limo and I made jokes

about having sex and like I have tattoos and it was, I think America, seeing a Canadian come in there and do that was like, who is this girl? And so I think producers use that like, okay, let's run with this. Let's have a different season. Let's change things up. And so they really sexualized me as the Bachelorette.

I was this sex positive, edgy person that I just talked about sex and I had sex. And it was so funny to me because I was just treating it like dating in normal real life. And then, you know, the show airs and I got shamed, like you wouldn't believe. Really? Wow.

Oh my gosh, death threats. People were Photoshopping me in dumpsters and saying that's where I should die. Holy crap. And like all like moms with Bible verses in their bios, just telling me that to shut my horror legs. Now looking back I can actually laugh and I was like, oh my god. But it was really like the start of experiencing bullying for me.

Dang. Yeah. And prior to that you never experienced something like that? I mean I did a little bit in high school. The girls in high school had to have a meeting once if I was going to come in the limo to the graduation party because they didn't know if they liked me at the time. Like that's as far as the bullying went for me.

But I've, you know, yeah, I didn't really feel severe bullying until I came off television. Yeah. So you were just talking about sex and you got bullied for that. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause I don't think that was typical.

Like, you know, I don't know if you know the bachelor show at all But they have what they call fantasy suites and everyone knows what happens at the fantasy suites But I just happened to talk about it. So people are like, oh, it's too far. I'm like You're watching a show where a one woman is dating 30 men. What's too far? Like where's the line here? What's the fantasy suites? I haven't seen that show. Oh, OK. It's where you go to like, you get to go. There's a mosquito flying around my face. Fantasy suites are when you get to a certain point in the show

where you're down to three men and you get overnight dates with each one of them off camera. Oh. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So you're having sex with three different guys. Well, you don't have to.

You don't have to if you're not feeling it. But it's there if you want to. Wow. Because what a test right there, right? It really is. I'm like, don't you got to test drive a car before you buy it? Yeah. Yeah.

Imagine marrying someone in the sex stocks. Well, that happens. I mean, there's versions out there and I'm I always say to him like, who cares? Who cares what somebody's preferences? You know what I mean? Like, if you decide to be a virgin, I'm going to him, like, who cares what somebody's preference is? You know what I mean? Like, if you decide to be a virgin, I'm going to celebrate you. If you decide you're gay, I'm going to celebrate you. If you decide you just want to like sleep around and have fun and you want to know what

it's like before you get married, I'm going to celebrate you. I just don't, I don't really, I don't have that big of a judgmental bone in my body for that. Okay. So what year was this? So that was back in 2015. So it was before the red pill movement really took off. Yes. So it wasn't even like the full extent.

No, it was 2015 bachelor and no 2014, 15 bachelor, 2015, 16, I was the bachelorette. Got it. And then, yeah, that's a long time ago. It is, cause now the Red Bull movement is ruthless. Ruthless. Like if you filmed during that, it would have been even worse, I think.

Oh, and there's certain things I watch back on my season where I'm like, that does not pass the sniff check anymore. Like you can't be doing that. It's been 10 years, so a lot changes. A lot, yeah, it's pretty crazy to watch. I've wanted to start a thing where I re-watch my season and record it and do a podcast and have like each guy from whatever date it was on the podcast. Oh, that's funny.

Yeah. And so I was kind of like digging into watching it and I haven't really watched it since. And I was like, oh. See where they're at 10 years later. Well, that and just to see what I was saying 10 years ago. Like, do you remember, if you were like, you know, doing podcasts 10 years ago, you wouldn't remember what you said. No, I barely remember any from my first year. Same.

And so it was, it's kind of freaky to watch back cause I'm like, oh, I'm kind of proud of her. Yeah. No, for real though. I'm at the point now where I've had on guests where I forgot about. Yeah. Yeah. 850 episodes. And when people ask you, who's your favorite guest?

You're like, uh. I never have a good answer. Yeah. There's so many. I know. I mean, it depends on the stage of life you're at and what you're going through. That's so true as well.

Yeah, like Jay Shetty I had on my podcast and that's probably like my top, in my top two for sure because I needed him at that time. Oh yeah. And Jay Shetty is a wise little man. You needed that monk mode advice. I really did, yeah. Get in touch with the spirit.

I did, yeah. You big on monk mode advice. I really did. Yeah. Get in touch with the spirit. I did, yeah. You big on psychedelics and spirituality? So I've never, I've, the one time I did mushrooms, it was, I shouldn't have done it. I was at a girlfriend's wedding, and I had already been drinking the whole night. And I took some that my friends were doing and the guy that was giving it to us was like this breath coach and he studied all these things so I was like

okay and all my girlfriends were like yeah he's like he's trustworthy and he was and I still talk to him to this day but I went and I forgot I had done it so I'm sitting at the bar and I'm like I'll have a rose and the rose comes in front of me and I forgot I had done it. So I'm sitting at the bar and I'm like, I'll have a rose and the rose comes in front of me and I was like, I'm gonna throw up. And I was like, no, I'm gonna cry. No, I'm gonna laugh. And then he looked at me and he was like, your mushrooms are kicking in.

And then I panicked because I was like, I forgot I took mushrooms. I don't like this feeling. And I started getting super anxious and I had to leave the whole party and go down to the water, just be by myself and like wait it out, I hated it. Wow.

But I'm a very spiritual person, so I love the idea of being like, I wanna do a trip and like visit my younger self. It's like, I love the idea of all that, but I'm like, I don't know. That sounds like a terrible setting by the way. It was awful. At a wedding, first of all,

I think you should do it around people you love. Yeah. At a wedding there's like 100 random people. Second of all, drinking on you should do it around people you love. Yes. And at a wedding there's like 100 random people. Second of all, drinking on it. Yeah. No. And I heard that you can't mix it with SSRIs. Oh, really?

Which I am on something for my anxiety. And I think it almost heightens what makes you anxious. Oh my gosh. Or at least that's what I experienced. And it was awful. Wow. Maybe you should try microdosing first. So that's what I think I would,

if I'm gonna try it again, I would do that. Do you microdose? I do. Yeah, I've heard wonderful things about it. Amazing things. I used to be on Xanax, I'm off it. See, that's, I don't, I only take Xanax in like major emergency.

But I take Selexa. I haven't heard of that. It's it's kind of like, I don't know what's Oh, Zoloft. Zoloft. It's kind of like what you know, in that category, but it's I'm just on a very small dosage. And I think I don't think it's good to do mushrooms. Yeah. On that, I feel that that's how I was with Xanax. I used to carry it in my pocket. Yeah, if I needed to take it, I would.

And did it help? Like sometimes it just helps knowing it's there. Yeah. Because once you have one panic attack, I think it really is helpful to just know that there's something there that can actually stop it because it's so terrifying. Yeah. Kicks in quick.

Yeah. I remember the first time I ever had a public speak somewhere, I was freaking out. Yeah. And it was only like 100 people, but it was my first time ever. So I'm on the roof of this house fully laid out. was freaking out. Yeah. And it was only like 100 people but it was my first time ever. So I'm on the roof of this house fully laid out. No freaking out. I had a pop is annex.

Yeah, full. Or I don't know what were you able to talk and like, that's the thing I didn't want to do it because I knew that would affect my talk. Yeah. And they ended up pushing my talk back to the next day. Oh, we'll see. And sometimes that does help even If i've if i'm feeling very anxious and overwhelmed and say I had to take as annex because I was freaking out I'm actually still better the next day just from I don't know if it like stays in your system or if it's mental The half life's probably crazy on it. Isn't that interesting that you like a hundred people in a room?

But then you have over 11 million followers on a platform. Like that's crazy, but you can't, they're not all sitting in front of you, right? You can't see it. I was the biggest introvert. I had agoraphobia. What is that? Fear of leaving your house. You did? Yeah. So as soon as I saw Grey's Anatomy episode on that. Oh really? Yeah. Wow. How did she overcome it? She did like a kidney transplant or a blood transfusion or something for a sick kid who needed it. So it like forced her.

Yeah, that fly loves you. I'm like, do I smell or something? Wow, I've never, it hasn't even approached me. I'm like offended. No, don't be, I'm offended. I am offending the smell in here or something. But yeah, so how did you get, come over it? The dog helped, I got a dog. That that helped cause it forced me to go on walks.

But my agoraphobia was so bad that if I walked a certain path, I would have a panic attack. So I had to walk the same exact path. I would leave my house, go right for one block, walk home. If I went left, I would collapse. I was 22. And was that your whole life or did it was like something? No, thank God. I thought it was going to be the way I was living it, but it was like a few months. I was dealing with a massive lawsuit that would have put me in bankruptcy while just having terrible mental health at the time. So that combined. Yeah, that'll do it.

Wreck me. Oh my gosh. And so the dog helped you get over that dog helped my fiance help. Yeah. And at a certain point I did therapy, but that didn't help. Maybe it was the wrong therapist. Was it just talk therapy? Talk therapy, but it was a guy. I think I should have gone with a girl. Yeah. Or more like.

I have a hypnosis appointment tomorrow. I've tried that. Hypnotherapy? Did it, no. I would say it worked. I've tried two of them out. Okay. And I've done past life therapy too.

Did that interest you? It did. That stuff's fascinating. It is fascinating. I've done that too. Did you, did that interest you? It did. Yeah. That stuff's fascinating. It is fascinating. I've done that too. Oh yeah? Yeah.

I'm really into that stuff that I had a past life regressor on my podcast. Oh nice. Yeah. And she said things where I was like, that's literally my reoccurring dream. Yeah. They say stuff that there's no way they would know.

Yeah. Like that you've never told anyone. Right. Right. Yeah. That's Right. Yeah. That's, yeah. That's how I feel. I'm like obsessed with like mediums and mind readers

and mentalists and past life readers. I just find that so interesting. I love that stuff. Yeah, me too. Yeah, I've done a few of those. I have a psychic that I pay just for consulting. Oh yeah. Same.

Wait, have you ever heard of O's Perlman? He's been on my show. Okay. I was going to say, cause he came on my podcast, I was gonna say you should have him on, but you already did. Oh my God, so before we started, he's like, think of the craziest name you've ever heard of.

Right? So I think of this wild name that you've never heard of. Her name's Darius Zor. Never. End of the episode, he says it on the podcast. I don't understand. It was crazy. Yeah, he guessed my bank pin code.

What? Yeah. No way. Yeah. I was like, I don't understand, but I like not understanding. It makes me feel like I'm a kid again because it's like the feeling of magic.

Right. Like you feel so young and you're like, oh, there's still things out there I don't understand. True. And it just feels like Christmas morning. Yeah, I don't want to understand mentalism because I feel like it could be used the wrong way. Well, and I also feel like it would ruin the magic for me.

It would. Yeah, because what if he's like, oh, I just went through your phone while you, like I have a software on my computer that just, I don't know. Oze is a beast though. Yeah. He said he talks shit during marathons.

I mean, he's a beast. He really is a beast. Yeah, he's won the New Jersey marathon, I think eight times. What? And he's not even the tallest runner. Like runners are supposed to be tall. Yeah, he is a runner, isn't he? But he said he'll pass the guy in first place, not even be breathing heavily and compliment him.

And he gets in his head. He uses mentalism during the race. Oh man, in another lifetime, in another lifetime I'll come back as a mentalist. Yeah, it'd be a cool skill to have. It'd be a really cool skill to have. What's your weirdest talent that you have? Are you, we're gonna be good at anything?

Rapping. Rapping? Don't make me do it though, but like I love- Like freestyling? No, I write my own raps though. Oh, okay. Yeah. Nice.

I feel like a lot of people probably wouldn't know that about me. I would never guess that. That's cool. Yeah, I used to, when I feel like a lot of people probably wouldn't know that. I would never guess that. That's cool. Yeah. I used to, when I went through a really hard time in my life where it's, it always sounds silly to say out loud, but heartbreak, like this one heartbreak that I had in my life was like

the hardest thing I've ever been through. But I started writing raps instead of, cause I got, this is going to sound like I'm just glossing over this casually, but I got addicted to Valium. Wow. And I knew I needed to get out of that. And so my friend had me sleep on his couch because I had nowhere to live.

And we just started writing raps and I loved it. No way. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. What a character arc that is. Yeah. It's very interesting. The rap music. Yeah. I used to get high and free a character arc that is. Yeah, it's very interesting. Rap music. I used to get high and hotbox a car and then freestyle.

Those are some of my best memories. Yeah. Just innocent. There's that fly. He just got you. Yes. Wow. I wonder if it's a spirit trying to get in contact. It is for sure. You think so? Yeah.

When I see random animals, sometimes I'm like, is that a loved one? Oh, that's part of going to this inner child work retreat I did was very, it was very spiritual, very, um, we did a lot of visualizations and I went to Hawaii after for two days and every like a turtle would come up to me. I'd be like, it's my ancestor. Like a whale like reached out of the water and I was like, I had a dream about a whale last night. Like I was like so connected to everything. It was amazing. Well, you mentioned dreams like have meanings earlier. I believe that.

Have you had dream experts on your podcast? I have. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I've had a couple. Plus I have a dream journal. You do?

I reflect on my dreams every night. And do they ever like, do you ever go back and be like, oh my gosh? Or like, what do you think dreams are? I think it's different for different people. Yeah. So my my fiance is like a psychic. She has spiritual powers. So her dreams are really scary because those events happen. Whoa. Whenever she has a crazy dream, I take it super serious. No kidding. Because I know there's a possibility it's gonna happen. It's happened almost every time. But my dreams aren't like that. Like, I've never had something happen like in the future in my dream. Mine are just like hidden meanings.

Mine are such a production. I will have a full choreographed theater presentation. Really? Yeah. It's crazy. But I always wonder. I saw one time on whatever it is, we were joking about this earlier, a meme that you see.

But it said, are we all just ignoring the fact that we close our eyes, go into a coma, hallucinate all night, and then just wake up and pretend that that never happened? Like, where did we just go? Like, are we entering another realm? Like, and we're all just like, dude, did you have a great sleep? I was like, crazy dreams. And no one talks about it. But it's wild. Wild. Yeah. But there's a lot of meanings. Like if you just remember parts of your dream and look it up on Google, it's spot on.

I have an actual book right beside my bed. Wow. I think it's like, I can't remember how many, but dream meanings. I do it all the time. I do the same thing. Like if I think about it, I'll make a voice note to myself of the dreams that I had.

And they're just, are yours really like detailed? Pretty much, yeah. Last night I had, whenever. Just, are yours really like detailed? Pretty much, yeah. Last night I had, whenever I travel, I have nightmares. Really? Because I pick up on the energy of the previous tenants or whatever. Yeah. So I'm pretty sensitive to that.

Like last night I had the classic one where I'm naked in school. Yep, classic. So I was like, all right, that sucks. Wait, that's so interesting that you pick up. Did you learn a lot of this from your fiance? From her and my psychic, yeah. Cause every time I'm in a hotel,

even a brand new five-star hotel, I'll have nightmares. I gotta start paying attention to that because I have the craziest dreams when I'm traveling. That's what I mean. You're picking up on the energies of all the previous people that are sleeping there. So you gotta cleanse the room. I just learned this.

I had on an Akashic Record Girl today. She sent me some sprays to buy, I'll send you them. Oh my gosh, I would love that. Yeah, you should use it on your podcast set too. Oh, that's such a good idea. I'm all about like, the other night I did a full moon ceremony and I like did all my crystals and the Zoom link that I was on

where I was attending this ceremony, she said to put this glass of water and I said all of my like hopes and dreams into this glass of water, put it outside in the full moon with all my crystals and then you drink the water in the morning. And I don't I don't know. I am like so connected to that. Not that I mean, you have a fiance, so you understand girl talk, but like my period will come around the moon.

It'll be like full moon and I'll be like, there it is. Like I'm so connected. And there have been certain times where I literally have just stared at the moon and had full conversations and those things come true. Whoa. Yeah. That's fascinating.

Yeah. Water holds memory they're finding out now too. See, well then that makes sense. I felt so crazy, but I was like, I don't care. I'm doing it. No, they've done studies on it now. Whoa, what is life? Where are we? Who are we? It's wow. The one study I've seen was people talk negatively to water and then water plants.

The plants die and then other studies talk positively to the water. The plants stay alive. I should just... Here's my lesson. I need to drink more water and speak positively to it. Yeah. You gotta drink the right and speak positively to it. Yeah. You gotta drink the right type of water, not tap water. Well, my whole house is on a filtered water system. Same. Yeah. Nice, reverse osmosis.

Yes. You know what's up. Yeah. This is my type of podcast right here. I wanna get more knowledgeable about this stuff just cause I'm just starting to like learn and care and like understand. Yeah, you got the shower filter too?

Yeah. Yeah, that's needed. Yeah. Man. Especially cause I'm even weird about the, like I used to just give my dogs boss water. Like you're not having that tap water and then I got on a filtered system, but yeah. No, tap water is killing dogs. I know. I totally believe that.

Like it's, I do way too much. One of my, the girl that I rescued the dogs from, she is very holistic and like knows everything about everything for dogs. And the amount of information she'll send me and I'll be like, well, just throw that out the window. Like it's, yeah, it's fascinating. I mean, they're living way less than normal.

One out of two of them is getting cancer now. I know. And I'm thinking about pulling mine out of like Banfield cause like I don't want any more vaccines going in them. Oh Banfield, yeah, no. I go to- I forget you don't live here. I was gonna give you mine.

I, my vet does a more holistic approach and it's really cool. I love that. Yeah, I want to go more holistic with them. Yeah. Cause they've got like 25 vaccines. 25? Yeah, over the years.

Yeah, for sure. Cause they give a few a year and it just adds up. Yeah, I don't even, yeah, I don't know what my, I should probably know more, but I'm like, I don't know how many vaccines, I know mine have had some. You and I have gotten more than 25. We have?

Yeah. Vaccines? We've gotten like 50. From what? Just over the years. You had to get them to go to school, participate in sports. Oh yeah, that's true, school. Yeah.

Now kids are on about a hundred. Isn't that crazy? Oh my God. Now I just have so many questions for you, but this is good. You're coming on my podcast tomorrow. Cause I'm going to ask. Yeah, yeah, we'll touch on it tomorrow.

Yeah. I'm like, I have questions for you. Cause I don't have answers to this. Kaylyn, it's been fun. Where can people find you? Oh gosh. So I have a podcast that comes out twice a week called Off the Vine, which you will be on. And I also my social media is at Caitlin Bristow on pretty much everything.

Perfect. And my wine label is at Spade and Sparrows. And you can. Oh, my gosh. Yes, it's so I I'm like I grew up. My mom drank wine with every meal and she really like enjoyed pairing it with food. So then I got into the restaurant business and I was in that for 11 years and I worked under a sommelier and then I got into a management position where I had to train servers on wine knowledge. So I fell in love with like the history of wine and how it's made and where it comes from and all these things that come along with wine and then so creating my own wine label,

this is truly the only wine that I drink because I enjoy it so much. Yeah. So, spay the surprise. 9.30 is a bit early, but I'll drink it for you. Yeah, thank you. I got you. We'll just give you a little glass.

Thank you for having me. I really appreciate your time. Yeah, that was fun. Thanks for watching, guys. As always, we'll link her stuff below. Check her out. See you next time.