Digital Social Hour - I Beat 3,000 to This Role: My Unexpected Journey | Ginjer Wulff DSH #750

Episode Date: September 23, 2024

🎬 I Beat 3,000 to This Role: My Unexpected Journey 🚀 Dive into an inspiring episode of the Digital Social Hour with Sean Kelly, where we unravel an incredible true story of resilience and triumph! 🌟 Join our guest as they share their unexpected journey from facing 3,000 audition competitors to landing a coveted role, all while navigating personal challenges and embracing opportunities. Tune in now to discover how this journey of perseverance led to a flourishing career in TV and film, and learn valuable insights about the entertainment industry and life itself. 💡 Packed with stories of overcoming adversity, you'll hear about navigating auditions, breaking into acting, and the transformative power of second chances. Watch now and subscribe for more insider secrets. 📺 Hit that subscribe button and stay tuned for more eye-opening stories on the Digital Social Hour with Sean Kelly! 🚀 Don't miss out on this authentic and engaging conversation that's sure to inspire and motivate. Join the conversation and be part of our community today! 🎙️ CHAPTERS: 00:00 - Intro 00:50 - Acting Journey 05:00 - Today's Sponsors 06:40 - Accuracy of Orange is the New Black 08:20 - Prison Experience 09:37 - First Days in Prison 10:43 - Prison Economy 15:29 - Prison Escapes 17:18 - Bare Knuckle Fighting 19:58 - Getting on Intervention 22:20 - Journey to Sobriety 23:50 - Childhood Background 25:57 - Tattoo Meaning 26:26 - Contagious Energy 27:10 - Ian Biggs Show 28:59 - Survivor Guilt 32:37 - Helping Others 33:56 - Future Plans 34:50 - Overcoming Self-Doubt 36:16 - Outro APPLY TO BE ON THE PODCAST: https://www.digitalsocialhour.com/application BUSINESS INQUIRIES/SPONSORS: [e-mail] GUEST: Ginjer Wulff SPONSORS: LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/social Deposyt Payment Processing: https://www.deposyt.com/seankelly LISTEN ON: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/digital-social-hour/id1676846015 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5Jn7LXarRlI8Hc0GtTn759 Sean Kelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seanmikekelly/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

They said over 3,000 people auditioned for that job and they only picked like five primaries. And I was like, in the middle of the interview or the audition, I was like, Trump grabbed the pussy and that's the American dream. I was supposed to be on the ramp and I was like, oh my God, why is my autism kicking in at the worst moment ever? All right, guys. Got Ginger Wolf here. Man, you were taller than I thought.

How tall are you? 5'8"? 5'10"? Damn. Yeah. 5'10". You're one of the tallest girls I've ever met, I think. The last girl was pretty tall.

She wasn't 5'10", though. You got tall parents, huh? Yeah, my dad's tall. My mom's kind of short. My mom's like 5'4". Whoa. But my dad's like 6'2". Oh, that's not even that tall.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Maybe your great-grandfather was like a giant. Maybe. 7'4". Damn, what's new with you, though? Not a whole lot. You know, I'm out here for this. I'm doing a lot of different projects right now.

I've got, you know, four projects that I'm working on within the next 30 days. I'm pretty excited about those. Damn. Yeah, yeah. TV and film is kind of picking up for me. Okay. So it's exciting. The first one is called Attractive People Can't Be

Funny and my friend actually wrote and produced it. So I'm very excited about that. I'm on two seasons of that. Is that a comedy? Yeah, it's going to be a comedy. A lot of well, you'll see. You'll see when it comes out. I don't want to give away too much. Can't spoil it, right? Yeah, yeah. There's another one

that's going to be 10, basically signed on for 10 episodes. We're going to pitch it to Netflix and it'll essentially be on one of those platforms, whoever buys it. But I am a radio personality who is friends with a woman

who's very affluent and is like a big CEO businesswoman who's having an illicit affair and it's kind of like falling, making her life kind of fall apart. So I'm a good supporting role for that. Really excited about kind of the direction of all of this. That's exciting. And then I'm actually on another film, a feature film.

It's called Our Voices Cry that's based on a true story about a mother that ends up homeless with mental health and addiction issues. How did you get all these acting gigs? I heard it was a tough space. So New Orleans has a lot of opportunity right now. And I kind of fell into TV and film. I did a little bit of modeling in Charleston for the eight months that I was out there. And then when I came into New Orleans, I was actually at the gym with my son and somebody saw us playing racquetball and started a conversation, asked if we had done any TV and film work.

And I said, no. They told me where to sign up. I signed up online and less than a week later, I was on a show called Sacrifice on BET. Wow. So I did three episodes of that. And this is all like background, right? Starting out. And it was amazing for me because it was a great way to segue into, is this the job for me?

Because a lot of people don't understand the work days that come they're long right yeah and like i get a call the day before sometimes can you come to set sometimes day of i got i worked on um five nights at freddy's and got booked the day you were in that again background okay but i got booked for that and like the day of i had to literally leave what i was doing and go straight to set that was a good movie i watched that one yeah it was cool you could see my back in like seven minutes in. I was like, oh, look, there's me. See my little

hair clip? I would count that. I did. I did. I was in, I was on the, oh, what is it? Amy Schumer and Michael Cera on Hulu. It's like Life of Beth. Life and Beth. Life of Beth. I was on the New Orleans episode. I'm not a Hulu guy, so I haven't heard that one. I was on Parish with Giancarlo Esposito.

And again, these are all background. Still though. Yeah, I did all these jobs within like six months. My first job that I auditioned for as a principal was a Super Bowl role. Damn. It was the He Gets Us campaign. I'd never auditioned for anything. And there's something called EcoCast now, which is where you like slate and do your whole audition alone in your home and you send it in to your you know casting director

and they choose you or they don't but like i'm a personality and like an interpersonal relationships type person so it kind of kills it for me but this was the only job i had ever actually auditioned for at that point and it was the only one that they said they had had since COVID that was in person. They said over 3000 people auditioned for that job. And they only picked like five primaries. And I was like, Oh my God, 3000 people. Yeah, it was funny. Cause like in the middle of the interview or the audition, I was like, Trump grabbed the pussy and that's the American dream because I was supposed to be on a rant. Like, and I was like, Oh my God, why is my autism kicking in at the worst moment ever? I was so embarrassed.

It took me three weeks to tell me I booked the job, so I thought I didn't get booked. So I was like beating myself. I cried in my car in the way. I was like, why would you say that? It's like a public service announcement. Why would you say that? And like the other voices, because I got a bunch of personalities in here, right?

So they kind of duke it out. And the other one was basically saying, bro, they said they wanted to rant. When people rant, they don't know what they want. And they say stuff that makes no sense. You did the job. Like you did what you were supposed to do. But it's just interesting.

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My time, waste of their time. Those are the jobs I book and they've been pretty big jobs. Wow, reverse psychology. Yeah, it's really interesting. We gotta get you an Orange is the New Black. Dude, that would have been the best show for me because my prison experience was literally Orange is the New Black.

You would have been able to tell them how it really was like yeah you know i mean yeah how accurate was that show you think did you watch it yeah oh yeah i was obsessed with that show i started watching it like right when i came out and did you feel like it was pretty good representation for sure yeah i went i was in florida i was at lowell correctional so it's like the largest women's prison in the country and the most notorious for like violence against inmates from staff um like all and violent i use the term violence loosely right like sexual assault harassment you know physical violence uh mysterious deaths things like that were kind of like commonplace jeez you witnessed some like weird deaths take place so i didn't witness any deaths there were

a couple that happened while i was there and then there was one where a girl was beat on the way to confinement. Holy crap. By other girls or by the prisoner guards? Yeah. Other guards? Yeah. When I got out, we did something with the Miami Herald, Julie Brown. She did the Epstein expose too.

Before, they did the documentary. But she did a lot of prison work. And 13 of us kind of came forward and were telling our story to her and then afterwards we were all approached and we kind of did a lawsuit and then the lawsuit triggered the department of justice to launch an investigation into the prison and within like a year of them doing the investigation they released like a 35 or 36 page report that said that essentially all the claims that we had made were true, that it was commonplace, the things that we were talking about that were going on, sexual abuse, assault, you know, basically deprivation of human rights. It was just like commonplace at all,

and that the officers that wanted to help were in danger, and that most of the inmates were in danger. And if they weren't in danger from like physical threat the mold the rats the lack of medical care and the medical care that was accessible was not adequate you know yeah all of that was just a big melting pot for just a lot of issues you had mold in yourself well yeah i wasn't in a cell most of the time um i was only in a cell for maybe six months i was in an open bay dorm with like 80 other women. Yeah. Holy crap. Mice. So it's just an open room with 80 other women there.

Yeah. And that was my first jail experience. Um, I was sentenced from bond, so I didn't do any jail time. I was sentenced on Tuesday and I was in prison Thursday night and I was detoxing cause I was hooked on oxys at the time. Um, I was on like a thousand milligrams of oxy.

I was trying to kill myself cause I, while I was on bond, I was on bond for two years and like the guilt over what I had done and then not being able to really take accountability for it, like socially, you know what I mean? It just ate away at me. Right. So by the time I, I knew I was already going to prison, my brother was in prison at the time or had just come home, I think actually. So like I knew the reality of my situation. And I just was like, it would be just easier to die. I'm not going to survive prison. And then I had a totally different experience from what I anticipated having going in.

You only had two days before you went. Yeah. And I detoxed. I went through withdrawal. I'm getting a kidney and liver failure. You could die from that, right? Yeah. I went into kidney and liver failure.

I couldn't hold anything down i was just so sick and they probably couldn't even help you that much in there right no they had to send me to like outside medical they black box me because i hadn't even been classified what's a black box so it's where they chain you and shackle you and then they put a box over it holy shit yeah you're not going anywhere what yeah i was chained to the bed i was in the hospital for three days with a central line through my leg oh my god yeah because they couldn't get a stick on me i looked it was horrible i looked as i was all junkied up you know had track marks it looked it looked bad damn um but i got through that experience and then just kind of had to figure out

what the basic operations looked like within the prison system. I'm pretty good at working my way into whatever social circle I want to. So it was pretty easy for me to pick up pretty quickly on most things. I did do some stupid stuff, but it was all funny, trivial, stupid stuff you saw in Orange is the New Black. Was there a hierarchy system in there? Not in the way that the men have. There was no cars or gangs that I really saw. I don't know if it's because of the location or just because of the women,

but the women are more like pseudo families where we try to rely on each other because a lot of times the women go in and they don't have much of a support system and they end up getting pen pals or you know they try to hustle while they're in there and i did a combination of both to be able to survive oh to sell stuff for money yeah yeah cigarettes you know makeup perfume or like you like if you don't want to do contraband then you can do like a hustle where you sew and technically it's contraband but like it's not a big deal to have stuff like that because there are programs within the prison where you can acquire those things versus like you can't buy free world makeup and you can't buy perfume and like stuff like that off commissary or cigarettes towards

the end beginning when i went to prison you could get cigarettes and then like i don't know maybe a year into my sentence they removed them from the compound so like one one box of cigarettes was worth like 400 bucks holy shit so the math on it right because i didn't smoke so it made a lot of sense to me so i was like well if i can bring in a carton and i have a person that holds it and a person that helps bring it in i walk it through then that's 400 bucks for each pack like a carton's got what 10 10 packs of cigarettes in it so like between the three of us, we make $4,000 if you don't smoke it, you're a prophet. It got to the point where it was like ridiculous.

That's big money. Yeah, it was good. It was good. And like I kind of fucked up because I was undercutting people that were like lifers. And I was a short timer, only had three years. And I had like a year and a half left in my sentence when I was doing this. So basically people started to hate me because I could give you a better deal. Like if you and I were friends and you wanted a pack of cigarettes, I say, hey, you send me 75 bucks on my books right now.

I'll give you $75 worth of canteen for one pack, 75 bucks on my books. Now I'm going to give you one pack now. And then when they basically front you you a pack and then when the money drops for the other i'll give you a second pack and then you run the canteen got it so and then they everybody ate it worked out great yeah you were spotting people yeah yeah it worked out great for everybody i mean but then the lifers got upset at you yeah because they were selling it too yeah somebody told on me so you got in a fight no we didn't no i fought but it wasn't over that it was i had two fights in prison that were one was i was halfway through my time and i was just kind of starting to lose it yeah and the girl was just dumb and kept kind of kept on and uh

the second time she owed me 300 bucks a different girl owe me 300 and i was actually getting called to move to the main unit like while I was trying to handle it. But it was more like principal. It was never about the money. She just kept lying, saying the money. It was like, bro, there's no money. The way she was able to get away with it for a couple weeks was because my account had been frozen. Because when I went to confinement, because I was told on, right?

I got put under investigation. I was in confinement for like 47 days or something. Holy shit. They never let me out, Not once other than shower. Yeah. Like you're going crazy. I mean, you get used to it. I can adjust really is I'm like a cockroach,

buddy. I'm going to survive in whatever environment you put me in. Right. So like, um, definitely wasn't fun, but like you, you just learn how to,

how to handle it. But, uh, that was my second time in confinement. But, uh, basically when I came out, you know, like things were just different than what they were before. And I could not access my money because I had so much money on my account already. I couldn't tell.

They froze my account to where I couldn't buy anything for three months. So I had to send other people money in order to get basic things for myself because they wouldn't allow me to shop commissary. So it became like a real big process just to acquire things. Right. But I couldn't check my account. It just kept saying zero, or I kept saying a hundred dollars, but it wouldn't let me spend because I had, if you have over a hundred dollars in your account, which I had like a few thousand dollars in my account at the time, every time you swipe your card, it's just going to say a hundred and or like if you if you

have let's say i have three thousand in my account but i spent 50 that week if your maximum spend for the week is a hundred it's only going to read 50 because it's only going to show you what you have for the week interesting does that make sense you could only spend 100 a week yeah okay and they would just sell you snacks and stuff yeah de. Deodorant, you know, like personal hygiene items. Okay. Stuff like that. Wow. So we could never get anything like good.

We couldn't even get solid deodorant, bro. No, I saw the show. I forget what it's called on Netflix, but even the snacks I wouldn't eat. Yeah. Yeah. It's all stuff like high salt. They're trying to kill you quick, make you fat and slow so you can't escape. I mean, it's a good business plan, right?

For real. They definitely profit off that stuff, too. Yeah, they charge you a lot for those snacks. Yeah, for sure. Anyone try to escape when you were there? Not legitimately that I knew of. Okay. There were a couple times where they couldn't count and they would lose people.

Yeah. And you'd find someone would be on the main unit or someone would be in the wrong dorm or whatever. Hooking up with a guard. Yeah, with a guard or with a girlfriend. Yeah. That was common, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Both of those were very common. Yeah. That happens in men's jails too. Yeah, for sure. I wonder if they still have male guards in women prisons these days. Oh, yeah. It's predominantly male. Really?

Yeah. You think they would have separated by now? No. They don't have the staff now to run a facility the way it's supposed to be run. Never mind you remove all the men from at least contact jobs with women. There were even times in confinement where they had men in there and men

couldn't do certain things because they need women to shower us and stuff like that. You know what I mean? When they walk you to the shower. They had to shower you? Well, they don't wash you. They walk you to the shower. You know what I mean? Because you're cuffed. If you're in confinement, so anytime you leave confinement, you're cuffed up.

And the only time you leave, really, or I ever left was for one appointment and then to shower. That's crazy. If I had reasons to take your shower, too. God damn. So you're just smelling yourself in the room. Yeah, it's not funny. You take a bath on the toilet. You and your cup and your bar of soap did you have books at least or anything no

why they took all your all my property they would give you a bible if they weren't mad at you oh my god property dude the first time they put me in confinement they gave me any of my stuff because i was under ac confinement so it's ac investigation so i went in with whatever i had on and i was like that for like a week holy shit, I went out to court and then when I came back, I had to petition basically to get to property request to get my stuff. I feel like that would mess you up in court mentally. I don't know if that's fair.

I mean, if you're in solitary for like a week or a month before court. Yeah. Because you're not even talking to your lawyer at that point. Yeah, I didn't really have any communication with my lawyer at that point anyway because I was already in prison for the one thing so i was going back to my county for something different that wasn't yeah reflexes some people

have not made that safe here before you might have to fight and bare knuckle fighting with that reflex oh my god they don't want me not because i'm good just because i'm bad yeah i actually uh this morning i went and trade with trading with um christine feria and otis hold on pimpleton i think is his last name what a name right it's it's a solid name bro but he is a good shit talker and he was really an amazing person to work with because like i tell everybody i'm like a bunny right like i'm soft and i hop around a lot but like i don't really want any smoke from anybody i just don't want you to want smoke for me i want to be able to get away right yeah so i was like like i'm

basically just in here to try to work out and like feel good about like gaining strength gaining confidence and feeling like i'm pushing my body to limits because like if i don't have growth i die emotionally um but he was really great with like watching my breathing watching like my footwork and my body movements making sure i was in the right position because i like to like get excited and i get tired and i just want to hit something it's like no listen you need to do it right so it was a great experience i actually really hope you get christ Faria on your show. I'd love that. She's a really awesome human being,

and her partner, Jules, they're a great team. They have so much to offer for not only from a BKFC, like a fight entertainment standpoint, but life perspective. I would love to tell their story for them, but I would do it no justice, so you have to bring them on. I'll definitely reach out. I'd love love that learning a fighting style is on my bucket list it's important to have that you haven't done anything like that no i did karate when i was

a kid but that's not even fighting i mean yeah i get it it's just like it's just a discipline yeah i can't remember anything i learned from that bro you should go down to the mayweather box i'm down no i heard it helps with confidence so dude i I love it. I absolutely love the hit mitts. And I tell people, like, I'm old. I'm 37. Like, I've never had a public fight. I had some prison fights, but I don't think they let us count that. You know, so it's like if I ever got out there, it would be because I had the time and the ability to, like, really dedicate myself to training, you know, consistently, which I haven't been able to do, I feel like every time I turn around, I'm in a different city or a different state. Yeah. You're traveling a lot. A different project. Yeah. I actually come home for one day and then I

go to Destin to look at a property to buy. And then I leave from there to go to Orlando for another podcast. And then I come back and then I fly to Miami. Holy crap. Yeah. So yeah. And then I'm in town for like three weeks for filming and then i'm in cancun for a week that sounds fun good old cancun um you were on the show intervention yeah i remember that show yeah it's interesting the people that watch that show are always like people whose family was affected or like people who want help and usually don't have access to it yeah um and that was kind of what it was for me it was like like, dude, I'm going to die. I'm going to kill myself in my backyard

if I cannot stop doing what I was doing. You know what I mean? I came home from prison. I was an addict when I went in. I got off the drugs while I was in. And I came home from prison to the same scenario, the same situation. And I didn't really have a plan

or any real hope that things would change because I hadn't worked through any of the trauma or done any of the stuff that I needed to do to be able to heal, to leave that life behind. And like the people in my community and family were so enmeshed in it, it was just easier to pick it up and to continue with it than it was to like move away from it. So after I had relapsed, I was like, dude, I just can't live like this. And I basically had asked God like, hey, if you can get me treatment, I will do whatever they tell me to do. Otherwise, I'm going to kill myself, and I set a date. And it was interesting because intervention came the week that I was going to kill myself

after my niece's birthday and before Christmas because my niece's birthday is December 16th. And I didn't want her birthday to be ruined by it, but I didn't want to do another Christmas not sober. So my intervention date was December 16 of 2015. So that Bible in prison really helped on. Not really. I definitely have. I had a lot of resentment towards God when I came in.

And I'm very grateful for my experience in the sobriety community with 12 step because those people showed up for me and they allowed me to show up authentically in a way that I had never shown up in public before. And it'd be vulnerable and to be able to have hard conversations with other people and it'd be accountable to myself and to other people. And to be able to say like, God didn't do this to me. Like I actively participated in all that might, maybe it may have been trauma responses or whatever, but the end of the day, I have to look at what did I do to put myself in these positions and like, how have I hurt other people in the ways that I have been hurt by people? Cause otherwise I never let go. You know

what I mean? For sure. Yeah. And I know you had trauma from growing up, right? Yeah. Parental stuff. Yeah, yeah. My mom and dad had some trauma that they never really worked through. And I think they didn't have a solid life plan. And life happens the way it happens. And if you don't have the resources and the ability to be able to cope with that, then I think the consequences of it trickle down to your family. For sure.

No, absolutely. I definitely feel like they just didn't know what to do with me. Were you the only child? I wasn't. I had two brothers. And that was kind of part of my trauma was like, I never really fit in the way they did. They were a lot older than me. They were six and seven years older than me. And like, as I was like the smart kid, I like to go to the library. I liked books. I was really like artistic. I still am to this day.

Music and anything art derived and plays and theater and like all those things, right? All the things that creative people like. And nobody else in my family was like that other than my grandmother. So I felt grossly misunderstood by the people I lived with. And then as I got older, we moved away from like the friends that I had. So I didn't really have anybody. And like the family system kind of became more toxic at that point. So I became like it became acceptable for me to be like the scapegoat and for like my family to essentially bully me like at the home and in public it wasn't like

like i think they thought well it's just we're just teasing you you're fat so what like okay that's interesting because like i look back at pictures right and i really wasn't fat i wasn't fit but nobody else in the family was either it wasn't like everyone else was going to crossfit and i was going to burger king you know what i mean like we'll throw up some pics yeah people can judge in the comments yeah right fat is relative but there's definitely a certain level where you're fat like yeah for sure yeah there's obesity and then there's like hey i need to tone up and get control of my body and that was kind of what boxing gave me boxing gave me the ability again to after i got sober hey i'm accountable i also have like chronic pain um and i think a lot of it is from you know car accidents and stuff over the years and not being treated because we didn't have

medical insurance growing up. So like for the past seven, eight years, I've done a lot of like physical work to release that trauma and try to reset my body. And I really attribute like boxing and doing circus arts, like aerial silks and Lyra and pole and stuff like that as like a good emotional and physical healing platform for me wow circus arts yeah they're actually really awesome a lot of fun yeah i actually have a mount for my silks and my lira in my living room oh damn i bought the house i bought that's cool yeah i'd love to see that i went to circus dole and i was very impressed with that stuff i actually think i'm gonna go tonight yeah yeah oh that'd be cool i was looking at him yesterday oh yeah which show uh it's the one with the water i saw that one yeah oh appalachia yeah

yeah that one was cool oh my gosh some of those dives i couldn't look it's so scary dude i love that they're like 50 feet up and they're diving into like they probably have like maybe a foot of error right right it's very precise yeah yeah like they could literally die if they miss it by a foot yeah it's a big deal crazy yeah i'm actually looking forward i think i'm gonna move um from the destined place or from my place outside of new orleans to the place of destined just to like i kind of want to get grounded with my roots again i've been going through a lot lately there's been a lot of like flux and change the past year and a lot of growth yeah and like because i got sober and destined and i'm so connected and destined anytime where like something's going on in my life i go there

absolutely so it's it's it's nice to be able to like reconnect with that space physically mentally and spiritually um because it's like my grounding almost yeah did you get that tattoo in prison i did actually what does it say on there so it's my oldest son's name oh nice so it actually looked better when um she did it i got it touched up when i came home and i should just left it alone her pick and poke was way better what the guy i paid to do yeah yeah it didn't hurt um it's i remember having like one or two tears leak out and being like oh like i was trying to tough she's like bro you're pretty tough this is not like an easy thing. But after a while, it just numbs. I feel that.

Could you center up? Oh, yeah, sorry. I move around a lot like a squirrel. I love the energy. I'm all about high energy. I surround myself with high energy people, actually. I mean, I feel like energy is definitely something that's passed between two people. So if I don't coincide with your energy and I can't like match it in a productive way,

then it usually impedes whatever progress we're trying to make. Easily. No, when you're around low energy, low vibrational people, it rubs off on you. Yeah. And other way around for sure. Yeah. I mean, look at how you grew up, that environment, it kind of affected you, but now you're killing it with, I'm sure you surround yourself with better people.

Yeah. And I'd be honest, that was such a big part of my growth right um and being able again to like so podcasting right this is a good way to tie that in i felt like when ian bick invited me to come on his show sorry i might cry um he was basically giving me permission to tell my story right like i had never really had that outside of the attorney wanting to know what happened. He didn't want to know from a human standpoint. He wanted to know from like a dollar and a like liability standpoint. Like how accountable are these people for what happened to you and all these other women in prison?

So I felt like it gave me an opportunity to just get this thing that was like, I don't talk about the show a lot on my social media. I will allude to the fact that a show saved my life, right? But I don't refer to the name of it, thank you so much, just because it's so foreign to me when people want to look it up. It's like, bro, I'm telling you, I was going going to kill myself why would you want to go watch that for entertainment right right um and then too like it's one thing for me to sit here and tell you to your face like as a person who's on a healing journey and who doesn't physically represent what that lifestyle was now um it's different for you to watch it right for me to tell you about it is one thing you'd be like yeah you say that could have been that bad or whatever versus to like have a

camera in your face and to be told to do because like reality tv isn't reality tv it is there's a touch of reality to it but a lot of situations are presented to show a certain side of whatever that lifestyle looks like or to evoke a response from the viewer right right because your show is only only as good as the people that are connected to it right so um i felt like when i was able to go on ian's show and tell my whole story from like start to finish i had some backlash backlash, but a lot of the people, like I get people literally every day, two, three times a day on all different platforms reaching out to say that they enjoyed it. They related to it. They felt comfortable to either seek out some type of treatment, to seek out help for something

emotional, physical, or like some type of abuse. They share their, some of their trauma with me and how they feel that now they can maybe make an impact. Because like, I guess my biggest thing with podcasting, it doesn't bring me any money, but like, dude, it brings me so much like fulfillment because I feel like I have purpose, right? Like there's, if somebody else sees value in my story, in my experience, right?

Then maybe there was a reason why I had to walk through the things that I walked through and why I'm around. I have like some survivor guilt because a lot of my friends are dead. A lot of my friends. For a while, I had to like stop going on Facebook because like a lot of my friends that were on oxys when fentanyl became a thing when oxys were starting to segue out in florida in like 2011 2012 2013 yeah they're shutting all the pill mills down

you had all these addicts who had no resources you know because they were surviving off of the pills they were selling and then doing whatever profit they didn't need. You know what I mean? So you had this huge epidemic and no like way to care for it as a society. And society tends to say, well, it's not our problem. It's your problem when like the pharmacies are getting robbed. And it's a problem when like hospitals are overcrowded because you have people dying and detoxing. And it's a problem when fentanyl comes into your town and affects your kid because people are loosey goosey with it or like it's being put into everything to get a,

create a consistent buyer. You know what I mean? So I don't know. I, um, I guess I feel like there is a reason why I was saved, right? I don't feel like my cry to God was any louder or any more important than anybody else's, right? But I showed up and I did the work and like I try to keep myself accountable now, even though I'm not like in 12 step community like I used to be and things like that. I still want to give it credit and I still want to see other people like break whatever it is that is holding them down because why wouldn't I want everybody to be their best? They're like, we can all win, right? Everybody can be the best version of themselves.

And like, I feel like with podcasting, I can share my message and you can share a message to people that like, because I'm on, you might get viewers that didn't know you. And like you have a huge platform. So all the people have never heard of me now have some type of like reference for essentially like what it was like, what it's like to walk through something like that and be able to make it. So if they have someone in their family, it's like, hey, if this person could like, I can do it. Anybody can do it, bro. Yeah. Does it make sense?

No, it does. It's a long-winded way to say it. I get that too though. Almost every day like a message or someone in person will stop me and say I've changed their life for the better. And it's just such a great feeling. Yeah. To me, it's worth so much more than any job that pays could ever give me. Yeah.

It's so fulfilling. Yeah. It's so fulfilling. Yeah. Whether it's like having on someone like you or maybe someone that helps with finances or mindset, health in general, there's so many ways you could help people and podcasting such a great platform. Just share that message to as many people as possible. For sure. Yeah.

That's how I found you on Ian Bickshaw. Oh, was it? I thought you found me on Hopeaholics. Honestly, it might've been both. Cause I remember they came on, they were on your,

your show chat. Those guys are been both. Because I remember they came on. They were on your show, Chad. Yeah, those guys are great, too. I really liked them. I had a really good experience on that show. Both their stories are insane. Similar to you. Yeah. They were both addicts, right?

Yeah. Yeah. So it's cool to see that you can overcome that. Addict, alcoholic, yeah. Crush it. Wow. Yeah, it's like a form of therapy, too, right? For sure.

Being able to talk about it. For sure. And I think COVID kind of changed the community a little bit because like meetings weren't in person. And like, for me, it's just like in-person podcasts and like in-person meeting, like the magic happens when two people sit down and get together, right? Versus like anybody can sit on a computer screen. And like, I just feel like it just feels different. You know what I mean? It's great if that's all you have, like show up in whatever capacity you can. But for me, my emotional change came from physically being in the presence of other

people who were doing the deal. I was surrounding myself with people that were who I wanted to be, you know, who could, could, you know, essentially elevate my life. Because if you're not elevating me, then I'm stagnant or I'm regressing and both are death for me no i'm the same way i only do stuff in person that's why i travel the world and spend thousands to film in other cities because it's just not the same over zoom yeah and i'm willing to invest in the podcast for uh if it's a good message um what you got going on next um basically just the projects that we talked about i mean i going to leave here today. I'll probably go train again and go home. Damn, two a day out here?

110 degrees outside. Yeah, I was inside in the AC, though. I kind of got to get in where I fit in because I travel a lot, too. Like I said, I've got a really stacked next three weeks, and then I roll right into filming. Got it. I'll get you on some shows. I really love your message.

You're saving lives. I hope so, man, because I'll be honest, every time I come on to a podcast, I was just telling Bridger, sorry, I'm going to cry again. Every time I come on a podcast, especially something like this, where I'm like, bro, all these people

are super successful. All these people have big companies. What do I have to offer these people other than I used to be a horrible human being and now I'm not yet. You know what I mean? Like, um, so I guess I kind of struggle with like my own self image and I feel like I'm, it constantly propels me to do more right. To be able to like, say you know like again i was saved for a reason and like if it takes me 15 podcasts a week to help you know one person you know and i mean like i'm willing to make that investment because there were people that made that investment in me whether it was ian bick or you or the hopaholics or the people that were in the rooms of AA and the people

that were at the treatment center, I'm all, I'm still very close with all the people that like work to the treatment center that I got sober at. Yeah. Like they're a huge part of my life to this day. And I think they always will be because like, they just were there for me when like,

I was just going through the hardest time in my life. Yeah. I wouldn't doubt yourself. I would just focus on your message. Like it's not going to be like making people millions, but it's going to be a different lane. You know, I wouldn't compare yourself to like these smart CEOs or anything. Just find your lane and stick with that. I think you have a really powerful message. I really appreciate that. I just hope that like people get something from it and that this isn't that I don't ever want to go on someone's show and be like, well, that was a waste of time.

You know, like nobody related to her.'s weird she can't shut up no you'll see you'll get messages from this you're probably gonna save at least 10 lives if i had to guess and that's just people admitting it to you over message it's probably gonna be more indirectly yeah it's really powerful thanks so much for coming on thank you so much for having me i really appreciate it we'll link your stuff below if you guys want to reach out to her with any of your issues please message her otherwise see you tomorrow.