Digital Social Hour - Losing Triplets, Reframing Mindset & Importance of Fatherhood I Johnny Sirpilla DSH #374

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

Johnny Sirpilla comes on the show to talk about fatherhood and reframing mindset. APPLY TO BE ON THE PODCAST: https://forms.gle/qXvENTeurx7Xn8Ci9 BUSINESS INQUIRIES/SPONSORS: [e-mail] SPONSORS: Opus Pro: https://www.opus.pro/?via=DSH Deposyt Payment Processing: https://www.deposyt.com/seankelly LISTEN ON: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/digital-social-hour/id1676846015 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5Jn7LXarRlI8Hc0GtTn759 Sean Kelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seanmikekelly/ Digital Social Hour works with participants in sponsored media and stays compliant with Federal Communications Commission (FCC) regulations regarding sponsored media. #ad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do we have to have more? I started finding a peace that applies to so many things in life. We don't always have to be going for more and more and more, and that's the way I'm wired. So that's really hard for me, of all people, to say that

because it's really countercultural to my personality. And there's so many beautiful things that happen after that. Right. to that. Wherever you guys are watching this show, I would truly appreciate it if you follow or subscribe. It helps a lot with the algorithm. It helps us get bigger and better guests, and it helps us grow the team.

Truly means a lot. Thank you guys for supporting, and here's the episode. All right, guys. We got Johnny Serpella here today, all the way from Florida. Thank you for flying in, brother. Thanks for having me, Sean. You've got such an inspirational story, man, about trauma, about the adoption process. So I can't wait to dive into it. I appreciate you having me here today. Yeah. You got really powerful message.

I don't even know where to start, but I guess the incident, if we could start from there and then go from there 30 years ago. Absolutely. So, you know, my wife and I kind of had it all at the time. We had great careers going in our twentiess. We were incredibly happy, deeply in love, and came to have a family. And we just thought that would be like any other goal in our lives. You just achieve it. And that didn't happen. So after years of trying, we became pregnant and very pregnant with triplets. And my wife kept working, she powered on. And we were just really hopeful. We were so excited. It was really like winning the lottery is the best news we could have imagined. And we had two sons and a daughter, Nicholas, Mary and Peter, and they

passed away shortly after they were born. And our lives changed dramatically. That is crazy. And was it like a medical reasoning? What exactly happened? It was prematurity and with multiples that often can happen. And, you know, we just got to the point where, um, the time that they were alive somehow, some way, I mean, I think God put it on us that, you know, this is what we're going to have. And from the time they were born, we were the happiest people in that hospital. We knew the outcome wasn't going to be good, but we were given grace in that time. And we were just a happy family of five. I mean, we, we embraced every moment of it and, um, each time with the time that we had with each of them. And, um, it was really a beautiful thing. And, um, as Nicholas died first and, um, then a little bit later, um, Mary passed away and, and then, uh, finally Peter, um, the youngest. And, you know, it was a few hours after that, that we had with them and just

feeling blessed because we tried for years to become parents and, and we were, and it wasn't really until a nurse came in and this is going to sound crazy, but a nurse came in and asked which funeral parlor we were using that everything changed. Oh my gosh. And then we kind of processed like, okay, um, this is, this is where we're at. And of course we knew, right. Of course we knew. Um, but we were just being carried through that process. And in the book that I wrote, life is hard, but I'll be okay. And one of the chapters is called footprints in the sand. And I think we were really carried by God through that time because there was pure joy until there wasn't. Wow. Yeah. And there's parents that go through this experience where they lose a kid at a young

age and they never recover. How long were you in that grieving process for, and how hard was it to get out of that? Probably took years, right? It did. It did. You know, Sean, we were, we were in a dark place. I mean, we were in a really, really dark place. And, you know, my wife and I would commit to each other. You know, we took a few weeks off after they passed and after the funeral before we went back to work and then just every day was a grind just trying to get out of bed and and act like other things mattered right including our careers fortunately our relationship never suffered because we just committed to each other each other from the beginning that it's us and we're going to stay right here and and we locked

in on each other and so that was a gift that was one of the gifts that came out of it right is you know what are we going to argue about after that um but then it was you know getting back to work and you know agreeing not to go back to the cemetery and saying you know going every day is not a good idea we need to try to move forward. And we'd commit to that. And I'd stop at the cemetery on my way home from work, and Susan was already there. And I'd look at her and say, come on, we agreed not to do this. And she said, what are you doing here?

And so, yeah, we spent a few years in therapy. That's really what changed us. It gave us the opportunity to change. And Dr. Barb Fordyce, our psychologist, was such a gift in our lives. And she said one thing to us that changed my life. It absolutely changed my life. What was it? You know, I said to her in session one day that I just will not let go of Nicholas, Mary, and Peter. I'm not going to do it. Everyone's saying it's time to move on. You got to let go. And I said, I can't. And I don't want

to. I didn't feel as a father that was the right thing to do to be moving on and acting as if it didn't happen. But I didn't know how to make them part of our lives. But I knew they had to be. I knew I couldn't dishonor them. And so she said to us in session, after I said that to her, she said, Johnny, you don't have to let go of Nicholas, Mary, and Peter. You don't have to let go. But you have to let go of the dreams that you had for them in this world because those will never happen

and you know sean i thought about that and i thought i can get my head around that i i'm gonna hold on to them and they're gonna be my kids and we're gonna honor them but i know those birthday parties and the graduations and the weddings and all those things aren't gonna happen and so that i'm gonna let going to let go. I'll let go of that, but I'm not going to let go of them. Right. And that really, that really changed things for me. And you still honor them every birthday. You said yesterday was their birthday. You raised balloons in the air, right? That's right. Our oldest son, Bo, we have three children now, Bo, Bella and Stone. And Bo on third birthday, came up with the idea of he desperately wanted his brothers and sister to come to his third birthday party. And we explained

how they're going to be there in our hearts, but not there for the party. And he said, can we send our balloons up? So every year since then, we've done it as a family. And as the kids were off to college and, you know, some in high school, some in college and where we were, we just FaceTime. And that's awesome. And so we've done it every year. Everyone gets their balloons and two blues and a pink and we send them up. And now all of our kids live in Chicago. And it's been pretty cool that last night we did it. And Susan and I are here with you in Vegas and then FaceTime with the kids and they're all together with the balloons and we had the celebration. Did you have these three kids before or after?

After. Got it. So it took you years to recover before you finally had them, right? Yeah, it was a journey, you know, because we went through the process of, you know, in life, Sean, we all want more, right? We want more money. We want more food. We want more love. We want more pleasure.

We want more things. I mean, it's constantly we want more. And we had to figure out how can we move forward with just being really thankful for what we had. And that started the mind shift and the journey towards getting to a healthy place mentally. Cause I'm a guy with deep anxiety. I mean, big anxiety. Yeah. Cause you've had massive business success. So for you to say that I'm surprised, you know, it's just, I'm a warrior. I always have been. It's, I think it's chemically in me, you know, I've needed to rely on, you know, medicine, prayer, meditation, exercise. I mean, it's a combo of all of them to work through my anxiety. And I'm always worrying that the worst will happen and maybe not so unfounded, right? Some, something

pretty awful did happen. And so I don't have the thought of why me. But as I thought about wanting more, I learned to think about why can't we be satisfied with what we had? Like, why can't the day that we had with Nicholas, Mary, and Peter and that night be enough? Why do we have to have more? When I started thinking about that, I started finding a piece in that applies to so many things in life that we don't always have to be going for more and more and more. And that's the way I'm wired. So that's really hard for me of all people to say that because it's really counter-cultural to my personality and it's not really instinctive for me. But when you sit back and accept what you have and what we had and that we're, what we're going to live with in their memory, got to a place where it was enough. And then when it is enough,

man, there's so many beautiful things that happen after that. I mean, you just see the love and the graces that were around you by people and family and friends that cared for us. And then wisdom that we got for loving each other deeper as a couple and being so thankful for the kids that followed. It was really, really a beautiful gift when we started to reframe and using cognitive behavioral therapies to reframe in our minds all the darkness and bring light to it. And really that first ray of light was when we adopted our son, Bo. I love it. Yeah. Like you said, it's so hard to just live in the present and you're always thinking about wanting more. I think it's like a survival instinct, right? That we need to gather more resources and just realize you don't need to at a certain point.

Yeah. You could just sit in, in where you're at. And, and you know, when I even say that people that know me so well, you know, laugh at the thought of me saying that because I'm just not wired that way because I'm always pushing and that's what worked out so well in my business career. Right. Um, but you know, you think about always in that drive and my mind's always going that way and pushing and pushing. And then there are situations in life that just doesn't work. Yeah. Right.

There's so much balance required. Like, I remember I used to always tell myself I want to become a millionaire. I hit that. Nothing changed. Then I was like, all right, let me make more money. Let me make 10 million. I hit that. I was depressed.

So there's like a balance needed. You just can't always accumulate more and expect to be happier. You know what, Sean, you nailed it. And I love that at your age that you've realized that because I always had these financial metrics in my mind. Once I have this, you know, then I'll be okay because then I'm secure. My anxiety is set, right? I don't have to worry about ever paying bills and then you get to that point and then there is the next level because your bills go up you start doing more things and you travel more and you you know you buy more and there's never been that level where the anxious

thoughts go away never it gets worse if anything it does because there's more pressure on you to produce more for others there's more expectations and. And, you know, that's, you know, a real struggle that I have today is just, you know, trying to continue to remember what I tell myself about being thankful, you know, what is enough. And so what I, what I tell myself every day is enough is what I have right now and the relationships and the blessings that sure money has been able to provide some great experiences and great trips and great homes and all those types of things. But I know that those things didn't matter when we were at our darkest place, right? Uh, because

financially we were doing fine when we were in our twenties and, and life wasn't worth living at a point. Right. And so, um, but you know, when you find that person and I've got that in my wife, Susan, that she's just an absolute gift. And the book was really written in honor to her for what she did, because it's just insane, the story, because it, even after Nicholas, Mary and Peter passed, it wasn't smooth sailing from there. It just continued to be tougher and tougher. And what my wife endured was too much for one woman. Truly. I bet it must've been so traumatic, man. It's crazy. And you said you went through adoption. How many years after that? Actually, our son Bo was born almost nine months to the day that Nicholas, Mary and Peter died. Oh, wow. So we moved

on pretty quickly to the next step. And that happened. And all this, you know, again, I write about it in the book, and the book's a bit of a love story. And it's, you know, the power of hope and emerging through the pain that we lived through, and then learning to live with gratitude. And so, you know, in that process, you know, I did some crazy things, you know, I pushed for adoption after a miscarriage of twins that happened after. Oh, there was another miscarriage? Yeah, yeah. So, but it was an early miscarriage of twins about three weeks apart. So that happened. That pregnancy happened later that year after Nicholas, Mary, and Peter passed. And as insensitive as a man can be, I said to my wife when we were coming home from the hospital after having the surgery, I'm going to call it adoption agency.

Wow. You really wanted kids. I did. And I going to call it adoption agency. Wow. You really wanted kids. I did. And I wanted to fix it. Right. Because I'd given my wife enough injections and enough shots. And it was years of that. That's how I think too. I always try to fix it immediately. And sometimes the woman just wants you to be there in the moment, you know? So I change my mindset because I'm always about just fixing the problem ASAP.

And why do we do that? I don't know if it's a guy thing or something, you know, just wanting to provide like on the spot. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's what it is. I mean, I just saw the pain that she was in and I was like, that's enough on your body and let me take it from here. And she said, I don't know if I can adopt. And I said, well, you don't have to worry about that right now because we don't have a baby to adopt. Let me do all the paperwork. Let me do everything. And she was guarded. And, um, you know, I moved ahead with it and crazy stories on that and failed adoptions and, uh, different things, but we were super blessed. And, you know, really, you know, about six weeks after starting the process, we ended up getting our son Bo at birth. That's pretty quick, right? Unheard of. Yeah.

Unheard of. Maybe not for a little bit of my intensity pushing so hard that maybe that was exactly the way it should have come out. But it was, we were really blessed. Advice to people going through that process right now, looking to adopt, what would you tell them? Boy, open your hearts and minds up. I mean, first to birth mothers. I mean, when you're in an unplanned pregnancy and you're really looking at a situation where not only are you not prepared to take care of this baby, but maybe genuinely you, you know, that you can't. The support system isn't around you. There is no greater gift that you can give your child and your first act as a mother than to think about that child's future and placing them in a home where they're going to be loved and cherished. And like I said before, we felt that we won the lottery when Bo was born.

And Bo feels like he won the lottery. It was a really cool gift that we both experienced together from opposite sides of it. So for birth moms, first and foremost, I just say, open your heart. So many people think that they can't do it. But living with the thought that you did the best thing and made that decision that was right at that time in your life. Maybe later than there's an opportunity to raise a child. But I give so much credit to those women that make that decision. It's so selfless. And it's the best act that you can make at the time when you know that you can't care for a child. Yeah, this is such a powerful episode. I just wanted to thank you, man, because my dad actually lost his first kid. So this resonates really deep with me. And he didn't even tell me until I was in

high school because there's so much trauma. But you going on podcasts and talking about this, I think it can really inspire a lot of people. You know, Sean, you know, for your dad to go through that and for him to carry that so quietly for know, Sean, you know, for your dad to go through that and for him to carry that so quietly for all those years, you know, you're right. There's, there's a lot of pain, a lot of thoughts he had and, and really what do you do with that? Like, you know, so we thought about that for our kids. You know, after Bo was born, you know, the story was so intense and my wife almost passed. I mean, it was it was so much and she went through so much. And then there's, you know, these surprise pregnancies that we have that we don't we know how it happened, but we don't really know why it happened.

And, you know, so in less than four years know, four years, we have three kids and, you know, life-threatening situations for my wife. And then the end of the book is crazy what my wife, the decision that we made at the time through just a moral decision that we had to make. But, you know, you look at that and we go back and think, the strength that you find when you have to, when you are in a spot, when you hit a low, we thought our low was at the cemetery and we couldn't go lower. There was security. It's this crazy thought. There was security for me to go with my anxiety and lay on the ground at the cemetery because I thought it can't get worse than this. So if I just lay here at this space, I'm at my bottom. You find out life

oftentimes has new bottoms, right? And new lower points that you go to. And that's with all that emotion that, you know, what your dad went through that he carried that for so long before he told you about it. Why is that? Because you don't know how to live with that. And so for us, it had to get to the point of saying, I know how we're going to live with this. We're going to honor them. We're going to celebrate them as our kids. We're going to see us as a family with six kids, not only the three that we're raising. And we're going to raise our kids to love their older brothers and sister, honor them, feel a connection to them. And they all three do.

I mean, it's pretty amazing the way that each of the three kids chose to honor them. And then even better, the way that our kids' relationship is cemented. I mean, they all chose to go to the same college in North Carolina, amazing school, High Point University. They all go to college together. And then after college, one by one, they all moved to Chicago. And they're just a tight unit. And I think some of that could be rooted in the fact that their older siblings came before and were gone and they cherish each other. Yeah. And I think it's also a testament to your fatherhood, right? And I want to dive into fatherhood and why it was so important to you. Why did you want to become a father so badly?

You know, I love that question, Sean, because, you know, being a dad, it's an honor. It is an absolute honor to be a father. And I think so many men don't recognize that. They take it for granted. There's other things in my life that I take it for granted. But I want to challenge any man out there that has a child to realize the responsibility that they have to literally put their life on hold in some respects to focus and pour into that kid so that they know that they're loved and secure and that they feel a connection. Are you interested in coming on the Digital Social Hour podcast as a guest? We'll click

the application link below in the description of this video. We are always looking for cool stories, cool entrepreneurs to talk to you about business and life. Click the application link below, and here's the episode, guys. To their parents, I mean, what a great gift. My parents gave me that gift. You know, Susan and I said, when we were going through our hard times,

we're the lucky ones, because we were loved by parents that were committed. They gave us our faith. They taught us hard work and honesty, integrity, and what a family unit is. So really we came into our struggles with a pretty solid foundation. And so many people don't have that. Why don't they have that? Maybe because their dads didn't step up. Maybe their parents were committed to them and the dad didn't pour into their kids. So when my kids were born, when Bo Bell and Stone came

first with Bo, I started a love letter to him when he was born. And I committed to writing that love letter to him till he was 18. Wow. And I did it for Bella and Stone as well. And, you know, on their 18th birthday, they got a hardback book bound with about 200 pages of single-spaced typed letters through their whole life. And I did that because I wanted them to know the gift it was to be their dad and that there's no greater gift for me other than to honor their mother and to let them know that their lives are relevant and purposeful and they're made to do great things. And one of those is honor their older brothers and sister. And they've, they've all done that. Amazing. I want to talk more about the book. What made you compelled to write that and how has it done since? You know, I was blessed to retire about six years ago and I really used the word repurposed myself after that, because I decided

when I hit 50, it's time to really focus on what I want to do. And so one of those things was write the book, because as we've talked over the years, and I've done keynotes and talked to audiences about our experience, I mean, so many times people would say, you got to write a book. Then my kids started pushing me. Like, Dad, you know, you got to do this. So it was always later, later, you know, we'll do that. Then it turns out that, you know, that time came. And so it took a couple years because it went back to some dark spaces in our lives that we had processed well but had moved from. And so it was a little tough.

And then, you know, my kids just kept pushing, dad, you got to finish it. And, and really to honor their mom. And for Susan to, I watched her read the manuscript. She didn't see it until the end. And I watched her read that for a few hours. And I thought, you know, this is, this was the right thing to do. And so the book's done really well. It's hit international bestseller in a few countries. And I'm just honored that people are valuing the story of the story of the difficulties that we face and whether it's divorce or loss or job issues or relationship challenges or financial issues. It doesn't matter what it is. The story is a book about emerging through that pain, feeling it all,

not ignoring it, and then learning to live with gratitude. In the darkest times, find gratitude. Wow. And that's the thing I think I get challenged on, and I love it, because how can you be grateful for that? Well, what's the alternative? Live in anger. I mean, be miserable, feel cheated in life, feel screwed, be a victim. I couldn't do it. I used to. Did you really? Yeah. I used to live in anger. My mom and I used to fight every single day, man. It's not worth it. Right. Takes years off your life. And how'd that feel? Terrible.

Now I live in gratitude. So every morning I write down five to 10 things I'm grateful for. Done that every day for three years. And I feel amazing. And I tell my mom I love her every day. I'm just grateful, man. But I used to live in anger,

arguments all day, you know? It's toxic. Yeah, when you're in a dark place and when you're in that relationship pattern, that's what I was so worried about for us is that we're gonna look at the world differently now that this happened to us. And so that idea of why me, everyone says why me.

When we were at the funeral and people coming through the line and we're so grateful for so many people that came, but the general theme was, I'm sure you're wondering why me. And immediately at the time, I mean, days after they passed, the answer was no, I don't wonder why me. Victim mentality. It's very common these days. That's right. Why not me? I mean, why should this happen to you versus me? So bad things are happening to good people all the time, every day. And so, you know,

maybe we entered into therapy as sophomores versus freshmen because why me wasn't an issue. Matter of fact, one of the chapters is entitled, why not us? And so that's really how we saw it, that everyone goes through a hard time. So that helped a bit, but you know, the victim mentality, and I'm not saying that there are not real victims in life. There absolutely are, but to stay in victimhood and to live there versus getting out of it and fighting hard to get out of it and working hard to get out, right. And using every resource available to you, any outstretched hand that's there to say, I'm here, we grabbed them and we talked about it, right? We were expressive of our thoughts and that's really what helped us. So that's why I wrote this book is

for people that are going through the dark times, but then also for the people that are, you know, they're along the journey. I mean, our friends, our family were amazing to us, and it was hard for them because we had seven, eight years of a lot of darkness. Yeah. And so, you know, for those people, you know, we're so thankful for them and the gifts that they gave us. Yeah. And speaking of your friend dealing with that for eight years, I've seen you say stress and emotions are contagious, right? It can rub off on people. And I agree with that completely because I've seen both sides of it. And I try to really surround myself with high vibrational people, you know, good energy, good people. Yeah. Look at the five people you surround yourself with, right? Pick five, pick 10, whatever it is. You know, I'm a big believer, Sean, and you're putting this out

there in the world. And that's why I love your show so much is because, you know, I believe we only have so much energy every day. We've got a pool of a hundred percent. You can't make it 200% energy. You've got what you got. And for me to come in and take away from you by me dumping something on you and negativity, criticism, whatever it might be. And in the workplace that happens so much, you know, on the work side, I'm so passionate about ensuring the cultures are right in companies because, you know, our employees, you know, they have a real life after work. Right. When I was young, I had the stupid thought in my twenties that people needed to leave their personal problems at home. That was calming back down though. Oh

yeah. Don't, don't bring that into work. You know, we've got to take care of customers, right? We've got clients to satisfy. We've got money to make. And so you need to leave your personal problems at home. That sounded like it made sense until I had personal problems, right? Yeah, yeah. Then you have them, and you're like, wait, I'm the same dude at home that I am when I come to work. How am I going to leave this, leave all this burden at home? And so what I realized is that, and I own my own company, so I was able to change the culture there, but I realized that I needed to create an environment where there's security

at work. I am validating people. I'm lifting them up. I'm giving them opportunity. And all the while, not saying I'm not going to challenge them, not saying that we have serious work to do and we're going to make sure that we do it, but we're going to give them the tools and we're going to support them. And the goal is really at the end of the day to send them home to their job that matters most as father, mother, sister, brother, grandfather, caregiver, whatever your role is at home that really matters, to send that energy into the home so that they can then take that love on people, change the next generation, and then bring that new energy back into work and then create that

circle. Right. And so, you know, so many people that I've employed over the year, and I've been blessed to have thousands and thousands of employees is you'd hear from them a guard and a reservation as it relates to what does a boss look like or a manager or VP or a president. And it's because when they were kids at home, they heard about their mom or dad's terrible boss. So the boss was the bad guy. So they come into work and they have years and years of stories that you as a boss must be a bad guy because you are a boss. Right. And so, you know, as I feel resistance where I'm pouring into people and I'm trying to create something real and there's a guard and a block from them and I'm wondering like, you know, where's this coming from? And it's coming from a place where they were bred that

they were taught that. So, you know, when we started this program, this was 20 some years ago, started changing that. And employees were sending notes. And when I'd see a spouse, they'd say, what are you doing? My husband's coming home so different. My wife's coming home so different. And we were lifting them up at work. We are creating a space of respect and kindness. And this is 30 years ago before it really came on strong that we should be in a kinder place. And it really seemed purposeful that we're changing American households

if we can pour that love back into the home by lifting people up at work. And so I attribute all of that to Nicholas Marion Peter. I attribute all of that to Nicholas Marion Peter. I attribute all of that to changing me as a leader that's been blessed to have the opportunity to lead with such an amazing executive team and a huge multi-billion dollar company and realize that my role there is just not about putting money to the bottom line. Sure, that's important. I've got a fiscal responsibility, but I've got a human responsibility as well to create a workforce that's lifted up. And got a fiscal responsibility, but I've got a human responsibility as well to

create a workforce that's lifted up. Wow. And if you as a leader aren't willing to accept that, I think you're missing out. And sure, you can produce the financial results and feel great about that. That's a hollow victory to me. There's a lot more to it than that. Look at the impact of those three kids out on you, even though they didn't live a long life. Look at this. You've changed tens of thousands of lives because of them. Their life of significance isn't defined by the time they were here. Because when you think about it, Sean, all of our lives go by so fast. In a day or 80 years, whatever it is, there doesn't need to be limited by the impact that you can make.

And it all started for me with them, with realizing how fragile life was. Me thinking about the day that we were going to the funeral and the limousine picked us up and we're driving. And I thought, this is so strange. Everyone's just driving by, they're going to work, they're doing their thing. I've had that thought before actually. That's funny. In a while, you're like, wait a minute, don't you realize that the world just stopped for me? Yeah. And is that kind of your perspective of it, too? All the time while I'm driving.

I'm like, are we in a simulation? Like, this is so unreal. Yeah. People are, you know, no one knows what's going on in someone else's life. So I thought us inside that limo going to bury our kids, I thought, wow, there is so much going on in this world that I never slowed down to look at. And when other people are driving, what's going on in their world? It's changed my perspective about bad drivers. Like, given graces, like, I have no idea what's going on in their life today.

It's true. You don't look at it from their point of view. You just think they suck at driving, but maybe they're dealing with something. Yeah. Well, I suck at driving, so I give graces just because I feel like I need them back. But yeah, it is that thought that we've got to look at other people and recognize that, you know what, they've got their own stuff and we're so focused on ourselves. And so for Nicholas, Mary, and Peter, my mind just exploded open with empathy and recognition that other people have it really, really bad and

maybe much worse than I have. And it's not a measurement of scale. It's not relevant for that, but it's relevant to acknowledge it, right? It's relevant to say, my goodness, I can't imagine what they're going through. And then now what am I going to do with that? I know that I can't imagine what they're going through. And then now what am I going to do with that? I know that I can't imagine it. I've recognized that it's awful. How do I pour into that person to change their life and change at least this interaction right here, right now. And when we can do that, you know, one person at a time, there's, there aren't a lot of tragedies that stay tragic. There are tragedies that become blessings. Wow. But man, you got to work at it. Yeah. And so, you know, I've, I've had people say, you know, you're, you're lucky that your kids passed at birth because, you know, my 10 year

old died. And, and I look at them and I say, say you know i'm so sorry for that um i probably would have loved 10 years with my kids yeah it's perspective but i understand that how hard it is for them because then i had three 10 year olds at one point right and you love those kids so, so deeply. But I think my perspective over time has changed that I'll take whatever blessings that are there and I'm going to maximize that. And so I've talked to other people and one woman comes to mind in particular, and she's just the dearest soul who lost her nine-year-old. And I can talk to her about her son and watch her face just light up and beam. Wow. And how blessed she was to be his mom.

And we have the most beautiful conversations because I acknowledge the gift that she had. And she sees through us the gift that she had nine more years than we did. Right. And can that be enough? We can make it enough. I love that messaging because it's all mindset and perspective, right? There's so many people going through tragic events. Everyone has gone through a tragic event and some people dwell on it and don't recover, but you can choose to kind of flip that switch, right? That's right. I mean, what are you going to do with those thoughts? Now, a guy like me with anxiety got way too many thoughts, right? I've got thoughts coming in and that literally,

it's like, where in the world does this come from? Like what I do with that. And so what I had to learn to do, um, and again, through great coaching and counseling is that I had to learn to not do something with every thought. Some thoughts literally just drop them and let it go. That's really not the way I'm wired because I'm like, oh, I've had this thought. Better process that, right? Because we're told to process all our thoughts, right? Where did it come from? Why do I think this? Why do I feel this way? If I do this, what will it do? If I don't do this, you know? Overthink. Overthink. I'm great at that. I'm so good at overthinking. And, and you look at that and say, you know, I don't have to do that.

And in a really dark time in business, when I, um, had a lot of, a lot of layoffs to happen because the market, uh, crashed in 08, 09. Yeah. And, and it literally put me back in therapy because there were so many jobs that we had to eliminate. I mean, like a thousand jobs. Damn. It was awful. And so in my managing all my thoughts and thinking about these people that were going home and telling their family that mom or dad lost their job, I couldn't. I truly couldn't handle it. Yeah. And so I started reading the book, The 100 Happiest People,

and there were a research team that went out around the world to find the 100 happiest people in the world. Really? And first I thought, how cool would that job be? Yeah. I mean, literally, you wake up, you travel, and you go just finding happy people from all walks of life, right? Socioeconomic differences, age, health, every spectrum of the world, right?

No corner left uncovered. And they found the 100 happiest people. And you know what they found was the one thing that they all had in common? Family. Close, different though. Okay. The one thing that they all had in common

was they did not believe everything that they thought. Did not believe everything they thought. Interesting. Now imagine that, Sean, with a guy with anxiety that has way too many thoughts. Right. And the time and energy that I put into each of those thoughts. And so for me, right where you went with family, my first thought as I'm reading is like, these people are all blessed with great families. Turns out, not the case.

It's literally the thoughts that they had, they realized they don't need to do something with all of them. And soon as I almost got the permission to do that is when I realized, you know, when I'm going, Johnny, when you're going down that rabbit hole of anxiety, which anxiety literally is taking a thought and then exponentially driving it up. Yep. I looked at that and it was like, oh, I just caught myself doing it again. I'm ramping up when, what facts do I have to tell me that that is even a real situation. 99% of the things that we worry about never happen. And yet, Sean, I've wasted so much energy and time in my life on those 99% of things. Hypotheticals. Yeah. And I play them all through my head and I can take them to the worst conclusion.

Yeah. You tend to think the worst route possible just as human nature. And even as I've been medicated sure it's a little bit better when i'm really strong with my prayer life and practice gratitude yeah it's a little bit better um when i'm meditating yeah it's a little bit better but i'm not doing that all day long right you can't rely on it either that so it keeps coming in these thoughts keep coming in and then i have to process and say what do I need to do with this? And so often the answer is don't believe it just because you thought it. And we all think a lot of ourselves, right? I mean, we think we can be really hard on ourselves, which I am, but still, I think, Hey, I'm a reasonably intelligent, intelligent guy. If I had this thought,

I must need to process it. I must need to do something with it. And then we get to the spot where we're like, wait a minute, I don't need to do anything with that and just let it go. I'm going to start using that. Thank you so much for that advice. It's a practice that takes effort. And I still, I haven't mastered it and you won't master it, but you'll get to the point hopefully sooner than 20 minutes in and you're like, wait, stop. Right. And so I've been working on it. I've been working on it for sure. Johnny, it's been such an honor, man. Where can people find out more about you, the book and all you're up to? Two different ways to get there, encourage33.com or johnnycerpilla.com and on Instagram at johnnycerpilla. And I just welcome the opportunity, whether it's keynotes or opportunities to connect

with companies and audiences about changing mindsets. So accepting what leadership is, accepting what life situations have that we have at work that we could change and work for the better. You know, it's all about our minds and you're doing great work there, Sean, putting people out there, really challenging them to think. That's why I always loved your show. And it's really an honor when you all invited me to come on. So thank you. That's my goal. So it means a lot coming from you. Thanks a lot. It's really cool what you're doing. So I appreciate it. Well, thanks for watching guys. As always, we will see you tomorrow. We'll have all those links in the description below. Thanks a lot. It's really cool what you're doing. So I appreciate it. Love it. Thanks for watching guys. As always, we will see you tomorrow. We'll have all those links in the

description below. Thanks for watching.