Digital Social Hour - Surviving Trauma: How Near-Death Shapes Us I David Ferrugio DSH #1341

Episode Date: April 19, 2025

How do near-death experiences shape who we are? 🌀 In this powerful episode of the Digital Social Hour, host Sean Kelly dives deep into life's most profound moments with David from the Dead Talks Podcast. From surviving trauma to uncovering the meaning of life, this conversation is packed with valuable insights about grief, healing, and navigating the complexities of life after loss. ❤️‍🩹 David shares his personal journey, including the loss of his father on 9/11, and how it inspired him to explore life, death, and everything in between. Plus, hear incredible stories about near-death experiences, psychic connections, and the fascinating ways our subconscious speaks to us through dreams. 🌌 This episode is a must-watch for anyone curious about life’s deeper questions! Don’t miss out! Watch now and subscribe for more insider secrets. 📺 Hit that subscribe button and stay tuned for more eye-opening stories on the Digital Social Hour with Sean Kelly! 🚀✨ Join the conversation and explore what it truly means to live. CHAPTERS: 00:00 - Intro 00:30 - David from Dead Talks Podcast 05:00 - Airestime 06:20 - Near Death Experiences 07:20 - Psychic Sisters 07:58 - Your Mom’s Near-Death Experience 12:24 - Astral Travel Techniques 14:09 - First Mushroom Experience Insights 15:02 - Heavy Dose of Mushrooms Effects 16:39 - Lucid Dreaming Techniques 19:25 - Understanding Dream Meanings 22:45 - Nostalgic Old Cartoons 24:30 - Accepting Death as Inevitable 27:37 - Importance of Living Fully 28:15 - Feeling Verified in Experiences 30:24 - Weekly Podcast Frequency 31:57 - Benefits of Dopamine Detox 32:19 - Insights on Darkness Retreat 32:35 - Embracing Uncomfortable Moments 34:50 - Understanding Avoidant Personality 36:30 - Dream Podcast Guest Ideas 37:21 - Where to Find Dead Dad APPLY TO BE ON THE PODCAST: https://www.digitalsocialhour.com/application BUSINESS INQUIRIES/SPONSORS: [e-mail] GUEST: David Ferrugio https://www.instagram.com/ferrugio/ SPONSORS: AIRES TECH: https://airestech.com/ LISTEN ON: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/digital-social-hour/id1676846015 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5Jn7LXarRlI8Hc0GtTn759 Sean Kelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seanmikekelly/ #spiritualawakening #ptsd #enlightenment #mentalhealth #afterlifecommunication The views and opinions expressed by guests on Digital Social Hour are solely those of the individuals appearing on the podcast and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the host, Sean Kelly, or the Digital Social Hour team. While we encourage open and honest conversations, Sean Kelly is not legally responsible for any statements, claims, or opinions made by guests during the show. Listeners are encouraged to form their own opinions and consult professionals for advice where appropriate. Content on this podcast is for entertainment and informational purposes only and should not be considered legal, medical, financial, or professional advice.

Where I was in a dream, which is probably not the same thing, but multiple times I was aware I was in a dream and every dream happened to be an impending death. Whoa. And I've always, you know, everyone has those dreams that you die at the end, but usually you wake up. You can't like recreate death in your dreams, they say. Yeah, and it happened, but there was one dream that I had. I still have no idea what it meant, but I remember I was on a balcony overviewing like a skid- Balcony overview and like a skit Alright guys out here in LA with David from the dead talks podcast. Thanks for coming on man. Thanks for having me, brother Absolutely. So your podcast is a very interesting one. It's about dead people and the purpose of life and everything, right? I mean dead people show up. I mean I talk about death

That's the whole the whole premise is to normalize the conversation on death and many capacities Yeah, which is needed by the way, because when I was a kid, I used to fear death and I had no one to talk to about it. What scared you? I don't know, because I didn't lose someone close to me until I was my grandmother. So I was, yeah, I guess 10 years old. And that might've sparked it. And then I just started fearing it from there on.

And it's pretty common. It's part of the process of why I want to talk about it. I don't know if it eliminates the fear fully, but I think facing it is part of that. Well, I think that awareness is the first step at least. I agree. Right. But now I don't think I fear it anymore,

if that makes sense. Where you at with it? I've accepted it, but I don't want to happen right now. That's fair. I hope not. Yeah. It ruined the episode right now. Yeah. But instead of like, yeah, but instead of fearing it, like living every day, like, oh, I don the episode right now. Yeah, but instead of like yeah

But instead of fearing it like living every day like oh, I don't want to die like I don't think like that anymore Yeah, I try to think of that. I'm not scared of it. I don't it freaks me out I think being freaked out is different than being scared. Yeah, that's just me definitely freaks me out Especially as we get older we know more and more people that are experiencing it Yeah, yeah happened to me at a young age where I think open my eyes to it So I think that was the first step to what I'm doing now. How old were you? I mean, I've had people die before my dad, which was the big one if you will. Yeah, when he passed it was I was 12. Holy crap. Yeah, that's young. Yeah, pretty young. That mess you up for a long time. I mean still does probably I guess I always think about the weird things that I do or my flaws if you will I'm like does that come from that it would make sense it would but maybe that's just me

Yeah, I'm definitely affected me for sure. Yeah, it's hard not to and that one was super unexpected Like he just went to work that day. Yeah, I'm in don't know where you want to get into with the story But for those of you that don't know who I am My dad died on September 11th if you've heard of it and he was just I went to work that day So he wasn't a firefighter on the plane. He was on Canterford's Gerald, which lost the most people, I believe. So 105th floor, so he honestly had no chance

because the plane hit below his floor. So 105th lost the most people. I don't know about the floor, but his company, Canterford's Gerald, so they lost the most people because I think all their offices were around the 105th floor, maybe 104, 106, whatever. But yeah, they lost the most people because I guess they had the most people because I think all their offices were around the 105th floor, maybe 104, 106, whatever.

But yeah, they lost the most people because I guess they had the most people that were on the higher floors. Geez. Yes. Wow. That's the crazy part because obviously I lost my dad that day, but it was a public grief, if you will, because there were so many other people. So I can't forget the people that died with them.

So it was like this communal grief that happened, but still isolating because it was my father. So it was a little contradicting in that aspect. Yeah, that is nuts. And then from there, you really, is that when you started the purpose of like finding out the meaning of life or did that kind of take some time? I mean, if you're looking for the meaning of life for me, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you're not going to find that. But I've definitely, you know, I've hunted for some sort of meaning in my own life. And I think the meaning in your own life ends up being the meaning of life in general, because it's personal to you. I agree.

I don't think there's a universal meaning. Maybe, maybe there is, but I don't know it. Some religions teach it that way, but I think just focus on yourself, works for me at least. Yeah, I think there's maybe a foundation and that comes to kind of the cliche aspects where it's love, compassion, yada, yada, yada.

So I think there are some universals that can apply to everyone, but not everyone will apply that. Agreed. Who have been some of your more memorable interviews that kind of stuck with you? You've interviewed a lot of people. Yeah, not as much as you.

You're doing a thousand a day, but I've had about 200 episodes now, and they're all, I have my favorites for different reasons. And the most memorable for me, it's just personal, whether it's gonna be the first one you're gonna wanna listen to, whoever's listening, my mom, because that was the first conversation that I've had that was extremely personal

in regards to getting my family on and talking about a mother to son. So that was personal to me. A recent one with a comedian, Ari Shafir, was probably my most fun one because it was just banter and I have a very sick sense of humor. So I love when humor is attached to conversations like this. So Ari was a special one, especially because that was the first episode I ate an edible before the episode started. So as the episode

goes, I'm like progressively getting higher and higher and Ari makes it a lot easier. So Ari was definitely one of my favorites just because he's hilarious and it was more laid back. I don't think I could do a part on an edible man. I didn't think I could either. It was a rate. I warned him. I was like, I don't know how this is going to go, but let's give it could do a part on an edible, man. I didn't think I could either. It was a rate. I warned him. I was like, I don't know how this is going to go, but let's give it a shot. I think it worked out. I mean, I'm going to look like an idiot,

but I don't really care. I'm going to watch that one for sure. Yeah, good luck. How many MGs was it? Wasn't much. That's the confusing part. I don't know if I bought one that was stronger than the usual, but it was like five.

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If you were fasting, it hits you harder. I don't remember if I ate. I had a lot of coffee. Ooh, edible plus coffee, that's dangerous. I used it, maybe. I guess coffee is already pretty energizing. Yeah, I don't know. It hit me a lot more than I thought.

So, but it was a good, that was a good episode. I mean, amongst that, I've talked to so many different people. I've had scientists, I've had ex-war veterans, a lot of near death experiences. So a lot of the near death experience episodes definitely, you know, pick my radar up just because they're interesting. That's the one I wanted to ask you about.

You had a doctor who had studied thousands of near death experiences. Yeah, I believe that was Dr. Jeffrey Long. He's been on some big podcasts. I think Theo von Hadamann, that's what he does. It doesn't seem like he's had a near-death experience, but I believe he's a neurosurgeon, and he studies thousands of them,

because there are thousands of them. And I just, I always wonder, you know, if you pick through the weeds, how many of these are legitimate, and how many people are just, maybe it was just a dream, but there's just so many stories, and guess you could be like is everyone is everyone just lying about it but there's so many including one that I've had not me personally but within my family so like a reliable source if you will there's just too many to me to at least deny it

where you should at least be asking questions. And there's thousands and there's people that don't even know each other and they report similar incidences. Yeah and I guess the you know if my logical brain and what my belief system is, you could always go back to, okay, maybe they're listening to each other and cherry picking if you really want to, you know, take the devil's advocate of it. But there are, there are, they are all so different, but there are a lot of similar patterns that are going on that make it at least more reputable, if you will, I would think. Yeah, I agree. You also interviewed psychic sisters, psychic sisters along with plenty of other mediums and whatnot I guess I like to cover all the grounds regardless of my beliefs and let the audience decide what's real or whatnot

I believe in that stuff, but you got to kind of keep your whiskers up as to you know Who's talking bullshit of course I believe in it too man Do you there's a specific instant for you that made you believe in it not a specific instant? I mean, I think it's basically it's mostly been stories from other people. I haven't had a holy shit moment when it comes to mediums. I mean, some close encounters, I guess. Actually, that's a lie. There's one story that wasn't even a paid session, which made it even more significant

for me because I have my accident, if you want me to share that. Yeah, please. So in 2023, my mom went into cardiac arrest. I was, without telling you all the boring details, I was landing in London, my mom went into cardiac arrest. I was without telling you all the boring details. I was landing in London, turned on my phone, found out, flew straight back. And we didn't know if my mom was gonna make it and spoiler alert, she's fine, which is great.

She made it out there with no significant damage, which is wild in itself. But I remember my mom came out of the coma a few, I was, she started coming out of it in the ICU. And she started thinking that she just saw her father. So I said, where's John? Like, what do you mean John? It's like grandpa John.

Like me and my sisters looked at each other and we're like, grandpa John died before I was born. I never met him. So we had to break it down. So I believed in the time that she did see her father. I wasn't gonna ruin her life by saying immediately he's dead, but I had to take her there. And she started crying

as if it was the first time she just found out her father died, regrieving this experience, just forgetting that her father died. And at that time I was kind of calculating, I was like, I think she just had an experience and as time went on, one of the mornings I went back from the hospital, my sister took my place, I got a text from my sister saying,

hey, mom, remember seeing dad? And at that exact time around 12 p.m. when I got that text from my sister I got a message on Instagram from a medium amber that I had on the podcast that just randomly messaged me the exact same time frame and she just sent the nice message sending you love and light and Kind of giving me permission to ask more questions. She needs to say hey your dad just contacted me But I said that's weird You messaged me because my mom just said that she felt my dad or she felt remembering that she just saw him while she was dead, while she was

quote unquote dead. And she said, wow, that's wild. You just told me because your dad was just bothering me and said that your mom, her time, paraphrasing, but she said, your mom's not supposed to be here. She's supposed to go back. And as much as I love her, I don't want to see her anytime soon. And I hope that she learns that she needs to start loving herself more than she starts loving other people. Cause my mom is always caring about other people, a little always worried about those people and other people as opposed to herself.

So it was just a wild experience to me because she messaged me the exact same time that my dad, my mom remembered my father. And with the message that was similar to what she said she experienced. My dad sent her back. She had a message of that. So I think the timing of those, again,

I go back and forth of the devil's advocate is this real, is this not? But when you put all those pieces together, I don't know what else to make of it. I don't believe in coincidences actually. I don't either. Honestly, I don't either. And I feel like coincidences are just the meaning

you give the moment. Yeah, I used to, but now as I've gotten older and seen stuff happen like that, I'm like, all right alright something's going on here You know, there's something in the air That's crazy. Was that Amber Cavanaugh? Yes. She's been on the show. Oh, yeah. She's great. Yeah Dude, I mean her life is crazy. She doesn't remember the past three years of her life So I mean that's wild. Yeah, she wakes up every day thinking it's like 2020 or something

I mean I barely I just almost lost my phone. So I kind of relate, but not that extravagant. Like she told me literally, she's not going to remember the podcast I was filming with her live. That's scary. Isn't that nuts? I mean, every day is a new day, I guess. But yeah, her story is wild because one of,

with her story, there's a lot that I've learned from these experiences of near death experiences that are very similar. Like a lot of the stuff that she's expressing, I've heard from other people. And I feel like it's just a pattern. Is everyone saying the same thing for a reason, but it's something to question.

Yeah, you hear a lot of people saying they see loved ones, they see pets that have been deceased. Yeah, and it's always deceased loved ones. When people say, oh, it's just maybe your brain just this, that, and the other. But when my mom had her near-death, if you wanna call it that, she didn't think of us. So my mom's only thinking of her her kids or nephews and knee our grandchildren

Like that is all that's on her mind So you think someone in my mom's nature for my personal example if she's in this place and her mind is just taking her on this Journey, that's not quote-unquote real. She'd be like thinking about me my sister's her net But no, it's always deceased loved ones. So I think that alone again It's just I'm not saying this is so, but it makes me question these patterns again. It's like, I don't know what else to say about it. That's a good point, because no one's ever been like,

oh, I saw my son who's still alive when I was dying. The only example I heard, I forget who told me that they saw their dog, but the dog was still alive. So that was the first example of someone that was still alive and it was their animal, but then that animal died like three days later. And I think it was Amber.

Whoa. I may be wrong that it was Amber. Maybe the animal animal died like three days later. And I think it was Amber. Whoa. I may be wrong that it was Amber. Maybe the animal was having a near death experience too. Something along the lines. The dog was trying to bark at something. Damn. Well, they say dogs can sense spirits and stuff. Yeah, they're tapped into something different.

You think so? I think so, yeah. I think so too. My dog be barking at the wall. I'm like, fuck, is there a ghost there? Yeah, maybe somebody you know. I don't know who it is, not the wall. Yeah.

Well, I believe in astral travel too. Yeah, I don't know how that works. I understand it, but I don't know who it is. Not the wall. Yeah. Well, I believe in astral travel too. Yeah, I don't know how that works. I understand it, but I don't know how, how do people do that? Have you ever done psychedelics? Oh, yeah. So have you done ayahuasca? Not yet. Okay. So basically that's the best example I can think of. Basically your soul leaves your body. And that's astral travel.

But how do people tap it? Do they tap into it intentionally or just happens through these processes? There's psychedelics that happens through that, but some people can control like, it's called remote viewing, have you heard of it? Oh yeah, it's some CIA shit. Yeah, CIA shit. So they can control their body to do that on my command, which is nuts. That I would like to tap into.

I will ask, it's coming up soon. I'm scared to do that one. I'm terrified, but I wanna do it. You think it's calling you right now? They say it has to call you. It's been calling me for a while, but I've been waiting for it to actually knock on my door. And I think I'm in a good place now where I'd be ready.

I'm still gonna be scared. But I mean, just cause you're scared doesn't mean you shouldn't do something. And that's the important part, right place, right time for psychedelics. Right place, right time for, more right place than I think even right time, in my opinion.

Yeah, the setting's so important. Cause I've had bad moments during trips where like some random kid will pull up. I'm like. Yeah, the first time I did mushrooms in high school, it was literally the worst, well, not literally, but the worst environment I could have done.

I remember I was waiting for it to kick in, and some dude, Tyler, I don't know where the hell he is right now, but he was staring at me. I'm like, first of all, why the fuck are you staring at me? Second, he goes, I heard people on mushrooms want to kill themselves.

I'm like, thanks, man. Appreciate it. I'm 25 minutes about to have this experience, and that's what's in my head. Ended up throwing up, it was a horrible experience. Time was going in reverse, it was horrible. Yeah, I threw up too one time, that was nasty. Apparently that makes it more intense.

Oh it does? I don't know, fact check that, but I thought it would get it out of my system, but now looking back at it, after throwing up, it got even more intense. It just makes sense. I've seen my friends have terrible trips, like people think they're dying type trips. Yeah, thanks Tyler, just makes sense. I've seen my friends have terrible trips. Like people think they're dying type trips.

Yeah. Thanks Tyler. Just fucking Tyler. Did you make him leave? No, I couldn't know. I didn't have a thought. I didn't even want him thinking about that. I was just freaked out. I was just, I still see his eyes. Oh my God. Demonic, huh? I wonder where he's at right now. Yeah. You should hit him up.

No. What's his last name? I don't remember. It's always been Tyler. I see his face though. Shrooms are my favorite. Shrooms are the best. I still microdose. I mean, now I'm at a point where I broke through

where now I'm just completely comfortable with it, but it took me some time because my first experience was horrendous. It's kind of a lesson of life. It's like you have those bad experiences and you work through it and then eventually it turns out to be a blessing. Right, because some people would do that trip

and then never do it again, which most people probably wouldn't. Yeah, you get stuck. People get stuck in one specific event that ends up defining the rest of their life, which isn't the way to me. Yeah, I think whenever I feel stuck in life, I do a little microdose and it really resets me, dude.

And you're not even tripping, you're just kind of just balances you out. Normal, have you done a microdose? Yeah, more than probably heavy doses to be honest. Yeah, same. I haven't done a heavy dose in seven, eight years. I did a heavy dose a couple of years ago. It was magic.

Yeah, where was it? Standard cliche, I went to Josh, which were me and my buddy, we were both going through some shit, like, let's just get a nice house. You and me, we set everything up the right way. So again, the environment just set us up perfectly. And then we went down this rabbit hole

where we thought it was over. And then we were about to go to sleep. And next thing I know, we were just tripping balls for the next five hours and it was more fun than anything but had a couple moments of, it felt like a real situation where it was healing but then everything outside of that was just more like a fun experience where he thought he met God but that was,

that's questionable. Yeah, a lot of people say that when they trip. Maybe that's true. I think it's their interpretation of God. He also had his face on a mirror, so unless God's in a mirror, I don't know. But my face is in the mirror at the same time. I'm skipping part of the story that's gonna make no sense.

We were both in different rooms. I found out after I found him. Both had our face on a mirror. It's just some ridiculous for anyone that doesn't do mushrooms. But our face was on the mirror. Just, I don't even know what I was doing, but it was amazing.

And then I walked in the other room and found him doing the exact same thing. Some weird thing going on there. Dude, that's like rule number one, not to look in a mirror when you're tripping. I know, that's why I did it. I remember that. I remember, cause I remember the first experience

that had I looked in the mirror and it went all downhill. But I think again, it was me trying to push the limits and just see what I can handle. And it would have been amazing. Damn, damn, that's nuts. Yeah, I haven't done it when I'm tripping. I'm too scared. They say you can notice every single detail.

It felt as if I was looking at myself, you were looking at me like I saw myself like oh This is what I look like other people Maybe I didn't really look at it like that I just saw myself in a mirror knowing it was a mirror, but I felt as if I was looking at myself like people see me Yeah, yeah, man. No, I'm big on this stuff, man. I'm trying to master lucid dreaming right now Okay, and once I do that lucid dreaming. How's that going? Oh, terrible. I've been trying for eight years, it's tough.

But once I master it, then you can start astral traveling on command. Okay, so lucid dreaming is step one. That's step one. And you're sober doing that, or you tap it in? I do it like once a week, but you need to be doing it daily. What is, I mean, I made this another conversation

on the side, but what are the steps to approach that? Dream journal, dream signal. So like Time doesn't work in dreams you constantly check your phone if the times off, you know, you're in a dream There's a hand one where you can't see your hand while you're dreaming for some reason like that I know so just go like this once every five minutes in real life And then you'll start doing it in your dreams. Is that what inception was kind of that one item that would yeah confirm if they're in The dreamer. Yeah, the kind of what you're saying. That's a great Fantastic movie. Yeah, fantastic movie. But yeah, have you ever lucid dreamed? Once, but it was by accident.

And I remember I was calling things out. I was so immature at the time, but I remember on a boat, there was a party. I was like, oh, I wish there were more women here. And then all of a sudden women poofed. And I was like, oh man, am I controlling this? I was like, I wish all these women wanted me. And all of a sudden they were all pulling me.

They were like all pulling me in. I was like, am I doing this? Is this like part of the dream? And then nothing cool happened from there, but that was the closest I got. Yeah, and it only lasts like 20 seconds once you're aware. Yeah, it felt close, but that was the closest I've ever gotten.

There's been dreams where I've had, where I was aware I was in a dream, which is probably not the same thing. But multiple times I was aware I was in a dream, but every dream happened to be an impending death. Whoa. And I've always, you know, everyone has those dreams that you die at a dream, but every dream happened to be an impending death. Whoa. And I've always, you know, everyone has those dreams that you die at the end, but usually you wake up.

You can't like recreate death in your dreams, they say. Yeah, and it happened, but there was one dream that I had. I still have no idea what it meant, but I remember I was on a balcony overview in like a city line, like it was New York, and it looked like Independence Day. Like an alien ship got on top of the city, shot a beam of light down and it exploded,

but it was so far away that the cascading of the explosion took time to get to us. I remember hearing screams all around me. I couldn't see anyone. My friend Sam was next to me and we knew we were gonna die. So I didn't run. I was like, oh, we're dead.

We're dead anyway. I remember hugging her, telling her I love her. And then as the explosion approached me, I closed my eyes and waited for my death to come. Felt like a whisking of air. But I was expecting to, I thought I was gonna wake up, but the dream continued for the first time where I died. And then everything went white and I felt myself rising up.

And as I was rising up, I remember hearing voices, but I didn't take note of what the voices were saying. But I heard voices speaking to me. And as I was rising up, I was like, oh, I'm dying. And I guess I'm going to heaven. But then I started thinking of hell. And as soon as I started thinking of hell, you ever played GoldenEye as a kid?

No. When you die, like blood covers the screen, I felt the red coming from underneath and it was battling the light and the darkness. There's a battle of back and forth, deciding if I was gonna go to heaven or hell, then eventually I woke up. But that was the closest I've gotten beyond death,

if you will, but maybe I didn't die. That's a trippy dream a little bit I I believe dreams have meanings. I think I mean, yeah I think right how what I think we do because whenever I have a trippy dream like that I'll look it up and it would be so spot-on to what I'm dealing with in real life It's like this is our subconscious talking to us. I think so 95% of our subconscious We're not even aware of so it's like just pulling that shit up Some matter I guess putting in the puzzle pieces

of what it means. It actually helps me a lot in business. How so? Cause I'll have dreams where like I'll crash a car and then I'll look it up. It'll be like, you're moving too fast in life. And I'll be like, all right, let me slow down. Does it matter what car you're driving?

No, it's usually my actual car that I have in real life. And you've slowed down and actually. Yeah, I slowed down. That dream went away. I had one last week where my friend or slash business partner crashed my car. So I looked up with that man and then like, I'm giving him too much control in the business.

And it's almost relatively obvious too, if you really just looked at it now. Yeah, if you're just objective with it. But most people don't think to actually look up the meanings, but the classic one is like you running away from something in your dream, which means you're running away from your fear in real life. So the reason I tried to master lucid dreaming at birth before I even knew about astral projection

was because I used to have nightmares every night and I wanted to fight back. I used to be running away from a big scary monster. It was, how long it was this? Oh, high school, every night in high school. I'm sorry, what was the monster in real life? It was like, I was running away from fear of a public judgment.

And you had to determine what the fear was or the dream told you that? The dream didn't tell me, no, it was just a shadowless big figure. That shit. And you know how you run mad slow in your dreams? Yes. So I was like, all right, fuck this,

let me like fight back. What about, you seem to know more than I do, what about tidal waves and water? Cause that's how I used to die in my dreams. So that could either be you died in a past life drowning, which is common actually. I know a lot of people that that's happened to or something else. I'd have to die in my dreams. So that could either be you died in a past life drowning, which is common actually. I know a lot of people that that's happened to

or something else. I'd have to look that one up. I said, we probably have a pretty common fear, but definitely drowning freaks me out. Do you have that fear in real life? When I think about it, yeah. So you probably had a past, have you done past life therapy before?

I've done it. I've tried it once and she didn't get me anywhere. I tried it three times, didn't work twice. Tried it with a new girl and it blew my mind. I need to try it again. I actually paid for five sessions after one. I forgot I have to get those four more sessions out. I think I got it.

Was that the hypnosis version or was it a different version? It was hypnosis version. We did it remotely, which I already didn't feel comfortable with. I thought I feel like I'm more comfortable with being a person. But yeah, I didn't go anywhere. And then she was kind of shocked that she didn't. But I did give her a warning that I

felt like I had this weird blockage that I feel like I have this weird Blockage that I feel like I'm always chasing to break through and I haven't defined even what that blockage is I think it's a form of letting go but I still haven't decided What I'm even what I even have to let go could be a past life thing, too I had some past life trauma that I had to clear up. I feel I mean this I've always said I've I thought I've I'm an old soul a lot of people say that like I've just kind of Said it lackadaisically and then amber again. She keeps coming up. She said I can see people through soul ages Not biological ages like by ages of soul and I said, so I'm just curious how old you think I am

It's like well, there's no number to it, but if I had to do it from zero to 100 I say you're like a solid 77 like that's right. I got some time left, but I've been around the block. Yeah. So maybe I've drowned a few times. You give me old soul vibes, man. Do you? That's a compliment. Was it the shirt?

The shirt's a banger. Is that what it is? Is the shirt gives you old soul vibes? It's a good cartoon, man. I'll take it. Yeah, cartoons don't hit like that anymore. No, and I need to watch it again, because when you look at old cartoons,

you realize the real, a lot lot of this hidden messages like now you know the wokeness if you want to see I'm curious to see if there's any hidden shit that's really messed up yeah I feel like there wasn't as many back then but we could be biased since it's our era yeah I need to look back at it but this era I mean it's blatant I just tried watching Beauty and the Beast last night I'm like I can't even watch this why what do you see just like they push the LGBTQ stuff dude in the new versions I don't know watch this. Why, what do you see? Just like, they pushed the LGBTQ stuff, dude. In the new versions?

I don't know about that movie specifically, but yeah, and a lot of the new Disney movies and stuff. Yeah, they said they're planning all these different things that I've never realized when I look back a certain one. Oh fuck, that was Dan. Yeah, I don't want my kids watching that shit personally. I don't even have kids yet, but. Yeah, if it's a whole nother of rabbit hole,

what am I gonna do with that? But I'm kinda doing myself right now. You leaning towards a no, it sounds like. I'm fine, what am I gonna do with that? But I'm kinda doing myself right now. You leaning towards now, it sounds like. I'm fine, I don't really, you know, if I meet the right woman that I'm open, like she might just change my mind, but I'm either way, like I'm down to have kids, but I'm also down not to.

But I think if I met the right woman, I might be like, oh no, we definitely need to have kids. Do you live in LA? Yeah, I live in LA, but I'm trying to get back to New York. So LA just got voted the worst dating market in America. I mean, I hear that anecdotally. I don't't it makes sense I guess looking at LA from a distance. I haven't had that many. I'm in a horrible experience

Okay. Well, you also have a big podcast and so how about dating? Yeah in LA. Come on It depends what I'm talking about. What do you do for a little like I talk about death like what I have to explain it I run I remember I was out with my buddy. We started talking to a girl She was asking what we do is like I like I talk about death like what I have to explain it at right I remember I was out my buddy we started talking to a girl she was asking what we do is like I just I don't know sometimes I don't want to talk it's like what do you do like I talk about death and she was like disgusted at it yeah but I talk about it's more healing this that and the other and my other buddy Alex she's a really big podcast behind the scenes on some really big work there's true crime stuff yeah and as soon as he said that she's like

oh my god interesting okay so murder and grotesque serial killers is more interesting to you than the healing aspect of confronting death I mean we got the shit backwards crime slaps, bro. It does it is interesting. I'm not knocking that it was just ironic That's part of the taboona. I'm trying to break is this when it comes to real death, even though serial killers is real death It just feels distant because people haven't experienced that right? But when when you're talking about normal death, quote unquote, that's more close to you. I think people are more scared of that. Yeah. I think they don't want to open up maybe. Right. No. And I'm like, what, like this is the, what is more, they say deaf in taxes, but not everyone pays taxes. Like deaf is the only thing that brings us together.

As scary as it is. That's the one thing I could look at. I'm like, Oh, you're going to die. You're going to die. You've lost people. You've probably lost people. It's unifying in a way. And I think'm like, oh, you're gonna die. You're gonna die. You've lost people. You've probably lost people. It's unifying in a way. And I think it's freeing once you are able to confront it. Yeah, it's inevitable. Unless you're Brian Johnson. I've been trying to get him.

Yeah, that's a whole paradox. He'd be a perfect fit for your show. I know, it's like almost the opposite almost. So I'm gonna find I get him on at some point. Yeah, cause your show talks about accepting death and he's like, nah, fuck that. Yeah, I'm curious why. I don't even wanna live that long. I'm like, if I get to 80, I'm probably good.

Unless I can maintain my fitness, I'm cool with that. My brain, outside of that, I'm like, 80 years sounds good. I'm careful with throwing out numbers just because of, first of all, the advancements in technology, but second of all, my dad would always say, yo, I'm going to 60 and I'm done.

Wow. And then he did it. And I was like, damn, he manifested that. He went to 60? 64, Yeah, how long ago was this? This was a three years ago a film. It was tough at first and I was like so Afraid to show emotion around it to be honest, like I didn't even want to cry. What made you fearful of the emotion? I've always been like that. I never showed emotion around people growing up and three years in have you felt as if you've

Embraced the emotion. Oh, you're still kind of in the same place? I've embraced it more, probably not as much as I should have because we get caught up in work. So I just tried to work it away and put it on the back burner for a bit. You say you still feel like it's on the back burner? A little bit, but I've worked on it. I've talked to those people about it.

Talked to psychics, I've talked to like emotional experts. So talking about it feels like it helps? Yeah, podcasting is a form of therapy, man.ics, I've talked to like emotional experts. So talking about it feels like it helps? Yeah, podcasting is a form of therapy, man. Yeah, I agree. And that's why I've saw a therapist maybe once or twice, and then he told me he was retiring. He's like, oh, I'm too fucked up for you.

So besides that, I never went back, and I feel like my podcast has been healing for me. But one thing, and this isn't me telling you what to do, because everyone has their own grief recipe, if you will. And I think I found the patterns of all these people I've talked and even with myself, a first step, I feel like whether it takes a year or three years, 10 years, it's different forever and there's no timeline to grief in my opinion. But that first moment where you can face it and truly let yourself feel as cliche as it

is and cliches are there for a reason, that tends to be the first step of that healing process, whether you'll fully be healed or not. Can't tell you that. But once you start embracing that emotions cause constantly do push it off and we got shit to do. Life goes on, but you can live in grief. And I think there's a balancing aspect to living and grieving because you have to be able to do both. And there's a duality to it. And then a pendulum, they never going to find the perfect balance, but I think you have to attempt. Yeah. Cause you don't want to get too caught up in grief. Yeah, because you don't wanna get too caught up in grief.

No, you don't wanna get too caught up, but it is important to get caught up in a sense of allowing yourself to feel it and allow it to pass in that moment and then continue on, because life is gonna keep going whether you want to or not. A lot of people do get stuck in that place and forget to live.

Yeah. And it's hard to live when you feel like you lost purpose because the person you lost gave you purpose. And it's a convoluted smorgasbord of every emotion possible. It is. And I know a lot of people watching this probably hate on psychics,

but getting that closure for me was huge, to be honest. What closure did you get? So he took his own life. And part of me felt responsible for that, for not like keeping more contact with him. He was very lonely, had autism and stuff, lived by himself, had no friends. So just, I talked to two or three different psychics

to get in touch with him. And just seeing why he did what he did, you know, felt like finally could close that door. And how were you able to feel verified in that they were contacting your dad? That's why I did two or three. And they all said the same thing. No shit. Also, I told none of them it was a suicide beforehand. contacting your dad? That's why I did two or three. And they all, they all said the same thing.

Also, I told none of them it was a suicide beforehand. So they wouldn't have known that. And it wasn't published anywhere because what happened was he left the psych ward and they didn't even rule his death as suicide, which is fucked up. They probably do this to a lot of people, but he overdosed on medications.

Damn, man. I appreciate you sharing that. Yeah. Do you mind if I ask you what gave you the closure specifically? There was a reason as to that took it off your own, took it off your back kind of. He basically couldn't handle the meds anymore. His body was shaking and he just wanted it to end, but it didn't have much to do with me.

I thought it was like me, honestly. I feel like that's a natural response. I mean, it closes someone like that. That guilt, I can't imagine how overwhelming that feels. And he had attempts in the past. He always struggled with mental stuff. Um, when you're that smart dude, it's dangerous. 160 IQ. Yeah, I'm probably nowhere near that, but sometimes I wish the ignorance is bliss thing is definitely a real aspect.

Cause sometimes I get too deep in my thoughts and analytical. Then sometimes it's just, you just gotta shut up and simplify everything we're doing because you go too deep down that rabbit hole. It's, I don't think it's healthy. Yeah. I mean- Healthy examination. Like you have to examine your life,

but at some point I think we go too deep and then you gotta show yourself a little grace. Yeah. When you're that smart, you need similar people around you. The problem is he's one out of 50,000 people with that IQ level. So it's really hard to make friends. If you live in a town of 50,000, there's gonna be no one there for you.

So you're so isolated. I saw him, he was very lonely. He relied on drugs a lot of his life to get by. Drug addiction. He drank a 30 pack of beer a day. 30? Yeah, smoked a pack of cigarettes a day at least. Yeah, he had a lot of addictions, man.

Yeah, and then I guess that goes back to the idea of escapism for the root of the issue, if you will. Yeah, that's why escapism for me, I try to be as holistic as possible. I love that. Even though I have a very addictive personality. I do too. Super.

Yeah, you see the way I'm drinking my coffee? Luckily I could channel it to podcasting right now, which is great for business. Yeah, 14 episodes, what are 14 a week? So my record is 23 in a day. So is there a Guinness book up there? I'm actually looking into applying for one this year. So 23 in a day, 52 in three days, 100 in a week.

That's my record for daily and weekly. I don't know how you do that. Yeah, it's not easy, but it's fun. You can attest to that. Podcasting is a very fun position to have. It really is. I mean, there's not many opportunities in the day to day life where you get to sit

in front of someone, talk to them about whatever you're talking about, and hone in and tap in. And regardless, there's no distractions. It's just this, that, and the other person. And people don't do that these days, I feel like, as much. No, I'm on my phone half the time these days. I know, that's why it's great to shut my phone out. It's why I think the podcasting aspect

has externalized in my own life where I feel like I'm a better listener now, as opposed to thinking of the next thing to say, as opposed to looking who's walking through the door, looking at my phone, I put it aside as if this is a podcast, only no one's listening, except us. And it just makes you more present because I think the past is gone,

the future hasn't happened. And literally every moment we have right now is the only moment we have. Absolutely, man. Yeah, because I look at my screen time and it's scary. Same. Oh my God. Terrifying. Nine hours a day for me.

I don't even know what mine is at. Maybe I haven't been looking at it much, but it's not healthy. It's not healthy. It's a good night's sleep on my phone. Yeah, I can't even watch a movie now without turning my phone. It's not bad.

I've noticed that too. I have to, I want to get rid of it. I can't wait till all my shit's handled. Like right now, you know, I have a couple people handing my social media, but I just want to get it completely handled so I really don't have to tap into that too. I have to I want to get rid of it I can't wait to all my shit's handled like right now, you know I have a couple people handing my social media, but I just want to get it completely handled So I really don't have to tap into that world because it is a it's technology now. It's great It's helpful in many ways, but it is not good at the same time. No, it's not I'm gonna do a dopamine detox this year. I'll just know just no no devices or anything that causes dopamine. So like sex

Whatever for three days. That's good. I would like to do that. Yeah. And then you could take it next level. You could do a darkness cave retreat. I've heard about that. Yeah. So you're in the dark for three to five days. What do you do? Nothing. Just meditate. Can't eat, can't do anything.

No mushrooms. No, that'd be trippy though. You'd be tripping balls in there with that. Dark. Well, I've been in an isolation tank on my show. Oh, a flow tank? I've done that too. That was wild. I spent more time on the floor naked in the shower than the isolation tank. That's a whole other conversation. Oh, so you were tripping, tripping.

Yeah, then I walked five miles home. I don't know what the fuck I was doing. I spent a lot of time by myself and that's clearly one of them. I've struggled with loneliness the majority of my life, being an only child. I'm the... I don't know if I felt lonely. I wonder if I've struggled with loneliness the majority of my life being an only child. I'm the I don't know if I felt lonely. I wonder if I've chased loneliness because I do travel alone by myself until that other person comes in my life. Of course, it'll change, but I've traveled by myself. I spend time by myself. I'm extroverted. Okay. But I feel like I need that alone time. I just need that alone time. I don't know. I like silence. I like not talking even though I talk for a living. Yeah. And I. And I think being comfortable with yourself

is the first step to being comfortable with someone else. Yeah, I agree. While you travel by yourself, not a lot of people do that. That's interesting. Not Americans. Every time I travel, I meet Europeans. They're constantly by themselves.

They think we're the weirdos. How long are you in town for? Like maybe three weeks. Like that's it? I'm like, what do you mean? Americans are the opposite. Americans are just, I don't know. Three weeks is gnarly.

By day five, I'm like getting bored, honestly. I mean, I meet people along the way, but I like getting into adventures. It's a weird feeling, because I feel that loneliness sometimes when I've traveled, and I've done it enough now where, okay, I would like companion at this point in my life. I just took a trip by myself, or I met friends,

I wasn't totally alone. When you find those alone moments, it is a little bit of an eerie feeling, but it gets you to sit in an uncomfortable place. And I partially like uncomfortable places, even though I don't like it in the moment, I embrace what's uncomfortable because to me, uncomfortable moments are where the gold is. Right. And I think that's where everything is found.

Yeah. And you just got to kind of put yourself through that. And I think that's just how I've kind of journeyed through my life for better or for worse. Yeah. Those uncomfortable moments suck in the moment, but they're so crucial for growth. If you're comfortable, how the hell are you going to, you're just not going to do anything. You're not going to move. You're not going to try and make a change. And I think being uncomfortable, whether it be trauma, grief, life shit, you literally need that to grow. It's just a reminder that you might have to change. It's a reminder to what's, what should be your priority in life. And I think if you avoid it

and try to run away from it and be escapist within uncomfortable moments, it's going to be tough to learn. Which is a default response for most people to escape it. Yeah, because we think we're, I think there's this innate survival mechanism or defense mechanism if you will to get out of uncomfortable situations biologically or mentally because it's uncomfortable, this isn't normal, we're in survival, fight or flight mode, but I think it's in order, we have to embrace it at the same time Yeah, and it's a balancing act to kind of counteract what your body's telling you that's been the biggest thing

I've been working on lately because I have an avoidant personality to have you taking that test shows like your attachment style. I Don't know if I've taken the test but someone concluded that I was whatever that means You was what I was I am an avoidant someone died someone told me that I was like I don't know what that means. That's impressive if they could do that without what is it? What does that mean exactly besides the nature? So when there's conflict you avoid it? So basically I have it because of childhood trauma Okay, I got yelled at I would go to my room. I wouldn't argue back interesting. There's secure attachment. There's avoidant There's anxious attachment and there's one more I don't know. I don't know what I don't think I avoid conflict

It depends a certain scenarios. I think conflict should be avoided They just no need to come for confront it because you just not gonna change other person's mind Yeah, I just nod and say okay, and then I'm done But then there's conflict that should be faced head-on agreed But being avoided in business has screwed me out of so much money and like so many business accolades. So I've been working on that. How are you avoided in business? Like at any time there's a competition, I just shut down.

Oh, interesting. Yeah. So I need to actually like, Stand on your own kind of? Hold my ground type stuff. Yeah. Because people just walk all over me. Yeah, I think I've been before the podcast still teching in me. I still handle real estate, but I think that taught me a lot in regards to the negotiation aspects,

specifically with business, where it's the back and forth and when to be passive, when to be aggressive, kind of taught me about life a lot, to be honest. Yeah, so you made your money before the pod. Yeah, as an agent, just representing buyers and sellers, I'm still technically doing that, but I'm gonna transition any phase of getting the podcast that next next level.

It's doing great, but it's not there yet where I can fully step aside. And it's getting there, which is fantastic, but real estate is still technically not there yet where I can fully step aside and it's getting there Which is fantastic, but real estate is still technically my day job. I just for the last year or two I've really just kind of turn that switch off. That's cool man. Who's your dream guest? You got a list? I got a lot. I mean my list is 17 pages 17 pages. Yeah It's nuts. I mean I could I don't know if I could put a 17 page

I mean I get I have people in my head I can draw mean, Pete Davidson's one of them just because he's a 9-11 boy, and I think that'd be a good conversation because he's been so public about it. I haven't sat down with someone who lost someone in 9-11. I really gear towards the comedians. I really want Theo Vaughn on the show, any of those big guys, honestly. Keanu Reeves is high on my list.

Keanu Reeves would be legend. He's gone through a lot of loss from my experience. Jim Carrey will be another one. But outside of that, I mean, I'm down to talk to anyone for the most part, but I would say those are my big fish. The comedians are fun. I just had Joe Gatto on. I could put you in touch with them.

That'd be awesome. Yeah. I love trading guests with other podcasts. Where can people watch your show? People can watch my show wherever you get your podcasts. YouTube, you can get it on social media. Any of the platforms, look up Dead Talks Podcasts, Apple, Spotify, yada, yada, yada.

Perfect. We'll link below. Thanks for coming on, man. I appreciate it, bud. Thank you so much. See you guys.