Digital Social Hour - Why Scheduling Sex Might Save Your Relationship I Holly Randall DSH #461

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

Why Scheduling Sex Might Save Your Relationship In this eye-opening episode of the Digital Social Hour, host Sean Kelly dives deep with Holly Randall, a veteran of the adult industry, to reveal why scheduling sex might just be the secret to saving your relationship. They discuss the struggles of maintaining intimacy amidst busy schedules, the unexpected benefits of planned intimacy, and how it can enhance your connection with your partner. Holly also opens up about her battle with alcoholism, the journey to sobriety, and the profound changes motherhood has brought into her life. Together, they debunk common adult industry myths and explore the nuanced relationships people form online, especially in a world where loneliness is rampant. Plus, they tackle controversial topics like the red pill movement's stance on adult content and the rising popularity of OnlyFans. Tune in for a candid, controversial, and clickbaity conversation that touches on everything from the healing powers of nature to the future of human connections. Don't miss out on this engaging episode that promises to challenge your perspectives on intimacy and relationships! APPLY TO BE ON THE PODCAST: https://forms.gle/D2cLkWfJx46pDK1MA **Sponsors:** PS Condoms: https://www.psgoodtimes.com/discount/Podcast10 Sick of ineffective products? PS has you covered with their top-rated men's products. Get 10% off using code PODCAST10 at PSGgoodtimes.com. Deposyt Payment Processing: https://www.deposyt.com/seankelly **Keywords:** podcast, Sean Kelly, Digital Social Hour, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Instagram, sponsors, business inquiries, going sober, adult industry myths, humans going extinct, time travel. Stay tuned for more thought-provoking discussions and exclusive offers! #AdultFilmProduction #HealthyCopingMechanisms #RedPillMovement #TransPerformers #HollyRandallUnfiltered CHAPTERS: 0:00 - Intro 0:43 - Holly Randall Interview 3:58 - Scheduling Sex Tips 5:18 - OnlyFans Insights 10:35 - Fake Cum Shots in Porn 13:53 - Evolution of Porn Genres 15:59 - Shooting a Video: Timeframe 18:35 - This Episode is Brought to You by PS 25:00 - Going Sober Journey 27:59 - Relapse After Rehab 29:25 - How You Met Your Husband 29:54 - Your Relapse Experience 32:13 - Does Porn Addiction Affect Sex? 34:58 - The NoFap Movement Explained 37:30 - Media Consumption & Children 38:30 - Where to Find Holly’s Work 38:55 - Thanks for Watching BUSINESS INQUIRIES/SPONSORS: [e-mail] LISTEN ON: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/digital-social-hour/id1676846015 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5Jn7LXarRlI8Hc0GtTn759 Sean Kelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seanmikekelly/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There's a lot of really lonely people out there and we live in like a very disconnected world. And for some people, you know, it's going to be very difficult for them to have real relationships. I've got guys with sensory processing issues, mental health struggles, handicaps. Because you'll often hear like, oh, you shouldn't be on OnlyFans or, you know, be hiring escorts or be engaging with sex workers. Go get yourself a real girlfriend. It's not that easy for everybody. This episode is presented by PS. Guys, are you sick of using products

that aren't effective or even good for you? PS has created products for men you actually want to use. Go to psgoodtimes.com and use discount code PODCAST10 for 10% off your order. All right, we got Holly Randall here. She's sober now.

Has a three-year-old. Times are changing, right? Yes. I would say my life is significantly different now than it was 10 years ago. Did you see this coming at all or did it just sort of happen? Which part? The sobriety or the child? I guess both, right?

Two different verticals. Well, I mean, I think I knew that, you know, when I was struggling with my alcoholism, which really, I think kind of started when I was 16, though I was definitely drinking before then, there was a part of me that knew that this was not the life that was destined for me, like this, this drinking all the time and basically throwing my life down the drain. So there was a part of me that knew that I would get to the other side somehow, but I didn't know how. So, so, so maybe, um, the child, I always thought that I wanted a kid. And then I went through a divorce with my first husband.

And then I sort of thought, well, maybe not because I'm getting older and perhaps the opportunity won't present itself and I have to be okay with that. So I sort of let go of the idea. And then I ended up getting pregnant at 40. Wow. Yeah. Because you're on the clock as a woman. 40 is like the last stop pretty much, right?

Yeah. And I didn't actually realize that until I started trying to have a second one, which I don't think is going to happen now at 45. But yeah, you're, you're definitely like you started to decline around like 35 or something like that. It's sort of a slow thing. And then at 40, it just drops off a cliff.

Wow. Like your ability. Cause the, the cellular makeup of your eggs just degrades. Yeah. And it's, I was very lucky to have gotten pregnant at 40 and had a very healthy, easy pregnancy and delivery. And I, I didn't realize that until after it happened.

So I feel very fortunate. Yeah, I was a late baby too. I think my mom was 38, 39. But you know what? I think it really is kind of, it ended up being the best thing for me. I was able to build a career. I was able to find the right man. I was able to go get my like mental health situation sorted out.

I was able to travel, do all the things I wanted to do. So when I had a kid, like I was ready, you know what I mean? As opposed to people who have kids young and they haven't had that life experience yet. And they haven't, they don't have that emotional maturity yet. Cause having a kid is, it's no joke. It's hard. It's a lot of work. Exactly. Cause if you had it in your twenties with the alcoholism and all the other stuff you were doing would have been tough yeah i mean you know i would like to think that i would have stopped drinking when i found out i was pregnant but like i can't be sure you know what i mean like so i'm so grateful that i was already sober did you know quick into the pregnancy or was it months in you found out oh no i um it was you know about right

after a couple days after i missed my period and i remember because we were sort of like we weren't like trying trying but we'd remove the goalie from the net so to speak and we were just kind of like we'll see what happens leave it up to the universe so um i just i don't know when i noticed i was a couple days late i remember like looking at my calendar when we had sex and i was like hmm it's right before avn actually wow and uh and i thought i might be pregnant and then yeah i got the test and the rest is history the rest is history speaking of calendars uh what do you think of scheduling sex because like some people put it on the calendar do you like to have it just spontaneously or um

no i gotta admit like we're not very spontaneous oh yeah we do tend to have to schedule sex most of the time okay i mean there are spontaneous moments but um you know when you have a kid and you both work like full-time jobs um it's it's hard yeah it's really hard so you know the other day actually we we we scheduled it we you know got a babysitter for my daughter i got lingerie we did the whole thing you know we filmed it you'll never see it but um yeah and it was actually like it was really fun i feel that i used to film but i just don't trust trust iPhone camera rolls I feel like you could get hacked or something yeah so I just stopped yeah I I gave it um I gave it to my husband and then I deleted it off of my phone but even if you delete it like there's another folder where you have to delete it from that folder too yeah I know I know it's pretty weird you have to because

it sits in your trash for like 39 days and now there's 29 days yeah now they're saying Snapchat never actually deletes what you delete. They just store it. Well, good thing I didn't film it on Snapchat. But what about the nudes you used to send and stuff like that? I mean, I have an only fan.

So if you want to see those, you can pay for that. Little plug. That's already out there. You still posting actively there? Is it more, you know, I am,

I am. It's actually been way more successful than I expected. I only shoot news of soft core. I don't do anything explicit, which a lot of people are disappointed about. But, I mean, it's just been, like, it's been too financially rewarding and it's given me too much freedom in terms of what I want to do with my career to, like, not be doing it. And it's been, you know, you know nice like connecting with fans and

i've actually developed you know some like relationships with people and really i mean you know like i'm i mean we're not like hanging out but i'm like fond of these people you know and they tell me about their life and and um you know it's like i don't know i care about them yeah there's some interesting fans there's some super fans so the guy that spent half a million dollars on ruby roads i think um he's coming on the show next week it's like wow people are spending full-time salaries on some of these girls only fans you know there's a lot of really lonely people out there and we live in like a very disconnected world especially i think since and i think it just kind of points to how isolated people generally feel these days you know yeah um and and finding that connection online and for some people

you know it's going to be very difficult for them to have real relationships with you know in-person people you know you've got guys with sensory process processing issues, mental health struggles, handicapped, stuff like that. And, you know, because you'll often hear like, oh, you shouldn't be on OnlyFans or, you know, be hiring escorts or be engaging with sex workers. Go get yourself a real girlfriend. It's not that easy for everybody. You know, I have this one guy who's actually a member of my Patreon and he sent me

this really beautiful note about why he, you know, pays escorts. And, you know, he said, I'm in a wheelchair. So it's very, you know, people say, go get a girlfriend. He's like, I have a very hard time meeting girls who want to date me. You know, they're generally not looking for a guy in a wheelchair. It's very hard. And, you know, I, so when I have these sex workers and I, and I pay them for their time, sure. But like, you know, we still have a connection and a relationship, you know, and, and I enjoy their time and they seem to enjoy spending time with me and it's a transactional relationship, but it's something that, you know, fulfills the needs that i otherwise wouldn't have met i could see that point of view yeah so my dad had really

severe autism so he had trouble connecting with people yeah so he had trouble dating yeah but yeah he would hire like escorts and stuff it's really interesting alice little was one of the most fascinating interviews i had on my podcast she worked at um the Bunny Ranch for a while and she like kind of specialized in men with sensory processing disorders like autism and stuff like that. And she had like a very specific way of learning how to how to even touch them. You know, some of them like wanted a very hard touch. They didn't like a light touch. And it was really interesting to hear her talk about it. And she really saw her work as a kind of physical therapy, which know you know may sound laughable to some people but when you hear her really talk

about it it makes sense yeah i could see that 100 now you mentioned only fans earlier as someone that was directing adult films for like almost 20 years when only fans first came out did you embrace it or were you kind of apprehensive oh i thought it was a joke i was like this isn't gonna go anywhere i bought i bought i registered my name because i just you know whenever a new platform comes out i want to get my name because i don't want anyone else to take it but i was like this isn't gonna go anywhere and i remember at the time they had like the automatic retweets on so if someone signed up if you connected your twitter, it would say like, someone just joined my OnlyFans. It was like so irritating, you know? But yeah, I really didn't ever think that it was going to take off.

And then sure enough, it would hit. And, you know, that loneliness that we talked about just now, I think really manifested itself in that time. It blew up. OnlyFans blew up. Yeah. And did that kind of take away from your business a lot um no just like only fans because you were directing adult films right so did the transition a lot of these girls left that to go to only fans right you know i mean yes there were definitely

some of my favorite performers who weren't really coming back to work for the studios anymore because they were making so much money on only fans but i know a lot of directors and producers have seen that as a negative thing i don't necessarily think that that's the case i only want to work with people who want to be on set not everybody wants to be on set all the time work all the time work for um a one you know one paycheck no residuals that's all you get. You go home. And so I think it's created a more egalitarian industry, you know, where performers now have the kind of power that they never had before and brands and studios recognize this. And so they're starting to treat creators in a different way and creators are starting to you know demand the things that they deserve and be able to make choices that work for them and i just think

it's just made an overall better place to work yeah i have a question about uh the cum shots on set so i'm seeing some stuff online saying that they're faked yes Yes. So it depends. Um, the, so generally we should stills before we shoot video. Right. And you usually don't want to ask a guy to come twice because often we will shoot all the stills. We will cut, we will bring in different lights for the video. And so we use fake come for the stills. Also the real come doesn't show up as well as like the fake stuff that we use. Cetaphil is a very popular kind that we use and it has to be the face wash. It can't be the lotion. And it's sometimes hard to figure out which one's which.

One has like a green label and one has like a blue label. And if you get the wrong one, it just looks looks like somebody just it just looks like lotion on you um so uh uh daiquiri mix also works sometimes and that is obviously easier to put in your mouth instead of film yeah face wash yeah that sounds gross yeah it's it like numb your mouth a little bit yeah pretty nasty wow but yeah so so often we will use fake come for the stills and then hopefully we'll come for the video but you know sometimes if the guy can't finish we've had to come up with creative ways to make it look like he did is that common um it depends on who you're working with. I had the privilege of working for a lot of the bigger brands and therefore being able to hire top tier male talent.

Right. And those guys pretty much always finish. It's a very difficult job and there's only a small group of men who can do it. And so in my experience, most of the guys that I worked with, no problem. Faking cum shots is something that sometimes is necessary, can be definitely a messy job. And I know not everybody at home wants cum all over the place. And if you want to keep your cum in one specific place, you could wear a condom. You could wear one of these condoms.

And then your cum could end up in this condom and not in your or all over your face i remember actually these guys sponsored my podcast for a hot minute it's got a lovely magnetic box fancy oh and i actually like how how look how like lovely this is presented you know if you had a lady friend over and you're like, Madame, would you like a, would you like a condom, Madame? She'd be like, oh, thank you. I feel like I'm picking out like tea bags for like my tea. Yeah, it's definitely a baller vibe for sure.

Keep those at the nightstand. I love, I love how he left me the XLs. Of course, of course, that's the only size that he has. Oh. Okay. Let's see. Because I haven't used a condom in a while. Really?

I mean, I'm married with a kid. So these are like very thin. Let's see. Let's see how they smell. Rubbery? They smell like rubber. Yeah. But yeah.

I mean, I feel like these look uh damn these are big condoms this would hold a lot of a lot of sperm you heard it here guys ps condoms we'll link it in the video below how have you seen the genres evolve over time like the ones that are hot and have you seen those change or have you seen them kind of consistent over the past 20 years i would say like the biggest change i've seen is like the milf genre that definitely did not exist when i first started back in like the uh god i think it was 2000 when i started 1999 damn yeah i know i'm born in 97 so you were doing this yeah i was a baby yep yeah i was 20 years old so um and yeah milf was not a category at all it was generally like all you know the top stars look the same thin blonde big tits and um you know young and and the milf craze has really

taken off and it's stayed and it's remained right it's like it hasn't ebbed it hasn't gone down it's still incredibly popular yeah um, so that's been really interesting. So that's definitely like a genre that I've seen really grow. And then obviously like the trans genre, um, and, um, the BBW genre. And I think it's also a matter of brands, um, being more inclusive of different kinds of body types and that kind of thing. Absolutely. Wait, you said trans genre and that kind of thing. Absolutely. Wait, you said trans genre as well? The trans genre, yeah.

Really? Oh, yeah. I didn't even know that was a thing. Oh, yeah. So what does that look like? Generally looks like tits and a p***. Tits and a p***. Wow. So you have, yeah. So you have a lot of like big trans stars, um, that, you know, are doing scenes with either other women or other men. And that's, I think, you know, it's probably

always done well, but it's been more underground before because it was so stigmatized. And now as, you know, people have become more accepting of it and trans people have come out and become more vocal. It's it's had more visibility. And you have brands like browsers shooting trans scenes for their sites. I shot a trans scene for browsers. Wow. Yeah. Interesting.

And how many hours are you on set typically for one video? Generally, 10 is average. That 10 is a good day. Just for one video? Generally 10 is average. 10? 10's a good day. Just for one video? Yeah. Wow, because people just watch it. It's like 10 minutes, but I guess they don't assume what goes into it, right?

Yeah. I mean, there's a lot, right? So there's obviously makeup and hair. Then there's the setup. There's the stills. There's the dialogue if there is dialogue to it. And then there's the uh dialogue if there is a it is dialogue to it um and then there's you know the sex scene hopefully you break for lunch and you feed your crew so yeah there's a lot that goes into it yeah but again it depends on what you're shooting um there have been brands that

i've had to shoot like two scenes a day for and that was a bit more rushed but in the last my last like year of shooting i was fortunate enough to just shoot one scene but there was a lot more attention to detail in those scenes do people still watch the dialogue stuff because i used to just skip that to be honest but like i know it was popular we'd like to tell ourselves that they do because we spend the most amount of time on those parts. But I probably most people skip it. I feel that. Yeah, because it just feels I don't know how to word it like the acting.

I don't know. They're not actors. So it's. Yeah. I mean, you know, I think, though, you would be surprised. There are some scenes and some movies that I think there's like been some really impressive acting. And I think that adult performers have evolved a lot in that skill, but I know what you're talking about. Most of them are pretty much like,

Oh, I'm stuck in the dryer. Like hi, step brother. How was school? You know, that kind of thing. So,

um, but there's definitely exceptions to the rule for sure. Yeah. I feel like the step thing got overplayed. The stepsister stuff. Oh yeah. It's still being overplayed. You still do that are you kidding me really yeah it's such a big that is actually another genre that um really blew up that did not exist back when i started wow i don't get it must be a southern thing or something you know i think that there's a lot of like um there's a lot of families that a lot of people that have grown up in,

you know, disjointed families, children of divorce and stuff like that. I've heard that that's a theory, right. That they, um, so they're introduced to this new person who becomes a part of their family,

but they didn't grow up with them. They're not related to them. Yeah. I don't know. Interesting. There's gotta be like a whole psychology behind it yeah probably a therapist could speak more intelligently about than i i love that you probably directed well hundreds if not thousands at this point of videos oh yeah i mean yeah thousands wow do you have do

you have a few that stand out to you as like your favorite oh man it's tough to pick a question and i've and i've shot so many different genres of things, right? I've shot like stuff for playboy. So that would be just like solo girl, you know, pretty girl stuff. Um, and then obviously I've shot, you know, actual full length feature movies. Some of them have gone to Showtime, um, and I've shot, you know, individual scenes. So it's really hard to say. I think probably a lot of my favorite work was shooting for Twisties, which is an all-girl-girl site.

And I would shoot their Tree of the Month stuff. This episode is presented by PS. Guys, are you sick of using products that aren't effective or even good for you? PS has created products for men that you actually want to use. These guys have done a ton of research and it shows. they got thousands of five-star reviews across all their products from condoms to supplements not only that but they've somehow found a way to make big jokes appropriate at their office go to psgoodtimes.com and use discount code podcast 10 for 10 off your order so it's like girl of the month and i got to be really creative and artistic with that stuff so

that's probably like my favorite series of work would be the twist of the month stuff that's how i started girl on girl when i was 16 i think yeah came across it on accident really yeah i didn't even know what masturbating was really yeah wow yeah super interesting how'd you come across it on accident i just like looked up you accidentally looked so yeah fingers on the keyboard yeah i looked up girls kissing and then i was like oh that's hot and then i was like oh girls kissing naked that was my next search and then came up so that's how it happened man at 16 all accidental i was late though apparently most people masturbate way earlier than that yeah that's especially for a boy yeah because the hormones you guys experience through puberty is

pretty yeah i think i was late though yeah ninth grade for me it's the first time interesting what about for you that's a good question definitely not 16 i mean i lost my virginity at 16 and i was late like compared to all the rest of my friends. Really? 16 is early for me. I know. I lost mine at 19. I was like the last one of all of my friends to lose my virginity. Damn, who are you hanging out with? A bunch of hoes, obviously.

Wow. Yeah, I don't know. Masturbation probably. God, I can't say. I mean, preteens for sure. Okay. I think. Is it true a lot of girls lie about masturbating i'm sure they do women are not exactly encouraged to embrace their sexuality yeah so it's like look down on it yeah it's weird definitely i mean like for men too you know there's a lot of shame around self-pleasure and sexuality and i think that that causes a lot of problems yeah you think it's kind of like religious a lot of it i think stems from religion um yeah you know it's just a fear of um sexuality fear

fear of you know i don't i don't know i mean being judged i guess yeah attempt to control people and and their pleasures and but you know i find that the more that you try to suppress people's sexuality the more that it comes out in other kind of sick and twisted ways so i think it's an incredibly unhealthy thing to do i agree because you hear that with uh children that are raised in like a environment that's so strict like you got to be home by a certain time and then they go off to college and they just go crazy yeah yeah definitely drugs and parties definitely and also like countries where you know sexuality is incredibly repressed you see a lot of violence against women yeah in societies like that you see a lot of

interesting kinks and fetishes um come out of that so you probably see some interesting kinks and fetishes i mean i learned that so you probably see some interesting kinks and fetishes i mean i learned something really interesting about bukkake what about it which i thought you know bukkake is yeah okay i've seen a couple of videos on accident yeah on accident of course so bukkake was something that was started in japan and in japan they they blur out the genitals right but they don't blur out the cum so it was kind of a way for them to get around the whole blurring out genitals thing so it kind of like manifested in this whole like dumping loads of cum wow that's how it was invented yeah i didn't know they blurred the balls out there yeah and the balls uh oh no i think the whole thing wow in the

balls and but not the face or anything no not the face just the genitals i wonder why they do that it's a it's a government thing wow yeah i know some governments ban entirely right yeah a couple countries like that yeah but then people just use vpns probably yeah definitely damn us got to be. Damn. US has got to be one of the biggest consumers, right? Yeah. Yeah. I think the biggest consumers and producers of... Damn. Yeah.

I think they've done studies on like what percentage of people watch it and something absurd. Yeah. I mean, you know, people are, we're all sexual preachers, right? That's how we got here. Yeah. You're in the right industry. Yeah.

Directing these. You just won a ABN Hall of Fame, right? Yes. Congrats on that thank you what was that like um it was about time you know 25 years i've been in the industry i was kind of like come on people come on like it's time i get that so yeah no it was really nice you know i mean to be recognized um felt really good it's very i've never won an avian award before. Wow. And you've done a lot of stuff. I know. It's very embarrassing.

Our friend, uh, Damon Dice has won quite a few. So yeah. Yeah. No, I never, never won one.

Damn. So I got the hall of fame one. It's a very sturdy, heavy trophy. And that's like the best one. So you're just coming out with a statement with that one. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I think it was, I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if it was more of a like, all right, holly we'll give you a hall of fame shut up about it will you damn so you were really that was like the one final checklist item you wanted huh in that industry yeah i mean i think you know it was uh it like i said it was it was time yeah you've done so much at this point worked with the biggest names there's not much else you could do in that space i feel like yeah yeah i mean i've i've been fortunate i've been really fortunate

i've worked for almost every single brand i've shot almost every single big name like you said um i've i've been able to do a lot and it's been it's been really rewarding yeah i want to talk about the new transition into your life how you met your husband going sober and all that stuff so talk to me about that yeah so like i said you know i started struggling with alcoholism when i was i think when i was 16 when i was when i really like started drinking and you know i went off to college and i remember thinking to myself you know i drank all through college and i kind of wore that with like a badge as a badge of honor right my ability to like out drink men and like all my friends like it was like i was so cool like a flex yeah exactly right um never mind that it procured some really

embarrassing moments you know that's all par for the course it happens to everyone in college right yeah i got some videos out there too thank god god cell phones weren't around back when i was in college oh my god thank god for that because anyways so um yeah and i remember like i graduated college and all of my friends you know started all the friends that you know that i partied with they started to you know get jobs and like you know, that I partied with, they started to, you know, get jobs and like, you know, drink less, they stopped smoking six foot long loads. And I just kept like waiting to grow up. I figured I would wake up one morning and I would just be like, Oh, I'm, I don't want to drink that much anymore. I don't want to smoke that much weed anymore, you know,

because I'm a grownup now. And I just figured it would happen. And it like wasn't happening. Not only was it not happening, I was getting worse. And, um, I really didn't know or understand what alcoholism was like. Nobody in my family had ever been to treatment or anything like that. And I remember saying to my father that, you know, I said, dad, I think I might be an alcoholic. And he said, Oh, you can't be an alcoholic alcoholics are the you know kind of guy people that drink in the morning and i was like okay well i'm not drinking in the morning yet and then i started drinking in the morning just at first just to stop the shakes because i was getting like the dts and then it was just like around the clock like what's dts um it said like the tremors that you get from withdrawals. Wow. From alcohol. Yeah.

I didn't know you could get it from alcohol. Oh yeah. When you drink like all the time. Damn. Yeah. It can kill you too. Holy crap. Yeah.

So, um, and then I started drinking in the morning and, um, yeah, it started to take over my life and I tried everything but stopping drinking. I tried, you know, I was like, oh, I must be depressed if I go on, you know, antidepressants that I won't be depressed anymore. I won't drink anymore. And, you know, I just drank on Prozac. I drank on Zoloft, which made me so weird. And I just tried everything that I possibly could. And then finally, one day I was like, I need to go to rehab.

Like, I just, i don't know it wasn't like any one specific thing that happened it was just i think i just i don't know i was just tired of like every morning having that conversation with myself in the shower today will be different today will be different and it never was and then i went to rehab and but i didn't think that i was like really an alcoholic. I thought, I just need to go away for 30 days, um, like figure my shit out and then I'll come back and I'll be fine. Right. Like I'm going to go and I'm going to, you know, get cured and then I'll come back and drink like a lady. And, uh, sure enough, that didn't happen. I didn't drink for three

months. And then, um, I went out to dinner for my birthday with my family and I ordered a glass of wine. My mom looked at me like, I just sent you to rehab. Like what the fuck are you ordering wine for? And this is the scary thing about alcoholism. I took her hand and I looked her in the eyes and I meant this with every, every part of me. And I said, mom, I promise you, I will never drink like that again. I know now like, you know, how to behave. I know why I did that. I have all of this knowledge that I've gained, right. From rehab.

And I know now how to, how to fix this. I won't ever drink like that again. And I, I thought that was true. I thought like knowing these things would be able to like intellectualize my way out of alcoholism and it doesn't it doesn't work like that wow and so you know six months later i was back damn just because of that wine glass it kind of spiraled oh yeah yeah the minute you flip that switch in my brain it's over wow like it's just like it creates this obsession that you just can't control it's really strange and it's kind of impossible to describe to somebody who hasn't experienced it i had it with xanax a little bit

probably not on this level but yeah it's it's hard because you can't cut it or else you'll have a seizure like withdrawal so it's a tough spot to be in but it's also like it's just like that obsessive mind and obsessive thinking right and i think alcoholism manifests itself in different people in different ways like it doesn't necessarily have to be alcohol it can be drugs it can be food it can be sex it can be like so many different things right um and so then i went back to rehab and uh then i was sober for seven years and then i relapsed on accident long Long story. I won't get into it. Um, and then, yeah, next four and a half years, I struggled to get a year and, and then I did. And now I have like five and a half years. Wow. Five and a half years sober. Incredible. Yeah. So the rest of your life,

you're pretty much going to be sober then. I mean, you know, I, I try not to predict the future and speak in absolutes because you never know, that's the goal yeah i'm i'm pretty much not drinking at all right now yeah i might have a something on my wedding night but yeah i used to drink every day i just don't yeah i don't and i still and this is how like i know i'm an alcoholic right like i still don't understand why people like have one beer like why would you just drink that it's either blackout or nothing for you what yeah i mean it's just like it's just like if you want to don't you want to feel good like alcohol makes you feel good yeah right i

mean initially right don't you want to feel that way all the time like why do you want that to stop yeah like i don't like i want it to keep going and i and i want it to never it's like chasing that feeling. Yeah. Right. And you can never, but you can never like hold onto it and then you overdo it. And it's just like, I feel like you spend all this time trying to manage feeling a certain way. It's just, it's a mess. Were you like that with weed too?

Yeah. All the way. Oh yeah. Yeah. I had a little weed addiction. People say you can't be addicted to weed. I think that's BS. I mean, it's like that obsessiveness, right?

I mean, I guess it depends on what you consider addiction to be. Your body doesn't necessarily like need that, right? Like you can stop weed and you won't have like a grand mal seizure or get sick or something like that. But in terms of like the mental obsession like it feeds into that for sure yeah well i know some people that can't eat can't sleep unless they're high yeah so i would consider that addiction yeah i mean it's funny right there's some people can function so well on it and like they need it to keep them like right and to help them meet like madison ivy was a good example like she she had, you know,

all these gastrointestinal issues and she would smoke weed so that she could eat. Otherwise she couldn't eat. And some people function really well on it. Yeah. Do you care if a client when you're on set is high at all? I mean, look, it's legal now. Right. So I can't, I can't prevent it. There's nothing I can do. I mean, you can take a vape pen like i can't stop you so um and you know some people need it medically and i'm i'm not one to step in i'm not a doctor you say like you can't do this but i mean ultimately i don't want drugs on set i feel but if you're somebody some people are just high all the fucking time you know and they can function fine like that so some people will say it makes sex better too yeah yeah it works differently for everybody it's interesting yeah i'm not a fan

of drunk sex because i feel like you lose kind of the pleasure yeah it's not as like intimate yeah i'm about that i'm weird i'm like about that spiritual connection you know oh that's so weird well these days it is i mean i don't know i think that that's a very healthy way to look at sex. Yeah. I've had a lot of drunk sex where I don't remember it at all. Wow. So that's kind of scary.

Yeah. I've definitely woken up next to a guy and been like, I have no idea what happened last night. Damn. And I'm not going to ask because I don't want to hear the answer. Oh my gosh. That is crazy. Yeah.

I'd be freaking out if that happened to me. You know, it was just, I mean, look like when you black out as much as I did, you just kind of accept it. Wow. I'm just like, well, it's cool to see you turn a new page though. Thank you. It's been a journey and I'm actually very grateful for it because it forced me to take a long, hard look at myself and it forced me to employ certain mechanisms on learning how to cope with life in a healthy way. And I'm really grateful for those tools that I've learned. Absolutely. Yeah.

My dad went through so many phases of it. He would drink a case of beer a day. Wow. 30 cans. Wow. So I just saw what it did to him. And I was like, wow. I know.

It's tough. It is. It's something that really damages people but you know also a lot of people can imbibe in a healthy way it's like too you know like people talk about how it's an addiction yeah and but most people are not addicted but you see these people call out for an outlawing because **** because it's damaging and it damages family and it damages relationships. Well, so does alcohol. And I'm somebody who experienced that firsthand, but I'm not calling out for all alcohol to be banned for all people.

That's crazy because there's plenty of people who can drink alcohol in a healthy way. So why would I take that away from them just because I can't drink alcohol in a healthy way so why would i take that away from them just because i can't manage it in a healthy way it's the same people for the people it's the same for those you know who believe that addiction is because they have addiction it damages everyone and should be outlawed it's just like yeah it's hard to give broad advice i will say the red pill movement seems to be against right now yeah and i want to hear your thoughts on that as someone in that industry because they are advocating all young men pretty much not to watch it at all

yeah i mean you know again it's kind of like what i just mentioned like no like studies have shown that is actually not an addiction but what it is is like a compulsion right and so people are compulsed are following this compulsion to constantly like reward these you know pleasure receptors in their brain and that can manifest itself in so many ways like an instagram social media netflix food like so many things but like the what what defines addiction um does not apply to and again like i would say that you know a psychiatrist can explain this in a much better way than i can i'm not going to try to pretend to because i'm going to misspeak in some way have you seen the numbers go down at all since this red pill movement started gaining traction

so it didn't even affect it the only thing it does is just make people feel ashamed right about you know about their sexuality and about self-pleasure it did actually yeah i mean i kind of stopped watching most of it i used to watch it a lot i mean look if it's if it's anything that is taking over your life in an unhealthy way should be something that you should look at. Right. Right. But again, like there's so many things besides that also do that to us. But you don't see people, you know, out there starting a movement against Instagram. Like how many people like waste hours doom scrolling, waste hours on social media, waste hours on their phones. Lots of people.

I mean, so many people. But do you see people like going out there, you know, they want to ban all phones? No. They actually did go after TikTok. Did you see people like going out there you know they want to ban all phones no they actually did go after tiktok did you see that uh yes yeah so i think the state of what was it utah banned it yeah for kids which is interesting but yeah no i agree with you social media is way more addicting yeah i mean hours a day easily and look like i understand the situation with children and obviously like children you know no one's going to advocate for children watching. But, um, you know, any, any of these media types that like encourage, you know, a constant

like watching and to keep you like locked in is, is not healthy, but also to, you know, we've got to look at what we're allowing our kids to watch and how much media we're allowing our kids to consume and how early we're giving our kids phones yeah and i think that this is something that a lot of parents didn't really think about because phones are and all that stuff's kind of new so i think about this stuff with my daughter you know who's three um and i think like how am i going to manage her media consumption when she gets older? And I think we'll have a lot more knowledge

and ideas about how to do that by the time she's of age. Yeah, it's going to be tough. I caught the tail end of it. Like Instagram came out when I was in high school, but I look back on my childhood and I'm so thankful I lived without that because I played outside.

Yeah. I had real friends in real life. Yeah, totally. I i mean my parents limited my tv watching when i was a kid i could only watch it on the weekends um like saturday morning cartoons and then sometimes like after four and i could watch the nova special with my dad like on mondays which was a nice show but that was it and you probably hated that at the time but now looking back yeah so grateful for that right yeah they were like no you're not sitting in front of the TV all day. Go read a book. I love that.

Holly, it's been fun. Anything you want to promote or close off with? Yeah. So I am, obviously I have a podcast, Holly Randall Unfiltered. You can find that on YouTube, on all podcast platforms. And I'm actually working on putting out my very first personally curated art photography book, which will be launching on Kickstarter in the next few months. You can just follow me on all my socials to find out about that. HollyLinks.com.

Love it. I'll grab a copy. Thanks for coming on. Thank you. Thanks for watching, guys, as always. See you tomorrow. This is an ad by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables?

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