Digital Social Hour - Wylie McGraw Helps Billionaires Fight Their Demons | Digital Social Hour #114

Episode Date: September 26, 2023

On today's episode of Digital Social Hour, we sit down with Wylie McGraw and talk about why he pushes people out of airplanes, how he helps people with their PTSD & how he coaches some of the top lead...ers and CEO's and help them get to the next level. BUSINESS INQUIRIES/SPONSORS: Jenna@DigitalSocialHour.com APPLY TO BE ON THE POD: https://forms.gle/qXvENTeurx7Xn8Ci9 SPONSORS: HelloFresh: https://www.hellofresh.com/50dsh - Use code "50dsh" for 50% off plus 15% off the next 2 months! LISTEN ON: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/digital-social-hour/id1676846015 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5Jn7LXarRlI8Hc0GtTn759 Sean Kelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seanmikekelly/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:30 Burnout. Burnout becomes a personality problem rather than just working too hard because there's no such thing as working too hard. If you're in the right lane, you only reveal someone's character. When you stress them, push someone and stress them. Watch what happens. You get to reveal who they really are. It's easy to tell people I love you, but it's in the storm is when you find out what people are really made of and what they're actually capable of doing
Starting point is 00:00:52 for you and with you. welcome back to the digital social hour i'm your host sean kelly i'm here with my co-host wayne lewis what up what up and our guest today wiley mcgraw how's it going gentlemen doing great how about you wiley i like the name appreciate it yeah i've never heard that name actually yeah it was good rhymes with miley happy to be a bad kid terrible probably no athlete yeah yeah athlete yeah what type of sports uh baseball baseball yep that's a lot of i mean i played football and soccer those were you know my very athletic household but i grew up with a semi-pro ball player father okay who you know my talent three four years old throwing a ball put me on the mound right away and started training me so i was a pitcher yeah yeah i kind of like the position picture because it's like
Starting point is 00:01:49 you have to stand out like it's leadership everybody's watching the picture absolutely i don't really know who hit the ball but i know who the pitcher is every game and it's a lot of mental mind games yeah it's mental work uh focusing on um managing your your emotions, your mental state. It's focusing on fundamentals, being a leader for the team. You set the standard and the tone. It's a lot of work. What goes through your head when you throw
Starting point is 00:02:16 a pitch perfect and he hits a homer? What's the first thought like? It's an instant sigh. I've had a couple uh a couple batters when i played take take me yard is what you know they call it yeah yeah you throw you know 80 mile an hour fastball 85 mile an hour fastball in the right spot you think that batter is weak at because you do you know you study the the the opponent but when they take you yard it's
Starting point is 00:02:40 a sigh and then it's an instant get back in the game you don't have time to to sulk worry or wallow in maybe what mistakes you made you learn that in that moment and then you just keep moving forward yeah wow discipline at a young age learning how to have that mental focus was uh difficult but it you know anything good is is not easy so right absolutely yeah talk to me about being a leader yeah yeah talk to me about focus because that's one thing you teach others how to improve on and a lot of people struggle with maintaining focus. Well, I will say that I'm not a teacher per se as more as a confidant and a battle buddy that's in the trenches, holistically powerful people. And part of that is redirecting their focus. We need an outside force most of the time to help redirect our focus, especially the more we become successful
Starting point is 00:03:25 in life. We tend to believe that the higher the ladder we climb, the more money we make, the more popularity we build, that we need less and less support. So we get these asymmetrical growths and personal performance that kind to convolute our focus and ability to really see blind spots in the way that we used to when we were starting out. So going back to you asking about teaching, yes, I can say, I guess I teach it in a format that is very integrated where I'm in the individual's life like this and everything that happens in the moment life is happening that throws focus off. I help redirect it by pushing them into those spaces where they don't want to go so that they can see the difference in contrast between what they have been focusing on and why they're lacking
Starting point is 00:04:04 in their ability to truly be elite versus what it actually takes to take their game to another level and what are some common distractions you see at the elite level that are throwing people off their game uh yeah bless you the belief that they've made made it and do not need to do anything more that's the the biggest complacentness absolutely i had a conversation with a uh just retired professional baseball player we had an hour-long call um and one of the things he said to me was That's the biggest complacency. Absolutely. I had a conversation with a just retired professional baseball player. We had an hour long call. And one of the things he said to me was, I wish I would have known you existed when I was playing. He said, the problem is that people see us at the top of our game. They see the millions of dollars we make, the notoriety, the sponsorships, and they
Starting point is 00:04:39 think we are the best of the best. We are elite, but they don't realize the majority of professional athletes are suffering. Their lives are not as optimal as they want them to be. And that is actually, he said, by design, he says, we were performing at about 60 to 70% of our true capacity because the dysfunctions of leadership with the team owners, the team managers hold them at a certain level. He said, if we were at a hundred percent, a hundred percent of the time, they'd have to pay us more money and they don't want to do that. So why would they bring in resources that truly challenge us, stretch us and pushes beyond our own limitations in a way that makes us 100% elite at all times where our relationships are thriving.
Starting point is 00:05:15 Our health is optimal all the time. We are not experiencing burnout, stress and pain playing through that. We don't get that option. They give us us some support but they need to keep us at a certain level because these leaders themselves the owners the team uh managers are not their best either so why would they be able to do it yeah you believe that the system in place is to keep athletes kind of like really mentally worry in a sense so that they don't always peak at those levels or they don't have the right amount of support here and there to kind of throw, throw them off a little bit. Athletes, it's CEOs, it's entrepreneurs, no matter what title or job they have high
Starting point is 00:05:56 achievers. I don't even want to call it high performance because if you're living true high performance, you're high performance in all areas of your life Your relationships are thriving your health is optimal your mindset your focus our discipline your clean All the way around what we have this again this asymmetrical focus on how much money can I make how fast I can do it? And how many followers I can get to me. That's the metric of Success is what people think it is, but not for me personally. That's not what it's all about. I think success should be defined by how well you're living your life, how well you're able to influence others in a very meaningful, positive manner, rather than just by a metric, a number or a bank account. So these people, these athletes, I'm coming from the table with
Starting point is 00:06:39 this conversation with this gentleman who said straight to me, widely, this is how they keep us at 60 to 70%. Can you imagine who we would be if we were allowed to be full throttle a hundred percent all the time? Wow. But if our owners are not a hundred percent, if they're addicted to drugs, to alcohol, to prostitutes, if they're literally not living a clean life, why would they allow us to do that? They're not even focused. So it trickles down. It truly is a leadership failure where we have people in positions of power that hold the title leader, but they are not operating as real leaders. So the nature of even what it is that I've seen over the last 14 years doing the
Starting point is 00:07:14 work I do is getting into the trenches with these people and actually battling and slaying their personal demons, optimizing who they are, getting all areas of their life to a different standard. And the byproducts become exponential growth and wealth impact and bottom line. The byproducts become more notoriety, more movement in their legacy and the businesses that they run and lead. Yeah. Athletes as well, they perform even better. Right. So you're around successful people all the time. Right. Do you see a lot of burnout and stress in their lives? And if so, what do you tell them? The burnout I have found across the board comes from the rigid personality traits that come with the, I would say, the landscape of being a high achiever. Achievement is an ability to accumulate, but that does not necessarily mean your life is where you want it to be. And what happens is we get caught up in this idea that I need to
Starting point is 00:08:06 sacrifice all of these elements of my life for the sake of what society says is success, building a business, making money, scale, scale, scale. That's true. We get all these influencers that that's all they talk about. And the noise of that drowns people's ability to actually see their own path to where they need to go. And then they try to emulate a successful person. Hey, Grant Cardone says do this. So I'm going to follow exactly how he does it. And then they end up becoming burned out because it's maybe not designed for them specifically.
Starting point is 00:08:33 It's not focused on the uniqueness of the individual. And we create this drone-like society that says, well, so-and-so built a system. If I follow that system, I can have it too. And then you have what I call this never ending quest and chase of high performance and peak performance rather than learning how to master it for yourself and experiencing what success might look like for you. So we're basing success off of everyone else's success and not our own. Right. So when I was a pitcher, I played in the eighties. I was trained by the California Angels pitching staff because of my dad's connections.
Starting point is 00:09:07 My dad knows Rod Carew, Bo Jackson, all those guys. Reggie Jackson. I grew up around these guys. So when I was being trained by like Burt Blylevin, Jim Abbott, they were teaching me the fundamentals of being a better pitcher. Not on my speed, but on how to make sure that my delivery, my focus, my ability to understand the game as I'm in the middle of the pitch or even on the mound getting ready to deliver that pitch, that changed my ability to differentiate between speed of success rather than me as the pitcher and performance on that mound.
Starting point is 00:09:40 So it comes back down to the fact that if you are following these people, I didn't look at Jim Abbott and go, I want to be just like him. Right. Just like when I got in the military, I didn't look at the leaders as a private in the army and say, I'm going to do exactly like he did. What I started to do was I'm going to take the best qualities and traits of the leaders I would follow into hell and back. And as I get older and I get more wise and I become a leader myself, I'm going to develop my own leadership style based on principles that i've learned and adopted but not mimic when you mimic you get trapped you get caught up and that's what leads back to your question burnout burnout becomes a personality problem rather than just uh working too hard because there's no such thing as working too hard if you're in the right lane right wow i love that yeah people compare themselves and then they feel that anxiety
Starting point is 00:10:25 yeah yeah they emulate so what they try to do is instead of finding who they are they find who you are and then be that person because a lot of times seems more easier yeah he already got the blueprint i'll just follow him sure that is selfless obviously but there's no focus on you now the focus is on you so you start to change and catapult or get stagnant now i'm stagnant it has its place and i'm lost again and i say that constantly it has its place i've worked with influencer influential people excuse me in personal development and the tony robbins level i know tony i've met all of these guys and it and it's interesting is the systems they have, the processes and programs have a place, but they do not take into consideration or account the nuanced areas
Starting point is 00:11:10 of your life individually. They do not get into your life to experience where things may not be perfect or optimal. They may not be able to see the stresses and interactions you have in your relationship dynamics. And that's the piece I think that's missing in the user quotes self-help field and I think it's interesting we call it self-help because that's BS at the end of the day nobody of real success did it on their own nobody is self-made from that standard we all have resources and support systems that push us right but when you get to a higher level of success you get to these people who believe they don't need a real challenge and what they do is hire yes men that that push us. But when you get to a higher level of success, you get to these people who believe
Starting point is 00:11:45 they don't need a real challenge. And what they do is hire yes men that make them believe that they're changing or transforming when in reality they're not. Follow my system. If you follow my system, you'll have the life you desire. Not really, because why are there so many people who are following these systems year in and year out are still struggling, still feeling like they're a failure, not really getting to where they want to go. Despite spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on personal development, these public figures I've had as clients spent millions of dollars on personal growth and yet are still fried at their wits end, about to lose their marriages, their children. Let me ask you a question. Yeah, go for it.
Starting point is 00:12:19 Now, is that the teacher's fault or the student's fault? It's both. Okay. Why? teacher's fault or the student's fault it's both okay why i think we're too fast too fast paced in our society people don't slow down to discern what's a right fit for them or not again then it goes to the leadership okay why are you just taking people's money just to take people's money where's the standard where is the decorum the decency to say you know what maybe i shouldn't take your money because you're not right for what it is
Starting point is 00:12:49 that i do or offer at this time we have people that want to build coaching businesses we people that want to influence and all they care about is that bottom line take it at all costs it doesn't matter if that client says i didn't get what i wanted from you so i it's not as much as heavily placed on the person as much as it is on the person that's in the position to lead i think the leadership is the failure i say it's on the person because just a fraction of it is slow down a little bit just take a moment discern are you ready for this do you need to be jumping into a jockeling type environment or imagine in in Lamborghini look good to him yeah but that's the thing is you're chasing you're chasing the superficial yeah it's like how how do you want
Starting point is 00:13:31 your life again I know I'm pushing up against a very heavy duty system that's like based in all of that is superficiality the flashy things again but that's the nature of who I am and what I see in the world is uh but I work specifically with those people that are at the top that have that impact because it's all about making sure that they are living their lives to the standards they say and talk about in concept. You pull the curtain back from some of the people I've worked with over the years, celebrities, athletes, CEOs. I guarantee most people are like, wow, why am I even following this person? What is really going on with that person? I thought they had the greatest life ever.
Starting point is 00:14:03 Always like that. Behind the scenes. Yeah, withvin hart it was uh relationship goals he got caught cheating and now it's well people like that need people like that though need they truly need a private confidant that's in the trenches with them they don't need another yes name celebrity name celebrity coach again all it does is it strokes more of the superficial having someone that's truly in the trenches in it to win it with them that is not afraid to push them in places that their therapist or their other advisors will never go is what's missing that's the nature of my mission and what i do literally un these lives slaying their personal demons because at the end of the day, they haven't.
Starting point is 00:14:47 If you look at it, these people in the Will Smith slap, all of those things are showcasing truly what these people are still dealing with personally and it's being expressed out in public. Let me ask you this. Yeah. Okay, so you want that accountability partner around, but at what cost? Most people don't like people around them to tell them, like, you're wrong. They don't want to hear that. Some don't want it. They don't want to hear it.
Starting point is 00:15:14 So how do you combat against that? Well, it's like you want that. They should have that person around because obviously it stops you from self-destructing, which most do, right? Right. Probably about eight out of ten maybe yeah and then they kind of get back on track but how do you combat against those people who say well they want somebody like that around but they never put somebody in that position that's a great
Starting point is 00:15:35 i love that question because it's so true the majority of people don't want the truth right they they spin it to say well that's just your opinion or that's just your perspective you're a hater or you're a hater you're you're a hater. You're negative. Especially right now in our – exactly. You're negative. That's our culture right now. Because people, unfortunately, are very weak mentally and emotionally. They want things to show up a certain way.
Starting point is 00:15:59 It's the old adage that I heard before was the man standing – it's an old religious adage. The man standing on the roof in the flood, it's an old religious adage, the man standing on the roof in the flood, he's asking God to save him. And a boat shows up, but he's like, no, I'm good. I'm waiting for God to save me. And then a helicopter shows up. No, no, I'm waiting for God to save me. And then a ship shows up. No, I'm waiting for God to save me. And then he drowns and he's in heaven. He says, God, why didn't you save me? He says, I sent you a boat. I sent you a helicopter and I sent you a ship. And to me, it's like, that is the problem with most people is they think that it's supposed to show up a certain way based on how they want it to look, how they want it to feel.
Starting point is 00:16:33 And anything else that is very uncomfortable or confrontational in their mind is a threat. So what we do is we see people that can't handle things that stimulate their own personal stress or dysfunction within. So if it's not the coach that says, you know what, do it in your own time. No problem. We'll get there when you want to go versus the coach that comes in and goes, you know what? No, you're actually going to do that thing now, or I'm walking away from you and pushing them into the space that actually they don't want to go. Very few people want that. Nobody knows. And most people don't even know they need to be asking for that because we're so flooded with how it's supposed to look yeah and if it doesn't feel good or doesn't feel right or
Starting point is 00:17:10 doesn't match the concept of what i think is challenge i'm going to reject it right i'm just going to allow my fear to take over and the unknowns scare people yeah but our society doesn't award those friends they're more so what they call like negative nasties or no he's always on my case about something bro like don't invite him because he's gonna tell me not to drink well again context yeah the relationship itself the containment it's all about understanding discernment it's easy to say well he's negative oh again you don't want somebody to come to your party and all they do is hey what's going to come to your party. And all they do is, hey, what's going on? Pour a glass of whiskey. And all they do is criticize you the entire time. Yeah. I mean, that's the most improper time to do it. But if you want to be elite in your life,
Starting point is 00:17:53 you need to seek out things you cannot control that challenge you. You need to learn to discern when I show up to a CEO because someone introduced me to that person, that CEO in the interaction with me feels, okay, something's different here. My job is to lean in to discern, okay, the timing this, this guy showed up where I'm at in my life. What do I need to do right now to understand that what I'm feeling with him is actually good for me versus someone coming in. That's actually there to threaten or take from that person. The biggest problem we have in society is people's inability to discern the difference between a threat and a support system. Wow. So they seek out that which matches their idea.
Starting point is 00:18:38 Yeah, their idea, their identity at that time. Trying to control how it's supposed to work. Until they crash and burn and then they right people at the top need those that the true transformation happens in the unknowns embracing and yielding to the fear of the unknowns when it's presented to yourself discerning why it's showing up in the timing it's showing up transforms an individual a human being from the inside out so when you allow yourself to lean into the fear of the unknowns like when I learned, when I got into a competitive rodeo and I started riding bulls, that's where I really learned to discern and understand that the fear I felt was part of me transforming and growing as a man, learning how to be present with my mind, my emotions,
Starting point is 00:19:18 my intuition, connecting to God, my spirituality and realizing, you know what, when I did that holistically, I performed way better than when it is. I try to be rigid or mechanical about my bull riding. So I learned that quick. And then I trans transitioned into the military and it took that with me as I moved forward in my life, um, is real transformation happens in challenges that are outside of your control. You can surrender to a resource that you cannot control. You'll go far beyond your own perceived limitations and you'll succeed in a way you can't even think about in this moment a lot of leaders and powerful
Starting point is 00:19:49 people don't even realize that because they've never been given that opportunity wow now you were in the military and you also work with like a lot of military clients that have ptsd i did in the past yeah what were some things you noticed that helped out with that? Because a lot of people struggle with that. Being in the trenches with someone like that, that in itself gives these people a place to finally let go. It's kind of like taking the rucksack off in the military. Yeah. When you have the semblance of trust with each other and my military clients back when I started my business would come to my home. I'd have them stay with me. We would live together.
Starting point is 00:20:29 That's what I even do now is when I work with a celebrity, after I spend months, sometimes almost a full year, which I have before calibrating this potential client to make sure they're ready to do the work I'm going to put them through. It's interesting because I live with them for an undetermined amount of time and I go wherever I need to go relationships they feel the new energies in their house I'm sitting there with their wife and their kids I'm traveling around with them I see every nuanced area of their life
Starting point is 00:20:56 they themselves say they've never had anyone who's willing to go into the trenches with them that way and see where the blind spots truly exist rather than, Hey, you know, I was at my therapist's office for the past 20 years and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. It's like, but after working and doing this for the last three, four months, it's like I've gotten more happened in my life than the last 20 years of therapy. It's because therapists, unfortunately, again, I've studied psychology, but in the background of that is they're not designed, the system's not designed to get into those very uncomfortable places. And that's where I go.
Starting point is 00:21:27 And you need people that are willing to do that. Yeah, I've tried therapy. I mean, it was all right. But I think if I did a more hands-on thing like what you provide, it would be way more valuable. It's an acceleration, too. That's my claim to fame in my business. The fact that when I'm in the trenches slaying demons and pushing people past their limitations, powerful people have an enormous capacity to achieve. So when you strip them down, rebuild them from the inside out and then from the bottom up into a very specific
Starting point is 00:21:55 new version of themselves, everything around them that they touch accelerates their ability to make more money just happens. That's why it's like, I love personal development. Hey, everybody's selling money. Make more money, make more money. Why is anybody selling? Become the most optimized version of yourself first so that the money you make just becomes an exponential. They don't know how to optimize themselves. They can only teach what they know.
Starting point is 00:22:18 Right. You know what I'm saying? So optimizing yourself is a very difficult task because the hardest thing to do is to look at yourself in the mirror of course you're insufficient or you're not easy to criticize everyone else's demons yeah but it's difficult when you to turn around look at your own yeah and then admit let alone admit you even have them but the more the more successful these people become the bigger the demons get and the more grip and control they have on their lives i'm talking about stresses unresolved chaos that they've endured their entire lives.
Starting point is 00:22:47 I've listened to some of these billionaires talk about, you know, the pain that they've endured to get to where they are, the sacrifices they've made. Like there's a reason why all of that is being experienced through their words and their actions. It's not balanced. You can see it come out of them in the moments of stress. You truly only know someone when you fight them. You only reveal someone's character when you stress them. Everything else is easy for human beings.
Starting point is 00:23:12 We're adept at masking our true intentions, who we really are. It's put our best foot forward, push someone and stress them. Watch what happens. You get to reveal who they really are. It's easy to tell people I love you, but it's in the storm is when you find out what people are really made of and what they're actually capable of doing for you and with you. That's true. I love that.
Starting point is 00:23:30 That's true. What are some ugly truths that people will not admit but you see commonly? The fact that they need help. The fact that they need it. That's an ugly truth. The leaders that I've supported over years believe they've figured out what it takes to be successful. Therefore, why do I need anything else? But then they look at their lives and go, you know what? 33 years I've been doing this. And this is an example of a client. 33
Starting point is 00:23:55 years I've been doing this. I'm at my wits end. I'm burned out. I'm fried. I don't want to be doing this anymore. My wife hates me. My children don't respect me. My health is suffering. My friends are wondering if I'm going to kill myself. Everybody I've hired, I've spent $3 million on other coaches and gurus and advisors that I know personally at the top. And yet I'm still here after all these years. Why? I've made the nine figure business. I have the eight figure bank account. I have popularity, millions of followers. Why do I feel, personally feel unfulfilled unsatisfied restless and looking for more that's unacceptable i don't care what anybody in society says that is unacceptable and human beings have grown into this space of going no that's just normal
Starting point is 00:24:33 that's just the cost of being human and it's bull it's not you should wanting more no not wanting more but wanting to be the the best of your who you are and when i met this guy through a contact of mine a pr friend she said you need to sit down with them who you are. And when I met this guy through a contact of mine, a PR friend, she said, you need to sit down with him. Would you be willing to? And it's amazing how nobody was willing to confront those ugly truths about how he's interacting with his wife, the relationship dynamics that take place with his clients, his staff, his companies, et cetera.
Starting point is 00:25:01 All the turmoil that's basically baked into his performance was in fact, the very places his therapist, his other coaches were not willing to go. And they just kept trying to solve problems from the outside in going based on, you said earlier what they know, here's my education, my teachings. Let me figure out how to move the pieces around and I go get out of the way. I'm going to go into this and we're going to fight through where it really sucks, but I'm going to be right by your side as we do it. I'm going to feel the pain as you feel it.
Starting point is 00:25:27 And we're going to eradicate those stresses together. And what happens is a whole new version of that person starts to emerge. And all of the things that they want in their life start to change for them. Then it becomes a sustainable, accelerated leader. Yeah. leader yeah what are some things that you actually struggle with yourself and that you feel like you need help on or that you need to work on or do you feel like that's interesting master yourself i i wouldn't be doing what i'm doing if i still had demons i need i was struggling with yeah no no that's not true because therapists need therapy. I know. See what I'm saying right there?
Starting point is 00:26:06 But you see where I'm going to challenge that. You see where your mind just went? Yeah. No, no, no. Everybody's got problems. Well, I mean. I'm giving you an example. Right. Is that not a fact? Explain what you mean by a fact.
Starting point is 00:26:19 Okay. So this is what I'm saying. So in a lot of people's cases cases in a lot of studies, obviously, you know that you've helped yourself enough to where that you're able to shape and build other people up or at least try to initiate that or help just to dig deep because you've done that. But are you done digging on your end? Like, have you done like, have you like shaped yourself to where it's like, OK, I'm good where I'm at or are you still working on you? So that's the key to what it is that I do and why I am uniquely different. And it's hard for society to grasp that somebody out there actually just sees truth, knows exactly where to go, who lives very much that standard that he's talking about. So when I, my response to you is I have, I had an outside force or source as I got in the military and got on that path of self mastery, learning about myself. How do I live life without stress affecting my performance and my ability to have good relationships, to feel free within my body. I did all of that first. And my business was built around a gift
Starting point is 00:27:21 that I possess of erupting truth and getting out there. However, God brought me in. That's exactly what happened. So I got to a place where accelerating through fighting and battling my own demons, get to a place of living life where I have a set point inside of me of peace. It's funny. Cause you said that to me and inside me, when most people start getting nervous, cause they're getting challenged and they start to have all that. I don't get that feeling because I have a set point of peace that I've been able to achieve first. That's what I wanted to know. And what now where I'm at,
Starting point is 00:27:49 I love it. No, I totally get it. Where I'm at now is I'm able to maintain equilibrium even though I'm a man, even though I'm human, even though there are days where I get up and I crack skulls
Starting point is 00:28:01 because I'm tired of seeing the injustices in the world. Don't get me wrong. I want to. I'm not going to crack skulls because I'm tired of seeing the injustices in the world. Don't get me wrong. I want to. I'm not going to sit here and act like I'm some fairytale version of myself out there. I'm human. But I understand because of the work I was willing to do, go into the places in the dark depths of hell to get to the place of optimized living, I know exactly who I am, where I'm at, and when I see something,
Starting point is 00:28:24 I know exactly why I'm seeing it. know that it's not a perspective these are truths whether people can accept it or not in those moments and if I start to feel out of balance I still have my my resource my business partner she's always if you will to make sure I'm staying at the top of my game so you do because I'm out all the time got every single day I have my my resources that I dig into from the physical to the mental emotional but I'm not on a path of still trying to figure out okay and deal with stress you are you pass that that's what I'm trying to get out you can still experience that version of yourself where you're never ending quest for more
Starting point is 00:29:00 and feeling like okay I spent all this money and still I'm in pain I'm not at peace I get I react to things in life or when my clients get done they don't even know who the version of them was before they started working with me and they get to a place what we call the cap out yeah they are maximizing their potential and now they can sustain it so that when they bring other coaches or advisors on with them yeah all that is doing is accentuating where they're at right they're not bringing them on to now okay wiley i'm done with you so now i i have more i need to do for myself personally before i can even be better they don't do that they go i'm already i'm at the top of my game now right now i know how to sustain it i have found peace and freedom within me right now i'm gonna bring sean i'm gonna bring you in and you guys are gonna help just accentuate that and it
Starting point is 00:29:43 becomes even easier for them to do it because there's nothing standing in the way anymore that's the best way you can basically share the old skin you kind of forget about how you used to be because you've elevated you don't even yeah you don't even you don't even remember it yeah it's true that's transformation so that's just true transformation true transformation when you're at the bar you kind of go resort back to your old self that's not true that's what i mean and that's yeah that's why it's like um it's interesting is you know if somebody has uh you a tough like you're in society and you're on the street and i somebody flicks a cigarette at you and you're able to look at that person and you can set a boundary you don't but you don't have to fight they're they're gonna feel the difference in you when you react to them you know it's pick up the
Starting point is 00:30:22 cigarette butt what pick it up put it in the trash can roger that they pick it up and put it up why do they do that they can sense they're not getting to you but you're setting a standard and a boundary and you're telling them i see you unacceptable and it changes the whole behavior of the interaction whereas some people in society will say something to someone and you can tell the difference and they fight it becomes the next viral video on youtube or you know twitter or whatever but that's the difference is when you're willing these powerful people need more than what they're getting because they believe that they're at the top of their game and the reality is most of them are not they may have the bank accounts they may have no notoriety but that's not enough to have a successfully happy fulfilled life
Starting point is 00:31:02 they are turmoil inside which is why they react to public stimuli the way they do that's what i'm i'm getting at so you may use your everything that you gain that also might be your demise because you have enough money to self-destruct right right they mask they cover and protect themselves with that hey i'm worth a billion dollars yeah okay that billion dollar goes to party and yachts drugs and tony shea yes tony shay from zappos remember him he was suffering with his inability to feel happiness inside miserably and i i knew i never knew that miserable i heard about it actually so he would spend money he would basically pay yes men he would pay people six figures to hang around him that were happy to make him get the sense of happiness. He would put on a front to show that he was happy,
Starting point is 00:31:47 even though, I mean, the guy had a $700 million net worth, but he was miserable. He was in pain. He was struggling with his own personal demons. So he would pay people to be happy around him. Wow.
Starting point is 00:31:57 So do you feel compassion for him? Cause he was trying to be happy. Absolutely. He was trying to be happy. Absolutely. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:32:03 He's trying to find the solution in the outlet okay to change it but what happens is you get people around you nobody's willing to go back to your thing earlier nobody's willing to go hey no tony yeah i love you enough to tell you you're up yeah i love you enough to tell you this has got to stop now and i'm going to drag you through and get you the right resource that's going to make this disappear. Right. Jewel, the famous singer talked about, you know, she saw the pain he was in and she knew he was not in a good place. And it's like, but why didn't anybody do anything about it? It's because everybody is just swimming in this idea that, well, it's not my place to say anything and I don't want to be the nag and I don't want to be the person he looks at. It's Tony. He looked at his guy. He he'll figure it out that to me is not
Starting point is 00:32:45 right that's just not right why are we not holding our leaders to a higher standard of excellence those that have that kind of impact and power why are we holding them to higher standard we're not we're allowing them to just be ah they're just human everybody's got everybody's got problems everybody's gonna so leave them alone let them be what he said who are you to judge that because he's got the money and look at you, you hear all of that. Yeah. Okay, cool.
Starting point is 00:33:06 Yeah. Mark Cuban said, I'm a billionaire. Why? I hate coaches. Why would I hire a coach? I'm not going to hire someone who's never made a billion dollars to try to teach me anything.
Starting point is 00:33:16 And it's like, brother, a billion dollars doesn't mean anything. So you can make money. Great. You probably need someone in your life to showcase all the other areas of life that are not billion dollar Value, you know that money can't buy. Yeah. Yeah work. I've worked I've been around people with nine ten-figure bank accounts They didn't look at me and go you don't know how to make money
Starting point is 00:33:38 Why because I run a seven-figure business and not a ten-figure business has nothing to do with it I don't want to make that kind of I can't I only work with two work with two people a year, maybe three. And that's pushing it. It's very intense and intimate. It's like, I live with my clients, travel with them and I'm with them 24 seven by their side as life is happening to them. So that's my model, but it doesn't mean you figured it out because you're able to accumulate a bunch of money selling a widget to a hundred million people. But yeah, that's not high performance. That's that's high achievement yeah you seem to take a very natural approach to things what are your thoughts on psychedelics hmm the dangerous mmm research all day long yeah I know Andrew Huberman's talking about
Starting point is 00:34:20 it on his show right now the problem is that people hear these things, especially in America, and we just overuse it and abuse it. Oh, mushrooms have an effect of good. And now I'm just going to eat mushrooms every single day. See what I'm saying? Psychedelics. Here's the thing. I worked with a client,
Starting point is 00:34:38 a former Wall Street guy, became his own coach. He managed $1.1 billion in assets on Wall Street. He wanted to get out of the business after 15 years. He managed $1.1 billion in assets on Wall Street. He wanted to get out of the business after 15 years. He was Mr. Hack. He wanted to hack his way to the best version of himself and success. And when we met and we started doing work together, he went on an entire tirade. So did this Hollywood gal that I worked with as well as A-Lister. And they both, it was interesting. They both went on a tirade of doing psychedelics every it seemed like every other day for a month or two straight because they're trying to figure out a way to
Starting point is 00:35:08 bypass having to look at the ugly stuff and i need to do this is what i need to do okay fine and i allowed the latitude for them in our relationship to do it and both of them came back disheveled versions of themselves saying i saw things that i cannot unsee my wall street client guy said i don't even trust my own memories i don't know what the heck is going on i feel like i did some bad things even though they were stimulated from it so if you're not ready to experience the dimension of yourself in that regard if you're not in a place still facing yourself it is but here's the thing here's the thing why not why not do like this first? Battle through and clear it out. And then if it makes sense to add a psychedelic in later, then you have theics to the table when they're ready. And when the time is right in the right context, in the right container, we add in what we need to, to consistently
Starting point is 00:36:10 accelerate and push that person even further. I don't sit here and claim like I do it all. I know it all. I know my specialty, my gift. And I have experts that I've curated over the years that I come in. If I need a therapist, I got one. If I need an MD, I got one. If I need a designer for their house, I got one. I bring them on when that person is ready for it. When I experienced where they're at in that relationship, because I can see it, you know what, maybe we need to bring in this element of a psychedelic. Maybe I need to bring in this therapist to help talk about X, Y, Z. But if you're not in the right containment in the right environment and you're not ready for these things, they can hurt you really badly badly you seem like you found the right level of happiness and
Starting point is 00:36:49 success success so what's next for you because you seem like you could just chill the rest of your life right now no no i i can't chill it's too many people need you that's that that's it the thing that i'm talking about here is coming out you know 12 years before the pandemic i didn't have any digital presence i didn't have a pandemic, I didn't have any digital presence. I didn't have a social media. I didn't have a website. It was all word of mouth. It's all relationships.
Starting point is 00:37:09 It's all connecting with people through the work I started with veterans, being a combat veteran myself. But my mission is not changing because at the end, this is all I'm built to do. I couldn't do anything else. I might be doing a little online master class with a couple other influencers that. Um, that's what we're kind of working on right now. But in reality is there are powerful people out there that I see that are actually messing things up in those leadership positions that I can get my hands on politicians, especially, uh, there are celebrities still there, some athletes that I'm talking to right now that's what i'm focused on the most is getting people to wake up and realize that self-help is broken everybody is chasing the idea of being a better version of themselves spending more money and time and energy wasting
Starting point is 00:37:53 rather than learning how to master who they really are finding that set point of peace and freedom within so that what they touch and focus on makes sense for them and becomes this exponential growth in their life so i might be i mean i have a podcast that I started wise words and whiskey with Wiley McGraw to have some fun with some guests, sipping a little good single malts and bourbons and things like that. Talking about low key conversations on high performance living. Um, but in reality is I'm just kind of getting my feet wet in the whole digital space, even though my power and my specialty lies in being a private personal confidant for very high powered um influential people so i'm going to continue to go down that path and keep fighting the mission
Starting point is 00:38:30 that's all i have to do i mean one i mean people are going to come when they come so yeah powerful yeah man love it i appreciate it yeah thanks for coming on man all right man that was quick yeah it was i appreciate you guys having me i do just spitting bars i appreciate you guys having great questions i love it for sure i mean i like to kind of you know dig in and find out you know that's challenge yeah yeah i love it if you can't find truth without challenge it's easy to get me feel safe you know in the unknown but challenge is where you get the truth and then people also need to know that you know you went through the proper steps oh yeah and that's the only way that you're going to ever to teach them is because you get the truth. And then people also need to know that, you know, you went through the proper steps. Oh, yeah. And that's the only way that you're going to teach them is because you're teaching them what you know.
Starting point is 00:39:10 Right. I mean, I have a thing on there on WileyMcGraw.com that's it's all about, you know, going into hell have podcasts and shows when you go out to the world to do what you want to do it just naturally evolves much more efficiently more fluidly and it makes sense for you and you don't waste any more time or money on things that you know are not necessarily good for your growth or what it is you're also preventing them from going to hell and back right you're basically going to stop them they're there i'm pulling them out yeah i've had clients that you know um have said that i'm like the uh again incarnated version of like uh constantine you know the whole keanu reeves and really that's what i do is i'm willing to go into those places i can go into those places i have zero problem sitting in front of someone a public figure and they're not used to having someone not care about their notoriety or status or money and go, I don't care.
Starting point is 00:40:10 I see who you are as a human. And it's unacceptable. You're living this way. Obviously, your friend introduced us. It's time to get on as the most optimal version of yourself because you have the impact on the masses. You are influencing millions of people. You are a leader. And if you are living your life from this space we just talked about for the last 10, 15, 20 minutes, the impact you'll
Starting point is 00:40:30 have changes the dynamic. If you notice what's going on in our world right now, you know, that's leadership is the cause. There are no bad teams. There are only bad leaders. If we get leaders to live optimally, you have empathy, understanding, but you are willing to get into the fight with them. We can change the course of direction for everything going on around us man sleep on that guys man all right thanks for watching guys digital social hour see you next time peace

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