Dinner’s on Me with Jesse Tyler Ferguson - Alexander Skarsgard — on imposter syndrome and channeling a kinky gay biker

Episode Date: June 24, 2025

'Murderbot’ star Alexander Skarsgard joins the show. Over ravioli and spaghetti, Alexander tells me about his Emmy winning role in ‘Big Little Lies,’ being convinced HBO would fire him on ‘Generation Kill’ and the Michael Jackson music video that haunted him as a child. This episode was recorded at Bocca Di Lupo in Soho, London. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and as the star of the new Apple Plus show Murderbot it's Alexander Skarsgard. They start this like BDSM sub-dom relationship and it's like a love story but it's also like kinky and weird and I don't know it they had me at BDSM. Yeah you had me at BDSM. This is Dinners on Me, and I'm your host, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. So I have never met Alexander Skarsgård, but I have been a big fan of his for quite some time. I loved him on Succession, on Big Little Lies, but I was really impressed by his new TV show, Murderbot, which I just started watching.

In Murderbot, Skarsgard plays a self-aware security Android who has hacked into his own programming to gain free will. It's so weird and strange and bizarre and funny and fresh and new. It blends sci-fi action with workplace comedy somehow. I don't know how they do it. It's miraculous. It has a great cast.

And of course, Scar's Guard in the middle of all that. He's an Emmy and Golden Globe award-winning actor for his role on Big Little Lies, which was also such a surprise performance for me. He was incredible in succession. I mean, one of the greatest TV shows of all time. He comes from this iconic filmmaking family, which I'm so excited to talk with him about. I'm so excited that he's in London while I'm here. He's passing through, he's doing

press for Murderbot, and I'm grabbing him, I believe, before he hops on an airplane to go off to someplace else. And so I suggested we go to this restaurant, Bocca di Lupo, which apparently he's also a really big fan of. Boca de Lupo is like a love letter to Italy. It's loud and it's joyful. It's carb loaded in the best ways. It's tucked away in Soho, which is the neighborhood that I usually would always stay in

when I was traveling to London as a tourist. So I know this neighborhood pretty well. It has one of those perfect marble bar countertops for having dinner for one at, or eavesdropping on conversations over espresso martinis. I love this place. Alexander's dad apparently also really loves this place, and he's a regular here, so I think he's just on his way

around the corner. Hello. Hi. Hi. I heard your voice before I saw you. That is a very recognizable name. Do you live here? No, I live in Stockholm.

OK. Yeah. OK. Moved from New York to Stockholm two years ago. You did? Yeah. You're like, I assume you love that. Stockholm.

Yeah, I was born there in my entire family. I was the, so I left for the States about 20 years ago. Yeah, I was born there in my entire family. So I left for the States about 20 years ago. And then I've been obviously like popping home to see friends and family as often as I can, but I haven't had a base there since the early 2000s. And it was just, it was time I was ready to kind of relocate and have my base back home. Like what's it like going back to Stockholm with a career under your belt now? And it must be different 20 years later.

Yeah, but also not really. We still kind of, my two brothers live in the apartment we grew up in. They split that into two apartments. Oh, no way. So they live there with their families, and my dad is a block away, my other brother's a block away.

So everyone lives in like in Sotomayor in South Stockholm. Take a look, Pommie. Pretty much, yeah, where I grew up. So I love it because it feels like coming, I mean, it is coming home, but in my heart it feels like coming home. I was like, I'm landing there and I'm just like walking around the streets I grew up in

and like my childhood friends still live in that neighborhood. So it was like, I'm landing there and I'm just like walking around the streets I grew up in and like my childhood friends still live in that neighborhood. So it's like, it really is. Yeah. And you went to a military school, right? Not a school, but I was in the military. Okay. Yeah, in Sweden.

And this was after you had been acting for a while in Sweden, right? Well, not really. I did a couple of things when I was a kid, but with no intention of ever becoming an actor. It wasn't like I was a child actor in the Hollywood sense of, oh, here's my agent agent and here's my headshot and I can tap dance.

It was like, my dad's friend was a director and needed a seven year old kid for his movie and I happened to be around and it's like, hey, do you wanna do this? And I had no idea what I was talking about. Well, yeah, sure. And then I did that and then that led to something. So I did the occasional film or television job

between like seven and 13. And then I quit when I was 13 and was just, I wanted to be like focused on. Retired. I retired as a 13-year-old. Like I've done it all. I've proven myself. Yeah.

Uh, yeah. Hello, good afternoon. Hey, how are you? How are you? Very good to see you. I'm good, how about you? Very good, thank you. Thank you.

Here you go, some bread and focaccia. Thank you. Thank you. Extra virgin olive oil. Are we going to have some water to begin your meal with? I would love some sparkling water. Yeah, I'd do the sparkling too, thank you. Are you hungry?

I'm, yeah, I'm hungry. I'll eat. Are you on a diet? No, definitely not, no. Are you in the diet? No, absolutely not, no, no. Are you in the middle of a press day today? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we've done, yeah, it's been kind of a whirlwind of, I was in New York last week for Murda Bot Press

and then went to Cannes for three days for, Oh, I know, I saw the boots, high thigh boots. These thigh high boots that you were wearing. Yeah. They were fantastic. Oh, thank you. You made quite a splash. I mean, my husband sent me the Instagram post. He's like, will you please talk to him about these?

Yeah, kinky fisherman. Yeah, yeah. Is that what you called it? Yeah. Yeah. I loved it. I've never seen anyone pull that off. Really?

Yeah, I think we're ready. Oh yeah, I think we are. He came at a great time because he was just having to talk about thigh high boots. I'm going to have, you go first, you go first. I'll do the sea bream carpaccio. And then the entree size, the big spaghetti with spider crab. And a large spaghetti with the crab. Yeah.

Beautiful. Yeah. Sounds like a good plan. Thank you very much. You're welcome. I'm gonna do the octopus tomato celery basil salad and the ravioli with butter and sage. Beautiful.

Would you like any side dish or a salad on the side, maybe with your pastas? We got the salads on the bottom here, we got the lettuce. Or maybe some of the asparagus, the grilled asparagus. The grilled asparagus. Yeah, quite nice. Lovely. I'll leave a small torch underneath.

Your pee is going to smell so bad. I know. On the airplane, people are going to love that. I think asparagus is good for me. I don't need salad, salad. Beautiful. And in case you like any wine pairing on something, I'll send you so many at the table.

Thank you very much. Enjoy your meal. Thank you so much. Buon appetito. Is it fun? I've been to other film festivals, but what's the different, like, I feel like Cannes is like, I mean, it's a whole other thing.

I mean, it's like a really fancy affair. It was the first time I had a movie there. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, well, I've been in a movie that premiered at Cannes, Lars von Trier's Melancholia, but I was shooting True Blood in LA at the time and they couldn't get me out so I missed it. So this was the first time I was there with a movie. I was there like years ago with some friends during the festival but had no business being

there really. We were festival crash but had no business being there really. You were festival crashers? We were festival crashers. Yeah, we were able to kind of through a friend of a friend of a friend get into like a big Lord of the Rings party. And this was like back in the day when they would spend like, you know, $3 million on a party. So they turned like an old castle up in the hills

into Middle Earth. So it was like, it was incredible. Incredible. Incredible. castle up in the hills into the Middle Earth. It was incredible. Incredible. Incredible. But yeah, I again had no business being there at all really. So this was my first experience to be there with a film. Yeah, it was extraordinary.

Yeah, yeah. This is the festival I feel like when anytime something premieres there, we get a timed standing ovation. Like this movie received an 18 minute standing ovation. I find that so ridiculous. It's so weird. Because it's also like most of the people in the room, it's a combination obviously of people that aren't associated with the film. But a lot of people in the room, you know, worked on the film,

they know someone who worked on the film. So, like, a quite mediocre film can get a really, so like, if I ran a studio, I would be like, I'd pay 20 people to be like, you know what, go to this and then just stand and keep going for 25 minutes, just keep, keep going. Can you imagine? I mean, if-

Because then people will be, feel awkward, and they can be like, I can't stop whenever, like these 20 people are screaming and clapping. So, all right, great. I mean, if someone was clapping for anything for 20 minutes, I'd be like, what's wrong with you? Yeah. We have to stop. No, I mean.

There's a life to live. But that to kind of gauge how good a movie is by that is that it feels very, very off. Well, it's, you know, I, it's just a little sidebar about just that type of behavior, you know. I'm on stage now here in London, and like I've done theater a lot in New York, and I feel like in America, people stand for everything.

They love to applaud, like they feel like if they've gone, and they need to show that they've spent their money well, and they need to applaud, and they need to stand up, and standing ovations sort of, I guess, even though you're upset when you don't get one, they kind of stop meaning something. It doesn't feel genuine. And here, I feel like the Brits really,

it's not that they refuse to stand, but they really won't do it unless they want to. And our show, this show that I'm doing right now, is very polarizing. It's surrealist, it's abstract, it's strange, some people really love it, some people really hate it. And I have seen people in the front row stay in their seats while everyone stands around them,

or like pockets of people stand around them, and they're like, nope, I'll clap. I know you worked really hard, but I am not standing up. And I kind of love that. Have you seen people leave? Some people have left at intermission. I don't think anyone's left during the show. But I think I've seen,

I've come back and seen some seats empty. But most people stay. Why? I mean, I kind of love that it's like polarizing and it's pushing the boundary and like, you know, I don't know, I like that it's, it's causing people to feel uncomfortable. you know, I don't know, I like that it's causing people to feel uncomfortable.

Yeah. So I remember I did, I think it was Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf in Stockholm 20 years ago. One of my first jobs and definitely one of my first theater jobs and... Did you, you did that play? Yeah. Oh okay, so you play Nick, the kid, what's the guy's name?

Nick and Honey, yeah. Yeah. I think it was a pretty decent production. I think so. I mean, it was a long time ago. But I remember being a young, very insecure actor and one night someone saw two, a couple whisper to each other and you could tell they were just like, should we, should we not, should we?

And then they started getting up and it was during intermission, it was like as we were trying to like, uh, uh, not, should we, should we? And then they started getting up, and the most enduring intermission was like, as we were trying to like, uh, uh, uh, had like, had this moment, and they snuck out, and that kind of just crushed me, like my self-confidence, I was like, oh. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, if someone's like in the front row,

you know, with their arms crossed and not feeling it, like all my energy goes, like all my focus goes to that person, everyone else could be having a great time, but for some reason, like how do I win over that guy? Yeah. I'm a people pleaser. But does that give you, does that crush you or do you go the other way?

Because that person is still in the room, so you can still win him or her over. So that could also go in a different direction where he gives you more energy to be like, you know what, you're bored, but I'm gonna- I'm gonna try harder. I'm gonna entertain you, my friend. You're gonna, by the end of the night, you're gonna be standing,

screaming. Nothing's better than an actor pushing for someone's approval. Yeah. You know? The desperation. Yeah. No, I mean, it's just, I'm,

I have a pretty thick skin with that stuff just because you have to be if you're gonna be on stage. But. But did you always, even when you started out, when you first started out? I've gotten better at it. I think I used to let it really upset me. I remember I was in a show about a Spelling Bee on Broadway.

It's called the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. And Jason Schwartzman came to see the show. And he's just, I think, programmed to be very stoic, almost like a garden gnome, just no expression at all. And he sat in the front row and he was I mean he's also famous and like I knew who he was. So we all were like kind of looking checking in on him and he was just like not giving us anything. And we started to get the giggles about it because it was like how do we make Jason Swartzman smile?

And so we were all trying really hard and you know he ended up loving the show and like actually giving us a standing ovation. I think he sent a note back afterwards and saying how much he loved it but it just like goes to show like you know we can't judge people on how they're enjoying something like maybe that's just was him. Like he was internally laughing hysterically. You know? You can't hear smiles, Alexander. Now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Alexander tells me about befriending a BDSM biker gang and how he relates to his robot character

on his new Apple TV Plus series, Murderbot. Okay, be right back. You know, Dinner's on Me is all about gathering around a table, good food, great company, and feeling at home. But let's be honest, it's hard to really relax when you don't feel safe in your own space. That's why I love Simply Safe.

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while you focus on what makes it feel like a home, family, friends, or the perfect roast chicken, SimpliSafe has you covered. Visit simplisafe.com slash Jesse to claim 50% off a new system with professional monitoring plan and get your first month free. That's simply safe dot com slash Jesse S I M P L I S A F E dot com slash Jesse. There's no safe like simply safe. You know, back when Modern Family ended, I was suddenly managing my own projects. One of those things I was also trying to manage was my calendar.

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Terms and conditions apply. Hiring? Indeed is all you need. And we're back with more Dinners on Me. So anyway, how is it being at camp with the film? Now let me tell you about the standing ovation we got. Yeah, please do. And how sincere it was.

How many minutes we got. Yeah. No, it was incredibly special. And it was definitely a very memorable and an experience I'll never forget. The film I was there with is called Pillion, and it's one of those low-budget film by a first-time filmmaker that I was just lucky to find.

Sometimes when you have incoming offers, they're projects that your agents aren't really... haven't read or are that familiar with. And this was one of them that came, was like, hey, here's a bunch of things. And so it was like five scripts attached to one email. And I remember like, just glancing over the others. And it was just nothing that piqued my interest.

And then at the end of it was Pillion by this like Harry Leighton. I'd never heard of him. But it was something about the log line. It sounded so, cause it was like, oh, this wallflower named Colin goes to the local pub and meets Ray, who's there with this motorcycle gang, and they start this BDSM sub-dom relationship. And it's like a love story, but it's also kinky and weird. And I don't know.

They had me at BDSM. Yeah. they had me at BDSM yeah you had me at BDSM I was just like I was hooked it was just such a such an unconventional love story it was funny and but also like genuine and heartfelt and sweet and then And let's begin here. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. Here you go, the sea bream carpaccio, rosemary oil, and orange zest. Beautiful. Here's your salad. Thank you. Thank you.

I will give you orange salad with chopped onion and fresh oregano in the middle. Thank you. Very nice. So pretty. Yeah. That's how I got involved. I was like, I want to talk to this guy, Harry.

And he was at the time like 30 years old and had done a short film called Ren Boys that I then watched and was really impressed by. And I was really impressed by him and his approach, his vision for the movie. And so that's how I got involved. And we shot it here in London last year and it was just the most fun, incredible experience we had. So the rest of the bikers were from GBMCC,

Gay Biker Motorcycle Club, so they were real gay bikers. And they also, speaking of the experience at Cannes, like they drove down and came down to Cannes, so they were there at the premiere. On their bikes? Yeah, a bunch of them, a bunch of them flew down. Incredible. And I love those guys. And I'm also so grateful for how they kind of invited us in and kind of showed us their world. So to share that moment at Cannes with them at a big party

the night after the screening was, it felt really special because it was, again, it's like a movie that, when I signed on and even when I shot it, I was like, I believe in this guy, but I can't say that I was cocky enough to be like, I think we're gonna go to Cannes with this. And premiere it, you don't really expect that. Well, talk about that leap of faith, because I think that's really, you know,

it says a lot about you as an, I hate calling people artists, but it does say a lot about you as an artist, like that you are willing to take a chance on someone who hasn't necessarily proven themselves, but like we all have been in that place where we want someone to take a chance on us. Well, I'd be more insecure and scared if it was a project

by a very established director that I didn't emotionally connect to. That to me would be scarier. I'd be like I don't feel this. Like I don't feel like I don't jump out of bed like super excited in mornings be like oh you know what I'm gonna go work on this one. I just again fell in love with the script and the character of Ray. So I was just so excited to take that on. And obviously you have to have trust and feel confident in the person at the helm, the director.

But I just really felt that with Harry. In our conversation, I was like, yes, it's his first film, but he clearly know how he wants to tell this story, and I believe in his vision of that. So to me, it didn't feel brave. I was just like, you know what? This, I'm gonna have a blast on this,

and I really think that it'll be an incredible experience to collaborate with this guy. And it really was. I know you're on a press tour for Murderbot as well. And I have people, because I'm so aware of this when I have to do a junket. I have a million people asking you about the thigh high boots. Well it's a kinky gay biker movie. BDSM, Subdom, you know.

My character wears a lot of black leather and white leather and cream leather in the film, so it just felt appropriate to kind of have a little bit of leather. Yeah. Or a lot. Or a lot. On the carpet as well. I love it.

Yeah. I think it's so great. I was able to watch a few episodes of Murderbot and I really, really love it. It's so, I've never seen something in that genre with that tone. It's, I mean, I want you to sort of describe it, but it's almost like a workplace comedy, but it's also about, it's like futuristic and it's sci-fi. I've just, it's very unique.

Yeah, I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was, I... It's based on a book series called The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells that I wasn't familiar with when I was sent the script. Just prior to that, I'd done The Northman and Infinity Pool, two quite intense, tonally quite dark projects. So I think I was,

I was ready to do something a bit more, not lighter necessarily, but slightly more comedic in tone, I think. So I was like, this might not be for me right now. This feels really intense. And maybe it's also just the name, Murdebob, is this gonna be Terminator or Robocop like is it that type of like you know great characters but definitely like more testosterone filled you know

and I was like I again having just done the Northman which is like pure testosterone I was like I need a break from that yeah so it's just so pleasantly surprised when I started reading it. And you meet this character who's like socially awkward and zero amount of adrenaline, hard to stop throwing. And just wants to be left alone to watch soap operas. And there's just something really sweet about that awkwardness and the interaction with the space hippies that it's been assigned to protect.

It felt like, you said, a little bit of workplace comedy set in space. And it was something really different about that. So that got me quite excited. Yeah, yeah. I really related to just the social awkwardness and wanting to be left alone. I have been known, when we're throwing house parties,

I will disappear to the bathroom in my bedroom and just sit for 15 minutes and hide. Just sit and breathe. Just breathe and then I'll like come out refreshed, having meditated a moment. I kind of just need to like unplug for a minute to like make my way through the night. Like I just, I can't be on all the time.

Right. Well, Murdoch never wants to be on. No, I know. That's right. Yeah. That's right, yeah. Coming from a huge family, we didn't really have that luxury.

It was like nonstop, like content. Noise and people and chaos, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To me, that's kind of, you kind of have to find somehow peace within that chaos in a way. I don't know, some people find a lot of comfort around having tons of people around.

And I do like, I remember when I was a kid, I loved like going to bed and hearing like a party in the other room. You know what I mean? Like I loved knowing that there were people around. That sound still to this day, like that makes me like so happy and comfortable. Yeah. My favorite was I wanted the door to be open and my parents and grandparents would often play cards and that was my favorite sound of them, like talking, having a good time playing cards out there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Alexander tells me about the hit music video that haunted his childhood. And he impacts the dark, complicated dynamic he built with co-star Nicole Kidman on Big Little Lies. Okay, be right back. Land a Viking longship on island shores,

scramble over the dunes of ancient Egypt and avoid the Poisoners' Cup in Renaissance Florence. Each week on Echoes of History, we uncover the epic stories that inspire Assassin's Creed. Listen to Echoes of History, a Ubisoft podcast brought to you by HistoryHits. There are new episodes every week. Jamie O'Neil Hello everyone, we're Jamie and Sophie. You

may remember us from Nearly Wedds and then Newly Wedds. Sophie Bolling But now guys, things are about to get even wilder as we take on our biggest adventure yet, becoming parents. Yeah, that's right. Newlyweds is now Nearly Parents and we're bringing you the same honest, heartwarming takes on our journey to parenthood, I guess. Join us as we find out what it really means to become a family while trying not to kill each other.

Get ready for Nearly Parents, your favorite new podcast. And we're back with more Dinners on Me. We have something in common in that we both have been in music videos by very popular artists. All right. I did Taylor Swift's You Need to Calm Down video with a lot of people. I mean, it wasn't just me. It was like you have a very featured role in Lady Gaga's paparazzi video. Like, and so much so that your names and like the opening credits of the... I'm not.

I was like in this You Need to Calm Down video with like every other... like the Queer Eye guys were in it. Alan DeGeneres was in it. It like what's I haven't it was the storyline what would you get to do it's it's basically like a gay anthem for her okay um you know the song you need to calm down you're being too loud I've heard the song by I haven't seen the video yeah I mean I know I never I used to watch music videos like MTV back then. Exactly and that just doesn't really exist anymore. I had a VHS of like MTV. I didn't have MTV growing up. We had a VHS of music videos. We would sit and watch.

And I loved it but and then there was thriller Michael Jackson's thriller was on it and it scared me so much. Yeah, it's terrifying. But I remember watching the four hour VHS music video with my uncle, who was at the time maybe in his early 20s and his thin girlfriend. And I loved it. But then when the Thriller video came on, I could not stay in the room. But I also didn't want to be like a little kid.

It was like, this is a scary show. I was like, I keep watching guys. I'm just going to run to the bathroom. And then I went out and it's a really long video. It is. It's like 12 minutes long. I was like standing outside the living room going like damn this goes on forever like I told him I was gonna run pee I'll be right back. I was like I can't come back in.

It turned into a poop. Yeah I was like I remember like hovering hovering outside waiting for the video at the end and it never did. That's so funny but I do love the paparazzi video I think it's I mean that was like Lady Gaga I mean obviously she's incredible and she has such an astonishing career already. But that was off of her first album when she was, you know... I didn't know who she was really.

No. I just remember that when... So Jonah Zacherlund, the director of the music videos, is a fellow Swede and an old friend. I had just started shooting True Blood. I think we would, like, I had just started the second season of the show. Hi, Jens. Hi.

Oh, that was delicious. Are we having a good day? Yeah, very. I'm about to save room. Do you want to try some of this? I'm good, thank you. Thank you so much. So yeah, he called me.

We both lived in LA at the time, and he was like, hey, I'm doing this music video for Lady Gaga, and I was like, who? But I love Jonas, he's a dear friend. And it was like, it'll be one day, it's a weekend, we're shooting it in Malibu, do you wanna come have fun?

I was like, and he told me the premise of the story, it's like, I try to kill her and then she kills me, and it's like a really weird twisted love story. And she's just out of super fun. So of course I said yes. It's fun to think about because she was so new at that time and I don't think anyone imagined that she'd be an Oscar nominee a few times over.

She's very talented. Incredible. times over like it's you know she's very talented incredible um I also had so many friends in true blood and everyone that I know who did that show with you speaks so highly of you and says how incredibly sweet you are Dennis O'Hara was just telling me stories the other day about how, yeah, every time you'd finish a take, you'd be like, fuck yeah. Sounds very humble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you consider that sort of like the thing that, that's when I first like, I knew who

you were, but like that was the first time I sort of saw you in something mainstream. Oh yeah, no, I, for sure. That was the first thing that I did that kind of hit the zeitgeist in a way that and I don't want my credits prior to that were it was basically two scenes in Zoolander. That's what I mean. That's how I got my very first job. Which is a great movie.

Great two scenes. Two great scenes and a great film job. Which is a great movie. Great two scenes. Two great scenes and a great film. So that was a great start. But then after that, I auditioned for everything, but I couldn't get a job. I couldn't book anything. Till 2007, when I got Generation Kill, which was a limited series for HBO.

The guys who did The Wire, David Simon and Ed Burns. So that was an incredible experience and incredibly scary because throughout that I thought they were... because it was such a prestigious project, you know, those guys, HBO, and it was one of the lead roles. It's about the war in Iraq. I was so convinced that they were gonna fire me that I was like it wasn't like I was slightly worried. I was like they are gonna why do you think because I was like I think like after

Between Zoolander and in in in generation kill I auditioned for a lot and not booked anything and then the one project I booked Your generation kill it's like such a prestigious show for a lot and not booked anything and then the one project I booked is Generation Kill. It's like such a prestigious show and I was like surely you know they're gonna want someone else for this you know so I remember like the first month every day of the shoot I was like waiting for them to come knocking and be like yep you can you can go home now. And I remember starting to calculate how much money HBO

would have spent, like how much would it cost to replace me. Because I was like, they're going to reshoot. And then we had a couple of big battle scenes. And I was like, my thought coming out of those wasn't like, oh, wow, that went well. That was great. I was like, OK, that's a lot of money spent. So maybe they can't afford to replace me now.

You were walking on eggshells. For like, I think we were deep into the show, maybe like three months into the show before I started kind of finding my stride and settling in and being like, you know what, I think it's like, I think the problem I'm gonna reshoot. Oh, beautiful, thank you very much. Thank you.

The problem not going to reshoot for full episodes of this show. It's interesting that you had that moment of like self doubt while you're working. I mean, do you, do you ever go back and watch Generation Kill? Do you watch your work ever? If you don't have to? I mean, obviously, if you're just screening a can and you want to count how many minutes you're saying a ratio is.

I'm not like Jesse Eisenberg, who's like, he doesn't want to watch his work at all. I know that. He did an episode of Modern Family, because he was a fan of the show. He's like, I really want to watch this episode, but will you cut out my scenes? Yeah.

So we sent him that, the episode he was in, with his scenes cut out so he could watch it. So I don't know what, cause I did a movie with Jesse and I adore him and it was an incredible experience. But at the premiere, he would be like, you know, we do the red carpet, walk in, introduce the movie, get the hell out of there,

and then come back two hours later, you know? Yeah. He's like, how was it? But now that he's directing and he's in his own movies, like, how does he? He has to watch himself. He's like, ah! Yeah. No, I can watch.

And like watching Pillion at Cannes was an incredible experience. I'm really glad I was in the room and stayed for that. Did you watch Generation Kill? Do you know, do you like see yourself being not confident? I'm really glad I was in the room and stayed for that. Did you watch Generation Kill? Do you see yourself being not confident? Or is it something that was completely internalized? No, it was. It's been a while.

I watched it when it came out. And then I rewatched it maybe 10 years ago, five years, seven years ago, something like that. And it was okay to watch it. Like I didn't, I can see that I'm inexperienced and that I'm insecure, but the writing is so good and the other actors are so good that I think it's like,

it kind of makes up for it a bit. I mean I always love to hear people who I admire say that you know they have those moments because you know I look at performances like what you did in Big Little Lies which was you know you can't do if you have any self doubt. You know is, it's an incredible performance. Obviously, I mean, you won every award there is to win for it. Very deservedly. I think I quite riddled with self-doubt. Yeah, I definitely didn't go into that with complete confidence.

It was such a departure for you too, I think. I mean, it's... Well, yeah, I didn't, again, I didn't go into it with complete confidence or like, or like, I can do this. It was just, again, it was such a beautifully scripted relationship. So it was there on the page and an opportunity to explore that with, come on, Nicole Kidman, one of the greatest. So that got me incredibly excited. Wow, what a privilege to go deep and explore

this very, very complicated, dark relationship with Nicole Kidman. I would say definitely to build up more self-confidence than when I did Generation Kill, but I can still definitely still have moments that I'm like, I feel like a fraud, an impostor. I love that you also have worked with Nicole a few times. I say Nicole like I know her, I don't. Nikki. Nikki. Nicknicks.

I'm a big fan of hers. I love that you did, is it called North? The Northmen, yeah. Yeah, the Northmen, with her as well. Yeah, it was just, working with her on Big Little Lies was such an extraordinary experience. So, when there was an opportunity to explore

another very, very disturbing relationship, this time mother, son incestuous story yeah Nicole was obviously the first one we wanted to go out to because it was like I was just thrilled to kind of collaborate with her again on something. Where is your food going? I think I'm done. Phenomenal. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, it's delicious. Really delicious. Thank you. That should be for a double espresso. Ooh, can I have one too?

Thank you. Thank you. And maybe I'll take a little milk on the side. A little milk. Thank you. I am curious, since we have a little bit more time to start getting coffee, what it was like being in military at such a young age.

Is it something in Sweden that's pretty common? Like if you're of a certain age you... No, well so, it wasn't, I mean I guess when I, it was technically still mandatory to do military service, but it was quite easy to get out of it if you wanted, and a lot of people got out of it. I was at a place in life where I come from a very bohemian family of pacifists. And didn't want to be an actor at the time. I had no idea what I wanted to do when I grew up in an urban area in South Stockholm.

So not very outdoorsy, like we weren't like most sweets go skiing in the winter or out sailing in the summer and we didn't either, you know? So there was something, and I was walking down the street and some recruiter gave me this pamphlet from this SAC Yacht, which was the name of the unit. And of course they made the pamphlet look like James Bond stuff, it was like really cool. It was like diving, kayaking, falling off, jumping off boats and helicopters. It was like, you know, and I was like really cool. It was like diving, kayaking, falling off, jumping off boats and helicopters.

It was like, you know, and I was like, all right, this is exactly what I want to do. Because I knew that I didn't know what I wanted to do. I knew I didn't want to be an actor. I don't, I can't say that it was like to rebel against my dad or my Bohemian family, but it was again, I just was like, I want to go my own way I want to do something different like this sounds like a an adventure like an exit that could be an interesting experience so I joined that unit on and was there for a year and a half in the archipelago outside of Stockholm and I'm thinking hindsight I'm glad I did it I think I learned a lot about myself and it was quite nice because we were, I was a team leader and it was just four of us. We were very, it was basically a very small unit. We were quite independent in a way.

So yes, we did, we went through like the, you know, the whole drill sergeant, you know, the kind of the boot camp stuff to start with, but thank you. Thank you so much. Of course, having had that experience is helpful. Well, definitely, I know when you play a Marine, like in Generation Kill, or played a soldier a couple of other times, and of course it makes it's helpful to have had that. This reminds me, I might have told this story already on the pocket. I auditioned for Band of Brothers and I auditioned to play one of the soldiers and it just was like not a match.

I mean, I like like I would have really just loved an ounce of the history that you had with being in the military. Just anything I had to grab onto, I had nothing to grasp onto. Alex, it was bad. I remember having to say something about women's genitalia that begins with the word P. But in my head, I heard it like, yes, pussy. I was like, yas pussy. I was like, nothing.

What was happening in my head was not, I was not connected to it. It just, it did not work. And I was like, they see right through all this. So like, get out of this room. You are not gonna play. But going into the audition, did you feel like, you know what, I could be right for this.

Nope, it was one of those things where I was like I I am new to this agency. I just I just got to LA I have I'm on a show that people are excited about I got to I've got to like take every opportunity Were you walking working on something at the time? It wasn't Modern Family or something else. Okay Well, you were working at was a working act you were working something that. And I felt like I have to take these opportunities people want to see me. It's a great casting director for HBO. I don't remember her name. It was just yeah I did not go in with confidence either. That though because again in those years between Zoolander and Generation Kill, when I lived in LA but didn't book a job,

those were the, I found those, they were horrible. When you go in for something that you know you're not right for and you're not connecting with a character at all, but you're at a place where you feel like you can't say no to the audition. This is a message to your representatives? Yeah, it's also like I was always on the cusp of being fired by my agents. So when they called about something and they were excited about the project,

like you know this is like this courtroom drama, it's amazing, you're perfect for it. Like, oh I have an audition in three weeks. They're giving me an audition. If I say no to this, they're probably going to drop me. So I got to go in. But I don't connect to the role. I'm completely wrong for it. Yeah, I would have loved just an ounce of military confidence in that moment.

And I did not have it. Yes. Yes, pussy. I mean, I feel like I I did not have yes. Yes, let's say I mean, I feel like a pie probably did sound like that. I was really trying to butch it up, but like it was just Didn't work it not work. Nope didn't get it didn't book it never even came close. Really? No I have very few additions that I'm like, oof, that one hurt. That one's one of the stings a little bit. It's really embedded in my memory.

It's like a very uncomfortable moment for me. It also felt like I was being asked to play some like, like it was toxic masculinity. I was being asked to play and it's just like, that's what I was afraid of as like a kid. So it's like, I'm asked to do this thing that like was put on me and like, I don't know. It all just felt very

Bad I get a little PTSD because I remember the feeling of coming back to my little shitty apartment in LA You know crying in the shower going like that after a day like that because I just I just felt Filthy in my soul for like and like also like zero confidence I was like I'm the worst actor in the world And I also have no dignity because I go in and audition for this stuff that I I'm wasting their time. I'm like wasting. I mean, it's just like, it's a rough feeling. It's a rough. Listen, it's a rough, weird business. Like I said, the beginning of this conversation, it's a weird thing that we do. It sure is. It's a very weird thing.

But, you know, I'm glad you found your way back to it because you're really good. You know, saying that you didn't want to be an actor, I'm glad that you had that change of heart, because I really loved watching you and everything you've done. You're a great actor, and you've always sort of surprising me and doing interesting things.

I cannot wait to see this film with Pedro Pascal. And I'm really loving Murderbot. Congratulations, it's really great. Thank you, I'm really happy tobot. Congratulations. Thank you. I'm really happy to hear that. Yeah. This has been a great lunch. I really enjoyed it. Thanks for doing this for your trip to Stockholm.

And I'm really going to try, hopefully, I'll be back before you guys end of the run so I can see you. And Dennis. It would be lovely to get together with Dennis again. I know. It's been so long, you know. Yeah. He's great.

Please send him a big kiss from me tonight. I will. I will. Open mouth. 100%. Yeah. Little tongue. Yeah, and's great. Please send him a big, big kiss from me tonight. I will. He was eating. I will. Open mouth. 100%. Yeah. A little tongue.

Yeah, yeah, and a little cupping. Yeah, just a little cupping. He'll love all of that. Yeah. I adore that man. Yeah, he's pretty great. He loves you too. Anyway, thanks for doing this.

Thank you. My pleasure. Appreciate it. See you soon. Yeah. Yes. Yes! Yes! This episode of Dinners On Me was recorded at Boca de Lupo in London's Soho. Next week on Dinners On Me, she's the voice behind iconic hit singles like Unwritten,

Pocket Full of Sunshine, and These Words, it's Natasha Bedingfield. We'll get into the backstory of the iconic single Unwritten, also known as the theme song of the Hills, her conservative religious upbringing, and an embarrassing moment with Sia that taught her an important lesson. And if you don't wanna wait until next week to listen, you can download that episode right now

by subscribing to Dinners on Me Plus. As a subscriber, not only do you get access to new episodes one week early, you'll also be able to listen completely ad-free. Just click Try Free at the top of the Dinners on Me show page on Apple Podcasts to search your free trial today. Dinners on Me is a production of Sony Music Entertainment and a kid named Beckett Productions. It's hosted by me, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. It's executive produced by me and Jonathan Hirsch. Our showrunner is Joanna Clay. Our producer in the UK is Grace Laker. Our associate producer is Alyssa Midcalf. Sam Bear

engineered this episode. Hansdale Sheeck composed our theme music. Our head of production is Sammy Allison. Special thanks to Tamika Balanz-Klasny and Justin Makita. I'm Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Join me next week.